S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 78

Looks Can Be Deceiving…

The reason why I chose to unpack this phrase “looks can be deceiving” today was because I was in my room trying to will myself to leave the house. I almost convinced myself not to go out because the weather looked cold and grey. As a freelancer, blogger, and author, I really don’t have to leave my house if I don’t want to, but any logical person knows this is very unhealthy. And so, I forced myself out of the house and…the weather is not cold and grey at all…I’d been deceived.

What I had thought was bad weather, weather that was going to allow me to stay cooped up in my house, was actually fine. Good, even. I was sweating in my high-neck jumper!

And so I say to you, don’t believe everything you think you see…

In life

Now, this can be a big deal in many areas of life. A “dirty” look from someone in the street, the weather, someone leaving a mess – these can be misconstrued. You see, this “looks can be deceiving” phrase is all about perspective. Our perspective. One person sees a “dirty” look from someone in the street and thinks nothing of it or doesn’t engage, another sees it and thinks that they must have a problem and they seek to find out what. When in reality, that person is just having a bad day. The look was a general look.

Perspective.

We all are so quick to trust what we think we see. The person making a mess must be a miscreant who doesn’t intend to clean it up. A person lying on the sofa, feet up, must be a lazy-bum with nothing going for them. The person we see watching TV instead of reading the book next to them must be uneducated. The person at the shops in the middle of the day on a weekday must be unemployed and on benefits.

Right?

We make generalisations based on little fact, or rush to judgements based on previous experiences, but they don’t always lead to the right conclusions. “Evidence” from what we’ve seen is not enough. The person who made the mess is in a rush and will clean it later. The person on the sofa is depressed. The person watching TV is too tired to read today. The person at the shops is a freelance/remote worker who makes more money than you do.

The things you think you know is often not the case.

In society

This phrase is also a big problem for society. People look at a person or a situation and decide what they think without considering the fact that looks really can be deceiving. The girl with the short shaven hair must be a lesbian or transgender. The black boy in the hoodie must be a gang member. The woman looking grey and stressed and thin must be a drug addict. The man with neat hair, a higher voice, and a pink shirt must be gay.

And the crazy thing is, we all seem to feel like doing these “deductions” all the time. Like “oh, look at me, I can spot the gay person in the room!” But…so what? I found myself having a somewhat drunken argument with a friend once who’d said “that guy over there is gay” and I said “so?” and my friend said why they thought the guy was gay and again I said “so?” Because…SO?

And the thing is, we can’t know if we’re right about a person without asking. So, why make the judgement? What does it achieve except prove to yourself and others that you have a very limited perspective of what this thing should look like or that thing should be like and then use it to jump to conclusions that can be plain offensive like 9 times out of 10?!

I hold my hands up, even I do this. But as I’m writing this I ask myself frecking why?!

You don’t know anything about sexuality. You don’t know anything about race or religion or culture. You don’t know anything about that person or their life, so don’t even try to – unless what you intend to do is go up to them and say hi, let’s be friends.

In yourself

(But I digress…sorry about the mini rant there!)

Our tainted perspectives can also extend to ourselves. We think we look unattractive when we don’t. We think we’re a loser when we’re not. We think someone is laughing at us when they’re laughing with us.

I believe that what we look at in this life is the same, but what we all see can be very different.

Take literature, for example. I’d always loved my English lessons because it was fascinating how we can all read the same book but each draw different things from it. This is the same in life, society, and ourselves. We each read the same book, but we draw different conclusions from it. One person can look at you and see a hardworking single mother. Another can look at you and see a stressed out, depressed, or drugged up person. And you, you can look at yourself in the mirror and see a failure who’s in over their head.

But none of these dictates who you really are, truly. They’re all tainted perspectives, based on little to no evidence, prejudice, jealousy, anger, bitterness, other people having a bad day, or you yourself being low and not seeing yourself for who you really are.

Looks are deceiving. They just are.

Next time you come to a conclusion about a situation, a person, or yourself, question it. Don’t trust what you think you see. Alter your perspective.

Inspiration Tools for Fantasy Writers

Hey, fellow fantasy writers. Today, I wanted to share with you a few perhaps lesser-known ways to find inspiration for your fantasy worlds and characters…

Pottermore

Anyone who is a Harry Potter fan will know of the site Pottermore, which is rich in extended content about the Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts universe. I’ve recently become intrigued by it again because reading in-depth about the Harry Potter world, which we all know is one of the most well-thought-out worlds ever, is helping me to explore the intricate details of my own. It’s helping me to consider people, place, plot twists, backstory, connections and angles that I hadn’t thought about before.

