S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 71

Mother’s Day Story Submissions

I’M LOOKING FOR POSTS!

In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I’m looking for posts (short or long) about how your mother has supported you in your life, been there in tough moments, or inspired you to be better.

Also, if you’re a mother, share how it’s been for you as a parent. Trials, successes, all the stuff!

Let’s thank mothers, celebrate them, and be great ones ourselves!

Submissions for all of March.

Email me at authorsrcrawford@gmail.com or Contact me here with a pitch or an article ready for submission.

Mother’s Day

I’M LOOKING FOR POSTS!

In the spirit of Mother’s Day, I’m looking for posts (short or long) about how your mother has supported you in your life, been there in tough moments, or inspired you to be better.

Also, if you’re a mother, share how it’s been for you as a parent. Trials, successes, all the stuff!

Let’s thank mothers, celebrate them, and be great ones ourselves!

Submissions for all of March.

Contact me here with a pitch or an article ready for submission.

Other Things to Study As A Writer

We all know the obvious subjects for study if you aim to be a writer: English, Literature, Language, and Creative Writing. There are also the more specific ones, like Journalism, Marketing, and Screenwriting.

But what other areas of study could we benefit from? What could enhance our writing and creation of ideas in ways these other subjects may not? Here’s my list:

History

This one is perhaps one of the more obvious choices. Studying history gives us insights into how societies are created and changed. How empires and civilisations work and how they fall. All about politics, world leaders, change-makers, rule-breakers, creators, wars, conflict and conflict resolution, belief systems, and so much more.

History is the documentation of life in times gone by. You don’t have to only study history if you aim to write Historical Fiction or the like. Instead, history can enrich the worlds we create and the ways they operate, making them more realistic.

 

Philosophy

Philosophy, at least to me, is both an art form and a science. It’s all about asking why and never truly accepting a definitive answer to your own question. As maddening as that may be, philosophy has always been fascinating to me. Perhaps the reason for this is because this is what writers do all the time. We come up with a character or plot that asks a question and then we go about finding that answer, often not in ways we expect.

So, by studying or brushing up on philosophical theories and perspectives, we get comfortable with asking why and exploring it. We bring depth to our stories, learn how to implement meaning artfully, and explore the biggest, most important part of the human condition: who are we really and what is the meaning of life?

 

Psychology

I chose to study psychology at university level firstly because I thought I wanted to be a psychiatrist and help people. I still want to help people, but now I’m starting to realise that I wanted to study this subject for a different reason: I wanted to understand people.

Psychology is many things and there’s a lot of layers to this subject because humans and their minds are no easy thing to tackle. However, stripped down to the fundamentals, it is all about understanding people.

Why we are who we are, how that affects us on a daily basis, what shapes us as we go through life, and how we can be broken by life. Coming to understand these things better will help you to craft realistic and deep stories about seemingly real characters in real situations that have a real effect on them that readers can relate to.

 

Mythology

I’m a big fan of Greek mythology, Roman mythology, and stories from other cultures. When studying these myths, legends, folklore, and tales from all over the world across all of time, we find that there are themes from these stories that have been implemented into new stories over and over again.

People may think that J.K. Rowling invented the Hippogriff creature; when in reality, it was already a mythical beast from Greek (I think) mythology.

So, if you are writing fantasy (like I do) then you cannot skip out on learning about the myths that have shaped cultures and stories for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s not just the creatures; it is the storylines, the magic, the heroes, and the beliefs that are all special and notable in storytelling to this day.

 

Film and TV

It should be no surprise or revelation that films and television shows are stories. They’re not consumed in the written form, but once upon a time, they were just text on a script. Even if they were never written down, films and TV shows are still special and not to be dismissed for what they bring to the art of storytelling. Yes, it’s done in a different way to novels, blog posts, or poetry, but it is beautiful storytelling and worth your time.

Whether you take a course and decide to analyse some films for yourself, I promise you that you will find benefit from exploring these stories. Who are the characters, how do they interact, what do they want, how do they go about getting it, and what’s in their way?

