S.R. Crawford's Blog, page 38

Halfway Through 2020: What Now? (podcast)

Today I just wanted to reflect on it being the end of June and therefore we have finished 6 months of the year! How did that happen? Plus, we’ve had most of that time taken away from us, derailing our goals, our plans, and our lives.

So, what do we do now, with another uncertain 6 months left of 2020? Let’s discuss…

Adversity
Perspective shifts
Hope
Adapting and Resilience
What matters most
Do your best

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/halfway-through-2020-what-now-file.m4a

 

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xx

“Wanting to help but scared to speak”

Hey, people. How you doing? I hope you’re okay!

I’ve heard that some white people (and white-passing people) are feeling under pressure and are overwhelmed.

I’ve heard that some are afraid to speak and get it wrong. Or some are speaking and they’re getting their heads bitten off!

Let me just say, in case I wasn’t explicit before in my other posts, I am happy with any and all allies. All forms. Protestors, YouTubers, social media shares, comments, checking on friends, writing posts, donating, people buying and reading books to ACTUALLY learn, you name it.

Doing something is better than nothing. I’m happy to see so many people trying. I’m a big trier (a failer) myself. I love triers! 

I can only speak for myself, but if someone is trying, I’d never bite off their head! That’s so not fair. How can we expect people to try to help if they’re getting attacked when they do?

If they said something problematic, I would (and have) speak to them one-to-one privately to explain why. And then I can only hope that they hear me out and appreciate how I feel (and how others may feel) about what was said.

Again that’s all you can ask for.

It’s only the people saying downright awful things that should be deserving of our anger. The overt racists!

Anger doesn’t help push a conversation forwards. Lead with compassion, love and the benefit of the doubt, where you can.

But also, white person, ask yourself: were you actually attacked or were you just being educated? There’s a difference, even if you don’t like it.

 

When I say we must all speak, we must all do, I don’t necessarily mean ONLINE! I don’t mean you should feel pressured into doing some big thing or say some massive thing in front of everyone online. Some people do this just to show that they’re not racist, but it’s actually empty words if it’s not followed through by action out in the real world.

What I do mean is standing up against racism when we see or hear it.

To take some of the pressure off PoC and speak up for them, too. We’re getting tired of the endless conversations we’ve had to have all our lives.

Unlike white people, we were born into the conversations about race; we can’t opt-out.

 

Get used to saying:

“Hey, that’s not right!”

“You shouldn’t say that.”

“That’s wrong!”

That’s what you MUST do and that is scary but what’s the alternative? Let it carry on? Pretend it’s not your fight? Doesn’t that just allow racism to continue?

That’s why people are saying you’re “part of the problem” to stay silent.

 

It’s about conversations with people you know. It’s listening (really genuinely listening) to the experiences of PoC that you meet.

 

I hope that clears up my stance anyway. Again, all allies in all forms are welcome. Please don’t be scared to stand up against racism. You won’t be perfect, but I’d rather fight for the little guy against the bullies than let it continue, right?

PoC have a pretty massive bully to fight! We need all the help we can get.

 I’m contributing in the ways that I can and feel is important to me:Writing and reading about race and racism.I’m writing from my personal experience as a Mixed woman and having a partner who’s dark-skin black and a mother who’s dark-skin black etc.From my feelings and ideas about what we can do for the better.I’m reading up about the history and how people in America are treated.I’m sharing what I learn as best I can, where appropriate.

I check my family on their prejudices, too. Everyone has prejudices and biases and stereotypical assumptions about communities they’re not a part of. I have conversations with my family about their experiences with racism.

I’m listening to other people’s experiences and views. Checking in on my POC friends. I’ve donated to the movement, too. Every little helps! And I’m sharing videos and podcasts and posts that I think are helpful.

That’s what I can do for now, and so I will. While also taking breaks due to emotional exhaustion, too.

So, from now on I won’t ask for people to speak. To help. You either will or you won’t from here on out. But don’t feel pressured to do it in a certain way. If you’re an ally, learn and help and stand up for the underdog and then you’re welcome here!

If you’re not, bye. Step out of the way.

Thank you.