Pinterest

Pinterest is my go-to for outfit ideas, recipes, life advice, and fantasy inspiration. I have more Pinterest boards than I care to admit. If you don’t know, Pinterest is a site (and app) where you can “pin” links and images of…well, anything. It’s a great way to get ideas because it literally has images and ideas for everything. I’ve found great artwork, illustrations, character designs, world designs, writing prompts and explanations about existing elements from fantasy worlds that has really sparked ideas for my own.

Fan Theories

Another thing that I’ve become a bit obsessed with lately is watching fan theory videos on YouTube, especially about the Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts stories, alongside Pixar and Disney films. My family are a little worried and perhaps irritated that I watch so many. But not only are they generally interesting and ever so clever, they actually help me with story, too. Think about it, any good fan theory is based on evidence found in a narrative. They don’t just come from nowhere and no one would even entertain them if they didn’t have some backing.

This is particularly a thing with fantasy narratives. The worlds and the people are usually so vast that fans can connect dots that the writer didn’t even know were there! Now, I’m not saying that I want to ensure there are breadcrumbs for future fans to find (although, yeah let’s all do that), but I now see the importance of exploring your story beyond what is obvious and at the forefront of your narrative. Even if it’s never explored, knowing small details and expanding your world can be what takes your book to the next level.

Mythology

I don’t know how many of you know, but many fantasy books often draw inspiration from mythology. Harry Potter does, obviously Percy Jackson does, and even Disney does. You can use or be inspired by mythical creatures, storylines, heroes, powers, or cultural elements. Why make something up when there is a wealth of mythological stories to pick ideas from, right?! Some people may never even find out…

History

Similar to mythology, you can also draw from stories from our history, or at least make your narrative more realistic by using elements from history. Witches were considered real in our history, especially with the Salem witches. Game of Thrones is very Medievalesque, drawing setting from history. It is common for fantasy books to be reminiscent of things from history in general, but it is also good to just think about the fact that a lot of things from our history have influenced our world today. So, this should work in the same way for your fantasy world and narrative. Perhaps studying history can help us do this realistically.

Other fantasy worlds

Of course, no fantasy writer will be any good if they have never read or at least watched some fantasy stories unfold. Otherwise, you may have a “great idea” that’s actually the plot for Harry Potter. Studying other fantasy worlds is a great way to understand how to craft and describe your own. You’ll see how a magic system is used, how setting detail matters, and how to make it very real for the reader who is only from a simple world like Earth (*urgh*).

You can’t just have a world that is cool but makes no sense. These are real people that you’ve created, living real lives, in a world that should feel plausible. Only by reading about other fantasy worlds will you be able to truly get this right, or learn from the mistakes of others.

Not only should you read these books or watch these films, though. The real detail and ideas can come from doing your own research about these worlds online.

Other cultures

Though, be careful with the fine line between using a cultural idea, and misusing it and saying it’s yours to the point of cultural appropriation…

But anyway, I’ve found that drawing from the ideas of other cultures is not only useful for you the writer (and cool too) but it’s also a great way to share other cultures with your readers. Of course, you may not get the chance to say “they are doing a ceremonial dance which is from Spanish culture” but anyone who loves your story may come to look deeper into it and realise that you got the idea from Spanish culture, which leads to the reader gaining not only understanding about the crafting of your story but also that culture. Win-win.

The fact is, all writers draw ideas from their own lives. It can also be beneficial to draw ideas from other people’s lives, too, and from all around the world.

Anime

I’ve mentioned this before so I won’t go into too much detail, but anime is brilliant for fantasy inspiration. Not everyone grew up with anime like myself, but I’m super happy that I did because it’s enriched my work ever since. Anime is just…amaze-balls. When watching the right ones, you can find well-thought-out worlds and magic systems that are unparalleled. Just, go watch some! (I suggest Bleach, Naruto, One Piece, Attack on Titan, Full Metal Alchemist, Soul Eater…)

Science

Again, if you want a fantasy world that can’t be faulted, sometimes studying science can really help. It can help you understand how a species can survive, what they need, how ecosystems, food chains, and life in general works. It can add depth to your magic system, powers, and character abilities. For example, Alchemy is a real thing and it is used in Harry Potter and Full Metal Alchemist in depth. Those without an understanding of science may think that alchemy is made up for witchy or magical things, but it’s not!

