S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 65

Life As A Writer: My Timeline

8-14 years old

I always say that I started writing stories when I was about 8 years old. This is when my mom remembers giving me my first notebook – I used to tell her stories and make up imaginary worlds and games for myself and my siblings.

These were random stories that often went unfinished. I wasn’t very disciplined in that respect, but I wrote new stories all the time and allowed myself to just go with the flow.

 

14-21 years old

The turning point would be when I was about 14 years old, when I started to write the first book in the Eternity series. At the time, it was called No Secrets and I wrote it from start to finish but didn’t show anyone.

My good friend Allie asked me about it and begged me to let her read it. She read all of it on my iPod in one day! And this blew my mind. This was the first sign that I could write something that others would actually want to read…

Of course, she was my friend and so I knew she could have lied to me about how good it was. However, the fact that she had read it so fast and so avidly was a sign to me that yes perhaps it wasn’t brilliant, but it was at least good, and that was a massive confidence boost.

From the age of 14-21, the Eternity series was all the I really wrote. Other story ideas reared their heads, but none ever stole my time and energy as much as the epic YA fantasy series that was the start of my publishing journey…

 

2013

In 2013, at the age of 18, I published my first work. No Secrets was finished and I’d worked on it for many years, making it better with help from friends and family. The support from these wonderful people helped me to have the confidence to put it out there.

Yes, I was very young. Yes, by no means are these books my “best work” at all! But I have never regretted publishing them. At the time, my mom convinced me to get it published, saying I’d worked on it for years and it was time. Both of us knew nothing about publishing and after some failed phone calls to publishing houses, I ended up self-publishing.

 

The first publication was done with an American company that charged me quite a lot to publish the book. Do I regret self-publishing? No. Do I regret the way I did it the first time? Absolutely.

If you wish to self-publish, do not pay for it. You can pay for editors and cover designers and formatting etc, but not publication. You can do this for FREE with Amazon (paperback and ebook). But I learned this later…

 

2015

In 2015, the sequel to No Secrets was published. My second publication. It is important, I think, to note that in 2013 when No Secrets was released, I went through depression.

The course of my life had suddenly changed at the same time, and so I fell into a dark place and hated myself. This meant I wasn’t even happy about my achievement and didn’t care to market it or anything else. The only people who knew about it and bought a copy was family and friends.

Fast-forward to 2014 and I was in a better place. Things were back on track (I was at university) and I was writing the sequel. But at the end of 2015, I was again in a bad place. And so, once again I was publishing a book but my mental health was poor.

I was the published author of two books (whether they were considered bad or good is beside the point) at the age of 20, yet I hated myself and beat myself up at every given opportunity.

 

2016

At the beginning of 2016, I was trying to get through my depression. I’d been sent to Anxiety Management classes but one-to-one therapy wasn’t available to me (funding for mental health care isn’t enough). I said to myself that I’d been depressed before and so I knew how to get better.

And so I started writing out everything I knew about coping with anxiety and depression. Little did I know that I was writing what would soon become my third publication…

 

Friends of mine were interested in what I was writing and so I thought, “why not turn this into a book?” And so I did. It became 25 Ways to Break The Chains of Anxiety, Depression and Stress. Writing this book and publishing it brought me out of my depression – well, enough, at least, to be in a better place.

Many people bought the book. I started getting Facebook messages from people I hadn’t spoken to in years, saying how it helped them. They started talking about suicidal thoughts, loved ones, their personal obstacles, and anxiety. And I found that I was good at talking about it, making them feel like they could talk about it, and offering empathy.

This lead to 2016 becoming the year of my joining the Mental Health Community.

I shared what I thought on my blog, in YouTube videos, in magazines, and even in a radio interview. I started my own support group and hosted my own Mental Health Awareness event. I was invited to speak at other events, too.

I found a voice and found that others needed to hear it.

 

Alongside this, 2016 was the first time that I actually put time and effort into trying to market my published books. Beforehand, I had no idea what I was doing. I’m still not good at this, but for the first time, I felt like an actual author worthy of people’s time and money.

 

2017-Present

Over the years since the first publications of my work, I’ve republished each book. I wanted to ensure they were perfected as best I could, and seeing as my readership wasn’t very big, I had the ability to attend to whatever I felt needed fixing.

This gave birth to my published works as they are now:

Ash Born
Guardians Rise
You’re As Mad As I Am

I started writing the third book in the Eternity series but didn’t finish it. I felt like it was time to move away from that world, if only for a little while.

 

I started writing another book late in 2017, about a young Angel called Elle. She lived in the world above Earth and was learning what it meant to be an Angel in a world that claimed to be perfect but was far from it. I loved that sprightly little girl who was Mixed Race like myself with big curly hair; the first non-white main character that I’d ever written.

At this point in my writing journey, I was learning how important representation was. How important it was to write characters that all little boys and girls could see themselves in. I explored mental health in my work. I wrote new worlds. I was writing fantasy but for a younger audience, too.

I was growing as a writer. Really fricking growing.

I entered this manuscript in the 2018 Pitch Wars competition but didn’t get through. I pitched this manuscript in the autumn Twitter PitMad event and received interest from two literary agents.

