S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 37

Start a Friendship with Yourself

I won’t pretend to be an expert on friendship! But I will try to explain that if the terms self-love, self-care, and self-compassion (etc.) don’t resonate with you, then perhaps the term Friendship will sit better with you…

Friends or Friendship is defined as “a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations.”

How wonderful would it be if we could make friends…with ourselves? To have a bond and affection for and with ourselves?

How? Let’s see some of my ideas…

 

Get to know yourself

What do you do when you first meet someone? You get to know them! And so, yes, you’ve literally known yourself your whole life, but there’s still so much that you don’t realise about yourself yet.

How can you get to know yourself:

Journal deeply, for long periods, in free-form stream of conscious style (you’ll be surprised what can come up)
Spend more time alone
Spend time in quiet not doing much
Try new things to see what you like or what you’re capable of
Ask yourself questions (in your journal or notebook or whatever; find so many journal prompts online)

 

Take yourself out

Another way to get to know yourself and deepen your friendship with yourself is to take yourself out on friendship-dates! This means spending time alone but outside of your home. This will really show your true colours and test how comfortable you are in your own company.

You should be able to have fun by yourself!

You should be able to watch films, eat dinner, play games, complete challenges, travel, whatever, all by yourself. Not that you don’t need or want others, just that you know you can be by yourself and feel happy and comfortable in that space.

 

Listen to yourself

Any good friends will listen to one another. They hold space for one another. They support and lift one another up. You should be able to depend on a friend to be there for you. Not in a co-dependent, toxic way. Not without boundaries. But instead, to be a crucial part of your support system.

This is what you should be for yourself. Hold your own damn hand!

How to support yourself:

Respect yourself and what you want
Put yourself first
Know your values and metrics for success so you’re clear and focused (cut out the noise of society and those around you)
Meet your own needs, don’t depend on others for this (where possible and appropriate)
When you fall short, express compassion and mercy for your mistakes or failures
Trust in your own intuition and gut feelings for decisions
Assert yourself
Integrity and authenticity: holding your power and staying true to who you are
Have your own back and stick up for yourself: don’t shrink

 

Look after yourself

Again, you take care of your friends. If they were sick or in need in some way, you’d look after them, right? Do that for yourself, too!

Self-care isn’t for burn out or stress or struggling mental health; self-care is a part of everyday life.

Self-care comes in many forms, and it depends on what you need in each moment, each day. But it just means putting your needs first. It means getting those needs met. It means just bloody well caring for yourself, in any way you need, without guilt.

Self-care could include:

Sorting out your finances
Having a nap
Going abroad
Speaking to your boss about fewer projects or hours at work
Asking for a raise at work
Seeking more support from your partner with the kids
Taking a break from your creative projects
Going for a run
Decluttering your wardrobe and rearranging your space
Journaling out all the gunk from the day
Getting a massage

 

Be your own cheerleader

Our families may not approve of everything we do and how we live our lives. But our friends should, or at least they should sing our praises and support us anyway. And so should you.

Even when no one else is clapping, it should be your own applause that sounds throughout the arena.

Clap for your own damn self! For the big wins and the small wins; for the defeats and the bruises and the knockdowns and the knockouts. As Brene Brown says, if you’re in the arena, that’s all the counts; not the critics sitting in the stadium judging from afar.

Be your own cheerleader while you’re in the arena. Be your own coach, parents, friend, all of it.

Again, it’s not that you don’t need anyone else. It’s just that the greatest and longest relationship you will ever have is with yourself, so make sure it’s a good one. How do we do that? Well, we work on that relationship everyday.

 

Sincerely,

 

S. xx

 

Evolving: Choosing Growth Over Comfort (podcast)

So, I’m moving out of my family home for the first time and therefore this massive transition is forcing me to grow and evolve. There will be moments like this throughout all of our lives, where we’re called to grow and learn.

We only have one choice to make: evolve or remain the same.

