S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 72

Are We Supposed to Hate Work?

There are a great many people who think that they are supposed to hate their work. That “work is work” and therefore it’s not enjoyable; it’s just a sad part of life because we all need money.

But is this true? Is this the right way to think?

People with this mindset upset me. They think that there is no work out there that could bring them joy and happiness and fulfilment. That work is supposed to be “work” and that’s all; that work is never fun.

How awful? How sad?

People who say “if you love your work then you’ll never work a day in your life” are also wrong, though. I love writing, and so I love my job, but it is work. It is hard and tiring and frustrating and draining at times.

But I don’t ever hate it.

There’s a middle ground. You can love your job but it can still be hard at times. There’s a sort of spectrum, I guess.

The aim is not to never get stressed or tired or dislike your job; it’s to not hate it.

Hate is a strong word. If you truly hate what you do, then what you do needs to change. You can’t hate something that you spend the majority of your time doing; that’s just not acceptable.

To enjoy a job and be happy with the work, we needn’t love it EVERY DAY. Instead, it should be the majority of the time. To enjoy (or endure) the stress and struggles of it because it’s “worth it” to us.

I don’t love writing every day. Some days, it’s downright awful. But in the long term, I love the work. I love the effort. I know it’s going to be worth it because the greater goal is important to me, fulfilling to me, beautiful to me, and enjoyable to me. So, that gets me through the harder days.

 

Here’s the spectrum:

HATE YOUR WORK —————-INDIFFERENCE—————- LOVE YOUR WORK

 

If you are at the far left end, and you hate your job, then I’d say this is bad. You should take a look at why you’re doing it, and if there is something else that you could do. Yes, it may take work, education, or difficult life decisions to make these changes, but in the end, not hating your job should be a priority.

If you are at the far right end, and you love your job, that’s amazing! Lucky you. We should all aspire to find something that we love doing, so much so that we go through hard times for it.

If you are indifferent, this isn’t bad or good. However, you may look to set goals and make changes that could help you find a job that you love a little more.

To conclude, are we supposed to hate work? Hell NO!

It is not normal, OK, a part of life, or “just how it is” to hate your job and your work. There’s a vast world out there with millions of job opportunities and work that could be exactly what you’d be good at and love to do on a daily basis.

Your work usually takes up most of your time, so don’t accept something that you hate as an acceptable part of life. It really isn’t. It’ll lead to poor mental health and more. Instead, change can happen. You can find something you love. If you can’t find it, make it happen for yourself.

Good luck, and happy working!

Why Rewatching “Community” Was What I Needed Right Now

Over the last few weeks, I’ve rewatched the comedy show Community which is set in a community college. Seven misfits are brought together in their studies and the show explores their mental health, life choices, identity, relationships, flaws, and futures while on whimsical, ridiculous college-based adventures.

I’ve not been in the best place so far this year, and I think my rewatching Community wasn’t a mistake. It happened for a reason, and here’s why…

 

Dealing with change

A big part of the show’s narrative is dealing with life changes. Dating, pregnancy, marriage, lost friendships, new courses, and more. I know for sure that I am absolutely rubbish at dealing with change, especially unexpected and unplanned change.

Perhaps Community was showing me that dealing with change is important. Leaning on others, embracing the scary, and doing what needs to be done to get through it.

 

Fear-based decisions

There are times when the characters make fear-based decisions and suffer the consequences. Luckily, their friends, or circumstances, help them to realise their mistakes. I don’t want to be someone who makes fear-based decisions, but I know that we all do at times. The lesson here was to not allow it to be something I do too frequently.

 

Self-discovery

Throughout the show, the main characters are discovering themselves and exploring themselves. I think university and college is always a time of self-discovery, but this is often in young people. Seeing it with older students is refreshing because I’m almost 24 myself and knowing that it’s OK and normal to not have your life together at any age helps in times of confusion.

 

Starting over

Each of them is starting their lives over. They are reinventing themselves, allowing themselves to be vulnerable, and trying new things.

It’s scary to basically be starting again in life, and it’s definitely something I can relate to. Seeing them do it, and seeing how it goes, is helpful in reminding me that it’s OK to start again when you need to; even when it is hard.

 

Money

Most of them do not have a lot of money. They make decisions based on what they need, what they want, and what is right; not in regards to money. Of course, I’m not naive. I know that money is important and it allows us to live safely and happily. But it shouldn’t be the only reason we make certain life decisions.

I’m lucky to still live at home with my mother and be able to take risks without worrying about homelessness or supporting a family of my own. Therefore, I should make decisions without money being at the forefront while I am still able to.

 

Misfits finding family

It’s no secret that I’m often alone; I don’t have many friends (definitely no close ones), and I’m a little uncomfortable around others. But I do want people in my life. I want special relationships and people I relate to and love. Seeing this misfit group find family in one another is truly special and one of the things I love about the show.

I want that. I need that. So I must be available and open to it.

 

Following your interests

I love how American universities work because it seems they can choose random courses and modules to study year on year, as long as they major in something. If UK universities were like that, I may have enjoyed it more because I have so many interests.

