Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 7

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are

You finally recovered from your bad breakup. Then out of the blue it happens. Your ex contacts you!

Suddenly you���re hit with a rush of emotions. Does he want to get back together? Has he changed? Will his family finally accept you?

You hate him and yet you think, ���I still love him.���

These are normal feelings.

So, what do you do? How can you learn how to respond to an ex asking how you are?

Well, to know how to respond you first need to do a little self-analysis.

Ask yourself this one question.

Assuming you and/or your ex have solved the underlying breakup issue do you want to get back together?

If yes, then continue below. If no, then there is no need to respond. It���s that simple.

Other coaches will say it���s not polite not to respond ��� I say bull. This is about you and your feelings not his. He���ll get over it like you got over the breakup.

Assuming the answer is yes, here are some suggestions for how to proceed.

How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are?Relax and think things through

There is no rush to respond. Ask yourself if you really want this man back in your life. Many times, the answer should be no. You might be in a wonderful place right now, or you might be dating someone you���re getting excited about.

Do you really want to mess a good thing up?

 

It did not work out the first time so what will be different this time?

Did he seek help for his issues? Or, if were you the problem, did you seek help? Maybe you both were co-dependent ��� did you both fix your issues?

My buddy Rick got back together with his ex, thinking this time would be different. I asked him why ��� what changed that will make things work this time? He mentioned that his ex would not have his delinquent son with her anymore. He was the reason.

I questioned this. Turns out I was spot on. Rick was just talking himself into getting back together by using an outside excuse. The real reason was that she was lazy and just sat around the house all day playing candy crush on her phone.

No brainers

If he emotionally or physically abused you, do not reply! This man is dead to you. Enough said.

Timing is wrong

Maybe you wanted to get married but he hadn���t completed his divorce. Maybe he was overseas. Or you wanted to complete college, so you had no time for a relationship. Timing is often overlooked and can be a major hurdle.

If you feel the timing is now right, then contact him and say hi.

Your values don���t align

You wanted kids and he didn���t. You are an extrovert and he just wanted to stay home. These are things that can���t be compromised. In this case, contact him and see if his choices have changed. If so, get together. If not, kindly tell him that you are both wasting your time.

Make sure you stick to your values. He is not the right man for you if your values do not align so respond accordingly.

How do you respond to an ex asking how you are?

After taking into consideration the six things above, you���re ready to respond. You���ll only be responding if your emotions can remain in check. If they can���t, it���s not time to respond!

Also, you do not respond to someone who treated you badly! Block his number.

Here is how you respond, ���Hi Jim, I must admit I am a bit shocked hearing from you. Without being rude, can I ask why you are contacting me? We ended it because _________ (the timing was wrong, I wanted kids and you didn���t, you wanted to move in and I wasn���t ready etc.) so what has changed?

Hope you are doing well,
Nancy���

Notice I kept it short, I didn���t want to give him anything he could expand on. I wanted to get right to the point while still being polite.

If you get crazy, then he might lead you down the ���rabbit hole of old emotions���. Do not do this! Keep it short and to the point.

Your ex might try to change the subject. He might talk about old memories. Don���t go for it.

If he does say this, ���Yes, Aruba was fun. Again, why are you contacting me?���

If he continues to avoid the reason for the breakup then kindly ask him to stop contacting you.

���Jim, I���m in a good place, please move on like I have.
Nancy���

If he still won���t quit, block his number.

 

What if he answers the question to your liking?

���Nancy, I���ve stopped drinking. I have been sober for 6 months now. I realize that I love you and it was the alcohol that was getting in my way. Can we get together and talk?���

Or, ���I���ve fulfilled my obligation to the National Guard and I am coming home. No longer will we be long distance. Does that work for you? I miss you.���

These are the answers that I want you to hear. Jim dealt with the underlying issue.
Not so fast, though. He will need to prove his words through actions. This leads me to your next step.

Set up a daytime meeting

Mind you this is a meeting and not a date. The daytime will make it less possible for alcohol and sex.

Set it up. Keep your expectations low. Listen and don���t make any decisions until you���re home and have really thought things through.

Involve your close friends and family too. This is a major, life altering decision so take your time. They often have a more objective point of view. They saw you hurting after the breakup and they will be very careful with your heart.

Go for a trial period

You���re still protecting your heart until Jim proves his worth again. Therefore, make it clear that after, say 2 months, you will access the relationship and mutually decide on where things stand.

Remember, the underlying issues must be resolved. If he goes back on a tour-of-duty or starts drinking again then all bets are off!

How to respond to an ex asking how you are summary

Remember, one of you or both must have changed for the better or nothing will be different! I cannot emphasize this enough. I see it over and over again.

This just frustrates you and keeps you from ever wanting to have a relationship because you are too jaded from the yo-yo affect dating your ex.

Be sure you aren���t going into a new meeting with your ex with rose-colored glasses on. Be honest with yourself about where you both are and look for real signs of change, not just words. Men use actions to prove their love and commitment to you, so if all he has at this point is words, he may not be sincere.

The post How to Respond to an Ex Asking How You Are appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You

Love. We all want it. So Why Can’t I Find Love you ask!

Sure, many say they���ve given up, but deep down they���re just frustrated because everything they���ve tried so far hasn���t worked.

I get it. I hear the frustration. I even have readers who get angry at me!

���All men suck.���

���I���m happy just being alone.���

���I���ve given up.���

���Every time I get close to a man, I get dumped.���

But what if you���re simply going about it the wrong way?

What if you opened yourself up to a totally new way of finding love?

Why Can���t I Find Love? Eleven Changes to ConsiderEnd the Misery ��� or at Least the Miserable Feeling

Is this you?

Heck, through the pandemic I was miserable at times too. Our worlds were upside down and nothing made sense. Nothing was normal.

Attempted relationships failed. This led to low self-esteem, potential weight gain and frustration. Ice cream put me in my happy place.

Everything sucked!

So why not accept this and decide to change your attitude starting right now?

Forget men and start working on you!

You���ll be amazed at how your world and relationships will begin to turn around.

How do you do it?

Start with plenty of self-care and self-love. Pamper yourself for a couple of weeks. Then, continue once or twice per week ��� a regular schedule.

You���re worth it. You might feel guilty at first and that���s okay but keep doing it.

The Little Self-Care Handbook is a great self-care resource to help you get your self-care routine started.

Why Can’t I Find Love? Decide to Do the Work

Many women say they want to find love but they don���t want to put in the work required.

When I ask where they���ve gone and what they���ve tried, I get crickets.

It���s like they expect a man to knock on their front door.

He won���t.

Instead of wallowing in self-pity and complaining about nothing working out how you wish it would, brainstorm 50 ideas for hobbies and adventures. Narrow your list to your top 10 and then, pick 1 or 2, sign up and go.

Get exposure to new people and join groups where you���re likely to have something in common with the members. This takes the pressure off meeting a man while you are having fun!

Work? What work?

Commit to the Work of Finding Love

This leads to my next change. If finding love is work, you���re doing it wrong! Get out there and do the things you love.

Take your list and modify it to include coed pursuits. You probably won���t find many men doing yoga or horseback riding, but you might find them in other places like cooking classes or a ski club. Kick boxing and hiking are also great choices if you like those activities or are willing to try something new.

New choices get you out of your comfort zone which builds confidence. This is a win-win.

Expand Your Search Zone

I have spoken with readers who live in small towns with few choices. Everyone knows everyone else���s business. This forces them to pursue long distance relationships. LDR���s make finding love difficult. This leads to more frustration.

Others live in big cities and look for men in all the wrong places.

If you live in a small town, maybe it���s time to consider moving. Online jobs are abundant today. The kids might be all grown-up or might even enjoy a new adventure.

