Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 10

Journaling Techniques That Work!

Whether it’s a couples journal or a personal one starting a journal is like starting a new workout ��� you need great journaling techniques! Otherwise, it���s great at first but fizzles out fast and before you know it, the excitement and consistency wane into more of a meh kind of feeling.

Well, there are too many benefits to both journaling and exercise to give up so quickly, so today I have some journaling techniques to keep you on track.

Journaling Technique #1: Don���t Make Your Journal Too Large

You���ll see why this is such a big deal in a minute. Your first journal doesn���t need to be a full-size notebook. The pages are larger to fill, and it takes up more space.

Instead, go for a smaller journal. Most discount and drug stores carry notebooks in a variety of sizes. Go for one that���s big enough to write in but not so big that it feels intimidating.

Keep Your Journal with You

Now you see why I suggested a small journal. A small journal is easy to stuff into your handbag, bookbag or even a back pocket. You can easily carry it with you wherever you go, and I strongly recommend doing so.

You never know when a moment will pass by that you would like to remember. Writing about it in your journal can help you recall the memory.

Don���t Create Too Many Rules for Yourself

If you���re one who likes to make rules, pay attention to these journaling tips:

I will write in it every morning as soon as I wake up
I will write two pages every day
I won���t write negative things
I will only write about personal stuff, not work

The problem with ���rules��� like these is that once you break the rules you established, you���ll be less likely to continue.

It���s like eating a big piece of chocolate cake while you���re dieting. As soon as you���ve broken your no sugar rule, you figure the whole thing is a huge waste of time anyway and you give up.

Write in your journal when it fits each day. One day, it might be first thing while another day might be a lunchtime entry.

Setting a rule about how many pages to write can be a good thing, but it can also force you to give up if you feel you don���t have anything to say that day. Whatever length of journal entry you choose for that day is fine.

Review Your Journal Entries

Of all the journaling techniques here, this is one of my favorites.

Go over your entries at the end of the week and look for repeating words or themes. For example, if you find yourself writing a lot about being tired, you can look back on the week and see what may have happened to make you feel so tired. Perhaps there���s something you can fix.

You may find yourself using negative self-talk in a journal. This is something to observe and fix as soon as possible. If you���re writing it down, it���s also banging around in your head. Turning your negative self-talk into positive self-talk is key to mental health.

Another Key Journaling Tip: Create a Journaling Space

You can really write in your journal anywhere, but if possible, set aside a place where you can tune out the noises around you and focus on your thoughts. This is a great journaling technique for those who live in a busy household!

I had a friend who used her oversized closet for her journaling and meditation spot. She cleared out a corner and put a comfy chair inside. She was able to use the light already in the closet and made this space all about peaceful thoughtfulness.

If you prefer to be outdoors, find a spot where you can feel calm and peaceful. Wherever you decide to write is fine, as long as it���s a spot that is as isolated from distractions as possible.

Alternatively, you can journal at a time of day where you experience fewer distractions like first thing in the morning or after everyone else has gone to bed.

Redefine Journal to Fit Your Needs

This is an important journaling technique for people who struggle for topics! Your journal doesn���t need to be the same thing, day after day.

Use it as a brain dump space. Write lists of things you want to do. Write your goals or dreams. Today is my grandmother���s birthday, so when I wrote in my journal, I wrote about my fond memories of her.

There are truly no rules about journaling. Nobody needs to read what you write so write for you and you alone. Put down whatever is weighing on your mind at that moment.

Don���t Make It a Negativity Space

Of all the journaling techniques here, this one is probably the most important!

It���s fine to write about something bad that happens in a day, but your journal should not be a daily dose of what���s wrong with my life.

If you find yourself in this mode, shift gears and write some statements of gratitude. What can you be grateful for today?

Gratitude is very powerful for positive mental health. It helps you focus on the good things that are happening in your life. Even if you���re grateful for a box of tissues or a roll of toilet paper, be grateful!

There are days when your entries will be about something bad that happened and that���s fine, all I ask is that this journal doesn���t become a place to wallow in self-pity or complain continuously about everything that���s wrong in your life.

Find Writing Prompts

Pinterest is full of journal writing prompts for all types of occasions. It won���t take but a minute or two to find lists of 30 or more prompts you can use. I like to list them in my journal at the beginning of the month and then go through them, writing about a new one each day.

This not only helps me dig into topics I might otherwise avoid, but it also helps me avoid the plague of the blank page.

Make it a Judgment-Free Zone: Journaling Technique for Building Confidence

Your journal should be something you are free to write, draw or be creative in. You can make an entire entry by drawing a picture or writing and then painting over it with gesso.

Whatever you do in your journal, though, don���t sit back and judge it after. No, ���I never should have written that about Julie���s boyfriend. He���s not so bad.���

If it���s a thought you had and it was important enough to write it down, leave it and don���t sweat it. It���s not like your friend will read the entry.

Journaling Technique: Allow Your Thoughts to Go Where They Go

Sometimes, we try to avoid unpleasant thoughts, but if you start writing in a journal, your mind might just take off on a tangent. This mother of all journaling techniques is about letting your thoughts wander wherever they go without slamming on the brakes because it gets uncomfortable.

Something might be eating away at you and if you start writing, it just might pop out. It can be very freeing to write about things like that ��� things that are bothering you.

Sometimes, you don���t even know what is bothering you until you start writing and then, there it is, big as you please, staring back at you on the page.

That���s the point at which you just kind of say, ���Well hmm. So that���s where that is coming from!���

Important Journaling Technique for Those Who Don���t Like Mistakes: Use a Pen

It���s easy to erase things you wish you hadn���t written, but the truth is that if they came out while journaling, they needed to be said.

Therefore, use a pen or marker to write in your journal. Again, if you get on Pinterest, you will find tons of examples of journal pages done in a multitude of color.

This isn���t necessary, but if it helps you, go for it. Some people are more visual than others and they enjoy this type of thing.

Me? I���m a guy. Just give me a pen that writes and I���m all set.

How Can You Make a Habit out of Journaling?

You���ve got a few journaling tips under your belt so now let���s look at how you can make this a habit!

It can take up to two months or even a little longer to make something into a habit so how can you make a habit out of journaling?

Decorate the Cover

This is a great journaling technique for those who are creative ��� and even those who aren���t for that matter.

Make the journal fit you. Grab some decorative paper at the hobby store or some of that washi tape stuff (what the heck is washi tape anyway?) and decorate your journal. If it���s a plain cover, draw on it or glue pictures on it.

Whatever you do, make it something you like to look at. Make it feel more like it belongs to you.

One caution, however, would be to make sure your embellishments won���t get damaged when you carry your journal around.

Try to Journal at The Same Time Every Day

I know in the journaling techniques above, I said no rules and I don���t want you to make this a rule. It���s more about fitting journaling into your routine. Is this something you could wake up fifteen minutes early for? Is it something you can do as soon as you get to work, before everyone else gets there?

Try to figure out where in your daily routine journaling fits so it���s not so hard to make it part of your day.

Schedule an Appointment with Your Journal

Once you know where it fits into your daily routine, set an appointment on your phone calendar so you get a daily reminder.

If nothing else, it will be annoying enough to at least give it some consideration. After it becomes part of your daily routine, you won���t need the appointment any longer and you can delete it.

Give It Priority in Your Life

All the journaling techniques in the world won���t make a whit of difference if journaling isn���t a priority in your life, so make it a priority.

Know why you want to do it and what value it has to you. If this isn���t something that is important to you, you won���t do it. Know the why for you.

Make It for You

Don���t do this for anyone else but you. If you are journaling because someone told you to or because someone urged you for some reason or another, you won���t make it a week before you toss it aside.

Make this something you do for you ��� a form of self-care. If there is nothing else you do in your day for yourself, do this for you.

The post Journaling Techniques That Work! appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Bucket List Journal and Why You Need One!

Can a Bucket List Journal Change Your Life?

The movie The Bucket List sort of brought forth this idea of making a list of things you want to experience before you die or kick the bucket. In the movie, Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson play hospital roomies, both terminal. Nicholson���s very wealthy character decides he needs a bucket list and, with time, the much poorer (financially) Freeman secretly creates his own list.

The two break out of hospital and begin their adventure of ticking items off their lists. The fun part is that the items on their bucket lists aren���t the items many people put on their own lists today. Here���s a sampling of the bucket lists from the movie:

Witness something truly majestic
Help a complete stranger
Laugh until I cry
Kiss the most beautiful girl in the world
Drive a Shelby Mustang
Get a tattoo
Skydiving
Visit Stonehenge
Find the joy in your life
Drive a motorcycle on the Great Wall of China

There were a few others, but this is most of the list. I show you this not to brag about some movie knowledge ��� heck I had to google this stuff. I show you this because several of the items on this list are truly remarkable experiences most of us won���t think to include.

Should You Create a Bucket List?

