Terri Cole's Blog, page 19

647 How to be a Powerful Speaker with Ashley Stahl

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“Spend 20% of your time writing a talk and 80% of your time practicing it. The day you give the talk should be the most boring day of all.” – Ashley Stahl

Intro

I am so excited to have my pal, best-selling author and speaking expert, Ashley Stahl back on the show to talk all things public speaking!

Whether you want to give keynote speeches, give a presentation at work, or pitch a crucial project, Ashley’s tips will help you shine. We talked about the aspects of viral speeches, from the title to the opening and structure, as well as stage presence and the power of pausing.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Highlights:2:30 Ashley’s U-turn from counter-terrorism to public speaking11:50 Important things to consider when you’re trying to write a viral speech17:30 The two types of effective openers21:20 How to own the room – Learning stage presence17:30 Stage presence and the real task of performance33:00 How public speaking can lead to self-inquiryConnect with Ashley Stahl

Ashley Stahl started her career in counterterrorism at the Pentagon in DC and has since become a career expert, author, podcaster, and speaker. She is the author of the international best-selling book YOU Turn and a top 100 TEDx speaker. She has been featured in Forbes, The Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, The Steve Harvey Show and so many more. Many believe you need to pitch and wait at the mercy of finally getting a shot at national TV shows, or being accepted into Forbes columns, entrepreneur magazines and more. Personal branding can be a hamster wheel but Ashley has found a way to make it a launch pad to 10X any career. She has found a SUPER HIGHWAY to launching your personal brand to vitality through TEDx. She has coached and booked 100+ entrepreneurs to create and book their own TEDx talks in order to skyrocket their personal brands.

Website: https://wisewhisperagency.com

(Make sure to mention this interview to get $1,000 off within 90 days of the show airing! Expires Dec. 19, 2024.)

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

5 Traits of High-Functioning Codependency (Is This You?)

Does it feel like if you don’t fix problems or move things forward, no one will?

Do you feel overly responsible, like everything will fall apart if you don’t do all the things?

Do you just find yourself saying, “It’s just faster/easier/more efficient if I do it myself”?

If you’re nodding your head, this episode is for you because I am talking about the five traits of high-functioning codependency (HFC), the cycle of codependency I often see my clients go through, and how to shift from over-doing and over-giving into more balance and less exhaustion.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

Trait #1: You’re Overly Invested In Others, To Your Detriment

The defining trait of high-functioning codependency is being overly invested in the feeling states, outcomes, circumstances, relationships, and finances of the people in your life to the detriment of your own internal peace and well-being.

I often get pushback when I talk about this: Well, I’m just a nice person. I’m loving. I’m kind. What’s wrong with that?

Nothing.

But if you compulsively jump into action for others, auto-fix, auto-advice give, or auto-accommodate, you’re not just being nice. You’re being an HFC.

Being nice has to be a conscious choice.

HFCs make it all look easy, while inside, they’re often exhausted, resentful, or burnt out.

No one knows they’re suffering because they’re excellent at saying, “I’m good. I got it. Don’t worry about me!”

HFCs consistently present a polished everything is fine, nothing to see here vibe.

And while they care a lot about others, they don’t love it if others are worried about them because they don’t want to feel like a burden.

Does this sound like you?

Trait #2: You Might Be a Hyper-Helper or Unhealthy Helper

Being a hyper-helper looks like taking on other people’s problems like they’re your own, or feeling like whatever is happening to your people is also happening to you.

Think about it: if your best friend called you in a crisis, how quickly would their crisis become yours?

I’m not talking about how quickly you become concerned or offer to help.

I’m talking about how quickly it literally feels like their problem is now yours to fix and like it’s happening to you.

You can tell the difference by the urgency you feel. If it’s all hands on deck, forget whatever I was doing a moment ago, my sole focus is this now, you’re being an HFC.

The difference is reacting (unconsciously) rather than responding (consciously).

Unhealthy helping looks more like doing things for others they can and should do themselves.

Are you encouraging your teenager, partner, colleague, friend, or family member to depend on you? Or are you fostering dependency or interdependency?

For example, are you paying your adult child’s rent because their finances are a mess and you don’t want them to get evicted?

When you get involved in another grown adult’s life like this, you’ve crossed over onto their side of the street because it’s not yours to manage. Yes, even if they’re your kid. (More on that here.)

