S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 85

Remote Working and Freelancing Sucks!

Most people who work a job they hate, or work a 9-5 stuck to a desk, have probably once dreamt of working remotely (away from an office). But as a new remote worker (freelancer), I’m here to say it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. Here’s why this way of working isn’t always so perfect:

People in the house

When you work remotely, you often start from home. But don’t do it! It’s so hard and crappy for so many reasons. One, people. If you don’t live alone, and sometimes there’s people in the house with you, they will distract you.

My sister is a shift worker and my mom is a teacher, and so there’s times when they’re in the house in the daytime. And it super sucks! They’re so annoying. For them, it’s free time. They’re doing errands, chores, or having fun. But that effects you, someone who’s meant to be working – and they just don’t get that.

Or a lonely “home office”

On the other hand, it’s not all that great if you live alone or don’t have people in the house during the day. It can get lonely. Perhaps your partner goes off to work every morning, and you’re left behind. It can feel really isolating and loud with absence. I’m good at being alone; I like working alone, but still the quiet can get to you at times.

Finding a suitable coffee shop

If you’re sensible, you’ll work outside your house, where possible. Whether it’s a cafe, coffee shop, library or other, it’s not going to be as easy as you’d think. Not everyone lives in an accommodating area that’s rife with internet cafes or suitable sitting space.

Plus, some cafes or coffee shops may have time limits on them. Or you could feel pressured to keep buying things so that you can stay, thus spending more than you may like when you’re starting out as a freelancer, like I am.

Other issues are the loud noises, lack of plugs, and lack of work space. You’re lucky if you live in an accommodating area.

“It’s not a real job”

You’re going to have to deal with a lot of naysayers, saying your job isn’t a real one. They will think you’re waking up late and chilling out for most of the day. My mom asks me to do things when I’m in the house, or my sister chats away to me like I’m not busy, just because I’m in the house!

I may be in the house, but I’m working, dude!

Time management

You know you can sleep in, but you know you shouldn’t. No day is a set work day, but neither are any days a no-work day. And so, you need to manage your time well, otherwise you’ll lose out. When you don’t work, you make no money – simple. So, manage your time effectively so that you make your money, as well as live the life you want.

More time, less money

The greatest thing about remote working is that you suddenly have more time. If you manage your time well, you can get more work done in less time and be able to do what you want. However, the case usually is (especially at first) more time and less money.

My friends with full time jobs have more money than me, but less time. I have more time, and less money. It’s so frustrating. This is the case with most beginners freelancers.

Finding your own clients

As a freelancer like me, or simply someone who works for themselves, you’ll have to find your own clients. It’s great when they find you, but don’t bet on this. It’s so difficult to be a nobody and have to prove your worth.

Also, there’s the whole finding your niche, your interests, your ideal client. It would be amazing to work for someone who you actually like, or produce content for them that you enjoy doing. Finding that client will be hard, and getting paid suitably for it will be even harder.

Making a lifestyle

For me, working as a freelancer was all about developing a lifestyle that works for me. I wanted time to work when I wanted, write when I wanted, read when I wanted, work out when I wanted, have fun when I wanted, and so on. It was all about control and freedom to be me.

But making a lifestyle this way isn’t easy. Having all this time to work with is kind of daunting. Making a routine for yourself that works for you, your family, your work, your progression, and your leisure is so tough and very frustrating.

“Work” is hard

For a lot of us, especially beginners, work will be so much more than it was on the 9-5. Yes, there’s more freedom and flexibility (hence why we decided to do it) but there’s much more groundwork to be done. You have to email often, meet new clients, complete briefs, do invoices, manage multiple clients, track time spent on work, track time spent on research, track time spent on revisions, find new clients, do sample work, blog, website update, feed your mind, and more.

Of course, it all depends on what work you’re doing and how you’re doing it, but you’re your own boss, so everything falls onto you. Whatever you don’t do, doesn’t get done.

And work for me, as a writer, is so much more than just writing what a client told me to write. That’s what I’m paid for at the moment, but as a writer “work” also means reading, blogging, researching, book writing, book editing, proofreading and more. But no everyone gets that, and that’s something you’ve also got to manage.

You become a recluse

It’s so easy when you’re a remote worker to never go outside. You never have to talk to anyone. No more awkward encounters with colleagues. This is great for anti-social people or loners (kind of like me) but it’s bad. Don’t become a recluse. Try to meet up with people around their work, or make friends who are also remote workers so you can meet up now and again to work together.

Plus, don’t fall into the trap of working everyday in your PJs or joggers! Get up, shower, get dressed and do your hair. Remember that you’re a person, who should look as such no matter where you’re working for the day.

What to charge

As a freelancers or remote worker, you may have to set your own rates. This is awful!! Charge too much, and you lose the client; charge too little, and you’re a fool. It’s so difficult to determine your worth, the project difficulty, and what would be reasonable to charge. And oftentimes, you will say different things to different clients. It’s just awful.

In truth, being a freelancer is great. I love the time. I love the freedom. I love the rewarding feeling of knowing I’ve been paid for something that I made happen. And working to my schedule rocks.

There’s a lot to suddenly do and take care of when you’re a freelancer, though. I’ve yet to find comfort in the new lifestyle – comfort meaning a nice routine, a steady pay, great clients in areas of interest, and more. However, this new lifestyle has been very rewarding so far. I’ve been able to write nearly a whole book in just over a month because of this. I’ve been paid for writing whilst not being an actual employee. I’ve proved my worth. I’ve blogged like crazy (as you can see). And I’ve explored myself.