I’m talking about choosing to level up, gaining new experiences and lessons along the way; new obstacles and challenges for growth; and reflecting on how comfortable “comfort” is anyway?

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/evolving-choosing-growth-over-comfort.m4a

xx

Mindset Shifts About Racism and Inclusion

There’s a lot we still don’t know about the history of people of colour. Indigenous peoples. People who laid the foundations of our world, and had their lands and resources stolen from them with brutal murder, oppression and enslavement.

But there is a lot to learn about our world and ourselves in discovering more in our histories. We are ALL affected by these systems and internalised and institutional racism and prejudice against anyone who is not a part of (or at least close to) the Dominant Culture.

*Dominant Culture: cisgender male, straight, white, able-bodied, middle-class.*

 

It’s in the past

FACT: Unless you are a world-renowned historian who somehow had a great education on ALL world history and perspectives, it is likely that there are a great many gaps in your knowledge about the history behind our institutions and nations!

You may know some things, but not the whole story, frankly.

Apparently, the British government of the time have admitted to hiding and destroying historical documents from the 20th century and before. They wanted to erase what they had done to colonised nations. They wanted to scrub their bloody, dirty hands clean.

But their hands are not clean.

Anyone who thinks that slavery is in the past. Or oppression is in the past. I have a few questions for you:

What “past” are you referring to, exactly? Slavery, which was abolished in America in 1865, but is still real in some parts of the world? Apartheid which only ended in 1994 (a year before I, a mere 25-year-old, was born)? Or George Floyd‘s death not even two months ago (among the long, LONG list of black boys and men who didn’t deserve to die)?
Do you actually know all the facts about this so-called past you’re referring to, which you think we should all forget now? Because you can’t, or at least shouldn’t, move past something that hasn’t even been acknowledged…
Do you really think that the past has no place in the present and our future? Do you not think the past is the structural foundations of our world, and therefore something to be looked to, remembered, and learned from?

Come on!

We need to hear the stories of the past. The fact remains that we just don’t know about these things enough. We’re all so scared, or ashamed, or uncomfortable that we hide. But hiding and silencing only allows racism and exclusion to continue.

Sharing stories, honouring the past, speaking the ugly truth leads to healing.

Read about histories other than what was taught at school
Question what you’re taught in the classroom
If you hold any power or position, teach these things in classrooms
Keep learning

(Natives, Why I No Longer Talk To White People About Race, and This Book is Anti-Racist are books I’ve read so far that have an extensive, interesting and eye-opening collection history I knew nothing about).

 

Diversity < Inclusion

Many people genuinely feel like they aren’t racist because they have friends who are people of colour. Or their office is diverse and therefore their boss isn’t racist or prejudice of any groups.

No, no, no!

There is a difference between diversity and inclusion. A difference between seeing a person’s colour and seeing a person as a colour.

Let me explain…

Many institutions have to hire “diverse” groups. They look bad or will be penalised for excluding people of colour and people with different sexual preferences than the perceived “norm”. Therefore, when it comes to hiring, at times, they select a person of colour just to fill a quota, not because they see the merit in that individual.

How sad is that?

If you want to really know if an institution is problematic, look at the heads of the company. Are they all white, cisgender, straight males? Yeah, I thought so.

So what we need is not diversity, per se, where it is easy for businesses or even everyday individuals to pick the gay black girl. We need INCLUSION. We need these people to be part of the conversations. To be in the boardrooms. To be calling the shots. To be making the decisions in order to make real change.

Put people of colour in positions of power, like they so rightly deserve
Allow all kinds of people to be an active, and HEARD part of the conversation
Put PoC on the TV screens as MAIN CHARACTERS WHO AREN’T STEREOTYPCICAL OR PROBLEMATIC
Give PoC the awards and recognition they deserve

Not for TOKENISM! I am not here to stand for all of my race or ethnic group!

 

Being called-out

I’m so glad to hear that some white people are holding their hands up and actually welcoming being called-out! Being called-out means someone has spoken up and told you that something you’ve said or done was problematic or offensive.