This leads me to the third trait…

Trait #3: You Have Disordered Boundaries

Disordered boundaries as an HFC can mean being outwardly focused on others.

In my upcoming book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency, I share a story about a high-functioning client who was a partner at a law firm working 60 hours a week (minimum), chair of the PTA, organizer of amazing girlfriend getaways, and overly involved in the life of the family nanny.

She didn’t realize how much bandwidth she was bleeding by doing for everyone else until one day, in a dramatic turn of events, her body told her.

After a deposition went long and her assistant called out sick, she arrived home only for her nanny to share the news that her boyfriend cheated (again) and her father was ill.

In the middle of suggesting solutions to her babysitter’s problem, my client suddenly couldn’t breathe.

She went to the ER because she was sure she was dying.

After an EKG came back normal, a doctor asked her if she had ever had a panic attack before.

Immediately offended, she replied, “No way it was a panic attack. It felt like an elephant was crushing my chest.”

There was nothing wrong with her heart, but there was something wrong with the amount she was doing, giving, and feeling. It was all too much.

Even though she couldn’t see it, her body told a different story. 

This offered us an opportunity to explore the concept of high-functioning codependency.

Like many of my clients, she resisted it at first. “I’m not dependent on anyone and I’m not involved with an alcoholic.” (This is a common misconception about codependency; enabling an addict is not the only form it takes.)

After I explained these traits to her, she saw herself in them, and our work began.

For her, disordered boundaries looked like doing things other people were capable of doing for themselves. In all her tasking and doing for others, she was the boundary trampler, which is painful and difficult to admit when you’re a big-hearted HFC.

Trait #4: You Minimize, Ignore, or Deny Problems

HFCs often ignore, minimize, or deny problems to avoid conflict, especially when it involves them personally.

They might make excuses for other people’s crappy behavior or say, “I don’t want to make a big deal out of nothing!”.

As a result, HFCs usually seek to fix problems quickly.

For example, let’s say your partner is running late for work, can’t get the car started, and they’re panicking about what to do.

You suggest taking an Uber to work so they can take the other vehicle. You’ve immediately fixed the problem (while wondering why they couldn’t think of a solution themselves).

The problem with doing too much for too many for too long is eventually, we feel angry, bitter, and taken advantage of.

Again, there’s a compulsiveness to this behavior, which is why I don’t talk about “curing” high-functioning codependency.

Instead, I talk about helping you get into recovery from these ingrained and habituated behaviors because we can change our behaviors.

Rather than making excuses for others and minimizing out of fear, we have to get honest about how we feel and turn our focus inward.

You’ll find more tips on how to do this inside the guide, which you can download here.

Trait #5: You Self-Sacrifice + Self-Abandon

Since HFCs are highly capable, they don’t feel like they need a lot, which makes it easy for them to worry about making sure everyone else has what they need.

But self-sacrifice and self-abandonment lead to resentment and burnout. Or, as I like to say, it’s a one-way ticket to Bitterland.

There are no other stops because endlessly not resting or considering your needs and desires is unsustainable.

The Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency

What happens when we insist on self-abandoning and self-sacrificing?

The HFC cycle I’ve observed in many of my clients goes like this: we give waaayyy too many f**ks for people’s feelings, situations, and circumstances, and then suddenly smash into a wall and burn out. Afterward, we have no more f**ks to give. (I haven’t found a better way to describe this but I have seen it over and over.)

Often, but not always, hitting the wall coincides with perimenopause and menopause because our bandwidth is already strained from navigating all those changes.

At its core, codependency is an overt or covert bid to control other people’s outcomes. I find that most people want to recover from HFC because the existential loneliness that comes from being in this position of control is painful, exhausting, and unsustainable.

How to Shift Into Recovery From High-Functioning Codependency

Recovering from high-functioning codependency looks like moving from doing too much for others to taking care of ourselves and prioritizing what we need, want, and desire.

It’s important because no one else can do it for us.

This looks like doing what is right for us, which requires us to know our preferences and how we feel about things. We often don’t because we’re too busy worrying about what other people feel to tune into our own feelings.

If you’re anything like my clients, you may worry about how others feel because you’re trying to keep the peace.

But we can’t go through life avoiding conflict.

Conflict isn’t my favorite thing, either, but if your highest value is avoiding conflict, you will not have the life you want. It just doesn’t work.

