Helene Lerner's Blog, page 133

Feeling Frustrated? How to Reach Your Goals

We asked our Facebook community what they do when they’re working towards a goal and things seem to be moving more slowly than they’d like. Here are some of their insightful responses:

 Nherie Tellado: If I am doing all that I know I can do, I just know I have to be patient.

MaryBeth Coudal: I remember it takes years to become an overnight success.

Katie Doyle Montanaro: Stay the course!

Consulting Hands: “I am only human” is my motto! I can only do my best. It will happen. I always get there.

Cari Lynn: Remember the turtle won the race.

Kim Carone: One step at a time. Progress comes from knocking things off the to-do list. I like to focus on the baby steps needed to reach my goal.

Meghann Hempel: One step at a time. Day by day!

Norbert Imoh: Be patient, be determine, be focused.

Why We Need to Recognize Women Veterans

[image error]

With Veterans' Day approaching, we intereviewed Genevieve Chase, founder of the nonprofit organization American Women Veterans. Here is what she had to say.

What is it that drew you to military service?

My grandparents were survivors of the Korean War and I inherited a great reverence for the United States from them. I always felt that my grandmother would appreciate all of the opportunities her granddaughters have, simply by being born here. Military service was my opportunity to give back.

Was there anyone early in your life who encouraged you to pursue leadership roles?

At my high school in Seoul, South Korea, I joined the Junior Reserve Officers’ Training Corps. One of my instructors, CSM (retired) Alfred Braswell was undoubtedly my first mentor. He was like a grandfather to all of the cadets. There aren't words to describe how influential he was. He showed me that I had both the ability and the courage to lead.

You’ve recently returned from oversees. Where were you deployed? Please describe your experience.

I was deployed to Logar Province, Afghanistan and although our mission didn't require us to travel outside of our forward operating base as much as I'd liked, it was at times, extremely stressful. It was a rewarding experience and I learned a lot about myself.

In Afghanistan in 2006, your vehicle was hit by an improvised explosive device. Please tell me about the aftermath of that for you and what you’ve done to overcome it.

It's difficult to sum up all that has transpired or how something so significant impacts and changes our lives. What I learned is that, although I managed to handle the aftermath, I made it unnecessarily difficult for myself by pushing away and excluding others. I thought as a leader, I had to be “tough” and not ask for help. I've since learned that vulnerability is a strength. 

You were awarded a Bronze Star. What did that teach you about courage?

Courage isn't just about blindly facing adversity - it's about understanding your fear and moving toward it. There are so many ways to demonstrate courage, from stepping up to defend yourself or someone else who's being bullied to leaving a job that doesn't quite align with your dreams. It's about overcoming the limiting beliefs that convince us it's better to stay where we are than to boldly move toward change.

What is the primary message of American Women Veterans?

Every woman who volunteered to serve, committed herself, her family, friends and in some cases her freedom and her life, to the American people. I want each of them to be remembered.

You will be marching in the New York City Veterans’ Day Parade. What is the significance of AWV’s participation?

                              

In 2009, I told the parade organizers we wanted to get involved. They had never had a women's organization take part before. As we marched, women cheered us and little girls lit up. One woman, who had been a nurse in the Vietnam War, moved a barrier, came up to me and simply said, “Finally.” We continue to participate to bring awareness to the important contributions of servicewomen.

 

Why it's Important to be Kind Every Day

With the holiday season coming up, we thought it was a good time to reflect on the importance of kindness. Take a look at our video for insights from some notable women.

Video Editor - Dominique Guerra

 

Tips on How to Deal with a Jealous Colleague

It’s not your responsibility to take care of a jealous co-worker – it’s theirs.  It becomes your problem if they try to sabotage you.

First you need to ask yourself three questions
1.Why do you think they’re jealous?
2. What evidence do you have?
3. Why are you so concerned with their feelings, over which you have no control?

If their behavior is getting in the way of your work, then address it objectively with them.  Calmly explain the impact it’s having on your work.

If their behavior does not affect your work, the organization or anyone else’s work, safety or security, then focus instead on what you need to do to succeed.
 
Rather than make assumptions about the other person and how they feel, you can also try getting to know them and developing a relationship. That might counteract any negative feelings.

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Simple Ways to Lift Your Spirits

We polled our Facebook community and asked them one simple thing they do to lift their spirits. Here’s what they said. What would you say?

Alicia Monger: Sing!

Alicia Monger: “I’m so pretty...oh so pretty!”

Key Dynamics Coaching and Consulting Inc.: Go outside and give thanks for everything I see.

Sheena Hill: Coffee. Or listen to music. Also seeing other people laugh seems to bring me a special joy.

Ranny Levy: Breathe, reflect, pray, give thanks, cook.

Dawn Smith: Yoga back bends if possible in the moment. Try it. You can feel your heart lift and your eyes soften with love, joy and gratitude. A great way to adjust one’s perspective on the fly.