Big cities can be overwhelming. I have readers in NYC that feel alone. In that instance, maybe it���s time for a change of scenery or a change of venues.

City dwellers do better when they join groups of mutual interest so they can make friends and network to meet more people. Hitting a bar in NYC probably isn���t the best bet. But hitting a new micro-brewery with friends can be a welcome change.

Don���t just stay in your hometown or city because it feels comfortable. You can always visit. Change can be empowering!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Expand Your Friend Zone

Finding love rarely works when your social network is all married women.

It also doesn���t work when family members are breathing down your neck to find love.

Communicate to these groups. Ask them to help, not hurt your effort. Tell them you may be spending a few less hours with them in pursuit of new opportunities and new friendships.

They might get angry and that���s okay. It���s time you set new boundaries.

This will be empowering.

Why Can���t I Find Love? ��� Try Setting Firm Boundaries

That���s leads us to our next change to finding love. Setting boundaries.

You���re done with guys who don���t text back or text back days later. If they delay, they���re not interested. Period.

Get my best seller – Weed Out The Users, the Couch Potatoes and the Losers for less than a cup of coffee and fix the problem!

Boundaries mean you���re done hooking up with guys on the first date because that���s what they want. You now date with your head and not your heart. That means no sex until a man proves his worth.

Boundaries empower! They attract guys because boundaries are a sure sign of confidence, and guys love confident women because they are a challenge. Nothing worth having comes without a fight.

Try it. Make a list of boundaries that will not get crossed again. Do this not only with men, but also with your friends and family.

Stick to your boundaries and you���ll feel like you have new super-powers.

Get Over Your Ex

This can be a big problem! If you���re still daydreaming about your ex, you���ll waste a lot of time comparing your new guy to him and the new guy won���t stack up.

Ever.

This puts your new relationship in jeopardy right from the start.

One way to get over your ex is to write a letter to him telling him all the things you don���t like about him and your past relationship. Then read it and burn it, safely of course!

It works. It sends a message to your brain that says, ���I will no longer let this guy control my future.���

If you need more help, check out this great book, He���s Gone Now What.

Stop Trying to Find the Perfect Guy

Your list may read something like this: I want a guy who is tall, dark and handsome, preferably a doctor earning over $200K a year and living in San Diego.

The truth is that those types of lists prevent you from exploring a new type of guy who might not fit that mold but might be the perfect fit for you.

So far, you���ve sought that type of guy and maybe even dated a few men who fit at least some of that criteria, but how���s that working for you?

Instead, throw out that superficial list and get real! Women have this guy in mind from watching some rom-com movie full of idealistic relationships that aren���t real.

The perfect man doesn���t exist. He���s part of your imagination and truth be told, using tight criteria is a way of protecting your heart and avoiding dating anyone who might challenge you.

Look for the type of man you never thought you would want to date.

Try the shy, geeky guy sitting with a group of rowdy men. He���s probably had his eye on you since you walked in but he���s a little wary of approaching. Give him a couple of smiles and hold his attention with a couple of quick glances now and then. This sends him a message that if he approaches, he won���t get shot down.

If you can���t find the geeky guy, go for the guy who looks like he just crawled off his Harley. He just might be a doctor or lawyer and he���s likely to be more down to earth than the tall, dark and handsome guy with skinny dress pants and six-inch points on the ends of his shoes.

By limiting the type of man think you want to date, you���re limiting your possibilities.

Once you get to know the geeky guy and determine he���s not your speed, move on to another type of guy. Keep your options open.

A couple years back, I wrote a book that will help you understand different types of men.It���s called Manimals, Understanding the Different Types of Men and How to Date Them. I let my readers at that time choose the title and it was a perfect fit!

Why Can’t I Find Love? Shake off Your Past

My parents divorced when I was 16. My nights were interrupted by breaking dishes. This affected my view of relationships in a very negative way. I didn���t see love as a good thing, so I avoided it.

I dated and dated and dated. I was looking for someone who would accept me.

Or so I thought.

In fact, I was the problem. I couldn���t accept love, so I didn���t accept them. This hurt them and me. I was an expert in short-term relationships.

Little did I know I was sabotaging my own quest for love.

I took a step back and dug into my childhood for answers.

Seek help from a qualified therapist if you know you���ve been hurt from events in your past. Maybe it���s abandonment issues or something like my experience. Either way, recognize it and get help before you attempt to find love again.

Figure Out Who You Are

You can���t find the right man if you don���t know your true self. You will seek the wrong type of man.

Ask yourself, what is your vision in life? What do you want tomorrow? Next year? In 5 years?

What morals guide you? Do you live by them?

Answer these questions and you���ll start to live the life you create instead of a life that others create for you.

Women love my best-seller, To Date a Man You Must Understand Yourself because it helps you see the mistakes you might be making without realizing it. It���s a compare and contrast story of two young women who make different life choices that guide their relationship outcomes.

Learn How Men Think

Ahh, now we���re in my wheelhouse!

I saved the best for last. This is my flagship operation.

The best and most entertaining way to build confidence is to discover how men think.

This prevents you from blaming yourself when things go wrong and it gives you powerful insight into how to best communicate with a man and get him to do what you want.

Learn not only what he is thinking but how to react based on his actions.

You zig when he zags. This keeps him hooked on you through his desire for challenge and mystery.

Understanding how men think is the missing link to finding true love. They don���t teach this stuff in school!

Get the book that changed dating forever! To Date a Man You Must Understand a Man ��

Why Can���t I Find Love ��� Wrapping Up

Change happens in seconds if you allow it too.

Look over these 11 items and address each one. Spend some time evaluating:

Who are you and what you do you truly want from lifeYour past and how it affects you and your opinions about relationshipsWhether you have boundaries and how to set some that will positively impact your relationshipsIf your relationship with your ex is affecting youIf you���re searching in the wrong placesWhether people close to you are helping or holding you backIf you know how men thinkYour own mindset and how to shake the feeling of being miserable

If you begin making these eleven changes, you will begin to see a positive turnaround in the quality of your relationships, and not just your relationships with men.

So ask yourself again. Why can’t I find love? Now you can!

The post Why Can’t I Find Love? Eleven Changes That Might Help You appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Stop Questioning Yourself and Start Following Your Woman’s Intuition

There’s a strong force within you that cannot be explained.

There’s no pie chart, scientific proof or college course to describe this power.

It’s the opposite of logic.

You were born with it and it cannot be sold.

It is dead-on accurate.

What is it?

It’s a woman’s intuition!

How many times have you had that feeling in your gut that you didn’t listen to?

That voice pushing you to dump the guy, quit your job or move to Paris?

But you didn’t listen to her because it was just a sudden urge and “a sudden urge” shouldn’t be trusted without further exploration.

But that further exploration never comes because you’ve already decided it was just a crazy thought.

And the urge passes…again.

Two years later, you find out that your boyfriend was cheating all along.

Five years later, the job you knew was a dead end no longer exists – the company shuttered its doors.

You should have trusted your woman’s intuition!

I’m Gregg, a man who knows a lot more about your intuition than you do. Yes, I do!

How? Because I know how how men think. And I realize that nine times out of ten, had you gone with your woman’s intuition, you would have solved your problem.

And if that’s the case with men, doesn’t it make sense that your woman’s intution might be spot on with other parts of your life? Your career? Who you hangout with? That trip that you said no to?

I get loads emails every day from women like you and I immediately recognize that they’re upset about something because they didn’t trust their woman’s intuition…again.

They blame themselves over and over for failed relationships.

And when I ask them what they feel inside – they come up with the right answer, the answer I know to be true almost every time!

It’s amazing!

And yet, they don’t use the most powerful tool they possess, why?

