S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 75

Achievements of 2018

Here is my list of achievements, notable moments, out-of-my-comfort-zone accomplishments, and intentional living accomplishments of 2018…

Spring Wolf Run*
Wrote the Elle Evans book 75k middle-grade fantasy novel*
Wrote the Demon Child (first draft, November) 50k middle-grade fantasy novel*
Went away to Portugal: Faro, Sagres, Albufeira, Lagos*
Went away to Italy: Rome, Vatican*
Went away to the Netherlands: Amsterdam*
Left my office writing job*
Became self-employed*
Read 24 books (including some audiobooks)
Decluttered my space a lot; sold things online, gave to charity
Entered the Pitch Wars writing competition*
Twitter pitched for PitMad, KidPit, and DvPit
Queried my book (Elle Evans) to two literary agents; one read my 50 pages before rejecting*
Started my podcast*: What I Know So Far
Developed my website*; produced weekly content for my readers on my blog
Developed my diet and cooking*; expanded my tastes
Went on Europe’s Highest Swing in Amsterdam*
Parasailed over the Atlantic Ocean in Portugal*
Got on a boat (twice) for the first time in like 10 years (I get sea-sick)
Went on Amsterdam’s canals
Got high for the first time (legally, in Amsterdam!)
Celebrated the holidays and seasons intentionally
Won NaNoWriMo
Worked from a coffee shop and the library for the first time (overcoming my fear to do so)
Went to see Kevin Hart perform
Saw two outdoor cinema screenings
Gained a client in the niche I enjoy (mental health and wellbeing)*
Living with my boyfriend*
Visited the Harry Potter Warner Bros Studios tour in London (for the third time) but this time in the snow!
Republished my self-help book*
Saw that my self-help book is actually being sold in Waterstones’ online store*
Sold books around the world*
Saw the Circus
Gave blood
Met Tomi Adeyemi, talked about Pitch Wars and got my copy of Children of Blood and Bone signed!
Visit the British Library in London for the Harry Potter: A History of Magic exhibit
Saw The Lion King in theatre
Learned so much about the writing community and book publishing industry*
In December, I started to take my health and fitness more seriously. I’ve done my research, got my gym buddies, and a plan in place *fingers crossed*

10 Things to Do Before 2019

Here are 10 Things to Do Before 2019:

Decluttering: Don’t bring unwanted, unused, purposeless junk into 2019 (that includes things, thoughts, feelings, experiences, and people). Clear out your wardrobe, cupboards, inbox, downloads, books, notebooks, receipts – all of it!
Think about what you really want for the coming year and write it down in CAPS! (See my Goal Setting post for more information on how to do the New Year right!)
Celebrate Christmas with family and friends. (If you don’t celebrate Christmas, that’s fine! But have fun regardless!)
Test yourself one last time to do something that is out of your comfort zone. Smashing goals shouldn’t be reserved for 2019, just because it’s December.
Start working on your fitness if you don’t already have a routine. Losing weight or improving fitness is often on people’s to-do list in the New Year, so start now and get ahead of it.
Write a letter to yourself thanking yourself for the year you’ve had. Write another one stating your wishes for the coming year and put it away to check over at the end of 2019.
Organise your finances. We all love having money, but more often than not, we have more money than we realise – we just spend too much! Track your spending from 2018 to see where your pitfalls were; then set budgets and have savings accounts set up ready to have a good financial year in 2019.
Take a chunk of time to sit back and review the year you’ve had. (See below for how to review your year).
Show gratitude for the year, whether it was good or bad, and welcome the new with open eyes, belief, and hope in your heart.
Finally, get the things done that you’ve been putting off. Fix that broken thing. Sell that item. Clean the cupboards. Make that call. Don’t bring any unfinished business into 2019 with you!