I think you should try it, but know that it’s not all sunshine and rainbows!

My Feelings About the Wolf Run

So yesterday, I completed the Spring Wolf Run. For those of you who don’t know, the Wolf Run is a 10k obstacle run, featuring a lot of mud and water and big obstacles. It was torture! Here is what I’ve thought about the whole event from my personal experiences…

Be more prepared

I wasn’t prepared for the Wolf Run. I’d like to say that this was because I was taking it with confidence, or because I was just having fun so it didn’t matter if I was physically prepared.

But no.

I had other things going on in my life at the time, which took priority. Going to the gym or working out, just weren’t at the top of my to-do list. And that was fine, it made sense, but I should have made more time. I should have worked out more. I was ill-prepared, and that ruined things for the others.

Go at your pace

However, I had to go at my own pace. I pushed myself so much, I hope they all realised that, but I couldn’t run for very long. I was fine with the obstacles – I can push my muscles – it was my heart and lungs that couldn’t do it. So with running, yeah, I couldn’t do it for long at all. It did what I could, I pushed myself, but I tried to remember that all I could do was go at my pace.

Have fun

It would have been more fun if I was with people of a similar fitness to me, that way we could have gone at the same pace and just had fun. However, my brother, his girlfriend, my partner, and my sister are all much fitter than I am. Therefore, I held them back. Seeing as it is a team effort, you can only go as fast as your slowest person. And so, they were as fast as me! That made me feel so guilt again and again throughout the run, taking the fun away at times.

But, we still had so much fun on the obstacles, and in the mud. It was fun to fall and slip and get so dirty. Do it with good people, and it’s a great time.

Show up

There were so many times when I thought about dropping out. My sister’s friend had wanted to do it, too, and I kept thinking about dropping out and saying that she could go in my stead. I was so close to doing that.

But I didn’t.

I showed up.

I was aching, terrified, and ill-prepared, but I showed up and I did it – that’s worth so much.

Don’t quit

You’re going to hurt and ache and struggle, in the Wolf Run and in life, but you have to keep going. I just kept telling myself,”keep going, don’t stop.” I said that with every step, I was getting closer to the end. Stopping or overthinking the water obstacles, would only prolong the pain. Instead, don’t quit and dive in and keep on moving however fast you can. Even if you crawl, you’ll get there eventually.

Get a little dirty

You can’t have a good life without getting a little dirty and achy. Trust me. The best things involve a bit of craziness. I loved how dirty we got doing the Wolf Run. It made me feel like a kid again. Find that feeling, and hold on to it.

Prove yourself wrong (and maybe some others, too)

I didn’t think that I could do it, but I did it. I’ve actually done a lot in the last few years that I never thought I could. Smashing those things, and proving myself wrong, was amazing. It’s accomplishments that give us a euphoric feeling like no other, so prove yourself wrong time and time again.

Tell the story

At the end, you have a story to tell. By doing fun, challenging things, you become a storyteller and it’s brilliant. I can talk about my troubling runs, the slips and slides, the mud (oh, the mud), the water (and having to swim because I’m so small), and the bleeding fingers, and the mud dribbling out of my sports bra when I tore it off. It’s great to have stories, so do interesting things.

Will I do it again? Yeah, probably (provided it’s the summer one!) but I’m glad to be able to say that I have done it. I freaking did it!! Do the Wolf Run, guys, or a task like it. It’s a brilliant experience, no matter who you are or how fast you go.

Book Review: Children of Blood and Bone

I just finished reading Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi this morning, and I had to post a review because of how excited I was about it before reading it.

However, it wasn’t all that I wanted it to be. Here’s why…

*MILD SPOILERS MAY BE IN THIS POST – BEWARE!*

The Bad

Characters were boring:

I find myself saying this a lot. For some reason, a book’s plot can be epic, filled with awesome ideas, but then the characters that the story is meant to follow are just poor. The same rang true for CBB. Sadly, Zelie was flat for me. I liked her to begin with, which was great, but then she became like most YA fantasy heroines: just a whiny, I’m-powerful-no-I’m-not-yes-I-am type.

Now, anyone who has read my fantasy series, The Eternity Series, may think that Letti is like this. And she is, at first. But I’d like to think she’s more playful and has an actual personality compared to some heroines I’ve read. Plus, even if the heroine isn’t working, I at least want to like another character. But no! In CBB, I didn’t like any of the characters. They were all flat, in my opinion. I’m sorry, Tomi Adeyemi!

The magic fell flat

Just like the characters, the magical elements in the book fell short as time went on. For some reason, the introductions to magic were awesome but then it became very meh. They did introduce new people who had new abilities and this was cool, but it wasn’t good enough. It wasn’t awesome enough. It was a lot of talking, and very little ‘wow awesome magical stuff!‘

Unbelievable, forced love

Maybe I’m a bit harsh, but the couplings are rubbish! They were obvious. I mean, I knew that they’d come, for every YA fantasy seems to do this – including my own. But the love wasn’t great. It’s not like I was rooting for any of them to fall in love. In fact, I was hoping that Zelie would fall out of love! It was bluh! (I know I’m using sounds rather than words, but sometimes that works for me, OK!)