Healthy relationships involve showing up and not over-promising, not doing more than your share, following through, and keeping your word. Not just to others, but to yourself.

If you say you’re not working on the weekends, don’t. If you say you’re taking a day off, take it. If you say you’ll start meditating, even if it’s just for two minutes in the morning for yourself, prioritize it.

A big part of Too Much talks about self-consideration because self-love and self-care get confusing. Self-consideration is what you need to shift some of these HFC behaviors.

Again, I have tips on how to do this in the guide, and if you haven’t pre-ordered Too Much yet, please do. We have so many festivities going on with the book launch including events in NYC and a virtual celebration for all! My Epic Relationships Summit is happening between October 8-10! I can’t wait for it all, and if you can make it to one of my events, I’d love to see you and squish you in person.

In the meantime, I hope this episode added value to your life. I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or Instagram (@terricole). Do any of these traits resonate with you? Which ones? How could you lighten your load and prioritize yourself?

Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.

646 5 Traits of High-Functioning Codependency (Is This You?)



Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Spotify
Listen & Stitcher.
Listen & Google.
Listen & PlayerFM.

“Instead of making excuses for others, we have to get honest about how we feel and stop minimizing our problems.” – Terri Cole

Intro

Does it feel like if you don’t fix problems or move things forward, no one will?

Do you feel overly responsible, like everything will fall apart if you don’t do all the things?

Do you just find yourself saying, “It’s just faster/easier/more efficient if I do it myself”?

If you’re nodding your head, this episode is for you because I am talking about the five traits of high-functioning codependency (HFC), the cycle of codependency I often see my clients go through, and how to shift from over-doing and over-giving into more balance and less exhaustion.

Highlights:3:30 Being overly invested in the feeling states, outcomes, and circumstances of other people5:40 Unhealthy helping and taking on other people’s problems8:45 You are focused on others rather than asserting your own boundaries12:30 You ignore, minimize, or deny problems, especially your own problems14:40 Self-sacrificing and self-abandoningLinks Mentioned:

Visit  hfcbook.com to order my brand new book about breaking the cycle of high functioning codependency, Too Much!

Sign up for my upcoming summit on real love here: terricole.com/summit

Find the downloadable guide I made to go along with today’s episode here.

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

Here are some ways I can support you:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?

645 The Sixth Stage of Grief with David Kessler

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“There’s no meaning in my son’s death, a murder, a divorce, a breakup, or sexual abuse. The meaning is in us. It’s who we become after. When we have excavated the pain, who’s left?” – David Kessler

Intro

I am thrilled to welcome world-renowned grief expert, David Kessler, to the show to talk about his new workbook, Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief Workbook: Tools for Releasing Pain and Remembering with Love.

Unresolved grief is so common, and I love the way David makes this topic so accessible. During this conversation, we talk about ALL kinds of grief, because it’s not just about losing someone you love. It’s also about endings and abrupt changes.

David is such a kind soul and no matter what loss you’ve experienced, I think you’ll find comfort and hope in his message.

Highlights:3:30 David’s early relationship with grief and trauma8:20 How helping others has impacted David’s own wounds10:20 Love as the antidote for the pain of grief12:25 What is grief?18:00 Overcoming fear to live in the present moment24:20 Coping with the grief of early loss32:40 Post-traumatic growth35:45 David’s most challenging boundary struggle41:30 How anticipatory grief can distract from joyConnect with David Kessler

David Kessler is one of the world’s foremost experts on grief and loss. His experience with thousands of people on the edge of life and death has taught him the secrets to living a happy and fulfilled life, even afterlife’s tragedies.

He’s the author of six bestselling books, including Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, while his first book, The Needs of The Dying, received praise from Mother Teresa. His new workbook, Finding Meaning (October 1 2024) is filled with navigation techniques for complicated grief, and tools for guilt, rumination, and overwhelming feelings.

For most of his life, David has taught physicians, nurses, counselors, police, and first responders about the end of life, trauma, and grief. He facilitates talks, workshops and retreats for those experiencing grief. However, despite his vast knowledge on grief, his life was turned upside down by the sudden death of his twenty-one-year-old son. It inspired him to write his newest book, Finding Meaning. He is the founder of www.grief.com which has over five million visits yearly from 167 countries.