This is not an invitation for an argument or conflict. It is an invitation for learning, connection and self-improvement.

It takes an intelligent, mature person to be called-out and learn from it and be respectful and empathetic, instead of rude, passive-aggressive, dismissive, defensive, argumentative, or other. So, well done if that’s you! If not, you can still try harder next time.

We all can learn a lot from less talking, more listening.

You do not get to tell someone how they should feel.

 

We are the majority

Stop calling us minority groups. “Ethnic minorities.” We are the Global Majority. We are not small. You do not dominate over us. You can’t push us all together in your little boxes with your suffocating labels.

We are the Global Majority. We will not be minimised.

 

Working on being anti-racist? Great! Welcome, Ally! Click the link to my blog post here for more on what to do…

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

 

 

Feeling Safe: What Makes a Good Relationship (not just romantic)

Aside from feeling physically safe, which we all should feel in relationships, I wanted to explore some other ways that we should feel safe with our closest connections. This is what a healthy relationship looks like between two people: they both should feel safe to…

Safe to be your true self

Firstly, you should not feel like you have to hide or be someone else while you’re with someone special. A good relationship means you belong, and belonging means being your true, authentic self without fear of losing your worth.

Safe when being vulnerable

You should be able to be with that person and open up completely. They don’t take your vulnerability as a weakness. They don’t get uncomfortable when you’re vulnerable. They open their arms, meet you with empathy, and hold space for you.

Safe to express feelings, opinions or points of view

You should know that when you share your own thoughts, ideas, opinions and feelings that you won’t be judged, ridiculed, silenced, or shamed. That your thoughts are valued and welcomed. That you’re safe to be seen and heard.

Safe to belong

As I said, belonging is true safety. Belonging isn’t fitting in, which is hustling for worth by trying to do what you think will get you liked and accepted.

“I get to be me if I belong. I have to be like you to fit in,” Brene Brown

Belonging means “this is me” and being met with “I see you and love you unconditionally“.

Safe to change and grow

No one who loves you unconditionally will ever clip your wings (not intentionally). They will support you and help you to grow. You should feel safe to do what you need to do for you.

Safe to be independent

This means that you feel like you can do your own thing without being unhealthily attached to that person. They don’t make you feel guilty for spending time alone, having your own interests, or basically doing you. And you shouldn’t for them, either.

Safe to express yourself unapologetically and free

This means that you can share your creative and personal expression with them openly without fear. Dancing wildly; sharing a story you wrote or a piece of art. They may be honest if it’s not great, but never in a way that makes you personally feel less worthy. You are safe to share without threat to your value.

Safe to be naked (literally and figuratively)

In romantic relationships, you should be able to feel safe to be naked in front of that person (in every way). You shouldn’t feel unsafe in that they will disrespect your body. This means physical harm or emotional harm from ridicule or shame.

 

Safe to be open and have an open heart

This means to be honest, open, and uninhibited. You know that you can air out any feelings without worry. You can keep your heart open without fear that it will be hurt by that person. They protect your heart. They honour your feelings no matter how hard they are to hear.

 

Safe to fail and make mistakes

You should never feel like you have to be perfect. That there’s some standard you must consistently meet in order to be valued and worthy. They must make you feel safe to be imperfect, to make mistakes, to fail and stumble; to be human.

 

Safe to lean on them and feel supported

Just as you should feel safe to be independent, you should also feel safe to seek help when needed. To not feel judged for low moments as if they are weaknesses. They shouldn’t shame you for reaching out.

 

Safe to do what you need to do for health and happiness

You should feel safe to make your own choices and do whatever you need to do for your best life. They shouldn’t stand in the way of your health, happiness, or successes.

 

Safe to be more successful than they are

Safe to make more money, get better grades, run faster, lift more, write more, and whatever else. Safe to succeed without fearing what they might think about it. They clap for your successes without resentment or bitterness, comparison or hate.