It’s just one minute there was nothing, then there seemed like a lot. And I didn’t feel like the characters had been through enough, or flirted, or admired, or whatever, enough for the word ‘love’ to even be used. Yet it was. And that didn’t work for me.

Flippy, floppy resolve

Now this one I did hesitate about writing in the bad section. I might contradict myself in the next section and explain why it did work for me. But the change in resolve did annoy me a bit.

I didn’t like that certain characters wanted something with all their heart one minute, then was completely against it the next, and then wanted it again. My favourite characters – ones like the Harry Potter cast, Percy Jackson cast, Naruto, Ichigo, Luffy (anime characters) – all had something very strong that was unwavering, and that was their resolve. I love the idea of a resolve that burns bright inside a character and doesn’t relent. So, maybe that’s why it didn’t work for me.

The Good

I always try to end on a positive note, so here’s all the good things about the book…

Change in resolve

As I said, I will contradict myself a little. I guess I did like the change in resolve a little as it changed the course of the book. It made things less linear, and more unpredictable. It shows a humanity, I think, to change your mind. Everyone does, really, especially a teenager with such a massive task on their hands.

I don’t know, it was weird. Letti (from The Eternity Series) does change her mind. One minute she thinks someone is bad, the next she decides they’re not. One minute she wants nothing to do with the immortal war, the next she does. So, I get the change in resolve thing. However, once Letti has all the information, her resolve in unwavering in one aspect – she can’t let things go on the way they are; things need to change for the better, and by her hands. I think this would have been nice to see from Zelie in CBB. Even with changing her mind and finding out new information, to see that moment of pure resolve set in would have really worked well.

Magic

Of course, the whole reason why I wanted to read the book is its magic. I liked the unique take on magic that I hadn’t personally seen or read before. It worked very well. I also liked the way the magic was created. The rituals and artifacts were great, very ancient and spiritual and creepy!

African mythology & culture

Another reason why I really wanted to read it was because of the all-black cast and the fact that it was written by a Nigerian woman. Yes, this is important because, sadly, there aren’t many books like this. I loved that Adeyemi wrote about her heritage. I loved reading about African culture. My partner is Zimbabwean, so I loved hearing Baba which is what I call my partner’s father. I loved the clothing, which reminded me of my time in Africa last year; and I loved the language. It was just beautiful, and definitely the strongest thing about the book.

The world creation

I liked the setting Adeyemi had created. I don’t know how much of it was based off Nigeria, or if at all, but I liked the map she created. I liked the lifestyle, weapons, and living situations. I liked the giant animals that they rode. This was something I could tell right away that she drew from Avatar: The Last Airbender, because I did the same! In a lot of anime, too, they ride giant creatures. I later found out that she did actually like Avatar and I found that so cool! It’s awesome to have something in common with an author you’re reading.

Although it was, of course, an issue in the book, I also liked the segregation. The classism. The royals and the peasants, as it were. It’s something that definitely needed to be there and it was an ideal carried strongly throughout the book.

Deities

I love the idea of unique gods. Again, I don’t know if this was taken from Nigerian beliefs, or from her African mythology studies, but I really like the gods she used. There was a god for each magical power, and those gods worked to breath magic into the Diviners. I loved this concept. I loved the idea of the gods, without it being as rigid as religion.

Social issues addressed

The greatest thing about the book is the reason behind why it was written in the first place – to address social issues. This book is so important because, as I said before, it features an all-black cast. It is written by a black woman. It is actually a bestseller, despite those things. That alone is something for the history books because when you type in ‘the best authors in the world’ or ‘bestselling authors’, it’s largely white faces that you see. Or men. But Adeyemi has given something special to us female authors of colour; she has paved the way (along with the likes of Angie Thomas, Zadie Smith, etc).

But the book itself was trying to address the issue of black crime. Adeyemi was trying to show how the way someone looks can mean they are deemed less-than in our world, too. That black people are being killed by people of authority, police, unjustly. Her book shows how real and raw and devastating this is. It’s disgusting. And hopefully, with how popular her book is, and how sought-after her opinion now is, this can change.

—*—

Overall, I liked reading CBB. I wouldn’t have finished reading it if it wasn’t a good book, for I am a firm believer in ‘if you’re not enjoying it, move on.’ It’s a long book and perhaps it could have been shorter, but in general, it worked really well. I am sure that it will pave the way for a great many more books like this. That alone is very special. Well done, Tomi Adeyemi, for a great debut novel, and I look forward to reading the next one!

“How Africa Changed Me” – Chapter 4

Chapter 4

I Can’t Do This

It was so funny when amidst the sea of Zimbabweans flooding toward me, I saw Patrick’s nan (so named Gogo, meaning grandmother in Shona) rushing with open arms, saying “Siana, I love you!” She by-passed her own daughter and grandchildren in order to embrace me! How great is that! She suddenly remembered that she doesn’t know much English, though, before drifting off away from me. Ah well, I got the best greeting so I still win.

We unpacked the car and even though my heart was violently trying to break free from my chest like something from the Alien movie, I went inside the house. The journey there had been fine compared to arriving. The journey is simply a means to an end. There’s still the unknown and anticipation and perhaps even excitement, for normal people anyway. But the arrival is all too…final. “I’m here. I now know what I’m in for and…I feel unsettled.” Was I disappointed? Shocked? Anxious as per usual for no real reason.