Workbook: https://amzn.to/3T7k0lE
Social: https://instagram.com/iamdavidkessler / https://tiktok.com/@iamdavidkessler

Here are some ways we can connect and grow together:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. There are super JUICY bonuses when you pre-order, so what are you waiting for?

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea?

Kindness or Control? | The Hidden Layers of Codependency

Do you automatically accommodate others because it’s the “nice” thing to do?

Do you consistently overthink how your actions will impact others?

Are you always on the lookout for how you can help people or solve problems?

If you’ve ever wondered where the line is between codependent, caring, or controlling behavior, this episode is for you.

I’m breaking down the distinction by discussing a little-known aspect of codependency, sharing real-life examples to clarify, and providing tips on how to shift from codependency to healthy giving.

Prefer the audio? Listen here.

What Is Codependency?

According to me, codependency is being overly invested in the feeling states, the outcomes, the relationships, the circumstances, decisions, or the finances of the people in your life to the detriment of your own internal peace and well-being.

The less often talked about part of codependency is how it’s a desire to control other people’s outcomes.

Maybe you don’t want your friend to marry the jerk she’s engaged to and try to convince her she deserves better.

Maybe you cover for your adult child when they miss their work shift.

Or maybe you take on more than your fair share of tasks at work or home.

These are enabling and codependent behaviors and, at their core, a bid for control.

A desire for control can be difficult to identify with when you’re a big-hearted person who cares about others (like many of you).

When I was highly codependent in my younger life, I didn’t realize my wanting to be helpful was a desire to control outcomes for others, but it was.

I felt obligated to give my opinion on everything to everyone, even when no one asked.

A friend could tell me they were driving somewhere, and I’d say, “Make sure to take the parkway over the turnpike!” despite them being perfectly capable of figuring it out since we all have GPS and they hadn’t even asked me!

The Distinction Between Codependency + Caring

You might think telling someone to take the parkway is nice or helpful…so where’s the line? What makes a behavior codependent rather than caring?

Compulsion and a feeling of urgency.

It’s one thing to choose to be nice. It’s another to automatically interject, over-give, or over-function (like I did).

High-functioning codependents feel compelled to help because other people’s problems feel like a five-alarm fire to them. They take these problems on as their own and jump into ‘fix it’ mode.

Do these behaviors sound familiar to you?

The other important distinction is whether you’re giving from a place of fear or love.

If you feel responsible for someone else’s decision and believe something bad might happen if you don’t intervene, your actions might be driven more by fear than love. (Even if you love the person!)

How Codependency Impacts Relationships

Codependent behaviors present barriers to intimacy in our relationships.

When we can’t help but give our two cents on everything someone does, it robs them of their ability to be sovereign and independent.

Whether it’s our adult children, a partner, or friends, we lack respect when we assume we know what people should do in their lives.

We don’t know better than they do. How could we? We’re not living their life, nor do we know what’s in their heart.

This is true even when you’re 100% sure someone is doing something wrong, like having an affair. It’s their move to make. Not yours.

Your mistakes, failures, and accomplishments are your own. This goes for others, too. We need to respect other people’s right to live, make mistakes, and course correct (or not).

As difficult as it may be to watch from the sidelines when we get overly invested in people’s situations and outcomes, we tend to make it about us, and it’s not.

This isn’t to say we should abandon our loved ones, but we can offer support without treating their problems as though they’re ours.

Feeling Obligated to Give Opinions + Advice

Let’s take a closer look at auto-advice giving with real-life examples because this is one of the bigger intimacy blockers of high-functioning codependency.

Many years ago, my son and his then-girlfriend were living together and had just painted the walls of their house with rich, dark, and saturated colors. They loved it.

My thought was, Great! If you love it, I love it for you. I didn’t need to weigh in and say, “I wouldn’t put that in my house,” because it wasn’t about me. It was about them.

But her father piped up when we were out to dinner with the GF’s parents. “They know I’m going to tell them the truth. Those dark walls look stupid. They make the place look smaller.”

The truth… according to who?

His truth wasn’t The Truth, and even though he had a right to it, he also had a right to keep it to himself because no one asked.

Weighing in unnecessarily like this can be a real downer for everyone involved.

_______________

Years ago, during conversations where I just wanted to vent, a close friend kept giving her opinion despite me not asking for it.

She kept saying, “I think you’re right. I agree.”

When I told her, “I’m asking you to hold space. I’m not asking you to weigh in,” she replied asking, “Why? I’m validating and approving of you.”