Because if your confidence is low, you don’t trust yourself to have good thoughts. You might not think you deserve a job better than the one you have. You might mistakenly think you deserve a guy who treats you like crap.

Sometimes it happens because we pretend to be someone we aren’t. We make decisions to make other people happy. Sometimes we make poor decisions that go against our true urges for reasons we do not even understand.

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How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart

In today’s dating environment, full of websites and apps that can connect people who live anywhere from next door to thousands of miles apart, the idea of a long-distance relationship isn’t that far-fetched. Learn how to save a long-distance relationship from falling apart.

Since this article is a little long, I’ve provided you links so you can skip to the parts you want to read if you don’t have time to read the whole thing now.

What is a long-distance relationship?

Starting from Ground Zero

Top 5 ways to ensure the success of your LDR

Long-distance relationship date night ideas

Is he cheating on you?

Wrap Up

 

What is a Long-Distance Relationship?

I suppose before we start talking about how to have a successful long-distance relationship (LDR), we should get on the same page about what one is.

A long-distance relationship is most often defined as a relationship between two people who live more than 125 miles apart. This means your man probably lives a little more than a two-hour drive from you, at the very least.

Your distance could be temporary, such as when one or both of you are in the military and are away for a while, or even if one or both of you are in college in different cities. It could also have a more permanent feel.

This might come into play if you met online and you both have lives that include jobs, family and friends in separate cities.

Regardless of why there is distance between you, the fact remains that it’s there.  How can you manage the situation if you can’t be with the one you love?

The “We Met Online” LDR

If you met someone online and he lives far away from you, the first consideration you need to make is whether you’re willing to engage in this type of relationship. Deciding to include someone in your life, long-distance or not, is a big decision.

Since you have never met this person before, this type of decision should be delayed until you’ve spent some time together. You may meet in person and discover that all the attraction is gone. The spark you felt online just isn’t there in person.

This happens more often than you can imagine. There are things you can do, before you meet, to avoid this, however sometimes, there’s no avoiding it. The trick is to acknowledge it and move on, rather than cling to something that isn’t working just because you feel disappointed.

The “We Moved Apart” LDR

In some cases, you may originally have lived near one another, but something causes one or both of you to relocate. This happens when someone graduates from college or advanced study, when one person gets a new job, or when someone is deployed as part of their military duty.

In this instance, you should engage in an honest discussion about how you feel. Putting this much distance between you can put a strain on an already strained relationship, or it can add a layer of mystery to a relationship that’s thriving.

There is no right or wrong answer that anyone other than the two of you can come up with.

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Starting from Ground Zero | How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart

If your long-distance relationship began online, meaning you met him online before you met him in person, there are some things you need to know about making sure your first meeting has the best possible outcome.

Sure, as I mentioned above, there is still a chance that your first meeting might fall flat, but let’s see if you can’t take some steps to avoid making that happen first.

Don’t Overshare

The easiest thing to do when you meet someone online, whether there’s distance between you or not, is to overshare.

It goes something like this…

Hey Ashley!

I’m so glad you replied to my first message! I really loved how you included your dog, Arthur, in some of your photos! I’m a dog person too and he looks like he’s a great companion.

Do you have other pets? How long have you had him?

I don’t currently have any pets, but I’d love to get either a dog or a cat soon. I think having a pet helps to keep things entertaining.

What type of career do you have? Do you have a degree? What’s it in?

I’m an engineer right now, but I’d like to move into more of a management role. I’m kind of bored just looking at drawings all day long so I’m taking some classes to help me get the promotion.

Does your family live close? I live about two hours away from my family. They actually live closer to you than to me. They’re about an hour from you I guess. I’d love to be closer to my family some day. Are you close to your family?

…and it goes on and on with him sharing small pieces of his life and him asking questions.

While this type of email seems exciting, it’s a HUGE red flag waving right in your face. Not because he seems like a schmuck. He actually seems like a decent guy. He told you what he liked about your profile pictures. He seems to be gainfully employed and he’s looking for a promotion. All signs of a great guy.

BUT, he’s asked way too many questions for a first email. How do you manage this without coming off looking as if you have something to hide?

Perhaps something like this…

Hey Jeff,

Thanks for noticing Arthur. He’s very special to me and a huge part of my life for sure! And yes, I agree that pets can be very entertaining. Just last week, he got himself wedged behind the TV stand because his ball had rolled back there.

You sure are an inquisitive type, aren’t you? 

If you don’t mind, I’d like to share pieces of myself with you a little slower. I think it’s important for us to save some things for when we meet for the first time, don’t you? I’m excited to find out more about you too, but I can wait for the real deal!

As a reward for your nice comment about Arthur, I’ll give you one answer. I have one other pet, if you can call him that. It’s my pet Beta fish, Stan. He’s more of a blue color and mostly he’s a lot quieter than Arthur.

When you get a chance, how about you write me and tell me about the pet you’d like to get. I’d love to hear more.

Ash

In this reply, you acknowledged the good things he said, and you playfully told him he’d been a little too inquisitive. There’s no need to be mean and the smile emoji helps him know you’re just poking a little fun in his direction.

When you’re communicating through a typed format, it’s easy to misunderstand the words. Be careful of this when you read his replies to your messages and try to make sure that if you’re being playful, you let him know in some way.

If Something Feels Off, It Probably Is

Your gut doesn’t fail you. If something about the person you’re chatting with feels off, block him. Check out the experience Katy had recently.

Katy met Bill online and he seemed like a great guy. He claimed to have kids that were around the same age as Katy’s and, after she pressed him hard enough, he provided photos of three kids. After a few emails, Bill said he was heading out of the country and he’d have limited access to email for a few days.

Katy didn’t mind, but then, things started to smell pretty fishy! Bill sent her an urgent email. He had been in a cab and claimed his wallet and briefcase were stolen. He was out of cash and needed her to wire him $100 so he could get by for a day or so.

Katy immediately smelled a rat and blocked Bill from everything. If he was indeed in trouble, he needed to go to closer friends and family before he tried a stranger. She suspected it was all a game, so she didn’t feel an ounce of guilt.

This story is all too common, unfortunately, and people keep doing it because it works. They latch onto someone with low confidence or someone who believes the best of everyone and the next thing you know, they’re schmoozing them out of their bank account.

NEVER give someone access to your bank account or send them money until you’ve met them in person and have spent enough time with them to know they’re not out to rob you blind. Don’t be afraid to look them up on social media. Ask to meet their friends. Look up the photos they send you on those fake image apps. Be sure before you put yourself in danger.

If He Seems Too Good to be True, He Probably Is

Have you ever met someone and thought to yourself, “He seems too good to be true” but you marched on anyway, only to find out later that Mr. Goodguy turned out to be a loser of the highest order?

When your dating confidence is low, usually due to some negative dating experiences or awful things people have told you in your past, you’ll fall for any line and you’ll easily overlook Mr. Goodguy’s obvious flaws, all because he likes you, or so he says.

Before you go out looking for your next guy, if you don’t currently have one, be very careful of the guy who seems too good to be true. He listens well. He does all the things you think you want a guy to do, but in the end, he’s a true player or loser.

I know a new relationship can be exciting and a guy who seems to be perfect can feel like a huge relief. Finally, a guy who listens.

It’s the same rule that applies in all other areas of your life. If it/he seems to be too good to be true, he probably is.

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Don’t Date with Marriage in Mind

What I mean by this is don’t go on a first date, feel all the endorphins of a chemical attraction and go out to buy a Bride’s magazine after.

This can be especially challenging in a long-distance relationship. You only get to see one another every few weeks, most likely, and each meeting can stir those endorphins all over again. There’s a chemical attraction between you.