The word I settled on in the end was ‘overwhelmed’.

Overwhelmed by the thirty-plus members of Patrick’s family squished into the living room.

Overwhelmed by the smell of food being cooked that I was afraid to eat as a socially anxious, “fussy” eater who was used to British food.

Overwhelmed by the longest journey of my life that I had just endured with little to no rest.

Overwhelmed by the multitude of thoughts swarming my head.

The number of introductions we had to do.

The loud sound of people talking over one another drumming in my ears.

The look of the house that was to be my home.

The idea of sharing a room with Patrick’s nan and sister but not him.

The language I did not know.

The knowledge that this discomfort was going to last two weeks, and I had no control over my situation at all…

Maybe you’re normal and you’re thinking, “Whoa, buddy, chill. You’re in Africa, just enjoy it.” Well if you’re that person, then shut up. I can’t think that way, OK? I just have a literal inability to do so. If you’re abnormal, like me, then hopefully you’re nodding your head and feeling my pain. It’s the latter kind of person who will benefit most from this book, by the way, because if you think like me, you’ll feel like me and hopefully my experiences will touch and inspire you in the same way that they did me.

Don’t get me wrong, though, I didn’t sit there screaming and crying and ignoring people – I was respectful enough to do that in private. Instead, I smiled and hugged people and tried to remember their names, whilst suppressing the need to throw up from anxiety-overload.

There’s something you should understand about Zimbabweans – they don’t go by their birth names if they have children. Instead, they are called Baba Such-and-Such or Amai Such-and-Such, which translates to Father INSERT FIRST BORN’S NAME HERE and Mother INSERT FIRST BORN’S NAME HERE. So, Patrick’s mom is called Amai Patrick and his dad is Baba Patrick. The uncle that we were living with was called Baba Precious because his eldest child was his daughter, Precious.

At first it was very confusing, but then I realised it kind of helped me to know who was tied to who and how. I sort of wished I knew their real names as well, though, because it proved difficult to find them on Facebook afterwards. Shame. When we first arrived, everyone was stuffed into the living room and Patrick’s mom introduced EVERYONE and how they were related. Funny, I was introduced as Patrick’s “friend”. Yeah, 3 years of being just “close friends”, sure…

I was literally falling asleep from exhaustion as Baba Precious then went on and on about sleeping arrangements and…something else. I couldn’t concentrate properly, though; I’m sorry, Baba Precious. It was too much after everything that was going on inside of my head. I just kept thinking, ‘can we talk about this later?’

At the first chance I got, I slipped into the back room to figure out how to contact my mom. Yes, I hadn’t spoken to her or even breathed yet. Oh, and did I mention that we were told there was Wi-Fi…but there was NOT!

World ended.

Lives lost.

Total anarchy and annihilation.

This was definitely the shock of a lifetime for Diana, Patrick’s sister, but all I worried about was having no easy, free way to contact my mom and my family like I’d thought. I had assured all of them that there was Wi-Fi, so I’d be able to message them on WhatsApp whenever I was home – but suddenly it felt as if my leg had been cut off. Patrick’s mom said they’d get Wi-Fi tomorrow and I said I needed to tell my mom that I was safe and they were like “oh yeah” as if it wasn’t a big deal. After a lot of fuss and distractions that did not help to calm me at all, I ended up borrowing one of his cousin’s phones to call my mom on WhatsApp using her data.

The call didn’t work several times and I was on the brink of tears. How could the universe do this to me? I just needed my mom, was that so much to ask for? Finally, I heard my mom’s voice. It’d only been a day and a bit, but already I missed her so much. It seems we take our mothers for granted more than we realise. When they’re no longer easily accessible, we can crumble – no matter our age.

And crumble I did.

Piece by piece, I feel apart in that small back room in South Africa, worrying my boyfriend so much that he grabbed hold of me in an attempt at savouring my broken exterior. I tried not to, I swear. Of course, I didn’t want to worry my mom when we both knew full-well that there was nothing she could do to “save me.” It’s crazy but somehow, I wanted her to say that it was OK to do what I was thinking of doing.

Go home.

I know you’re screaming at the page, incredulous that I’d even consider running home after I’d gone all that way. Or maybe you’re like me and you completely understand my thinking.

However, my mom did not allow me to come home. She did say these things, though:

That she should have warned me about the conditions and she was so sorry.

That I needed to breathe and recognise that it was just “arrival panic.”

That I had Patrick and so I’d be OK.

That I could go to a hotel if I needed to.

And that I needed to do at least a week, otherwise I’d hate myself.

Little did she know that I hated myself already. Deeply. I didn’t tell her this, though; instead I said:

What was I thinking?

I was so stupid to come here.

Why did I come here?

I’ve tried so goddamn hard so why do I still have to feel this way?

I hate this.

I’m not cut out for this.

I’m overwhelmed. It’s too much.

I can’t do this…

Now, before you judge me or stop reading because you hate whiny, foolish narrators – let me refer you back to the start of the book. I said I was:

Anxious
Depressed
Introverted
A loser
In my early twenties

And so in case you didn’t know, that means:

I lack confidence in myself
I have a darkened view of myself and the world
I feel like a misfit
I hate social situations
I do not thrive in social situations
I am so used to failure that I feel it’s imminent
I lack life experience

This isn’t my excuse for all my whining, instead an explanation – yes, they’re different. And I truly believe that a lot of people reading this are the same as me, and therefore it’d be an injustice to pretend that the events of that moment had gone any other way.

