When Being Too Bold Can Hold You Back

In my blog series on skills for career success, I share how Experiencing Doing, Risking Linking, and Exhibiting Mastery are three of the six critical components of building a successful career. The fourth is Showing Belonging. This means demonstrating to others in the organization that you are a group member who will contribute to the common good and/or interests. As a poet and author, Haniel Long wrote, “When I meet a new person, I am on the lookout for signs of what he or she is loyal to. It is a preliminary clue to the sense of belonging, and hence of his or her humanity.”  This describes the spirit of showing belonging. This skill builds relationships, trust, and establishes your interest and contribution to the group goals.

Think about times in your life when you were part of a group or team.  How did you feel when someone in the group offered to do something that advanced the team’s interests? It communicated how this person cared. 

Here are three ways that showing you belong to the group can pay off for your career:

Building a group identity that will strengthen relationship connections and bonds. When someone contacts me to say they are part of a group that I am part of or identify with, I give them special attention. We, as humans, are group-oriented social animals. We begin our lives in family groups, and as we continue to behave as members of groups at school, work and in communities, we see that groups can provide a safe, nurturing, non-judgmental environment where members can feel accepted and emotionally supported. Showing you are part of the group builds these critical connections that will serve you throughout your career.

Gaining “forgiveness points.”  We are all individuals with the choice to conform to the group norms or stand out as distinctive. Both are important in balance. In my life, I have always stood out as very energetic, bold with my ideas and someone who dresses more colorfully than others at work. This was a problem for me early in my career, because groups tend to like conformity – especially in large corporations. The rule here is - you can be as different as you are perceived as credible. You must be aware of and respect this balance. If I have a bold personality, I will demonstrate other ways I conform – through how I dress and my valuable contributions to the group goals – to generate a balance.  This earns “forgiveness points” from members of the group who will say, “She may be different, but she is terrific!” However, here’s a caution: In a situation in which you want to impress and be accepted by others, ask yourself whether an action conflicts with your values, and consider whether you would be willing to compromise your own opinion of yourself just so others would have a higher one of you. Ultimately, you are the only one who has to live with your actions.

Building a reputation as a team player.  You can do this by 1. demonstrating reliability – being counted on as one who gets work done and her fair share to work hard and consistently meet commitments. 2. Communicating constructively – speaking up to express your thoughts and ideas clearly, honestly and respectfully. 3. Listening actively to understand and consider ideas and others’ points of view. 4. Behaving as an active participant – prepared for team meetings and being fully engaged, and taking initiative to make things happen. 5. Openly sharing information, knowledge and experience and keeping others informed. 6. Cooperating and pitching in to help – working with others in partnership to solve problems. 7. Exhibiting flexibility – to deal with changes and adapting to new situations, considering new points of view. 8. Keeping your sense of humor and having fun – of course, not at another’s expense, but in a professional manner.

Overall, showing belonging means looking beyond your own piece of the work and caring about the team's overall work. In the end, it’s about seeing the team succeed and knowing you have contributed to this success, which delivers returns to you as your large fan club.

–Andrea Zintz, PhD
Career Coach
President, Strategic Leadership Resources LLC
www.strategicleadershipresources.com