 

How to Review Your Year:

What did I achieve this year? (Any and all achievements, big or small, personal or not).
What did I learn this year?
What went wrong?
What went right?
How did I feel (mostly) this year?
How did I change/develop/grow?
Who was important to me this year?
Who did I help? What did I help with?
What could I do better?
What did I have or do this year that was better than the last year?
In what ways did I live my best life? Live with intention? Test my comfort zone and limits?

If you don’t do any of the others on this list, please do this one. Please review your year. Not only is it a good way to feel accomplished, but it is also a great way to remind yourself that you’ve actually done more and grown more than you realised.

Be grateful for the growth no matter how small. Be grateful for the lessons, no matter how hard. If you lost any loved ones this year, I’m sincerely sorry. I went to a funeral this year and it was very hard for me to do as it brought up all the memories and emotions attached to previous lost loved ones.

It’s hard to find any happiness or solace in death, but you can shift your mindset. Write down that you are proud of yourself for getting up each day and going to work or doing the groceries whilst grieving.  Write that you are proud of yourself for supporting your family through the tough times.

It’s not the death that was good or that was a “hard lesson worth learning” – that’s hard to swallow, I know. It’s the strength of carrying on despite the death that makes you strong, and being able to smile even for a minute in that grief is a massive achievement that you need to congratulate yourself for.

I hope that the New Year brings you everything you deserve. I hope happy days, progression, clarity, hope, abundance, and light comes into your life.

Goodbye 2018, hello 2019…

All I Want for Christmas

This year for Christmas,

I want to ask

for the biggest thing of all:

Confidence.

It’s all I want this year.

It’s all I want for years to come.

For with confidence,

I am brave enough to

chase my dreams

despite the nightmares attached to the

pursuit.

Confidence will make me beautiful.

Confidence will hold my hand

when I feel most weak.

Confidence will introduce me

before I even speak.

Confidence will dress me.

Confidence will wake me.

Confidence will lift me.

Confidence will warm me.

So I ask for a box of confidence

this Christmas.

Just a little box,

whatever you can spare.

But confidence is all I need,

to get myself there.

Thank You, Writing Community

On this, the last day of NaNoWriMo, I want to say a huge thank you to my fellow writers.

This year, I finally found people who are (and have been) going through the same journey as myself. Writing is a lonely profession. It’s personal, it’s hard, it’s solitary. This means that writers can become very sad, lonely, and even depressed if they’re not careful.

For years, I have felt alone in my craft. I’ve felt misunderstood and odd compared to those around me. I thought that not having money come from my writing, or not having praise and acceptance in abundance, meant I was a bad writer. On incredibly low days, and there were quite a few, I felt like giving up.

But alas, I did not!

And by god am I glad that I didn’t, because this year has been the best writing year of my life, which is down to you, Writing Community.

You have shown me that I am not alone. You have shared your quirks, pitfalls, challenges, word counts, inspiration, ideas, memes, and general “ahhhh” moments on social media and they have helped me to know that the writing journey is a pretty unique one.

There is no greater profession (in my opinion) because it is so wonderfully unique. No two writers will have the exact same process, experiences, rules, education, goals, ideas, beliefs, systems, genre, tropes, and so on. Yet we can all be amazing.

By sharing our stories (be that our literal novel ideas or our personal, real-life stories), we are connecting to others all over the globe. We are saying, “hey, I’m here too, #amwriting and feeling meh!” It encourages you to continue. It shows you that you’re not weird, or lost, or broken, or alone, or sad, or behind, or incapable of connection – which is so easy to feel as a writer.

I challenged myself to writing competitions, giveaways, NaNoWriMo, and Twitter Pitches this year. I won NaNoWriMo and completed my middle-grade fantasy novel! I got interest from DVPit. I queried to my first agents this year, too! None of which would have happened without the brilliant liveliness and vocality of the Writing Community, especially on Twitter.

I feel like I’ve found a second home, and made new friends that I may never meet in person but I know that they will pop up to cheer me on or help me out.

So, I say to you, fellow writers, though our craft involves a lot of alone time, there is no need to be lonely. Don’t waste too much time on Twitter, but definitely use it to connect with like-minded writers who can help inspire, encourage, and uplift you.