Watching Community showed me that it’s important to try new things and follow your interests no matter how badly it may go! Trying things out is the only way to know if it’s for you. At this time in my life, perhaps I am in need of some newness.

 

Second Chances

This show shows that second chances are possible and there’s no need to run away and beat yourself up for your past forever. I may have made mistakes or lost my way at times, but there’s no need to dwell on it. I can give myself a second, third, fourth, or a hundred chances as needed.

 

Winger speeches about what’s important

Jeff Winger is a character on the show who gives big wrap-up speeches about friendship, morals, life lessons, and so on. They’re profound and insightful and funny; they’re just the best.

Jeff reminds me that no matter the circumstance, all you have to remember is what is truly important and find comfort in that. Give attention and love to that. I can forget what’s important at times, like making myself feel bad for not having a lot of money or not having what others have. This is, of course, ridiculous and not what truly matters.

 

My love for storytelling

Anyone who has watched Community will know that it plays on the “breaking the fourth wall” of television. The whole conscious of being in a TV show thing. It’s very well done, very clever, and I love it! Seeing it on the screen again has reminded me that I love storytelling of all kinds. I want to learn more about it as a whole.

Developing as a writer and enjoying the process is something I want to dedicate my life to. Community has helped me to remember this, and this will guide me at this transformative, pivotal time in my life.

 

Things work out with friends

And lastly, the main message of the show is that nothing is impossible with friends. That with good friends and support, you can enjoy life, live life, and thrive. You can deal with anything that comes your way.

I need to find my tribe; my support system; my allies in this life. And together, we can get through anything.

 

Thanks, Comunity, for these life lessons that I needed to hear right now. And thank you, Universe, for making me think to rewatch it.

 

Worrying About Depression Returning

If you’ve been depressed before, it’s likely that you’re like me and you worry about becoming depressed again. Time and time again, you over-analyse how you feel and worry that the depression is coming back, or maybe it’s here, or maybe it never left.

Stop. Breathe.

This post is just as much for you as it is for me. Here’s what your pending depression feeling might actually be:

Burnout

I get burnt-out easily. I do this thing where I overwork and overthink and then wonder why I get tired, upset and drained as a result. It’s called burning yourself out.

Doing too much and not taking breaks or taking care of yourself leads to fatigue and stress. When you’re drained and feeling weak, it’s natural to look at the world through a tinted lens. To feel unmotivated, sleepy, and like you just want to do nothing/can’t bring yourself to do anything.

Of course, this is often a symptom of depression but it is not actually depression. Ask yourself, are you burning yourself out too often? Are you giving yourself the care you need?

 

Tiredness

And naturally, the burnout leads to tiredness. I know that when I’m tired, even if I’ve slept well, I feel unlike myself. I’m less excitable, less willing to do things, more touchy, anxious, sad, and over-analytical. Your emotions just flip upside down and go a bit nuts.

Try to get some rest whenever you can and you’ll feel more like yourself soon enough.

 

Sickness

When you’re ill, everything else is harder. Work, sleep, eating, hanging out, everything. So, you can also feel low, weak, and unmotivated and it can be easy to think you’re getting depressed again, but I assure you that when you’re feeling better, your mind will too.

Look after yourself, focus on the actual sickness, and tackle anything else once you’re healthier again.

 

Sadness

We must keep reminding ourselves that it is normal and natural to feel sad at times. With happiness comes sadness; it’s just a part of life. It is possible to feel sad, even really sad for a long time, without it being depression. They are different.

If you’re feeling sad, that’s OK. Realise that it is just a natural human emotion like all the others that will pass.

 

Anxiety

I have social anxiety which means that I often get anxious on a day-to-day basis. With high levels of anxiety, it’s hard to feel in control of yourself and your life. You over-analyse and doubt yourself and beat yourself up. I get it, I do too.

Try not to let the anxiety make you think you’re falling into depression too, though. It’s OK to feel anxious at times and if you suffer from an anxiety disorder, then I hope you seek help for it in order to cope better. Either way, anxiety is unavoidable but it doesn’t have to lead to depression.

 

Fear

Anxiety and fear aren’t the same things, though they are linked. In times of feeling afraid of something, we can start to feel like everything is dark and scary. That we don’t want to carry on or do things. That the fear is just taking over.

This can lead to inaction, self-sabotage, and more which makes us feel low. But learning how to better handle fear and that the fear is only temporary can help you to gain perspective and avoid feeling low.

 

Loneliness

As a writer who works from home, I often feel lonely. I like alone time; I’m introverted and enjoy my own space. However, too much alone time isn’t good for us.

On weeks where I don’t leave the house as much, I can see a noticeable shift in my mood. Being locked up and all alone is a fast-track to a low mood.

But that doesn’t mean you are depressed or going to be, necessarily. It just means you need to get out more! Rejoin society and remember that there’s a world out there that will affect your mood in the best way – often almost instantly.

 

Boredom

Believe it or not, being bored in your life seriously affects your mood. We can feel low, irritable, tired, unmotivated, and frustrated.

These feelings can feel like you’re depressed, and of course, in the long term it can lead to it, but don’t feel that just because you’re bored in your life that it’s not fixable and a sign of depression.

