S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 64
May 16, 2019
“It’s All In Your Head”
I especially hate the phrase, “It’s all in your head” not just because it’s dismissive and undermines the suffering of millions with mental illnesses or mental health struggles, but also because it makes no sense.
Everything is in your head…
Pain
You do realise that our experiences of pain comes from our minds, our brains, right? There is a stimulus outside of yourself (say you touched fire) and this sends neurons firing and sending signals, which the brain determines to be pain. If your brain was damaged in some way, you wouldn’t feel pain. You could break your leg or walk through fire, and yet because your brain doesn’t determine it to be painful, you’d feel no pain.
Pain is all in your head.
Memories
Who you are. What you have experienced. What you know. The things that make you cry when thinking about the past. These are your memories. Your memories are in your brain, your mind. Again, if your brain was damaged, you could lose your memories. Lose your history. Lose your Self. Everything that you are is a collection of memories.
Memories are all in your head.
Actions
What you do comes from the brain. Even when we are on autopilot and we just walk or talk without really thinking, it is still our brains that are making it so. Our brain sends the message to our legs to walk. If your brain was damaged (not even your legs), you could lose your ability to walk.
Our routine, natural, instinctual actions and reactions come from our brain’s collection of past experiences and memories; they become a source for expectations for every situation akin to what we have already experienced. These are called Schemas (see definition below).
Actions are all in your head.
Speech
What we say and how we say it comes from our brains, our minds. Whether we think before we speak or not, there is still a cognitive process that happens in milliseconds that then converts thoughts into speech. A damaged brain, you guessed it, can cause you to lose your speech or your recognition of speech.
Speech is all in your head.
The brain and the mind is the governor, the God, the ruler of all that you are, do, experience, feel, think, and everything in-between.
So, why should illness be seen as any different?
Any less important? Any less of a priority?
Leaving your mental health on the backburner is dangerous. It is, I think, more important than physical health pursuits. But for the best life, you will be someone who realises that mental and physical health intertwine and work together in making a healthy, happy, strong person.
So yes, I suppose you’re right; mental illness is all in your head…but where else could it be? A disorder of the brain/mind is important, scary, and affects many other areas of your life.
Don’t you dare dismiss it.
*Schemas: A schema is a cognitive framework or concept that helps organize and interpret information. Schemas can be useful because they allow us to take shortcuts in interpreting the vast amount of information that is available in our environment.
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to like, comment, or follow my site if you enjoy my content 
May 15, 2019
List of Celebrities Who Have Struggled With Their Mental Health
Being famous does not mean you get to avoid pain, illness, or suffering. Here is a list of celebrities who have struggled with their mental health:
Kendrick Lamar – depression and suicidal thoughts
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson – depression
Ellen DeGeneres – depression after coming out
Prince Harry – depression
Ryan Reynolds – anxiety
Catherine Zeta-Jones – bipolar disorder
Cristina Ricci – anorexia
Kate Winslet – anorexia and bulimia (weight loss addiction)
Emma Stone – panic attacks and anxiety
Cara Delevingne – depression
Pete Davidson – borderline personality disorder
Noah Cyrus – depression
J.K. Rowling – depression
Miley Cyrus – depression
Nicole Scherzinger – bulimia
Amanda Seyfried – anxiety (sort therapy) and OCD
Olivia Munn – social anxiety and trichotillomania (pull out own hair)
Mariah Carey – bipolar disorder
Carrie Fisher – bipolar disorder
Pete Wentz – bipolar disorder
David Beckham – OCD
Leonardo DiCaprio – OCD
Oprah Winfrey – anxiety
Taylor Swift – anxiety
Lili Reinhart – anxiety
Demi Lovato – bipolar disorder
Shawn Mendes – Anxiety
Kristen Bell – anxiety and depression
Chrissy Teigan – postpartum depression
Hayden Panettiere – postpartum depression
Kristen Stewart – anxiety
Camila Cabello – OCD
Lady Gaga – PTSD from rape at 19
Chris Evans – social anxiety
James Franco – addiction and depression
Justin Bieber – depression from fame
Zayn Malik – extreme anxiety and eating disorder
Brittany Snow – anorexia for 9 years
Jon Hamm – addiction and chronic depression
Drew Barrymore – drug and alcohol addiction and suicide
Wentworth Miller – suicidal thoughts and attempts
Busy Philipps – social anxiety and postpartum anxiety
Sarah Silverman – depression
Colin Farrell – depression drugs and alcohol addiction
Sources:
https://people.com/health/stars-who-have-mental-illnesses-mental-health-issues/#elizabeth-vargas
How My Body Image Issues Manifest
*Mental health Awareness Week*
M.H.A.W. 2019 is about Body Image, so I wanted to be open and discuss how my own body image issues crop up, how it makes me feel, and how I try to get past it.
