S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 82

Affects of Anxiety & Depressions on Me

Anxiety and depression have stopped me from…

Sleeping: some people sleep too much with A & D, I slept too little; dangerously little, in fact
Eating: loss of appetite, not wanting to eat around others, feeling dissatisfied with food and hating the act of eating like it was a chore I had to force myself to do
Speaking: I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I’d hate being asked if I was OK because I wasn’t but I didn’t know how to express that, or if anyone would care or understand enough
Having healthy relationships: because how can you have healthy relationships (romantically and family and friends) if you’re constantly cancelling on people? If you never want to go out or do anything fun? If you are snappy and irritable and generally hard to be around? If you’re so sad that it poisons the whole room? If you just talk about sad things in people’s company? If you’re crying all the time? If you say the words “I hate myself, I hate my life, I don’t want to live“…
Finding love: of course, how can you in this state? How can you love someone else, support someone else, when you hate yourself?
Leaving the house: nope, the bed is the only safe space. People in the outside world are just noise adding to your pain. Or, you’re in a bubble blocking them out anyway, so might as well stay in your house
Leaving my bed: as I said, the bed is the only safe space
Wearing nice clothes or any makeup: in these episodic states, you never want to take care of yourself or care about your appearance because it comes with a lot of self-loathing. And if you hate yourself, why would you want to look good? What’s the point, right?
Sharing my writing: I wrote when I was ill, and I write when I’m anxious, but I don’t want to share it as much. I’m either writing really depressive stuff that feels too bleak and raw to share, or I just hate what I’ve written, and so it’s not good enough to share. It’s too scary to share it and put myself on display like that.
Progressing: it limits your motivation. It makes you slow and you feel like your pursuits are no longer important, because you’re a failure, or because life is meaningless, or because you’re not good enough to complete a task.
Looking after me: I don’t want to eat, sleep, talk to people, exercise, write, read, shower, get out of bed, or live in general. When I’ve been in bad depression or anxiety states, I put my life on hold and just sink into the depths of their abyss.

Anxiety and depression made me…

Angry: at myself, at those around me (unjustly), and particularly at life in general for dealing me a bad hand.
Sad: it may seem obvious that depression has made me sad, but not everyone experiences it in the same way, remember? For me, it was a lot of sadness. I kept looking back through the pages of my life and seeing only the sadness. Even the good things were sad because they were gone. And when I’m anxious, I’m very sad. I see life through a blurry lens that ruins everything.
Catastrophise: at one point when I was depressed, I literally began grieving for the loss of my mother and my grandparents…but they’re not dead. They’re not ill, or soon going to die. But I felt like they were dying or dead and I couldn’t get over it. I was panicking and crying and I felt like I had a hole in my chest. I’d speak about it to my mom, and she’d reason with me that it was all silly. That they would die eventually, yes, but they’re all alive and well and all I can do is love them now. And I’d feel better, until the next day when it felt like they were dead all over again.
Paranoid: you feel as though people hate you, that you’re being annoying or a downer. You start to “read people’s minds” and, of course, believe the very worst of the worst. You see blackness in every situation. Each day feels wrong, even if it was generally a good day in anyone else’s mind.
Isolated: you cut yourself off from people because you sink into your own bleak mind. You feel alone because no one could understand (even though they do).
Uninterested: you lose the desire to do anything you used to love. I found less and less entertainment from TV and films during my episodes. I’m in my head, and it’s dark, but I can’t seem to get out in order to enjoy anything.
Boring: I hate this word. I’ve had arguments with my partner when he’s jokingly called me boring, because I hate the word. The reason I hate it is because I fear that I am boring. That I have nothing interesting to say or share and I never do anything worthwhile (in the eyes of others). It took going to therapy for me to realise that it is the core belief that I am “boring” which has initially caused my social anxiety and low self-esteem now. But the anxiety and depression are what has made me, in fact, “boring” because it makes you so dormant. So, I recognise that I (me, myself) am not boring, the only boring thing about me is when anxiety or depression take over and force me to be so.

This is how anxiety and depression (in short) have affected me and my life. How has it affected you? Has this helped you better understand the illnesses? Let me know.

Take care, and read my follow up post about how I’ve combated these things and the affects of anxiety and depression.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Expressing Gratitude

After watching one of my favourite YouTubers (Lavendaire), I decided to do one of her journal prompt suggestions, which was “what do I have now that I once wished for?”