If you���re really asking me my opinion, then yes, I believe you should create a bucket list. However, having said that, I believe you should carefully consider what you put on your bucket list journal.

Creating a bucket list is another way of saying you are setting goals for yourself and this is never a bad thing.

When you set goals as an individual, you build your confidence and give your life purpose and direction.

When you set goals as a couple, you build lasting memories and intimacy.

There are other reasons to create a bucket list journal:

You begin to examine what you really want out of life
It helps you determine where you are today and where you want to be in the future
You become energized by the possibilities that lie before you
It allows you to look past your comfort zone and think outside your safe zone
You develop a sense of accomplishment as you tick off the items you���ve completed
It keeps you from becoming idle ��� there���s always something to work toward
You���re more interesting

What Should be On Your Bucket List?

What you put on your bucket list is entirely up to you, but I do have a few suggestions for you.

Rather than seeing how many outrageous trips to foreign places you can come up with, try to envision adventures that will truly add value to your life.

This may indeed be some trips to foreign countries or other states, but it might be things like you saw on the Bucket List movie list ��� things that are more meaningful and amazing.

If you didn���t see the movie, Jack Nicholson���s character accomplished kissing the most beautiful woman in the world by kissing his long-lost daughter. It wasn���t some celebrity or model ��� it was a healed relationship.

When you set goals, one characteristic they should have is that they���re attainable. The same goes for the items you place in your bucket list journal. Visiting the Louvre or riding a motorcycle on the Great Wall of China are fine if they���re attainable to you in the future and they are things you would really like to do!

The other ���rule��� of goal setting is that goals should be relevant to your life. Again, this should be true of your bucket list items. If you don���t really like airplanes that much, setting goals to fly all over the world seems like a waste of a dream.

Swim with the dolphins!

Now, overcoming your fear of flying is a mighty fine bucket list item, and maybe more relevant to your life, but that can be done at a local airport.

To create your list, imagine you have just weeks to live. Would you want to spend those weeks traveling? If so, go for it! If not, what would you like to do? Repair relationships? Make sure those closest to you know how much you care? Spend time with a loved one you don���t get to see very often?

How to Create Your Bucket List

There are as many ways to create a bucket list as there are people making them. My best tips for creating your own bucket list are:

Think about those people who are most important to you ��� how can you enrich those relationships?
Imagine your future. What do you dream of doing? Is it something you believe you will be able to do?
When you think about the legacy you would like to leave behind, what does that look like?
If you are in a relationship, how can the two of you build your foundation as a couple?
Find ten amazing things to do within an hour or two of your own home and consider doing them with either your partner or best friend or both
Are there relationships you���ve let slide over the years that you would like to rekindle? How can you do that?
Are there financial goals that will make your life easier, like zeroing your debt or building a savings?

Give yourself some time. A bucket list journal doesn���t form overnight. It will take time and introspection to come up with the list that���s right for you.

Bucket List Journal for Couples

If you���re in a relationship with someone, make your individual lists and make one together – a couples journal. There is no reason to give up on your own dreams just because you���ve got someone special in your life.

In fact, I encourage you to pursue your individual items separately. You can each schedule a week or two away at the same time, pursue one of your bucket list items and then return home to share your experiences!

This is a great way to keep the mystery and challenge of your relationship alive!

For the items you want to do together, prioritize and work together to accomplish those goals. It���s a great relationship-building activity!

Create that Bucket List and do it!

We humans have become robots. We wake up, go to work, come home and watch reality shows. Then we die.

Tomorrow, I challenge you to kill the routine! Brainstorm 100 bucket list items. Then, by the weekend, set goals towards a few and do them!

You will be amazed at what a bucket list will do for you!

The post Bucket List Journal and Why You Need One! appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Dating a Divorced Man? 10 Tips to Make it Work

Yes, Dating a Divorced Man can Work – Here’s How!

You know the dangers of dating a divorced man from my last article, now let���s give you some tips on dating a divorced guy and making it last.

Some men need a second round to get it right

That means that timing is everything for you. Many of us get married too young and believe we have met our soulmate when, in fact, we were too young and immature to know what we wanted.

Now he does! So you need to be there. Not with some other version of you but you in all your glory.

Let him talk about his ex

Don���t feel challenged or threatened by his ex. Instead, listen to him, learn and apply what he says during his rants so you can be a better match for him than his ex was.

Of course, make sure your adaptations fit your values.

Stay incognito

Announcing your relationship to everyone might need to wait until he seals his divorce. He could have lawyers watching his every move to gain an advantage in custody battles and financials.

Also, his kids might be young, and he is not ready for you to meet them. Kids can become pawns and that is never fair. You would feel the same.

Appreciate his need for secrecy ��� it���s OK if you are on a steady path to becoming closer.

Lose the social media

We all love to show off our spectacular lives! But consider keeping things private between you by staying off social media until he has completely divorced both legally and emotionally.

Social media can have some unintended consequences. Friends and family might exaggerate the status of your relationship when this is not true.

He might feel like you are pushing him into something that he is not ready for even though it���s your peers on social media pushing the false narrative.

Post pics of you and your friends having fun instead. He will be watching!

Dating a divorced man | Don���t push marriage and kids

He���s been down that road and he might be a bit jaded to try again. This means he might not be your best choice if you want to get married and/or have kids.

This makes him a better candidate for a domestic partner. Accepting this going into the relationship will help align your expectations and make things successful.�� I see many successful relationships without the paper contract.

I also witness women thinking they can get a fifty-year-old divorced man to have more kids. Good luck.

Sure, some men are different and will remarry and have more kids. Just know that they are the exceptions in the bunch.

Be prepared to meet her

Yes, this might happen. Get ready for that possibility so you are not caught off guard.

This doesn���t have to be a bad experience, but it could be for her!

Make sure you treat her with dignity and respect and things should go fine. Remember, she might have been with your new man for years so cut her some slack if things get awkward. I have met my ex���s boyfriend and all was good.

Kids complicate things

Your kids might not accept him. His kids might not accept you. Talk about these things before the meet and greet so a plan can be made if things crash and burn.

By planning contingencies, the family dynamics can be figured out. In fact, they could be fun if you are both onboard!

Both of you may place priorities with your kids so discuss this too.

His apartment might have some of her memories

That���s OK to an extent. You don���t need to be throwing her shit into the trash because your jealous. That will only build contempt.

It���s normal for men to hold some things dear to them from their past ��� this doesn���t mean they are still in love. I still have pics of hiking Zion National Park with my ex. I don���t desire to be with her ��� I simply want to remember the experience in general.

When he is not looking, gradually throw her shit into the trash ����

Be you not her

You will learn what he loved about his ex ��� this could be difficult to handle. You may find that you want to emulate her to please him ��� Don���t!

As soon as you try to fulfill her shoes by acting like her you will be doomed. A confident woman never tries to be someone who she is not. She never compares herself to anyone either. She knows her value and she, not only stands by it, she flaunts it!

He chose you because you are different ��� not because he sees her inside you.

Live in the moment

I can���t express this enough. Forget reading the tea leaves of where the relationship is headed and live in the Power of Now!

Do this and the memories will start piling up and he will slowly start accepting you more and into his life. Simultaneously, he will start caring less for his ex.

I call these great memories Pennies in the Jar. The sooner you start making them the closer you will become.

Dating a divorced man

Most of us have had past relationships and that���s OK. In fact, it���s healthy. Dating a divorced man is no different. Just take your time with him. Slow your role. Let him replace her with you like ice cubes displace water in a glass and all will be well.

Push marriage, kids or get jealous out of the gate and you are going to have issues.

The post Dating a Divorced Man? 10 Tips to Make it Work appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Dating a Recently Divorced Man? 4 Things you Should Know

Dating a Recently Divorced Man Comes with Complications

You finally met a great guy after months of meeting frogs. This man showed up on time, smelled oh so good and holds a decent job. Congratulations! There is one small problem you didn���t know until now – you���re dating a recently divorced man.

You think, ���No big deal, he���s over her, he even says so.��� But a few dates pile up, and you start to realize that her name gets mentioned more often than it should from a man who is over her.

You begin to think maybe he isn���t quite over her, but you keep dating anyway.

The fact is that recently divorced or separated men cannot recover from their ex so quickly. Even if he hates her ��� he can���t be in the right frame of mind to see you. So how do you know if he���s ready to date?

Here are 4 things you need to know when dating a recently divorced man.

He isn���t looking at you through the proper lens

He doesn���t see you ��� he sees his ex and how you���re the same or different from her.

He���s still too close to his ex and instead of looking at you for who you are ��� he is comparing you to who he was with. That���s not fair to you.

You want him to see you so he can make a fair assessment of your compatibility, just as you���re doing with him. If he is newly divorced, you can bet that he is comparing your every move to his ex.

How you measure up to her in bed, eat your food, and dress all are all being compared to his ex. His head should be clear, so he looks at you without her involved.

