2026 Reading Challenge

N.M. Silber > N.M.'s Quotes

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  • #1
    Dorothy Parker
    “Tell him I was too fucking busy-- or vice versa.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    tags: wordplay
    1258 likes

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  • #2
    Mel Brooks
    “I've been accused of vulgarity. I say that's bullshit.”
    ― Mel Brooks
    tags: bullshit, humor, profanity, shit, vulgarity
    439 likes

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  • #3
    Groucho Marx
    “When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”
    ― Groucho Marx
    tags: friends, humor, jail
    10180 likes

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  • #4
    Dorothy Parker
    “The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    1980 likes

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  • #5
    Henny Youngman
    “A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started.”
    ― Henny Youngman
    25 likes

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  • #6
    Douglas Adams
    “I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer”
    ― Douglas Adams
    tags: attributed-no-source, humor, misattributed-douglas-adams, wit
    11372 likes

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  • #7
    N.M. Silber
    “Just flirt with him and see what happens - those were famous last words if I ever heard them.”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    11 likes

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  • #8
    N.M. Silber
    “I hated giving out free legal advice at parties, but at that moment, I would have drafted her will in crayon on a cocktail napkin ...”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    13 likes

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  • #9
    Albert Einstein
    “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.”
    ― Albert Einstein
    tags: attributed-no-source, human-nature, humor, infinity, philosophy, science, stupidity, universe
    148381 likes

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  • #10
    Oscar Wilde
    “Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
    ― Oscar Wilde
    tags: attributed-no-source, enemies, forgiveness, strategy
    81811 likes

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  • #11
    Groucho Marx
    “Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”
    ― Groucho Marx, The Essential Groucho: Writings For By And About Groucho Marx
    tags: animals, books, dogs, friends, humor
    37984 likes

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  • #12
    Steve Martin
    “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
    ― Steve Martin
    tags: humor, obvious, simile
    35268 likes

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  • #13
    Dr. Seuss
    “I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living.”
    ― Dr. Seuss
    tags: fantasy
    36842 likes

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  • #14
    Douglas Adams
    “The story so far:
    In the beginning the Universe was created.
    This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.”
    ― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
    tags: humor, scifi
    23456 likes

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  • #15
    Benjamin Franklin Wade
    “Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.”
    ― Benjamin Franklin Wade
    tags: humor, misattributed-mark-twain, philosophy, theology
    19851 likes

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  • #16
    David Sedaris
    “It is funny the things that run through your mind when you're sitting in your underpants in front of a pair of strangers.”
    ― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames
    tags: humor, self-consciousness
    74 likes

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  • #17
    N.M. Silber
    “I want more than a one-nighter with a meal plan.”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    39 likes

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  • #18
    N.M. Silber
    “Holy freaking moly! Harvard really was well endowed!”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    12 likes

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  • #19
    N.M. Silber
    “I want to have hot, sweaty, monkey sex with you. Okay, perhaps that's too candid.”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    10 likes

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  • #20
    Dorothy Parker
    “I like to have a martini,
    Two at the very most.
    After three I'm under the table,
    after four I'm under my host.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, The Collected Dorothy Parker
    tags: drinking, drunken-behaviour, humor
    1310 likes

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  • #21
    N.M. Silber
    “I was incapable of producing
    anything coherent at the moment so
    rather than throwing out some witty
    banter in response I said something like
    “Ohgaahaad” instead. Feel free to quote
    me.”
    ― N.M. Silber, The Law of Attraction
    tags: humor
    26 likes

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  • #22
    Dorothy Parker
    “You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”
    ― Dorothy Parker, You Might As Well Live: The Life and Times of Dorothy Parker
    tags: horticulture, puns
    817 likes

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  • #23
    Carl Reiner
    “When I see heavy dramas with no comic relief, I don't think they're honest. I don't think people go through life miserable all the time; in fact, if you're very miserable, you giggle a lot at the oddest things."
    --Carl Reiner in "The Trib”
    ― Carl Reiner
    14 likes

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  • #24
    Mel Brooks
    “Humor is just another defense against the
    universe.”
    ― Mel Brooks
    tags: defenses, humor, universe
    84 likes

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  • #25
    Mel Brooks
    “I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I'm one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.”
    ― Mel Brooks
    tags: humor, wit, writing
    59 likes

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  • #26
    “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”
    ― Sid Ziff
    tags: bad-reviews, book, humorist, misattributed-dorothy-parker, wit
    1614 likes

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  • #27
    Dorothy Parker
    “Living well is the best revenge.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    167 likes

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  • #28
    Dorothy Parker
    “I'm not a writer with a drinking problem, I'm a drinker with a writing problem.”
    ― Dorothy Parker
    172 likes

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  • #29
    Mark Twain
    “′Classic′ - a book which people praise and don't read.”
    ― Mark Twain
    tags: books, classic, reading
    18880 likes

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  • #30
    N.M. Silber
    “I’m not adorable,” I said, feeling unreasonably irritated. “Chipmunks are adorable. I’m empowered.”
    ― N.M. Silber, Legal Briefs
    11 likes



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Tags From N.M.’s Quotes

wordplay
bullshit
humor
profanity
shit
vulgarity
friends
jail
attributed-no-source
misattributed-douglas-adams
wit
human-nature
infinity
philosophy
science
stupidity
universe
enemies
forgiveness
strategy
animals
books
dogs
obvious
simile
fantasy
scifi
misattributed-mark-twain
theology
self-consciousness
drinking
drunken-behaviour
horticulture
puns
defenses
writing
bad-reviews
book
humorist
misattributed-dorothy-parker
classic
reading