Pinterest obsessions
It’s not just the beautiful clothes, hairstyles, or makeup, it’s the women themselves. They look beautiful. They look like themselves, confidently and wholly. And that makes me ill at ease. That makes me jealous. That makes me obsess and compare and get tired and bitter without even realising that I’m doing it.
I’ve recently deleted the app from my phone.
Instagram fatigue
The same goes for Instagram. I’m on Instagram less because I’m more aware of these comparisons, though. These slim bodies, pretty outfits, and picture-perfect faces. I wish to every God that I could look like them! That my face didn’t look fat nowadays; that my mouth didn’t look crooked in photos.
Again, every now and then I delete the app.
Being intimate with my partner
Anyone in a relationship or trying to look good for someone will get this. I find myself breathing in when around my partner. I feel self-conscious when undressed or in tight-fit clothing.
I used to look so good, but now I have rolls and stretch marks and excess fat in places I never imagined. This makes me feel less sexy. Less attractive to him. It makes me feel less in the mood to be intimate.
Running
Feeling the jiggle when I run is very off-putting. I feel weird and very aware of myself. I start to overanalyse and get self-conscious and of course, that’s no mindset to be in when trying to run! I feel this the most in my bum and my thighs. They’re weighted and extra and it feels foreign.
Old Clothes
Trying on old clothes and realising that they no longer fit is a great way to put yourself in an awful mood. Yes, we all grow and change, but it’s sad when it’s your favourite items. Items that you once looked sexy in. I have given away so many clothing items that no longer fit, and it hurt my heart to do so.
I know it’s just clothes, and we should never tie our self-worth to material things, but it does suck.
New Purchases
Worrying about new purchases due to size fluctuations really sucks, too. On the one hand, you want or “need” a new item and so you should just get it in a comfortable size that fits. But on the other hand, you’re trying to lose weight so what’s the point? But then the weight loss could take ages (it nearly always does), so what then?
It’s a real headache.
I’ve chosen to buy items that are stretchy or can be altered, so if I do lose the weight, I can still wear them later.
A number on the scales
Trying not to feel like a number on the scales is important to loving your “dissatisfactory” body. But it’s bloody hard. I think, though I’m not actually sure, that I’ve lost size.
My waist doesn’t look quite as big as last year – though this could be my perspective and perception making it seem so. But the scales say the same thing. So, it’s hard to know what’s real. It’s hard to know what to do, what’s right, which scales are right, and everything else.
You suddenly feel like a number, and that number is often not one you’re pleased with.
I’ve come to weigh myself less often now. I go to the doctors for check-ups and birth control, and so I get weighed then, but other than that, not really. I want to work on myself but that will only happen if I can change my mindset.
So, I choose to see the change in my physical appearance, whether it’s real or not. And I will look after my body because I love it, not because I hate the number on the scales.
Mirror naked
In the mornings, the towel drops and you see your body in the mirror. Some days, I’ll admit, I’m not displeased. I’m like, “Hey, you look alright!”
But other days, I zone in on the weird curves and rolls. The purple, crinkled stretch marks on my hips, thighs, and knees. The bulge of my thighs before they reach the knees. It’s a weird, disproportionate body that I can’t believe is mine compared to the slim girl I was 2 years ago…
My unrecognisable face in photos
I think my biggest issue is the fact that I seemed to gain the weight out of nowhere. One day I was slim, the next I’d “ballooned” as my mother had said. I had no transition.