I queried my story to these agents. It was the first time I’d ever queried a book idea and the first time I could say that I was moving away from self-publishing and pursuing traditional publishing instead. Neither agent requested a full manuscript after the query, though.

 

In November of 2018 for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), I wrote another MG fantasy about a little demon girl called Cole. I wanted the challenge and I’d had the free time, so I went for it with little expectation that I’d actually write the required 50k in that month.

But I did it.

I finished my manuscript in one month, and it felt amazing.

It feels amazing to say that in 2018 I had:

Wrote two new books (both of the first drafts were completed in less than two months)
I queried to agents for the first time
I entered writing competitions and events
I researched in my industry
I allowed myself to grow and venture out of my comfort zone
I’d won NaNoWriMo

 

Now, in 2019, I’ve started two different books! One was about a pirate girl settling her family’s debt, but I moved away from that idea. The other is my current work in progress which is an Adult Contemporary novel about 5 POV characters at an Art school facing internal struggles of identity and belonging.

Again, this is a totally new idea for me. A step out of my comfort zone and a project that has encouraged me to be open, honest, and vulnerable. I’m writing from a place of personal narrative, emotion, and meaning. And it freaking rocks!

 

Alongside this, I am growing my freelance writing business, building a client list and networking while defining my niche. Each step is a learning curve and chance to grow; I know this from all the books, blogs, and ideas that have come before…

 

Last Words:

If you’re reading this as a writer, I want you to know firstly that no two writer’s journeys will look the same. We all tackle things differently, start at different times, and have different goals.

It is important to know, as I’ve demonstrated here, that writers (as with all people) will learn and grow and change always. My first book is not my best work but that doesn’t mean I should hide it now. It is a part of my journey and I love that I wrote it and shared it.

That first book, no matter its flaws or my age at the time, helped me become the writer I am today. It helped me land jobs and show what I could do. It is physical proof of my dedication and passion above anything else.

 

You will write good books and bad ones. Many bad ones, actually.

You will have ideas that are utterly stupid and ones that could change the world.

But you can’t let the fear stop you. You can’t let the challenges shake you. You can’t let society or family or “the norm” stop you from just doing you and seeing what happens. There is nothing wrong with following an interest with curiosity and going with the flow.

 

Some may look at my journey and think “that’s a reckless person publishing bad work before allowing herself to grow” but I disagree. I’ve been brave enough to share my work and put myself out there. To allow people to poke and criticise. And this is inevitable for writers! But we can either be broken by it or learn from it.

So, my blog allows me to flex my writing muscles every week. My books will be something that I write regardless of publication or readership. Every word put to the page is a step closer to your dream or masterpiece.

There is a lot of writing advice out there, and people will tell you that you should do this thing or that thing. Ignore it all if it gets confusing and just focus your mind on two things:

Just keep writing!
Just keep reading!

I don’t have all the answers and I’m far from the writer and influencer I want to be, but I do know this: if I keep writing and keep reading I will grow and learn without even realising that it’s happening until I look back. And that’s a beautiful thing.

It will be hard sometimes, and very hard at other times; but if you love it, you’ll keep facing the blank page.

Now that’s bravery.

Every word on the page is you writing your story, so don’t be afraid to make mistakes, fail, write some rubbish and be criticised along the way.

Just keep writing.

 

I’m very interested to see what the next 5-10 years of my writer’s life has to offer…

 

Video: Imposter Syndrome and Doubt

I wanted to talk about my own Impostor Syndrome, Fear, and Self-doubt. It is a horrible feeling, to feel like you’re not supposed to be doing what you’re doing. That you’re not good enough. That you don’t deserve success or you haven’t worked hard enough.

I wanted to talk about my own experiences with this and how we can get past it…

Click to watch the video below! And don’t forget to subscribe for more like it…

 

The Theodore Roosevelt quote mentioned in the video:

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

― Theodore Roosevelt

Self-Exploration and Growth

*Part of the Identity series*

 

People often only care about or recognise big, obvious growth. Like that person who has a six-pack now, or a degree from a credible university, or someone who has travelled alone to Asia. These of visible, easy to understand and big areas of growth and so they’re socially recognised and acceptable.

But what about the smaller areas of growth? What about the growth and self-exploration that you’re going through that is less visible or less socially accepted? Does it count? Is it worth it? Is it important?

Hell yes!

 

The thing is, with any personal growth or self-exploration, the keywords there are PERSONAL and SELF. They are for you, no one else. Some people won’t understand or care at all, and that’s OK. It’s not for them. Some people may get it, but still not truly understand what it means for you and your life.

 

I’m 100% in a place of personal growth and self-exploration right now (anyone who reads my content knows that by now!), but I don’t feel that the people around me understand that very much.

Like if I were to catch up with a friend or family member, I don’t feel like I could say, “Things are amazing right now because I’m growing and looking within and exploring myself and my creativity every day.”

Let’s be honest, it sounds kind of hippie-like! It makes most people eye-roll or laugh or just look at you as if you’re mad. They’d sooner hear about growth in the areas of work or sales or followers and likes or money or relationships or achievements of a visible or tangible nature.