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

 

My love letter to food: from a recovered “fussy eater”

I say “recovered” in this title not for whimsy or to make fun of people who recover from real illnesses or specific eating disorders. I use this word because I do literally feel like I’ve recovered. Like I went through a time of toxicity; that hurt me and held me back. In that time, I hurt and held myself back.

But I’m past that now, and I’m so bloody grateful…

 

My relationship with food pre-2017

Apparently, when I was little, like under five years old, I did eat more variety. But something happened, I don’t know what, and I began to become fussier.

Yes, that word is now a bit of a trigger for me. I was called a “fussy eater” by family and it was said with judgment, shame, and malice. I was weird. I was different. I was spoilt and didn’t just eat what I was given, the same as everyone else.

Coming from a Jamaican background, on my mom’s side, I was also made to feel bad for not liking Jamaican food. For eating tomato soup with fried dumplings (the only Jamaican delicacy I liked back then) with my dinner, while my siblings and cousins ate rice and beans and jerk chicken and fish and the rest.

 

My whole menu of enjoyed foods was short:

Sausages
Hot dogs
Chicken nuggets
Pizza (just pepperoni)
Heinz tomato soup
Chips

And that might be it. I’d eat mash with Sunday dinner but it was that horrid powdered instant mash mixture. And of course, there were no vegetables. Just mash, Yorkshire puddings and shredded, tomato sauce-smothered chicken.

It’s sad, right?

I want to cry writing this because I was so unhealthy and limited and sad within myself because don’t you think I felt upset looking at the colours in a salad and wanting to like it, but hating it?

You see, I used to literally gag eating vegetables and fruits. Gag. My body rejected what I wanted (and needed) to eat so badly.

I’ve spoken a bit about my social anxiety on my blog and podcast. Food was a massive part of that. At parties, people’s houses, meals, gatherings, whatever, you socialise and eat, right? Well, I was a fussy eater. I felt ashamed of what I ate. It added to the fear of every event I was invited to.

Texture was an issue. How something felt in my mouth: too hard, too soft, too bumpy, too squishy. If I knew what the food was, I imagined a taste and didn’t want it. I didn’t eat a lot, either, which added to my fears and embarrassment when I went out, especially as my teen friends were big eaters (while being young and beautiful and slim!).

The worst experience of my life was out at a restaurant with my whole year group. It was the end of the school year and exams were done and so we rented out a curry house and everyone was there.

But I couldn’t eat.

I ordered a steak and chips because I thought that was safer as someone who didn’t like curry at the time.

But I couldn’t stomach more the three bites of the massive, full plate of food.

Only three bites.

My friends knew of my struggle and tried to help me, but they had already eaten their own filling meals. The waiters came to take the food away, and I just looked so embarrassed and apologised and said I had already eaten at home and I was so sorry.

But we leave the restaurant and we’re out and my anxiety had subsided so now guess what? I was hungry!

For God’s sake.

That wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, it was just the massive scale, all my year group being there that made it worse. They probably thought I had an eating disorder. That was one of my biggest fears, being judged and people thinking there was something wrong with me.

My anxiety was the monster that sat in my stomach and didn’t let me eat.

 

I’d like to thank my Aunt (not a biological aunt, more like a strong family friend) who once said to me in a restaurant that I was allowed to ask for something done my own way. That if they served chicken, I could ask for it plain without the fancy sauces that I didn’t like. She gave me permission to ask for what I wanted; for what I was paying for.

She made me feel normal.

 

My relationship with food post-2017

After two years with my partner, my eating habits began to change. I’d love to have a specific reason why or how, but I don’t. Patrick slowly introduced me to new things, and I tried it. My siblings did, too, and slowly I did like more things. It was only around 2017 when I started cooking more things for myself that I began to change completely.

In 2018, Patrick moved in with us and since we have cooked our own meals and experimented and now…my life is a kaleidoscope of colour…

Crunch and snap of broccoli and cabbage…

Juices squirting from fresh red pepper and cucumber…

The acidic but delicatable scent of onions that make you weep…

Enjoying the true meaning and range of sweet, salt, bitter, sour, and umani on my salivated tongue…

Ending a meal feeling joyous and nourished.

 

Choice and options are before me like never before. Instead of the usual “Pizza or a full plate of nuggets for dinner?” We now get overwhelmed with the choices in front of us!