I’ve come to terms with my body, really, though I have down days. It’s the face that still bothers me. My face is so round and I’ve gained two chins and I just can’t believe it. I look unrecognisable to the girl I was 2 years ago.
When taking a photo now, I’m always conscious of my chins, lifting my face as much as I can.
Fitness accounts
Both in the gym and when seeing fitness accounts on social media, I begin to play the comparison game. She’s slimmer, has better proportions, better ass, better strength, better…
It’s hard not to compare when feeling at your lowest. It’s hard not to see all that you’re not capable of being or doing.
The truth is, guys, we all have times when our bodies don’t seem enough. We compare, we poke and prod, we zone in on the flaws, and we hate ourselves. But that is no good. Our bodies are our homes! Just like your physical home, you must take care of it. Clean it, fill it with good things, shape it to be something that is an expression of you.
Hating your body doesn’t fix it.
There is no sense in comparison, for you can’t switch bodies. Instead, love and accept your body, then from there choose to make the right decision for the health of that body that you love.
If you are unhealthy, please love yourself enough to look after yourself. It’s not a big task and it needn’t take over your life. You’ll probably find, as I have, that small, routine changes that soon become a natural habit are all it takes to eventually see a difference.
View your pursuit of health and happiness as a path to freedom…
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to like, comment, or follow my site if you enjoy my content
Prevention Over Treatment
My mental health advice and advocacy largely comes from a place of prevention, rather than treatment or cure.
That if we ALL simply made mental wellness a natural, normal, important part of our lives, maybe less of us would even struggle with our mental health at all.
And if you do have a mental illness, wouldn’t it be wonderful to live in a world that understood and cared about their minds and health, too, not just when sick? That way, those who are ill wouldn’t feel alone in suddenly having to care for their minds.
It’s too late to care about mental health only when you’re sick.
People don’t care about helping their mental health until they’re sick and they have no choice. How sad is that? How backwards is that?
It’s like not ever thinking about damage to your body and just living blindly and recklessly without a care in the world until you are injured or, well, dead. It doesn’t make sense, does it? Instead, we are cautious and protect our bodies and try to keep them fit and strong. So, why do we ignore our mental health in this way?
With education and preventative measures and routine healthcare techniques, we can be better equipped to face illness or weakness when it comes. We can fight it off. We can understand it better.
Imagine living in a world where you are allowed to say, “I’m not OK” without judgement, fear, or shame! It seems so ridiculous yet we don’t live in that world. Not yet. We’d sooner lie and say we’re “fine” which is the worst word!
But we are society, and so we must be the change we want to see in the world.
This is why my website is dedicated to sharing advice, tips, mindsets, and lifestyle routines that allow space for mental health awareness and care. That with small changes, mental health care will become a normal, natural, habitual part of our everyday lives; and as well-understood as physical healthcare.
I don’t hold all the answers, sadly, but I hope to continue to share any new ideas I discover on how to better your mental health. But I think it just comes down to two things:
Awareness: Realising that your mind needs care and exercise and support just like your body does.
Practice: Actively and routinely caring for your mind just as you make plans to hit the gym or eat right for your body (which also helps your mind, by the way). This is making time for journalling or quiet stillness or mindfulness or reflection.
Prevention over cure, always…
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to like, comment, or follow my site if you enjoy my content
May 14, 2019
What I Mean By Mental Health
I can’t speak for everyone, and I can’t talk for professionals in the field, but this is what Mental Health means to me and my site, my advocacy, and my expertise/ experience/ advice.
When I talk about mental health, I’m talking about mental HEALTH. The health of your mind! Not mental ILLNESS, per se. Not mental health ISSUES or STRUGGLES or PROBLEMS, per se. Just everyday advice and tips on how to care for and witness the health of your mind. Simple.
So, when you see articles pop up about mental health, that’s not for you to dismiss thinking, “I don’t have an illness; I don’t have anxiety or depression“. It’s for you to click on and take notice because you do have a mind and that mind deserves to be healthy.