This is a simple question, yet I found it amazing and I couldn’t wait to write out what I had now that I once wished for. And of course, in doing this, I was practicing gratitude. I was presenting this list of positive life changes to myself in order to lift my mood, but I was also saying to the universe “I recognise what you have given me, and I’m so thankful for it.”

Here is my list:

Self-employment
Travel experience
A partner who loves and supports me
Published books and readers
Ability to help people
More confidence
Food enjoyment and experiences
Ability to go out in social situations
Read avidly, routinely, passionately
Nicer hair and overall style
Employment experiences
Ability to practice yoga and meditation and have it work to heal me
Voice heard and appreciated – influence
Writing confidence, sharing, and have it read around the world

By listing these things that I once wished for, I recognise that I will one day have the things that I wish for now, too. It’s all just a matter of time. I remember the countless times I cried in my mother’s arms about my problems with food and social situations, feeling as though they’d last forever and my life would always be so limited, but now…oh how it’s all changed. And so quickly! I eat so many things now, and without reservation! I go out to restaurants without looking at the menu and panicking beforehand. I still have a way to go, but my god have I changed for the better and I’m so unbelievably grateful for this change in my life.

It is so good for our mental health to practice gratitude. To take a moment out of our busy lives, no matter who we are and how we feel, to just appreciate what we have. It’s easy to be jealous of others, or feel like you’ve not progressed enough, or to see nothing good in your life; but there is always something to write on your gratitude list. Even if it’s as simple as “I got out of bed this morning when I didn’t want to” or “I have my health.”

And please, definitely try the exercise I did today, for it opens your eyes so much. It’s wonderful. And once again, I’m grateful for everything I have now that I once wished for…and I will have patience when waiting for the manifestation of what I still wish for today.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

“Welcome, Rain” – Poem

It’s just a little rain,

It does not instil pain.

So why not refrain,

From these inane,

Notions,

That the rain,

Equals the mundane?

Or bane?

Or the arcane?

Or storms and hurricane?

Or a wane?

Or that the windowpane,

Weeps?

Oh, no; how inhumane?

It needn’t stain,

Or drain,

Our happiness.

Enjoy the chain,

For the droplets ordain

Peace.

Oh thank you, Rain.

You’ve come again.

And you do entertain,

Not restrain.

Or cause complain.

So, please remain.

Your efforts,

Are not in vain.

I needn’t explain,

Again.

For I gain,

In rain,

I gain,

In rain.

 

Affects of Authenticity on Your Mental Health

“Never forget what you are, for surely the world will not. Make it your strength. Then it can never be your weakness. Armour yourself in it, and it will never be used to hurt you.” – George R. R. Martin

You have to be careful with what you’re doing or saying. I believe that doing or saying things that are out of alignment with who you are and what you believe in, is one great way of digging yourself a bad mental health ditch.

Here’s why:

You’re essentially lying to yourself and others; lies create more lies, more holes, and confusion, and hurt both yourself to tell them, and those around you once the truth comes to light. (Which it always does).
Your soul/spirit (or whatever you want to call it) is sad that you’re ignoring the real you and your own wants and desires.
You’re allowing things like anxiety and depression into your life, by living inauthentically.
You will lose track of who you really are anyway…

But first, what is authenticity anyway?

For me, authenticity is living in alignment with the truth of yourself. To do what you genuinely want to do. To feed your soul, your passions, your likes. Authenticity means being YOU, not someone else, or who you think others want you to be.

Another way to put it would be with social media (I’ll talk your lingo!) Anyone who has tried to use social media for marketing and business purposes, will know that you need all of your accounts to match in order to reap the best results. You can’t have one saying one thing, and another showing a completely different thing. Your profile pictures should match, your names should match, your websites, your bio, your other accounts, and your “brand” as it were, needs to all be in connection with one another. Well, your life should try to work in a similar way. When various areas of your life align, and are putting out the same message, you go further, the right people find you, and you reap the best rewards! See?

An example of being inauthentic would be saying you’re this yogi or exercise nut through social media by posting pictures of you doing these things. When in actuality, you’ve done yoga once or twice; you work out every other month (etc.) See what I mean? You’re putting out the wrong message, giving a false impression, and being out of alignment with the truth of who you are.

I mean, I get it. Sometimes we don’t truly like who we are. Maybe you want to be a yogi, but hate that you can’t get into it routinely. Well, I say to that, that you need to accept where you’re at. It’s totally ok to be a beginner. It’s ok to fall on your yoga mat, or forget to practice one time. It’s normal! Everyone is a beginner before they’re an expert, and by beating yourself up for it or lying about it, you are only hurting yourself and limiting your progression.