So yes, I broke down because a lot of who I am caused me to panic in that situation. Funny, though, I did stay. I cried and still shook when I hung up that phone but I stayed. I didn’t retreat to any of the “safety” ideas that my mom proposed or my mind conjured up, instead I stayed. It was still hard and I kept counting down the days until I would return home (at first) but I stayed.

I stayed. I stayed.

It turns out I could do this. Despite my list of personal inabilities… I freakin’ did it.

The Secret to Success in All Areas of Life

…is P-ing all over the place.

That’s right, p-ing. You need to focus on and harness these Ps in life and you will never go wrong

Persistence – the only way to win is to keep on going. The water cuts through the rock with persistence above all else.

Patience – with persistence comes patience. Your journey won’t always be clear and there will be scary times, hard times. But patience in the journey will take you further than the rest. Good things take time.

Perseverance- in life, and definitely in the pursuit of your dreams, you’re going to face setbacks. There will be a lot of punches and kicks trying to stop you and beat you down. You can’t let this keep you down for long, though. The successful of us have been through some really tough times, but they persevered.

Pride – take pride in your appearance, your heritage, your achievements, your struggles. Walk with your head high and be proud of yourself; celebrate yourself. But never forget to be humble, too.

Power – powerful people make changes in the world and in their lives. The thing is, we forget that we all have power inside us. If you have a vision and a dream, then never forget that you have the power to make it happen. Recognise and harness your inner power. Give it all you’ve got.

Practice – practice makes perfect. Practice is for all of us, even those who think they’re experts. We all need to practice our craft, practice patience and self love, and practice gratitude above all else. Practice will keep us alert, strong, happy, and connected to our goals.

Perfection – to reach perfection, we must let go of the idea that it even exists. Perfection is recognising that you’re imperfect, but that it doesn’t matter. Love yourself in your entirety, work on your weaknesses, but value your strengths. You are perfect the way you are.

Prevention – prevention techniques are a good way to never fall completely flat on your face. Self love is a good example of this. If we have continuous routines of self love and strengthening the mind and body, then when the inevitable pitfalls of life come along, we will be able to remain strong because we’ve prevented our own collapse due to always working on ourselves. We will then be in a stronger state of mind to pick ourselves up and form a new plan.

People – find your people. Successful people, happy people, have good people around them. People who help them, love them as they are, and encourage them to strive to be their best self. Surround yourself with likeminded, goal driven people.

Protection – protect yourself from negativity, wrongdoing, procrastination (a naughty P word), and bigheadedness. Have a bubble around you to swat those bad things away. Don’t let those things seep into you and ruin everything you’ve worked for.

Privacy – keep your personal life and goals private. The most successful people do less talking and more acting on their dreams. Don’t speak about everything on social media. Hold the cards close to your chest.

Pizzazz – life is no good without a little pizzazz. Without magic and beauty, life is dull. The same should go for your life. Actively sprinkle some pizzazz in your life and you’ll never grow bored of it.

Pause – it’s okay and important to take breaks and breathe. Don’t over-exert yourself.

Play – never forget that with hard work comes play. Make time for it. It’s healthy for us to play as well as work hard. Those who only work hard, are bound to fall at some point from fatigue – or worse, they’ll lose friends and realise that in all their hard work, life got left behind. Instead, live and play whilst you’re climbing your mountain.

Pray – it doesn’t have to be to any god. It’s up to you how you want to do it. But the only way to manifest your dreams and wishes is to speak them into existence. Say the words. Ask the universe for its help and guidance. Every step of the way, speak it. What’s next? What’s the next lesson? The next milestone? Seek guidance and protection from a greater force.

Some Ps to avoid:

Pretending – don’t pretend to be someone or something you’re not. Be you. Own where you are and then work to be somewhere else if that’s what you want.

Procrastination – get it done now, stop waiting for tomorrow. There’s no better time than now!

Projection – don’t project your negativity onto others, or let them do it to you.

Popularity – don’t confuse popularity with success. Being popular isn’t necessarily a good thing. Seek respect and happiness over popularity.

Plugging-in – unplug! Live life!

Lil Fat Girl – Poem

“Oh god, have you seen yourself, lately?

You seem to have put on a little

Weight.“

Wait? Have I?

I didn’t notice.

“How could you not notice?

It’s in your face

Your thighs

Your belly

And your ass.“

Now that you’ve told  me,

The fat enters my

Mind.

I’m fat.

Fat.

Fat.

Fat.

When did this happen?

What is this feeling?

That curve and bulge as I sit down,

Do they call it

Muffin top?

Sounds delicious.

But I’m not delicious.

Am I?

“No, you’re too big.

Big isn’t beautiful.

Big is too big to be beautiful.”

Wait.

Not so long ago,

Wasn’t I too thin?

“Yes, but now,

You’re too big.“

How do I win?

“You can’t.”

Am I being punished

For finally eating right?

For finally eating more?

For finally being

Normal?

“Ask your stretch marks,

Those lines that purple and crinkle your skin

Are they normal?

Ask that double chin that puffs up your face

Is that normal?