Not mental illness
Mental Illness is depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, autism, schizophrenia, eating disorders (anorexia, bulimia, obesity, body dysmorphic disorder etc.), borderline personality disorder, self-harming, suicidal thoughts, obsessive-compulsive disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, psychosis, multiple personality disorder, and more.
But Mental Health is: the health of your mind.
Just like your physical health can decline, leading to injury, disease, sickness, bruising, limited life expectancy, poor mobility, and so on; a decline in your mental health (regardless of who you are) can lead to some pretty bad things, too.
Stress
Sleeping problems
Relationship problems
Irritability
Fatigue
Loss of interest in things
Excessive or irrational anger
Depression
Anxiety
Low immunity (vulnerable to sickness and disease)
Irrational behaviour
Poor thoughts
AND MORE
So, pay attention to your mental health. Care for it.
The statics on mental illness (you know, the 1 in 4 suffer thing) doesn’t really matter. 1 in 1 people has a mind and mental health to look after, that is if you don’t want to suffer the consequences.
Strong & Healthy mind
What I talk about on my site will always be in the hope of helping you (and me) nurture and care for our minds. To cultivate a strong, healthy mind. But what is a strong, healthy mind?
Firstly, it’s Resilience. I love this word. If you can be resilient, you are strong. Life will through a lot of bad things your way, things that are just unfair and wrong. But if you can be resilient, you will always be ok. Resilience is strength; resilience is perseverance. And that comes from a healthy, strong mind.
Secondly, it is Perspective. Again, love that word. Those of us who can alter our perspectives, be aware of our perspectives, and gain perspective whenever needed, have strong, healthy minds. It takes a strong mind to be able to step back and realise that it was causing its own suffering. It takes a healthy mind to look at the bigger picture and change one’s outlook.
Strong, healthy minds are:
Witty and clever
Confident and calm
Aware and awake
Flexed and exercised often
OPEN
*Someone with mental illness can still cultivate a strong, healthy mind aside from their struggles. In fact, they are stronger than us all for fighting every day against things we don’t have to.*
Emotional balance
Good mental wellbeing must include emotional balance. People think the mentally ill are just those who can’t handle their emotions. This is, of course, incredibly ignorant, but that’s beside the point. I think we’ve all got it wrong. Our emotions aren’t something to be mastered, or fixed, or suppressed, or “handled” at all.
Our emotions should be given the space and time to do what they come to us to do. All emotions, be they “positive” or “negative”, have a job to do. And those with good mental health understand that and allow the right amount of time for an emotion to do its thing.
Our emotions should be balanced. Not too much of this or that; no overflow of time given to emotions that don’t serve us. Emotional intelligence is very important, and my mental health posts touch on this.
Understanding
My posts touch on the importance of understanding your mind. Your mind is the most important part of you, after all, so ignoring it or being unaware of what it’s doing is just plain foolish!
It is important to cultivate a healthy relationship between your mind, body, and spirit (soul). To understand the need for Holistic Health: the combination of better health techniques which nurture the mind, body, and spirit as a whole.
Every aspect of health will aid in the wellness of every part of the Self. So, caring for the mind actually helps the body; helping the body helps the mind. Caring for them all makes you very strong and healthy indeed.
Self-awareness
I am a big advocate for self-awareness. I think that any pursuits – goals, dreams, health, growth, relationships, emotions, whatever – all comes from self-awareness first.
Aware of thoughts and feelings. Aware of actions. Aware of speech and body language. Aware of where our energy goes. Aware of what we want, what we do, how we work, and more. There is information in awareness, and information gives us the power to make well-informed changes.
Core beliefs
We all have beliefs that will sit deep inside of us and govern how we live our lives. They affect what we see, how we act, how we speak, and how we feel – all without us even realising it.
How scary is that?
But with self-awareness and care for your mental health, you can witness these beliefs and begin to question them. Core Beliefs are very powerful and if you’re not careful, they could lead to a limited life.
Intellect
Let’s not forget that our minds are the home of our intelligence. If you want to be an intelligent person, you can’t ignore your mental health. Poor mental health does not a clever person make!