With some adjustments, you can get yourself back on track again. Recognise the boredom and do what needs to be done.

 

Purposeless-ness

Doing work or being in a relationship that feels purposeless (without meaning) can cause you to feel low. If you stay on this track, it can lead to depression, but it isn’t depression just because you feel this way.

Take an honest look at your life and find where it doesn’t feel right or fulfilling, then begin making adjustments. We all need things in our lives that we find purpose from, meaning, and passion. So, include these in your life where possible.

 

Confusion

I’ve had more than my fair share of periods of feeling lost in life. Feeling confused and unsure about yourself or your life is much harder than many think.

It’s OK to be lost; it’s perfectly normal. However, try to put things into perspective. Be fair to yourself at this time in your life. And don’t think about the depression being inevitable due to this time in your life. It won’t last, nothing ever does. You will figure things out and change your life; you are capable and worthy of it.

 

Symptoms of depression can show up in our lives without it actually being depression at all. The things listed here can be signs of what is actually wrong and needs addressing. There’s no need to think that depression has come for you again. You will be OK; and I will be, too.

Try not to give too much energy and worries to the “signs of depression” because otherwise, you may find things that aren’t really there. Instead, as long as you’re looking after yourself and being self-aware, you should be OK.

If you do feel like the depression has come back, though, of course, see your doctor.

My 5 Life Confessions

I’m a bit lazy

I’m hardworking and a trier, this is true. But I’m also lazy. If people ever want to “do things” I often can’t be bothered to. This is why I’m unfit. This is why I’m socially inept (among other reasons). I’d just rather stay sat on the sofa or lying in bed. I help around the house, but it takes a lot of effort for me to do it. I’m productive but from the comfort of a chair!

 

The story of why I left university

I left university because I didn’t want to be there. We can psychoanalyse all the other contributions to my decision to drop out, but the main reason and the reason why I’ve never returned is: I just didn’t want to be there. That’s the truth of it.

I know people who know me have guessed at it. I know I’ve questioned myself, too. But when I really think about it and I’m honest with myself: I just didn’t want to be there.

I’m not too comfortable with being around lots of people. I didn’t join for the social aspect, as I didn’t live at university, party, or join clubs. I didn’t make many real friends while I was there. I felt alone.

I, like many people, don’t enjoy exams, revision, and crammed learning. I didn’t like the fact that I was paying so much to learn from a PowerPoint presentation and essentially teach myself. I just wanted to write my own things instead of doing the work.

And I know that for my big life goals and dreams (of being an author), I do not need a degree. So, if I wasn’t there for the social aspect, I wasn’t there because I needed a certain qualification, and I wasn’t there because I enjoyed that particular method of learning, then why be there?

I didn’t want to be there, simple. (And yes, this is half me admitting this to myself once and for all).

 

I have trust issues

I find it hard to trust people. At times, I don’t even trust my family or my partner as much as I should. It’s not that I think they’ll hurt me, it’s just that I think people are very complicated and sh*t happens. I don’t trust that everyone does what they say they will, feels how they say they feel, or anything else. And so, I find it hard to trust.

 

I’m jealous and insecure

I get jealous of my brother for being much smarter than myself. I get jealous of my sister because she’s very lucky and likeable and charismatic; the same goes for my boyfriend. I get jealous of my friends for having good degrees and making more money than I do. I’m prone to jealousy; I try to combat it, but it isn’t easy.

I also have a long list of insecurities about myself and my life that creep up and manifest in a horrid number of ways, i.e. as jealousy.

 

I’m lost and confused

Most of the time, I don’t really know what I’m doing. Or rather, I know what I’m doing and why, I just don’t know if it’s the right thing to do. I have a lot of self-doubt and worries. I often feel like I’m in a crisis of Self.

To be honest, I don’t know if I’m on the right path, or if I’ve made lots of mistakes, or if I’m completely missing the point altogether. I do not, as they say, have my sh*t together!

 

Things I will never have to “admit” or “confess” because they’re not a dirty, shameful secret:

I have Social Anxiety
I have suffered from Depression 4 times (that I know of and sought help for)
I’m a highly sensitive person
I’m an emotional person
I’m introverted and prefer to be alone

 

Media outlets, stop saying that celebs “admit” or “confess” to mental health issues. It’s not something that needs admitting; it’s not a huge breaking story. It’s not a dirty gossip headline. Just stop. Let’s use the right language to avoid stigma, confusion, shame, isolation, and miseducation.

There’s a lot that we all could “admit” to, but I don’t think we should be so ashamed of our shame. Life, as I say, is complicated; people are complicated. If we all beat ourselves up for being imperfect, making mistakes, or feeling bad things, then we would all be black and blue.

So, let’s skip it.

Love yourself in your entirety, and don’t let anyone prey on your pitfalls. Happy Valentine’s Day!

Ways to Love Yourself This Valentines Day

Self-love should be at the top of all of our to-do lists every day of the year, but in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, here are some tips on how to love yourself this loved-up season.

 

Pamper session

Having a good pamper session is great for a Sunday evening, as part of a weekly routine, or for a special Valentine’s Day treat. Me-time is important for our health, and it’s a great way to look after your body, relax, and treat yo’self!