Occasionally something will trigger a reaction that relates back to his ex, but you want these times to be few and far between.

When you���re dating a recently divorced man, the pendulum swings too far

A recently divorced man most often chooses someone who is the opposite of the last woman he was with. Not because he should, but because he thinks that will fix the issues he experienced in the relationship.

My friend just divorced after twelve years. His wife was a homebody. Once single, he immediately started dating a woman who was much wilder. He really thought that she was the answer.

She wasn���t. The pendulum had swung too far.

The odds of him flaking are increased

I see this repeatedly. A man who is recently divorced or separated starts blowing hot and cold. His emotions are all over the place and boom ��� he���s gone. The woman blames herself for this roller coaster of emotions.

But the problem lies inside him. He either misses his ex or despises her and takes it out on the new girl. He might have good days, but the bad days come along a little too often.

You don���t need this. Building a healthy, mature relationship is tough enough without the influx of his ex hanging in the wings.

His mouth gets ahead of his intentions

Another problem of dating a recently divorced man is that he wants to prove to himself that he isn���t a failure, and that he can love. ��So, he quickly jumps into the relationship making promises that seem too soon and promises he ultimately won���t keep.

I want you to meet my kids
Let���s take off to Vegas
I haven���t met a woman like you before
Can I see you tomorrow night too?

You get my point. His mouth moves and he might come through with an action or two, but overall, he is an empty suit who isn���t ready for a relationship.

So, what���s a girl to do when she finds herself dating a recently divorced man?

Slow your roll!

Find out his true situation by asking – in your womanly way of course.

Test him:

Does he talk about her too much?
Does he blow hot and cold?
Is his mouth getting ahead of his intentions?

Keep dating other men

The last thing you should do is put all your chips down on this guy. Nope. Have other men in your koi pond. This way if this guy flakes, it���s no big deal.

I know your gut tells you that if you date other men, he will bolt. That���s okay. If he does, he wasn���t really in it to date you long-term anyway.

A great guy, when inspired by the competition of other men in your life, will step up his game and try harder.

Avoid dating a recently divorced guy altogether

This might be the best idea yet. You don���t need this extra layer of crap added to the mix. Tell him to hit you up in six months or so when he is in a better spot.

He���ll fight you on it and say, blah, blah, but don���t buy what he is selling!

Let him go if he asks

I have a friend who was divorced several years ago. A couple years ago, she began dating a man who was still in the process of getting his divorce, which was taking a while.

They got along great, but one day, he came to her and told her he wanted to break things off. It was a friendly split and, as it turned out, they remained in contact.

What happened?

The finalization of his divorce came up and he needed to focus on that. Several months later, she was scheduled to have surgery.

He offered to take her to the surgery and bring her back to his house for the first few days of her recovery.

They���re back together. Why? Because he went, settled stuff with his ex, got over the marriage and was ready to date. He had done much of his getting over the ex before the divorce occurred so once it was over, he was ready to go!

Dating a recently divorced man final thought

Finding a man is hard in today’s dating jungle. You don���t need the added pressure of a man���s ex still in the picture. Stand tall and ask him about his past ��� most men will be all too happy to discuss the breakup especially if it is recent.

If his emotions are still tender then run!

The post Dating a Recently Divorced Man? 4 Things you Should Know appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Good Night Messages for Him That will Keep You on His Mind!

Heartfelt Good Night Messages for Him

Did you know that a good night message to your guy might be his most powerful memory of the day? So why not use this opportunity to make him feel good about himself and tell him how you feel.

Guys are more sensitive than women think, and they respond to words of appreciation. The key is to shoot him a good night message every now and then ��� don���t overdo it.

Whether you just met, or you have been in love for twenty years a good night message will take away his stress and have him dreaming about you.

Send it to him from the other side of the world or from the next room ��� but send it. He will love you for it.

Good Night Messages for Him

Today reminded me why I keep you around. Good night sweetie.
Tonight may have changed everything. Sleep tight my love.
What you accomplished today was amazing ��� you deserve to sleep well tonight.
I look forward to seeing your smile in the morning. Good night sweet darling.
I am blessed to have you in my life. Goodnight sweet baby.
Have you figured it out yet? I have. Sleep tight my prince.
May all your dreams come true tonight. I know mine have. Sleep well.
Rest my love. You deserve it.
I love you. And I will love you forever. Happy dreams!
Lights out my love. Can���t wait to take on the world with you tomorrow!
You had me when you smiled in my direction. Sweet thoughts my love.
Do you know who I want to spend my life with? Yes you! Good night darling ����
You still make my knees weak and my heart skip a beat. Good night my love.
Saturday can���t come quick enough. Sweet dreams.
Yeah, you���re kinda cute ��� but it���s your confidence that makes my heart flutter. See you in the morning!
I had a bad day today. Then, I saw you. Amazing! Good night baby.
A funny thing happened on a date tonight ��� I fell in love. Night. Night.
Dream about me tonight.
If you can dream it I can do it ��� as long as I am with you.
Two hearts became one this evening. Sleep well my love.
Lights out until we meet again tomorrow.
Guess what? I���ve decided to keep you. Good night my love.
Everyday my friends say how lucky I am to be with you. They are right. Sweet dreams Punky. (insert nickname)
Who is better than you? No one. Good night my knight.
If you only you knew the impact you have had on my life. I���ll show you firsthand in the morning.
At the end of a grinding day I am so blessed to come home to you. I will never take that for granted. Sweet dreams Mr. Jeff.
My lover and my best friend���forever. Sweet dreams.
You get better looking every day. I can���t wait to see you tomorrow! See you in the mornin��� my love.
I will miss you for these next eight hours ���� Good night honey.
I think my dog loves you too! Sleep tight dear.
Sometimes I snuggle on your chest when you are asleep. Your beating heart puts me to sleep.
Did you know we hold hands when you are asleep :)?
You are an amazing father and husband. I am blessed that the stars aligned and placed us together. Goodnight my superhero.
Millions of men are sleeping right now – but only the one reading this message matter to me. Good night.

These Good Night Messages for Him are Simple and Delightful – Try a Few!

I hope this list gives you some ideas that will let him know how you feel. Remember, it���s the simple things that get overlooked because we are so busy with our bustling lives. Slow things down at the end of the day and send him a good night message by voice or text.

If you do he will love you for it!

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Fun Ways to Practice Self Care for Women

Self Care Tips for Every Woman

When you think of self care, what comes to mind is probably not representative of what self care truly means. You might think that when I mention self care, I���m talking about taking some time out to pamper or indulge yourself.

Self care for women is actually more about understanding that you have worth and value as a human being and treating yourself accordingly.

Women tend to be better at nurturing others than they are at nurturing themselves. You���ll fill two water bottles a piece for your family members and forget to grab your own on your way to the ballpark.

You���ll make sure your husband or boyfriend has a healthy lunch packed while zipping out the door with a promise to make your own healthy lunch next time.

I know I���m right. I���ve got three sisters and a mother!

What if I could find ways for you to enjoy self care? Read some of the ideas below to see if any of these pique your interest.

Practice Self Care by Creating Your Own Chick Retreat

Guys have man caves, but women don���t usually take the time to designate a space for peace and tranquility.

One fun thing you can do is create your own chick retreat. It doesn���t need to be an entire room of your house, it could just be a corner of a room, a special chair or an hour where you fill the bathtub with hot water and lock the door!

I know a woman who had a large walk-in closet she stole away to use as her chick retreat. Her husband was dying of cancer and she needed a place to use as a quiet place for rest, relaxation and reflection.

Your retreat can be whatever you want, as long as it is a place you can use to recharge your batteries.

Read

Reading can be a very entertaining way to relax and recharge, especially if you enjoy books of a humorous or light-hearted nature.

Reading can also be a way to facilitate personal growth or inspire you to try new things. You can experience personal, spiritual, financial and intellectual growth by reading.

Use your reading time to forget about the stressors around you, relax and let go of the pressures of the day. Allow yourself to escape into another world, if only for 30 minutes a day, and grow as a woman.

Take Your Dream Car for a Test Drive

If you could own any car, what would it be? Why not take it for a test drive? There���s no rule that states you must buy a car you test drive! Even if this gives you just fifteen minutes of fun, it���s a temporary escape into your dream.

Go ahead – drive it!

If you believe in the Law of Attraction, this could even be a step toward owning that dream car. You never know!

Meanwhile, drive it like a boss! Smell the leather. Feel the way the car handles. Lose yourself in the experience. Relax and enjoy the ride! More importantly, remind yourself that you deserve nice things in your life.

Even if you can never afford to buy this car, you can save up to buy something nice for yourself.

Find or Pursue Your Passion

This is good for you in so many ways, it could be its own blog post, but instead, I���ll try to summarize here.

Following your passion helps you focus your time and energy on something you love and it���s a great escape for you when your guy is out with his friends or off licking his wounds after a missed promotion or lost competition.