But those who go through growth knowingly will understand the importance of it and what it means. Most go through this unknowingly or don’t allow themselves to go through it at all because they resist change, growth, and newness. Big mistake!

It is healthy to grow and explore yourself.

 

If you feel lost, angry, tired, jealous, bored, frustrated, or other, you may be in need of some growth and exploration.

I like Elizabeth Gilbert’s advocation for curiosity. I think we become less curious as we get older, which this means we begin to limit ourselves. We say “I am this” or “I do that” and then disregard anything that doesn’t fit into that self-narrative or self-image.

But this is so wrong. So limiting.

By saying to yourself that you can’t or won’t do something because it doesn’t fit neatly into who you think you are, is a fast track to a very restricted life and mindset.

 

The Need for Growth and Exploration

Why do we need growth? Why do we need to explore ourselves? Well, think about it. Not only is it boring to stay the same forever, but it’s also impractical. By all means, have values and beliefs and ideals, but never once shifting or changing these things means you do not have an open mind.

Open-mindedness is beautiful. It means you can be open enough to see other points of view and perspectives, whether you agree or not; and it also means you are strong enough to say, “yes, I see what you mean” when the time comes.

But this is so infrequent, isn’t it? Where two opposing parties come to a discussion and have mutual respect and open-mindedness enough to share ideas and not let it lead to aggression or argument. Crazy!

But I digress…

 

The point is, we need growth in order to adapt. Adapt to new situations, new people, new environments, new ideas, new forms, new abilities, new likes and dislikes, and new experiences. If you wish to be resilient and strong, you must be willing to grow.

Think of it like a snake shedding its skin or a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. You must be willing to go through tough times, hard internal junk, and pain in order to grow anew. In order to grow stronger and healthier and to become a self-actualised individual.

 

How to grow
Be vulnerable

There is no growth without vulnerability. Vulnerability is a superpower, not a weakness, as many may think. Vulnerable means being brave enough to be naked, be You, and show up for yourself.

Being vulnerable means facing fears. It means facing the possibility of failure, rejection, judgement, shame, and pain, but doing so bravely so that you can achieve something better.

This is important for growth because we grow stronger, healthier, and happier when we are our true selves. When we confront our fears. When we dare to chase our dreams and do what’s scary. When we can fail but stand back up and try again.

 

Be courageous

As I said, vulnerability isn’t a weakness, it’s a strength. It gives us a personal power because it is brave to be vulnerable. This means that courage is also needed for growth. The courage to face our fears (like I said before), but also the courage to be honest with ourselves. To find where growth is needed.

We also need courage to try new things. The courage to be bad at something while we’re trying new things. The courage to look at the long road ahead and take that step anyway.

 

Growth will often happen naturally. When we are in education, new jobs, or meet new people. But growth should also be a choice.

Choose to grow by:

Reading regularly and widely
Learning new skills
Trying new hobbies
Conversing with new people
Sharing yourself and your talents
Self-educating
Being open to constructive criticism and advice
Choosing a spiritual practice

 

How to Explore Yourself
Be curious

You must be curious if you want to explore yourself. You need to be aware of interests or ideas that pop up for you, and then you need to be curious enough to follow them. You may try it out and see that it goes nowhere, but that’s ok. It means you learned something regardless!

But you might just find something spectacular if you give yourself a chance to explore new ideas or interests with curiosity and open-mindedness.

 

Be label-less

In order to explore yourself, it’s a good start to remove your labels. Or at least, don’t tie yourself to labels.

These are things like: your sexuality, gender norms, personality traits, abilities and talents, ethnicity and cultural norms or stereotypes, religious beliefs, education and status, class, or other.

Freeing yourself from labels is liberating and it gives you the space to create a life and image for yourself that is without boundaries, expectations, norms, or social influence.

 

Be less serious

We can’t take ourselves too seriously if we hope to self-explore. It’s a fun, freeing experience or space of time in our lives, and so it can’t be forced, scheduled, or planned. It must come from a place of possibility, willingness, spontaneity, openness, and excitement first and foremost.

 

We explore ourselves by:

 Trying new things
Trying foods or experiences that we once didn’t like, giving them another try (perhaps in a new or more personal way)
Watching or reading out of our normal genres
Looking within and digging around: meditation, journaling, mindful walking etc. all help with this
Being more creative (in any way that works for you)
Trying new looks: hair, makeup, clothes

 

Last Thoughts

Our identities should always be up for exploration and growth. Never fully formed or fixed or final.

Making time for growth and self-exploration is important. It is a means of self-reflection and truth. It is adaption and strength. It leads to knowing the Self, loving the Self, and trusting the Self. It makes for an abundant, limitless life.

It is a means of self-love and self-care, too. It is a pathway for better confidence and self-esteem. It will improve your self-worth.

Doesn’t all of that sound great?

If any of these things have sounded interesting or important to you, great! If you feel you need this but you’re unsure, then don’t fear. You’re not alone. Make time for growth and self-exploration on a personal level. It needn’t be anyone else’s business – unless you want it to be.