I reiterated, “I don’t want you to approve of me. I want you to witness me and be in this foxhole of stress with me.”

She thought she was doing the right thing by giving her thumbs up.

Many of us were raised to believe this is a good way to relate to others, but it can feel invalidating, and there are healthier ways to relate (which we’ll get to soon).

_______________

Another example of feeling obligated to give opinions is yum-yucking, which I write about in my upcoming book, Too Much: A Guide to Breaking the Cycle of High-Functioning Codependency.

This is when we feel compelled to say things like, “I like that. I don’t like that. I wouldn’t do it that way; I’d do it this way. I think that’s wonderful! Those boots go great with that skirt. I hate those shoes with that outfit.”

It’s a way to feel in control and to avoid being with ourselves as endlessly yum-yucking about other people’s lives leaves us with precious little bandwidth to simply exist.

What Codependent Relating Looks Like

You might be wondering what codependently relating looks like in practice.

Signs include an inability to say no, going above and beyond, and having disordered boundaries.

Many high-functioning codependents don’t realize how often they trample on other people’s boundaries because they feel compelled to “help,” especially when help isn’t asked for. (This was me years ago, no judgment!)

We might say things like, “I’m just trying to make your life easier! I know someone. I can connect you two.”

We don’t realize how inserting ourselves as the solution centers us in the other person’s problem.

There’s also a tendency to auto-accommodate, where we feel compelled to fix something in our environment or be part of the solution to fixing it.

This can look like feeling responsible for the world and codependent with our environment. Here’s a personal example from a few years ago:

I was at my hair salon, taking up a sink because I had a mask sitting on my hair.

It was a busy day. As the line for sinks grew longer, I began feeling anxious.

Eventually, I called an employee over to tell her I could move if needed. She said, “We’re good, but thanks.”

She clearly didn’t need my help managing the flow of their sink traffic, but my high-functioning codependent tendencies made me feel overly responsible for it.

Besides auto-accommodating, there’s also anticipatory planning, where we’re ten steps ahead in trying to avoid negative outcomes.

For example, in the days leading up to seeing a difficult person in your life, you might obsess over various ways to placate them and lessen the chances of a problem arising.

No matter what the situation, high-functioning codependents spend an enormous amount of time and bandwidth thinking about how to avoid conflict to the best of their ability (really, more than the best of their ability).

It. Is. Exhausting.

The cost of HFC is burnout, loss of intimacy in relationships, and resentment.

When I was actively codependent, I felt like people were taking advantage of me. Through therapy, my 50% of interactions became clear: I was serving myself up on a silver platter, doing things no one asked of me, and expecting a parade for it anyway.

These are not healthy ways of relating. Let’s look at what is healthy.

Shifting From Codependent Relating to Healthy Relating

Healthy ways of relating include mutuality, interdependence, saying yes when we mean yes and no when we mean no, being aware of our needs, slowing down and making conscious choices, and knowing what’s on our side of the street and what isn’t.

I go into this more in Too Much, but if you identify with any of the codependent behaviors mentioned above, you’re not alone and nothing is wrong with you.

Most of us grew up seeing these behaviors modeled and normalized by our parental impactors, and now we have to begin unlearning them.

I recommend making small, incremental changes.

Instead of jumping to offer advice, say, “I have no doubt you’ll figure it out.”

If someone comes to you looking for advice, ask expansive questions. “What do you think you should do? Your gut instinct is good. Nobody knows more than you do what you should do.”

Put as much effort into helping people find their own answers as you did giving them advice.

Remember, your answers might be right for you, but that doesn’t mean they’re right for everyone.

At the core of this discussion is how we relate to others, a topic I am super passionate about, which is why I’m excited to announce my Epic Relationships Summit!

If you want to create healthier relationships with mutuality and interdependence, join me from October 8-10 by signing up here. It’s free!

I’m speaking with 25+ relationship experts to give you powerful insights on building stronger, healthier, and more fulfilling relationships. Some of those amazing experts include Dr. Shefali, Mark Groves, Dr. Alexandra Soloman, Jillian Turecki, and Gay Hendricks.

How we relate to others is everything, and I cannot wait to share this with you.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and takeaways in the comments or on Instagram (@terricole). Do you feel clearer on the distinction between codependency and caring? Can you relate to any of these behaviors or see how they’re a bid for control? How might you begin to shift how you relate to others?