When you are passionate about something, you begin to build your story, which is interesting to any man worth having. It gives you something to share and talk about and it helps you build your confidence in new areas.

Take up Journaling as a Method of Self Care

Journaling and using a planner are very popular activities right now. When I was young, my sisters all had those padded diaries with the cheap little locks. They wrote their deepest, darkest secrets in those journals with those fun four-color pens everyone had.

Journaling today is a creative endeavor where some people write while others draw or cut out pictures from magazines, pieces of mail and recycled items.

It���s a great form of expression that you can either keep to yourself or share with your guy in the form of a couple���s journal.

Some people take a page of a journal, write whatever is troubling them, and then cover those thoughts with paint, gesso or other paper and embellishments.

Enjoy Nature

I love nature and I am fortunate to be able to enjoy it by simply looking out my back door. You can enjoy nature by talking a walk or going on a hike. If you enjoy the water, go kayaking, skiing or just lay by the beach.

Nature recharges you!

The outdoors can even be your chick retreat. Just walking around, enjoying the wonderful colors and smells can help you relax and recharge.

This can be a great thing to do first thing in the morning or right before you go to bed too. It is a nice, calming activity, providing a sense of peace and joy all at the same time.

Celebrate Victories

I am a big fan of conducting a weekly review in which I take note of my weekly accomplishments and challenges.

Reminding yourself of your accomplishments helps you shift your focus from things that didn���t get done or hiccups in your week to the things you did well.

This is a great way to boost your confidence and sense of self-worth. You have abilities you don���t even realize and taking the time to remind yourself of those abilities helps you grow.

Self Care for Women | Practice Gratitude

It is so easy to become bogged down with the heavier side of life and our natural inclination is to focus on the mistakes we make or the things we wish we���d done differently.

When you shift that focus onto things in your day or week that you can be grateful for, you change your outlook. It���s a great reminder that there are many things going right in your world and not just a world of wrong banging on your door.

Stretch Your Comfort Zone

For most people, staying within your comfort zone feels safe. The problem with safe is that there���s no growth in safe.

When you strive to stretch your comfort zone, you commit to growing as a person. It���s important to take a few risks in order to build your confidence and expand your horizons.

It is only when you push yourself in this way that you find your true self.

Great Self Care for Women Includes Taking Care of Yourself

Instead of staying up until midnight to finish the laundry, do the dishes and clean up after the kids, try going to bed at a reasonable hour and getting some good rest.

If you need to stay up that late to get things done, you���re not prioritizing your tasks, or you have too much on your plate.

Not only should you get plenty of rest, but you should eat healthy meals. While it might seem easy to hit the drive-thru on the way home from a late day at the office, it���s much better for you to go home and heat up some leftovers or make yourself a salad.

I know one young woman who utilizes her days off to do her grocery shopping and complete food prep for the work week ahead. With proper planning, you can accomplish the same and lower the stress in your life!

Self Care Enables You to Properly Care for Your Loved Ones

If you are running on empty 90% of the time, you���re no good for the people you���re trying to nurture. Being exhausted and cranky just leaves them wishing you���d retreat off to nature or go read a great book. What they want to do most is enjoy their time with you.

Facilitate that by practicing good self care. Remember that you can���t be 100% for them if you���re not 100% for yourself first. It isn���t selfish, it���s providing your loved ones with the best version of you, and it���s providing you with personal and positive feedback that you are worthy of being cared for!

The post Fun Ways to Practice Self Care for Women appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Me. You. Forever! Your Personal Couples Journal

 

Surprising Things You Need to Know About Using a Couples Journal

Whether you feel as if you have a great marriage or you fear things are teetering on the edge of disaster, a couples journal might be one of the best tools you can use. Strengthening your relationship doesn���t happen without both of you putting in the time and effort.

There are many benefits to journaling in general, and as a couple, you can multiply those benefits by doing some of the activities together.

Note: This is a long article, so I’ve provided an easy way for you to navigate the information. Just use the links below to read the different sections of this post!

Benefits of Journaling

Journaling and Men

Things to Include in Your Journal

Building a Solid Relationship Foundation with a Couple’s Journal

10 Ways to Use Your Couple’s Journal to Grow Your Relationship

Final Thoughts on Building a Solid Foundation

The Power of the Memories

Benefits of Journaling
Journaling Improves Intelligence

One way in which clinicians measure overall intelligence is by the size of your vocabulary.

In a study conducted by the University of Victoria, the IQ and writing ability of subjects was tested before and after performing writing exercises. Following the exercises, the research indicated that a strong relationship existed between performing writing exercises and increased intelligence.

It further indicated that people who write have a higher IQ. In other words, writers are smart people, and this extends to those who write in journals, not just professionals!

The logic behind these results rests in the use of language. Writing encourages you to explore your language further and enables you to find and use words you might not use in everyday verbal exchanges.

If you are using a couples journal, you can challenge one another by sneaking in new words or phrases. You can also have a word of the day that is new to both of you, as well as other fun language-based activities.

Letting Go of Negativity

Writing in a couples journal (or love journal as some people call it) provides a space in which you can let your pent-up negative emotions flow. I have heard of parents and children sharing a private journal where the child can write anything in the journal, knowing the parent will read the passage. The parent, however, is not allowed to apply any negative consequences to what is written.

If a child confesses something, it can be up for discussion, but in a healthy way, not in a way which will lead to negative consequences or impact from the parent.

Children are often more likely to share truth with their parents in this way, opening the door for parents to have often vital and constructive discussions with their child while building a trusting relationship.

In a couples journal, you can work things in much the same way. What is written between the two of you stays between the two of you. Additionally, the door is opened for discussion without negative consequences.

If your partner shares with you that he is really put off by the way you hover over him when he is feeling stressed, it enables you to look at your own behavior and have an open, honest and positive conversation. Sometimes initiating these conversations in person can be difficult, but if you can initiate them in a love journal, you can get further.

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Dealing with Anxiety Inside your Love Journal

Anxiety, at its core, is negative self-talk running amok. Some call it worry, but anxiety goes beyond worry because the person with anxiety is often imagining an extremely negative outcome to a future event.

Writing in a journal is helpful because it helps you look back on your thought patterns to see how they flow. You can watch the anxious thoughts unfold and see patterns emerge when you aren���t feeling anxious.

Journaling also has a calming effect on your mind. You can let go of the negative thoughts that are banging around in your head. As you journal, you will uncover not only the thought patterns you have during your anxious moments, but also the triggers.

This is one area of using a couples journal where you must be careful and sensitive to one another. When someone is sharing their negative thought patterns and behaviors, it���s important not to reinforce those, and it���s equally important to avoid judgment.

If your partner shares in the journal that he is feeling terribly anxious about an upcoming job interview, you don���t want to feed his anxiety with more negative talk, but you also don���t want to say something seemingly harmless like, ���Dan, I don���t know why you worry so much about this stuff.���

While a statement like that sounds as if you���re trying to lift him up, what you���re really doing is telling him he���s silly to worry.

Instead, you can remind him of his attributes and accomplishments, ���Dan, getting that PMI certification last month was a great accomplishment and your people skills are great. I���m sure the interviewer will see that too!���

Strengthen Your Immune System by Using a Love Journal Together

Can you believe that journaling can actually make you healthier?

The reason for this benefit is most of the other benefits we have already and will discuss. When you experience less anxiety, you are healthier. When you aren���t feeling depressed, you���re healthier. If you let go of negativity, you���re happier and therefore healthier.

There are even studies which indicate your body will better fight diseases like AIDS, asthma and cancer. Notice I didn���t say cure, but help you fight them.

Other studies indicate that you heal faster when you take the time to journal even 20 minutes a day for three days in a row.

You have time for that, don���t you?

As a couple, being healthier means spending more quality time together! That���s always a good thing! If you each commit to spending twenty minutes writing in your journal, the health of both of you will benefit.

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Improved Emotional Health

When you journal, you are more in tune with your thoughts and inner desires. You are mindful of your surroundings and your thoughts, meaning you can remain present in this moment and not allow your anxiety to kick in.

Writing in a journal helps your brain keep your emotions regulated and improves your self-confidence and identity, and it triggers and grows the creative side of your brain.

In every possible way, journaling promotes personal growth and awareness.

You Develop a Practice of Mindfulness

When you are mindful, you are present in the moment. You aren���t ruminating on the past or anxious about the future. Yes, you may write about something in the past or a future concern, but you���re able to write about your hopes and fears in a way that allows your mind to work through it.

You���re actively engaging in your thought process, which, as you���ve already read, is benefiting from this activity in numerous other ways already.

Here���s the kicker. When you���re mindful, studies show that you���re also happier.

BONUS!

As a couple, you can become more mindful, not only of your own thoughts, but those of your partner. It���s easy, when we���re stressed, to become absorbed in our own thoughts, but if you and your partner are doing this together, you can be more present in their world as well.