 

Safe to like different things or make different choices

You must still love and respect and accept one another regardless. Love doesn’t mean holding on tightly and being the same and doing what each other say. Love is acceptance. Love is letting go. Love is trust. Love is unconditional.

 

Safe to set boundaries

Lastly, you should feel safe to set boundaries, even if they’re uncomfortable. This goes back to doing what you need to do to be healthy and happy. If that means certain boundaries need to be in place to keep it that way, so be it. That person should respect that and support it. You shouldn’t feel any less loved or accepted for doing so.

 

There you have it, some of my ideas about what a good, healthy relationship needs between two people. You both need to feel safe, in every way.

Take care.

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

Focusing and Simplifying Goals (podcast)

What are your goals for the rest of 2020? What are your goals for next year? What are your life goals?

I don’t know about you, but I have a tendency to freak myself out or get overwhelmed and disheartened by a long-term goal or big life choice. Why? Because focusing on that goal too much, only further outlines how far you have left to go.

What’s the solution? I have an idea…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/focusing-and-simplifying-your-goals.m4a

xx

Free podcasts and videos that help with anti-racism (that I’ve listened to or watched)

Not everyone has the money for books or the time for lengthy reads, but we all can spare time to listen to podcasts and videos that are summing up a lot of what the books are saying. 

Nothing can REPLACE reading  a book, but so far I’ve seen authors and speakers share their views and black history. I’ve seen black YouTubers speak up. I’ve seen and heard some valuable stuff that makes me clap and go YES! at the TV.

So, here are just some of the stuff I’ve watched or listened to myself that I can say were valuable for sure.

(It’s really great to hear white people joining the conversation and admitting to their ignorance or complicity or privilege and vowing to change/educate themselves. Hopefully they practice what they preach.)

 

Podcasts

(Don’t have Spotify? That’s fine. All of these podcast episodes should also be available on Apple Podcasts, Pocket Casts, Castbox, etc.)

Brene Brown speaking time Austin Channing Brown (author of I’m Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness)

Brene Brown speaking to Ibram X. Kendi (author of How to Be An Anti-Racist)

5 Lessons From Malcolm X by Jay Shetty’s On Purpose

Shame and Accountability by Brene Brown

Interview with Laverne Cox by Brene Brown

About Race by Reni Eddo-Lodge

 

YouTube videos

Jay Shetty on being a witness to black murder (soooooo powerful and emotional and true)

Silence is Violence, Jay Shetty

Racist Glasses (a funny, silly, video, but shows very clearly what we have come to believe about racial groups)

How to Be An Ally (very clear, very important, from a black woman)

America is the Fire Nation (funny but true! Has a key message in there)

Flight Attendant Teaches Racist Passenger a Lesson Prince EA

LOVED THIS VIDEO: The Philosophy Project on BLM (she’s white herself and speaks about the statues, white fragility, white pride, white privilege, horrid history)

Why We’re Racist & How It’s Our Fight Too by Amy Lee

What I think about black lives matter (Very deep and important from a white-passing mixed race woman)

Ibram X. Kendi: Stamped from the Beginning 

Ali Abdaal 5 Lessons I’ve Learned About Racism (so good and eye-opening!)

“But I’m not racist” (She was so spot on and it was great hearing all this from a white woman, thank you!)

American Education and Black Lives Matter

Lavendaire on Black Lives Matter and Humanity

Black Lives Matter is Trendy Now

Prince EA Why This Will Keep Happening

Seeing White Fragility

BookTube & Allyship

Being black on booktube and what it means to be an ally

10 books you MUST read to learn about racism

 

BLOG POST from Every Girl: https://theeverygirl.com/ways-to-be-actively-anti-racist-in-your-daily-life/

 

A Few Videos in the Watch Later playlist:

Let’s Get to the Root of Racial Injustice

Three Myths About Racism

Black LGBTQ Book Recs

 

Watching these should hopefully get the ball rolling and have YouTube begin to suggest other race related recommendations! So this is just the beginning and they’re not even that impressive.