You can use real science from our world to add realism, or use it to make a cool power that your readers won’t know came from existing scientific beliefs.

Languages

Again, some may not know that the spells and even the names used in Harry Potter often come from other languages, usually Latin or Greek. J.K. Rowling, I believe, studied languages at university, so it’s no surprise that she understands language pretty well and uses them to bring real magic to the HP world. You can do this, too, with even basic research (just make sure it’s right if you’re going to say it’s a set language from our world).

Video games

Lastly, there are video games. I don’t play now like I used to, but I believe that playing a good video game can really inspire our writing. Video games are often set in other worlds, with magic systems, and a narrative – just like fantasy films. But the great thing about a game is that you get to immerse your own character in said world. With a game character, you can explore this world (usually at a slower pace than a film that’s out of your control) and see how it works. Then, even better, you can go and do your own research about the game and the world to gain even more insight and inspiration.

–

There you have it, some less conventional ways to find some fantasy inspiration for your fantasy world-building and characters if you are a fantasy writer. Good luck, guys!

Check out my fantasy novel Ash Born on Goodreads today, and add it to your to-read list!

Or get your copy of Ash Born here.

Check out my author’s site, S.R. Crawford’s site, where you can keep up to date on my published works and any progress with my current WIP.

Limits to Change

It’s September, guys, and I don’t know about you but I am feeling kind of like I’ve got a chance to start afresh. I don’t know if it’s because it’s the changing of the season, or because we used to start a new school year in September, but for the first time I’m not sad about summer ending; instead, I’m excited about a new beginning.

But there’s something pretty big that stops us from using these new beginnings to make important life changes. LIMITATIONS. We all feel that we have limits that stop us from being better, doing more, achieving our dreams (and so on). And these limitations can really affect our mental, physical and emotional health.

Except…do we really have limits? I think not. We’re not limited by much, and I’ll explain:

Not limited by your lack of education

I feel that I am not as intelligent as a lot of those around me. I dropped out of university after a year, and I think that this has settled in my mind as “you are not smart enough.” Because I didn’t finish uni, get a degree, and graduate like so many others around me, that means that I’m not intelligent. It means I lack the vocabulary, critical thinking skills, higher reading abilities, specific knowledge and know-how, and credibility/qualifications.

Except…this isn’t true! At least, it doesn’t have to be.

You see, I have spoken about university with the university graduates that I know and a lot of them didn’t think that university was worth the time, money, and effort. My brother barely attended his lessons, and was self-taught with a lot of the skills he now uses for his job. My partner has been working a job as an architectural technologist for almost a year now…even before he had completed his degree!

What this tells me is that not everyone needs to go to university and that your intelligence is not determined by how far you went with your education. It just isn’t. The only thing that a lack of education does is give you a lack of qualifications which (I admit) can be damaging for certain jobs – but not all! In fact, most university graduates will agree that doors didn’t automatically open for them just because of their degree. They still lacked experience in the job world.

In this day and age, it’s almost impossible to be ignorant. We are in an age of endless information available to us with ease. With the click of a button, we can go from not knowing who Nietzsche is, to knowing his entire works and theories.

All we have to do is look for the information and want to know it.

Not limited by your lack of money

Now, some people may be thinking well “education isn’t the problem, it’s money.” And yes, I’ve felt quite limited by that too. Except, a lot of things are free. Think about the common areas where people want to better themselves or their lives: health, knowledge, fitness, career, hobbies, relationships, and friendships. Yes, some of these things are limited by money, but how much, really?

I’d say not a lot. You can find plenty of free resources for educating yourself. You don’t need a gym membership or a personal trainer to get fit, you can do it at home or go for a run outside for free. A lot of hobbies are free and if you head down to your local community centre, I bet they have a lot of activities that you could do for free to meet new people, too. And you don’t need money to advance or change careers, in fact it’s usually the changing of careers that brings the money in.

You can get a free (or cheaper) education than at university to gain the knowledge or skill that you need to then advance your career and then better your money! Boom, done.

So, don’t blame your bad life or lack of change on money – it’s not the money’s fault that you’re unhappy.

Not limited by your lack of physical ability

Firstly, I know what people may be thinking, “what about those of us in wheelchairs or with blindness or no limbs?” Well, I will refer you to the Paralympics – the most inspirational and motivational thing I’ve ever watched. These people have more physical “hindrances” than I do, and yet they accomplish so much and are downright badasses.

