And That’s Why I’m Single Quotes

“I like my coffee like I like myself....making rustling noises inside a burlap bag”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Every rule has an exception, and it's usually remedial”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Love is the canvas covering the furniture that you've become a part of”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Love is just the chocolate-coated realization you're going to spend the rest of your life with a person and unfortunately it melts in your mouth”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Falling in love means your reserve chute didn't work as you hurtled back to earth”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Target your random acts of kindness, to keep a tally of who owes what”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Blood is thicker than water, but they still use corn starch as a thickener on cooking shows”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“You always miss 100% of the shots you don't order”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“There's always someone we'd love to kill, the trick is to make it not look like an accident”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“I like gross generalizations...I also like disgusting specifics!”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If you take things the wrong way, be aware of which end is up”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Treat life as a suicide mission, take on the impossible jobs and attack with the gusto of someone who has nothing to lose.... and when you revel in victory, make like it's a dirty win”
― josh stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“The only difference between me and a madman is that he has the certification”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Be nice to people on your way up, because you'll land on them on your way down”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If the second date seems to be going well, it's pretty much a given that by dessert I'll renounce my faith”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Does speed dating necessarily end up in a quickie divorce....?”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“As for Chicks with Daddy Issues: Do I really want to be with a Woman who wants to be my Father?”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If life is a bowl of cherries.... do you know how many virgins it took to make that....”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If you can't beat them, conjoin them”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM DRINK FROM THE TOILET"
”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Do the thing you fear, and the death of your underwear is certain”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If you see the light at the end
of the tunnel, you’re looking
through binoculars the wrong
way”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If you deny the existence of a higher being, you've never been to rehab”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“If Life flashes before your eyes just before you die....mine will be wearing a trench coat”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Only the good die young, the bad petite-mort”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“It doesn't really matter if you're right wing or left wing....as long you're delicious”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“I'd rather be a nodding acquaintance, than a bobble head”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“True ambition is trying to paint yourself out of a corner”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“I might feel ten feet tall, but I wouldn't touch you with my pole”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single

“Y'know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations, like sitting on frozen peas after a vasectomy”
― Josh Stern, And That’s Why I’m Single