Chili con carne
Curries
Homemade garlic bread
Lasagne
Pies
Salmon
Sea bass
Spaghetti carbonara
Omelettes
Ramen
Pad Thai
Chicken Chow Mein
Wontons
Battered prawns
Rice! (how did I live without rice?!)
Salad
Stew
Homemade soups
Broccoli, cabbage, cauliflower cheese, spinach, asparagus, Brussel sprouts, red onion, peppers…
Strawberries, pineapples, grapefruits, mangoes, banana pancakes, avacado…

All made at home…How amazing is that?

 

I don’t eat nuggets anymore. I don’t eat the frozen oven pizzas. I don’t eat the frozen chargrilled chicken.

In a restaurant, there’s more than one meal I can eat and WANT to eat. I get a little nervous still (I still have social anxiety) but not as badly. It sometimes depends on who I’m going with and if it’s a new place or not. But I don’t doubt that I’ll eat and enjoy something on the menu; I don’t have to (though sometimes I do) check the menu before accepting to go.

And I never leave a full plate anymore. In fact, I feel excited to try new things and hopefully find something new and delicious!

When I’m sitting there devouring popcorn or eating red onion or broccoli for the third time that day, Patrick will tell me to calm down, slow down! And I just say, “hey, I’m making up for the lost years when I didn’t eat these amazing foods!”

And it’s exactly like that; it feels like sad, lost time when I could have been eating such beautiful foods for longer.

But I’m so proud of where I’m at. Excited for the distance I can still go.

Despite worries about weight gain, I’m just trying to enjoy the feeling of finally, FINALLY, enjoying food.

Thank you, Universe, for letting me do so.

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

Book Recommendation/Review: “This Book is Anti-Racist” by Tiffany Jewell

This is your ticket into the world of anti-racism! It’s a short book, only 160 pages, and an easy read for all – it has pictures and activities and everything!

But in those 160 pages, Tiffany Jewell manages to pack a real punch and deliver so many messages about:

BIPoC history (a varied, deep, eye-opening history)
The colonisation of many countries by many other countries
The lingering affects of colonisation and the stolen resources of now poorer countries
Terms, definitions and meaning behind important language in the fight against racism
Intersectionality
Structural racism, institutionalised racism, personal prejudice, internalised racism etc.
How to be an ally
How to speak up and call people out
How to fight the good fight TOGETHER

 

She’s very honest and so inclusive that it’s wonderful. She’s funny and articulate and very well-educated, clearly, to simply put a deep, long history (and present) into 160 pages only!

I filled 20 pages of my notebook with notes!

So grab a paper and pen, get the book (only £1.99 on ebook) and get reading. Take your time, it’s a lot to take in, but it’s a great foundation for being anti-racist, which is what I hope you all are striving to be.

Thank you in advance for your time and energy.

Let’s help BIPoC authors and creators! Let’s elevate their voices and have their stories heard! Let’s educate ourselves, educate others, and move toward an anti-racist society!

Get your copy of This Book is Anti-Racist here.

Sincerely,

S. xx

Why You’re Unhappy (podcast)

Today’s podcast episode is about why you might be unhappy in life and in general (current awful climate of the world notwithstanding!). I will walk you through 6 ways we make ourselves unhappy, alongside a recognition of the dystopian nightmare we’re living in right now and how I am sending so much love your way.

Click to play!

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/why-youre-unhappy.m4a

*I stand with the trans community. I stand with the Black Lives Matter movement.*

Xx

Black Beauty: a thought piece on being seen as less beautiful

Not black and beautiful. Not beautiful for a black person. Beautiful, end of sentence…

Except in our society, that’s not the case. That’s what people say, if confronted, but it’s not what we’re shown day in, day out.

And actions speak louder than words.

 

My prom photos

When I was 16 and was going to Prom, my cousins and I got professional make-up, hair, and photos done. I looked amazing; they did a great job. My prom photo still hangs in the living room, where I look stunning.

But, when seeing the amateur photos from the night inside the hall, I could see the truth. My face was significantly lighter than the rest of my body… My white-looking face stood out as if I were a ghost in the photos. I was so embarrassed and asked why no one told me…

 

Comparison game

I have never once considered myself to be as beautiful (or more than) my white, blonde-haired, blue-eyed friends from school. Not once.