So, unless you are literally bedridden, unable to move and talk, you not really limited by your physical abilities. Not completely, anyway.

I say this to my mom who has arthritis. She often moans about her aches and pains and the inability to do certain things. But to this, I say, “mom, there are some things you can’t do, yes, but there is a lot that you can do. So, do those things instead.”

A man with a bad back doesn’t say, “well I guess I’ll just stay in bed forever“. No, instead they get a walking stick, zimmer frame, or wheelchair and carry on with their life. I had a friend who had Cystic Fibrosis that attacked her lungs, but guess what? She lived a damned full life, whilst wheeling around her oxygen tank. If you have physical limits, use tools and imagination to find a way around them. Simple.

Now, if you are someone with no real physical handicaps, then you are like me and you have no limitations at all. Want to be fitter (stronger or more flexible), work on it. Simple!

Not limited by your social pressures

The last big one that I’ll quickly discuss is social pressures, definitions, ideals, expectations, and all that fun stuff. “No one is accepting of me. No one understands. Life is harder for people like me. You don’t understand.”

Wrong.

There are plenty of people who do, in fact, understand. There are plenty of people who are totally accepting of you as you are. There are people who will go out of their way to help you. People who will open doors for you. People who get you, are like you, and want to advocate for change. The world is not as bleak as some people think.

It’s just your current environment that is.

So, to that, I will say move. Go somewhere else. Find new people. Find your crowd. Knock on more than one door. Build your own damn door! In this day and age, there is nothing you can’t be and definitely someone out there who is like you and will love you.

Instead, the only real limitations that we have are these:

Lack of motivation
Lack of discipline
Lack of passion
Lack of focus
Lack of energy
Lack of purpose
Lack of willpower
Lack of perspective
Lack of imagination
Laziness
Fear

If you keep saying you want change – you want this, you want that – but it isn’t happening, I bet that it is down to one or more of the above.

I know for sure that my fitness hasn’t been fixed because I lack motivation and I’m lazy (I can’t be bothered to work out, I’d rather do something else). I know that waking up earlier hasn’t happened for me because I lack the discipline and energy to do so. I know that I get sad about my situation at times because I lack perspective. I know my career could be in a different place if I didn’t have so much fear.

My only limitation…is me. Your only limitation is you.

I didn’t discuss mental health here, because I think it suits the idea of physical hindrances. Yes, there are things you can’t do (or feel you can’t) because of your mental illness, but there is so much that you can do, too. I have social anxiety and I’m prone to depression. But the aforementioned perspective, motivation, passion, focus, and discipline work to help me better these illnesses. So, if you’re like me, they could do that for you, too.

Thoughts on Age & Balance

*An introspective piece…*

Yesterday, myself and my partner went to see Kevin Hart (the comedian) live. It was an amazing night, where I laughed so much that I hurt. But before Kevin Hart came on, another comedian made jokes about age. He was talking about the differences between someone in their 20’s and someone in their 40’s or 50’s.

As he spoke, I sounded more like I’m 40 than in my early 20’s. I sounded just as “old” as the 40 year olds he described…and it upset me.

That’s not to say I want to change my personality or force myself to party just because I’m 20, though; that’s wrong. What I mean is I need to be less serious and less…still.

Since I dropped out of uni, I started to take my life very seriously. I knew that because I’d made that hard decision to take another path, that I couldn’t afford to drift or dillydally or be irresponsible. I needed to take my life and career into my own hands and make things happen.

Then this year, I made it a “change” year. A year of progression and growth in every way. But perhaps I took that too far. I’m super proud of my growth and I feel like an entirely different person compared to last year. But I’ve also forgotten about being a reckless, fun-having, youth. A real twenty-year-old. I forgot about a time in my life that should be full of mistakes and self-exploration and silliness and freedom and “f*ck it“s.

I forgot to just live. I forgot that it is okay to be a little irresponsible when you’re young.

And so, I know now that I must remember the tattoos that are on my wrists. They are of the yin and yang.

Balance.

That is what I need, and I think a lot of us forget about it. If you’re like me, and you’re in your twenties, you may need to appreciate this advice, too…

A balance between being outside, and being inside.

Between doing and relaxing.

Between working and playing.

Between running and walking.

Between seriousness and lightheartedness.

Between productivity and lazy days.

Between recklessness and plans.

Between dressing up and lounging out.

Between TV and books.

Between controlling and going with the flow.

Between alone time and time with others.

