Helene Lerner's Blog, page 130

Look Fear in the Face and Keep Going

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"Fear is at the root of so many of the barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure. And the holy trinity of fear: the fear of being a bad mother/wife/daughter."

Sheryl Sandberg, COO Facebook

 

But we can face our fears and taking action anyway.  They do not need to stop us.

Meet Our Career Coach For December

Hello! I'm Neerja Bhatia, and I'll be your career coach for the month of December. This month will be about aligning with your full potential. Before we begin, a few things you may want to know about my work.

I am a lifelong learner specializing in leadership development.  During the past 20 years, I have been developing leaders, facilitating groups and coaching executives. I am passionate about cultivating growth mindsets by helping clients see through the blind spots that prevent them from achieving performance objectives.

I have also authored two thought-provoking books: Art of Resilience and Bliss is in Knowing The Self. 

Over the next month, we will dive into self-inquiry to evoke your full potential. This will support you in deconstructing negative patterns so you can see yourself and others with a fresh perspective.    

-Neerja Bhatia
Career Coach
Founder, Rhythm of Success

Sneak Peek at Our Career Coach for December

Hello! I'm Neerja Bhatia, and I'll be your career coach for the month of December. This month will be about aligning with your full potential. Before we begin, a few things you may want to know about my work.

I am a lifelong learner specializing in leadership development.  During the past 20 years, I have been developing leaders, facilitating groups and coaching executives. I am passionate about cultivating growth mindsets by helping clients see through the blind spots that prevent them from achieving performance objectives.

I have also authored two thought-provoking books: Art of Resilience and Bliss is in Knowing The Self. 

Over the next month, we will dive into self-inquiry to evoke your full potential. This will support you in deconstructing negative patterns so you can see yourself and others with a fresh perspective.    

-Neerja Bhatia
Career Coach
Founder, Rhythm of Success

Why You Need to Let Go of Perfectionism Today

I’m exhausted from reading all the  articles written by and for  women about trying to have it all, being super-women, and working twice as hard as men. It’s time to stop feeling like we have to “prove ourselves.” 

Several years ago, one of my mentors, Alan Weiss,  told me that there are times when 80% is enough, because the time we spend on perfecting the 20% is wasted since no one else notices. I’ve also found that what I may think is only 80% really is 100% to everyone else.

Thinking that we’re not ready to take the next step in our career, or not taking credit for what we've done well because we still think we need another two weeks on work on a project, plays into our fears.

The next time we think our work isn’t good enough, or our project needs an extra month to finish,  or we think an article needs to be reworked over and over,  we need to ask ourselves if we are afraid of failure, or success? 
It’s time to let go of the fear and move forward.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

 

One Woman's Powerful Story Is Creating Change

From time to time, we will be featuring women who make a difference internationally. Here is the story of journalist Khazar Fatemi who fled war-torn Afghanistan in 1989, narrowly getting out with her life. Twenty years later, the former refugee returned to the place that has always remained in her heart. Her film, Where My Heart Beats, follows her dangerous, painful and inspirational journey. Behind the shadow of war and devastation, she opens a fascinating window into civilian Afghani life.

Tell us about your film in a few sentences.

No matter how high a wall you have built, a film can make it fall and touch your heart. Human stories do that—give you knowledge and a better understanding.

In this film you will join me on a journey back to my childhood neighborhoods in Afghanistan. I had the chance to flee twenty years ago, now we go back to understand what the people who didn't have the same chance have been going through. I explored what war does to people and countries.

What motivated you to make your film?

Knowing that my parents sacrificed everything to give me freedom and safety encouraged me to use my voice.

Why did you pick journalism as a career?

I never thought about becoming a journalist until 9/11 happened and the war started again in Afghanistan. Suddenly I was sitting there in front of the TV looking at images of war and Afghanistan that differed from my memories. I felt the need to tell my side of the story. I felt like I owed it to those who didn't have a voice.  I don't take freedom for granted.

What do we here in the USA not know about people in Afghanistan?

That they are just like you. They want their families to be safe and well, to  have food on their tables, a roof over their heads, the opportunity to get an education and have a future. What differs is that most of us have that--but for many of them it's a dream far away. 

I am so glad that I am from Middle East and grew up in west. I got the best of both worlds.

How can we see beyond appearances? Bring unity where there is war and disparity?

The best way to do that is to understand, and to do that, you have to learn. Ask questions, be open to things that are different, not afraid of them.
 
What is the special power of women—how do women connect people?

They have "hope." When I have been to countries in war--Syria, Iraq, Afghanistan--the women have been the ones who still had hope and strength.

Where do you see your work going?

No matter where you come from, what background you have, how old you are, you will find something in this film that touches you. My dream is to be able to keep working as a journalist, but also to travel around the world and show the movie.
 
Who saw something in you early on—when you were growing up, that you didn’t see in yourself?

We came to Sweden as refugees.  I had a teacher who not only taught me but also saw me. Now twenty years later I still visit with her once a year.

How can one individual make a difference regarding world peace?

