S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 79

Identity Labels That We Need to Remove

*This is a controversial blog post, I know. I am saying, or at least trying to, that labels can be damaging and that we need to be careful when using them…*

Here are the biggest labels that we use on one another to try to categorise and “understand” one another better:

White
Black
Asian
Mixed Race
Foreigner
Straight
Gay
Bi
Transgender
Other sexualities and gender identities (because most people don’t know the lesser-known categories for sexuality and identity like asexual, queer, polysexual, pansexual, androsexual, monosexual, demisexual, polyamorous, the list goes on…)
Employed
Unemployed
INSERT JOB TITLE HERE
Parent
Not a parent
Degree Educated
Not degree educated
INSERT COUNTRY OF ORIGIN OR HERITAGE HERE
Christian
Muslim
Hindu
Jewish
Buddhist
Other lesser-known religions

These are common labels that we use to understand people; except, I think they do more of the opposite. These labels that we use can get us thinking we know something about the person in front of us when in reality, these don’t mean sh*t.

And they’re so complicated anyway! Yes, I know that you’re black, but my obsessive, society-influenced brain must now know more – which black person are you? African? Jamaican? Other? Because let’s be honest, a lot of us think African or Jamaican (or Caribbean) when it comes to black people.

Okay, you’re African; for some people, it stops there because they know very little about Africa and so they lump all Africans together in one close-minded category. But for others, there are more questions: Where in Africa? Where you brought up Christian? When did you come here? Why did you come here? Is English your second language?

And the stereotypes and subtle racism comes into play then. When we use labels on people in this way, we begin to think we know who they are and how they live. “African” must mean this and that. “Black” means this and that.

We assume. We generalise. We offend.

Now let’s move away from race (perhaps the most complex of all), and talk about sexuality. In very much the same way, we find out that someone is a lesbian and we begin to think we know something about them. But I’m sorry, we don’t. No two lesbians are the same person. And to go further, should we then try to understand how a black lesbian differs from an Asian one? What about a black lesbian teacher who’s a parent that practices Buddhism? Are we category-confused? Do we know who they are now?

F*cking no!!!!

Get it yet?

These labels that we are so obsessed with are pointless in the end. My being mixed race doesn’t tell you anything about me except that I must have a black parent and a white parent. And even then, my saying that I’m mixed race without you seeing a picture of me tells you even less. Which two (or more) races “mixed” to make me?! And I’m black and white, but where were my parents from, though?

*Insert slapping the forehead emoji* *Insert exasperated shaking of the head gif*

I’ll make myself stop now because I know that there is so much depth to this kind of discussion and all I wanted to say, really, was that we need to be careful with labels. Be careful using them on yourself. Be careful seeking them from others. Be careful assuming those labels really mean anything at all.

I’m so glad that I know and love such a mixture of people. To use the above labels, I know black people (my family), white people (my friends), Asian people (my friends), gay people (my sister, and my friends), religious people (friends and family), unemployed people, employed people, well-educated people, not so well-educated people, parents, not parents, and “foreigners” (horrid word) {my partner, my extended family, my brother’s girlfriend}.

And you know what? They all have brought spark and wonder into my life in different ways. They all have something to give. They are all special. Some crisscross categories, too, because duh! And the funny thing is, every one of them likes watching films, likes eating pizza, likes laughing, and likes games…

Because they’re all just human!

I love them not because of their labels, or despite their labels. I love them for a plethora of other reasons. And it saddens me to know that some people would instead use their labels against them, and use it as a reason not to befriend them. They take that label and accept a list of things that they believe go along with that label. And it’s maddening!

These labels and assumptions can lead to segregation, hate, racism, homophobia, mental illness, miscommunication, war even, and more. But you are someone who can put a stop to it.

In truth, identity will always be super complex. Complex for us to understand about ourselves, and even more so when trying to understand others. If you want to know someone, truly know them, though, here’s my advice…

Just say “hello, what’s your name?” and let it go from there…

Because that person will show you who they are; not their labels, not there appearance, not who you think they are or must be.

Ways to Meditate (That Aren’t Hard)

Definition of meditation: “focus one’s mind for a period of time, in silence or with the aid of chanting, for religious or spiritual purposes or as a method of relaxation.” (or) “think deeply about (something).”