Ideas for your pamper session this Valentine’s Day:

Facial
Face mask
Nails done
Hair mask
Foot rub
Creams
Massage
Bath: complete with bath bombs, salts, candles, a good book, essential oils, music, and more

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New look

Many people like to start the new year with a new look, but if January wasn’t a good time for you, you could get a new look around Valentine’s Day instead. Whether it’s for a date, a change, for self-confidence, or for health reasons, a new look is always a great idea to get you feeling good.

Ideas for your new look this Valentine’s Day:

Hair cut
New hair colour
Buy some new clothing items
Wear your clothes in a new way
New lipstick colour
Brows done
Nails done
New tattoo

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Favourite food and a film

I don’t know why some people think that staying home and watching a film with some tasty food is “sad.” I’m sorry, but no more of that! We live in a binge-watching culture nowadays, thanks to Netflix. So, it is no longer sad or weird or lazy to stay in and watch a film; it’s the norm.

This Valentine’s Day, love yourself by giving yourself some me-time. The time to sit back and watch a good film or show with your favourite food without any interruptions. Netflix and chill for real *wink face*

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Good work out session

Self-love includes looking after yourself on every level: mental, physical, and spiritual. Working out may seem like a chore for some (ok, probably most of us), but it is very therapeutic and important for all areas of health.

This Valentine’s Day, do yourself a favour and have a good work out session. Mix it up from your normal routine, go with a friend, or push your usual boundaries. By the end of it, you are bound to feel accomplished, energised, and in love with yourself.

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Journal

Some people write in their journal every day (like me) which is something I suggest; however, journalling on occasion is still beneficial. This Valentine’s Day, practice some self-love by reaching for your journal and putting your thoughts and feelings onto the page.

Ideas for journaling this Valentine’s Day:

Gratitude: list some things that you are grateful for in your life; gratitude is a crucial part of a healthy mindset and brilliant for adjusting your perspective and loving yourself and your life again
List of things you love about yourself
List of things you love about your life
Detail your hopes and dreams as if they are promised to you; it feels great

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Speak to a friend

Most of us have probably heard of “Galentine’s Day” which is a name for celebrating Valentine’s Day with your girl friends. However, don’t be under the delusion that it has to be a girls only thing. Don’t think that it’s sad or something that is for those without dates/relationships.

Why can’t you spend Valentine’s Day with your friends and that just be all there is to it? Time with friends or loved ones should be treasured and prioritised for our own health. Socialising, loving and being loved, and having a support system all contributes to a sense of overall wellness. Loneliness can lead to some damaging feelings, so don’t cut yourself off from others.

This Valentine’s Day, pick up the phone and reach out to those you care about and have some fun, show some love, and let yourself be loved on all levels. Even if you don’t meet up, having a phone conversation with someone who means a lot to you this Valentine’s Day could make a world of difference in the livelihood of you both.

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Host a fun night

You don’t need to go to a restaurant or a bar to enjoy this holiday or your life in general. There’s plenty of things to do, no matter your budget or desires. Having plans with good people is important for your health and self-love. Those who love themselves will enjoy their lives, make time for friends, and let loose now and again; so do just that this Valentine’s Day.

Ideas for fun things to do this Valentine’s Day:

Game night
Cinema visit
Film night
Cook a meal for your friends
Golf
Bowling
Laser quest
Air rifle shooting
dirt-bike driving
Obstacle course
Shopping
Something artsy
Funfair
Sports (watch or play)
Escape Room
And more!

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Switch off

In our world today, we are constantly on the go, busy, and using our minds for about a million things at once.

STOP!

This Valentine’s Day, why not switch off? Turn off the phone, the television, the alarm, the noise of the day-to-day life you live. It’s OK to want some peace and quiet, and in fact, it is encouraged. If you have children or other dependents, don’t neglect them, of course; however, try to get even a short space of time to yourself in the quiet.

Ideas to switch off this Valentine’s Day:

Read a good book
Put away your phone
Meditate
Go for a walk
Nap date (this is where you have a nap with someone else)
Have a bath

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Make plans

It’s healthy to have plans; to have things to look forward to. It keeps us excited and feeling like the future is good. Spend this Valentine’s Day making some future plans to ensure this year is the best yet!

Ideas for plans to make this Valentine’s day:

Book a trip
Book your next holiday(s) abroad
Goal setting plans
Events to attend
Concert, show, or speaking events
Plans with friends, colleagues, family, significant other
Classes or courses (or other progression-based activities) planned
Meal prep or cooking plans (like new recipes to try throughout the month)

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There you have it, some ideas on ways to love yourself this Valentine’s Day! Self-love is important for us all, so make it a plan for this lovey-season, and for the rest of your life.

Remember: you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are loved.

Stop Underappreciating Writers!

Books

That book that you will read in a week or a month took years to get to a place that was ready for an agent. Then spent years (at times) with an agent before it got to the publishers. Then years with the publishers before it got to the shelf that got it in front of you.

That author probably worked a long day job, making time for writing that book in their spare time. Sacrificing time with friends and loved ones. Sacrificing sleep and health to get it there to you.