Another example is with my writing. I’ve had people give me advice before on what to write. I’ve been told to quickly just write an erotica because they sell like hotcakes. I’ve been told to write some shoddy children’s book or a wishy-washy self-help book, because again, they sell well.

No.

If I gave in and wrote those books just for the money, I’d A, be sad doing it. B, the money wouldn’t be enough fulfillment from it. And C, it would be out of alignment with who I am and so the book wouldn’t be good, the readers wouldn’t enjoy it as much, and I’d hate talking about it. Instead, by knowing who I am, and what I like to write, and then writing those things, I believe the money, the readers, and the love (from the readers and from myself) will come in time.

The universe rewards authenticity.

Here is what happens when you live authentically:

The universe pays attention to you; it rewards you; it has your back.
People buy into you more; people soak up your energy and want to live in a similar way.
The right people and things will come into your life.
You won’t have to lie.
You will be much stronger and resilient because you know who you are, what you have, what you want, and accept all the bad and the good.
You have so much more fun!
People appreciate honesty.
You realise who or what matters. Like if someone doesn’t like when you’re authentically and truly yourself, then they shouldn’t be in your life anyway.
And lastly, you will be more comfortable in vulnerable states, because you will trust in yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself enough to deal with whatever the outcome may be. You will be ok, and still be YOU.

“Live your truth then no one can use your truth against you.”

So yeah, that was just some thoughts I was having about being YOU. I feel like I used to spend a long time not trying to people-please, but at least (in parts) hide who I truly am. I didn’t feel like I could be me, which is so wrong.

Now, I accept that I’m not perfect and I’m a beginner in most things. I’m excited about the journey and meeting the right people along the way. I don’t want to do what everyone else is doing. I don’t want to be anything but ME anymore. I want to focus on myself and that starts with recognising who I am, where I’m at, and who I want to be. FOR ME!

And I hope you do this, too. It’s so healthy and a much better way to live!

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

 

Trick Yourself into Being Productive & Healthy!

Here are a few ways that I trick myself into doing what I know I should do, and in turn ensure I am more productive and reach my goals:

I have put classic literature in my bathrooms, along with cue cards with words in Shona on them, and educational books like “World History for Dummies“. When I go to the bathroom (we all do!), I don’t bring my phone with me. So, if I want to entertain myself whilst I do my business, I have no choice but to read the classic books in there, or go through my Shona words that I’m trying to learn. This tricks me into learning which is something I’ve failed at fitting into my schedule previously.
When you get off your laptop, don’t shut down every time. Instead, I put it to sleep and leave my Word documents open which have the books I need to write or edit on. This means I’m always reminded that I have editing to do!
I have cue cards on my notice board with Shona words on, too. Therefore, they’re right in my face and I don’t forget about them.
Leave the phone at home! Simple, done.
Clean for 20 minutes each day so the house is always tidy instead of you having a big tidying task left for one day. Use a timer for 20 mins and it’s a super easy way to break down a big task.
Have your books right by your bed, so you read at night before sleeping, or you read first thing in the morning. I do the latter, so I set my day in motion.
Do tasks whilst doing other tasks (that sounded weird). I mean, listen to audiobooks whilst your walk or drive. Read whilst the kettle is boiling or you’re cooking. Answer emails on the toilet. Exercise whilst you’re waiting for food to be done. Clean as you cook. Listen to audiobooks whilst you clean. Edit your work whilst your commuting. Etc. Multitask!
Have fruits readily available, not fatty snacks. You can’t eat what isn’t there!
Have cleaning wipes on your side, so you can quickly clean up any mess on the sides without the added effort of getting your cloth and water and the spray!
Put an alarm on your phone if you want to (I’m trying not to), but then put your phone away from your bed, so you have to get up to stop the alarm! Then, you’re already up and you can start your day! Or, better yet, try not to use your phone as an alarm. This works well because when your phone is your alarm, you’re tempted to go sifting through social media which is unproductive and toxic first thing in the morning. So, opt for an alarm clock instead, and try not to look at your phone (emails and social media mostly) until later in the day.
Have a calendar, goals for the month, a diary, a tracker, sticky notes, and more all around reminding you of what needs to be done!
Turn your phone onto airplane mode when you’re working, so you can’t be disturbed. Plus, set a timer on your phone for an hour so you know you’ve got a full hour to blaze through your work. Then, have a reward ready at the end of the timer so that you have something to work towards. This works better than just working aimlessly.
Disable notifications for social media, because notifications cause you to go on the app and you end up there for hours! Instead, only check it now and again if you need to.
Have exercise equipment out so that they are easy to use. We have an exercise bike up in our living room so it’s super easy to just hop on and ride whilst you watch TV! Also, it inspires you to do it when they’re present in your environment.
You could even go a step further and have books or cue cards or educational texts or a notebook etc in places like your kitchen, so when you’re cooking or waiting for the kettle to boil, you can educate yourself to pass the time!

