S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 33
November 17, 2020
20 things to do to end the year with happy cosy vibes
Sincerely,
S. xx
November 9, 2020
(Podcast) Goodbye for Now: Lessons, Changes, 2021 and More…
I’m saying goodbye for the rest of 2020. I’ll be speaking to you all again soon in 2021, hopefully with a better year ahead of us as a world! I’m talking briefly about my own life, changes, and things I’ve learned and have yet to learn. Take care, all, end on a high and keep growing…
Speak soon!
Click to play…
xx
November 4, 2020
“Psychoanalysing” the People We Love
Firstly, DISCLAIMERS! I am not saying we all need to become therapists or psychologists and start diagnosing our family members with mental health issues, and highlighting traumas in our friends!
I’m not saying that I am in any way a professional with the ability to diagnose or psychoanalyse anyone…like at all. What I mean by “psychoanalyse” is just to think deeply about the people you love and the potential (emphasis on potential, not actual) reasons for their behaviours.
I naturally psychoanalyse people. I don’t know if it’s my empathy and intuition; or that I’ve studied psychology (3 years total, basic understanding); or my interest in personalities and human behaviour in general. But sometimes, I’m quite good at it. And the reason I keep doing so is a reason why I’m sharing this all with you today: it helps me understand people better and therefore treat them better…
Let’s discuss…
Empathy
Psychoanalysing someone just means taking a step back and putting time into trying to gain a deeper understanding of their interior. There beliefs, thoughts, feelings, past experiences, personality, and so on.
All the things that work together to make them who they are and how they act in this world.
Why does this matter? Well, it should matter a lot when it comes to those closest to you, and it can even help with those who aren’t as close.
Take for example your brother is angry and says something horrible to you. You can take that as him being a jerk. You could write him off as a good for nothing brother. Or, with some emotional maturity and emotional intelligence, you can take a moment to think about a reason for why he behaved that way.
This is not to say that you should give people a free-pass to be jerks just because they have a “reason” for it. Hell no! But it does help you to handle situations differently, bringing me onto my next point…
Compassion
Once you have identified a potential reason for a behaviour, you can be kinder because you’re not simply reacting to anger with upset. Anger on top of anger on top of anger is just fuel to an unnecessary fire. Instead, you should put that distance between you and the feelings evoked by the situation. Then, you are able to open your heart a little more.
Say you discovered that you brother had just had a fight with his wife or got some bad news at work. This helps you to be like, “Ah man, I’m sorry you’re hurting right now. Is there anything I can do?”
This compassion then unifies instead of dividing you. It calms the situation right now an bridges connection with kindness. And most likely, once calmer and having explained, your brother will apologise for what he said anyway.
Unity
As I said, that unity is there when the emotional reactions are taken away. When we bring understanding and reasoning into play. Maybe through your analysis you realise that it’s something much deeper. Perhaps a deep core belief in him, or an emotional scar he has yet to shed.
It is not your job, nor should you attempt to fix this emotional wound in this person. You love them, and so you may want to do so. But that work is self-work that they need to recognise and do for themselves.
But maybe you could help them to see it. Or allow them to at least feel this space to open up with your support. Again, be careful. People don’t like being told who they are or have their past dragged up in front of them.
Sometimes, just you knowing it yourself (or potentially seeing something there) is enough for empathy, compassion and unity which is so important for any lasting, strong relationship. To choose to love one another, see one another deeply, and look beyond initial reactions at the potentially deeper and uglier truths underneath instead.
Some things you may consider/discover playing a role:
Toxic MasculinityChildhood trauma (big, small, everything in-between can leave echoes in our adulthood)PerfectionismAttitude/relationship with parentsSchoolingShameWhat was and wasn’t allowed growing upWhat they consume (TV, books, education, social media etc.)Their love languageTheir valuesTime of yearPresent circumstances
Warnings…
Do not assume you have the right answer (assumptions be bad and lead to miscommunication and divide)Do not, as I said, diagnose or push an idea onto someoneDoing this too much is unhealthyIt’s about emotional intelligence and trying to understand someone, rather than judgement or diagnosis or assumptions or predictions
Sincerely,
S. xx
November 2, 2020
You Don’t Know Anything! (podcast)
Let me tell you, in case you didn’t know, it’s okay not to know everything! It’s okay to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion!” Wow, what a concept!
Today I’m talking about how we need to all take a step back and appreciate what we don’t know as an opportunity to actually learn.
Click to play!
xx
October 28, 2020
Why I Embrace Being Known as the “Nice One” Now
For a long time, I was called the “nice one” or people would say, “Siana is just so nice!” and it would upset me. Why? Because I saw nice as a synonym for boring, basic, dull. That I wasn’t the funny one, the smart one, the cool one, the pretty one…just the nice one, and that sucked.
But more and more lately, I’m realising how great this is. Here’s why I’m embracing being known as the “nice one” now…
It pays to be nice
You catch more flies with honey, so the saying goes. I’ve found that it’s true. I have old friends from school who I can still be friendly with. If I ever needed something, they’d help if they could. Because I’ve never upset anyone or burned any bridges, those bridges remain and it’s good to have them there if you need them.