Ask the jeans that no longer fit

Is that normal?

Huh?

Is it?“

But it’s my body.

“It’s not healthy.”

But I work out.

“It’s not enough.“

But I’m eating vegetables and fruit and variety-

“That’s just not good enough.”

I’m just not good enough.

Not good enough.

Aren’t my curves sexy?

The celebrities, they have

These big asses and breasts and thighs

Don’t I look like them now?

“No.

How could you?

You can only be sexy if

Your waist and face are small,

Whilst the rest is

Big.

You can’t be big all over,

Silly.“

Silly me.

Should I chisel at my waist,

Crave up my face?

Squeeze and push until

I fit into your template?

Your stencil?

“No, lil fat girl, stop.

We don’t want your imperfections here.

Fat is all you can be.

When was the last time,

That you went to the gym?

Put yourself on display,

In front of those judgemental,

Well-sculpted muscle-heads?

Watch as they pose for 

Instagram

And remember that you don’t

Truly belong there.

Not really.

Because you’re breathless.

Breathless, sweaty, and red.

That’s not attractive.

No one wants to see that.

So, hide away.

And don’t come back again,

Until your clothes become,

A few sizes too small.

Until the scale reads

Zero.“

This poem was written in a stream of consciousness from my own feelings. Once I was too slim, now I’m being told I look too big. I feel stuck in a place where I can’t win. I am working on my body, keeping it fit and healthy. I’m eating better than I ever have, which has added to my weight gain.

I wanted to write this poem to show people that your body is your regardless of its shape or size. As long as you’re healthy, or trying to be, it shouldn’t be your aim to try and impress other people or fit an ideal. Love yourself, always. And to those of you who are constantly judgemental or mean about those who have different bodies to you, shame on you.

 

How Your Prejudice Affects a Person’s Life

We all have prejudices. They stem from our upbringing, influences, and our experiences. From these things, we are kind of “taught” how to act in a certain situation. And this extends to how we treat others, too.

However, how often do we actually consider what our prejudices do to other people. How we make them feel by having these prejudices.

Prejudice is defined as “preconceived opinion that is not based on reason or actual experience”

I think the simple way to put it is “pre-judgement.”

Here’s some examples of how prejudice or pre-judgement works from my point of view:

A person is brought up to believe in the teachings of Christianity. However, they have parents who are a bit strict. The see people outside of their religion as sinners. The child will grow up to believe this, too. They will largely associate with other Christians and believe those without a faith to be bad people. This is forming a prejudice against non-Christians.

Another example is this –

A person has been treated wrongly by a member of a certain race. They were rude or violent or scary. This person then believes that all members of that race must be the same. They see this as fact because they have “experienced it” and therefore they see nothing wrong in their beliefs. However, this is prejudice. They are making a pre-judgement of everyone of a certain race based on one poor situation. It is a gross overgeneralisation.

We know what prejudice is but we don’t know what the effects are on others. How it makes them feel to be the subject of prejudice.

Here’s but a few ways your prejudice affects those on the receiving end of it:

Loss of friends
Lack of opportunities
Lowered job prospects
Lower income
Less relationship opportunities
Racism
Sexism
Homophobia
Violence
Verbal abuse
Treated as less than
Excluded
Mental health issues: anxiety and depression, namely
Less education/unfair treatment in education
Discrimination
Loneliness
Poverty
Limited to one ideal
Stereotypes
Deaths
Incarceration
Unfair and inaccurate portrayals in the media

This is a lot. Imagine if any of these things effected you and your life. It would severely hinder it on a day to day basis, and more often than not, the person or people have no real reason to have such a prejudice against you in the first place.

Sickening, isn’t it?

Something so “small” and quick as a pre-judgment or stereotype can cause incredible harm and hurt to one’s life. Be careful with your thoughts for they become actions and behaviours that affect the world around you. And more importantly, the people of this world.

We are all just human, living our lives in our own way. Be open minded and allow people to live their way. Don’t stop them. Don’t control them. And don’t limit them with your prejudice.

Instead, give everyone a fair chance to demonstrate who they are.

Thank you.

Spring Has Sprung & What That Means For Me

It is the Spring Equinox today, which means spring is here! I think someone needs to tell the weather that, though…

Spring is my favourite time of year because it’s all about rebirth, coming anew, and getting out of that winter slump.

I find that I suffer from SAD in the winter, so I always feel a breath of fresh air once the spring has come. Plus, it’s my birthday in April, so I’m a spring baby!

This spring, I’ve got a few things that I’d like to do, and so I’m sharing with you what Spring 2018 means to me.

Decluttering:

Of course, spring cleaning comes to mind when we think of spring. It is a good idea to clear out your room and work space (especially) when it comes to spring, ensuring your rid your space of the winter clutter it has gathered.

I have already started selling my old, unwanted items on eBay, and every month I will continue to sell things and give things to charity that I’m no longer using.

This is a great way to get into the right headspace for taking on new challenges during the spring and summer months (when people usually feel more motivated).

Lifestyle changes:

I have become a freelance writer full-time now and this means I’ve had a sudden change in lifestyle. I no longer have an office to go to in the mornings, and I suddenly have all this time to myself. As great as it may sound, it comes with its challenges.

This spring, I vow to make this new lifestyle work by finding some awesome coffee shops to work in, libraries, and when the suns out, parks too. I will find more clients, organise myself, and make this work long term.