The first thing you need to do in order to meditate is to stop thinking of it as boring, hard, or for hippies! Start seeing it as something that is not only good for you, but can also make you stronger and happier. It can be done on your terms and in your own way – no matter what anyone else says. Make it fun, make it normal, and make it routine for you and your needs.

1 – Nature

I think that one of the best ways to meditate, without really putting in much effort or realising that you’re doing it, is to get out in nature. Don’t bring your phone. Don’t bring someone else. Don’t have a set destination in mind. Don’t rush. Take your time, breathe, and just be in nature. Let it do what it does naturally, which is calm our minds and awaken our souls.

Find a clear, comfortable space among trees or by a lake or with mountains in the background (if you’re lucky enough!) and just breathe it all in. It is proven, scientifically and all that, that being in nature encourages those happy hormones.

2 – Walks

This can go hand in hand with nature, and it works wonders. Going on destination-less walks, with no music, or distractions, or strain can be a perfect way to meditate. Just walk. And walk. And walk some more. Go at a steady, calm pace and go where your gut (or heart) leads you. Allow the mind to think, don’t try to control it. But if you feel negative thoughts or stressful thoughts cropping up, guide your mind to take in your scenery as you pass instead.

3 – Mindfulness

As I said above, taking in your scenery as you walk can be a practice of mindfulness. Mindfulness is simply the act of being in the present moment. Being aware of what you’re doing, feeling, seeing, smelling, and hearing in the NOW. You can do mindful colouring, mindful walks, mindful breaths, mindful sensory perception, mindful yoga, mindful pampering, and mindful…just about anything! Becuase all you need to do is concentrate the mind on what you’re doing and feeling as you do it, and that’s mindfulness.

One thing that my reiki masseuse once said I should try was to mindfully brush my teeth. This meant concentrating on the feeling of the bristles against my teeth and gums and tongue. To smell the mint, to feel the ache in my arm, to hear the water running, to hear the whooshing…

4 – Sitting in lotus

When most people think of meditation, they think of this…

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This is the lotus pose. This is the most common way to sit whilst actively meditating. If you are someone who has found meditation (this form) to be interesting, then all you can do is try it. Don’t worry about being perfect; don’t worry about your legs crossing perfectly, either! Just sit how you feel comfortable, place the hands, and focus on the breath. This is the easiest way to get started.

From there, you can progress as you wish. It is believed that the placement of the hands can be important. For example, some believe that open hands with the palms up is a way of welcoming the universe. Some also believe that placing hand(s) on the stomach or clasping them is a form of self-reflection and inner concentration.

But find what is meaningful to you.

There are a great many forms of meditation that involve sitting like this:

Aromatherapy
Guided meditation
Focused meditation
Free-thinking
Mindful meditation
Just sitting
Universe connection
Looking within
Self-love
Asking questions & seeking answers
Manifestations
And many more, see here

5 – Affirmations

Affirmations can be brilliant for those wishing to help their mental health, give themselves some self-love and to trust in their path. Affirmations are “emotion support or encouragement“. For me, this means anything that makes you feel good, feel strong, feel happy, feel powerful, feel loved, and feel good energy. And you can use them in any way you want, as long as you’re giving them real meaning and the time to process them within.

Here are some affirmations that I’ve used in the past:

I am enough

I am strong

I am beautiful

I am a good person

I am a loved person

I have a lot to give

I have a beautiful mind

I am better and bigger than my fears

I have time and tools to grow

I can do this

I am me, I am alive, and that is wonderful.

6 – Guided Meditations

As briefly mentioned above, you can also follow guided meditations if you’re a beginner or you need some help concentrating on the right things. Guided meditations are rife on the internet and provide you with the tools to seep into the right headspace for meditation. You can use apps like Headspace, Eternal Sunshine, 10% Happier, or Calm, or you can use YouTube meditations, or you can find them on Spotify or podcast apps, too.

7 – Yoga

Some people may disagree with me for putting yoga under a form of meditation – that’s fine. But hear me out. If meditation is focusing the mind as a form of relaxation, why can’t that focus be on yoga? Something that is relaxing, includes the breath (like meditation), and soothes the body and mind? Yoga, for me, is all about alignment and slowing myself down. And so, again for me, it is a lot like meditation. I focus on how my body feels doing each pose. I focus on my breaths. I focus on which pose is next and how to carefully get into it at the right pace.

I’m focusing…being in the now…and breathing mindfully…now that’s meditation.