I loved studying Film when I was 16-18, and I will forever analyse and appreciate film and TV at a higher level than the average consumer – and you should too! As storytellers, we should be dissecting stories in all formats, for they each have something to teach us. Plus, inspiration can always be found this way, let’s not forget.

 

Science

Again, this should be an obvious one. Studying science (no matter which science) can help us to understand our world and how it works on a scientific level. Knowing these things helps to enrich our world-building, keeping it logical and helping it to make sense. Not only that, but it can help to give depth to the intelligence of your characters if you yourself know the ins and outs of science as a whole.

Set yourself apart from the crowd, by showing extensive knowledge about things like Chemistry, Physics, and Biology. Allow yourself the option of being able to explore elements of life that those who don’t know science wouldn’t be able to do.

 

Anthropology

Anthropology is the study of human cultures and societies and their development. From this definition, it should be obvious what benefits us writers can get from studying such a subject.

Understanding how humans band together, develop beliefs and values and norms, and how we adapt and evolve over time is crucial to cultivating a realistic world and narrative in our novels. We can come to appreciate and understand human behaviour and what we need to be a unit; what belonging feels like and why it’s important. This is the foundation of a society, a club, or any other group of people; remember that.

 

Sociology

Lastly, there’s sociology. Similar to anthropology, sociology is the study of the development, structure, and functioning of human society. This includes relationships, interactions, identity, culture, and more. These are important for the same reasons as studying anthropology: understanding how we band together as humans can help to enrich your storytelling, relationship dynamics, world-building, and characters.

 

So get a book, take a course, attend a class, or watch some awesome YouTubers talk about these subjects because I promise you, each of these has enhanced my work in ways I didn’t expect or value until later on. They will bring realism, understanding, depth, structure, meaning, nuance, creativity, magic, and more to your work without you even meaning to.

Trust me, you’ll thank me later!

Guest Blog Posts Wanted!

Are you a mental health, lifestyle, or personal development blogger? Do you want to write a piece for my site? Would you like to do a guest blog exchange? Here’s how!

 

Write a piece less than 1,500 words on mental health or life
It can be a previously published piece, as long as it fits the criteria
You can add your own website and socials as links at the end
You must give the opportunity for me to do the same on your site*

 

Thanks! I look forward to connecting!

Contact me to get this going!

Chasing the Dream

There’s a plethora of advice out there for people who are stuck in a rut, who don’t know what they want to do with their lives, or haven’t found their passion yet.

But where’s the advice for someone like me? Someone who knows, and has always known, who they want to be and what they want to do?

I know what you’re thinking, it’s because it’s very simple: just do that thing!

But what if that thing isn’t an easy thing to do?

If I’d always wanted to be a teacher then that would be different. We all pretty much know what it takes to become a teacher; there’s a blueprint for that career path. You tick off the boxes, get the qualifications and boom, you’re a qualified teacher. All you need to do then is get a job in a school.

But what if you want to be an author? What if that’s the only thing that has been consistent in your life, makes you happy, and all of your skills are in that area? What do I do then?

There’s many other dreams and goals like this, not just those who want to be an author. People who know what they want but the getting it isn’t quite so simple.

There’s no blueprint, qualification, and milestones that say, “yes, upon completion of these things, you will be a successful author!”

It’s not about just writing a good book. Plenty of writers have written great books that haven’t made it to the shelf or aren’t selling well.

So, where’s the advice on what I should do in the meantime? In the time where I’m striving for this dream and goal?

There’s only one piece of advice that is ever given to these kinds of goals: never give up, be consistent, keep going no matter what.

But how? How when I’m broke? When I’m lost and doubting? When I’ve been doing it for years and years with little change or successes? When do you quit? What do you do in the meantime that’s not going to completely suck out your soul?

What, just preserve? Just keep going no matter what? That’s not enough. That’s not comforting.

I consider myself to be a resilient person, but even I grow tired of the constant striving.