TEDTalks are a good place to go.

There are ways to learn easily, so we all can and should. Thank you for your allyship.

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

How to Take Taking Care of Yourself Seriously

We’re all different with different needs and different ways of going after things that are important to us. But for many of us, taking care of ourselves is something we want (hopefully that’s all of us!) but we don’t take it seriously enough.

 

First things first

I’m writing this as a 25-year-old, diagnosed with social anxiety, suffering from bouts of anxiety, almost overweight (according to the NHS calculator) and trying to be better, like I assume you are.

Secondly, health and wellness is a MASSIVE umbrella category. When someone says they’re a healthy person (or want to be), I wonder if they mean in every possible way?

Money?Fitness?Hair?Skin?Sleep?Diet?Relationships?Communication?Education?Problem-solving?Emotional intelligence?The list goes on and on

We all need to realise that what works for one doesn’t always work for another. As in, it’s your job to figure out how your mind and body works and then make a plan for how to care for it.

Also, it’s your job to recognise the many things that come together to influence and affect your health on a daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, basis.

 

How to take it seriously

Let’s just brain dump some key ideas on what it means/looks like to take our overall health seriously.

Make it a priorityMake it routineMake it a natural habitTrack any progress or dipsHave a checklistA Must-Do list for every dayGo-to practices to keep you stableSelf-awareness to witness and pay attention to how our minds and bodies are feeling: journaling, body scans, mindfulness and being in the moment

So, for me, this looks like holding yourself accountable for your health (not blaming others or giving in to hopelessness), getting a routine together that you know works, and paying attention. Simple!

Not quite.

It’s hard, and it also involves a lot of trial and error. You might think a running routine is great for mental and physical health, but find that you hate running. That’s fine! Not everyone is a runner type. It’s about finding what works for you. What gets your heart rate going.

 

Categories for taking care of yourself like a boss!

Mental and emotional health Physical health Financial health Social health

All areas of health overlap and coincide with one another. As in, if you focus on your physical health (working out, eating well, sleeping well etc.) you are likely to feel better within yourself emotionally and mentally, too. Your mind will work with you, rather than against you all the time. You may feel more confident and that will impact your social health, too.

BUT, this isn’t the same for everyone and it doesn’t work as perfectly as that. “If I work out and eat well, everything in life will be perfect!” No, no, no…

You need focus and attention in all of these areas. At the very least, checking up on yourself and how you feel in all of these areas.

Something feels off? Attempt to find the reason and seek solutions/habits that you can implement to feel better and healthier.

 

Resources

I would be here forever if I tried to explain all areas of health and all the ways you should try to take care of yourself as a whole! Instead, I created a checklist for overall health that you can download for free and refer back to every other week, in order to check-in and get to know your body, mind, social life, finances, and emotions!

Overall Health checklist download here!

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Last Thoughts

So, if you finally want to take care of yourself seriously, bear all these things in mind.

Health is not an end destination where you’re done, you’re perfect, you don’t need to do anything else.Many things are influencing your health every day; toned abs and glowing skin aren’t all that matters.There’s a difference between looking good and feeling good. Seek to gain both.There’s no real one-size-fits-all formula, I’m afraid!Health is not a trend! Don’t believe everything you see on social media.If you need help, get it. This isn’t about your body size; it’s about your body image (how you see your body, no matter it’s actual size, says a lot about how healthy you are internally)

 

Better health is not a punishment; it is freedom.

 

There’s a lot to learn about how to be healthy; open your mind, practice, take in new information, and care about what it means for YOU to be the healthiest you that you can be!

 

Health is a lifestyle; a choice you make every day.

 

Take care.

Sinrerely,

S. xx

How to Open Your Mind to Possibilities

Today I’m doing a rambly philosophical chat inspired by the idea of balance, spectrums, and not being all this or all that. How we are all on a continuum, shifting up and down, never fixed…unless we decide to be.