8 – Self Exploration

This was mentioned briefly above as something you can do when in lotus pose. I think this is something you can do when walking, journaling, or waiting for the kettle to boil, too. Now, I haven’t done a lot of research about spiritual forms of meditation and forms from Asia (the country of origin) but I do know that self-exploration is definitely a real form.

For why do we meditate? To gain calm. To gain inner peace. To focus. To have a break. To strengthen the mind. To gain enlightenment. To alleviate stress and anxiety. And to find the truth and true self…

Questions to ask in meditation for self-exploration and discovery:

Why do I feel this sense of unease?
What is wrong in my life?
What is right in my life?
What makes me happy?
What matters most to me?
What does my ideal life look like?
What do I ultimately want?
What’s holding me back?

9 – Self Care

Mindfully caring for the self can be a great form of meditation. This is with doing things like taking a bath, reading (without a goal), journaling, yoga, exercise (not strenuous), mood-boards, doing your hair, face masks, nails done, moisturising, and so on. Self-care (looking after the wellbeing of the self in all forms) is down to the individual, but it becomes a form of meditation when done mindfully. Not just taking a bath, but really feeling the warmth of the water, smelling the aroma, feeling the muscles unwind, and washing every inch slowly and carefully.

Don’t just take care of yourself because you have to, do it because you want to. Make real time for it. Allow yourself to truly experience it and note (deeply) how good it feels.

10 – Running

Now, I hold my hands up, I’m not a runner – not anymore. But I know that just like walking, running can be very therapeutic and can count as a form of meditation when done right. As long as running isn’t strenuous and is done without a destination and without distraction, then it can be your meditation. Doing it outdoors, too, is important. Allow your body to feel alive and powerful. Allow your mind to open. Allow the nature around you to connect with you. Allow your thoughts to come and go. And control those breaths in a relaxing, freeing way.

There you have it, some of my thoughts on meditating in a less restrictive way. Meditation really can be what you want it to be, just as long as it’s calming, slow-paced, focused, powerful and deep, spiritual, healing, and mindful.

Further help and guidance if you’re interested in different meditation practices:

https://liveanddare.com/types-of-meditation

https://www.lifeadvancer.com/7-types-of-meditation-which-one-is-best-for-you

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

Who Are You, Aside From…

Who are you aside from your race?

Who are you aside from your nationality?

Who are you aside from your sexual orientation?

Who are you aside from your job?

Who are you aside from your parental or marital status?

Who are you aside from your bank account?

Because in truth, none of these things give any indication to who you really are. Unless your job is your passion, your dream, your love – is it really anything to do with who you are? I’d say no.

Your sexual orientation says nothing about you at all. Sadly, it’s only those who aren’t heterosexual that feel defined by their sexual orientation and this is so wrong. You are not who you are attracted to. When asked who I am, I’d never say I’m straight…so why would someone need to say they’re gay (etc.)? It’s not an indication to what you’re like as a person, is it?

Nor is race! Being black doesn’t mean there’s a set of rules or a list of traits that goes along with that. So, who are you aside from that?

Being a mother or father or being married also says nothing about who you are, what you love, what you do, what you dream about, how you tackle life, what your likes and dislikes are, or anything else! So that’s not you, either. There’s many mothers out there and no two are the same just because they’re mothers!

—

Just some food for thought there because I think many of us would struggle answering these questions and that some of us are too quick to define ourselves as our race or sexual orientation or nationality without realising that those things don’t show you you are at all to a person who’s not closed-minded! It’s only the narrow-minded who would think you’re this thing or that thing because they know you’re black or gay!

These labels can be damaging. Be careful before you choose to wear them.

I’d sooner say…

I’m a Ravenclaw!

I’m a INFJ

I’m a writer

I’m a lifestyle blogger

I’m a fantasy author

I’m a reader

I’m an empath

I’m a fighter

I’m neat and organised

I’m a balance between silly and strict

I’m a self-proclaimed nerd

I’m a helper

I’m a film lover

I’m …a great many things, actually…

How I Know I was Meant to be a Middle-Grade Author

Hopefully you know by now that I’ve made the switch from writing YA fantasy to now writing MG fantasy. I’ve been thinking lately that it’s always been obvious that I am better suited to children’s fantasy than young adult or teen fantasy, and here’s why…

I can be poetic and whimsical and silly with my writing

I know that it should go without saying that any book (no matter the genre or target audience) can be poetic and whimsical. I just feel that with children’s books, it’s more of a given. It’s sometimes expected and appreciated.