How not to be a lonely writer:

Get a critique partner: Ideally, one that lives locally so that you can meet up and have writing sessions and talk through ideas and of course, critique one another’s work
Get on Twitter and share your woes
Attend writing workshops, meetups, talks, classes, and events
Join Facebook groups with other writers
Put out an ad or share on social media “looking for other local writers” and go for a coffee with them

The writing community is there. The writing community can be the difference between loneliness and unity; between failure and success in this daunting industry. Reach out, speak up, and share. You’re not alone. We’re never alone.

Thank you, again, Writing Community for helping me develop as a writer this year. Let’s see what 2019 has in store…

Break It Down – Goal Setting for 2019

I’ve been super excited about setting my goals and intentions (and wishes) for 2019 already, but I know that for some, goal setting can be really difficult. It’s normal to feel a little anxiety (or a lot, as I’ve experienced some years), or even depression at this time of year. It’s daunting. It’s overwhelming. Time is going so fast and it’s out of our control.

But there is one thing that we can control: what we do with our time.

Now, as a big goal-setting advocate, I want to encourage you to do it for 2019, but do it right. This year and the year before, instead of listing a bunch of things I wanted to do (and inevitably not doing them), I wrote what I wanted to feel instead. What I wanted to manifest for myself.

And it worked really well. There was less pressure, and I ticked everything off.

I said things like:

I want to feel healthier
More confident
More knowledgeable
More creative

And I achieved all of those things. I’d taken steps towards big goals, but what was important in the end was how I felt. I’d grown. I’d developed. It was the best thing I could have asked for.

 

For those of us who are big goal-setters or intentional living experts, we may want to take this further, though. So, this year, I will be saying how I want to feel, but I’ll also be writing a list of things I’d like to do.

It’s important to say to yourself that this list is important to you, but not that it is the “be all and end all” – that just causes stress and disappointment in yourself.

Have fun with this list, saying things like:

I’d like to join a club
I’d like to go to the theatre
I’d like to dye my hair a new colour
I’d like to read a book in a new genre

Play around with ideas and write your list in a way that’s not demanding or stressful, but instead gets you excited to start ticking them off.

 

Then when it comes to progressive goals, BREAK THEM DOWN. Do not give yourself these massive goals and tasks that just make you whimper every time you look at the list. Instead, break them down into manageable chunks.

For example, next year I’d like to get a literary agent to represent me. Anyone in the industry will know that this is no easy venture. So, instead of putting “get an agent” on my list, which will really scare me and probably go unticked, I’ll put “query to a minimum of 10 agents“.

Or I could break it down further: research agents -> write a list of agents -> develop my query -> query to 10 agents and so on…

 

Breaking your big goals or intentions down into actionable steps or manageable chunks will make it easier for you to see the path to success. It will leave you with very little excuses as to why it can’t be achieved. And it will help you keep ticking things off throughout the year, feeling as though you are accomplishing things and being encouraged to keep going because of it.

If you want to write a book, say: come up with a storyline -> research -> outline -> write an opening…

If you want to run a race, say: work out every day -> fix my diet -> join a class or club -> get a running buddy -> time my runs -> sign up for a run…

If you want to start a business, say: mindmap my interests -> research -> plan and plot ideas for a business -> research businesses like that -> figure out my finances -> save money with a budgeting plan -> get a venue or site -> draw people to the venue or site etc…

 

Or break your year’s goals down by months or seasons/quarters. In spring, my aim is… In summer my aim is… In autumn…Winter…

This breaks them down and spreads them out, too. And instead of setting big scary goals or huge long lists, you can take smaller things to do in the first quarter, then other things for the quarter after that and so on. You can then move anything you didn’t get done onto the next quarter’s list.

But it’s up to you.

It’s hard because some people like to go with the flow of life, while others are more strict with themselves. I’d just like to see some more people living with intention. This means being neither laid-back or strict, but just aware of what you’re doing and what you want and living your life accordingly.