The book wasn’t written in one sitting; nor was it edited once. It went through hundreds of drafts, rewrites, criticism, and edits before being ready.

 

Blogs

That blog post that you read, or the blog that you’re subscribed to, went through years of finding itself and putting out content to a non-existent audience. This writer posted in their lunchtimes, writing from their phone at any spare moments. They reached out to people and got hundreds if not thousands of rejections or worse, were simply ignored.

They tried to keep positive, but inevitably, there were times when they just wanted to quit. Maybe they did quit because they didn’t see how their blog – however great it was – would ever be noticed in a world of constant content and noise. But somehow, they managed to keep writing every week, perhaps every day, facing disappointment and rejection each time.

 

Films

Those films you love came from a writer. Without a writer(s) it would not exist. Whether it was an adaptation from a book or written by a screenplay writer/scriptwriter, the film was once just lines on a page.

Those amazing lines that those amazing actors are saying came from the mind and hard work of a writer who you may never even know the name of, and who got paid significantly less than the actors, director, and producers of the film.

 

Media, Merch, Marketing

That product description that made you buy that jacket was written by a content writer. That website that makes millions of dollars a year was written by writers. That advert, that food packet, that slogan, that film description, that billboard, that poster…all came from writers!

Their work is literally everywhere you turn, yet you never think of the writer who wrote the catchy or interesting thing that you just read. No, you just think of the brand or item or person that’s being sold.

 

Information

Information is passed on through generations due to writers. The history books, the health guides, the rulebooks, the classical literature that shapes our language and mannerisms and understanding of societal changes all came from writers.

Our world is made up of ages of information, and yes there’s word of mouth, but it’s mainly writing that passed it on. Our society, our world, our language, our relationships and connectivity…all comes from a written text that writers, well, wrote!

 

So the next time you underpay a writer, think about this post. The next time you underappreciate a writer’s job, think about this post. The next time you call someone out for “still writing that book” or “not selling many books” or making an error, think about this post. The next time you interrupt a writer and undervalue the work that goes into the craft…well, you know what to do. *wink face*

Writing is a lonely venture. It involves years of rejection, self-doubt, fatigue, longterm projects, criticism, self-editing, scrapped projects, wasted paper, trial and error, being ignored, and having to constantly prove your value. So do us a favour, please, and be more understanding! And if you are a writer yourself, know that you’re not losing as much as you may think.

Ciao!

Time to Talk Day

#TimetoTalk Day 2019:

Talking about my social anxiety and experiences with depression has been one of the most helpful parts of my recovery and coping.

Back when I thought it was this dark secret, it ate at me from the inside. It isolated me. It hurt me. It told me that I would never be enough and never be normal.

Talking to therapists helped me.

Talking to my family helped me.

Talking to friends once I got the courage helped me.

And talking every week online in the hope to help others, helps me, too.

So speak up. Just speak. Even if your voice shakes; even if you don’t really know how to put the words together – speak. Because I promise you, there’s more people out there who will listen than you may think.

And of course, everyone else, get ready to listen. Change is coming in the mental health community and that’s all of our responsibility for we all have minds that need nurturing.

Conversations help to remove the stigma and make talking about the health of our minds normal – as it should be, just as it is for the health of our bodies.

Thank you.

What to Say to Someone Struggling with Their Mental Health

When I say “struggling with mental health,” I don’t just mean “mental illness“, as someone can suffer from poor mental health without having a diagnosed (or diagnosable) illness. Mental Health and Mental Illness are two different things, though linked; much in the same way as Physical Health and Physical Illnesses or Disabilities.

Firstly, there is no rulebook on what to say. The thing is, we’re all different with different experiences and troubles that we’re dealing with, so there’s no one size fits all. However, here is my advice (as someone with Social Anxiety and who has had Depression several times; as an MH advocate; and someone who’s studied Psychology, seen therapists, and ran a support group for Anxiety and Depression).

 

Compassion

The first thing to bear in mind is how you speak to them. Sometimes it isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it. This person is not looking for pity. They’re definitely not looking to be ridiculed. They most likely just need someone to show they care. To listen, and be genuine with them. Show some compassion; it’s hard feeling like you’re not strong within your own mind so be caring in regards to that.

 

Understanding

Say that you don’t understand if you don’t; don’t pretend you do or tell them how they feel. A key part of speaking to someone who is struggling with their mental health is to give them the space to talk to you, not the other way around. Don’t offer up solutions to their problems or an easy fix or pretend that you get it if you don’t.

It’s OK not to understand; it’s worse to pretend that you do.

 

Normal

Don’t brush it off as normal and say they should just “get on with things.” This is one thing I hate. Yes, there is comfort in knowing you’re not alone in how you feel; but it hurts to be told that “it’s nothing, stop moaning” basically. Mental illness is most definitely not “just nothing“. And struggling with your health in any regard is important to note and shouldn’t be brushed aside.

Don’t make them feel weird or abnormal, either. It’s OK not to understand, and it’s good that you don’t brush it off as normal. But be careful not to make a big deal out of it and scare the person. Try not to shame them as this is one of the biggest reasons why people don’t talk about mental health. Let’s remove the stigma by listening and being open, it’s that simple.