I like that.

I like that I can be more free with my sentences and craft something more weird and wonderful.

More fun and free and playful with plot and characters

The same goes for the plot and characters. With a children’s book, they can be more fun and playful. You can be less restrictive and follow less rules. Kids have bigger imaginations, and so they want you to feed it. They don’t want something that makes sense, essentially, they want to see the impossible and that allows me to be more fun and free with my ideas.

The characters can be utterly absurd and a child will love it, and I’ll love creating them! Whereas a teenager or an adult may find the same character “silly” or “weird”.

I’m not as well-educated

Now let me say a big disclaimer here before someone yells at me! I am in no way AT ALL saying that children’s authors are less intelligent. In no way am I saying that writing a children’s book is easier than any other, either. Because it’s not! It’s perhaps even harder because you have to find your inner child and channel that so that you don’t patronise, undersell, or completely ruin the whole child character and plot thing through lack of understanding and appreciation for what a kid of today is actually like.

No, what I’m saying is that with a children’s book, I feel less pressure to use fanciful, well-educated wording that I hold my hands up to not knowing. I don’t feel the pressure to be scientific and explain big elaborate plots. Again, don’t get me wrong, my plot is pretty big and so is the world I’ve created – because children do appreciate and can handle that – but the pressure is still less. This works for me and my mind.

*Obviously, in no way could I say that writing children’s books is easy or simple or for the undereducated. All I have to say is Harry Potter (a children’s series, essentially) and we all know that I would be a fool if I actually thought any of that was true. It’s the most complicated, well thought out, brilliant piece of modern literature so…*

I’m a kid at heart still!

I feel like I’m still a kid. At 23 years old, it was not too-too long ago that I was a teenager. When speaking to older people, it’s not uncommon for me to still be called a kid. And it’s true, I’m still very young. I’ve not experienced a lot of “adult” things like; buying a house, a car, a mortgage, furniture…all those adult things.

So, being a kid in truth means I like writing child characters. I like writing for children. Childhood was the best time of my life, better than teenhood. Teenhood was incredibly complex and uncertain but childhood, that was magical! I want to write in that time.

I love magic and I prefer reading middle grade

I’ve always liked Harry Potter. I also love Percy Jackson and the other Rick Riordan books. I love Avatar the Last Airbender (still to this day) and Korra, too. Yes, I love Game of Thrones (an adult series) but essentially, I’m very much into the children’s fantasy worlds. So, it seems like a no-brainer that I write children’s magic and fantasy books, too.

I’ve never truly got into reading YA fantasy, so perhaps that’s why I was meant to write MG fantasy instead…

I’m more about the world and animals and powers and craziness than anything else

With YA fantasy, there’s nearly always a need for love. There’s romance and complexities and complicated feelings and darkness. But what I’ve always loved and preferred is the worlds in general. The magic. The craziness and absurdities and making life a little less…realistic. This seems to be more common in children’s books than young adult books. It’s all about characters and fun times and magic and powers – and that’s right up my alley.

And so, I want to write and create that for my own books.

If you’d be interested in a blog post about my current middle-grade fantasy book (it will be a series) about Elle Evans and the angel world, let me know!

How to Be Alone

I believe that it is so important for all of us to know how to be be alone; comfortably alone. It’s good for our mental health, our growth, our sense of balance, and resilience.

Think about it, you can’t always have someone around. You can’t depend too heavily on others. You need to be able to be alone at times in this world.

Being comfortable alone means:

You trust yourself
You’re independent
You can self entertain
You can tackle the world
You can get to know yourself
You can do you
You love yourself

If you’re on the other side, and you’re not comfortable being alone, you run the risk of:

Depending on others
Loneliness
Losing the self
Going along with others
Not self-serving
Staying in or entering bad relationships
Not growing or changing

This is why I think we all could do with learning how to be comfortable and happy alone. I, for one, love my alone time. I prefer it. Yes, I’m introverted so this comes more naturally to me, but being alone means I can watch what I want, enjoy the quiet, read, write, learn, and just be me for me.

It’s wonderful. I’m my own best friend.

So, what are some things you can do to try to become more comfortable with being alone?

