S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 83

“Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a F*ck” Thoughts

This book wasn’t very unique, or life-changing (as the title says) to me, but I loved it all the same. It kind of felt like a long blog post, but I love blog posts that inspire thought and get you thinking about changing your life, which this book did for me.

Here are some thoughts that the book inspired:

It’s OK to reserve your energy for important things (things that are important to you, your way of life, or the people you truly love and care about).
It’s OK to prioritise, and it’s OK if other people aren’t happy with your priorities.
People-pleasing and caring what people think is at the root of all our wasted f*cks and energy, so cut it out.
Your life will work so much better if you stop doing random crap for others that brings you no joy or fulfillment.
It’s OK not to give to people who wouldn’t do the same, people you don’t know, or people who are just takers.
It’s OK to only do what aligns with who you are and what you want instead of giving energy (and sometimes time and money, too) to things that you don’t like, upset you, bother you, or aren’t YOU.
If you don’t care about makeup and fashion; if you don’t care about the latest celebrities; if you don’t care about classical literature; if you don’t care about the latest games or films; whatever it is, if you don’t care about it, that’s OK! Stop giving those f*cks or pretending to; do you, it’s easier and it feels so good!

This is an oversimplification of what the book represents and what I took from it, but giving less f*cks, or as I like to put it, “giving away less of your energy” to non-important things is truly liberating. You will find that it will free up your time for what matters, making your life not only run better, but give you time for manifesting your dreams (for example) which is much better than going to your friend of a friend’s graduation party when you hate parties and don’t know anyone.

These things also help with your mental health, as it’s stressful and exhausting trying to bend over backward to fit in, or please people, or help everyone out. I’m sorry (well, I’m not, as the book says) but it’s not your job to fix or run other people’s lives. It doesn’t make you an arsehole for trying to reserve time and energy for what’s important to you, so do what you need to do for you and your health and your dreams and your passions. Anyone who tries to prevent that is the arsehole, in my opinion!

I used to try to help everyone, be everyone’s hero, and carry everyone. I used to bend over and do whatever others wanted. Well, no more. I have to reserve my f*cks for bettering me and my life from now on…sorry, not sorry.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

“How Africa Changed Me” – Chapter 5

 

Chapter 5

What I Was in For

It seemed it wasn’t OK for me to hide in that back room forever though, where me and my tears could be left in peace. Instead, I had to get up and “bathe,” as they called it. You’d think this would excite me after the long, tiring journey we had just endured, but no and here’s why.

There was no shower, nice bath, or hot water. For health reasons, we were told to be careful with the water – don’t consume it in any form where possible. It’s funny because when I went to get my vaccinations, my doctor turned around and said there was a “national shortage of Hep B vaccines so…sorry, be careful!” Really, that’s what she bloody said! It was mad.

Anyway, it wasn’t the fear of Hep B that got to me. It was the fact that it was freezing and I had to go into a room with no lock and get naked in a strange house in Africa that was filled with my boyfriend’s family; then crouch down in a tub, use the cut-off bottom of a bottle as a bowl, and scoop water out of this huge dish in order to wash myself. Yes, this is how it’s done.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no snob. I come from a low income, single parent household, and I have bathed in sinks and used bowls and bathed with my siblings in the past. And this wasn’t far from what I expected, either. It’s just expecting something and actually doing it are kind of different – and the house was soooo cold. So much for Africa, right. I was a shivering, confused, naked mess. Later, I found out that they had warmed the water using the coil from inside a kettle which hovered into the tub of water! Resourcefulness was something that they had in abundance in Africa – let’s ignore the potential death associated with it, though…

I made the mistake of leaving the bathroom only wearing my towel and with no shoes on. The floor had no carpet so the (lino or tiling) was freezing even against my already dithering body. My boyfriend told me not to walk out in my towel again, as it would seem disrespectful – I hadn’t thought of that, but it made total sense. But I soon learned my lesson anyway. I brought my clothes for the day into the bathroom in order to get changed. I made a point of telling as many people as I could that I was bathing, and even shut the door loudly so that no one would walk in on me – turns out this was simply an invitation for a certain little boy, who moseyed on in whilst I was naked, though. I screamed at him to leave, but he just gave a cheeky grin until his mother came to get him. I also brought flip-flops in with me and a bottle of water so that I could brush my teeth without catching a disease.