Availability

It’s important to say that you’re there to talk when they need you; that they’re not alone. Mental health issues can be very isolating. You feel trapped inside your own mind and it’s dark. Be that light in their darkness.

Don’t act like a therapist or counsellor for them, though. This is not your job and it’s not appropriate. And remember, if you can’t deal with it alone, don’t; you must protect your own mental health, too. There are services that you can call on for help (see below).

 

Support

If you feel your friend or family member is really not doing well, then say you’ll go with them to a doctor. Some people are afraid or worried about seeking help for mental health reasons. This is sad to me, as we wouldn’t ever hesitate to see a doctor for say a bad cough or a pain in our leg; so the same should go for the mind and our emotional health. If your friend feels they need to go, but they’re afraid, then support them in this step.

Where appropriate, you can give advice, if you can, on ways to relax or get relief. If your friend is having a hard time, and so you’ve seen a decline in their mental wellbeing, then help them to find what could be causing it. Things like stress, overworking, relationship problems, low self-esteem, feeling stuck etc. are very normal parts of life, but can have damaging effects on our mental health. If you can give advice and help them to get back on track, then do so.

It could be a nice idea to help to ease their stress, if appropriate. Do some of their work, help with the kids, make some phone calls, and so on to relieve the pressure and tension. Bottom line, be supportive. Support them as they make their changes, or seek help for themselves.

 

Last tips:

Don’t promise to fix it.
Don’t pester them to talk if they feel they can’t.
Don’t suddenly turn your back on them.
Be careful with your wording. No: crazy, mad, weird, silly, insane. More: struggling, trouble, health decline, etc. I even struggle with wording. I think a lot of us do because it’s a new kind of conversation.
Don’t ask leading questions (which puts ideas in their head and words in their mouth). You can ask open questions and then once they’re talking, just let them talk.
DO NOT DIAGNOSE PEOPLE. Even if you are a paraprofessional like me, you are not qualified and it is not right to diagnose someone. Fair enough, you can express that you’re worried about someone and you will support them in seeking advice, but do not label them.
You can suggest helpful activities or remedies that could help them, but don’t promise results or force them or make them feel bad if they don’t do it.
Let’s all stop being so awkward about mental health! Yes, it is hard and it shapes some people’s lives; but it’s no different to any other disabilities or physical ailments. Have conversations, don’t be scared, and stop treating it as something taboo. This only furthers the problem.
There is plenty of advice and resources from mental health and clinical professionals online. If you’re UK-based, check out the NHS website. Or charities like Mind, Heads Together, Samaritans, and more for advice, clinical help and assessments, and alternative therapies or lifestyle adjustments.

 

Have conversations about mental health, please. Whether you know someone suffering or not, having open, honest, natural conversations about mental health helps to change lives, save lives, and remove the stigma. Let’s do better in 2019.

Time to Talk Day 2019

What to Say to Someone with Mental Health Difficulties

When I say “mental health difficulties,” I don’t just mean “mental illness“, as someone can suffer from poor mental health without having a diagnosed (or diagnosable) illness. Mental Health and Mental Illness are two different things, though linked; much in the same way as Physical Health and Physical Illnesses or Disabilities.

Firstly, there is no rulebook on what to say. The thing is, we’re all different with different experiences and troubles that we’re dealing with, so there’s no one size fits all. However, here is my advice (as someone with Social Anxiety and who has had Depression several times; as an MH advocate; and someone who’s studied Psychology, seen therapists, and ran a support group for Anxiety and Depression).

 

Compassion

The first thing to bear in mind is how you speak to them. Sometimes it isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it. This person is not looking for pity. They’re not looking to be ridiculed. They most likely just need someone to show they care. To listen, and be genuine with them. Show some compassion; it’s hard feeling like you’re not strong within your own mind so be caring in regards to that.

 

Understanding

Say that you don’t understand if you don’t; don’t pretend you do or tell them how they feel. A key part of speaking to someone who is struggling with their mental health is to give them the space to talk to you, not the other way around. Don’t offer up solutions to their problems or an easy fix or pretend that you get it if you don’t.

It’s OK not to understand; it’s worse to pretend that you do.

 

Normal

Don’t brush it off as normal and say they should just “get on with things.” This is one thing I hate. Yes, there is comfort in knowing you’re not alone in how you feel; but it hurts to be told that “it’s nothing, stop moaning” basically. Mental illness is most definitely not “just nothing“. And struggling with your health in any regard is important to note and shouldn’t be brushed aside.

Don’t make them feel weird or abnormal, either. It’s OK not to understand, and it’s good that you don’t brush it off as normal. But be careful not to make a big deal out of it and scare the person. Try not to shame them as this is one of the biggest reasons why people don’t talk about mental health. Let’s remove the stigma by listening and being open, it’s that simple.

Availability

It’s important to say that you’re there to talk when they need you; that they’re not alone. Mental health issues can be very isolating. You feel trapped inside your own mind and it’s dark. Be that light in their darkness.

Don’t act like a therapist or counsellor for them, though. This is not your job and it’s not appropriate. And remember, if you can’t deal with it alone, don’t; you must protect your own mental health, too. There are services that you can call on for help (see below).