Stephanie Moss: Encouraging others makes my spirit happy.

Kim Carone: Take a walk.

Pippa Taylor: Go for a walk or a ride on my daughter's pony. That or muck out the stable!

Modern Nanny: Turn the radio on and listen to some music.

Terri Dowell: Read a gardening magazine in a hot bath.

Barbara Brandao: Walking and look at the sky and say I'm alive! I'm perfect! Thank you God!

Shiela M. Edwards: Music!

Chigozie Ohanta: Movies!

Cristal Anays Salcedo-Falcón: Read and write.

Lisa Long DeHoyos: Prayers of gratitude.

How to Relax When You're Wired

With our busy schedules and always-plugged-in lifestyles, it's easy to feel constantly wired. Here's how to unwind:

Make technology quality relaxation. When you’re using your devices for entertainment, do it consciously. On Facebook, don’t just mindlessly scroll through posts – take the time to leave a thoughtful comment for a friend or find an article to read that you’re genuinely interested in.

Don’t pile on the guilt. Creating more personal time for yourself is something to strive for, but sometimes you just can’t. Don’t feel guilty about ditching those activities you don’t have time for. You’re not doing anything wrong. Set your priorities and let other things go.

Be “anti-social.” Grabbing dinner with a girlfriend after work is a great way to relax. But many of us need time alone to rejuvenate, even if it’s only 20 minutes before bed. Read a book or give yourself a manicure – just make sure it’s a quiet, low-energy activity you can do on your own, uninterrupted.

-Sarah Cooke

What to do When Empathy Isn't Enough

When those around us are experiencing challenging emotions, many women react with empathy. This is a strength in that it allows us to be good listeners and develop meaningful relationships in our personal and professional lives. But if we want to be outstanding leaders, we need to go beyond that.

Empathy means that if someone is feeling upset, we understand what they’re going through because we know what it’s like to feel that way.  So it helps us support others when we can relate to their experiences.

But what if we can't? Then, we need to get out of our own heads and be willing to view the situation or issue through the eyes of someone else. If we prejudge them because they're different from us, we may inadvertently discount their feelings as though their reason for feeling a certain way isn’t valid.

If you are in conflict with another person, or disagree on an issue, put yourself in their position. Imagine the world from their vantage point and not from your own.

You’ll be better able to understand the reason for their behavior, viewpoint or feeling.  This will make it easier for you to find common ground and resolve the issue. Understanding does not mean you agree with them, or that their response is appropriate, but you will work better with them or develop a better strategy. 

-Simma Lieberman, "The Inclusionist"
Career Coach
www.simmalieberman.com

Three Tips to Help You Manage Stage Fright Naturally

Public speaking is something many of us are afraid of. But it can be crucial to making a good impression at the office. Here's one of our favorite blogs, with advice on overcoming those knocking knees.

You’ve prepared for a dynamite presentation. The message is planned, the slides are strong, and you know your material inside out. But as soon as you stand in front of the audience, your mind goes blank and you break out in a nervous sweat. Gemma Page Thompson, an opera singer, actor, and coach with the TAI Group in NYC, confronts this herself and successfully uses a natural resource we all have: our breath!

Every emotion we experience has its own breathing pattern: anger produces rapid, erratic breathing; sadness makes us sigh; and anxiety has shallow, rapid breaths. If you are feeling angry and take a deep breath and pause, your anger will begin to dissipate and your thoughts will settle down. Our minds are deeply affected by our breath. 

But with stage fright, many of us have tried various strategies that never seem to work. Gemma suggests focusing on breathing, in and out. This very simple instruction will quiet an unquiet mind. She also suggests taking the time to work on and improve your relationship with your breath. To make this a habit, practice deep breathing during times when you feel fairly comfortable, so you can feel its benefits as it becomes more natural to your subconscious. Try practicing morning and night every day for five minutes. 

Find somewhere to sit where you won’t be disturbed. Rest your hands in your lap, let your shoulders relax and fall back toward the floor. Relax your jaw, mouth, and tongue. Close your eyes if you feel comfortable doing so, or simply find a spot to focus on. Feel your feet on the floor, and feel your legs resting on your seat. 

Take a slow deep breath through your nose and count to four. Breathe in as deeply as you can, and feel your stomach stretch and expand. Now breathe out through your mouth slowly as you count to seven. Empty your lungs completely and pause for a moment. 

Repeat 10 times. One deep breath in and count to four, one long breath out and count to seven. Every breath will help you relax a little bit more. Taking long breaths out triggers the relaxation response in your body. It tells your mind and nervous system that you are safe and in control. 

–Andrea Zintz, Career Coach

Are You Professionally Chic?

This is the question most of us need to ask ourselves twice a year. Just like it’s good to change the batteries on your smoke alarm every six months, it’s helpful to reevaluate your aesthetic for the change of weather, if you live somewhere with dramatic seasonal changes. And it’s imperative that you dress for the position you want (not have).