I know now that I haven’t been living in a place of balance. I’ve been very focused on progression, productivity, and how I can “fix” my life and my mind. But in focusing so much on that, I’ve lost balance. I’ve lost my health again.

Instead, I need to do more of what I had been resisting this month. More fun, socialising, letting go, being with people, being out of control, doing new things, and intentionally living.

If you feel tired, bitter, angry, jealous, bored, unmotivated, unfocused, depressed, or fatigued – then you need to make changes. You need to readjust. I did a podcast episode about this if you want to know how to do a Life Readjustment. However, when I did mine, I was focused on how I can better things and progress, whereas I should have been focused on how I could ensure balance in my life.

And you should, too.

If there is any advice that should be taken from my site, it is this: Balance is the key to all things. The key to success, happiness, a life well-lived, healing, and harmony.

Seek balance, not perfection.

Crafting your life – Poem

Trying to hold onto the paper,

but it tears and tears,

they fall.

Cages lock me in.

Every way you look, there’s

bars. I’m trapped.

Foolish to think,

I could ever be free.

Freedom is an idea,

That can’t be made real.

But we build

Build

Build.

Chip away at the edges,

Try to create the right shape

For the holes we want to fill.

Climbing stairs.

There is no elevator.

But what if there is

no top?

An endless mountain,

Ever climbing

Climbing

Climbing…

The air is thin

Up here.

I can’t breathe.

Where’s the light gone?

Does it shine?

Do I shine,

anymore?

Am I lost?

Where did I leave,

My family?

My friends?

My partner?

My dreams?

My mind?

Were they left

Behind?

Who reaches the top

of the mountain

but an empty shell?

A vessel of anguish?

A ghost of a person?

A lonely loner all alone?

I remember that

I must remember:

When crafting a life,

You must use the right tools.

A potion of success,

An elixir of life,

Can only be acquired with:

Laughter

Memories

Love

Friendship

Trust

Time

Kindness

Gratitude

Patience

Wholeness

Passion

Help

Pace

Truth

And,

Perhaps,

A lot of youness.

A complete, perfect, package,

Tied with a pretty bow.

The prettiest of bows,

One of scars

and stretch marks

and sores.

Then, and only then,

Will the life you craft,

Be worth living.

Force It!

Sometimes, sadly, in order to be productive, we have to force it. The best way to ensure something gets done is to give yourself no other choice but to do it.

Yes, this can be a little frustrating, but it can really work when you’re trying something new or trying to build new habits that you’re not yet getting the hang of. It can work for boring tasks, work you have to do, and writing as a whole! So, how can you “force it”? How does it work?

Ways to force it:

Set deadlines
Put everything distracting (phone) away
Leave that comfortable space
Be held accountable
Make yourself feel a little guilty if you don’t do it (a little, not a lot!)
Do it with others
Attach it to something else, like another habit

What can “forcing it” help with:

Getting work done
Doing those things you know you should but keep putting off
Focusing in general
Doing your job(!)
Mundane tasks

So, let’s think about how this can work in reality. Say you want to read more (like I did at one point), but you don’t have the habit down-pat. You don’t have the motivation. Well, force it! You could go into the bathroom to do you “business” and bring your book instead of your phone. That means that if you want some entertainment, you’re going to have to read the book. You could leave your phone in your bag instead of in your pocket, so it’s harder to reach. Then when you’re commuting to work (or something), you could have your book in your hand and you will be forced to read instead of being on your phone.

Another thing you could do is set up a kind of book club with a few friends. Not the whole “come over to my house and discuss the book and analyse the characters” kind of thing, but instead you and two friends could all read the same book one month (or whenever). That way you’ll feel like you better read it because you’ll feel bad if your friends do and they text you at the end of the month like “hey how awesome was that book right?!” but you have no idea how awesome it was…

This is deadlines, accountability, doing it with someone, taking distractions away, guilt, and attaching to other habits/routines. See how it can work?

Have your book at the side of your bed, but put your phone on your chest of drawers away from your bed. So, if you’re trying to wind down for bed, you’ll choose to read because there’s nothing else!

Force it! Force it!

And of course, this works with others things, too. Like I worked-out more when I knew I had the Wolf Run coming up. This was a deadline, as well as the fact that I was doing it with other people so I was pushed to try to match their fitness levels and I was held accountable for it. You could leave your phone upstairs and be forced to go on your exercise bike whilst watching TV, for another example. Or actually go to the gym, where you’ll have to work out otherwise you’ll look kind of silly just sitting there.