Look within, quiet the noise, and let the chrysalis form.

 

If you enjoy my content, please like, comment, share, and follow! Thanks

Our Perception of Time

I think we all have a warped and inaccurate perception of time. We either think we have more than we do, or we think we have less. Here’s how both of these perceptions can be harmful…

 

Not Enough Time

Many people, especially young people, don’t realise how much time they have. They rush to get things done because they don’t realise that they have time to do things later on in life.

This is where the “feeling behind” comes from. The comparison that you haven’t done enough compared to other people. You see someone else with an abundant life and you feel like a loser compared.

But the truth is, most of us don’t have millions of dollars in our bank account, or the ability to travel every day, or a grand house or car or wardrobe. On Instagram (or wherever else), we see people living these lavish lives and it gets to us when we know that they are the same age as us or younger.

But why?

The truth is, most people don’t have that lifestyle, especially not at a young age. We just see the select few who do have it and instantly feel bad about our own achievements because of it. And then we panic, thinking that we must rush our lives, achieve everything possible right now, and stress ourselves out thinking that the clock is ticking away on us.

Stop.

Breathe.

No!

If you are this kind of person, you need to slow down. Take your time. You have more time than you realise.

You don’t need to get married, find the perfect job, travel the whole world, run your own business, have the perfect body, speak every language, play three instruments, or make a million dollars all before you’re 30!

Think about it, if you do, what’s left? What do you do then, once you’ve done it all in your youth?

Spread your life out. Achieve things and do things at all stages of your life. Enjoy the ride as it unfolds.

 

Too much Time

On the other hand, if you are someone who feels you have too much time, you need a kick up the backside!

Life does go by quite quickly if you’re not careful. Allowing your life to just play out without ever taking a moment to ask yourself what you want or taking a hold of the wheel, will result in a disappointing life when you look back. You’ll realise that you didn’t do anything because you kept waiting for tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year.

To a point, life is to be lived now. Not postponed or delayed.

It is your job to take your life into your own hands and make it what you wish it to be. Thinking you have forever is dangerous because it makes you lazy or at least procrastinate until it’s too late.

So, do that thing that you’ve been dreaming of doing. Book that flight, see that person, take that class, before you run out of tomorrows…

 

Conclusion

Believing you don’t have enough time is stressful, tiring, and anxiety-inducing. Believing you have too much time makes you delay your life or fail to get things done. We all would do well to find a happy middle. To live now, make the most of the time we have, be present, be grateful, be mindful and choose to be happy.

Life is short, but not that short!

There’s a saying that goes, “Youth is wasted on the young.” I think that yes when you’re young, you are more likely to have a warped view of time and what the meaning of life is. The annoying thing is, it’s only when we’re older and we have life experience that we see the truth of it all. I can only hope that I can find my truth before it’s too late.

What is your perception of time? Do you rush and panic when thinking you don’t have enough time? Or do you delay and sit back because you think you have all the time in the world? Either way, you need to take a step back, gain some perspective, and adjust accordingly.

Change Your Views On Health

I think the problem with many of us is that we look at health all wrong. We laugh at advice from the health world or shrug it off because we don’t see any real problem with how we’ve chosen to live our lives. But I think with a little shift in mindset, we could all be looking at health differently, and find that we care about it more…

 

Not a chore or punishment

For many of us, we look at any sort of better health pursuits as a chore or a punishment. That we aren’t allowed to eat sweets and takeaways. That we need to calorie count and ensure we are more active in order to burn more calories than we consume.

But thinking of it like this makes people resist it. It’s not that they don’t care about their health, it’s just that it feels like too much effort to “fix” it. That there’s just too much to think about or it’s too restrictive and so why bother when we’re not really that unhealthy anyway, right?

But it is not a chore or a punishment, not really. I’ll go into more detail as to why not later in this post…

 

Not something that makes you invincible to death or pain

On the other hand, some people get into better health pursuits because they want to cheat death. They want to be so strong and fit that they will live to be one hundred, never feel any pain, and keep running up mountains even with grey hair and wrinkled skin.

Again, health doesn’t work that way. Many very healthy people still get cancer or injure themselves. Our bodies aren’t perfect; they’re vulnerable to illness, breakage, and disease. Instead of fooling yourself into thinking there’s a level of healthiness that will make you immune to all that, it’s better to view health as a preventative measure that ensures you’re less susceptible to it, that’s all.

This is more realistic and doesn’t give any false promises of immortality and superpowers!

 

So that’s how we shouldn’t view our health, but how should we look at it? Here are some of my ideas…

 

It’s a habit

It’s not about seeing your health as something that you need to constantly think about and implement. Once it’s a habit, it’s just normal. It’s just routine.

That’s the goal.

If we can all think about making health a habit, health becomes natural. Instinctual. Easy and so mundane that we never have to think about it, we just do it.

How great would it be to just jump out of bed and naturally just stretch and meditate? To naturally reach for the fruit bowl? To naturally go for a run after work or do mini exercises at your desk?