The BEST PRODUCTIVITY HACK TO GOES TO SHAPING YOUR ENVIRONMENT. You will do more, be in the right mindset, and be inspired to do what you need to do if your environment is right. This is things like the goals in a visible space. This is the exercise equipment out (in a clean, tidy way, of course) or your yoga mat in a visible place. This is having your laptop on your desktop. This is having a neat, organised desk. This is setting your intentions each day, and having them visible or with you throughout the day. Set reminders. Turn off your phone. Put things in place so that you HAVE to do them, it’s no longer a choice!

good luck!

Spirituality is Everywhere

I’m sharing this because I’ve only just now realised that spirituality has been a big thing in my life for way longer than I thought. It’s only now that I recognise it.

I have a Yin and Yang tattoo on my wrists, which marks a very spiritual ideal of seeking balance in your life and noticing the good in the bad and the bad in the good.

In my books, the characters harness great powers but I emphasise that you can only do this well if you are mindful, believe in yourself, and are connected to the mind and the body. I even say that too much power, and trying to do too much will take a physical toll on the body that is damaging. This was something I was writing when I was a teenager without realising what it truly meant! In my latest WIP (work in progress), the kids with powers are meditating, doing yoga, connecting with nature, and being taught to believe in the Self, and explore the Self in order to use their powers and manifest their imagination!

I have a dreamcatcher in my room, a lucky Chinese cat with the moving arm thingy (yeah, great explanation, Siana), I had a mini zen garden with a Buddha and stones and flowers and tea candles and white sand and a mini rake(!), I have plants, I have crystals that I was given when I was young, I have a chakras necklace, and journals in abundance. All of these things I’ve accumulated over years, and they’re spiritual items. (Though, I know now, anything can be a “spiritual item“. It’s about what it means to you).

I’ve grown up watching Anime. My favourite TV show has always been Avatar: The Last Airbender. In these shows, the characters meditate, control the breath, and speak with higher beings. All spirituality!

And when I travel, I always think about how it makes me feel. I love sharing this in the form of writing (for myself and for others). But I always cry when I see something beautiful on my travels because my spirit is being filled and is overwhelmingly happy…

So, you see, I’m way more spiritual than I realise. In the last year or so, I’ve actively tried to enlighten myself and become spiritual, but it seems that I’ve been on this path for a good while.

And perhaps, so have you.

That’s the thing about spirituality, it’s not religion. It’s not a set of rules. It’s not the same for everyone. Isn’t that beautiful? You just may be more spiritual than you realise. You may be bringing things into your life that fill your spirit with joy. Go you! But, I think we could all do with doing this with more intention, too. For the healing affects it has is just liberating.

How to be more spiritual:

Read; anything you like, but mostly spiritual books, inspiring books, books about journeys or overcoming things etc. (Eat, Pray, Love is my current read, and is a spiritual book that I recommend to all).
Follow people on YouTube who are spiritually enlightened or who talk about better life, spirituality, and filling the soul.
Go for walks mindfully, without a destination or your phone with you.
 Travel.
Speak with people who you feel care about spirituality, too, and see what they have to say on the matter. But remember, what they do to practice spirituality isn’t what you must do too.
Write in a stream of consciousness. Let it flow out of you and then read over it to see what is going on inside.
Do more of what makes you feel crazily happy.
Find and print off or remember any giving and fulfilling affirmations and mantras.
Meditate. You don’t have to be a monk, just sit in quiet in comfort for 5-10 mins of your day – it’s simple and takes practice to get good anyway.
Do yoga. You don’t have to be flexible, I promise. I’m so not flexible; I can’t touch my toes, but I still do yoga. I do it my way.
Be in nature.
Speak to the universe, a higher force, deceased loved ones, or other, in order to connect to something that’s past the tangible, something that is past what is on Earth.