You Gain Self-Discipline

Setting aside time, every day, to write in your journal begins a practice of self-discipline and, like anything else, the more you do it, the better you���ll be.

The great thing is that as you form this habit, others are likely to form as well.

For example, developing a habit of journaling brings mindfulness during those moments, but it also helps you develop more of an overall mindfulness mindset.

If you develop a habit of doing the dishes after each meal instead of allowing them to pile up, before you know it, you���ll be keeping other areas of the kitchen cleaner, which will lead to keeping the adjoining rooms cleaner, and so on.

Good habits and self-discipline build and expand, which is always a great thing in your life!

As a couple, you can encourage one another when one isn���t feeling it. Sometimes, you just come home from work or school and you���re exhausted. Doing even one more thing seems like too much.

Still, your partner says something like, ���Gee Honey, I know how you feel. I was wiped out too, but writing in our journal when I got home actually helped me feel refreshed and energized.���

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Using a Couples Journal and Men

Women are probably more inclined to journal than men, although I think men are willing to do it if they can see clear benefits. What you need to know about initiating a couple���s journal with your guy is how to keep him engaged in the process.

I read reviews of many of the top love journals out there and one comment I read over and over was concerning to me, so I want to address it and help you understand how men will stay engaged in the process.

It Should Be Fun

Yes, this journal will have its serious entries, but life isn���t always about being serious. Many negative comments I read about couple���s journaling included comments about silly activities and how the woman writing the review was annoyed by the silliness.

First of all, let yourself have fun once in a while. Great moments in a relationship aren���t always built when you���re being serious with one another. Highly memorable moments are often built in the silliest of situations.

���Julie, remember the time I thought I could just to sprinting across that stream and I landed flat on my butt in the ice-cold water? That was a great hike!���

Secondly, a man is going to enjoy this process more if it isn���t always so serious, and quite frankly, so will you.

There are times to be serious in your life and in your journaling, but there are also times to cut loose and have fun. Challenge one another to do silly things like, ���Hey Jack, I bet I can eat more donuts than you for breakfast this morning! I���m heading to Krispy Kreme now for a dozen! Be hungry!���

This is great! This is something you can both write about later, probably in different ways. You might write about how much fun it was to watch Jack try to beat your donut count. This is because men are competitive, and we want to win! Even against you!

He may write about how much he enjoyed the mystery of wondering what you���ll pull next! You were mysterious to him ��� this is always a good thing! Of course, he���ll also like the challenge itself, so it���s a double win!

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It Should be a Safe Space

Earlier, I eluded to the fact that your journal should be a safe space where the two of you can share anything without fear of negative consequences.

Before you begin, agree that your journaling space is a judgment-free zone. Your partner can share his thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears and desires and he can do so knowing that he won���t be negatively judged.

You have that same freedom.

If something comes up that you want to ask about, you do so without negativity and judgment.

���Joe, I saw that you wrote about being afraid you���re going to lose your job in the company downsizing. I just want you to know I���m here for you if you want to talk more about it.���

Or,

���Steve, I saw that entry you wrote about your sex fantasy yesterday and I wanted to know if you���d like to try it sometime. I���m up for it if you are!���

The idea of a couples journal is to be there to share memories together and be supportive of one another. If you treat your partner���s entries with respect, he will be more and more open with his entries and responses.

You Might Not Always Like What the Other Writes

Another criticism I���ve read about couples journals is that the questions inside pre-printed journals can cause a fight.

While I would never encourage a couple to argue, I am also realistic and I know that, from time to time, a couple is going to suffer through a disagreement. This is a normal part of a relationship.

Disagreeing with one another doesn���t mean you stop caring for or loving one another. It means that, on this topic, you don���t agree. Period.

I recently read somewhere that couples experience more arguments earlier in their marriage. I suspect this has something to do with not having a rhythm between you, not truly knowing one another well and perhaps a slight degree of immaturity ��� a need to be right versus a need to settle the disagreement.

Of course, we���ve declared the journal to be a judgment-free and positive space, but still, things happen. You can be tired, emotionally wrung out, overwrought or overly anxious about something and you allow your emotions to run away with you.

If your partner shares something in the journal that is upsetting to you, you have a choice on how to react, regardless of how you feel. You can react emotionally and fly off the handle, or you can react proactively and think carefully about your response before delivering it.

May I encourage you to be proactive?

Either way, you are in control of your reaction. That���s a topic for an entirely different article, but it���s important for you to understand that whether you get angry or not is your choice. Just like it���s his choice if he gets angry.

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Set a Cadence You Can Both Manage

Let���s face it. Life is crazy hectic, especially if you have children. While you might want to write in your couple���s journal every day, it might not be realistic. Even if you have the time, your guy might not.

As you begin the love journal journey, discuss how frequently you would both like to write. It���s okay if you don���t write the same amount or on the same days. The idea is to build your life together and have a hard copy memory of your life together.

It may be that the two of you agree to write weekly, every other day or every day. You may find out, as you get into it, that you can do more frequently, or you need to do less frequently.

There are no rules except the ones you both agree to. Don���t force him to write every day if you both know, realistically, that he���s not going to do it.

You may both get into it and realize that you both enjoy the writing and want to step it up. Whatever you do is fine. The point is to make this stress-free, enjoyable, positive and memorable.

It���s Not Always About the BIG Memories

I knew a guy once who bought his girlfriend a loaf of bread. This happened 20 years ago and, of all the things she remembers about their time together, she remembers that loaf of bread.

Why?

Because he took the time to notice, on another occasion, that she loved this particular type of bread, and he made an effort to get it for her.

Your journal entries aren���t always going to be some big drawn-out affair. They may be about the smallest things or they could be about huge events in your lives, like the birth of a child, your wedding, anniversaries, death of a loved one or buying a new pet.

Each has its own significance in your life, but much of what you write will probably seem insignificant at the time. Five years from now, however, it might be a truly fond memory you enjoy recalling.

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Things to Include in Your Couples Journal

Before we get too far into this topic, I want to tiptoe through Gary Chapman���s Five Love Languages. Are you familiar with them? If not, you can dig deeper into them here.

I remember reading about the Five Love Languages for the first time and thinking to myself, these are great, but I can make them better!

If you���ve ever read anything I���ve written, you know that men and women think differently, love differently and have different needs in a relationship.

The Five Love Languages summarize the ways in which people prefer to be loved, but I want to summarize for you how to best use these love languages with your guy.

One word of caution before I continue. Often, when I share these tips with women, they go overboard and do them all the time.

You don���t need to use any of these on a daily basis ��� that���s overkill, and it takes away the true meaning of doing it. You want to use these when the occasion arises, otherwise, it won���t feel special.

Words of Affirmation

If someone���s love language is words of affirmation, it means they like to get the proverbial pat on the back from time to time and an ���atta��� boy type of thing.

The trick to this is timing.

I own a construction business. If someone tells me the tile job I just completed for them is awesome, I���m glad to hear it, but it doesn���t get my juices flowing.

Now, if I get a review on one of my books, telling me how much the words helped a woman who was feeling really down and out, I am walking on air!

What���s the difference?

I���ve been in construction for my entire adult life, which is more years than I���d like to admit. I have heard compliments for most of those years. While I appreciate the compliments, they don���t make me feel any better than before I heard them.

But, when I make a positive impact in the life of someone by helping them feel better, I truly feel as if I���d contributed and I feel great!

When you deliver words of affirmation to your guy, make them relate to something he���s passionate about. If he likes rebuilding Mustangs, compliment him on the paint job or how nice the engine sounds when he revs it up.

Hit him in his passion point and watch the smile spread across his face!

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Gifts

For your guy, gifts might seem insignificant, but they aren���t. You might feel as if your guy is impossible to buy for, but that���s probably not true either.

The easiest way to really strike gold with your guy is to gift him with something that relates to his passion (again).

If he likes sports, get him tickets for his favorite team. If he���s into cars, get him a book on the history of his favorite car or a how-to on something he enjoys doing.

A gift can also be the meal his mom always made that made him feel warm and fuzzy or his favorite kind of cake or cookie.

It can even be something as simple as a note in his computer bag or on the bathroom mirror that reminds him he���s special to you.

Quality Time

If his love language is quality time, you have more leverage to do it more often. The best way to show him you love him with quality time is to do something together that you both enjoy. It can be anything from having a movie night at home to taking a vacation away together for a week or two.

The trick to quality time is that you might need your space while he craves time together. In this instance, you need to have an open and honest discussion so the two of you can land on the same page.

While you���re willing to have that movie night tonight, you might then want to spend the following evening having a girls��� night or taking a class.

If you���re honest with one another, everything should work out fine. While you���re out with your friends, he can work on his passion project or hang out with his friends.

The important thing to know is that if he���s craving quality time with you but you like your independence, you need to find a balance you can both live with.