Write a list of films or tv shows that you really want to watch. Then keep the list handy for your alone time, ready to enjoy by yourself.
Do the same with books. Books are the best thing to entertain yourself with when you’re alone. The characters will keep you company and you’ll become so interested in the book that time will pass and you’ll not realise!
Have your favourite food lined up to eat that day.
Have a to-do list and tick it off.
Whatever you hobby is or fun thing is (mine is writing) have that handy so that you can do it when you have some alone time.
Get comfortable, literally. I find that getting a blanket and good cushions and a hot beverage does wonders in making alone time so special and enjoyable.
Do some pampering: bath, face mask, nails, incense, foot massager, moisturise – go crazy!
Be creative or do a hands-on task. Being busy works when you’re alone, it’s the being bored that makes you feel lonely. So, be busy. Do something!

If you do these things routinely, you’ll become comfortable being alone without even realising it. Schedule time to do these things alone, don’t just do them because people are busy and you’re forced to – it won’t work that way and you’ll feel lonely and rejected instead.

The important thing to remember is that being lonely and being alone are two very different things. Being alone it good, being lonely is not. I’ve been very lonely in a crowd before; loneliness doesn’t mean the absence of people.

For me, being lonely is feeling completely outside of everything.

So, when you’re alone you can be a part of things. You can dive into worlds with books or films. You can create and be productive. You can just enjoy yourself for the awesome person that you are! And you should give that to yourself; you deserve it.

When you’re alone, you realise what you’re worth. You realise how great time to yourself can be doing what you actually want to do without trying to live up to a standard. You can discover yourself.

Discover who you really are when no one is watching.

Scary, I know, but healthy. Scary, but freeing. Scary, but necessary.

For in crowds, we get lost. In crowds, we become sheep. In crowds, our voices aren’t heard. In crowds, we don’t shine.

Step aside, let them go, and stand tall – alone.

Travel solo.

Work solo.

Eat solo.

Work out solo.

Be entertained solo.

Create solo.

Laugh solo.

Yes, we need people. Yes, people are good. But so is being alone.

Find that balance.

How I became a fantasy author

Today I wanted to just kind of ramble about the fantasy that I love and how they have definitely been detrimental to my being a fantasy author myself now. Here we go…

Cartoon Network

I think it’s safe to say that my fantasy-love journey started with this beautiful children’s TV broadcasting channel. Carton Network showed all the best 90’s shows, and my siblings and I loved to stay up doing “all-nighters” to watch as many cartoons as we could.

We watched Dexter, The Powerpuff Girls, Totally Spies, Jackie Chan Adventures, Avatar the Last Airbender, The Cramp Twins, Ed Edd and Eddy, Courage the Cowardly Dog, Tom and Jerry, and so many more than I can’t think of right now.

And OMG were they the best, right? Kids today just don’t know what they missed out on! These shows definitely brought fantasy, quirky characters, absurd plots, and powers and heroes into my life in a way I cannot thank them enough for. Plus, I confess, I’ve watched so many of these even into adulthood and loved the newer shows such as Adventure Time, Regular Show, and more…shhh…

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Harry Potter

This is a hard one because I don’t actually remember how my HP journey started. I know my teacher in primary school (Years 4 & 6) would read them to our class, so I’m going to assume it started there. My brother and I had shared copies of every book, but again I don’t know if we had them before or after my teacher read them to my class – and my mom has a rubbish memory so she’s no help!

Anyway, I think it should probably go without saying at this point that HP made my life what it is. I truly believe that without the books and the films, I may not be a fantasy author – or even an author at all, perhaps – today.

J.K., thank you so much

I will admit that at the moment, I’m more of a HP-films than HP-books person, as I read them as a child and I don’t remember as much detail as I remember from the films that I’ve watched endlessly. But now as a functioning adult, who actually reads often, I’ve begun re-reading them and naturally I appreciate there awesomeness in a whole other way now.

My brother (who’s older) has always told me that the books are worlds and worlds better than the films, and I do agree. As a writer myself, I appreciate that films will never truly be able to do a book justice because there’s just not enough time for that! When I was a teen I listened to the audiobooks again to refresh and loved it; but as I say, now I’m doing a refresh of that refresh, and finally doing it properly!

I don’t think there’s ever going to be “too many times” to read Harry Potter, come on!

If you want depth, imagination, characters, worlds, intrigue, mystery, emotion, love, friendship, hope, beauty, fantasy, and ahhhhhh in your life – then Harry Potter is the magical key to all of that. So thank you, HP, for enriching not only my life but my writing, too.