Here are a few tips to help you, whatever your style.

Are you a casual dresser? 

If you are in a more creative job that has a lenient dress policy, have a blast with it! However keep in mind that you MUST keep your look polished. Fit is important when wearing comfortable attire. Try these ideas for your laid back office style casually chic yet still work appropriate:

The classic casual outfit is jeans, flat shoes, white collared button-down and layered with a sweater. Add an element of chic to your casual look with a blazer. Also dressier accessories like necklaces or cute bags to keep the look flattering

If you are in a corporate environment and its Casual Friday or even if you go in on your off time, always look the part.  Try these ideas for your casual corporate style: 

Dark denim jeans without any holes and with little distressing; keep it clean.

Never wear a tennis shoe/sneaker; a heel always makes for a longer leaner appearance.

Are you more of a feminine dresser? 

Trends likely lead you in color inspiration and patterns yet the overall style of your choice is romantic and soft.

You’ll never go wrong with styles like simple sheath dresses or peplum dresses/skirts. You should wear more sophisticated and less flirty pieces keeping more of your skin covered; like below the knee skirts/dresses, crewnecks, soft collars and ¾ length sleeves. Avoid super sexy pieces when you go with a shorter dress or skirt, wear opaque tights to fill in all that bare leg and a knee-length boot or bootie.

Are you a conservative dresser?

You have specific wardrobe staples like a two-piece suit, countless styles of button-downs and a true love for most styles with a masculine edge. Your color scheme doesn’t veer to far from the basic navy, black, gray and white however you pull in color and trend mainly in your accessories.  You can mix and match most of your work pieces for a variety of events or occasions. You may enjoy pants or skirt suits, but  you  really show your chicness in variations of fit (slim leg, ¾ sleeves, notch collar, no collar, single vs. double breasted, etc…). 

Are you a trendy dresser?

You are the style star of the office! Everyone looks to see what you will wear to work every day because you are on top of the trends.  My advice: don’t invest greatly in too many trends at once because  most of those trends will be gone by end of the season. Wear anywhere from one to three trends at a time, NO MORE! Here is an example of a trendy dresser: graphic print dress, Chanel inspired jacket with booties and black tights….trend mixed with basics is a great combination for style!

Pamela Watson is an experienced stylist who currently works as the trend expert for Builders of Style, where she prepares A-list clients for red carpet events, music videos, concerts, and award shows.

How Your Clothes Might be Keeping You From a Promotion

With the seasons changing, many of us are stocking up our wardrobes with cold weather staples. Here's a popular blog with some great tips on what to wear to work:

love style! I have always distinguished myself as authentic by what I choose to wear to see clients. I dress for appropriateness, the occasion, the weather, and what message I want my clothing and style to convey. When I came up the ranks in my corporate career, we had a very conservative dress code. Today, business casual or just plain casual dress codes reign supreme. 

We’ve all taken it as common sense that our clothing is important to the impact we have with others. Now, a study confirms it. In a survey from OfficeTeam, an independent research firm who conducted telephone interviews with more than 1,000 senior managers at companies with 20 or more employees, 80 percent of executives said clothing choices affect an employee’s chances of earning a promotion – and some respondents gave some pretty hilarious examples of outfits that missed the mark. Here are some choice examples, arranged from least offensive to the most extreme:

T-shirt and flip-flops
House slippers
See-through dresses
Fishnet stockings and stilettos
Yoga pants
Tube tops
Pajamas
Coveralls
Parachute pants
A chicken suit

To avoid seeing your attire added to this list, follow these office-apparel tips and keep your advancement plans on track.

Don’t dress too suggestively. Showing cleavage or too much leg can be distracting. Summer is a season that opens the door to a slew of potential fashion landmines for working women, including spaghetti-strap tops and gladiator sandals. Avoid this unless the dress code is so laid back that everyone, including executives, wears flip-flops. Dressing too sexy can also have psychological effects on your peers. Peter Glick, a professor of psychology at Lawrence University in Wisconsin, conducted a study that indicates that women in high-level positions who dress in too-sexy attire are viewed as less competent, regardless of their skill sets. 

Wear clothes that fit properly. Clothing that is too big or not tailored properly is a fashion snafu that can be easily avoided by buying clothes at department stores with on-site tailors or finding one of your own. Get a second opinion from a friend or colleague you trust if you can’t judge for yourself. 

Assess your work environment. Look around to see what is and what is not appropriate to wear in your office. Are the female VP’s wearing stockings in the summer months? Does your manager rarely take off her blazer or does she favor skirts and skinny jeans? As a consultant, I always stick to the rule of dressing more conservatively than required. This raises your credibility and keeps you from being under-estimated. 

With the proper attitude, you can match your company’s fashion culture without having to dress “boring.” Find stylish yet appropriate items that assert your individuality and personal style to boost your confidence to demonstrate that you are the whole package – smarts, skills, knowledge, attitude, and impact. 

–Andrea Zintz, Career Coach