Ask yourself this before deciding on what to pursue in 2019:

What changes would I like to see?
How would I like to feel?
How can I challenge myself this year?
What have I always dreamed of but always put off doing?
If there was no chance of failure or rejection or limitation, what would I do?
What can I not let continue in my life anymore?
How can I develop mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually?

 

Get specific. People fail when they’re not specific about what they want. Don’t write down “I want to improve my fitness“. Instead, write “I want to learn ten new yoga poses“, “I want to be able to run 5K“, “I want to lose 10kg“, or something more specific which is a real, attainable goal. You can say, “I want to feel fitter and healthier” but for a goal to work towards, you need to use specific language.

 

After all is said and done; after all the ideas and mind maps and questions are answered, do yourself a favour and keep it simple. You can have lots of behind the scenes pursuits or goals or actions, but always remember to have one simple focus that’s key and sets the tone for your year.

There’s a lot that I want to achieve and areas I want to grow in, but ultimately it all comes down to one key focus – WRITING.

Writing my books
Writing for clients
Creative writing
Writing growth
Writing rejection and lessons
The writing community
The industry know-how and updates
Genre, voice, tone, audience: the craft as a whole
And reading largely to develop myself and my writing

 

All of my purists and goals and actions can be summarised into that one focus – Writing. And knowing that makes everything easier. It makes decisions easier, because I know to do things in aid of that one goal. It makes focusing and priorities easier. It makes me feel less pressure.

And in terms of how I ultimately want to feel come the end of next year – I want to feel like a real, knowledgeable, confident writer.

So, what are your goals? How do you want to feel? Jot it down, get excited, make it happen! Good luck!

Why Newt Scamander is the Best (Popular) Hero Out Now

I hope anyone who reads my blog and is a fantasy writer has already watched Fantastic Beasts and has seen the new one this month! I had mixed feelings about the new film, but in general, Newt and the beasts were…fantastic! (See what I did there?)

But why do I think that Newt Scamander is one of the best new male heroes that we’ve seen in a while? Let’s discuss…

He’s not confident in an obvious way

Anyone who has watched FB will know that Newt is very awkward and quite socially inept. He’s not the speech giving, rally behind him in battle kind of hero and that’s what I love about him.

JK Rowling has written a new kind of hero, one that has a quiet confidence. One that knows his stuff and just does what is right, without boasting, yelling, or showing off.

Harry wasn’t like this either, but Harry was very courageous and ran headlong into battle because of his bravery. But as a Hufflepuff rather than a Gryffindor, Newt isn’t courageous and duty-bound in this way. He’s loyal and loving and good, and that’s what makes him heroic.

He’s better with animals than people

Newt may not do too well with people, but he is brilliant with animals. Throughout the films, you see him struggling with eye contact and speaking effectively with humans. I absolutely love this. Whatever the reason for his social awkwardness, I think it’s simply just important to show that yes a hero can be like this and still save the day.

(As someone with social anxiety myself, I appreciate this message).

There are so many little boys and girls who will grow up thinking that they can’t be the hero because they’re not muscular, brave, dutiful, confident, a leader, straight, white, or American (but we won’t get too political here). 

Instead with Newt, there’s a little more hope. His character sends the message that it doesn’t matter if you stutter and fear and waver, what matters is that you are good-hearted and true to yourself. 

Animals are more trustworthy. Humans can betray, confuse, hurt, twist, and use you. Animals most likely won’t, though. It’s easy to see why Newt prefers them!

He does what’s needed for the good

As I’ve already mentioned, Newt’s reason for being tied up in the story at all is purely based on his being a good guy. He’s only in America because he’s returning the Thunderbird to its home. All the awesomeness that happens afterwards is because he’s dragged into the thick of things.

He doesn’t get involved because he has to, because he’s dutiful, because he’s a protector, because he’s a saviour, because he’s powerful, because he’s brave or anything else. He’s just a good person who is put in a position where he must help because it is the right thing to do.