Just like everyone else, I need to make a living while “chasing this dream,” and that living is hard to accept, hard to waste time doing, and hard to find in the first place.

I think I just wanted to share my woes about how it feels to chase your dream. Those of you who don’t know what you want to do with your life, remember that you’re not necessarily worse off compared to those of us who do know.

Know that chasing the dream is bloody hard. Hard on a daily basis. I’m lucky to still be young, but many others are older than me with more weight on their shoulders while doing it.

To those people, I say, I see you. You’re strong. You’re admirable. You’re not a failure, a loser, or behind in life. And I hope to all the gods that you finally don’t have to chase anymore at some point soon.

My legs are tired from running this race.

Here’s some advice for chasing the dream:

If it’s something you can’t go a day without thinking about, then yes, you must persevere with it.
Make time to look after yourself. Don’t push yourself to the edge. A healthy body and mind will produce better results than an ill one.
Get advice, mentors, and teachers who are people who actually know what they’re talking about and have been there. Don’t listen to the noise from anyone else.
Make time for living life and enjoying it. Life shouldn’t be all about work and dream chasing and no play. Yes, work hard and show the universe that you want this, but not at the expense of decades lost being too busy for fun, love and laughter.
Have your support system in place. You are going to need support, real emotional-support, over and over again on this path.
Surround yourself with like-minded people, and those on the same path or who appreciate and understand the path. It helps you stay motivated.
Try not to allow mistakes and pitfalls to raise an alarm in your mind meaning you should give up. Every successful person has gone through hard times and times when it looked like they should have quit.
Don’t wait for motivation or inspiration, make it happen. Inspire yourself actively, know yourself and how you work, and be disciplined.
Time management and balance are the key to “having it all” but know that perfection is impossible. Things will slip and slide, don’t be afraid to readjust when necessary.

Good luck, I’m rooting for you.

GUEST POST: Ways to positively improve our body image and self-esteem

Hey everyone, hope you’re well. My name’s Chloe from ChloeChats and today I’m writing about Body Image and Self-esteem. I feel like this is such an important topic and something that many people struggle with.

 

My story:

[image error]Most of my life I’ve struggled with body positivity and I’ve often felt negative about the way I look which then gave me very low self-esteem. At one point in my life for a good 5 or so years (maybe even more…) I would never ever wear anything that would show off my legs. So, if I wore a dress or a skirt, I would wear tights with them. Even if the weather was super warm, I would always put my black tights on – which of course absorbed the heat and most probably made me feel really uncomfortable, but I didn’t care about putting myself through that because there was no way I would have my legs out.

I also wouldn’t wear crop tops either, the thought of my tummy sticking out was the worst. Growing up I always felt like I was ‘fatter’ than most people (like my friends for example) and so, I just wore jeans and tops that would keep me covered – the only bits of skin I had out was my arms and a bit of my chest, I guess, if I was wearing vests or tops that were V-necks etc. However, I look back now and I know I was not ‘fat’ at all, probably far from it but that’s how negative I felt about myself.

 

The only time this wasn’t the case was when I went on holiday abroad, it was far too hot for me to not wear dresses/shorts/skirts without tights, but of course, I still felt super insecure whenever I was on holiday and had to walk around showing off my legs.

 

This only really changed for me last year, as it was the first Summer in England that I went outside wearing dresses without tights. If you’re not from the UK, last year we had a very hot Summer – something we’re definitely not used to! But with that, it meant that it was probably too dangerous for me to wear clothes that covered me up fully, I probably would have gotten too warm and could have ended up harming myself or potentially collapsed.

As I didn’t have many dresses that I liked – because I never saw the need to wear them – I did a little shopping spree and bought some nice dresses. When they all arrived, I started to wear them out and about, I’d go to the supermarket in them and yes, of course, I felt very insecure to begin with, but I started to realise something. When I was out and about, no one stared at me, no one said anything to me, no one cared? I started to enjoy wearing them, and I actually felt good in them too.