Still, it’s important to give a new relationship time to blossom. A chemical attraction doesn’t automatically mean you’ll fall in love and get married. Think back to other relationships that started with tons of heat. Where are those guys now?

I’m not trying to be mean. I’m trying to make sure you date with your head instead of your heart. When you’re first dating someone, you shouldn’t plan to be monogamous, nor should you expect him to be. Date other guys until you feel that one relationship that clicks, not just with chemistry, but with other areas of attraction as well.

Too often, when confidence is low (for either the guy or the woman), they immediately start thinking long-term. This is really an attempt to shore up their own confidence. If this person will make long-term plans with me, I must be worthy of this relationship.

Date a guy to learn more about him. Do different things together. Go different places. Plan different types of dates. If you’ve met a guy online and you go to visit him, don’t stay at his place. Stay somewhere else. There is no reason to expect to sleep together on your first few visits.

Dating is about seeing if you fit. Being engaged is about planning a wedding. Date to find a good fit.

Meet Him in Public

It should go without saying that if you meet someone online, your first few meetings should be in public. Don’t go visit some guy who lives two hours away and go to his home. Meet him in a restaurant, bowling alley, movie theater or wherever, but don’t meet him at his home and don’t invite him to yours.

This should be the case for your first several dates. Do what you can to check him out. Become friends with him on social media. Stalk him a little to see what he’s up to and what type of friends he seems to have.

If you have any suspicions, dig a little deeper. It’s not a bad thing to do a background check on someone if you have doubts.

Your safety should be your biggest concern when you’re meeting someone new. Don’t go into it blindly because he seems like a nice guy online.

Take Things Slowly

Our instinct with new relationships is to move quickly. In a long-distance relationship, you’re not able to see one another as often as if you lived in the same town. You might not see one another for two weeks or even a month. Then, when you do get together, it might not be for very long. You shouldn’t plan to spend every waking moment together, just because you’re in the same town.

But the brakes on and take your time. If he’s really the one, you have all the time in the world. If he’s putting on the full-court press to get you into his bed, take another step back. This might be all he wants from you, regardless of how far away you live.

Sleeping with a guy too soon screams of low confidence and him begging or, heaven forbid, demanding that you sleep with him too soon says he’s a player or a loser whose confidence is low, and he just wants a notch on his bedpost. He doesn’t care any deeper than that.

As I said in the last section, plan very public and different dates. This is how you learn about someone, how you build memories and intimacy together, and how you find out if you’re a good fit. When you go to visit, don’t arrive in the evening, arrive around lunchtime and plan a lunchtime date. Plan to spend the remainder of your day doing something else, or if you live close enough, return home.

Daytime dates have a lower chance of sex. A great guy who’s into you will agree to daytime dates because he just wants to spend time with you. A player wants a nighttime date, in a bar or somewhere he can fill you with alcohol to lower your inhibitions.

You’re in control. After you’ve seen one another several times and you’ve dug into him a little online, you can start planning more romantic outings.

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What to do if You Can’t Be with The One You Love

Sometimes, situations force you to move apart. Maybe a great job offer comes along for one of you and it’s too good to pass up. One must stay behind because of kids, jobs, property or a host of other reasons. Military deployment also forces couples apart and usually with some fear, depending on where the deployment is. In other circumstances, you may move apart due to college or family obligations.

Regardless of the reason, there are some things you should do before the distance comes between you.

Before any decisions are made, you should engage in at least one honest discussion about how you both feel. One of you may be very excited about a new opportunity, while the other may be apprehensive.

Talk about the distance. How often can you meet, if at all? In military deployments, this is most likely not an option. Can you stand to be apart for that long with just Facetime or Zoom chats? Of course, if you’re getting into a relationship with someone in the military, you should make these considerations before you get too deeply involved.

Talk also about how long you’ll remain distant. Can the person who isn’t relocating relocate eventually? Is this a temporary displacement for the person who’s moving? Set a plan for when you’ll be reunited in the same city.

Also set expectations. You’re going to want to talk to him more often than he will want to talk to you. This is just because men aren’t talkers most of the time, like women tend to be. Decide whether you’ll talk every evening, every other day, or whatever. You can even go so far as to set a timeframe. That way, you can both make sure your schedules are clear during those times.

When you set expectations, discuss how often you’ll visit one another. If where you live is home base for him, meaning he has family and friends there, he may want to come visit you most of the time so he can see others as well. It will also be nice, though, to go visit him and get away from friends and family. Decide now what your visit cadence will be. These are all smart steps to take when you can’t be with the one you love.

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Top 5 Tips on Having a Successful LDRExercise Patience

Remember, you’re not the only one who’s being inconvenienced. If where you live is his home base too, he may really find himself missing his friends and family. He may feel isolated in his new location, especially if he doesn’t really know anyone there yet.

When men are struggling with emotions, they tend to retreat. If you feel he’s doing this, it probably doesn’t have anything to do with you and your relationship, so don’t make it personally. Let him crawl inside and lick his wounds. He’ll be back.

After a couple weeks there, he’ll begin to make new friends and he’ll start to feel better. Meanwhile, be patient. If you talk during your pre-arranged time and he seems to want to end the conversation earlier than normal, just say good night and let him be. Don’t make an issue out of it. He will appreciate your patience and he may even share with you what he’s feeling if he trusts you with his vulnerabilities.

Continue Living Your “Regular” Life

Just because you’re now separated by distance, it doesn’t mean you should stop living. This is the time to step up your game. Continue to enjoy girls’ night with your friends or start having girls’ night with your friends.

Pick up an old hobby or start a new one. Get busy doing something to occupy your time. This will help you continue to build your interesting story it will add a layer of mystery to your relationship, especially when you share with him that you just finished a class on how to cook his favorite Asian dish or how to make candles or whatever.

It will also keep you from sitting alone, missing him and wallowing.

At the same time, allow him to find a new life where he is. Let him find new friends and explore new hobbies. Then, when you go visit, you have people to hang out with and things to do together.

If you’re the one who’s relocating, don’t just sit in a lonely apartment wishing you were back home. Explore your new city. Join Meetup groups that focus on things of interest to you. Meet new people. Form new friendships. Even if you’re there temporarily, everyone can use new friends. Join a workout club. Pursue a hobby. Do something, anything, to keep yourself busy and growing.

Practice Radio Silence Throughout the Day

I recommend this for all couples, whether they live together or apart. Don’t text all day with mundane messages about your day.

“Oh geeze, Stan just came into my office wanting me to do an emergency project for him…again!”

“I miss you so much! I can’t wait to see you later.”

“Hey babe, let’s have Italian for dinner this weekend. I’ve got a real craving for lasagna.”

Text him in the morning with a “Good morning. Hope you have a great day” text and then let it go until you speak that evening. This gives you something to talk about and also keeps you from getting aggravated when he can’t respond right away, or vice versa.

Respect the Reason for Your Distance

There is a reason why the two of you live apart right now. Whether that’s because you met online and haven’t committed yet to a relationship or a job or deployment has caused you to separate for a while.

Regardless, there is a reason why there is currently this distance between you. Respect that reason and don’t try to force changes in the situation before it’s time.

You’ll have days when you think you’d be better off to quit your job or drop out of school and join your partner. Resist that urge. If you’ve just met, the time will come when you can plan to be together, if it’s meant to be.

If you had a relationship before the distance entered the equation, there’s a reason you both felt was valid enough to cause the separation. Respect it. Understand that neither of you wants to be apart, but this is the truth of your situation at this time.

Instead of hating the reason for separating you, be grateful for it. This separation has caused you to challenge your relationship in new ways. You’ll have to get and be creative to find ways to spend time together.

When you’re apart from one another, focus on the areas of your life that don’t specifically include your partner, like your job, friends, hobbies or family commitments. Then, when you’re together, you can dedicate your time to one another.