Why? Because any form of spiritual practice that works for you, even if it’s sitting and petting your dog for a minute to break up your day, can really heal you. It ignites the spirit, heals the mind, and relaxes the body. These are beautiful things for your mental wellbeing.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Let’s Talk About Comparisons

Today, I just wanted to talk freely about my problem with comparisons. When I say comparisons, I mean comparing where you’re at in your life to where other people are. Comparing what you’ve done or what you have to other people. Getting jealous or angry or bitter about what you think you lack.

I have a HUGE problem with this, I confess.

One of the things I’m trying out is not beating myself up for comparing or getting jealous, though, because that’s not healthy either. Instead, I’m recognising that I’m doing it, and doing a few things to stop it. This is things like writing a list of what I’m grateful for in my own life. Writing a list of the good things about myself. Writing a list of achievements or experiences that were important. Etcetera, etcetera.

Others things that I do is make sure to smile, breathe, and say that I am happy for that other person. Like my little sister has just spent a month on her own travelling in Thailand. It was an exceptional trip and of course, I’ve felt very jealous. However, when I feel the jealousy seeping in where I just want to scream and block her on Snapchat, I smile and breathe and say, “wow, she’s had an amazing trip, my baby sister, and she deserves it. And my time will come.”

Another great thing to do is put things into perspective. Take my sister as an example again. I know for sure that I wouldn’t have done what she has done. Maybe I could have gone to Thailand alone for a while, but a month? I’m not so sure. Plus, the things she’s done are extraordinary but it’s nice to do those things with someone else (in my opinion), and so I’d rather wait and do them with my partner when we’re able to. See? Perspective. I’ve wasted energy and harmed my mental health by comparing and getting jealous of the fact that she’s travelled alone and done great things when in reality, that’s not what I’d want to do anyway!

We’re all guilty of doing this. We get jealous of what others have; for example, their flashy cars that we wouldn’t even buy if we had the money to do so anyway! Or we compare our simpler lives to people who are out all the time, when in actuality, we may be introverts who don’t thrive in those environments anyway, so it wouldn’t be something that would actually make us happy!

I’ve found myself jealous of people on my social media for having all these friends to party with or whatever, but I don’t even like parties! I don’t need or want loads of friends, either! I love my own space; I thrive in alone time, and so I have friends that I see now and again, and I have my partner who’s there every morning and evening, but other than that – I wanna be alone, man! So, why do I hurt myself with comparisons?

And why do you do it?

When we put them into perspective, we often realise that they make no sense. Even when they are justified, like comparing your B grade to your friend’s A grade, we still can’t allow it to continue. How is comparing and getting sad going to serve you? It’s only going to make you feel rubbish. So, let it happen, but recognise that you’re doing it and stop yourself in your tracks.

Say, “hey, they got an A and I didn’t, but that just means it’s their subject not mine, or they revised harder, or they test well and I don’t. It doesn’t mean I am less-than or that I’m going to fail in life. We all have our strengths and weaknesses. Plus, a B is pretty great too!“

It is natural to compare sometimes or get jealous, but try these things that I’m trying to do when I get jealous, too:

Set goals to help you get what you actually want, anyway, therefore you won’t be jealous because you’ll have it too.
Use those people you’re jealous of as inspiration instead of a source of anger.
Do a social media cleanse and either get off it or unfollow the people who make you feel jealous and don’t actually serve any good to you.
Have visual stimuli for what you want from life, so that you work hard to manifest it, and so that you have something else to focus on instead of people who have what you don’t. This could be dream boards, vision boards, photographs, mindmaps, photos on your phone, quotations, etc.
Change the dialogue. Change “I’m so jealous of her/him” to “I want what they have, and I will do this and that to get it” or “I’m happy for them.”
Give yourself a reality check. We all know that no one posts about or talks about the problems in their lives. We all share our highlights, our best parts. So don’t compare your internal dialogue, your past, your down days (etc.) to someone else’s social media feed which only features the best parts of their life. There’s a lot more going on behind the scenes than you realise.
Remember money and material things does NOT equal health and happiness.
Remember that you have enough and are enough already. There’s someone out there (probably loads of someones or the very someone that you’re jealous of) who is actually jealous of you and what you have.
Stop looking outward, and start looking inward. If you’re focusing on your life, your health and happiness, your wants and dreams, your passions, you won’t have any time left to be looking elsewhere and getting jealous anyway.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Missing Sunglasses Metaphor

Today, I’ve been squinting to the point of a headache due to accidentally leaving my sunglasses at home. It gave me a dreadful headache and dry eyes and generally put me in an even worse mood than I already was, which ruined what could have been a nice day.