 

I wouldn’t say I’m a hundred percent confident with my body now, there are still times that I would struggle wearing clothing that may show off more skin. For example, I’ve yet to go to work wearing something that may show my legs and as I sit here and write this I just stopped and started biting my nails – obviously, the thought of it makes me feel nervous. I don’t know if this is just me, but because it’s been a good while since the weather’s been nice enough to wear dresses without tights when it does get to Summer and there’s chances to do it, I actually worry that I’m not going to be confident enough to.

But, I did it before so I’m sure I can do it again.

 

Tips to help improve body image and self-esteem:

Now I’ve spoken about my personal story and fight with body positivity, I wanted to share some tips with you – and maybe in writing this it can inspire me to feel less anxious about it again – so here are some small tips that you can follow to help with body image and self-esteem.

 

#1 Focus on the parts that you do love and feel good about.

I’m sure you all have something that you like about yourself. This could be your smile, your arms, your tummy, or even your toes! When we look into a mirror, we usually look at the parts we don’t like and end up criticising ourselves,; it might be that you’re getting ready for the day and you look in the mirror and think, “these jeans make my legs look so horrible,” but why not focus on the bits you do like?

Maybe that top your wearing is making your figure look the way you want it to, or the heels you have on make your legs look long, or whatever it is that you think looks good on you, talk about that instead! Compliment yourself, it’ll help you feel good about yourself.

 

#2 Learn about the shape of your body.

We all have different body sizes; therefore, all types of clothing will look different on everyone. You might be online shopping and you’ll see a model in a dress that you think suits her really well, but then you’ll try it on and it’ll look different. But, that’s normal! Certain clothes and the way we decide to dress can have such a big impact on how we feel about ourselves. I often find that if I’m dressing up to go out somewhere nice, I feel really good about myself; putting make-up on, dressing up in smart clothes and doing my hair really nice is such a great/fun thing to do when you’re feeling low about yourself.

There’re so many clothes out there that you can pick that will suit your body shape no matter what shape it is. I don’t know about you, but when I’m wearing matching underwear it makes me feel good. I don’t care if no one is going to see it, but for me personally, I feel cute.

 

#3 Take care of your body, keep it healthy.

I can’t not mention body image and self-esteem without talking about this one. Of course, eating healthy and trying to do some sort of exercise in a week is going to be beneficial for your body. I’m not saying for you to do this to ‘change’ the way you look, but it definitely helps make you feel good if you’re keeping yourself healthy.

Although, don’t be cutting out all the treats you love, because I know for sure that eating something that’s probably super unhealthy but tastes so delicious makes me feel good and happy! That said, you can definitely balance it out with food that’s healthy for you, and also balance out chilling and lounging at home with going out for some walks or if you like to go out and run etc.

When I do some exercise or eat a meal that is healthy, it often makes me feel good and positive, but I also feel super happy when I have a takeaway on its way to me also! It’s just about that balance.

 

#4 Beauty is so much more than what you look like.

Beauty is your mind, your personality, your skills and so much more. For an example, if you asked a friend or family member to list what they like about you, they would mention what you look like on the outside but I’m pretty sure they’ll list things about your personality and what you’re good at also. Maybe you should try this for yourself, too; go away now and ask loved ones to list what they like about you, and also make a list for yourself.

Write down what you like about yourself, I’m sure you’ll end up writing a lot more than you thought you would.

 

I hope you enjoyed reading this post and that it has inspired you to do something that will make you feel positive about yourself. If you have any tips as well, then please do let me know, I would love to hear them!

Thank you for reading, you can find me from here:

Links:  Twitter  |  Facebook  |  Instagram  | Bloglovin |  Pinterest  

 

 

The Ultimate Hobby

I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying that you should have three hobbies, one that makes you money, one that keeps you in shape, and one to be creative.

I agree with this and I like the idea of it. However, I think there is one hobby that holds more power and should be something that we all have on our tool belt.

The Ultimate Hobby.