Simple.

He “simply asks if a thing is right…” – Dumbledore

He’s lovely, kind, honest

There are no games with Newt. Everything is laid out on the table with him; no aspects of who he is hidden for any reason. He doesn’t share his life and the details with many people, but that’s simply because he’s not a people-person. He doesn’t hide details for any nefarious reasons at all.

When asked something or just conversing, Newt is honest, no matter how weird or somewhat mean it sounds. If you have toilet paper stuck to your shoe, he’ll tell you. If you have snot on your nose, he’ll tell you! Straightforward people can be hard to have as friends, but in the end, they’re the ones you can trust the most.

I love that fact that he shows that kindness and honesty and truth can be a superpower that sets you aside from the rest.

He’s in awe of the world

Newt’s mind is beautiful. The way he thinks is unseen by other major heroes in fantasy stories. Not only is he intelligent, but he is also analytical, genuine, out-of-the-box, and flavourful. He has that “away with the fairies” look to him that I just eat up! You can always bet that Newt will have an interesting, unique answer to any problem he encounters.

Teaching young people to view the world a little differently and not be afraid to think outside the box and make your own path is just so needed today.

He’s a man who feels

Particularly in the first film, we see that Newt is a man with big emotions. He is emotionally connected to animals which is so wonderful to see. Male heroes can often come across as these muscular, brave, no feelings types who can run the danger of portraying toxic masculinity. But Newt goes against that.

He doesn’t act typically brave or “manly”. He stands up and fights for and with his creatures, to whom he loves dearly. He tears up when expressing his feelings for Tina, whilst stumbling over his words and being noticeably affected by her presence – not some flirtatious, confident ladies man like many other action heroes.

His bond with Jacob is also particularly notable. His obvious sorrow over Jacob being Obliviated is beautiful and heart-warming.

Plus, can I just say that his bow tie, vest, and the long dapper coat is the new hero’s costume that children will be wearing! *heart eyes!*

 

There are a great many reasons why I love Newt Scamander, but I’d be here forever repeating myself and geeking-out if I explained them all! I just feel like he is the hero that the world wants and needs to see. Especially for the younger audiences who need to see that it’s ok not to be like the outdated, typical superhero. 

Even though this new franchise may have flaws and many, MANY questions with it, I’m just happy and excited to see more of Newt being Newt with his wonderful, fantastic beasts.

Careful with the Grind

I’m sure that any ambitious person out there has heard these phrases:

You’ve got to grind for success.

You must hustle hard.

Work, work, work!

Hustle, hustle, hustle!

But are these phrases really what we need to hear when pursuing our goals? Is “hustling” really the best way to achieve success?

 

I think not.

 

These phrases, this mindset, is toxic. It encourages working too much. Waking early and staying up late. Not enjoying leisure time or time with family and friends. It says that not doing the above means you’re lazy or not hard-working or not dedicated to your dream/vision.

 

Bull crunky!

 

The way I see it, this is not the key to success. If it was, all successful people would reach their idea of success and be totally worn out by the time they got there. They would be exhausted, angry, bitter, fatigued, unmotivated, lacking in interests, and creatively done.

 

Does that sound like success to you?

 

Would you rather meet success feeling excited, fulfilled, passionate, and well? Or feeling tired, done-in, and frustrated?

 

Now don’t get me wrong. I 100% believe that working hard and staying dedicated to your goal is the key to success. What I don’t believe is that everything else in your life should be put on hold whilst you pursue success.

 

If you only concentrate on your pursuits, you’ll find that your relationships will be affected. Your happiness affected. Your health affected. Life isn’t supposed to be about one thing, especially not one thing that involves arduous work, trials, and pursuits.

 

Stress is a very real thing. A very real thing that can completely cripple us (quite literally) if we’re not careful. I think it’s totally backwards to only look after yourself once you’ve had a breakdown, have to see a doctor, can’t get out of bed, or are suffering from chronic headaches, fatigue, and lack of interest in things.