Make it so that not doing what you should be doing is actually harder than just doing it. Make it so that you are forced to do it until its done or becomes so natural that it’s no longer forced at all. Having a writing deadline helped me be a better novelist. And having people on the journey with me helped me, too. Trust me, the techniques work.

It’s doable. Reading is something I now do easily, whereas before I did struggle for a while. I have a few other things I need to “force” but I’m trying, and that’s all we can do!

Good luck.

Life is too damn short

Life is too short to waste time being angry at people you love.

Too short to ask “why?” and dwell on the past.

Too short to wait for apologies.

Too short to blame people (or yourself) for things going wrong.

Too short to wait for summer, the weekend, and holidays.

Too short to waste time doing things that don’t make us feel good.

Too short to worry about “what if?”

Too short to hold back on going after our dream lives.

Too short to harbour negative emotions like anger, resentment, fear, grief, sorrow, self-pity, comparison, bitterness, and judgement.

Too short to forget to play.

Too short to hide your self (your true self) away.

Too short to not just buy the shoes.

Too short to not say “I love you.”

Too short to take the people we love for granted and not spend time with them.

Too short to do anything except what makes us feel alive.

Because if you keep thinking you have forever, you’ll do the worst possible thing you can do –

wait.

Waiting costs lives. Waiting steals time. Waiting causes missed opportunities. Waiting increases fear. Waiting tires you out. Waiting changes your perspective. Waiting bores people. Waiting makes you ill. Waiting makes people leave.

Don’t get lost in that place of wait. Don’t be that person who says, “oh, I’ll do it tomorrow…next month…next year.”

Because you may not get that time. Your future isn’t promised to you.

Don’t wait to ask him out – ask him.

Don’t wait to write the book – write it.

Don’t wait to board the plane – board it.

Don’t wait to fill your heart – fill it.

NOW.

Because, sadly and truthfully, LIFE. IS. TOO. GODDAMNED. SHORT.

What I Learned from the Harry Potter Series

As a writer:
Detail

Detail is key. Not George R. R. Martin level of detail, right down to the petal detail on every flower in a meadow, but real detail. Character detail. Room detail. What people are really like and think about and talk about and do. Details matter; it makes the difference between a basic novel and a legendary franchise. Harry Potter will always, for me at least, be the perfect example of detail in the right amount for world-building and character.

Foreshadowing

I think the biggest thing that the HP books did that sets them aside is foreshadowing. Rowling is the queen of setting up foundations and leaving breadcrumbs all over the place for readers to find when re-reading the books for maybe the third, fourth, or fifth time. There are still theories and discoveries being made every day about the Potter universe, even after 11 years has passed since the last book was released! Now that’s detail and foreshadowing at its finest.

Characters

Another thing that came into play to make it a legendary series was the characters. And detail ties into this point, too. Not only does HP have a lengthy list of characters, but they all have unique features, a point to the story, and backstory too. They all have well thought out connections, history, likes and dislikes, behaviours, and appearance detail. In a nutshell, they’re all very REAL. And the main ones each go through real character developments throughout the series.

Rowling will always be one of the best authors because she doesn’t write characters, not really; she writes people. I will always be in awe of this and try to bring it into my own work.

As a human:
Pain and adversity

As a person reading the books, the biggest thing that HP teaches us is that pain and adversity are bearable. We can get through it. Harry comes from a god-awful upbringing yet he managed to make new friends and pick a family for himself (the Weasleys and the Order). HP shows us that no matter what we are made to go through, good friends and the courage to try again will help us through.

Friendship

The next thing that HP gave me was friends. I’m not alone when I say that you can pick up a HP book and feel like you’re with friends. As someone who doesn’t easily connect with people, and often feels alone or misunderstood, having these characters and a home within a book can really mean a lot. So, thanks, J.K.

Magic exists

This will always be a fantasy series for the ages. HP will not be forgotten in a hurry. This is because it is one of the only series to be able to get people of all ages and backgrounds believing in magic! Originally a children’s book, Rowling managed to make adults and child alike go bonkers over this story and its detail – and they still are to this day.

Like with the friendship element, the magic is something that can really sooth the soul. When times are hard (or even when they’re not), Hogwarts has a way of making you believe anything is possible. You can’t help smiling at the pages, filled with emotion, wishing with all your might that your Hogwarts letter will still arrive even when you’re now in your twenties!