But the sunglasses were in my bag the whole time…

My first instinct was to cry in frustration and beat myself up for being so dumb. But then I began to see it as a metaphor.

Something I needed dearly, and would have helped rectify my day to an extent, was with me the whole time. The only problem was, I didn’t look for it.

I had the tools to change my situation, my mood, and my day with me all along.

This is deeply profound because this is so true for all of us and all our lives. Oftentimes, we have the tools and the power to rectify a bad vibe or situation, yet we don’t use them. We don’t seek them. We don’t look passed the bad.

If I’d looked in my bag and remembered that I’m a pretty prepared young woman, who would naturally her sunglasses always in her bag, I could have changed things. My mood would have soothed, even by a little.

Gosh, guys, how silly?!

We need to remember that we always carry with us the tools to help ourselves. There’s truly no need to suffer. Just look within. Just look, and see what you might find…

“I’m just tired” – Poem

“How are you?” You ask

“I’m just tired“

I say.

Again.

Except, hidden in those words

Is so much more pain.

Something much deeper than

“just tired” could ever be.

Cuz I’m tired of being tired

Tired of needless drama

Tired of being in pain

Tired of pretending to be stronger than I am

Tired of being strong for other people

Tired of fixing everyone else’s problems

Tired of worrying

Tired of being used

Tired of feeling scared

Tired of crying

Tired of doubts

Tired of insecurities that won’t let up

Tired of comparisons

Tired of overthinking

Tired of being seen as a villain

Tired of other people’s problems becoming my own

Tired of caring

Tired of others not caring about what I have to say

Tired of being disappointed and dissatisfied

Tired of being wrong

Tired of being judged

Tired of being used

Tired of trying to be pretty enough

Tired of being stupid

Tired of a world that doesn’t understand

Tired of a society not fit for my personality

Tired of losing

Tired of failing

Tired of waking

Tired of trying

Tired of being emotional

Tired of being “too sensitive“

Tired of seeing hate and pain in the world

Tired of writing poor sentences

Tired of trying to be motivated

Tired of being everyone’s hero

Tired of feeling out of place

Tired of the ridicule

Tired of jokes that just aren’t funny

Tired of proving myself

Tired of the fear of the unknown

Tired of the millions of thoughts I have each second

Tired of being jealous

Tired of not being enough

Tired of the universe’s games

Tired of the constant trials

Tired of being uncertain

Tired of rejection

Tired of setting alarms

Tired of trying to be better than yesterday

Tired of lacking outfits

Tired of being unappreciated

Tired of being seen as less-than

Tired of being shaped into someone I’m not

Tired of fake smiles

Tired of biting my tongue

Tired of being alone

Tired of being crowded

Tired of forcing productivity

Tired of having to explain myself

Tired of explanations not being enough

Tired of being afraid

Tired of being sick

Tired of feeling weak

Tired of being treated like a child

Tired of being treated like I’m fragile

Tired of the hustle

Tired of working hard to no avail

Tired of mistakes

Tired of never doing or being enough

Tired of writing why I’m tired

And so I’ll stop.

You want me to stop,

Don’t you?

No one truly cares

Enough.

No one wants to know

What you’re really feeling.

And so, I guess

“I’m fine,

I’m just tired.“

“Don’t Underestimate Me” – Poem

I may go through life,

A little unsure.

But still I walk,

I run, I soar.

My hands might shake,

And my body may burn.

But with every move,

Your respect I will earn.

Because I’m powerful.

Beautiful.

A goddess unseen.

There’s no rules for me,

I break them.

My words,

They may jumble.

My voice,

It may stutter.

But still,

I speak.

I speak.

I speak.

So tell me how,

Does that make me weak?

Do I look like,

I need your help?

I got this.

All my life,

I’ve worked for me.

I’ve loved me.

I’ve been there for

Me.

So now, I don’t need,

Your micromanagement,

Your incessant pulls and pushes.

You’re breaking me.

You’re making me,

Doubt myself.

Injecting poison,

Leaving only weeds.

Let me go.

Let me grow.

I am stronger,

Than you think.

I am smarter,

Than you think.

I am braver,

Than you think.

I am me.

I’m a monument,

Behold me.

I’m a queen,

Hail me.

I’m a warrior,

Fear me.

I’m a freaking Titan.

Don’t you dare minimise,

Me.