Mindset and mentality
Everything starts in the mind. If you want to be successful (in whatever it may be) you must look to your mindset. Our mentality will determine our success. It will determine how our lives manifest. And yes, you guessed it: our mindset and mentality are influenced by our mental health.
Factors resulting in mental health decline & illness
Of course, I do like to discuss mental illness in some of my posts, too, as someone with one myself. I have Social Anxiety and I’ve suffered from Depression many times. Through retrospect, I can see now how depression came creeping into my life.
If I’d known how to better care for my mental health as a general, natural, everyday healthcare routine, I probably wouldn’t have become depressed at all.
This is not to say that it is avoidable for everyone. Everyone suffers differently and for their own reasons. But I do think that I could have prevented it, or at least have better cared for myself when I was in it.
Prevention is better than cure.
My aim is to aid in that prevention. To change the way everyone looks at their mental health, so that less of us have to suffer; or when we do, we’re not knocked sideways because we know how to continue caring for ourselves.
Things that can severely impact your mental health:
Death of a loved one
Big life changes
Unexpected outcomes or changes
Failure
Fear
Financial situation
Social pressures
Stress and overwhelm
Lifestyle impacts and implications
It’s not just the obvious stuff, either, that can impact your mental wellness. It’s the choices we make, too. Like choosing not to do what we want to do, instead doing what others want us to. Like taking on a mountain of projects all at once and juggling them alone.
Lifestyle impacts on mental health:
Dependency (being dependent on people, vices, places, or other to an unhealthy level is not good for your mental health)
Hiding your true self or pretending to be who you are not
Lack of exercise or activity
Isolation or surrounding yourself with the wrong people for you
Not feeding your mind with good information (choosing reality TV reruns over documentaries!)
Parenthood
Causing your own financial difficulties and not fixing them
Refusing to grow or change or step out of your comfort zone
And more!
The bottom line is, our minds are shaped by so many things, influenced by so many things, harmed by so many things, and downright broken by many things. I aim to talk about these things alongside ways to heal, strengthen, and feed the mind for health, strength, and happiness.
If you want a successful, abundant, happy life, you must, MUST take care of your mental health.
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Thanks for reading. Don’t forget to like, comment, or follow my site if you enjoy my content
The Trouble With Matters of the Mind
I think some people struggle with the idea and reality of mental health, mental illness, psychology, mindset and whatever else because the mind is so complex. We are all the same but we’re all vastly different, too.
2 + 2 may equal 4 for some people.
But for others, it’s 3 – 1 that equals 4.
Or 6 – 2 that equals 4.
Or some more complex equation.
What works for one person, may be utter nonsense or unnecessary or unimportant to another.
What caused the problem for one person, may be invalid to another.
There just is no easy way to explain our minds, strengthen our minds, or help to “fix” them.
So, maybe we should stop trying to explain.
The stigma will continue the longer people argue about what’s right or what’s wrong; what works and what doesn’t; what’s real and what isn’t.
By fighting against one another, we’re forgetting to fight the actual problem.
With Mental Health Awareness Week, let’s just talk about mental health openly, fairly, honestly, and compassionately. Open your minds to differing points of view and practice kindness and respect.
This is how we combat the stigma; to change our views as a society and actually move forwards to a healthier mentality for all – ill or not.
May 13, 2019
Podcast Episode: Let’s Be Mentally Strong
This Mental Health Awareness month (and week specifically), I wanted to share how we all need to get into the habit of caring about our mental health as a normal, routine part of our lives. How we can all be stronger and healthier and fitter mentally, if we only paid more attention to it…
Click play on the podcast episode to give it a listen!
https://thewritewayme.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/lets-be-mentally-strong.mp3
Gain: A Poem
I want to share with you a poem I wrote earlier this year about my body (I hope it doesn’t upset anyone). This Mental Health Awareness Week is about Body Image and Social Media, so I wanted to share this poem about my body image issues…
Gain
I remember when I used to be able to see my ribs pressed up against my skin. A reminder that I was slim, perhaps skinny; the right thing to be. But now, as I lift my shirt, I can’t find my ribs. I see rolls of brown like waves rippling up to my heavy breasts – not sexy, but a burden.