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Avatar

When I say Avatar, I hope most people think of The Last Airbender, and not the blue people. Although Avatar the blue people was awesome, it will never hold a candle to Avatar the cartoon for me…like ever. As I mentioned before, I grew up watching Avatar as a kid. However, what I didn’t point out was the fact that I’ve rewatched the whole series again and again and again and again…

Even as an adult, I still love it. I still laugh at the jokes; I’m still inspired by the manipulation of the elements; I’m still in awe of the world; and the characters…will always be like friends to me. Anyone who comes to read my current work in progress novel will know that I drew inspiration from Avatar (and Korra, too). So thank you, Avatar creators, you gods you!

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Anime

As a teen, I watched a lot of anime. I guess you could say that we always did because we watched Dragon Ball and Pokemon as kids without realising they were anime. But anyway, I’ve watched a lot of anime as a teen and even as an adult. Sadly, I don’t get the chance to watch it as much as I used to, but I’ve always been meaning to make time for it again, because it inspired my writing so much.

I’ve watched Bleach, Naruto, One Piece, Attack on Titan, Soul Eater, Blue Exorcist, Full Metal Alchemist, Sword Art Online, Code Geass, Hunter x Hunter, Final Fantasy, Studio Ghibli films, and more.

At this point, I feel I must do a shout-out to my brother, Axl, who has been my inspiration, too. If not for him, I may not have found anime. I’m so lucky to have a brother who I relate to so much and share the same interests with. We’ve enjoyed many shows and films and books together, and I do appreciate that if I didn’t have him as a sibling, I may not be who I am today – or maybe I would have been late to discovering myself, and not feel confident in the fantasy world.

So thanks, bro.

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Percy Jackson

I’m a big fan of Rick Riordan. I read all the PJ books and all the Heroes of Olympus books. I’ve tried the Kane Chronicles, but they weren’t for me. And now I’m trying the Trials of Apollo. I just can’t believe this man knows so much about mythology! Greek, Roman, Norse, Egyptian…he knows it all! It’s so amazing. It is PJ that gave me my love for mythology. I now study it of my own accord and try to draw inspiration from it.

So, thank you, Rick, for giving me a new interest and fuel for my fantasy.

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Game of Thrones

The last big one that I’ll mention is GoT. Again, my brother showed me the first episode of this and told me to watch it on my own. Anyone who watches GoT will know why you shouldn’t really watch it with your brother, especially not when you’re only 17…

Anyway, I loved it. We did end up watching the rest together, and then we discovered the books. Due to their scary length, we chose to listen to the audiobooks instead of reading the paperbacks. But this got us ahead of the show. We discussed the characters and theories and I just can’t thank George R. R. Martin enough for creating such a world and horde of characters and being ruthless in his storytelling. It has helped me shape my own books, add depth, and do what needs to be done to get those “oh my god” moments from the reader.

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What I Learned Working in Customer Service

*With tomorrow marking a year since I left my retail job…*

Respect customer service workers

Of course, by working in customer service, I learned what I feels like to be the server. Never again (not that I really did) would I judge someone, get angry at them, or blame them for my shopping experience.

You can tell who has worked in customer service and who hasn’t, sometimes, by how they treat service workers. The workers are deserving of your respect as they’re helping you! So, be kind. Remember what it feels like to be behind the counter.

People can be selfish

There are a great many people who treat people as less than just because they’re behind a counter. They also have their heads so far up their own arses that they are rude and downright stupid when they speak to a customer service rep.

As an ex-retail worker, I had to learn how to deal with said people. I thank them now, for they taught me resilience and how to handle sh*t that I didn’t deserve. It also taught me how to stand up for myself in the most respectful manner (as to not lose my job).

A bad day doesn’t make a bad person

On the other hand, I know I went in to work very tired or sad at times. Some times things happened right before my shift or I’d not slept or I’d been depressed at the time. This meant I wasn’t my best self when serving. I wasn’t very talkative or friendly or helpful.

When we remember that we’ve been there and that the service staff are just people too, we can give them the benefit of the doubt. A bad day doesn’t make them a bad person.

How to bite my tongue

As I said, working at Argos meant I dealt with my fair share of butt-munches. But when you work in customer service, you can’t go yelling or throwing things at people who do your head in (deserving or not). And so, you bite your tongue and smile and do what they ask – for the most part.