That’s the dream. And it’s not some weird health guru’s lifestyle that I’m describing here, it could be your life if you aim to make your health not a chore or a big life change or even a goal, but instead a normal everyday routine habit.

How to build habits:

I’m no expert on habit-building, I’m still trying, but I know some things that help to build habits…

*Make it easy: Have your yoga mat in sight, put a book by your bed instead of your phone, don’t buy any chocolate just buy fruit, or have an exercise bike up and out in the living room ready to ride while watching TV.
Be held accountable: Have someone or something that keeps you in check; someone who is doing it with you or keeping track of what you’re doing to make sure you’re consistently doing it.
*Be consistent: With your time, with your intention, with your activity; consistency is the key to forming a habit; things aren’t easy at first but with consistency, they become easy.
Be organised: It will be easier to do what you’re doing if you have an idea of how to make it work, which means making a plan and then taking action, again and again, adjusting where necessary but never giving up.

*Check this out if you want some expert info on habits.

 

It’s freedom

Think of your health as something that will free you. Something that gives you the freedom to do and be what you want. To run and race. To climb and lift. To move your body freely. To handle the stresses and tests of life.

People think that health is for those who wish to be slim or muscular or athletic. This is totally false. We should all view our health as a way of freeing ourselves. Free from a body that is tight and restrictive. Free from pains and tensions that are avoidable. Free from mental hindrances and stress.

To be healthy is not to be invincible, as I said before; being healthy is to be free.

 

It’s a mindset

Having a healthy mindset is what helps people be healthy without forcing it. It will be natural. If you have a health-based mindset, then you will make the right decisions in the way of better health (in every way) instinctively.

If your mindset is off when it comes to health, it won’t work. As in, you can’t have the mindset that you will get a boyfriend if you are healthier and fitter. You can’t have the mindset that health is trendy and so you’ll join in.

Having a real reason for wanting to be healthy will give you a healthy mindset that doesn’t shift or change. This is things like, “I will care about my health because I want my mind and body to be free and strong and resilient.” This is a much better motivator, I promise you, and it is a healthier outlook to have that should never change.

 

It’s for everyone

Don’t look at health as something that is purely for those who are unhealthy or those who are obsessed with health and nutrition and exercise etc. For those people, it is a lifestyle choice; a very important part of their lives. But health is for everyone. And not in that, “we all need to care about our health” which we should but that’s beside the point. I mean it’s for everyone because everyone can benefit from having their health be something that they care for naturally; something that will open their lives up in beautiful, new ways.

It is not my aim to have people become as passionate about mental wellness as me. And it is not my aim to make you all sign up to fitness classes or watch nutrition videos. As I said, those are lifestyle choices. However, I do wish that we could all just get into the mindset of seeing our health as a natural thing.

To naturally want to cook your own food, not because you have to, but because you want to.

To naturally want to move your body, not because you need to meet a goal or requirement, but because it just feels good and normal to do so.

How great is that?

It all starts in your mind and how you view this pursuit.

 

It’s Holistic Health

Holistic health is where you look at your pursuit of health from an eclectic approach. Where it’s not just one thing on its own; it’s the mixture of all aspects of our self and health.

So, it’s not just about diet and exercise. It’s about mental health, spiritual health, routines, experiences, perspectives, and more all coming together to make you a healthy, happy, well-rounded, strong individual.

Health isn’t about how physically fit you are. It’s about how well you deal with setbacks and failures. How you view yourself. Your relationship with your mind and emotions. Your ability to grow. Your ability to make connections and form lasting relationships. Your ability to make decisions, know what you want, and pursue things.

There are so many branches of health and how to better your health, so consider all of these and that is how you have a healthy life overall.

 

Conclusion

Don’t listen to fad diets, trends, influencers, buzzwords, or any other nonsense that changes like the weather.
See health as a path to freedom and overall wellness.
Make health routine, habit, and a natural part of your life; that should be your only aim.
Your mindset and beliefs are what is in the way of a free, happy, well-lived life.

 

Get That Site Up Already!

Are you someone who has had a site that’s “Coming Soon!” for about three years now? Have you postponed it and neglected it time and again, because you just don’t know where to start? And so it remains blank, or worse still, just a dream in your mind.

 

Let me help you get it up and running once and for all!

 

I don’t have the web design skills that you need (I can help you hire someone else for that), but I can handle the content writing for you. I know how to get your branding and message across to your target audience with flair and passion in the written word.

 

Not only this, but I’m trained in keywords. I can ensure the SEO side of your content is sorted, too. This puts you on the map that is Google and other search engines!

 

My expertise lies in blogging. So, if you want regular visitors to your site (we all do, right?) then let me help you by maintaining that weekly blog for you. You needn’t lift a finger.

 

So, check out my freelancing writing services for more information on how I can help you get that site up and running!

Or contact me now for a quote.

Podcast Episode: Energy is Powerful

Energy is all around us and within us. It can cause good things or bad things to happen. It is in how we talk, what we do, what we think, and who we interact with. So, we must be mindful of it…

Click the play button to listen!

 

https://thewritewayme.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/energy-is-powerful.mp3

 

Thanks for listening! Check out the previous podcast episodes here.