 

Instead, we should be ahead of things and avoiding stress by practising balance and mental health awareness whilst on the road to success.

 

Which sounds better? Someone who dedicates their life from the age of 18-35 towards their business idea or book idea or whatever, never going out, never taking breaks, never knowing the shows on Netflix, and never venturing in love. Or someone who spends 70% of their time towards their goals, whilst also taking some time in the evening to watch a show with their partner on the couch, or going for a drink with their friends on the weekend?

 

I think the latter.

 

It’s funny because some of the people who use the phrases “hustle hard” and “grind” are also the ones who jump on the mental health bandwagon, at times. But anyone who really cares about advocating for mental health would never use these phrases, unless they’re saying, “hustle hard on self-care!” (which is true, but sounds ridiculous).

 

If you’re telling young people, desperate people, passionate people, ambitious people, that the only way to success is through hustling and sacrifice, you are telling them to set aside their relationships, leisure time, and health. You’re saying that watching TV is going to mean that they fail.

 

Yes, you probably will fail if you watch TV instead of doing your work towards your goals for the day, and binge watching a whole season of a show. But if you watch one show, once, you will not fail! You will not die! You can still reach success!

 

For example, I wrote a book whilst I was in college. This is a big fantasy book, that was written whilst I was still studying. Did it take hard work? Yes. Did it take sacrifices? Yes. Did I hustle hard and never have fun in order to write it? No.

 

I watched TV. I went out with my friends. I tried my hand at love. I read books. I worked out. I spent time with family. AND THE BOOK STILL GOT WRITTEN AND PUBLISHED AND MARKETED.

 

There is a lot you can achieve when you are dedicated, passionate, and focused. There is a lot you can achieve when you are clear on what you want. There is a lot you can achieve when you are fit and healthy (sound of mind and body) whenever you are working.

 

So, why are the influencers and leaders of the world not shouting out about that? They should be telling people that looking after yourself, in whichever way you need to, is the key to success because a healthy person works better than a stressed one!

 

Here’s some better, healthier advice:

Time management and organisation is the key to success

Dedication, passion, and committment is the key to success

Smart working is the key to success

Learning from your mistakes is the key to success

Perseverance is the key to success

Thought-out, actionable goals are the key to success

Priorities and focusing is the key to success

Good overall health is the key to success

Remove the “hustle” and “grind” from your vocabulary. Trust me, they don’t matter as much as the aforementioned statements do. Hustling like crazy without a plan, management, vision, passion, love, dedication, happiness, loved ones, and health does not a successful person make. So get that idea out of your head; it just doesn’t matter.

 

Working longer doesn’t mean you are working better. Work smart, take meaningful, well-informed steps towards your goals (with a healthy, working mind) and you will become successful. If the man who carries a rock on his back up the mountain, walking day and night, better than the man who works at set times to build the vehicle that will transport the rock up the mountain for him? (Not my best analogy, but you get the idea!)

 

If you’re stressed, think about your views concerning the pursuit of success. If you are ambitious but not happy, think about what else is going on in your life. If there’s nothing, then that’s what you need to fix.

 

Put your health first, and I promise you will be strong, focused, and well-equipped to deal with the arduous road to success.

Fleshing Out Your Characters: Cheat Sheet

List of character traits:

Funny guy
Hopeless romantic
Neurotic
Clumsy
Tired
Genius
Know-it-all
Angry
Jealous
Sad
Loner
Hero
Brave
Sleepy
Fool
Orangiser
Sporty
Adventurer
Reader
Curious
Helper
Arrogant
Leader

List of character occupations:

Baker
Doctor
Scientist
Detective
Policeman
Firefighter
Vet
War hero
Interior Designer
Architect
Criminal
Entrepreneur
Librarian
Writer
Journalist
Game designer
Athlete
Fisherman
Farmer
Government
Gardener
Builder
Inventor
Pottery
Photographer
Banker
Receptionist
Blacksmith
Apothecary
Nurse
Electrician
Teacher
Dancer
Artist
Film Maker
Advocate
Zookeeper
Nutritionist
Healer
Guru