Look at me, I’m mastering Africa already!

On the evening of the first day, though, it was really late when we finally ate – I say ate, but I mean that I forced down a few potatoes and some chicken, that’s all. Naturally, we prayed before eating which was foreign to me as an agnostic, and took my off-guard when they announced it because it was said in Shona and I’d already started eating – fool!

After that, my eyelids were becoming heavy, but apparently the evening wasn’t over. Instead, Baba Precious had to explain is way too much detail about plans for travelling to Durban, and the sleeping arrangements that I bet no one listened to. Then, they did something even more foreign to me – they prayed again, then sang, then all prayed aloud whilst standing and we all had to wait for the last person to finish before we could move on. I’m not sure where this practice came from, though. Hold on, let me ask my boyfriend…

He didn’t know! So much for him.

The singing was beautiful and I definitely would have appreciated it more if I hadn’t been so tired from still not sleeping yet after all the travelling. I know people noticed that I didn’t pray aloud, but Patrick and Diana didn’t either so at least it was us pesky British folk and not just me. Finally, someone turned and said to me that I could go to bed and I practically ran! Then, I remembered that I was sharing a room with his nan and his sister, so I felt a little less excited. Plus, I was expected to fall asleep to the chorus of chattering new family members. Uh-oh, I will not be sleeping for the entire trip. Yippee.

END OF DAY ONE.

Being in a Relationship & Mental Health

There is no right way to live your life. If you’re single, it doesn’t mean you’re unlovable or alone. If you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you’re not an independent person. Let go of these ridiculous ideas, firstly.

The only time that being one or the other is bad is if it is affecting your mental health. Firstly, let’s start with being single. If you’re always single, and can’t seem to settle down no matter how many perfectly great people come into your life and show an interest, there may be something off with your mental health. You could be experiencing a fear of commitment. You could be insecure or be suffering from low self-esteem, where you feel you aren’t worthy of being in a relationship or being loved by someone else. You may be experiencing deep-rooted feelings of self-loathing or fear of relationships due to abuse or past experiences.

If so, be honest with yourself.

Ask yourself if you’re single because you want to be (or because the right person hasn’t come along) or because of a more serious reason. If you feel like it may be something more serious, then speak to a friend or speak to a doctor. They will help you to deal with these thoughts, feelings, behaviours, or past experiences in a healthy way. Then, your mental health will be in a stronger position for a potential relationship, should you want one.

Being single can affect your mental health in some common ways, like feeling as though you’re never going to find “the one”, you’re not good enough, or you’re better off alone. These are very negative but are some common feelings and thoughts amongst some single people. But cut it out. On the other hand, some people find themselves to be more independent when single and able to be wholly themselves – this is good. As long as you feel good and honestly intentive about your position, that is positive.

*Please note, also, that if you’re single but you were in a relationship that didn’t work out, you need to accept where you’re at and work on you. Try not to hold on to the past or beat yourself up. You deserve self-love, always, and only through practicing self-love will the right relationship manifest in the right way with the right person.*

On the flipside, being single is good for your mental health for the following reasons. One, you can explore yourself and your desires more freely. Two, you can literally explore the world without having to consult with a partner. And three, you get to put all your wants and needs above all else (within reason). This is not to say that you should want to be single because it’s better than being in a relationship, though! Everyone is different, and of course, life happens in mysterious ways so being single or not isn’t always our choice, is it?! Plus, read on to see what being in a relationship and mental health have to do with each other.