Be Supportive of One Another

One of the best ways to shore up your long-distance relationship is to be supportive of each other during your separation.

This means encouraging him to find new friends and then being agreeable to meeting them when you visit. It means being supportive when he’s having a rough day, even though it’s by phone or text.

It means sharing things with him about your adventures and encouraging him to have adventures too. If he picks up a new interest that means you have to reschedule your regular chat time once or twice a week, tell him it’s okay and encourage him to participate.

The best thing you can do for one another is to continue to be supportive. If he were living in the same town and wanted to join a rec basketball league, you probably wouldn’t hesitate to say yes, even if it forces you to change which night is date night for a couple months.

Be that same supportive wife or girlfriend now. This will help him feel more supportive of you as well. This type of supportive attitude breeds more supportive attitude and it blossoms into a wonderfully successful LDR.

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Long-Distance Relationship Date Night Ideas

I’ve already tossed a few date night ideas out there, but there are so many more. It isn’t really important what you do on a date night. It’s more important that you plan them at regular intervals, especially during your time apart.

Prepare a Meal Together

If the two of you enjoy cooking together, why not prepare a meal together when you’re apart? You can either give him his own grocery list and send him shopping or have the ingredients delivered to him by a local store. Then, make sure he has all the recipes he needs and plan a time to start cooking.

If you really want to make it meaningful, you can also send him candles and a tablecloth to match the one you’ll be using. Send him a bottle of wine and make sure he has a wine glass like yours. The more “together” you feel, the more special this date will be.

Use a video chat app like Facetime, Skype or Zoom to share this time together. You can even have music playing in the background.

Plan a Stargazing Date

This one might take a little more planning, since stars aren’t always out, but try to choose a day in the near future when you’ll both have clear skies. Make sure to have your favorite warm or cold beverage, depending on the weather, and a nice place to sit and look at the beautiful night sky.

Share with one another what you see and the atmosphere around you. What do you see? What do you hear? Is it chilly? You can even get a book that helps you see the different constellations, so you’ll really know what you’re seeing.

This type of date is more about spending quality time together than it is about the other things, like what you see, but being able to describe the intricacies of your environment helps you feel as if you’re a part of one another’s space.

Play Board Games

Yes, you can do this long-distance. All you need to do is make sure you both have the same games. You each end up moving both your own pieces and your partner’s pieces so your game boards look the same, but otherwise, you play just like you would if you were together.

The possibilities are endless on what games you can play. My family plays cut-throat Monopoly, but I know a couple who loved to play backgammon together. Some people prefer games like Scrabble or Yahtzee. It doesn’t matter what you play. The important thing is to spend that time together doing something fun.

Heck, you could even do something like Wii bowling or another video game activity. Some even offer the ability to play with others online, so if video games are your jam, this can be a great date night idea.

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Is He Cheating on You?

First of all, if you’re constantly worried about this, chances are you need to shore up your confidence a bit. You’re not so much jealous as you are lacking confidence in your ability or deservedness to be loved.

However, if something happens to cause you to think he might be cheating and this isn’t a feeling you have frequently, it’s worth investigating. Here are a few signs that he might be cheating in your long-distance relationship.

I should also say again, however, that if your relationship is new, dating other people is okay and this isn’t an issue for you. He isn’t cheating. He’s trying on different women to see who fits and you should be doing the same with other men.

But, if your relationship is older, here are some signs to look for.

Cheating Isn’t More Common in LDR’s

Let’s begin by stating that just because the two of you live apart doesn’t mean there is a greater risk of cheating.

Cheating relates more to the status of your relationship, regardless of where you both live, than it does about the distance between you. If someone is going to cheat, the distance won’t matter.

What Constitutes Cheating?

Ultimately, this is between the two of you, but generally speaking, cheating is more about whether or not a layer of secrecy and intimacy with someone else develops. Someone’s expectations about the relationship were violated.

What truly matters when it comes to cheating is what matters to both of you. Generally speaking, people consider it cheating if there is a sharing of emotions, feelings, thoughts or bodily fluids with someone other than their partner.

Things you feel should be exclusive between you. Again, this is in a committed relationship and not a new one.

When you set expectations for your relationship, after you establish that you have one, clear those things up. In a committed relationship, you should feel comfortable sharing your feelings and vulnerabilities with one another. This comes with trial and error. You share something small and test the waters. He’ll do the same. Then, when you feel comfortable, you’ll share something bigger.

Those things build intimacy and it’s when intimacy is shared with someone else that cheating most often can be defined. If he’s hanging out with a group from work that happens to include women, he probably isn’t cheating. If, however, he starts spending time with one of those women on a regular basis and things seem to be close between them, it might be time to ask a few questions.

Be sure to have open communication, after you’re in a committed relationship, about what you each consider to be cheating and then be careful not to cross those lines.

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Subtle Signs of Possible CheatingHis Behavior or Patterns Change

Be mindful of changes in his patterns or behavior. If he always sent you a “Good Morning” text, but now those have dropped off, you have a warning sign. This doesn’t mean he is cheating, but it’s one sign that something might be up. It could also be that he’s been working late and his mornings are busier because he’s not able to get up and moving as fast.

Other signs of behavior or pattern changes include:

Not sharing as much about his day-to-day lifeNot talking about your future together any moreA reduced call/text/email schedule from your usual agreed upon scheduleNot coming to visit as oftenLess interest in sex, whether in person or apartLess frequency or a compete drop-off in “I love you”, if you’ve said that alreadyHe’s Too Busy for You

In a long-distance relationship, your time together is the reward for suffering the time apart, however, if he seems to be squeezing you into his life or he starts changing your visits to be less often, something might be amok.

His “busy-ness” might also happen throughout the week, when you’d normally be having a date night or chatting on the phone. If you feel as if you’ve become a much lower priority in his life, chances are someone else may have risen to the top.

Again, this is less true in a new relationship where dating others is still expected.

His Communication Drops Off—A LOT

Sure, there may come a day or two when he can’t chat with you at your predetermined time, but if, all of a sudden, his unavailability becomes more frequent, there could be someone else he’s spending his time with.

Make sure there isn’t a valid reason, like a work project or family emergency that’s keeping him away before you jump to conclusions, but this is definitely something to note.

Another way this may show is if he stops answering your calls. Not being able to chat during normal working hours is one thing, but if you know he’s not at rec league basketball and you were scheduled to chat, he should be picking up your calls. One time doesn’t make him a cheater, but repeatedly ignoring your calls might.

Things Feel Rushed When You Call

When he calls, he seems relaxed and ready to chat with you, but when you call, he can’t get you off the phone fast enough.

This should give you a reason to consider cheating. Why does he want you off the phone so fast when you call? Perhaps because he either has someone with him or he’s expecting someone to show up soon.

When he calls you, he has control over his availability. He can call you when he knows he won’t be busy with someone else.

Like the other signals, one instance of this isn’t a reason to worry, but repeated instances is.

All Your Calls are When He’s in Transit

He calls you on his way to work or on his way home. He calls you when he’s at work or on his way home from the grocery store. He never calls you any more from his home.

This could be because someone else is there and he can’t talk. If you’ve just met a guy online and he’s pulling this, he may already be married. If you had a relationship prior to the separation, you need to consider that there’s someone else cleaning his shower.

He Doesn’t Socially “Share” You

A guy who’s in a committed relationship is happy to share her with his friends. He won’t be wary of posting pictures of the two of you together. He’ll accept that “In a Relationship” Facebook status.

He will invite you to hang out with him and his friends when you’re together.