Have an amazing week and as always, take care of you.

644 Kindness or Control? | The Hidden Layers of Codependency

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Spotify
Listen & Stitcher.
Listen & Google.
Listen & PlayerFM.

“Let’s make the distinction: Feeling overly responsible for other people’s lives is not being nice. If you can’t not do it, then it’s a compulsion, not a choice. Being nice needs to be a choice.” – Terri Cole

Intro

Do you automatically accommodate others because it’s the “nice” thing to do?

Do you consistently overthink how your actions will impact others?

Are you always on the lookout for how you can help people or solve problems?

If you’ve ever wondered where the line is between codependent, caring, or controlling behavior, this episode is for you. 

I’m breaking down the distinction by discussing a little-known aspect of codependency, sharing real-life examples to clarify, and providing tips on how to shift from codependency to healthy giving.

Highlights:4:20 Defining codependency and recognizing when helping is over-giving8:30 The consequences of over-giving on our relationships16:30 How I realized I was still auto-accommodating17:50 What anticipatory planning looks like19:15 Ways to reduce your own over-giving codependent behaviorLinks Mentioned:

To hear my upcoming summit with 30 experts on real love, click here! terricole.com/summit

Visit  hfcbook.com to order my brand new book about breaking the cycle of high functioning codependency, Too Much.

Take the boundary quiz and learn more about your Boundary Style

Here are some ways I can support you:

I WROTE A BOOK ABOUT BOUNDARIES! Boundary Boss is THE essential guidebook for authentically expressing your desires, setting healthy limits, and bringing more satisfaction, joy, and peace into all of your personal and professional relationships. Purchase your copy now!

TAKE THE BOUNDARY STYLE QUIZ I always say, ya can’t change anything until you become aware of it, so take the quiz and discover your unique boundary style!

FOLLOW ME ON SOCIAL Instagram is my jam and one of my favorite ways to connect with you. I put out new content there every, single day.

JOIN OUR FREE FACEBOOK GROUP Become a part of our powerful community of real love revolutionaries!

SIGN UP FOR THE NEWSLETTER Want love notes from me delivered straight to your inbox? I share things to inspire and empower you each week, plus what I’m reading, watching, cooking…you get the idea ?

643 Nothing to Fear with Hospice Nurse Julie McFadden

Listen & Subscribe on iTunes/Apple Podcasts
Listen & Subscribe on Spotify
Listen & Subscribe Stitcher.
Listen & Subscribe Google.
Listen & Subscribe PlayerFM.

“The more I saw death at my job as a hospice nurse, the more and more I felt comforted, not afraid, by seeing death, because I saw how well our bodies take care of us.” – Julie McFadden

Intro

I am so thrilled to welcome Hospice Nurse Julie to the show to talk to us all about end-of-life care: what to expect, what actively dying looks like, why it’s so important to normalize discussing death, and what inspired Julie to start posting on TikTok and write her book, Nothing to Fear: Demystifying Death to Live More Fully.

If you’re afraid of dying, or even thinking about death, this conversation might just be the one you need to hear. Julie’s content went viral on TikTok just after 4 days which speaks to the need for education around death and dying. And getting educated often reduces our fear around it, so I hope you enjoy this conversation with Julie as much as I did.

CW: A large portion of this conversation focuses on death and dying, and Julie talks about what actively dying looks like at the 22 minute mark. If you’re sensitive to this, please consider skipping that section or this conversation.

Highlights:4:30 How Julie’s experience as an ICU nurse gave her passion for hospice nursing7:15 The demand for a conversation around death and dying and how it prompted Julie’s book13:25 Why people struggle to talk about death and dying15:30 How listening to the body can reduce suffering in the days leading to death20:25 The biggest questions Julie gets about death21:50 What to expect when a loved one is actively dying29:00 What is hospice care and when should people seek it?33:20 Julie’s most challenging boundary struggleConnect with Julie McFadden

Julie McFadden, BSN, RN, is a hospice/palliative care nurse with more than fifteen years of experience. Passionate about normalizing death and dying, she has over three million followers across social media as @hospicenursejulie. She has been featured in Newsweek, USA Today, the Atlantic, Business Insider, the Patient Story, and many other media outlets worldwide. McFadden lives and works in California.

Follow her: @hospicenursejulie on all platforms!

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