Knowing The Story You Want To Tell

What does it mean to “know the story you want to tell” and how does it help us as writers?

It’s not about plot and characters. It’s so much more than that and I’ve found real depth and writing satisfaction from my work when I’ve actually known the story I want to tell. Here’s how and why…

 

Personal narrative

Getting to grips with your own personal narrative will do wonders for your writing. It will show you what you have been through, what it means, and why it may tie into a story you want to tell.

The saying goes that you should “write what you know”, and I believe this to be true because we can only ever truly and authenticity write what we know. There is gold in the emotions and experiences that we’ve had firsthand.

This doesn’t mean that you should write about senior school or that boy who didn’t like you. It means you should tap into your emotions and experiences to find themes and genre and stories and messages in your own life that you want to weave into other narratives. And when you do, the story is more powerful.

Even if the messages are very hidden, you will know they’re there and it will breathe life into the story.

Some ideas of my personal narrative that has been weaved into my stories:

Struggle for identity
Struggle for belonging
Anxiety
Depression
Creative struggles
Fear
Crisis of Self
Resilience, failure, perseverance

 

Depth of character

When you know your personal narrative, it will likely give you ideas on the kind of characters and character experiences you want them to have. This is perfect. But depth of character is more than just that. It’s a whole backstory and detail for your character that may not make it into the story but will still influence what they do, how they speak, how they act, and who they are.

Knowing these things about your character helps you to know them. To really know them. They go from a flat character who’s just a girl with long black hair who wants to a gold medal-winning athlete; to instead being a girl who was raised in an old-school household where girls are meant to do feminine things, and so athleticism is not a career that’s allowed. Where her mom had a hidden dream of being a firefighter but never got to pursue it.

Knowing these things then helps you to realise what this character’s dream really means to her and those around her. How suddenly you can now see her mom jumping to support her in the end and it adds real emotion to it because there’s an actual reason why.

Knowing your character to depths that never make it into the story are crucial to knowing the story you’re telling. And that will enrich the narrative, give birth to new ideas, and have you writing while crying because you care about this character as if they’re a real person.

 

Story and theme

It’s not enough to have a good story idea. Millions of people come up with great ideas for books every day (although most will never write them). What sets aside a great book, or a book that sits with the reader long after they’re done reading, is a book that’s not just plot and narrative but a real story.

You see, plot/narrative is different to story. As Pixar’s writers said, the plot of Monsters Inc is two monsters harbouring a human child and trying to get her back home before she jeopardises their world. But the story is something else entirely…

The story is where the meaning is. The story is about a man becoming like a father to a child, and choosing that child over his own safety and personal pursuits. It’s about choosing connection and love and responsibility and protection of a child over success, fame, and showmanship which used to be what Sully cared about.

So tell me, which is better? The basic plot which could be done by anyone? Or the deeper meaning and story that’s there alongside it?

The story gives your novel substance. It is perhaps more important to know the story and meanings over the plot. The story’s depth will give you the plot points later. But as with this example, the story is something that can be placed into any genre or setting. This could be a man’s journey of growth instead of a monster’s, because it doesn’t matter.

What matters is the meaning and the message they wanted to convey – which was wrapped in a children’s film about monsters, how awesome is that? One of the creators said that he was becoming a father at the time, and this helped to develop the narrative. See, it came from his personal narrative as mentioned before.

 

Knowing your personal narrative, the depth of your characters, and the story/message will give your story substance, something of which not many novels have. Substance, when done right, will be what makes a reader connect with the story, emotionally feel its message, and want to come back to it again and again.

And that is the power of actually knowing the story you want to tell.

Stories fall flat or go unfinished when we’re writing, but we have no real idea of the essence of the story we actually want to tell. We’re writing about a girl pirate but why? What does it actually mean? Why are you telling this story? Why does it need to be told? What does the reader get from it?

Not all stories need to change the world or make you think, but all stories need, well, substance and that comes from knowing what your story is about underneath the narrative.

 

Happy writing, guys.

How Others See Us: Identity

*Part of the Identity Series*

 

When I asked my grandparents who they are, they couldn’t answer. When I asked them how they thought others would describe them, they suddenly could answer.

When I asked my mom, she listed some great things about herself, but then she said other people think this and that about me though; and I can’t deal with others very well.

So, this made me think: how does other people’s view of us affect our identities? Or rather, our sense and perception of our identities?

 

Self-Esteem

I think self-esteem plays a big role in how easily our sense of personal identity is affected by other people’s view of us. A confident, self-assured individual is less likely to believe a bad narrative that someone else has of them, compared to someone with low self-esteem.

I have low self-esteem. I think it has gotten better over the years, but it is definitely still low. This is why I care what people think of me (subconsciously). This is why I can allow other people’s views about me to cause me to question who I am.

So, does this mean that people with low self-esteem have less of a chance to form an accurate personal identity/self-image? I think so.

 

Validation

Most of us, even if we deny it or don’t realise it, do care what others think. As much as we try not to, we care because we seek validation from others. It is often not good enough for us to feel that we are a capable writer, for example. We want other people to tell us that we are, in order to validate that part of ourselves and our abilities.