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Physical Touch

I find physical touch to be the most challenging for couples. I knew a couple once who were polar opposites on this. He craved physical touch and even begged for it while she was more of a don���t touch me type.

It didn���t work out. His whining to be touched all the time drove her crazy and she came to resent his need to be touched. They didn���t understand the love languages. If they had, they probably could have worked something out.

If your guy craves physical touch, find out what it is he���s looking for. Does he like the occasional massage or does he enjoy holding hands? Maybe he just likes to have his arm around you when you���re together or for you to place your hand on his knee when you���re sitting together.

You need to have a conversation about it to see what exactly he wants. Even if your language isn���t touch, you���ll have to adjust and be accommodating. Just like the other languages, you both need to find a balance between his need to be touched and your needs, whatever they might be.

Acts of Service

Often, this is how a man shows he loves you. Men tend to be doers. Sometimes, however, this could be his love language as well.

Acts of service and gifts can overlap. An act of service might be preparing his favorite meal or cleaning his car for him. It might be something as simple as picking up his laundry at the cleaner���s or mowing the lawn.

Love Language Final Notes

It���s possible to have more than one love language, although one will be stronger than the other and usually, most don���t have more than two.

This is nice because it gives you some flexibility in how you show your love for him.

If you���re unsure of your own love language, or his, you can figure it out easily enough by paying attention to how he responds to different things you do.

Another great hint to his own love language is how he shows his love to you. Our tendency is to show love in the way which most represents how we want to be loved. If he showers you with gifts, that might be his love language as well.

If he does things for you around the house, he may like acts of service.

You get the idea.

The important thing is to recognize his love languages and show him you love him in the language he understands best. The second most important thing is to strike a balance between your needs and his. This requires discussion and honesty.

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Building a Solid Relationship Foundation with a Couples Journal

Researchers have spent the last 30 or so years trying to uncover what makes a successful relationship happen. After plowing through tons of this research, I have a few keys to success to share with you today, all of which you can accomplish by using a love journal.

Admire Your Partner

Your guy might be the worst joke-teller on the planet, but if you laugh at his jokes anyway and believe that he can tell a great joke, your relationship stands a better chance of survival.

Nobody is perfect, but if you���ve found a great guy, all he needs to be is perfect for you. He might not look like a male model, but he tells corny jokes, has a good job and a smile that melts your heart, every time.

When we get in a funk, we tend to look at the negatives, but what if you focus instead on positives.

The next time your guy annoys the heck out of you by leaving the seat up (why do women need to win this one? ?), recall the time he made you laugh so hard at that joke he tells every time you go out for sushi.

If you make a conscious choice to look at the things that attracted you to him in the first place, you will find yourself in a happier relationship. Be enthusiastic about him. Don���t make him your passion or hobby, but get excited when you see him and let him know it.

When you use your couples journal, let him know what it is about him that revs your engine. Show that enthusiasm for his dumb sushi joke.

Focus on and Celebrate the Good Times in your Couples Journal

In a University of California study by Shelly Gable, participants ranked receiving a supportive response to good news higher than receiving a sympathetic response to bad news. Gable categorized our set of possible reactions into four categories:

Active Constructive
Passive Constructive
Active Destructive
Passive Destructive

If you engage in Active Constructive communication, you���re saying something like, ���I���m so proud of you for getting that promotion!��� This is an excellent way to communicate with your partner and will have the most lasting positive impact.

While it might also seem okay to say, ���Gee Sweetie, that���s good���, it���s not really anywhere close to a great response. It���s like you���re being dismissive ��� he���s got great news but he interrupted your important life to deliver it.

Now, if your guy comes to you with a promotion and your response is ���Does this mean you���ll have to work more on the weekends?���, you���re engaging in Active Destructive communication. You���re essentially saying that his promotion sucks for your life, regardless of how it impacts his.

And finally, no response at all to his excited news is called Passive Destructive. You���re essentially ignoring him at a time when he just got a win ��� and a win is a big deal to a guy!

You want to focus your energy on being Active Constructive with your interactions. Don���t be fake because anyone can see fake. Whip up that enthusiasm we just talked about, focus on his good points, and for Pete���s sake, be glad he has a job!

In your couples journal, you can expand on your excitement over his good news. This is a great way to reinforce that you are happy for him and care enough to let him know about it. Avoid comments that seem dismissive, vague or negative.

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Be Grateful to Each Other Inside your Love Journal

It���s very hard to get too far down in the dumps if you���re focused on the good things happening in your life. This goes for everyone, single, in a relationship or married.

Gratitude is an essential tool in your confidence and self-esteem arsenal. When it comes to your relationship and your partner, take time, in your journal, to note the things he may have done in your world today that made a difference, albeit a small one.

Maybe he warms your car up every morning in the winter or cools it off in the summer. Perhaps he fixes the coffee before he dashes out the door or passes by the dry cleaners to get the dress you want to wear on date night tonight.

Gratitude forms a stronger connection between you and reminds you of your feelings toward one another. It also inspires responses from him. It turns an ordinary act into something extraordinary because you recognized and acknowledged it.

The kicker for gratitude is that you shouldn���t feel obligated to respond in kind if he says something nice. Be grateful from your heart, otherwise it just undoes the good of his gratitude toward you.

Enrich One Another���s Lives

I was listening to Intentional Living by John Maxwell the other day and something struck me so hard that I had to stop what I was doing to write it down.

What I wrote down was this: How did you matter in your partner���s life today? What was the story the two of you wrote today?

If you only answered these two questions every day for one another, you would have a relationship made in heaven!

I���d also like to take this in a different direction and encourage you to spend time together doing exciting things. Now, exciting is a relative term. Exciting for me might not be exciting for you but that���s where you expand one another and enrich one another���s lives.

Exciting for your guy might be zip-lining, which might terrify you and he probably knows it. Why not take the risk? The benefits are tremendous.

First, you build a great experience together, but you also face a fear, which builds your own self-esteem and confidence! This is a win-win. The excitement of the activity will form a bond between you and if you both get something out of the experience, that bond is nearly inseverable.

Being there to boost one another up is a great way to show your support for your partner. You can use your couples journal to not only write about the experience but stick in some photographs for a deeper memory.

This type of activity shows your partner that you���re not only there for the good times, but you���re there to support one another during difficult times too.

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Encourage One Another to Pursue Goals

The final brick of your foundation that we���ll discuss today is to encourage one another in the pursuit of your goals. A great use of your love journal might be to write down, as individuals, what your goals are. Then, compare notes and come up with a list of goals for you as a couple.

Not all your goals will align and that���s okay. You���re not there to approve of his goals, you���re there to support him in his pursuit of his goals.

A friend of mine is an engineer. After he graduated from college, he set a goal of getting his professional engineer���s license. He had a long-term goal of owning his own engineering firm and having is license was a requirement.

He was married with two young children, and pursuing his license meant spending two nights a week after work at a night class, leaving his young and exhausted wife home for more than 12 hours with the kids.

Still, she did it without complaint. She supported his goal to get his license. She allowed him time to study for his test and was supportive and encouraging when it was time to take the test. This meant an extra burden on her, but she didn���t complain.

Another example is a Biography show I watched recently. It was on Jeff Foxworthy, the comedian. They were interviewing his wife, Gregg, about their early marriage years and something she said struck me. She was talking about how they were broke most of the time while he did comedy gigs in bowling alleys and bars, but she didn���t care.

Then, her husband got his big break and was invited to be on the Johnny Carson show ��� the ultimate goal of every comedian in that era. What Gregg Foxworthy said went something like this, ���I was so excited. It was everything we had dreamed of.���

She didn���t say it was Jeff���s dream. It was their dream. That���s magic right there!

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10 Ways to Use Your Couples Journal to Grow Your Relationship

In order to build wealth, financial advisers recommend paying yourself before your bills.

This is the same effect a couple���s journal can have on your relationship. By putting dedicated time and energy into one another before anything else, you are investing in building a solid future together.

It should be a fun activity, not something you dread, and if done right, it will be just that!

Record Photos and Feelings

When you both look back at this journal in years to come, you will treasure the photos and the feelings those photos bring forth.

The memories you build, which I like to call pennies in the jar, are like a form of relationship insurance. When a couple has strong, happy memories together, they are more likely to want to stay together than to go find someone new.

With each photograph, you can both write something about the photo, including where it was taken, how you felt while you were there and what was so memorable about the experience.

Use Your Couples Journal to Give Compliments to One Another

Life gets hectic! There may be days where you and your guy are like ships passing in the night. You can still connect with one another in a great way by providing a compliment, even if he���s not there to see it immediately!

���I truly appreciated how well you cleaned up the breakfast dishes this morning! I was in a hurry and it really made me happy to come home from work tonight without a mess to clean up!���

Everyone likes to be appreciated and this is a great way to let a man know that the little things he does for you don���t go unnoticed! Just like you, he wants to feel appreciated for his efforts.