Going ten levels deep on:

Awareness of our eternal subjectivity and our perception of life
Opening our minds and our hearts
Seeking balance and spectrums of truth and being
Empathy and understanding of ourselves and others
Constant lessons from the school of life
Finding hope through opening your mind
Adopting a Growth Mindset

Want to open your mind and heart to see, feel and experience more in life? Here’s how to open your mind and go further…

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/open-your-mind-talking-balance-perception-truths-awareness-for-seeing-possibilities.m4a

xx

How to be an Ally: What True Long-lasting Allyship Means to Me

*For those who don’t know, Allyship or being an “ally” isn’t just for the Black Lives Matter movement! We all can and should be allies to other communities, ones we’re not a part of.

For example, myself as a cisgender female being an ally to the LGBTQ+ community. Or as a Mixed (Black and White) non-religious woman being an ally to the Muslim community, especially when they’re faced with horrid terroism and “taking over our country” disgusting racism.*

 

So, what does being an ally look like? Here are my beliefs…

 

Calling out people you know on things that sound racist or prejudice. Or acts that seem (or are!) racist. (Don’t keep leaving it to the person of colour to do so; if you’re white yourself, sadly, people may be more likely to listen to you.)

Point out to your boss, “hey have you ever noticed that this office isn’t very diverse? Why is that?”

Check your own biases: Do you always read white authors, and white characters? Do you always make friends who white people? Date white people? It isn’t racist, necessarily, but it’s a bias you might have and it’s your job to question and fix that.

Read more widely: Black or brown people don’t write stories that aren’t for you as a white person! We can (and should) all read from perspectives of people who don’t look like us or live as we do: it’s eye-opening and beautiful. It helps us connect and understand one another.

In times like this, check in on your friends of colour.

If you can, in times like this, donate.

In times like this, check on your transgender friends (I presume you all heard about JK Rowling’s tweets…) or if you have none, read up about the trans experience so you can understand their pain.

Share resources so that other people can self-educate about race and institutions set up to exclude people of colour.

Read and self-educate about the creation of race, racism, systems, and institutions throughout history and the aftermath we experience today.

Don’t assume you have the same pay, rights, experiences, worries, or fears as a person of colour if you’re white. Check your privilege, meaning the closer you are to the dominant culture (white, cis male, straight, able-bodied, middle class or higher) the more privilege you have.

LISTEN, LISTEN, LEARN, LISTEN SOME MORE!

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

 

Analysing Our Insecurities: Intelligence

This post is a rough analysis of intelligence as a key insecurity that many of us have. I had analysed this for myself by myself first, but I wanted to share because doing so felt very therapeutic and eye-opening.

Some of it is in short-form, like a stream of consciousness of ideas to do with intelligence and how we see it in our Western culture.

I hope you find something from this, too…

 

Defining Intelligence (considerations)

Formal education comparison:

Degree educated versus not – are people who have a certificate of higher education better in terms of intelligence than someone without?

• Degree educated versus a doctorate – What about two highly educated peoples, but one has taken their formal education further?

• What you study in terms of social perceptions – And does what a person chooses to study change your view on their intellect? A doctorate in Literature versus one in Biomedical Science, for example? As a society, we have an idea of what is an impressive subject to know a lot about, and what isn’t.

• Is formal education all about knowledge, though? You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. As with knowledge and intelligence, you can lead a person to facts and figures, but you can’t make them think deeply or newly about that thing. That, in my experience, can’t be externally taught.

 

Language and speech comparison:

Where you’re from affects how you speak and your beliefs, your morals, your vocabulary.
Who you spend more of your time with will inform how you speak.
How you speak has a correlation with intelligence; as in, you are less intelligent if you speak fast and slurred, use slang or curse words, limited vocabulary range and speak loudly. More intelligent if you use the Queen’s English, articulate yourself clearly, have a wide range of vocabulary, annunciate, use lesser-known words, and rarely curse or use colloquial language.
As someone from Birmingham, from an immigrant family, and a poorer neighbourhood, I did always feel set up to fail and never be seen as intelligent. I hate hearing my voice in recordings, and I wish I spoke more like a Londoner or Oxford posh.