Never give up

Both the books and Rowling herself taught me that you should never give up. She went through hardships herself and so did Harry (and co.) but what they both didn’t do was give up. They easily could have done, but look what they would have missed out on if they had! Rowling would be depressed and poor; Harry would have been…dead and the wizarding world would be ruled by a Dark Lord…eek!

I could go on and on about the lessons of Harry Potter, but I just wanted to write a quick appreciation post because as a fantasy author myself and a fan of the franchise, I just couldn’t imagine life without it. I’ve been re-reading the books, so expect more posts like this!

Ciao, fellow Potterheads!

 

Reasons Why You Don’t Understand Mental Illness

Mental health = the care for and awareness of the mind, mentality, feelings and thoughts that we have

Mental illness = a disorder, impairment, dysfunction, or illness of the mind (brain)

I was thinking the other day about how it is that some people still can’t wrap their heads around mental health and mental illness, and so below are the reasons I found. It frustrates me when I find myself arguing with someone about the reality of it, and so I felt I needed an “answer” to why they didn’t understand. And perhaps if you’ve experienced mental illness, then you will find solace in these “answers”, too…

You’ve never experienced mental illness

I think the biggest reason why someone may not understand mental health is that they’ve never actually felt mental illness. It’s like trying to explain a cold or a broken leg or love to someone who hasn’t felt it. You can explain and explain all you like, but they won’t truly understand the feelings or pain (etc.) that goes with it unless they feel it for themselves.

You can say a fire is hot, and it burns, but until you touch the fire how do you really know? Right…

You have no close relationships with people who have had mental illnesses

Again, maybe you don’t understand mental health and mental illness because no one in your family or friendship groups knows about it either or has suffered from illness. This isn’t your fault, of course, but it could be why you don’t understand. Because you could understand more, even if you hadn’t felt it yourself, if you knew someone who you visibly saw suffering day to day.

You were brought up religious

This is not a negative, I’m just saying that it is common for people who are brought up religious to not put as much severity into mental illness as perhaps non-religious people. Religious people believe that their God(s) are their protectors, and if they are going through trying times, then their God(s) will help them through. They wouldn’t seek therapy or medication or even holistic healing to aid in trying times, instead, they turn to their God.

Now, of course, I’m not saying no religious people will care about mental illness and give it the proper attention it deserves, but it can be a reason as to why not. Being from certain countries can also do this, as some cultures do not appreciate mental illness as a real illness either.

You buy into the old ideals

Back in the day, mental illness was really stigmatised. It was taboo. The people who had a mental illness were shunned, hospitalised, ignored, or given a lobotomy…(Yeah, pretty awful).

So, it’s fair to say that older people are less appreciative and understanding of mental illness. And if you, too, believe in the old mindset, then you will not give mental illness (or mental health in general) the attention that it deserves.

You’re uneducated

I guess the last reason why someone wouldn’t understand mental illness is if they haven’t heard of it. If they haven’t been educated about the mind in any way. Sadly, this can be the vast majority, as I only studied Psychology at college level. Beforehand, we weren’t taught about the mind, anxiety, depression, personality disorders, autism, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, eating disorders, or anything else. How awful is that?

I truly hope that more schools are educating their students sooner so that they can understand themselves and others better.

So, what I’m trying to say is that you shouldn’t beat yourself up if you don’t understand mental illness or the importance of focusing on mental health. It’s probably not your fault. But it is your fault from now on if you choose to remain close-minded or rude or uneducated about it. Do the research. Ask around. Have the conversation. And look within.

Just because you’ve not felt something, doesn’t mean it’s not real.

x

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

What A Panel of Black Authors Meant for Me

On Tuesday this week, I was able to hear authors Tomi Adeyemi (pictured with me above), Yomi Adegoke, and Elizabeth Uviebinene talk at a bookstore. These authors all had one thing in common – they were black, and they were Nigerian.

It was a euphoric experience!

I’m not the kind of woman (and never was the kind of girl) to obsess over celebrities and wish to meet them. But meeting these authors turned me into the kind of stereotypical fangirl, screaming and being excited as if I was meeting someone who wasn’t quite as human as me!

Anyway, I digress. This is what seeing these particular authors speak meant to me…

It’s possible

Of course, the first thing I felt was that the possibilities were endless. You have to try to appreciate how it was for me, as a mixed-race girl from England from a poor-ish area, to want to be an author. On the TV, all I saw was white people. White, well-educated, well-spoken authors. So, naturally, I didn’t think that I would really be able to make it as an author.