Share Your Hopes and Dreams

What a better way to use a couples journal than to dream about your next big adventure together! This makes me think of the movie, Up! Even though it���s a cartoon, it���s a really cool movie to watch!

If you haven���t seen it, an older man and a young boy strike out on an adventure together. At the end of their adventure, the man opens the journal he and his now-deceased wife kept and realizes that she wanted him to continue his adventure without her.

This movie puts life in perspective!

What if this was your last year to spend together? What types of adventures would you want to go on together? What dreams would you want to fulfill?

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Use Your Couples Journal as a Tool for Communication

Sometimes, communication can be difficult. Men have times in their lives when they retreat into their own little cocoon in order to re-evaluate, problem solve or lick their wounds.

While your instinct might be to try to nurture him out of it, a better way to communicate with him during his difficult time is to ask him a question in your journal.

You can also share stories of difficult times in your own life. While these may not prompt immediate discussion, it isn���t something he���s likely to forget.

You can write letters to one another, either randomly, or for special occasions or difficult trials in your relationship. Communication doesn���t always come naturally to a man in a relationship but if he can write it down, he may be more willing to share.

Share Your Feelings

Keeping in mind that this is a positive space, share your feelings with your guy. Even if you���re telling him how frustrated you were with something he did, it���s important to write that as a feelings statement, rather than an accusation.

He will respond much better to:

���Tom, it really made me feel invisible when you ignored me at the Baker���s party last weekend.���

Than he will respond to:

���The next time we go out and you treat me like crap, I���M LEAVING!���

You can even provide him with hints on how it might be better next time:

���It���s fine if you want to go off and hang out with your friends at a party, but I would enjoy the party more if we could do things as a couple too.���

Complaints should be at a minimum, though. This is the space to share the joyful moments!

���Sharing the birth of our first child with you was the most amazing experience of my life.���

Inspire One Another through Your Couples Journal

If you have favorite quotes you love, people who inspire you or things you���re passionate about, share them with your guy.

Use this space to inspire him to grow as an individual or to promote growth as a couple.

What do you want out of life? What does he want out of life? How can you inspire one another to achieve those goals?

Your couples journal is the unique history of your life together. It is a tool by which you can grow together and form an unbreakable bond. It���s the place from which the dreams of your life together are laid bare.

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Record Lasting Memories

Not all memories come from big vacations on the beach, weddings and other large celebrations. Some of the best memories come from the smallest of things.

Your couple���s journal is a great place to write down that time you forgot to put the entire amount of flour in the cookies and they spread all over the pan or the time he put fertilizer on the lawn���except for that one strip down the middle.

Your yearly trips to the apple orchard or to pick out that perfect Christmas tree (or the Charlie Brown one!) can be logged in your journal.

Save Mementos

The ticket from the first movie you saw together or a napkin from the first bar you went to together are great mementos to take you back to those exciting moments of your young relationship.

As your relationship grows and builds, you can save other items with meaning like wedding invitations, markers of goals achieved or results of shared hobbies like photographs or printed documents.

You can also store the names of songs that mean something to both of you, poems, cards or other items that only the two of you can appreciate.

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Final Thoughts on Building a Solid Foundation with Your Couples Journal

I wanted to conclude by sharing with you some of the remaining research I uncovered about successful marriages, but just in a few bullet points. It���s important because the focus is on how men and women perceive the success factors of their relationships differently.

When asked, women stated these as the top reasons why their marriage was successful (in decreasing order):

Freedom to pursue dreams and individuality
Similar backgrounds and interests
Friendship
Love
My spouse is a good person
Support of one another
Commitment

Men responded with these:

Friendship
Love
Similar backgrounds and interests
Similar values
Know one another well before marriage
Respect for the other person���s feelings
Commitment

If you use your couples journal to hit most of those, you will be in great shape! While it���s long, this article is full of ideas for sharing your thoughts in writing.

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The Power of a Couples Journal is in the Memories

Memories shore up your relationship and help to keep it affair proof. They are things shared just between the two of you, things that can���t be undone.

This can become a fundamental communication tool between the two of you and an invaluable resource for growth as a couple.

Couples who have a strong emotional bond report a higher quality relationship and this comes from using more than one form of communication and sharing.

A couples journal or love journal is a way for you to recall things you���ve done in the past to keep things fresh. There���s nothing wrong with recycling an activity you both highly enjoyed, like a two-hour drive in the country or a trip to a museum.

If you make this an activity that���s fun and not drudgery, your guy will get on board. It might take him couple weeks or so to become excited about it, but if you���re patient and not demanding, he���ll get there.

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The post Me. You. Forever! Your Personal Couples Journal appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Surprising Things You Need to Know About Using a Couple’s Journal

Surprising Things You Need to Know About Using a Couple’s Journal

Whether you feel as if you have a great marriage or you fear things are teetering on the edge of disaster, a couple���s journal might be one of the best tools you can use. Strengthening your relationship doesn���t happen without both of you putting in the time and effort.

There are many benefits to journaling in general, and as a couple, you can multiply those benefits by doing some of the activities together.

Note: This is a long article, so I’ve provided an easy way for you to navigate the information. Just use the links below to read the different sections of this post!

Benefits of Journaling

Journaling and Men

Things to Include in Your Journal

Building a Solid Relationship Foundation with a Couple’s Journal

10 Ways to Use Your Couple’s Journal to Grow Your Relationship

Final Thoughts on Building a Solid Foundation

The Power of the Memories

Benefits of Journaling
Journaling Improves Intelligence

One way in which clinicians measure overall intelligence is by the size of your vocabulary.

In a study conducted by the University of Victoria, the IQ and writing ability of subjects was tested before and after performing writing exercises. Following the exercises, the research indicated that a strong relationship existed between performing writing exercises and increased intelligence.

It further indicated that people who write have a higher IQ. In other words, writers are smart people, and this extends to those who write in journals, not just professionals!

The logic behind these results rests in the use of language. Writing encourages you to explore your language further and enables you to find and use words you might not use in everyday verbal exchanges.

If you are using a couple���s journal, you can challenge one another by sneaking in new words or phrases. You can also have a word of the day that is new to both of you, as well as other fun language-based activities.

Letting Go of Negativity

Writing in a journal provides a space in which you can let your pent-up negative emotions flow. I have heard of parents and children sharing a private journal where the child can write anything in the journal, knowing the parent will read the passage. The parent, however, is not allowed to apply any negative consequences to what is written.

If a child confesses something, it can be up for discussion, but in a healthy way, not in a way which will lead to negative consequences or impact from the parent.

Children are often more likely to share truth with their parents in this way, opening the door for parents to have often vital and constructive discussions with their child while building a trusting relationship.

In a couple���s journal, you can work things in much the same way. What is written between the two of you stays between the two of you. Additionally, the door is opened for discussion without negative consequences.

If your partner shares with you that he is really put off by the way you hover over him when he is feeling stressed, it enables you to look at your own behavior and have an open, honest and positive conversation. Sometimes initiating these conversations in person can be difficult, but if you can initiate them in a journal, you can get further.

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Dealing with Anxiety

Anxiety, at its core, is negative self-talk running amok. Some call it worry, but anxiety goes beyond worry because the person with anxiety is often imagining an extremely negative outcome to a future event.

Writing in a journal is helpful because it helps you look back on your thought patterns to see how they flow. You can watch the anxious thoughts unfold and see patterns emerge when you aren���t feeling anxious.

Journaling also has a calming effect on your mind. You can let go of the negative thoughts that are banging around in your head. As you journal, you will uncover not only the thought patterns you have during your anxious moments, but also the triggers.

This is one area of using a couple���s journal where you must be careful and sensitive to one another. When someone is sharing their negative thought patterns and behaviors, it���s important not to reinforce those, and it���s equally important to avoid judgment.

If your partner shares in the journal that he is feeling terribly anxious about an upcoming job interview, you don���t want to feed his anxiety with more negative talk, but you also don���t want to say something seemingly harmless like, ���Dan, I don���t know why you worry so much about this stuff.���

While a statement like that sounds as if you���re trying to lift him up, what you���re really doing is telling him he���s silly to worry.

Instead, you can remind him of his attributes and accomplishments, ���Dan, getting that PMI certification last month was a great accomplishment and your people skills are great. I���m sure the interviewer will see that too!���

Strengthen Your Immune System

Can you believe that journaling can actually make you healthier?

The reason for this benefit is most of the other benefits we have already and will discuss. When you experience less anxiety, you are healthier. When you aren���t feeling depressed, you���re healthier. If you let go of negativity, you���re happier and therefore healthier.

There are even studies which indicate your body will better fight diseases like AIDS, asthma and cancer. Notice I didn���t say cure, but help you fight them.

Other studies indicate that you heal faster when you take the time to journal even 20 minutes a day for three days in a row.

You have time for that, don���t you?

As a couple, being healthier means spending more quality time together! That���s always a good thing! If you each commit to spending twenty minutes writing in your journal, the health of both of you will benefit.