What you enjoy and intelligence:

• Different hobbies are put on a pedestal, too, as worthy or interesting or even, yes, intellectual.

• Reading, writing, self-study = impressive, intellectual hobbies, but what about a person who enjoys football or video games? Typically, not as much.

• Creative types are sometimes not seen as intellectuals, either. They’re more airy-fairy types.

But as Einstein says, “Creativity is intelligence having fun!”

These ideas of what is a worthy hobby and what isn’t takes away from the purpose of a hobby anyway: to have fun! Hobbies are a part of leisure, recreation, entertainment and self-exploration. They’re not supposed to be all that serious, it’s a way of being a balanced, well-rounded individual.

If one person lets off steam through video games and another through reading, that’s personality and preference, not intelligence.

Society

Our perception and beliefs shape what we deem to be intelligent/a form of intelligence in ourselves and others.

In our society, intelligence isn’t:

Getting the answers wrong
Failure
Mistakes
The majority of the population
Vocations and creative outlets
Reading fiction or mainstream genre books
Lacking confidence in one’s abilities

In our society, intelligence is:

Getting the best grades
Going to a reputable school
Studying a reputable subject
Studying, studious, hard-working personalities
Reading classics, non-fiction, and educational texts
The minority/ standing out above the rest
Confidence in one’s abilities
In-depth knowledge
Good at tests and quizzes
Being right
Making the right decisions

 

It’s none of that…it’s how you think; your ability to think

 

In a nutshell, intelligence is how you think. Your ability to think deeply, creatively, and widely. Intelligence is problem-solving, creation, innovation, insight, wisdom, perspectives, consideration, analysis, reasoning, common-sense, awareness and so much more.

Above all else, it is learning…

 

Difference between knowledge, intellect and wisdom

Knowledge = knowing things, facts and figures

Intelligence = is thinking deeply

Wisdom = is more spiritual, an awareness, insight, and depth that is profound and enlightening

Many people can be taught things and retain that information; memory. They therefore have knowledge of that thing; information, facts, figures to recite. But intelligence is something beyond that. Yes, you should know things, of course, but can you take it further? Can you analyse what you know? Utilise what you know? Question what you know? Can you think critically for yourself without reciting the thoughts and feelings of others before you? Can you come to creative and innovative conclusions?

 

Knowledge is defined as, “facts, information, and skills acquired through experience or education; the theoretical or practical understanding of a subject.”

“awareness or familiarity gained by experience of a fact or situation.”

Define intelligence as, “intelligence has been defined in many ways: the capacity for logic, understanding, self-awareness, learning, emotional knowledge, reasoning, planning, creativity, critical thinking, and problem-solving.”

“Ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills”

“ the ability to learn or understand or to deal with new or trying situations”

Understanding
Mental capacity
Skilled use of reason


Critical and creative thinking

So, intellect is the use of your mental faculties. To be able to apply what you know, not just recite and know it! This means taking in information and analysing it in your mind. Seeing what it could mean critically as well as creatively. Using judgement, reasoning, emotion, awareness, skills, knowledge, experience, creativity, logic, and problem-solving mindsets all when needed to come to conclusions and solutions – of your own making, therefore it isn’t “right” or “wrong” as we know it.

Openness

All intelligent people, truly intelligent people, are open-minded. You can’t learn and analyse and come to real effective conclusions or creative innovative ideas without openness. To be willing to see the bigger picture, other perspectives, and consider the possibility that what you thought was right, was actually wrong (or is subjective or relative and therefore the simple answer of right or wrong is suddenly not so simple).