A guy who won’t share that he’s in a relationship with you is a guy who has something to hide, or a guy who isn’t as serious as you are about the relationship. If it feels like he’s hiding you, chances are he’s hiding something else too.

He Suddenly has an Entirely New Group of Friends

It’s fine to make friends at work or even as a result of joining a team or a Meetup group, but if he suddenly gains a collection of new friends outside of those circumstances, chances are they came with a new woman. They’re her friends.

Taylor and Brad had been together for a couple years. They’d even recently bought a house together, but suddenly, Taylor started noticing that Brad was bringing around a new group of friends. Sure, he’d just started a new job, but these weren’t friends from work, and he grew up in a different city, so they weren’t childhood friends either.

Still, Taylor didn’t think a lot of it until one day when she saw a text come through on Brad’s iPad. She didn’t work until later and he was already at work. The text was from one of the women in the group, and there was no doubt that Brad and this woman were more than casual friends.

That was the end for Taylor and Brad. She left that day, they sold their house together and both moved on. Looking back, it really got to Taylor that this woman had visited their home together several times, as “one of the gang.” This was what hurt her the most.

His Stories Don’t Align

When you start lying to someone, it gets challenging to keep your story straight. He may have told you last week that his new softball team practiced on Monday nights, so he couldn’t chat with you then. Now, he can’t chat on Tuesday and he claims that’s practice night.

He might tell you he was hanging out with friends last Saturday but then when you ask how it went, he draws a blank until the memory of his lie pops back and he’s able to recover.

Watch for these inconsistencies. Liars add lots of details to make their story seem plausible, but they often can’t recall all those details later. This doesn’t mean you start acting like a game show host, quizzing him about the details. Just be aware of a pattern of inconsistencies.

He Overreacts

If you sense inconsistencies or that something is wrong and you ask about it, he might overreact if he’s cheating.

This can be out of guilt or his own inability to handle conflict. He may even turn the situation on you. “You’re always so suspicious” or “You overreact to everything I say” or whatever.

When you have a good relationship and you raise a concern, his first reaction shouldn’t be an overreaction, accusations or paranoia. In a solid relationship, he will hear your concerns and reply with something in a way which shows his compassion and concern for your feelings.

What to Do If You’re Suspicious

First of all, all of the signs mentioned above can be explained in other ways besides cheating. It’s important that you don’t jump to the wrong conclusions too fast.

Instead, you need to facilitate a conversation that is as open and honest as it can be, without getting defensive or turning into a shouting match.

Ask him about his work – have things been busier than normal? Is this why he hasn’t called as often? Be patient and unaccusatory. Ask questions that probe without being downright negative.

It may be that if he’s cheating, he will feel greatly relieved to tell you and get it off his chest. At that point, you can decide what your next steps are. If he’s cheating and you can’t accept him back, that’s completely reasonable. Take the steps you need to dissolve your relationship including shipping his stuff to him and getting your own stuff back.

If he denies cheating but you still suspect, you’ll have to do some detective work on your own to uncover the truth.

I have two alternative solutions.

The first is to try to get him back. For that, you should read my best-seller, How to Get Your Ex Back Fast.

The second is to let him go and work through the loss in a healthy way. To do this, you should read another best-seller I wrote called He’s Gone, Now What?

To be honest, you should read He’s Gone, Now What in either instance as it helps you work through the emotions of a breakup, regardless of who initiated it or what caused it. How to Get Your Ex Back Fast will help you deploy powerful tactics that will have him begging you to be his girlfriend again.

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What to do if You Can’t Be with the One You Love – Wrap Up

With today’s technology, there are many ways in which you can make a long-distance relationship work. Of course, there are pitfalls to any relationship, but if you go into a long-distance relationship with a set of reasonable expectations that you work on together, it should be smooth sailing.

Of course, like any relationship it takes time to allow it to grow and become the relationship you both dream of, but if it’s built on solid ground, this won’t be a problem.

If you’re willing to put the time and energy into this relationship, just as you would with a relationship in which you live closer together, you can learn how to save a long distance realationship from falling apart.

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The post How to Save a Long-Distance Relationship from Falling Apart appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Dating After 30 Within the Social Media Dating Culture

Below is an article that my friend Wendy Dressler from the Blog Frog sent over for you today.

Social media has become the primary way we meet people, for dating and otherwise. There’s been an explosion of dating apps which cater to every desire, preference, and kink.

Simultaneously, our profiles have turned into a portfolio that deems us worthy of romance.

 

So, what happens when you’re dating after 30, ready to settle, but you find yourself in this scenario? How do you navigate this new playing field? Let’s examine the situation and share some useful tips.

A Double-Edged Sword

On the one hand, you could see this social media explosion as a facilitator for dating after 30. After all, every interaction is an opportunity. Online dating enthusiasts have options for finding a match.

The first comes in the form of dating apps. Everybody’s on the same page from the get-go, making it much smoother.

If you’re not on an explicit hunt for a new partner, your regular social networks can also become a way to put yourself out there. Instagram and Facebook are the obvious choices, but there’s a way to build connections even on less interaction-based platforms. Can you use TikTok for dating? Absolutely.

On the other hand, you might be apprehensive about the whole idea. The entire flirty social media presence can be intimidating. Counterintuitively, dating apps are your best bet.

Steering Clear of Hookups

Of course, this rule only applies if you’re not interested in hookups. There’s nothing wrong with some fun, casual meetups between consenting adults. There might be trouble if you’re in it for something more commitment-based, though.

Many people join dating apps for sex only. Luckily, they’re easy to spot.

They’ll want to meet you in real life as soon as possible.They’ll suggest late-night dates that might include alcohol or drugs.They won’t ask too many questions about your hobbies or interests.They might date other people while talking to you.

Unfortunately, some people are more subtle about their intentions. If you end up on a date and later realize it wasn’t leading anywhere but to their bedroom, don’t beat yourself up. We all fall for such traps sometimes.

Confidence is Key

Showing yourself for who you are is vital. That way, you don’t have to put on a facade – people already liked you when they saw you on the app.

When it comes to visual representation, choose pictures that you feel suit you. Also, don’t be afraid to use tools to make your self-representation more flattering. A TikTok video editor or a face app that enhances your best features will make you feel better in your skin. Don’t go overboard, though, and end up with a result that looks nothing like you.

Then, consider the traits you like most about yourself. Perhaps you enjoy debating people, or you’re a good listener, or you love cracking jokes. Focus on your number one characteristic while coming up with a bio and own it.

Be Honest

At this point, your match pool should already consist of people you’d like to date. It’s time for honesty about your intentions.

Discuss what you’re looking for in your new relationship. For example, instead of letting the other side pressure you into a sudden romance, openly disclaim that you’re looking to build a friendship first.

Another way to rid yourself of losers is by choosing the location of the first date. Whatever you want from the relationship later, start by going to a public place in the daytime. Choose a spot you enjoy so you can determine how well you click in that area, too.

Dating After 30 | Define Your Search Criteria

Finally, let’s discuss dating app technicalities. Depending on the platform, you can determine:

GenderAgeDistanceProfession and hobbiesThe amount of information on profilesWhat they’re looking for

You won’t swipe right only because somebody’s attractive. So, implementing these criteria helps you see only people that meet other standards, too.

It Takes Patience

Overall, you’ll have to take your time. Set yourself up for a positive outcome by using the right apps, being truthful and confident.

After that, you’ll still meet many people before you run into a person you like. Once you do, though, it’ll be worth the trouble.

The post Dating After 30 Within the Social Media Dating Culture appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Ahh The Delights of Self-Care Sunday!

Self-care is something we all need but many of us don’t integrate into our lives. One great way to fix this problem is to implement a practice of self-care Sunday.

I know. I hear you. Sunday is either your day of rest, a family day or a catch-up day. You don’t have time to pile in some ridiculous self-care Sunday routine.