What is the ultimate hobby? Well, that’s up to you, but the ultimate hobby does the following…

Improves you

The ultimate hobby should help you to grow as a person without really trying. It gets your brain or your body (or both) working, and improves you and your life in more ways than one.

Productivity

The ultimate hobby should be something that is productive. Something you can do without any remorse because it’s useful and important. So if you’re not working, you can do this hobby and still feel good about your achievements that day.

Can do no matter your mood

The ultimate hobby will be something that you can do no matter how you feel. Something that you can do while sad, angry, tired, happy, excited, frustrated, whatever!

There’s times when you don’t feel up to certain hobbies because they require so much of you, but not the ultimate hobby!

No matter the weather

The ultimate hobby is doable no matter if it’s raining outside or scorching heat! The ultimate hobby is ready and waiting for you no matter the circumstances.

No matter where you are

And of course, it’s doable no matter where you are in the world, too. Your hobby can come with you and be easy to do wherever you’re stationed.

For me, there’s one clear winner as to the ultimate hobby: Reading.

Reading, you can do wherever, whenever. You don’t need to be in a particular mood because there’s all sorts of books to suit your mood. It’s easy to do, but also productive and helps you to improve.

My sister is working part time at the moment and she’s consistently bored. She doesn’t know what to do with her time.

But me? I’m never bored because I have two ultimate hobbies! Reading and writing.

I can do either no matter my mood or where I am. I can vary how I do them, but they’re always there for me to do at any time of the day.

And trust me, it feels immense. To never truly be bored, never unproductive, never lost or stagnant, that’s just wonderful, isn’t it?

So, get yourself a magic ultimate hobby. One that doesn’t ask much of you, but gives a lot in return.

Ideas for your Ultimate Hobby:

Writing (of any kind)
Reading (of any kind)
Drawing


Learning (of any kind)
Blogging
Podcasts
Video games (not mindless ones!)
Work out
Photography
Cooking

Got any other ideas? Drop them in the comments below and help everyone find their ideal Ultimate Hobby!

You Have No Problems

I’ve heard this many times before. What problems could you have? You should be grateful. You have it easy. You’re 23, living at home with your partner and dog, have a supportive family who let you try for your dream while contributing little financially.

What problems could you possibly have?

And yes, sometimes I put my “problems” into perspective by realising that I have a lot to be grateful for and that many others have it worse.

But that doesn’t mean that anybody gets to come along and make me feel bad for feeling bad.

And I’d never want to do that to someone, either.

All problems are valid. Unless you’re crying about a chipped nail or something minuscule and ultimately not long-lasting, then your problems are valid and I want you to know that.

That doesn’t mean I’m giving you permission to sit in your problems forever because they’re valid. Of course not. But I’m saying that you shouldn’t let anyone tell you off for having a problem, or five.

Valid problems to have:

Tiredness
Stressed
Worried
Feeling lost in life
Out of love
Complicated love
Friend disputes
Told off at work
Under performing at work
Not being recognised at work
Bored at work
Jealousy
Exhaustion
Dissatisfaction
Feeling uncomfortable
Finances
Sadness
Fatigue
Too much to do
Being misunderstood and feeling alone
Loneliness
Missing something or someone
Past experiences having left their mark
Anxiety
Confusion, worry, or hopelessness towards the future
And much more

Do not ever let someone tell you to get over it, man-up, or shut up about your problems. If they are real to you, then they are valid.

Don’t let people tell you their problems are worse and so you can’t feel bad about your own.

Don’t let people make you feel guilty.

Don’t let people make you feel weak or stupid or anything else because of how you feel.

Only you can truly know what hurts or feels wrong and what doesn’t. What is worth the “problem” status and what isn’t.

But never allow yourself to be all consumed by your problems. Don’t lock people out (the right people); let them help you.

Do what you can to take care of yourself and address the problem.

Take care.

Relating to Characters More Than Real People

I love rewatching shows like Community, Friends, How I Met Your Mother, Brooklyn 99, One Day at a Time, Gilmore Girls, and Parks and Recreation for mainly one reason: the characters.