See it as your responsibility to do something with the tools you have. As a journalist I have the freedom of speech.

The biggest tool is perhaps being a parent. Educate your children, teach them about history, why things happen, religion, tradition and understanding.

Why You Need to Be Good to Yourself

One of the ways we disempower ourselves is to focus on others to the point of neglecting ourselves. Women have traditionally been nurturers, and it is natural for many of us to give, but the problem arises when we take this to the extreme—taking care of our families, bosses, and co-workers and not taking equal time to replenish ourselves. (Some of us even feel selfish when we take time out of our busy schedules to meet our own needs.)

Endless doing for others robs us of our power. In a culture that praises doers, many of us feel uncomfortable just resting and relaxing. Our power lies in our ability to give ourselves the care we would give other people. And, ironically, when we take care of ourselves in this way, the people around us also get our very best.

Why You Need to Step Outside Your Clique to Lead

I’ve noticed that too often women in organizations put themselves in silos. They spend much of their time with women of similar backgrounds.

If you want to be a leader and be seen as one, you must move out of your clique. At first you may be uncomfortable as you branch out, but not only will your life be more enriched, you’ll have a better chance of success  within your  organization and with people you interact with outside.

Here are three ways to practice the kind of thinking that will help you step out of your comfort zone.

Decide to be curious and interested in learning about other cultures. Be willing to take a risk, observe other people’s behaviors and ask appropriate questions. View situations from another perspective.

Look for differences and similarities. Be mindful of the fact that not every person from a particular culture, gender, generation thinks the same, and that there are differences based on other factors

Make your mind a clean slate. When you are observing other cultures, do so with the intention of learning. If you find yourself being judgmental, do a thought intervention. Reframe your inner conversation by thinking, “That’s interesting. I want to know more.”  This also means being conscious of your own biases. I’ve known more than a few women who insist that “male  thinking styles” are all wrong, instead of realizing that diverse thinking styles make us strong.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Trisha Yearwood Part 2: Growth, Family and Turkey

As promised, here is part two of our interview with Grammy-winning country artist Trisha Yearwood. Here Trish shares her thoughts on growth, loss and the holidays. And she gave us a fantastic recipe for turkey and dressing casserole!

The holidays are a mixed bag for many of us. It's wonderful to get together, but some of us may be dealing with loss. What are your thoughts about that?

My mom died in October two years ago, pretty close to Christmas. That first Christmas, I just didn’t want to be festive. So we went to California and spent a few days in Malibu--it was a completely different setting. There was just no rule about what it had to be. Last year, I really wanted to celebrate Christmas because I do love it. On November 8, my mom’s birthday, Garth put Christmas lights all around the house. That was a really cool thing.

The challenging experiences in life mold you, but in a good way.

Garth and the girls are really special. How do you manage time for your busy career and time for them?

When Garth and I got married, almost eight years ago, we were at a place in our careers where we didn’t have to be gone all the time. He had retired from touring but I hadn’t. But I didn’t want to be gone 100 days out of the year. Why be together to be apart? Garth was the one who said, “You just have to make things work for your life.” And we have worked hard as a couple to prioritize family time. That’s why I wrote my first cookbook, it was something I could do at home. When the Food Network wanted me to do a show, I said, “I can’t be away from home a lot.” So they said, “Ok, we’ll come to Oklahoma.” We shoot the program five miles down the road.

What do you want your legacy to be?

The highest compliment I can receive is when someone says, “I knew your mother and father and I see them in you.” I don’t have the goal of being in history books and someone going, “Look what Trisha Yearwood did for the world.” I want to impact the people around me in a positive way, to be true to myself and the people I care about.

And that has been a process. I spent a lot of years as a younger woman changing my personality depending on who I was with. That’s why I’d rather be 49 than 29. At this age, you become accepting of who you are and you enjoy your life so much more.

What’s your definition of confidence?

It’s trusting yourself. Early on, if I got feedback that wasn’t 100% positive, I’d feel like breaking down and crying. I had to work hard on being a little tougher and believing in my decisions. I was lucky, everyone from my producer, to the record label asked me what I wanted to see happen with my records. I knew what kind of artist I was and what kind of music I wanted to sing. I didn’t say, 'I’ll sing whatever you want me to, and you can dress me how you think is best.'  I’ve never recorded a song or put a photograph on a record cover that I didn’t love. Now I can say, 'All the decisions that got me here, good or bad, are mine. Some of them were great and some of them weren’t, but this is who I am because of them.'

I think it’s harder for new artists nowadays. There’s a lot of emphasis on their image, and so much goes into that before they even release their first single. There’s more pressure and more expectation than there was for me.