This is why gaining our intellectual values from formal education is harmful to us. In formal education, we are not rewarded for being wrong. In real life, we are. When we are wrong, we have the opportunity to learn new things. Yes, in a classroom we can do that, but that’s very hard in a setting where they are trying to teach you and praise you for being right all the time; getting the best grades is ultimately the goal.

To cultivate intelligence, we need to always have an open mind and heart. To have an awareness of the world and the people in it and how it’s not a matter of right and wrong, but usually a spectrum, a middle ground, a grey area of what can be true all at once.

Learning and thirst for knowledge

Knowledge and intelligence are not synonymous, as I’ve pointed out. Instead, intelligent people aim to gain a wide range of knowledge to use and apply in life. What does this mean? It means learning…always.

Intelligent people know there is no endgame. No end goal in mind where that’s it, you know everything. Instead, they want to learn because it feels good. They take opportunities to learn at every avenue.

You were wrong in a discussion? Great, don’t get defensive or bitter or ashamed; instead, ask for more information. Seek to be educated. Someone has another point of view? Great, entertain it, ask more, allow them space to share. You don’t have to agree in order to be mature and open and learn from other perspectives. New documentary? Let’s watch! Interesting book? Let’s read. A friend heard something interesting? Great, let them share! Curious about something? Research it!

With self-awareness, we realise that in life, we are always learning. We should always be learning.

It’s about a Growth Mindset, not a Fixed one. That’s intelligence.

Maturity

A mark of a truly intelligent person is their maturity. Not to say that children can’t be intelligent, of course, I mean intellectual maturity. Good judgement, responsibility, sound reason, emotional awareness and emotional intelligence (emotional management, too), and understanding of the self.

You don’t need to be perfect to be intelligent, as I’ve hopefully highlighted, but you do need a level of self-awareness. To see why you perhaps did what you did, in retrospect. That you understand an emotion when it crops up, even if you don’t always handle it well or know where it came from right away.

Intelligent people are natural self-developers. Not in the trendy way of today’s world, but in terms of wanting to know themselves better, heal, communicate better, know and learn and grow. They don’t seek some perfect ideal self that is complete; they embrace the journey of always being a worthy unfinished project with self-compassion as their key tool.

Intelligent people make mistakes intellectually and in everyday life. They self-sabotage and hate and react poorly. But what they don’t do, is blame the external world for that. They have the maturity to take responsibility with self-love and learn from that experience and aim to do better in the future.

Intelligent people will act well with others, too. Not because they are perfect social creatures, but because emotional intelligence means understanding the depths of another’s emotions and needs, too.

Intelligence is adaptability and freedom to consider all possibilities with maturity; again, a Growth Mindset.

 

Types of intelligence:

In 1983 an American developmental psychologist Howard Gardener described 9 types of intelligence [1]:

Naturalist (nature smart)
Musical (sound smart)
Logical-mathematical (number/reasoning smart)
Existential (life smart)
Interpersonal (people smart)
Bodily-kinesthetic (body smart)
Linguistic (word smart)
Intra-personal (self smart)
Spatial (picture smart)

(https://blog.adioma.com/9-types-of-intelligence-infographic/)

 

Mantra for better intelligence beliefs, values and metrics:

“I value learning and growth in intelligence. Openness and self-awareness are the true marks of intelligence, not any societal metrics like good grades or how many books I’ve read or what I choose to study.

Being wrong does not threaten my intelligence, instead provides the opportunity to gain more knowledge and perspectives. There are different expressions of intelligence, and as long as I play to my strengths, learn more in ages where I am weak, and seek to further my knowledge with curiosity and enjoyment, I am an intelligent person.

No one else threatens my intelligence. No one and nothing can take it away from me. It is no external thing. It is not determined by society or old agreements. I know I am intelligent, and I’m intelligent enough to recognise when I’m not acting intellectually.”

 

There you have it, my analysis of intelligence in order to remind myself that actually, I’ve very intelligent indeed!

 

Sincerely,

S. xx