But is this fair? Does external validation lead to the formation or solidification of one’s true identity?

 

“I think therefore I am.”

This is a popular philosophical idea that means that what we think about ourselves becomes who we are. I believe this to be true, but especially now in today’s world of social media and sharing our lives, it can be altered to this:

“They think, therefore I am.”

External validation is important to all of us, and so we base who we are on what other people validate to be true about us. It’s like a stamp of approval.

 

Belonging

Another reason why we care so much about how other’s see us is because of our natural, instinctual need to belong.

Belonging is a means of survival. Back in the times of cavemen when danger was all around us, we needed a group of people to help us hunt and survive. If you’re left all alone, you’re vulnerable, weak, and prone to death.

Of course, things are different now but the need to belong is still very much alive in us all.

It makes me think of a typical American High School, where there are groups of people segregated in the cafeteria. The jocks, the punks, the geeks, the musicians, the drama club, and so on. The reason this happens is not because we are all cut-and-paste, but because we all want to belong. And so we wear a skin, pick a group, and try to blend in.

We then have our tribe, our place, and we are safe in that space of belonging.

But what happens when you’re the misfit? The kid who doesn’t have a group? You don’t belong and so you feel like something is wrong with you.

When we’re out of school, we fi3w2nally see that we can grow out of the group identity that we had given ourselves. We realise we weren’t like those people deep down. We realise we don’t need to belong in that way. We grow into ourselves.

So, why do we still search for belonging even in adulthood? I discussed this in a previous post: Belonging and Community in Adulthood

 

 

Society

Following on from my previous point, society has its power over use because it endorses belonging.

Follow the pack, fit in, be happy.

This is why there are social norms that society approves of; it’s a way to control us all and keep us in line. When you follow these norms and rules, you are seen as acceptable. You are validated. You are worthy. And this feels good. This allows us to be content with our identity because other’s see us as “correct” to societal standards.

This includes values, norms, rules, laws, expectations, and so on. When people make lifestyle choices that are judged by others negatively, this is because it goes against the norm or the previously formed expectations.

Analysing this, though, many social norms or rules or expectations are outdated:

Pre-martial sex
Marriage
9 to 5 full-time office work
Hard working labour jobs
Having kids before you’re 30
Having kids at all
Education systems
Opposite sex attraction and relationships
Needing to follow a religion
The Golden Formula: School -> Higher Education -> Good Job -> Marriage -> Kids -> Retirement

Where is the space for creatives who need the time to explore their ideas?

Where is the space for same-sex couples with equal rights and livelihoods?

Where is the space for those who learn differently to their peers?

It doesn’t make sense that our society is still restrictive, and at times downright against certain things that are just as much the norm now as anything else. It doesn’t make sense that little has changed in schools, work, and relationships in the view of society and what it sees as “right“.

And this gives room to those who are outside of the norm either seeing themselves as a change-maker (go you!); or more commonly, seeing themselves as misplaced, outside of society, and broken.

And yet we wonder why there is a mental health decline…

[image error]How society blinds us from seeing who we really are…

 

Conclusion

I think how others see us is very important to us all. You’d be lying if you didn’t care a little.

Our self-esteem is both influenced by and influencing our identity through how others see us.

We each seek external validation. When we get it, we decide that our identity is good; and when we don’t, it can cause inner conflict.

We all need to belong and this need drives us to seek validation and to change ourselves to fit in.

And lastly, society is outdated in its view at times but we forget that we are society, and so we have the power to change it.

 

Feeling like other people see you as wrong, bad, or weird (or whatever else) can lead to a poor sense of identity. It can lead to inner turmoil which causes depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, hiding away, or worse.

I think it is important for us all to regularly revisit who we think we are. The awareness of how you view yourself versus how others view you is important in ensuring that who you are is not based on social norms, a need to belong, or seeking external validation. That who you are is the true, authentic you, whether that aligns with what society wants or not.

Being you, despite what others think, is the bravest thing any of us can do.

 

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Question Your Beliefs

*Inspired by Elizabeth Gilbert’s Super Soul Conversations (Oprah’s podcast) episode: “The Curiosity-Driven Life“*

 

We all have beliefs and values, whether we know them or not. They sit within us and create our outlook on life. Our perceptions, perspectives, thoughts and feelings, and interpretations will mostly come from our deep-rooted beliefs.

If this is the case, shouldn’t we be taking our beliefs more seriously? I think so.

But do you actually know what your beliefs are? And if you do, have you ever thought to question and challenge them?

Well, you should…

 

Beliefs about the world and life

All of us have beliefs about the world, knowingly or not. A belief that our country is dominant over others. A belief that the world is cruel and unfair. A belief that money isn’t something that we can ever personally obtain. A belief that we have no place in the world, and so on.

Beliefs about the world and life in general have a huge impact on how we operate in the world. Who we interact with, who we love, what we do, what we see, and so on stems from the beliefs we have.

Pay attention to what your attitude is when you watch the news. Pay attention to who you associate with. Pay attention to your outlook and mindset when out of your home or travelling. These will give you an insight into the deeper beliefs that are always at play for you.