I fantasise about how I used to look, fooling myself into believing that I could ever look that way again. This imagined-self is confident, head held high on a slender neck, no multiple chins to comfortably rest on.
But now…
It’s as if someone took all the toxic thoughts, the negative beliefs, the self-loathing, mistakes, fatigue, and sadness within me and rolled it up into a ball and stuck it on my outsides; or more accurately, perhaps, they ground it all up into a black liquid and put it into a needle and then injected it into my thighs, my belly, my ass, and my face.
I never ate the burger, I promise. I didn’t eat my emotions, I swear. I didn’t sit here and wait for the weight.
But you don’t bother to ask me, do you? The evidence answers the questions you don’t bother to ask. My dress doesn’t fit, that’s all that matters.
Pregnancy jokes, aren’t they just a delight? When in reality, it is the very opposite that has filled my body up like this. Ballooned, as my mother says, because I chose not to get pregnant – because I inject my body with hormones.
Big is beautiful. Yes, it is, but not me, right? Not her. Not him. Big is beautiful but it’s not allowed. Not really. Thick, now that’s the one. Be big in the right places, honey.
I’m not saying I should be allowed to be overweight. Big is beautiful, but unhealthy is not OK. I just hate that you see me as ugly. That I see me as ugly, because of you, too.
“Have you gained weight?”
Yes, thank you for noticing.
*If you have felt this way, maybe you’re like me and you gained a lot of weight due to birth control, or maybe it’s from other life circumstances, you’re not alone. You are beautiful. You are seen. There is nothing wrong with you. Don’t hate yourself because of how you used to look; don’t hate yourself because you don’t look like Instagram models that are airbrushed and made to look “perfect”.
Perfect is you, just as you are. Look after yourself with love.*
Things That Trigger My Anxiety
*It is Mental Health Awareness Week. In light of that, this week’s posts will be all about mental health, so check in every day for more like this*
Seeing as it is Mental Health Awareness week, I thought I’d start off by sharing how my anxiety operates in my life. I’m happy to say that my anxiety has now become more of a passenger in my life, rather than the driver steering the proverbial car. But it is still there. And sometimes it reaches for the wheel and steers me straight into a tree…
So, here’s some insight into the world of anxiety that is personal to me.
What triggers my anxiety
Performance anxiety
When I know I have to do something, even things as small as bowling or talking, I get anxious. Even though oftentimes, I know I can do things (I’m a decent bowler), I still get anxious about the coming event.
I think this boils down to my fear that I’ll underperform. That I’m not good enough. That I’ll embarrass myself or let myself down.
Public Spaces and Groups
I don’t like being out in public for too long. I am a home person! A hermit! I’m introverted so naturally, I am happier and more comfortable alone and in my own quiet space. But I will get anxious just thinking about having to be out in public for too long, or in a group setting for a long time, too.
(I have clinically diagnosed Social Anxiety)
Long time trapped with people
Similar to the above, I get anxious whenever I have to spend a long time with people, even people I know well or like or love. This is things like meals, parties, activities, clubs, house gatherings, schooling, etc.
The future
I cannot even begin to describe how much the fear of the future used to cripple me. I used to have panic attacks and sobbing crying fits in my mom’s arms whenever I thought about how she was going to die, and my grandparents were going to die, and what I would do if my partner died young and left me alone with our kids like my father did with my mother.
I used to literally grieve for people that weren’t dead or sick at all.
Thankfully, I don’t get like that anymore. I still worry about it, though. It’s weird because the far-future seems fine to me. I know I’ll have a family, a home, and a living from my writing in the far-future, but I’m scared and unsure about the time in-between. What I’ll do. What I’ll go through. The pain. The loss. The pitfalls.
Like I know the end goal, but I constantly worry to the point of intense anxiety about how to get there.
Lack of control
Duh, anyone with anxiety fears the loss or lack of control. I think that’s fundamentally what it’s about. If we feel out of control, unsure, or not enough, we panic.