Trisha's Turkey and Dressing Casserole

Ingredients

1 whole bone-in, skin-on turkey breast, 5 to 7 pounds
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, softened
Salt and pepper
1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary
1 teaspoon dried thyme
One 8-inch pan prepared cornbread (about 1 pound), crumbled
10 slices white bread, torn into small pieces
1/4 cup dried cranberries
2 tablespoons olive oil
4 celery stalks, diced
2 carrots, chopped
1 medium onion, chopped
1 cup orange juice

Directions

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees F.
Rub the turkey breast with the butter and sprinkle with salt, pepper, rosemary and  thyme. Place the turkey skin-side-up in a large roasting pan and cover with a  tight-fitting lid or aluminum foil. Bake until an internal thermometer inserted into the thickest part of the breast registers 165 degrees F, 1 1/2 to 2 hours or about 15 minutes per pound.

Let rest for 10 minutes. Cut the breast into thick slices and set aside. Pour the pan juices into a measuring cup and skim off the fat (use the fat for gravy). You'll need 2 to 3 cups of liquid for the dressing; supplement with chicken stock as needed.

In a very large bowl, mix together the crumbled cornbread, torn white bread and the cranberries. Heat the olive oil in a medium saucepan. Add the celery, carrots and onion and cook until tender, about 7 minutes. Add 1/4 cup of the turkey pan juices and continue cooking until the vegetables are translucent, about 6  minutes.

Add the cooked vegetables to the bread mixture. Pour in the orange juice and 1 cup of the pan juices and mix well, using a sturdy spoon or your hands. Continue adding pan juices (or chicken stock) until the mixture is very moist, almost soupy.

Put the dressing in a 9-by-13-by-2-inch casserole dish. Lay the turkey slices on top of the dressing, using almost all of the meat (reserve the rest for gravy or leftovers). Cover the casserole and refrigerate overnight.

The next day, preheat the oven to 350 degrees F. Remove the casserole from the refrigerator and let it stand at room temperature while the oven is heating. Bake until heated through, about 45 minutes. The dressing should be moist. If it appears to have dried out too much overnight, pour
another cup of turkey juice over it.

How to Handle Loss on the Holidays

Some of us may be going through the loss of a loved one during the holidays. And if that's true, it is difficult to move through this time.

Be extra good to yourself. Try to put few expectations on how you think you should be responding or for that matter, how other people should be responding to you.

Honor all your feelings. It's okay to feel sad and even angry, if that comes up.

Offer a random act of kindness to yourself.

-WomenWorking Staff

Grammy Winner with Heart and Confidence

We recently interviewed Grammy-winning country singer Trisha Yearwood on her life as an artist, mother, wife and Food Network star. She had some fabulous stories and wonderful words of wisdom. Check in tomorrow for part two of our interview and one of Trisha's favorite Thanksgiving recipes!

Who early on saw something in you that you didn’t see in yourself and what was it?

As a little girl, you don’t think there are any limits. When I was five years old I wanted to be Cher. There was nothing in me that felt I couldn’t do it. And at 49, I still secretly – or not so secretly – wish I were Cher.

When you get a little bit older, that’s when doubt starts to set in. I grew up in a very small town where nobody remotely close to me was anywhere near that world of entertainment. My dad was a small-town banker, my mom was a school teacher, but they never told me I couldn’t be a singer. They encouraged me. My high school chorus teacher, Bob Dean, was the one who told me about Belmont College in Nashville. He said, “I just see potential in you.” I ultimately went there and studied music business.

I read that you sang with your husband, Garth Brooks, early on?

We were both singing demos for publishers and songwriters and he had just gotten his first record deal. A songwriter who was a mutual friend of ours hired us both to sing on a session and that day was foretelling on a lot of levels. We instantly clicked. We sang together like we had been doing it all our lives.

After Garth’s first album came out, he said maybe he could talk to someone at Capitol Records about helping me. But I said, “I don’t want anybody else to get me a record deal.” So I didn’t go to Capitol, I went to MCA Records instead and that’s where I ended up.

Garth offered me the opening position on his tour, which put me in front of 10,000 people every night. He gave me the entire stage, which is unusual for an opening performer, and I was a singer, not an entertainer, so I didn’t know what to do. I was terrified!

What was the most rewarding moment in your career?

There have been several. There are those moments like winning a Grammy or becoming a member of the Grand Ole Opry—which means getting to be in the club with Patsy Cline. That’s the history of country music. And those moments that you never would have imagined, like singing at the closing ceremonies of the 1996 Olympics or singing in Italy with Pavarotti. There are also fun memories like getting to be a guest on Sesame Street. When you find yourself on a show you started watching when you were five, it’s surreal.

What advice would you give to women about not giving up, despite obstacles they encounter?

I feel lucky because I haven’t run into a lot of major obstacles. But I believe everything is about your outlook. You can talk yourself into believing you don’t deserve the life you want or it’s too hard. Or you can choose not to focus on the negative. Do I believe that it’s more difficult for women on a lot of levels? Yes, I do. But that’s not part of my mindset. My thinking has always been, someone has to be on the radio, why not me?

I’m a firm believer that if you follow the path of the thing that drives you, you’ll find a way. It would have been easier for me to work at the bank with my dad, but music was my passion. It feeds my soul and I’d be so unhappy if I weren’t doing it. For me, it’s been wonderful and successful, but if it weren’t, I’d probably be singing at the Holiday Inn five nights a week.