—

If you are in a relationship, it can affect your mental health in many ways. Firstly, the negative (because ending on a positive is always good). You could be in a codependent relationship, where you feel you NEED them to an unhealthy extent. This is referred to as attachment issues and is not healthy for your mind at all to cling to someone, only do what they do, and basically turn into them when in a relationship. A relationship should be about two independent individuals sharing the life experience together. (In my opinion, that’s a healthy relationship).

If you are in a relationship where your partner doesn’t support your dreams and pursuits, you are likely to feel defeated and quit. This is awful. Sometimes people remain in relationships for the pure fear that being alone is worse. Again, this is awful and is no reason to be in a relationship. It’s better to be single and potentially go through some changes and uncertainty and anxiety for a while, in order to set yourself free and open yourself up to goodness and positivity instead. You deserve it.

Of course, there’s the more serious side of things – abuse. Abuse can be emotional, physical, verbal, cyber, sexual, mental, and so on. Abuse isn’t simply hitting a person. If your partner is constantly rude to you, makes you feel low, is saying awful things to you, and forces you to think badly about yourself, then they are abusive. They are blackening your mentality. They are hurting you, without you realising it, by slowly chipping away at your confidence, your personality, and your spirit. This is not OK, and cannot continue. Please end such relationships (with any kind of abuse, big or small) or seek the help you may need to do so.

Another few things to consider about your relationship and your mental health:

Does your partner support your dreams?
Do they encourage you to grow and explore and be more YOU?
Do you even get along? Do you fight too much?
Do your family members and friends like them? Do you cut people off because of your partner?
Do your trust them? Do they trust you?
Does your partner use words like ugly, fat, stupid, boring, weak, loser, or useless on you?
Does your partner make offhand remarks that hurt your feelings, but then say it’s a joke to make it seem OK when it’s not?
Does your partner limit you in any way? Like not leaving the house without them, not wearing what you want to, not doing what you want to do?

If any of these things are sounding negative to you, then please end the relationship, speak to your partner to fix it, or seek help (from friends, family, or professionals).

*Here is a link to an abuse helpline should you need it.*

On the other hand, being in a relationship can be wonderful for your mental health, too. This is through things like supporting your dreams either with their time, energy, money, listening, or advise. Having a partner to lean on in hard times can be really beneficial, and keep you from collapsing in on yourself. Two people tackling the world together can be stronger and better than one. This is not to say that single people can’t take on the world, but we all need help whether that’s from friends or family, too.

Here are a few ways a good, healthy relationship can be beneficial to your mental health:

Partners can make you feel good about yourself with a simple compliment when you really need it.
They can be your shoulder to cry on whenever you need them.
Someone who accepts you in your entirety; someone you can be vulnerable with, naked with, and be unapologetically YOU.
Someone to share your likes, pursuits, travels, dreams, family, and more with.
Someone to build a LIFE with; family, home, lifestyle, travels, business, etc.
Someone to just sit in silence with, or watch boring TV with, or play games with, or cuddle with, just…BE together.
Someone to listen to your incessant ramblings.
Someone to hold your hand as you do you. (I for one don’t like the damsel in distress, prince saving the girl kind of tale. Be your own hero; your partner is just someone who helps remind you now and again that you got this life thing, and you’re doing OK).
Someone who you can look after, too, because it’s a two-way street.
(ANY OF THESE THINGS CAN BE DONE WITH A GOOD FRIEND, REALLY…)

Again, this is not an encouragement to go out and find someone to start a relationship with. I am a firm believer in bettering and strengthening and loving the Self first before entering a relationship. You will never be perfect or ready or DONE when on the path to bettering yourself, but I mean when you focus on you and your dreams, you will be mentally stronger and spiritually aligned with the universe and so you’ll attract the right people to you, as well as be better equipped to be in a loving, giving, wholesome relationship anyway.

So, take care of you, and what will be, will be.