The storyline doesn’t have to be great; it’s the characters that I fall in love with. Characters that I can relate to, get life advice from, and cry real emotional tears for.

Now, I don’t know if it’s an introvert thing, a film/TV lover thing, a social anxiety thing, a writer thing, or just a person-in-a-modern-world thing, but this is me: I relate to fictional characters more than real people. I enjoy the “company” of fictional characters over real people.

And so, as I like to do, I wanted to dissect why this might be.

Here’s why I think that I relate more to characters than real people:

 

Storytelling

I am an author, a novelist. I write stories and create characters all the time. It’s my norm and I love it. Naturally, to be a storyteller, you need to listen to stories. To be able to create characters, you need to see characters displayed in front of you. Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I relate to, enjoy, and admire fictional characters so much. I love seeing how a character can come to life.

 

Nuance and morals

When crafting a story, writers often want to get across certain ideas, morals, and meaning in the narrative. And of course, a narrative is usually based upon characters and their lives. We can all learn things from film and TV shows, especially ones with characters that feel real to us, or who we admire.

Seeing how things pan out for them, helps me to gain insight into my own life and my life choices or the reasons behind each circumstance.

 

Friends I never had

Being the person I am, or maybe just being in the place that I am in my life right know, I have a small number of friends. I don’t really feel like I have people I could turn to in a time of sadness or strife. I have my partner and my family, but not a friend equivalent.

However, the TV characters that I love are like the friends I don’t have. They can keep me company, help me through a crisis, and make me laugh. It may sound sad, but they really do. I think that’s why I love certain shows: the characters are real and they’re there for me when I need them.

 

People like me

I often feel alone in my way of thinking. I often feel like there’s only one of me in the world. Of course, this is completely untrue and dramatic, but I bet I’m not the only one who feels this way at times. However, with the characters and the shows that I love, I’ve found people like me.

They give me hope in the fact that one day I will meet people more like me. People who become close friends of mine, who understand and appreciate me in ways that others haven’t before them.

 

Archetypes and tropes

I’m such a Monica, an Annie Edison, a Lesley Knope, a Lily Aldrin (etc.) If you don’t know, these are main characters from the TV shows listed above and I love each of them; I relate to each of them. I’m not exactly like them. I wouldn’t say that I am such a stickler for rules like Monica, Annie and Lesley, but I do relate to them. I admire and enjoy their characters and their archetypes.

Archetypes are “a typical example of a certain person or thing.” So, this would be the good girl, the bad boy, the misfit, the loner, the athlete, the bookworm, the rebel, the popular girl, the jock, the fool, and so on.

Many shows, books, and films have played around with these archetypes/ character tropes over the years, but if you take a moment, oftentimes most of the main characters in a narrative can be linked to a recognisable archetype.

Again, this relates back to writing for me, and so naturally I enjoy seeing it. But it’s also very interesting to see these archetypes; see how they relate to one another, and see how it affects the narrative. And finding who you like the most and connect to the most is very interesting, too.

 

TV makes sense

Unlike life, TV often has meaning or a nice neat ending. TV is well-thought out and you can track a logical pattern of events. But life doesn’t work in quite the same way. It’s often confusing and scary and just plain awful.

I think I relate to characters and narratives so much more than real life people because yes, they make more sense. Their reasoning, their thoughts, their behaviours can be analysed and understood, even if you don’t agree with what they do. I can’t say the same for real people, at times.

 

Misfits have happy endings

In these shows, the misfits find unlikely friendship groups that become more like their family. I cannot tell you how much I wish this could happen to me! To finally find a place with great people; where I feel comfortable to be me and feel loved and supported and able to have endless shenanigans together!

It’s all very idealistic and perhaps a little infantile, but it’s a nice idea.

 

Answer life questions

As I say, relating to and admiring characters is a great way to also get answers and insights into your own life. If you watch a character who is in a similar predicament to yourself, you can find answers (or at least options) on what to do yourself.