People don’t mind doing things for you when you’re nice. You’re never (I don’t think…) the topic of gossip or drama. It’s a simpler life, I’ll tell ya!
Niceness feels rare lately
Listen to this week’s podcast episode to hear my take on the state of the world. It feels like everyone is angry and bitter or sad and low. People are hurting one another. People are dividing rather than uniting. People are being selfish and small-minded and not thinking about others and the wider picture.
Kind, good, loving people are rare, beautiful gems right now.
I’m not saying they’re not out there. But it FEELS rare. Especially on social media and the news, which is wide spread. So, I want people around me to feel good. If they see me as nice and know that I’m kind to them, that’s perfect.
People need nice people the most
We all need humour and pretty people to fancy. We all need inspiring, talented people to motivate us. We even need mean people to help build our resilience and self-belief. But above all, we all need kindness in our lives. In our hearts. We need to know that people are fundamentally good, otherwise we live in some Dystopian world that feels too grey to live in.
When we are at our lowest, we need someone to care. To support and be there and listen and be kind when we can’t be kind to ourselves.
Being a good person is all that really matters
In the grand scheme of things, isn’t life just really about being a good person? At the end of the day, I want to know I made people feel good and valued. Humour is great medicine, and I’d like to think I’m pretty funny (I make myself laugh, anyway), but kindness, goodness, that makes the world brighter.
I want my children to be good, nice people above all
And again, the fact that myself and my partner are known for how nice and good we are, means that I have no real worries about our children being good, nice people, too. That’s such a lovely thing. I want my kids to make people feel good. I want my kids to be the light in the world, too.
Nice is not a synonym for weak, sensible, boring, or pushover
As much as people believe differently, nice is not another word for something dull and easy to manipulate. I’m nice but I know what I want and what’s okay and what’s not. Yes, it took me a while to set up boundaries with loved ones who I lived with, but other than that, I am good at choosing myself and what matters to me first and foremost.
Nice people can be strong. Nice people can be funny, and experienced, and sexy, and talented, and cool, and whatever else.
Nice is a way to act in the world – to make things feel easier and kinder in a life that can be cruel – not a single personality trait that makes up a whole person. Remember that.
Sincerely,
S. xx
October 26, 2020
When the World Makes You Angry (podcast)
I’ve been angry and sad lately. Not in my personal life, because thankfully that’s great, but with the state of the world and the negativity of the people in it. Today, I’m ranting about it all and seeing if we can be and see the light at all right now…
Click to play!
xx
October 19, 2020
Lessons from my Partner (Happy Birthday)
My partner of almost 6 years is 26 years old now! Happy birthday! I wanted to just discuss all the things I’ve learned from him during our relationship. This is just some of the amazing things that I’ve gained from him just being himself…
Click to play!
xxx
October 13, 2020
10 Book and Film Recommendations for the Autumn/Halloween Mood
Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs (just read)Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, J K Rowling (about to read)Pet Sematary, Stephen King (will read after during Halloween week!)Ninth House, Leigh BardugoThe Graveyard Book, Neil GaimanClassic Fairytales (Brothers Grimm etc.)The Handmaids Tale, Margaret AtwoodCirce, Madeline MillerCarry On, Rainbow RowellThe Knife of Never Letting Go, Patrick Ness
Film recommendations for autumn
The Addam’s FamilyScary Stories to Tell in the DarkCocoHocus PocusCoralineThe Nightmare Before Christmas Frozen 2 Harry Potter seriesThe WitchesHow to Train Your Dragon
Happy Autumn, guys!
S. xx
October 12, 2020
Stop Giving Away Your Power (podcast)
In today’s podcast episode, I’m talking passionately about our self-worth and self-esteem and how these are affected by how much power we give to external things. We mindlessly give away energy, power, thoughts, feelings, and time to things that don’t deserve it.
We rely too heavily on external things, when we need more self-trust above all else…
Click to play!
xx
October 10, 2020
Quick Writing Advice: Reuse your old stuff!
As writers, we write a lot… As in, we write often but also a lot in number. This means that there is likely to be thousands and thousands of words that get left behind once you’re done with a project (if it goes unfinished). This means characters and worlds and magic systems are just created and then forgotten about.
How sad is that?!
If you still have those things and they’re unpublished, I beg you not to forget about them. Use them again! Why not?
If a story didn’t work but a character was really likeable, take them out and put them in another story! Who says you can’t? It’s a shame to work so hard on a novel and then because it doesn’t quite work as a whole project, that we just leave it in the ether and never visit those worlds, characters, magic, or vibes ever again.
No!
Instead, re-read those works. Go through and find what works, what you like, and take it out and place it somewhere for use at another time.
Started a new story? Great! Is there any elements of your older stories that would work here?
You’ve already put a lot of hard work into other projects in the past, why not use parts and bring it into this new project to make it easier or perhaps work much better?
Now obviously, don’t force things that just don’t work! Use your brain, beautiful writer person. IF something works, let it work; if it doesn’t, that’s fine, store that thing away for another time, another world.
Happy writing, friends!
Sincerely,
S. xx