Talking
Speaking on my podcast, and when I used to do my YouTube videos, I get anxious. Talking makes me breathless when I know someone is listening or that I’m saying something important. My chest is tight and my breaths are laboured.
Big personalities
I feel anxious around people who are very confident, charismatic, creative, ambitious, successful, and all that. Big personalities make me ill at ease. I think it comes down to comparison and feeling less-than.
My Social Anxiety was very much brought on by the fear that I am boring and that I’m not good enough – myself and my therapist surmised this long ago. And so, being around people who seem so cool and confident really brings up that Core Belief that I have about myself.
Being questioned
This is a funny one, but I do get anxious when questioned. Again, it comes down to the fear of saying the wrong thing, poorly articulating myself, or fear that I’m wrong in what I’m saying.
We can’t avoid being questioned and of course, if I’m happy with my life or my decisions then I shouldn’t fear being questioned. But I do. Because how can I be sure that I’ve made the right decisions? Only when looking back can we know for sure, right?
And I don’t know, I guess I worry that people won’t understand what I feel or why I’ve done things, and so I get anxious when I’m being questioned or know that I might be questioned (like at family gatherings/catch-ups).
Tiredness and hunger
This sounds weird, but I get anxious when I’m overtired or really hungry. In fact, I get anxious just thinking about being too tired or hungry, too! I’d love to explain it, but I’m not sure where it came from.
I get anxious about long car journeys because I’m scared of being tired, hungry, or needing the toilet. I get anxious about quiet rooms – like going to an event to hear someone speak – because I’m scared my belly will rumble. I get anxious about travelling and feeling tired and hungry and how that would ruin the trip.
These are the only examples I have but I get really anxious about being (or anticipating being) too tired or hungry.
Lack of productivity
I beat myself up for not having a productive day. It’s like I’ve tied my self-worth to how much I get done in a day. I think this comes down to the fact that I’m self-employed and I dropped out of university and decided to actively pursue my dream of being a writer. And so, there’s pressure there.
It’s as though I feel watched. Like people would judge and condemn me for having dropped out and having become self-employed if I wasn’t constantly achieving and progressing and making money.
I mean, my reasons for dropping out were more than just one thing (read my university story here if you’re interested). And becoming self-employed wasn’t about thinking I was better than an office job, or so incredibly capable as a writer that I could make it on my own – quite the contrary. But still, I beat myself up and act as if people are watching and judging me, and then I just get anxious and think I’m a failure when I have low productivity days.
Travel
Lastly, there’s travel. I love seeing the world and experiencing new things, but gosh does it send my anxiety sky-high! I get anxious about the plane journey (not a great flyer), about the food I’ll eat, about the accommodation, about getting around the city, about other people, about my safety, about being tired and hungry(!), and everything else.
It’s just so hard. As I say, I love it and I’m always glad that I went. I’ll always push myself to go. But the mere thought of it all makes me instantly anxious. And it takes a lot (A LOT!) to get me to go.
There you have it, I think that’s all my anxiety triggers. Would you like to share yours with me? If so, I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.
Take care x
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
May 12, 2019
The Rise in Self-Help Content
There is no denying the rise in the self-help culture. The rise in the number of people becoming lifestyle and “best life” influencers and self-help gurus. There’s a MASSIVE online presence in this community (myself included), alongside books being published, talks being given, and general information overload.
But why?
Firstly, when I say “Self-Help” I mean all the Self Content out there these days:
Self-help
Self-improvement
Self-care
Self-love
Self-growth
Self-development
Self-exploration
Self-image
Self-beliefs
Self-employment
Self-power
Self-actualisation
Self-awareness
You get the idea…
We can think it’s a trend or it’s stupid, and yes some of it is a pointless money-grab, but not all of it.
The reason that I think this is happening is because people are finally realising that all of life’s meaning, happiness and success comes from within, and so we must do the Self-work to gain lasting effects. We can’t allow others or material things to fix us or make us happy; only we can do it.
Life is a personal venture…
Your life is up to you. Fact. Only you know what you want, what feels good, what you’re good at, what your purpose is, what needs work, what needs healing, and everything else. Only you can do the work, make the life and feel the things. And so, isn’t it obvious that we all need to do the Self-work?