You may say that isn’t white people’s or society’s fault; it’s my own low self-esteem. But my story isn’t special; every woman of colour has thought the same thing at some point, especially, (though I can’t speak for everyone) when we were young.

Our culture makes us see ourselves as less than; this is internalised racism.

And I’ve always felt less pretty compared to my Mixed sister and Mixed cousins who, coincidentally, are all lighter-skinned than I am. My brother (also lighter) got the hazel eyes in the family, we didn’t, so he’s “gorgeous” compared to us, of course.

One time, my mom’s white friend literally looked right past me, reached for my sister behind me, and professed how beautiful she was.

I’ve only just learned the term ‘white-passing’ which I think could apply to my sister. She is light-skin Mixed Race, small nose, small lips, her hair not as tightly curled or fizzy as mine; her only “black” feature is her big bottom. She could pass for white.

It’s only black people who have ever made me feel truly beautiful, (without being coerced or guilted into saying so). I always thought that only black men would want me…

 

European beauty standards

Not finding products to truly suit your skin tone.“Nude” colour is not your nude.Black ballet dancers need to spray paint their ballet shoes to suit their skin tone.Skin bleaching products.Eye surgery is done by masses and masses of Asian women (Korean is the source that I heard of, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were more).BIPoC not being given as many roles for the beautiful character roles in TV.People of Colour photoshopped to look lighter skinned in magazines and photos (or sometimes darker to make a point)

 

Representation in media

Not seeing a representation of the beautiful non-white person enough. Where the black or Asian girl gets the hot guy. Thankfully, we’re seeing it a little more, but not enough. We aren’t the default. We aren’t the first, second, or third hot person you think of.

I have a few boards on my Pinterest of “hot people” and celebrities I find attractive or cool. Sadly, there are not enough BIPoC people there. Not because I’m not attracted to those people, but because they’re not on the screens enough for us to even see them.

 

A love letter to dark-skin people

I do not know what it is like to be dark-skinned in this world. I don’t think I even like the term “dark-skin” because it sounds almost bad. I have the privilege to worry less and I’m more likely to be seen as beautiful by this Western world than you are.

And that’s disgusting.

My partner is “dark-skinned” and so is the beautiful mother who raised me. My grandfather, my uncles and aunts, my in-laws, my best friend and her siblings, my cousins, and more.

You are all beautiful, and don’t let any other voice into your head that says to the contrary.

This world may still be healing from wounds of its past; a past that coloured all non-light skinned people are less-than, other, a threat, and ugly. But that does not excuse that behaviour in this decade. 

I will keep doing what I can to ensure you are seen, valued, and appreciated. So that my little girl or boy, however their skin comes out, will know they are beautiful and never, NOT EVER, have to question that.

Wear your hair like a crown because you are Kings and Queens. Your skin is exactly as it is supposed to be. It is warm and the sun kisses it every damn day without worry because your skin is melanin popping! 

Please, don’t hide your skin. Don’t lighten it. Don’t straighten your hair and harm it because you think there’s no way your natural hair can be seen as beautiful (I did this for most of my life).

Natural is beautiful, I promise.

 

What to do?Make sure your BIPoC friends know every day how goddamn gorgeous they areCheck your prejudices about beauty and raceRemember and use the names of GORGEOUS celebrities of colour, not just the long list of obvious white ones (You don’t get to cop-out with Beyonce and Rihanna!)Watch more TV shows and films with people of colourIf you work in the beauty industry, question why it’s harder for all races to feel beautiful in the Western worldIf you’re a writer or creator, check where you POC characters and actors are at! (And not as tokenism or stereotypes or other)

 

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

15 Therapeutic and Meditative Activities for Calmness

Calm is something we all need to cultivate in our stressful adult lives. However, we’re not limited to the obvious, more mainstream methods of therapeutic activity or meditative practices: yoga, meditation, journaling, reading, walking, etc.