But now, finally, I know I can! On my social media platforms, all I see now is “coloured” authors – or POC (Person of Colour) authors, as they say. Diversity is finally here in our society, and not only that, it’s actually popular! If you look at the New York Times Bestsellers List, you will see the likes of The Hate U Give, and Children of Blood and Bone, and a Reaper at the Gates – all books written by non-white authors!

How amazing is that?

For me, as an aspiring POC author, this is huge. It is emotional. It is life-changing. And seeing this panel of only black authors, and women, too, really helped me to realise that I too can sit there.

The black experience

The next thing it did was really hit home about the black experience. Now, I’m “half black”, my mom is black, my family (big family) is all black. My boyfriend is black, too. I know that world. I’ve been lumped into that world, too, because as a mixed race girl, I’m not white and so I’m considered black. I was the token black girl in my friendship groups, and I was their go-to for information on the black experience, and I was the recipient of “black jokes” too.

But hearing these women speak about their experience was eye-opening even for me. I found myself nodding along to what they said, having experienced the same (or similar) myself or agreeing with their statements. But as I did this, I started to feel like I shouldn’t. I started to feel like I, as a mixed race girl, wasn’t black enough to truly understand their feelings. That I was what they called “light-skinned” or a “mixed girl” who didn’t get the same ridicule, stereotypes, racism, and exclusion that they as “darker” woman receive.

And I could agree.

Though I’d faced the subtly racist jokes, and the inappropriate touching of my hair, and close-minded questions, and being seen as less beautiful than my blonde, white, blue-eyed friends – this wasn’t enough to lump me in with the experience of these darker skinned, black women.

And it was sad to hear them speak of it. Sad, but needed. These things may be hard to say and awkward to hear, but they are needed because they are real. And I’d love to attend more talks like it.

Black women have more to give

This goes without saying and requires no explanation, but this was reiterated at the talk. It’s so unfair that black woman aren’t seen as “great”, “respected”, “knowledgeable”, “powerful”, or “influential” enough in western society. Yes, there’s Oprah, Michelle Obama, and Beyonce…but that’s the most I can think of naming right now.

And isn’t that sad? Deeply sad?

People who are more “woke” may be able to list a lot more, but what I’m trying to say is that the number of influential black women (dark, specifically) is not as POPULAR and WELL-KNOWN. And that’s the problem. Not that there aren’t any out there…because duh there is…it’s that they aren’t known by enough people. They aren’t the first thing you see on TV. They aren’t given the time, appreciation, and status that they deserve.

But perhaps, finally, their time is coming. Black women are speaking out, putting out their content, and not allowing themselves to be swept under the carpet. And I’m especially happy to see it in my own industry. Woman of colour at the top of the New York Times Bestseller Lists? What a time!

Stereotypes are dying

No longer can harmful stereotypes of black people be used. Things like “lazy” and “undereducated” spring to mind here and these wonderful ladies are an example of how that has never been true. It’s maddening that some people even think that (but we won’t go there *breathes deeply to keep calm*) but it’s amazing that now there is no way this can be accepted.

Every day, amazing black men and women are showing what they’ve got and proving that black people have so much to give and that the stereotypes used against them in the past, should now be dead and gone.

Black (POC) characters are needed

Now I know this blog post talks about some heavy stuff, because there are people out there who have been through tough times just because of their skin colour – let’s not sugarcoat or forget that. But on a lighter note, I want to say that hearing these women speak, reminded me why black characters are needed in books, too. Not just do we need black authors (or non-white authors) we also need characters like this. Leading characters! Main characters. Heroes. Change-makers. Influencers.

And we, as writers, are the ones who can make that happen. Don’t force them into your story, but ask yourself why they’re not there if they aren’t in the first place. I know that growing up, I was so used to seeing white characters, that I thought that the ones in my stories had to be white too – even though I myself have always been surrounded by non-white people! Isn’t that crazy? Isn’t that sad?

So, writers, you have the power to change that. Write real characters. Bring characters of all kinds into your story, because that is a real reflection and capturing of our world and our life. Come on!

POC authors are needed

See all of the comments above.

We need your experience. We need your insight. We need your beauty on the TV and social media and on the covers (or back covers) of books. Little black and Asian and mixed girls and boys need to grow up seeing you succeeding so that they know they can too.

Please, don’t be afraid that you won’t succeed. You have a voice, you have a talent, use it. It’s needed now more than ever.