And I say Self with a capital S because there is a Self. There is a You. And that Self is constantly growing, learning, shifting, and changing, whether you realise it or not. The Self can be negative, broken, or decaying, or it can be always thriving, adapting, and positive; the choice is yours.
Being unaware of change can be damaging; being against change is definitely damaging.
A Message to the Naysayers…
Why are you resisting this? Why really? Because you don’t believe in it? Because you think it’s all utter rubbish? Well, why?
Maybe you haven’t found the right people or content that resonates with you personally (I don’t know why you’re on my site if you’re against this stuff but still!). Or is it because you don’t understand how to start? Is it because you’re not self-aware enough to realise there’s a need for self-growth? Or are you just not willing to put in the time and energy to do it?
Oprah says the best thing at the start of every Super Soul Conversations podcast episode, “One of the most valuable gifts that you can give yourself is time; taking time to be more fully present. Your journey to become more inspired and connected to the deeper world around us starts right now…”
Each of the Super Soul Conversations episodes has a piece of truth about life in them. Every one of the speakers on the podcast has a different perspective, experience or nugget of advice to share. That doesn’t mean one is right or the other; it just means that we all experience life differently. Each story is valuable and worthy of being shared. I believe that what is obvious or pointless to one person, can be very enlightening and beautiful to someone else.
So, does this highly saturated community of Self-work influencers mean the work, advice, or stories are invalid? Hell no! It just means we all have a different story to tell, a different audience to hear it, and that we find comfort in speaking up and joining the conversation.
A Message to the Rest…
Be careful with the information you take on board. Firstly, not everyone has something of value to offer you. Secondly, what works for one may not be for you (that’s for you to determine).
And lastly, you need to ensure that you find the influencers and authors and speakers who speak to your truth, your needs, and offer value to you. It’s very personal. Don’t go with what’s popular just because. What rings true for you? What do you need and who delivers that message in the best way for you?
The people to avoid are the people who have very limited advice to give. People who are charging extortionate amounts of money for their content or resources. People who have copy-paste titles and content that is just on trend but offers nothing of real value.
Some great self-work influencers (for me) are as follows:
Oprah (duh!)
Jay Shetty (YouTuber, Speaker and Podcaster)
Kalyn Nicholson (YouTuber and Podcaster)
Lavendaire (YouTuber and Podcaster)
Muchelle B (YouTuber)
Sorelle Amore (YouTuber and Podcaster)
Rowena Tsai (YouTuber)
Erin May Henry (YouTuber and Podcaster)
Elizabeth Gilbert (Author and Speaker)
Brene Brown (Author, Speaker and Researcher)
Also, when doing the Self-work, as I’m calling it, you must be careful. I think it’s important to find a balance in it all. Be self-aware but not to the point of anxiety and obsession. Be in a place of growth and intentional living, but don’t forget to let go every now and then and be less controlling or rigid with your time.
And please remember that it is OK – in fact, it is encouraged – to change your mind! You can feel like you don’t like self-help books one day, and then absolutely love them the next. You can hate yoga or sports, but then be a rugby or yogi master in a few years! Changing your mind is a good thing! It means you’re allowing yourself to learn and grow – which is ultimately the whole point.
Self-Work is important. The market/community may be overpopulated, but that’s mostly because we all have something to share and contribute due to our own journeys of self-actualisation.
Ignore the people who have nothing of value to say, but don’t ignore everyone who’s speaking about this stuff. There is value even in the places we don’t expect it.
Find the voices that mean something to you and your life. Take the time to explore the Self, nurture the Self, and grow the Self. That is, if you want true health, happiness, success, and freedom…
And of course, stick with me if you want to learn and grow with me, too!
If you need any help in bettering your mental health, or better coping with anxiety, depression, and stress, then my book “You’re As Mad As I Am” may be for you. Check it out here, and download a free sample to see what it’s all about.
If you want to hire me to write about mental health (or other), then don’t hesitate to get in touch!
Check out my other blog posts for more. And don’t forget to like, comment, share, and follow my site if you enjoy my content! Thanks