Hear me out, okay? It won’t take you more than a few minutes to read this article and then, if you still think it’s not for you, no problem.

Why You Need Self-Care Sunday

I honestly don’t know how women do it. You go all day, every day, doing three things at once, seemingly without a break. Men can’t do this. We must do one thing at a time.

The thing about going ninety miles an hour through life is that at some point, you begin to feel either overwhelmed or burned out. This can cause you a frustrating mental shutdown and those never seem to happen at opportune moments.

By instituting a self-care Sunday routine, even if it lasts just thirty minutes, you’re avoiding that overwhelm or burnout.

What Exactly IS Self-Care Sunday?

By name, you might think that you’re being asked to set aside an entire day, once a week, just for yourself. Seems like a lot, doesn’t it?

Yes. It does.

But what if you committed to setting aside just an hour of that day? What if you could take one hour to clear your mind with meditation, a hot bath or some other activity? What if you were able to spend that hour reading a great dating book or practicing a creative hobby?

The idea of self-care Sunday isn’t about setting aside an entire day. It’s about saying, “Hey, it’s Sunday and I’m going to do something for me today.” You don’t need do the same thing every week or even set aside the same amount of time every week.

All you need to do is snag an hour or two, more if you want to, and declare it as your own to do with whatever you want. The more you do it, the easier it will be and the more you’ll look forward to it from week to week.

What Should You do?

This is totally up to you. Some people like to get out into nature. Others like to listen to music or read a book. Still others just want some peace and quiet and they don’t care where it comes from.

It really depends on you and what your priorities are. If you go to church on Sundays, choose a time after church so you aren’t restricted timewise.

If you have a family, set aside some of your day to spend with them and then ask for time to yourself. If you give them what they’re craving from you first, it’ll be easier to get what you want – alone time.

In my book, The Little Self Care Handbook, I’ve cultivated dozens of ways in which you can practice self-care any day of the week.

Here are a few ideas to get your juices flowing:

Enjoy a decadent treatSpend time journalingGet back into natureTake a hot bathDo a workout you enjoyDo an at-home spa dayBetter yet, invite a few friends over for a spa dayBake or work on a hobby you loveSnuggle with a petBinge watch somethingPlan the upcoming weekHunker down in your comfy clothes and readDo a digital-free afternoonTry adult coloringGo swimming or sit by the pool and relaxTurn on some favorite music and dance or sing along

There are many more activities you can do. Those are just to get your ideas flowing. Do the same thing every week or choose something different. It’s up to you. The point is to take some time for yourself, even if it’s just a few moments.

Self-Care Sunday Wrap-up

The point of self-care Sunday isn’t about what you do as much as it’s about taking the time to do something. The purpose is to spend some time doing something you enjoy, forgetting about the daily grind for a bit and resetting before you start a new week.

The post Ahh The Delights of Self-Care Sunday! appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Dry Texting-What is He Really Saying with His One-Word Texts?

Dry Texting-What is He Really Saying with His One-Word Texts?

What the heck is dry texting? It’s when you put together the perfect text, check it twice, and hit send. Two days later you get – “lol.”

I know how much that irritates you because I’m the one who gets the emails asking what the heck is going on!

The sad (for you) truth is that guys do not like to text paragraphs, but if you are getting one word answers while waiting two days, it’s time to dump him for good.

I’m serious. There is no excuse for dry texting. It means one thing – he doesn’t care about you.

But you’ll probably make excuses for him, won’t you? He was at work. We had a great first date…blah, blah. Let’s see if you’re right.

Dry Texting Exceptions
You were Texting Back and Forth, and He Just Quit Replying

This happens. In my best seller Text Him This Not That, you learn how men text their male friends – in short bursts that are to-the-point. Never paragraphs.

Guys get sick of reading paragraphs of texts. They just won’t do it. If I were to text my buddy John a 100 word novel, he would dry text back, “WTF!?”

Texting is just the new way of talking and men are not great communicators for the most part. They communicate best in person, with actions and body language!

So, if he is engaging in long texting conversations, and suddenly dry texts, his male DNA (I just realized I hate communicating with women) might have kicked in! Consider yourself lucky and back off your texting.

Your Guy is Old

Let’s face it, some old guys never got the memo that texting is cool! Yes, they’re out there. I have 65+ readers that are dating men that refuse to have smart phones. There are older guys that have smart phones but have no idea how to use them let alone text properly.

Therefore, women might be getting one word answers because that’s all these guys can muster without throwing the phone into the swimming pool!

He’s Busy

If I’m driving or I’m at work, I rarely reply to texts unless I see they’re really important (someone is ill, injured, etc.) But, I will still text back later, if I care. People do have lives and texting can be an annoyance during the day. In fact, I have a no texting policy for the guys who work for my construction company.

Dry Texting as a Test

For confident women, dry texting is a godsend! It shows you immediately through his actions if he likes you. Use it to your advantage.

Once he gives you a few one-word texts, stop texting completely. You could even give him some shit back before you dump him by texting, “YTSFO” and see what he says, if anything.

When he dry texts back, “?”, you say “Your texting sucks, f**k off!”

It may just put a smile on your face!

But Don’t Shy Guys Dry Text?

In my experience working with shy guys, no. In fact, many shy guys are good texters. Texting becomes a good conduit for them to get around their shyness.

In fact, shy guys are the type that will read an endless text. So if can not help yourself and you are determined to text novels, you might consider putting a shy guy at the top of your dating list.

Dry Texting Summary

I can’t think of a better test at the beginning of a relationship to judge how much a man likes you than dry texting. If you send him, “I have some great news to tell you,” and he responds the next day with a question mark, he doesn’t care to be in a relationship with you.

The reason doesn’t matter because he doesn’t even know you. Therefore, it is not about you, it’s about him so why waste your time?

The key is to date several men, even more than one at a time, so you have choices and options. If you are dating one guy, you may tend to go all in too quickly and allow him to get away with this crap. But if you are able to date multiple men (not sleep with but date), you don’t care as much if one of them dry texts you.

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Are You Ready to Get Back Out There?

The two-thirds of 2020 has made dating a difficult challenge for most people and, for that matter, for guys like me who want to help single women find great men. First, it was one of the worst flu seasons on record, and then COVID-19 invaded.

My hope is that the worst is behind us and because of that, I want to help you prepare yourself to get back into the dating scene!

Every spring, I start a dedicated workout with P90X, which takes 90 days. This gives me three months to get myself back in shape.

In much the same way, it’s time to get you back into shape – and not just your body, but your mind too. In order to hit the dating scene running, you’ll need to do a little prep work and I have just the program!

When writing my best-selling book, Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, I focused on providing women with a confidence-building guide specifically directed at them.

Today, I’d like to give you that book for free!

This book will help you understand more about:

Self-love and self-care
Changing the negative words that you silently say to yourself every day into positives
Getting back out there (safely of course) and taking some risks

 

Get Your Free Copy

This is the time to build your confidence while we’re still somewhat sequestered from the virus.

Affirmations, visualization, desensitization, goal setting and meditation are five things that will help you get to that ready to date place!

Are these 5 words foreign to you? They are for many people. My dad taught me how to use these tools as a kid and they work!

Folding these activities into your life won’t be drudgery – it will be fun! Especially if you stick with me! I love injecting fun into most things.

And, when I add some insight into the male brain, you’ll be more than ready to get out there and meet the man of your dreams.

So, if you are ready to prepare, I’ve got the tools to get you started. And to show you that I am serious.

To get your free book, just click the button below!

I’m ready to get back out there with you – are you ready????

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Seven Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem When Dating

Guest Post Written By Lana Otoya

Lana is a professional dating coach for successful women at Millennialships.com. She helps successful and confident women meet successful and confident men.