 

Support

If you feel your friend or family member is really not doing well, then say you’ll go with them to a doctor. Some people are afraid or worried about seeking help for mental health reasons. This is sad to me, as we wouldn’t ever hesitate to see a doctor for say a bad cough or a pain in our leg; so the same should go for the mind and our emotional health. If your friend feels they need to go, but they’re afraid, then support them in this step.

Where appropriate, you can give advice, if you can, on ways to relax or get relief. If your friend is having a hard time, and so you’ve seen a decline in their mental wellbeing, then help them to find what could be causing it. Things like stress, overworking, relationship problems, low self-esteem, feeling stuck etc. are very normal parts of life, but can have damaging effects on our mental health. If you can give advice and help them to get back on track, then do so.

It could be a nice idea to help to ease their stress, if appropriate. Do some of their work, help with the kids, make some phone calls, and so on to relieve the pressure and tension. Bottom line, be supportive. Support them as they make their changes, or seek help for themselves.

 

Last tips:

Don’t promise to fix it.
Don’t pester them to talk if they feel they can’t.
Don’t suddenly turn your back on them.
Don’t ask leading questions (which puts ideas in their head and words in their mouth). You can ask open questions and then once they’re talking, just let them talk.
DO NOT DIAGNOSE PEOPLE. Even if you are a paraprofessional like me, you are not qualified and it is not right to diagnose someone. Fair enough, you can express that you’re worried about someone and you will support them in seeking advice, but do not label them.
You can suggest helpful activities or remedies that could help them, but don’t promise results or force them or make them feel bad if they don’t do it.
Let’s all stop being so awkward about mental health! Yes, it is hard and it shapes some people’s lives; but it’s no different to any other disabilities or physical ailments. Have conversations, don’t be scared, and stop treating it as something taboo. This only furthers the problem.
There is plenty of advice and resources from mental health and clinical professionals online. If you’re UK-based, check out the NHS website. Or charities like Mind, Heads Together, Samaritans, and more for advice, clinical help and assessments, and alternative therapies or lifestyle adjustments.

 

Have conversations about mental health, please. Whether you know someone suffering or not, having open, honest, natural conversations about mental health helps to change lives, save lives, and remove the stigma. Let’s do better in 2019.

Time to Talk Day 2019

List of Alternative Therapies for Mental Health

Traditional therapy may not be for everyone, I know, so here are some alternatives. Some of these are real, recognised forms of therapy to help treat mental illness or better mental health in general; others are therapeutic exercises or activities that many find beneficial to their mental health.

 

Holistic therapy

This is just a term for therapeutic methods for health and healing that includes many aspects of the individual and treatments. It means looking at therapy from many points of view and using a variety of techniques together as an eclectic approach to better health. Think things like Ayurvedic medicine (Ayurveda).

So, when people say holistic healing, they simply mean coming at healing from the perspective of mind, body, and soul. To consider all parts of a person, their health, and their needs to gain relief and wellbeing.

 

Garden therapy/ horticultural therapy

This is where individuals use gardening as a form of therapy. Tending to a garden is beneficial for many reasons. It helps us to get outdoors, be within nature, concentrate on a hands-on task, and reap the rewards time and again. The healing effects of this kind of task have been proven to be wonderful.

 

Destruction therapy

This is basically a form of therapy that involves breaking things! This is particularly useful for those who suffer from anger management difficulties. Also known as Smash Therapy and you can search for Rage Rooms if you are interested in giving it a try. There is no denying the euphoria that you can get from letting your anger out on things that you’re actually allowed to break.

 

Boxing therapy

This one is just as it sounds; it’s practising boxing as a form of therapy. It is more gentle than actual boxing, and you’re not likely to get into a ring with an opponent, but much like destruction therapy, boxing therapy helps us to channel our anger or difficult emotions into something healthier. Getting your rage out on a punchbag can really help you work through difficulties. With a mental health professional present, you can then speak about your emotions when you’re ready.

 

Hypnotherapy

This is a commonly known form of therapy where a practised hypnotherapist will help patients to call upon past, suppressed experiences or emotions and deal with them in a healthy, safe space. They can also help patients by changing their view on experiences or habits, and replacing them with a healthier mindset.

 

Acupuncture

Acupuncture is an ancient Asian technique which uses fine needles (that don’t hurt, I promise) in the skin in certain points on the body. These are thought to be points of energy in the body, and accessing these points with the needles can help to relieve pain, tension, and encourage certain sensations and emotions.

I have had acupuncture myself and it was the most freeing, relaxing experience of my life.

 

Aromatherapy

Aromatherapy is the use of certain scents/smells for healing effects. Using essential oils and plant extracts, aromatherapists (and masseuses etc.) will be able to evoke feelings of calm, sensations of relaxation, and positive emotions in the individual.

 

Massage therapy

Massage therapy uses the benefits of massage to give patients relief from stress, body pain and can aid in the relief from symptoms of anxiety.  Massages aren’t just for getting out knots in our shoulders, they also provide great healing effects for individuals, both mentally and physically.