List of character skills/ interests:

Writing
Painting
Singing
Running
Jumping
Knitting
Rapping
Reading
Acting
Drawing
Animation
Swimming
Shooting
Driving
Fishing
Gardening
Photography
Experiments
Animal care
Music
Sports

List of character/relationship/plot tropes:

Forbidden love
Love triangle
Estranged parents
Misfit
Self-made family
Sibling rivalry
Cloud Cuckoolander
Brotherhood
Sisterhood
Betrayal
Bad upbringing
Twisted fate
Chosen one
Grudges
Given purpose
Sidekick
Unexpected love or friendship

List of Motivations/Goals:

Revenge
Find purpose
Seek truth
Missing person
Find love
Lost love
Hate
Redemption
Challenge self
Friendship
Family
Money
Honour
Fulfilment
Meaning
Save the world
Change the world
End the world
Rule the world
Knowledge
Excitement

List of physical appearances:

Tattoos
Glasses
Ethnicity and complexion
Height
Weight
Clothing style: fashionable, chic, basic, gothic, punk, skater, farmer, whimsical, sporty, provocative, futuristic, Victorian, Medieval…
Scars
Limp
Mismatched eyes (heterochromia)
Extremely tall
Extremely short
Chins
Jewellery
Bruises or cuts
Burn marks
Beauty spot
Freckles
Beard
Missing limb(s)
Wheelchair
Walking stick

List of go-to emotions/reactions (in most situations):

Happy
Sad
Angry
Jealous
Bitter
Hateful
Uncomfortable
Nonchalant
Laidback
Brave
Excited
Scared
Tired or bored
Curious
Reserved

List of other considerations:

Language
Accent
Quirks: playing with their hair, chewing a toothpick, one trouser leg rolled up, calling everyone “mate”
Backstory/ history
How they do things: make friends, talk, study, work, act in relationships, shop, eat, walk, dance etc.

What My Panic Attack Taught Me

I had a (small) panic attack Sunday night. I was crying, sweating, thinking a million things at once, breathing rapidly, and shaking. My chest was tight. I felt out of control. And it wasn’t nice. It wasn’t fun. I hadn’t had a panic in a while, so I did beat myself up for it having happened.

But, I wanted to write about why it happened, what it meant, and how I’m moving forwards (in the hope that it may help some of you, too).

 

How I got myself out of panic:

Got out of bed, went to the bathroom, washed my face, told myself I was OK, I would be OK
I got out my journal and wrote out the thoughts and fears that had led to the panic attack and kept overwhelming me – then tackled them
I read – for distraction, another world, solace, all the things

 

What caused the panic attack?

Trying to do too much, in a nutshell. Even when we think we’re being productive, or even when we think we’re doing what’s best for us, sometimes we’re not. I advocate for mental health and I speak about intentional living and best life and growth all the time. But this can become an obsession if you’re not careful. If you’re not careful, you try to do too much in order to get that “best life” and you break down.

This is what I think happened to me.

 

I’m trying to find certain clients for my business; I’m trying to do NaNoWri Mo (write 50k words in a month); I’m doing my blog and podcast; I’m trying to read more; I’m trying to get back into a yoga routine; I’m trying to educate myself; have good social relationships; be there for others; grow within myself… and it gets to be too much.

There’s only so much a person can do.

And then there’s the big one…I’ve been focusing on the wrong things. Negative things. For instance, my sister has been considering doing some pretty big travel plans next year. Instead of being happy for her and asking about it, I straight away focus on my lack of bravery or whatever and get jealous. I then get angry.

 

And what for? Yes, she wants to live in another country and devote her time to travel and being a camp/leisure activity leader, which is amazing, but is that something I actually want to do myself? No! I love to travel and I want to see as much of the world as possible, and I think I will try to live abroad at some point in the right country, but I don’t want to do what she’s doing. It’s not my dream or goal, at least not right now.