When you are dating, things can get tough. You go on date after date, only to discover that the men you like the most are never interested in you.

Even the most confident person in the whole world might start to question their attractiveness if this keeps happening. 

The key here is not to get discouraged. When you give up on dating, you lose your chance to find a loving and supporting relationship. 

Here are seven ways for how to improve your self-esteem when dating.

#7 – Know Where Confidence Comes From

Confidence is a key aspect of dating because it helps you attract men, and also feel better about the whole process.

The interesting thing about confidence is that you can get it from multiple sources. Most people get self-confidence from “track record” or “history”. This is when you look to your past experiences to help you determine if you are good or bad at something.

For example, if you always get A’s on all your math tests, you are going to be pretty confident that you are a skilled mathematician.

If you’ve had bad relationships in the past or never seem to get into a long-term relationship, your track record is not providing you with the confidence you need to attract a man. So how can you be confident if your track record is tainted?

The good news is that you can tap into your self-esteem. Self-esteem, although similar, is not the same as self-confidence. Self-confidence is often felt as a result of external validation, much like the math example. Where self-esteem is something that comes from within you. It’s something that you feel rather than something you see.

 Self Confidence vs. Self Esteem:

Here is a nice explanation of self-esteem from Psychology Today:

“Self-esteem is our cognitive and, above all, emotional appraisal of our own worth. More than that, it is the matrix through which we think, feel, and act, and reflects and determines our relation to ourselves, to others, and to the world.

People with healthy self-esteem do not need to prop themselves up with externals such as income, status, or notoriety…On the contrary, they treat themselves with respect and look after their health, community, and environment.”

As you can see, healthy self-esteem comes from believing you are worthy, and respecting yourself despite any negative situations that life may present to you.

When dating, just remember that rejection and struggle happens to many people while they are looking for their long-term partner. You only need that one person to make everything worth it, so don’t tell yourself you don’t deserve love when you know it’s not true.

#6 – Have Realistic Expectations

Another way that you can help yourself feel confident during dating is to have realistic expectations. The online dating process is slow. You will message a lot of men who don’t message you back. You will go on dates with men who are losers. You will start to see a guy who seems really nice, only to have him ghost you after a few dates. I know this is a harsh reality but going in with these expectations helps you realize that it’s not you. This happens to everyone.

Even the most attractive, model-like women have trouble dating and finding a partner. This is because finding a partner only has so much to do with appearance and attraction, and much more to do with meshing two personalities together.

Sometimes it can take a while to find two personalities to really fit, but you only need to find one person and when you do, it’s really an amazing feeling!

#5 – How to Improve Self Esteem in Relationships: Move Slowly

When you are in a new relationship with someone who is really fun and awesome, you can be tempted to move things too quickly.

As a dating coach, I’ve seen many women get so excited about a new man who she tells her friends all about him, deletes all her dating apps and stops communicating with all men. Then, she realizes a few weeks later that he’s not interested in a long-term relationship.

There’s nothing wrong with getting excited and enjoying the honeymoon phase, but cutting off all other ties and letting all your friends know that you found “the one” can make the feeling of rejection much worse than it needs to be.

Always keep your options open until the two of you are on the same page.

#4 – Don’t Take Things Personally

Even if someone rejects you, it’s not really “you” that he is rejecting. It could be many different things.

There are seven billion people on this earth, and no two people have the exact same personality.

When dealing with so much variety in preferences, hobbies, values, etc., there are going to be people who clash. If you feel like things are going well with a man and then suddenly, he changes his mind, it could be any one of these little things that are not matching up. Maybe you live a little too far away from his house or maybe he’s not ready for a relationship.

Regardless of the reason, just know that if a man is not a good fit, you’re much better off without him.

#3 – Rejection and Shame Happen to Everyone

Researcher Brene Brown determined the feeling of rejection you experience when others do not accept you is a global feeling. This means that it happens to every human unless they have a serious mental disability. We are tribal animals whose evolution has made us want to fit in with the crowd. It is vital to our survival.

When you get rejected by someone, you have an intense feeling of shame. You purposefully analyze and critique yourself to see what might have gone wrong. This is a survival instinct because your brain is trying to help you fit in better next time.

The truth is though, you don’t need to fit in with everybody anymore. You do not rely on a certain caveman tribe in order to get your food and shelter. If someone rejects you, you can still live a perfectly happy life and not have to worry that you didn’t get along with just one person.

#2 – Focus on Self-Care

Dating can be a roller coaster of emotions. When you’re dating, you should be sure to have a structured and regular self-care routine. This allows you to remind yourself that you are the source of your own happiness, not anyone else.

#1 – How to Improve Self Esteem in Relationships: Have Fun

The pressures of finding a partner and all the swiping and texting rules can really be a downer. It’s best to pull back and remind yourself that dating should be fun. Instead of thinking, “I hate being single”, “This date is going nowhere” or that you  would rather be in your pajamas, remember – it’s just drinks.

You’re not being forced to speak in front of one thousand people or run a marathon. You’re just sipping on some cocktails with a new person. Even the most horrifying dates can still be fun. They can be a learning experience or simply an excellent story to tell your friends!

The post Seven Ways to Improve Your Self-Esteem When Dating appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

My Boyfriend is Not Romantic

Maybe Your Boyfriend is a Romantic and You Just Don’t Realize It!

I have received many emails from women who were headed for divorce, based solely on their husband (or boyfriend) not being romantic enough.

I grew up in a family who didn’t show love. I have three older sisters and I am the only son. I never saw my mom and dad kiss, and we never said, “I love you” before bed or when we said goodbye. I learned from my parents not to show love in emotive ways and took this unromantic behavior into my relationships.

I personally decided I needed to change because I was being accused of being an unromantic boyfriend, and that sucks!

Showing love didn’t compute back then.

Today, I try hard to express my love because I am aware that this does not come naturally to me.

And even more importantly, I have learned that dating a romantic guy is important for many women.

Why?

Because women can generally express their feelings better than men. As a woman, you were encouraged, growing up, to show your emotions. The opposite is true for boys. Boys are taught to hide their feelings; Never cry, be tough, win.

Given these cultural and familial caused flaws in men’s behavior, I feel it’s important to look for the other signs and ways an unromantic man shows you he loves you.

Here’s how an unromantic man shows you he loves you

Chivalry

Here are some examples of chivalry:

He protects you when you are in public
He does things for you
He takes out the garbage and fixes the things he can fix
He’ll stay home when you are sick or at least check on you throughout his day

Now, taking out the garbage isn’t quite as romantic as flowers and “I love you”, but it is a way in which an unromantic man shows his love.

I think it’s important for women to realize that men show love in very different ways. Most of us dread Valentine’s Day and birthdays because we are afraid we will let you down!

I’m not saying to give a lazy man a pass because he forgot your birthday.

I am saying to root for him – guide him on how he can make you happy. Reward him for his behavior even if it’s a bit shy of your grand expectation.

If you do this: he will get better, I will get better, all men will get better!

If you scold him for not being the romantic boyfriend you saw in the movies, you will never be happy with his efforts, and this will soon lead to anger and contempt.

Both men and women need to stop blaming the other for their shortcomings and start understanding and listening to how the other thinks and what he or she is going through. When you are able to do this, amazing things can happen.

Being a romantic boyfriend is just one example.

My focus is to help women fully understand how men think so they can navigate situations like this easily and effectively by creating a win/win for each side.

You understand that he does love you – he’s just not able to show it in the way that you want him to, due to learned behavior.

Now you aren’t resentful. Instead, you reward him for showing what he can and, maybe soon, he does things better.

See? He really is a romantic boyfriend