Thanks for teaching me how to be silent and find my inner calm in trialling situations.

Time-keeping

As a shift worker, your schedule changes often. You switch and swap with coworkers and managers always move you around. This was a nightmare as I had very little order in my life and I never knew how to arrange things. But, it did teach me how to manage my own time.

With a 9-5, you know you’re waking up and going home at the same time everyday. There’s very little thinking or organising to be done. My shift working days taught me how to keep up with my ever-changing work schedule, alongside studying or writing my books and blogs or dating. Every week was different and every week was a new time management challenge.

All kinds of friends

Argos provided me with all kinds of relationships and friendships. I worked with people from the age of 16-50+ and of all personality types and shapes and sizes and backgrounds.

I loved it.

Although some of them annoyed me or really didn’t fit my personality, I learned how to get along with all sorts of people. And that’s just the staff! Never mind the assortment of customers I served on a regular basis. It showed me that everyone you meet has something they can share or teach you.

How to have a conversation

Before working in retail, I was a nervous, socially anxious mess. I really don’t know how I got the job – well I do, I wasn’t quite as outwardly anxious as I thought I was. But working in retail, where I had to speak to people for a living, I had no choice but to come out of my shell.

As the years went by, I found my voice. I found my confidence. I spoke, and I held a conversation that didn’t leave me or the customer I spoke to wanting to run away.

I will forever thank my crappy retail job for granting me this incredible ability.

Shopping sends everyone a bit mad

Whether it was Mother’s Day, Christmas, or Black Friday, people went a bit mad and quite mean a lot and often at our store. This gave me some insight into who we are as people. We really think we need things. That we cannot possibly be without them. We allow ourselves to go over the edge because we can’t afford or acquire the things we want – and that’s bloody scary.

Witnessing this from behind the counter, and suffering the lash of angry, dissatisfied customers, helped me realise that I did not want to be like that. If I couldn’t have something, that’s the way it was. Christmas shouldn’t be about massive piles of presents. And if anyone loves you, they’ll love you regardless of what you get them or what you have yourself.

How to live within my means

Lastly, working in a part time retail job helped me realise that a lot of life can be lived even when your budget is small. Yes, I lived at home with my mom. But I still paid rent. I still had a partner who I wanted to do things with. And I still had a desire to travel.

My small budget granted me all those things and I thank the universe for that. And I definitely thank that time in my life for helping me realise what is important to spend my money on, and what is not, in order to keep within my means.

Thank you, Argos, for giving me so many important life lessons and strengths that help me be who I am today.

How to Feel Good

Just for fun, here are a few things you can do to feel good today!

Look good, feel good

Do good, feel good

Eat good, feel good

Move good, feel good

Speak good, feel good

Read good, feel good

Think good, feel good

Sleep good, feel good

Love good, feel good

Invest good, feel good

Create good, feel good

See good, feel good

Believe good, feel good

Knowing What Kind of Writer You Are

I was speaking to my friend (and critique partner) about our books the other day. I’m in the editing process but she’s still in the writing the draft process.

And we were envious of each other!

You see, I think there’s different kinds of writers who thrive in different ways. I thrive in the writing process. I enjoy this part the most, tackling a blank page and letting the creative juices run wild! Whilst my friend and fellow author prefers to fix a manuscript after the first draft and thrives with rewrites and adding detail afterwards.

And neither is wrong or right.

So, what other types of writers are there? Which are you?

Plotter versus winger

When it comes to writing a book (or I guess most kinds of writing forms) there’s two ways you can go about it. One, planning it out plot point by plot point; or two, winging it! You can have a set list of events or you can see where the story goes.

There’s a lot of discussion that can go into this, but I feel like I’m a plotter when it comes to my books for the most part, but I allow for (and really welcome) the points when the story and its characters take over and it takes me off course.

This works for me.

There are other writers, though, who prefer to leave most of their plot up to chance. Yes, they will have a story idea (hopefully) but what happens in between and how the characters get from point A to point B is left down to chance.

There’s good and bad in both methods. Plotters can lose the creativity and character driven-ness of their plot if they stick to their plans too much. And wingers can find themselves confused, stuck, or at a loss if they don’t know what is happening when they come to the page.

There’s no right way! A mixture of both seems nice though, right?

Writer versus editor

As I said before, I love the writing part and my friend loves the editing part. Different writers thrive and enjoy different stages of a book.