The saying goes, “you don’t see people or things as they are, you see them as you are.” Which means that whatever’s going on inside, manifests on the outside and obscures your view.

 

Beliefs about others

This ties into the aforementioned point. Our beliefs are shaped by experiences and knowledge. It is for this reason that things like racism or sexism or homophobia (etc.) is only ever down to experiences and upbringing.

Say someone had a bad experience with a Black person early in their life. They may then form a negative belief about Black people, which then creates a strain on their relationships and encounters with Black people as a consequence.

On the other hand, someone could be brought up by racists, sexists, or homophobic parents or carers. They are told this lie and that lie about certain groups of people, which then creates a belief in their minds that the person is simply certain is true (of course it is, my mom said so).

If we never question our beliefs, we can live our lives with very false and downright idiotic beliefs about groups of people.

 

It’s not just about prejudices or discrimination, though. Beliefs can cause us to judge people generally, too. To believe that how they live their life is wrong. Beliefs can make us choose our friendships or interactions with care, being selective of who we talk to. This isn’t great.

We deprive ourselves of special and surprise encounters and friendships or connections when we do this. Instead, better to open your mind and be curious about all types of people from all walks of life. Old or young, rich or poor, educated or not, creative or sporty, veggie or meat-lover, and whatever else.

Everyone has value, and they just might surprise you.

 

Beliefs about yourself

This one is perhaps the worst. When we allow our self-beliefs to go unnoticed, we allow ourselves to run on autopilot. Our thoughts, feelings, relationships, pursuits, and life in general just runs on a track that we never question or fix.

Big mistake.

Knowing yourself is massively freeing, useful, and beautiful. We can never learn to love ourselves and trust ourselves if we don’t first know ourselves. And knowing yourself includes recognising your core beliefs.

Beliefs are very powerful, but even more so when they are about ourselves.

 

Imagine that you believe you are ugly, you will look in the mirror and see a tainted image of yourself that isn’t the real you.

Imagine that you believe you’re a bad writer, you will continue to self-sabotage and procrastinate and hide your work.

Imagine that you believe you will never find love, you will subconsciously seek out the wrong people for you, or push people away, or never try at love at all.

If you have low self-esteem, a poor life situation (that’s within your control), or no dreams or goals or interests at all, you must look at your beliefs.

 

Question the things you think you know about the world, others, and yourself.

 

Our beliefs are the foundations of who we are. They supply the groundwork for everything else that we build for our lives. But unlike buildings, we are able to change our foundations (our beliefs) and begin living differently.

How?

By first questioning them:

Journal – Just write and see what crops up; free writing my thoughts and feelings has helped me to realise a lot about myself
Meditate – Being too busy and always on the go does not allow time to stop and look within; meditation (among other quiet activities) gives us the time and mental space to get clear on what’s going on inside of us
Walk – Same as meditation
Pay attention – Don’t just do and speak without being aware of what you’re doing and saying; paying attention and being more self-aware will give us an insight into our belief systems and what they’re making us do…

 

And then challenging the beliefs:

Once you begin to see some evidence to what your beliefs may be, it’s time to challenge the unhelpful or wonky ones…

Evidence – Make time to find evidence for or against your belief; this is an activity that my therapist once gave me; pay attention when out and about and see what comes up to prove your belief is true or false (but you must be careful of negativity biases and false perspectives when doing this)
Perspective – Take a moment to actually gain some perspective on a situation or encounter with someone; did you prejudge them, did you act out of emotion, did you assume something that wasn’t true, have you put yourself in their shoes? Take a step back and look at the bigger (true) picture as a whole
Talk It Out – It can be hard to talk about our beliefs, but doing so can help to change the way you look at things; speak to someone you know who’s open-minded or who holds different views to you and allow yourself to truly listen and take on-board what it could mean for your life
Journal – Again, journal it out! Take an idea or belief and jot down why you think you have it, what it means, and whether it is serving you or hindering your life
Act – In order to really change a belief, you will need to act on it regularly; it will fight you because this belief is likely to be years in the making; your actions are trying to undo years of growth, so chip away at it slowly and patiently but with truth and a desire for better
Authenticity – Always try to see the truth, no matter how ugly; always try to craft the life you want and the beliefs you need to bring that life into fruition; and replace wonky beliefs with solid, beautiful ones.

 

Personal Example: I had a core belief that I was boring (which contributed to my Social Anxiety). I questioned this and realised it is not true. I went to find evidence to prove it wasn’t true e.g. someone laughing at my jokes or reading my work. And then I replaced the belief with the truth, which is “I am a worthy person with a lot to offer; the right people will see that and love me and enjoy me for it.”

 

Our beliefs are important. They are shaping our lives every day. They are the lens through which we see the world. They are the limits or freedom of our minds and spirits.  Beliefs can make you ill or make you well. They can send you to success or push you to failure.

Not happy with your life? Look to your beliefs. Got a scarcity mindset? Look to your beliefs. Poor relationships or interactions with others? Beliefs, beliefs, beliefs…

 

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