I’m not saying you should base your life decisions on what happens on TV! But we can all admit to seeing some “signs” from what we witness on TV.

 

Understand the world

For me, good writing comes when you can take real life and detail it accurately. To take real emotions and life situations and make people feel the reality of that on the screen or on the page. To create real people, not just characters. To mould real relationships that people admire, and real pain that people feel.

I think that watching these particular TV shows over and over means that they are doing all of the above in the best way. They are taking real life and helping us to understand what it means to live through things (or as people) that we ourselves may never experience firsthand.

Understanding the world and people through a script or the pages of a book is truly special. It’s a level of writing, character creation, and narrative structure that I aim to achieve in my career.

 

Whether you read this post because you’re a writer, a fan of the blog, or just an average Joe like me who loves watching TV, I bet you have had times when you relate to characters more than real people. And ultimately, that is just down to great storytelling and character creation by amazing writers.

So, thank you, writers of the shows listed above for bringing people into my life that I shall never forget.

And to all the writers out there, I hope you can achieve this too one day.

 

Difference in Language: Mental Health

It’s important to note and appreciate the difference in language when speaking about mental health and mental illness. Language is important in all situations, but even more so in this circumstance, as it is in relation to people who are vulnerable. Language can mean the difference between feeling understood and supported, or feeling judged and alone.

 

There is an important difference between “You’re not alone” and “it’s normal“.

These are two common responses when someone talks about their low mental health. However, one says, “I’ve felt it too” and “I’m here for you” and “I believe you“. While the other says, “it’s not that big of a deal” and “get over it“.

Do you see the key but subtle differences here? If someone explains how they’ve been feeling lately, be careful not to dismiss them and make them feel alone by using the wrong language.

Making them feel alone or as if their problems and difficulties don’t matter is a fast track to making it worse and ensuring they feel isolated. Surely you don’t want people to feel this way, right? So, understand what you’re saying and what it really means.

 

The same goes for how we speak about ourselves, and how it can affect how we are perceived and how we feel about ourselves.

For example, I often say, “I’m not good with people” but this is inaccurate.

I believe that my boyfriend is good with people and I’m not, but that’s not true. He’s comfortable around people, but I’m the one who’s good with people, in that I’m understanding, empathetic, emotionally available and good with vulnerability.

So, the more accurate language to use here would be, “I’m not always comfortable around people” or “I feel more comfortable alone or on a one-to-one basis with people.”

 

Why is this important, though?

It’s important to know yourself. It’s important to know what is true and what is not. Many of us, myself included, can fall into the trap of believing something that just isn’t true. And these can be very limiting beliefs. If I kept believing that I wasn’t good with people, then I wouldn’t ever better my social life and my relationships. I’d keep thinking that I could never bond with people. I’d probably never have real friends.

Bad, bad, bad!

 

The same goes for the language we use on others. Subtle differences will determine what others think of you and themselves. Calling someone “bossy” is different to calling someone “assertive“. They will think different things about themselves and have different feelings towards you and your comment, too. People generally don’t like being called bossy, but being assertive is considered an admirable trait.

Get it?

 

To summarise, I believe that we all have a duty to be careful and selective with the language that we use towards others. What we say to them, about them, and in their company can have a lasting effect on how they feel even with very slight differences in language.

When it comes to mental health, we all can contribute to the health of everyone else around us, and of course the health of our own minds. Language is a big driving force in this.

If someone is speaking to you about their mental health, be very intentional about what you say and how it can be perceived.

If you are sharing things about your own health (or life), be careful with what you say, too. Be careful with what you tell yourself and believe about yourself. It will shape who you are, what you do, and how you feel.

The moral of the story, be careful with words for they have power; more than you know.

 

P.s. never use these words when talking about mental health or mental illness:

Crazy
Insane
Stupid
Weak
Loser
Overly sensitive
Weird
Unstable
Dramatic
Calm down
Just chill
And so on…

Also, if you don’t like the language, explain why. And if you don’t like the universe language, you can use something else.