 

Journaling

Many CBT therapists will suggest Negative-Thought Challenging to their patients. There’s a reason for this: working through your thoughts and challenging their validity can help you to realise that you needn’t feed your thoughts in the first place. Journaling is a way to do this.

I can’t count the number of times I’ve “figured out” what’s going on inside of me by simply journaling about it. It’s a great way to work through bad feelings, discover pent up feelings, and challenge thoughts.

 

Meditation

I shan’t go into this in much detail, as I speak about meditation often on my blog. Meditation is a great source of healing and better mental health as it quiets the mind, stills the body, and awakens the spirit.

See my post here for more.

 

Yoga

Again, I often speak about yoga so I won’t go too much into it. Much like meditation, yoga helps us to use our breath through gentle movements that relax the body, allows energy to flow through us, and quiets the mind – all perfect for relief from stress, anxiety, and depression.

 

Reiki

Reiki is known as “energy healing” because the practitioner will use palm healing or hands-on healing to channel the energy of the universe through their palms into the patient. This is thought to encourage both emotional and physical healing.

I had Reiki massages when I was younger, and the heat and energy from this practice was very relaxing.

 

Mindfulness

Again, see this article for more in-depth explanations on the benefits of mindfulness. Mindfulness is awareness and presentness. It is focus and attention in the present moment, which provides a plethora of healing effects for people, as the mind isn’t busy or stressed in the past or thinking too far into the future.

 

Hydrotherapy

When people say this, they usually mean the use of water-based therapy for relief from pains in the body from injury or arthritis or the like. However, I believe that water activities can be therapeutic in terms of our mental health, too.

Water is relaxing for most; it is gentle and soothing as it gives a lightness to the body. This could be ever so beneficial for people who need to improve their mental health or gain relief from disorders.

 

Reflexology

This is a form of massage that is also known as Zone Therapy. Reflexology involves the application of pressure “to the feet and hands with specific thumb, finger, and hand techniques without the use of oil or lotion.” It is the “gentle manipulation or pressing on certain parts of the foot to produce an effect elsewhere in the body.”

 

Herbal medicines

Linked to holistic healing, herbal medicines are a great way to aid in your overall wellbeing, thus your mental health, too. Herbal remedies can be anything that has derived from plants and is used to treat or prevent any health problems. These can be used in the form of teas, creams, supplements, or liquid drops.

These can be used in the place of more traditional remedies and medicines, like St. John’s Wort, but speak to your doctor if you’re not sure.

 

Spiritual therapy

Also known as Spiritual Counselling, Spiritual Therapy helps patients by targeting their spirituality and spiritual needs. It involves focusing on the “moral, spiritual, and religious influences on behaviour and physical health; the use of spiritual and religious beliefs and values to strengthen the self.”

I don’t know much about it, but it could prove very beneficial for some. Of course, many find comfort and healing in religion and spirituality, so cultivating that for yourself with the help of a professional could be useful for your mental wellbeing.

 

Tai Chi

Tai Chi is an ancient Chinese Martial Art which is used as both a defensive art and as a health benefit. It centres around the philosophy of the forces of Yin and Yang (balance). This gentle art is very much like yoga in that the movements are slow, kind, and intentional with breath, concentration, and trust in the self – all good for mental wellness.

 

Pet therapy

This is a personal favourite! Pet therapy, also known as Animal-assisted therapy, aids in the emotional, cognitive, and social functioning of an individual. Dogs and cats are the most common animals used for pet therapy, where people can experience a sense of happiness and wellbeing from being around these fluffy delights!

Animal-assisted Activities are a more casual form of this, whereas Animal-assisted Therapy is more structured, purposeful sessions.

 

Music therapy

Music therapy is the “use of music and all of its facets—physical, emotional, mental, social, aesthetic, and spiritual—to help clients improve their physical and mental health.” Music therapy “aims to facilitate positive changes in emotional wellbeing and communication through the engagement in live musical interaction between client and therapist.”

We all know that music can influence our emotions, so this is a therapeutic method not to be ruled out.

 

Play/ art therapy

Art therapy or creative therapy involves “the use of creative techniques such as drawing, painting, collage, colouring, or sculpting to help people express themselves artistically and examine the psychological and emotional undertones in their art.”

It is thought that one’s expression through their art can provide insight into emotional distress or difficulties that otherwise wouldn’t/couldn’t present themselves. I believe that creativity is very therapeutic in general, and seeing the results of that art can have euphoric effects.

 

Exercise therapy

It has been known for a while now that exercise (physical activity) can provide benefits for those with anxiety and depression. It is not a known therapeutic practice, but it is on people’s radar, even therapists. So, if you don’t like the more traditional therapies, then exercise therapy may be for you.

It is a way to get a dose of endorphins that increases dopamine and gives you a “high” that makes you feel good. Physical fitness and mental wellness are intrinsically linked, let’s not forget that.

 

*Please note that these are not to be substituted for clinical or professional help if you are suffering or have a diagnosed mental illness. Treatment is key and these may of course help, but I would not want anyone to avoid seeking professional help from a doctor if they were suffering.*

Do you know any more that I haven’t named? Drop them in the comments below to help others. Thank you.