Here is a list of activities that are very calming because they are gentle or because they take keen concentration that can bring us into the present moment and relax us…

Pottery
Cleaning
Woodwork
Scrapbooking
Knitting, crocheting, macrame etc.
Gardening
Painting
Martial Arts
Colouring
Cooking or baking
Animal grooming
Brushing hair (yours, child’s, dog’s etc.)
Playing with beads or marbles
Swimming
Dancing and singing

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

Book Recommendation/Review: “Everything I Never Told You” by Celeste Ng

I didn’t know if I would like this book. I actually bought it a while ago, but it was only after watching the AMAZING TV show Little Fire Everywhere, that I was drawn back to the author again and her way of writing about people’s lives and race and the psychology of how our past lingers.

Please, go watch the show! It’s important and chilling and clever and the characters are brilliant! It’s a limited series on Amazon.

Or better yet, read Little Fires Everywhere the book (I haven’t yet).

But yeah, Everything I Never Told You (EINTY) is an important read, too, though perhaps has a slower plot than her other book. Celeste herself is a Chinese-American, and so are the central family in the book. Well, the father is and the wife is white. They are a mixed-race, biracial family.

Race does matter in the book and she deals with it very well. Somehow being subtle and overt at the same time! It’s set in the 1970s, so naturally, a different America to what you see today.

(Until 1959, it was illegal in 20 American states to marry outside of your race).

Marilyn’s (the white wife) mother disagreed with the marriage and Marilyn never spoke to her mother again after their wedding. I won’t give it all away, but there’s tension after their daughter, Lydia, is found dead (not a spoiler, it literally says it on the book and in the synopsis!).

The family unravels and they are all faced with the ghosts of their pasts. The mistakes they’ve made. Biases or tensions left unaddressed and hidden.

It’s a powerful book; emotional and real and so well-written. She shifts between past and present to fill in blanks like an expert, which, of course, she is! I’m in awe as a writer myself!

This is a great book if you like mystery, characters, psychology, emotion, realism, and raw storytelling. It’s also a very important book for the times, with the Black Lives Matter movement, as it’s not about a black family, but a family torn apart by racial prejudice and being ‘other’ in their society nonetheless – a story still ringing true today.

 

Let’s help raise BIPoC voices! Let’s read and hear and share their stories! Representation matters. It matters.

Get your copy of Everything I Never Told You here

 

Sincerely,

S. xx

Emotional Exhaustion and Self-Compassion in Trying Times

Right now we are in hard times. 2020 feels like a dystopian novel that just won’t end. It is hitting all of us and I wanted to take a moment to push for self-compassion and to warn you of emotional exhaustion and the very real dangers that come with not looking after yourself right now.

Click to play:

https://srcrawfordauthor.files.wordpress.com/2020/06/emotional-exhaustion-and-self-compassion-in-trying-times.m4a

xx

Book Recommendation/Review: “Ghost Boys” by Jewell Parker Rhodes

I loved this book. I adored it! It was everything: emotional, sweet, funny, socially relevant, politically important, real and raw, hopeful and positive, beautiful, sad, mysterious, scary, informative, horrific… everything!

It is a Middle-Grade/Young Adult fiction book. It’s only 203 pages, I think. I read it on the night and finished it the next morning. It’s “for kids” but it’s one of those books like Harry Potter where all ages and audiences can love it.

I want everyone to read this book, please, please, PLEASE!

It’s about a young boy, 12, who is shot by the police. He tells us his story as a ghost after death and as a boy alive before the shooting (switching between past and present expertly).

He meets other “ghost boys” who are other black boys shot by the police or killed for just being black:

Emmett Till
Tamir Rice
Michael Brown
Korryn Gaines
Eric Garner
Alton Sterling
Philando Castile
Trayvon Martin
The list goes on…

I won’t spoil the book, I just want you to know that it makes you cry and laugh and hold your hand to your heart! His grandma is great, “Tell me three good things!” And his friend Carlos is such a good boy…

The story was very well written, in his voice as a boy. Also, the plot, what he does as a ghost, is so, so, powerful and an important message for us all, especially white people and the police in America.

 

A 100% recommended read, which is a lot coming from me!

Get your copy of Ghost Boys here.

(Not to mention, more BIPoC authors and writers are deserving of your time and money! Let’s help raise their voices!)

Sincerely,

S. xx