Cleaner living:

I’ve been very proud of myself lately because I’ve started eating so many new foods. I’ve cut down on the processed foods and takeaways, and this is slowly going to make a massive impact on my health.

This spring, I will try even more awesome foods, and start to eat much cleaner. Not only that, but more cost-effectively, too.

I’d love to find new restaurants to try out.

Writing:

This spring will hopefully inject that much-needed life back into me. This means I will be better motivated to achieve my goals. I have a deadline for the book I’m writing, and hopefully I’ll meet it with help from a productive spring.

Organisation:

Similarly, I want to better organise myself so that I can get things done. This means organising my clients’ projects, my own writing tasks, and time for me and my family.

With the sun coming back, I know the days will feel longer and I plan to fill them up as much as possible!

Get outside:

As a writer and introvert, I’m very good at staying inside. However, this is a habit I need to break. Just because I’m a remote worker, doesn’t mean I should cut myself off from society! There’s some awesome people out there for me to meet, and by being out of the house I know I’ll be more motivated, more productive, and more likely to experience life.

It is healthy for the mind and body for us to soak up the outdoors, and therefore I need to make this an active part of my lifestyle.

Revamping:

The last thing I want to do this spring is revamp. I want to revamp my wardrobe. Revamp my writing. Revamp my sites. Revamp my look. Revamp my mannerisms. And generally just try new things!

I don’t want to be just one person. I think I limit myself a lot by thinking I can’t wear this or that. Or that I can’t learn the way I want to. Or that I must be this and not that.

No!

I will still be me (and you, you) even if we try new things. I’d rather try and fail or not like something than not try at all! So, I’m changing my diet, my look, my outlook, and the way I operate. Watch out, world!

This spring, start with motivation in your veins and passion in your heart. You can achieve so much with an idea and a plan (even half a plan). Don’t let others limit you, as long as you’re happy – that’s all that counts. So, sow your seeds early, and watch them sprout.

Happy Spring, everybody!

You’re Too Smart To Generalise So Easily

Here is your first IEG, thought-provoking article.

I thought I’d start off the IEG articles with a fairly “simple” and easy to digest concept.

Racism. Sexism. Sexuality. Religion. Mental Health. And more.

Yeah, not so simple. But today, all I want to talk about is GENERALISATION.

Generalisation is at the root of most of the bad ism’s, I believe. People are prejudice to one race often based on one poor experience, or what they see on the news. People are sexist due to outdated views or general ideas that no longer apply. And people generalise their own “research” to an entire population of people.

This is dangerous thinking.

I used to study psychology at university, and we had to conduct an experiment of our own. We had to select a sample of people, conduct the experiment, and interpret the results. However, what we weren’t allowed to do was generalise. We could say “our experiment concluded that…in such-and-such percentage of our selected sample.” But we weren’t allowed to say that our experiment proved, without a doubt, that the entire world/persons were represented by our sample.

Understand?

Just because you see “evidence” for your thinking, try not to be so closed minded as to think that there isn’t people out there that could prove you wrong.

For example, you may have had a bad experience with a black person. Maybe they were rude or “too gangster” (*eye roll*) for your liking. Does that really mean all black people are that way? Come on!

You’re too smart to generalise so easily.

We all should be.

So, this post is meant to show you that the “evidence” you think you have about a group of people that then makes you treat those people a certain way, isn’t right or fair to the whole population of people in that group.

Just because you know a stay at home mother, who loves to cook, doesn’t mean you should generalise and push that idea on all women.

Just because you had a bad experience with a certain race or religion, or worse because you see these things on the news, you shouldn’t generalise and think that every member of that race or religion is that way. That’d be incredibly unfair.

Be careful with your generalisations. Open your mind. Don’t seek out evidence that proves your closed-minded thoughts, either. Just be open to people of all walks of life, colours, or creeds. Let them be who they are. The way they live has nothing to do with you unless it hurts you, and even then that doesn’t mean their peers will do the same.

Be kind. Try not to generalise. Please.

And, of course: Inspire. Educate. Guide.

*My IEG articles are meant to inspire thought, reflection and understanding. I’m not telling you what to do, I’m just trying to get people thinking in a way they may not have before.*

“How Africa Changed Me” – Chapter 3

Chapter 3

We Arrive

There’s nothing wrong with admitting you need someone. For some reason, in our society it’s a crime to admit you’re human and that you feel things. But yeah, I needed my boyfriend at that moment. Would I have gotten on the plane if he wasn’t there? I can’t know the answer to that. I’d like to think I would, but only god (or whoever) knows that for sure. I needed him, though, and I will forever be grateful for the support he gave me – and still does give me to this day.

MINI RANT ALERT!

I hate society for boxing so many of us up to the point of social isolation, depression, anxiety, inner conflict, and even suicide. Don’t you understand that by telling boys and men that they can’t express their emotions, you are causing them to either seek comfort in other ways – anger, alcoholism, aggression and violence, reckless sex, drugs etc. – or to suppress heavy emotions to the point of a breakdown and even suicide? Society has blood on its hands because I truly believe that if we were more inclusive, honest and real in all forms, then so many people could be spared their suffering. Don’t refuse to progress and stop being so closed-minded, society – yes, I mean you.

Rant over.