A quick last word will be that whether you’re in a relationship or not, you should care about your mental health. Care about whether your relationship is constantly darkening your mentality. Care about whether being single is something you want or something you feel you are because you’re not in the right mentality. Relationships are HUGE factors that influence our mental health. Therefore, we can’t take them lightly. We can’t go in and out of them without paying attention to who we are letting in and what dirt they are treading through our minds. Be mindful.

Take care, be kind, love yourself.

If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.

If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!

“There’s No Room” – Poem

There’s no room to grow,

Within these four walls.

These hallowed halls,

Ring too loudly

Of the past.

 

There’s no room to breathe,

Among these toxic fumes,

That have been festering,

For years,

Within the minds

Of my family.

 

There’s no room to heal,

When the black clouds do grow,

Casting a shadow that covers

The entirety of our “home”.

 

There’s no room to change,

When everything else

Remains the same.

Everyone else,

Unbending, but altogether

Broken.

 

There’s no room to dream,

When they all push their

Nightmares onto others.

The wrongs overpower the rights,

It seems.

 

There’s no room for flight,

My wings remain crumpled,

And fractured,

Unable to spread wide and beautiful.

Unable to fly and see,

The world for all that it is.

 

There’s no room in this place,

No room for me.

No room for my big dreams,

No room for my progressive moves.

No room for my cleansing attitude.

No room for my bending mind.

No room for my soothing words.

No room. No room. No room.

 

And so, I must leave.

 

I must spread my wings,

And like a bird,

I must seek

A place where I am free.

The perfect environment in which,

To plant my seeds.

And water them I will.

Water them I will.

Until I grow anew.

And then,

Perhaps,

I shall return home.

With a smile and a body,

Too big to fit through the door.

But I’ll peer inside and see,

They’re doing just fine without

Me.

We needed the space to grow,

Each of us.

By leaving, you had more room,

Too.

And so now, the house and the people,

They’re not quite as small as they used to be.

We are tall. We are tall. We are tall.

What Society Thinks of Mental Health

*This is my opinion, taken from my own feelings and experiences and the experiences of people I know who suffer from poor mental health too.*

You should just get over it

Not everyone feels this way, but I’ve heard so many people say that they feel people who suffer from anxiety or depression are simply weak. That they can’t handle their emotions or life in general. “Everyone has bad days, so just move on.”

This isn’t what mental illness is. Anxiety does not equal nervousness. And depression does not equal sadness. I feel that a lack of education about mental health, or a lack of experience with it, would be the only reason why someone would think this way.

It’s not as important as physical health

For me, this is crazy. The thing is, if we care about our mental health more, we will be better equipped to deal with everything else in life, and we will actually be better at looking after our physical health, too. Everything starts in the mind, so, take care of it. Simple.

Mental health = mental illness

When people say mental health, they don’t mean mental illness. Just like when you say physical health, you don’t mean a physical disability. No. Mental health means caring about the state of the mind. Nurturing it, working it, loving it, moulding it. Therefore, mental health is for everyone. Don’t only start caring about mental health once it’s too late and you do suffer from ill mental health.

Mental health practices are for hippies

I’m paraphrasing, but people often think that spirituality or yoga or meditation or mindfulness are hippie dippie techniques. They’re not. Don’t be so closed minded. These things help so many people, ill or otherwise. Ask any successful person in this world, and they’ll tell you that they probably meditate or do yoga or practice some form of spirituality at some point in their week. It helps us stretch the mind, body and spirit and better align them in order to feel stronger and go at life with everything we’ve got. Plus, don’t knock it till you’ve tried it. But if they’re really not for you, there’s so many other ways that you can strength your mind on a regular basis to better your mental health.

Mentally ill people are crazy

Crazy is such an awful word. Yes, some point with extreme mental handicaps can come off are unstable, irrational, or impulsive, but ask yourself who is this worse for? You, or them? They have to live with it. It’s their reality and they didn’t ask for it. So who are you to come along and make things worse by calling them crazy?