Do you enjoy laying the foundations more, or adding the decoration after?

Logic versus creative

This is similar to plotters versus wingers but different writers will tackle their work differently. Some take the logical route of following what “should” work and what the industry does or genre conventions (etc etc). But some like the creative route of doing whatever their imagination can to bring the story to life above all else.

Rusher versus sloth

I think we all can think of authors who push books out like there’s no tomorrow, and then there’s the George R. R. Martins of the group who take years and years to finish.

Going too fast with a plot can have its downsides but so is going too slow. I think we all could do with a happy medium but hey, if your best writing comes from being fast or being slow – do what you gotta do!

Noise versus silence

Different writers thrive in different environments. Some work best in coffee shops amidst noise. Others prefer the silence of a library or their home. Some have busy, disruptive home lives. Some love to write to music or with the tv on, others not so much.

Don’t do what others do because you think you’re supposed to; do what works best for your writing and your work.

Sharer versus secretive

Some love to share their writing, others only write for themselves. Some love the feedback of others; others would prefer to not get it. Whether you’re secretive about your work or not, at one point or another someone is going to have to read it so don’t hold on too tightly!

Notebook versus laptop

This is a good one. I find that I write more when on my laptop but I write more creatively and naturally when using a notebook. I don’t know if that’s just me.

With a laptop, there’s the temptation of the internet so close by! (Admit it, it sucks you in, too). But with a notebook, there’s the hand cramp!

Endless writing versus going back

Lastly, some enjoy the act of just writing and writing their manuscript until it’s done. Others feel the need to go back every now and then and edit as they go along.

I used to be the latter, but with my current manuscript I’ve been the former- and I’ve found that it works better for me! The danger of going back is that you can get stuck in the routine of going back so much that you hardly go forwards. Of course on the other hand, there’s the danger of writing endlessly until you’re finished but then you read back over it and it’s absolute trash! (Doubtful, but still).

What types of writer am I?:

Plotter – mostly, yes
Writer – definitely
Creative – I like to nourish my plots and ideas for me and what I want or the characters want, not what audiences want or what’s “right” and “logical” for the industry.
Sloth – this one was hard because I wrote my first draft (not even a rough draft but the whole finished book) in about 2 months but I always have a tendency to really sit with it for a long time and add and stretch and develop whether it’s “done” or still in writing stages.
Silence – again, this is a hard one because I do sometimes like to have music on (instrumentals and movie scores) but I’ve always been scared to write in a coffee shop and I hate the tv being on as it’s too distracting! So, silence works best for me.
Secretive – I share my blog every week, yes, but my novels are always quite secretive. I always have the fear that someone will steal my ideas or ruin them! But I do like discussing my story with loved ones and my critique partner, people I trust and who help my story develop.
Laptop – I love writing in my notebook but down to my dodgy wrists and easily cramped hands, I can’t do it for very long. My best writing flows happen on my laptop for this reason.
Endless writing – as I said before, I never used to do this but it’s really worked excellently for me this time and so I’ll keep going it.

What kind of writer are you? Let me know!

“Never Enough” – Poem

What will it take

For you to realise

That you have

Enough;

You are

Enough?

To travel across the world

And taste, see, smell, and feel

All that it has to give?

Is that enough?

To write and share

The pain and love

Inside.

To connect, shape, and

Enrich the world with words?

Is that enough?

To love and be loved,

To share and trust,

To intertwine and empower

In the bond of heart and

Soul?

Is that enough?

To have an endless collection

Of art, entertainment, and worlds

At your fingertips,

To inspire, influence, and enlighten?

Is that enough?

To be intelligent and yet

Ever-growing, ever-learning,

Open in the mind,

To let all the world’s knowledge

In?

Is that enough?

Is that enough,

For you?

You foolish girl,

Don’t you see?

All of these things,

Have been given to thee.

You are rich.

You are powerful.

You are strong.

You are loved.

You are safe.

You are smart.

You are beautiful.

You are abundant.

You are free.

So, what will it take

For you to be happy?

What,

I dare ask you,

Will be enough for you?

When will the seeking

And wanting

End.

Be careful,

My dear child,

For in your search,

You are running from

What you already have.

I’m afraid

For you.

Afraid that even

If you held the world and all its stars

In the palms of your hands.

It would never

Truly

Be

Enough.

Inspired in part by “Never Enough” from The Greatest Showman –