I could pretend that getting on the plane meant the hardest part was over – like my mom had promised – but no. In this book, I’ve vowed to be honest and real so I shan’t pretend. No, I sat in my seat in the biggest plane I’d ever seen and cried, even with flight attendants and other passengers giving me the stink-eye – “crazy person alert.” As we took off, I gripped my boyfriend and the armrest like my life depended on it, which it did. My boyfriend instructed me to breathe in and out slowly, and bless his heart, he tried to distract me by listing the in-flight films to no avail. His mom kept asking if I was OK and I didn’t have the strength to lie when it was clear that I wasn’t.

Every now and then, I was OK, though. I managed to slow my heart rate to less than a billion beats per minute enough to laugh, watch a bit of a film, or think about food. I say think about food because I didn’t get around to the actual eating it part. When they came round with dinner, which was a shitty tray of chicken and rice or beef and mash, I panicked. I picked at the sweet mash but every mouthful felt so warm against my empty, unsettled belly that I gagged and gave up.

I pocketed the bread roll, though, in case my appetite returned – it did not.

Through the total of 12 hours on planes and 2 hours in cars, I ate half a bread roll, 2 spoonful’s of mash potato, a small piece of chocolate, and some shared crisps. It was safe to say I hadn’t looked after myself but anyone with anxiety will know that it can be so difficult to eat or function at all when you’re feeling high levels of anxiety. Plus, it’s scientifically proven so…yeah.

Rwanda airport was an interesting place. I got through just fine but Diana and Patrick’s dad’s passports were questioned because they still had Zimbabwean ones, whilst Patrick and his mother had British ones. The airport was tiny so as soon as you got off the plane, you found yourself at security. There were a little waiting area and a few gift shops but no food or beverage stalls – unless that beverage was tax-free alcohol. We made the mistake of going through security and waiting in the small space on the other side far too early. We were waiting in that tiny, packed space for ages, and when we needed the toilet, we had to go back through security! Are you frickin’ kidding me?

The second plane wasn’t as long as the first; it was only for 4 hours and I was so weak from not eating that I slept on and off through it. We arrived in Johannesburg midday, where Patrick’s mom’s brother met us. He brought this Jeep-like, big car that was barely holding together, great… I smiled and pretended I wasn’t deathly aware of being thousands of miles away from home as we stuffed our luggage – remember we had 6 suitcases – into the back of the car.

Patrick’s uncle couldn’t see out the back window and apparently, using your tablet or speaking on the phone whilst speeding was a totally fine thing to do – not from where I was sitting, which was wedged in the middle of Patrick and Diana with no seatbelt on and bags all around me. It was the start of my discomfort, which I didn’t realise would carry across the rest of the trip. It also highlighted the start of another problem that would continue across the trip – I didn’t know nearly enough Shona.

In case you don’t know, Shona is one of the prominent languages spoken in Zimbabwe – no they do not speak African in Africa, silly. Since all of my boyfriend’s family were from Zimbabwe, and I was staying with them for 2 weeks, it probably wasn’t a great idea to know a total of 5 phrases in Shona. Yeah, good one, Siana. The drive was about 2 hours long, as I said before, and all it did was put off the inevitable for a while longer – which I was grateful for, really. However, we finally reached his uncle’s house and oh god…

Oh god.

Oh god.

As we were pulling up to his house, we drove through a neighbourhood filled with those tin-like, little shacks that you see on TV as the “slums” or “ghetto” in places like Africa. I knew I wouldn’t be living in luxury but a shed-like shack? I didn’t think I had the discipline. Experience or not, I just couldn’t do it.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to. It seems his uncle’s house was 1 of 2 houses in the area that was an actual house. Real walls, more than one room and no fire outside. I was glad we lived in that neighbourhood, though. A lot of people could benefit from seeing what we did – not on TV, but in real life. It opens your eyes and by god does it inflate your gratitude. It’s not that I’ve ever been much of an ungrateful person anyway, it’s just that there’s nothing like seeing and experiencing what I did to finally give you a real appreciation for what you have compared. My eyes are truly open.

Anyway, we pulled up to the house and the first thing I noticed was the dog. Yes, the big dog. Erm, why did no one warn me about the big dog? I’m not scared of dogs, except you know those rabid ones with big teeth, but a heads-up would have been nice. Like you tell people that kind thing, right? It didn’t take long for me to realise why the dog didn’t seem like something worth warning us about, though. Because he barely moved.

The reason for this was simple – well “obvious” to my mom and uncle, who had grown up with Jamaican parents – the dog was only fed once a day and lived exclusively outside. To us UK, privileged folk, this was outrageous. “You mean a dog can survive without being fed 3 to 4 times a day, trashing the house, jumping up terrified house guests, getting treats and toys, and going on amazing walks to the park where we throw balls and Frisbees that it’ll inevitably chew up or lose so that we have to get another one? Whaaat?”

The dog was called Spike and he mostly sought shade throughout the day, was annoyed by the kids, and barked at strangers passing by the front garden. For some reason, I found him to be a sweet dog and he provided me with some comfort during my time there, even though I was too much of a snob to actually touch him. What a bitch? I’m sorry, Spike.

The second thing I noticed was the swarm of excitable Africans buzzing out of the house towards the car. Literally, there was so many of them. Did I mention my social anxiety? I did, right? What the hell? Back off, people. But no, they did not back off…not for two whole weeks.