Plus, mental health issues or mental illness covers a large umbrella of illnesses and disorders, from the common ones like anxiety and depression, then bipolar disorder or eating disorders, as well as the more severe ones like schizophrenia, disassociation disorders, personality disorders, and more complicated ones that some of us haven’t even heard of.

So no, people with poor mental health aren’t crazy. Not all of them are unstable, in fact the majority aren’t, and the ones who are don’t need your judgment – they have enough to deal with. Why not turn it into support or education or simply mind your own business.

It’s not a priority for children

Luckily, this is changing in some schools, but I for one know that my life may have been different if mental health and well-being was practiced or at least talked about in schools. This would help children grow into healthy adults who are better equipped to deal with life’s lashes. Similarly, if the various mental handicaps that can occur in people were taught in schools, students may be diagnosed sooner, feel less judged, be better understood, and generally live a less stigmatised life.

Education is, after all, everything. It can give so much to us, if only it would give mental health more light…

Thank you for reading. You are a part of this society and so if you make a change in your mindset and better educate yourself about mental health, you will be effectively changing the world for the better for future generations.

So, please do…

I Now Have a Lifestyle Podcast!

Hey guys, I now have a podcast called “What I Know So Far”, where I talk about bettering your life, your mindset, and your mental health. If that interests you, then check it out here on Anchor (soon to be available elsewhere, too). Thanks!

What I Know So Far podcast by Siana-Rose Crawford 

Remind Yourself That You’re Enough

I know that my mental health weakens when I compare myself to others, get jealous of others, fail or fall short, or don’t do “enough”.

Well, the best way to combat this is to remind yourself that you’re enough. Remind yourself of the awesomeness that you’ve already achieved or seen or experienced.

We can feel like we’re not enough when things aren’t happening right now, but we forget that we had a great experience or achieved something great a year ago or a month ago. Stop being so against yourself. You’re amazing. You’ve done great things, and great things are yet to come…

Remind yourself monthly or every weekly of what you’ve achieved. Of where you’ve been and what you’ve done. Remind yourself that your life as a whole isn’t as bad as you think, just because right now it isn’t sunshine and rainbows.

Let go of expectations. Let go of comparison.

The best way to do that is to not go on social media. I’m trying to start my day by not looking at my phone right away, otherwise I know I’ll probably see someone doing great things on social media and it will make me feel crap and then it’ll set the wrong tone for my day. So you need to not do this, too.

Have a constant list of great things about yourself. A list of achievements. A list of things that make you feel good. And regularly look over this list. I have a “sad times” book that I go to when I feel down and it’s full of quotes that make me feel good, lists of things I’ve overcome and achieved and like about myself, and generally all feel good things. It’s a way to effortlessly remind myself with my own words that I’m okay, I’m good, I’m enough.

Let go. Let it be. Trust in the course of life.

So, if you’re feeling low, remind yourself of what’s real about you and your life. Remember that you’re not alone, not as lost as you think, and not a failure or disappointment. Remind yourself that you’re enough, you’re on a path to something, and growing pains do hurt but it’s a part of the process of growth.

Breathe. Laugh. Live.

Big Fat List of Self-Love & Mental Health Strengthening Techniques

Exercise regularly
Yoga practice (however and whichever works for you)
Meditation (again, however and whenever works for you; sitting in quiet is all you need to do)
Eat well
Watch your favourite show
Favourite film
Read
Read your favourite book
Stretch
Plants and nature (in your home, workplace, garden etc)
Get outside
Go for walks
Good music
Dance like crazy
Baths
Aromatherapy
Plenty of water
Journal
Problem solving
Reflection
Communicate
So what you WANT to do
Don’t try to fix others
Focus on you
Quit comparisons
Clean up
Declutter your space
Redecorate
Nap
Affirmations
Go for a destination-less drive
Be creative
Mindfulness practice (be in the now)
Work on setting exciting goals or desires
Socialise with good people
Play a game
Turn off your phone
Turn off notifications from social media; avoid scrolling through
Make a change; stop moaning, take action for a better, healthier life
Help others (without losing yourself or giving too much)
Create something or nurture something
Be with loved ones
Watch inspirational YouTube videos, films, tv shows
Listen to inspirational and motivational and educational podcasts and videos
Focus on feelings you want, less on goals and changing yourself
Speak to a higher being
Write a list of good things about yourself
Write a list of things you like; make sure you do them more