So why the hell do I bother getting myself worked up about it?

Why do I take my eyes off my own goals and start to rethink my choices?!?!?!?!

The same goes for my friends or family members who mention university, or have just graduated, or are starting their course this year. I immediately start to get jealous and think “What have I done? I should have finished uni! I should go back! What course should I do? Or how can I pretty much study without going back to university?”

WHAT THE HELL?!

I quit for a reason. Whether or not I go back and finish is a bridge I’ll cross when I come to it, or a decision for the future, but I will not be going back just because I’m jealous of other people or worried to the point of going back. I will only go back and study in that way if I feel excited to do it; if there is a course or a career opportunity that pushes me to do it.

 

I don’t believe in doing things because you’re afraid to do anything else. Or doing things “just because”. Or doing things because you’re running away from something (usually your dream), not towards something.

So, why waste time and energy worrying about it? Wasting time even considering a path that doesn’t feel exciting or right for me (at least not now)? I know what I want. I know (at least roughly) what I have to do to get it. So why take my eyes off that goal and pursue (or consider) someone else’s goals?

 

The same has been true about knowledge. I get really worked up about my knowledge sometimes. I get annoyed that I don’t know a lot about science, maths, our world, politics, in-depth history, geography and so on.

But the thing is, I’m not alone! Many of us don’t. Unless we have a keen interest in these fields, we sometimes lack the knowledge about them. And that’s OK! We can’t know everything. There are not enough hours in the day to learn about every subject area, and work, and play, and breathe!

 

So why do I beat myself up or try to cram time in my day for things that don’t actually interest me? Instead, I should set my ego aside and just ask questions when someone says something I don’t understand. Or look something up in the moment. Be curious. But don’t focus too much time on things that don’t matter for you.

 

I know I’m a worrier. I’m an overthinker. I’m a jealous person. A comparing person. But this can’t be what I allow myself to do too often, otherwise, I will constantly fall down because I tripped myself up.

 

What did my panic attack teach me?

Stop overthinking self-development and trying to do too much to grow
Time management is key
Balance
You can’t please everyone, not even yourself
STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS; STOP LOOKING AT THEIR GOALS
When in doubt, just read, bro
Know yourself and what you want, and just do your best to be true to that
Things take time
Self-development should be an everlasting process, not an end destination
Reminder : you’re only 23 years old, your life isn’t supposed to be all worked out
It’s OK to make mistakes as long as you learn from them and get back up to try again

Writer’s Life

We all know the hashtag but what does it really mean? Long days? Late nights? Overactive brains? Distraction constantly? Tiredness and fatigue? Turning everyone into characters? Everything into plot?

Well, being a writer means you’re nearly always busy doing one thing or another. Drafting, plotting, editing, revising, restructuring, line editing, researching, pitching, querying, developing, reading, or stressing!

But don’t forget about the other parts of the writing life – living. Any good, healthy writer will also know how to live. Work-life balance is important for us, too, even though we work from home and work on our novels constantly.

Take care of yourself. Take time away from the laptop, notebook and manuscript. Be with our partner, family, or pets. Get out of the house. Have a day where you don’t open up the document.

Trust me, it only helps. You may feel like you’ve wasted time but you haven’t, you’ve gained it because you’ll be in better form when you come back to your screen, and not be a stressed-out mess who only produces poor writing that needs scrapping later!

Breathe.

Learn to relax and turn off.

Ways to be a good, healthy writer (and human):

Play video games
Read a book
Go to the cinema
Go on a date
Watch a film, or two, or three
Binge your favourite show
Nap
Go for a walk
Experience new things
Work out
Get outside
Travel
Have a bath
Meet up with a friend

These things will be good for your inspiration, motivation, physical health, mental health, focus, social life, balance, and so much more. If you want to be a good writer, then these things will only help.

They will enrich your life, give you a healthy balance, and actually inspire new ideas!

The #writerslife needn’t be only about the words on the page.