Big Fat List is Self-Love & Mental Health Strengthening Techniques

Exercise regularly
Yoga practice (however and whichever works for you)
Meditation (again, however and whenever works for you; sitting in quiet is all you need to do)
Eat well
Watch your favourite show
Favourite film
Read
Read your favourite book
Stretch
Plants and nature (in your home, workplace, garden etc)
Get outside
Go for walks
Good music
Dance like crazy
Baths
Aromatherapy
Plenty of water
Journal
Problem solving
Reflection
Communicate
So what you WANT to do
Don’t try to fix others
Focus on you
Quit comparisons
Clean up
Declutter your space
Redecorate
Nap
Affirmations
Go for a destination-less drive
Be creative
Mindfulness practice (be in the now)
Work on setting exciting goals or desires
Socialise with good people
Play a game
Turn off your phone
Turn off notifications from social media; avoid scrolling through
Make a change; stop moaning, take action for a better, healthier life
Help others (without losing yourself or giving too much)
Create something or nurture something
Be with loved ones
Watch inspirational YouTube videos, films, tv shows
Listen to inspirational and motivational and educational podcasts and videos
Focus on feelings you want, less on goals and changing yourself
Speak to a higher being
Write a list of good things about yourself
Write a list of things you like; make sure you do them more

Big Fat List of Self-Love & Mental Health Strengthening Techniques

Exercise regularly
Yoga practice (however and whichever works for you)
Meditation (again, however and whenever works for you; sitting in quiet is all you need to do)
Eat well
Watch your favourite show
Favourite film
Read
Read your favourite book
Stretch
Plants and nature (in your home, workplace, garden etc)
Get outside
Breathe deeply
Get a massage or facial; go to the spa
Gratitude journal
Positive thinking; focus on the good, rather than the bad
Appreciate the beauty in the world
Go for walks
Face masks or foot bath
Good music
Travel – anywhere and everywhere; see awesome, life-giving things
Eat your favourite meal
Dance like crazy
Buy some flowers
Baths
Have a hot drink
Aromatherapy; different smells and essential oils help with our emotions
Plenty of water
Journal
Pet an animal
Cook or bake
Problem solving
Reflection time
Save more, spend less; practice minimalism and being less materialistic
Communicate
Go to the cinema
Have a cuddle with someone or a pillow or teddy
So what you WANT to do
Don’t try to fix others
Revamp your environment
DIY
Focus on you
Get something done that you’ve been putting off

Quit comparisons
Clean up
Do your nails, get a haircut, trim your brows, exfoliate, moisturise, etc.
Declutter your space
Redecorate
Nap
Affirmations
Go for a destination-less drive
Be creative
Mindfulness practice (be in the now)
Work on setting exciting goals or desires
Socialise with good people
Play a game
Challenge yourself in a positive way
Turn off your phone
Turn off notifications from social media; avoid scrolling through
Make a change; stop moaning, take action for a better, healthier life
Help others (without losing yourself or giving too much)
Create something or nurture something
Be with loved ones
Watch inspirational YouTube videos, films, tv shows
Listen to inspirational and motivational and educational podcasts and videos
Focus on feelings you want, less on goals and changing yourself
Speak to a higher being
Write a list of good things about yourself
Write a list of things you like; make sure you do them more
Make yourself look good, for you
Follow inspiring people
Learn something new
Try something new
Do a mentally stimulating activity
Do a physical activity