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Improved Emotional Health

When you journal, you are more in tune with your thoughts and inner desires. You are mindful of your surroundings and your thoughts, meaning you can remain present in this moment and not allow your anxiety to kick in.

Writing in a journal helps your brain keep your emotions regulated and improves your self-confidence and identity, and it triggers and grows the creative side of your brain.

In every possible way, journaling promotes personal growth and awareness.

You Develop a Practice of Mindfulness

When you are mindful, you are present in the moment. You aren���t ruminating on the past or anxious about the future. Yes, you may write about something in the past or a future concern, but you���re able to write about your hopes and fears in a way that allows your mind to work through it.

You���re actively engaging in your thought process, which, as you���ve already read, is benefiting from this activity in numerous other ways already.

Here���s the kicker. When you���re mindful, studies show that you���re also happier.

BONUS!

As a couple, you can become more mindful, not only of your own thoughts, but those of your partner. It���s easy, when we���re stressed, to become absorbed in our own thoughts, but if you and your partner are doing this together, you can be more present in their world as well.

You Gain Self-Discipline

Setting aside time, every day, to write in your journal begins a practice of self-discipline and, like anything else, the more you do it, the better you���ll be.

The great thing is that as you form this habit, others are likely to form as well.

For example, developing a habit of journaling brings mindfulness during those moments, but it also helps you develop more of an overall mindfulness mindset.

If you develop a habit of doing the dishes after each meal instead of allowing them to pile up, before you know it, you���ll be keeping other areas of the kitchen cleaner, which will lead to keeping the adjoining rooms cleaner, and so on.

Good habits and self-discipline build and expand, which is always a great thing in your life!

As a couple, you can encourage one another when one isn���t feeling it. Sometimes, you just come home from work or school and you���re exhausted. Doing even one more thing seems like too much.

Still, your partner says something like, ���Gee Honey, I know how you feel. I was wiped out too, but writing in our journal when I got home actually helped me feel refreshed and energized.���

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Using a Couple’s Journal and Men

Women are probably more inclined to journal than men, although I think men are willing to do it if they can see clear benefits. What you need to know about initiating a couple���s journal with your guy is how to keep him engaged in the process.

I read reviews of many of the top couple���s journals out there and one comment I read over and over was concerning to me, so I want to address it and help you understand how men will stay engaged in the process.

It Should Be Fun

Yes, this journal will have its serious entries, but life isn���t always about being serious. Many negative comments I read about couple���s journaling included comments about silly activities and how the woman writing the review was annoyed by the silliness.

First of all, let yourself have fun once in a while. Great moments in a relationship aren���t always built when you���re being serious with one another. Highly memorable moments are often built in the silliest of situations.

���Julie, remember the time I thought I could just to sprinting across that stream and I landed flat on my butt in the ice-cold water? That was a great hike!���

Secondly, a man is going to enjoy this process more if it isn���t always so serious, and quite frankly, so will you.

There are times to be serious in your life and in your journaling, but there are also times to cut loose and have fun. Challenge one another to do silly things like, ���Hey Jack, I bet I can eat more donuts than you for breakfast this morning! I���m heading to Krispy Kreme now for a dozen! Be hungry!���

This is great! This is something you can both write about later, probably in different ways. You might write about how much fun it was to watch Jack try to beat your donut count. This is because men are competitive, and we want to win! Even against you!

He may write about how much he enjoyed the mystery of wondering what you���ll pull next! You were mysterious to him ��� this is always a good thing! Of course, he���ll also like the challenge itself, so it���s a double win!

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It Should be a Safe Space

Earlier, I eluded to the fact that your journal should be a safe space where the two of you can share anything without fear of negative consequences.

Before you begin, agree that your journaling space is a judgment-free zone. Your partner can share his thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears and desires and he can do so knowing that he won���t be negatively judged.

You have that same freedom.

If something comes up that you want to ask about, you do so without negativity and judgment.

���Joe, I saw that you wrote about being afraid you���re going to lose your job in the company downsizing. I just want you to know I���m here for you if you want to talk more about it.���

Or,

���Steve, I saw that entry you wrote about your sex fantasy yesterday and I wanted to know if you���d like to try it sometime. I���m up for it if you are!���

The idea of a couple���s journal is to be there to share memories together and be supportive of one another. If you treat your partner���s entries with respect, he will be more and more open with his entries and responses.

You Might Not Always Like What the Other Writes

Another criticism I���ve read about couple���s journals is that the questions inside pre-printed journals can cause a fight.

While I would never encourage a couple to argue, I am also realistic and I know that, from time to time, a couple is going to suffer through a disagreement. This is a normal part of a relationship.

Disagreeing with one another doesn���t mean you stop caring for or loving one another. It means that, on this topic, you don���t agree. Period.

I recently read somewhere that couples experience more arguments earlier in their marriage. I suspect this has something to do with not having a rhythm between you, not truly knowing one another well and perhaps a slight degree of immaturity ��� a need to be right versus a need to settle the disagreement.

Of course, we���ve declared the journal to be a judgment-free and positive space, but still, things happen. You can be tired, emotionally wrung out, overwrought or overly anxious about something and you allow your emotions to run away with you.

If your partner shares something in the journal that is upsetting to you, you have a choice on how to react, regardless of how you feel. You can react emotionally and fly off the handle, or you can react proactively and think carefully about your response before delivering it.

May I encourage you to be proactive?

Either way, you are in control of your reaction. That���s a topic for an entirely different article, but it���s important for you to understand that whether you get angry or not is your choice. Just like it���s his choice if he gets angry.

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Set a Cadence You Can Both Manage

Let���s face it. Life is crazy hectic, especially if you have children. While you might want to write in your couple���s journal every day, it might not be realistic. Even if you have the time, your guy might not.

As you begin the couple���s journal journey, discuss how frequently you would both like to write. It���s okay if you don���t write the same amount or on the same days. The idea is to build your life together and have a hard copy memory of your life together.

It may be that the two of you agree to write weekly, every other day or every day. You may find out, as you get into it, that you can do more frequently, or you need to do less frequently.

There are no rules except the ones you both agree to. Don���t force him to write every day if you both know, realistically, that he���s not going to do it.

You may both get into it and realize that you both enjoy the writing and want to step it up. Whatever you do is fine. The point is to make this stress-free, enjoyable, positive and memorable.

It���s Not Always About the BIG Memories

I knew a guy once who bought his girlfriend a loaf of bread. This happened 20 years ago and, of all the things she remembers about their time together, she remembers that loaf of bread.

Why?

Because he took the time to notice, on another occasion, that she loved this particular type of bread, and he made an effort to get it for her.

Your journal entries aren���t always going to be some big drawn-out affair. They may be about the smallest things or they could be about huge events in your lives, like the birth of a child, your wedding, anniversaries, death of a loved one or buying a new pet.

Each has its own significance in your life, but much of what you write will probably seem insignificant at the time. Five years from now, however, it might be a truly fond memory you enjoy recalling.

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Things to Include in Your Journal

Before we get too far into this topic, I want to tiptoe through Gary Chapman���s Five Love Languages. Are you familiar with them? If not, you can dig deeper into them here.

I remember reading about the Five Love Languages for the first time and thinking to myself, these are great, but I can make them better!

If you���ve ever read anything I���ve written, you know that men and women think differently, love differently and have different needs in a relationship.

The Five Love Languages summarize the ways in which people prefer to be loved, but I want to summarize for you how to best use these love languages with your guy.

One word of caution before I continue. Often, when I share these tips with women, they go overboard and do them all the time.

You don���t need to use any of these on a daily basis ��� that���s overkill, and it takes away the true meaning of doing it. You want to use these when the occasion arises, otherwise, it won���t feel special.

Words of Affirmation

If someone���s love language is words of affirmation, it means they like to get the proverbial pat on the back from time to time and an ���atta��� boy type of thing.

The trick to this is timing.

I own a construction business. If someone tells me the tile job I just completed for them is awesome, I���m glad to hear it, but it doesn���t get my juices flowing.

Now, if I get a review on one of my books, telling me how much the words helped a woman who was feeling really down and out, I am walking on air!

What���s the difference?

I���ve been in construction for my entire adult life, which is more years than I���d like to admit. I have heard compliments for most of those years. While I appreciate the compliments, they don���t make me feel any better than before I heard them.

But, when I make a positive impact in the life of someone by helping them feel better, I truly feel as if I���d contributed and I feel great!

When you deliver words of affirmation to your guy, make them relate to something he���s passionate about. If he likes rebuilding Mustangs, compliment him on the paint job or how nice the engine sounds when he revs it up.

Hit him in his passion point and watch the smile spread across his face!

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Gifts

For your guy, gifts might seem insignificant, but they aren���t. You might feel as if your guy is impossible to buy for, but that���s probably not true either.

The easiest way to really strike gold with your guy is to gift him with something that relates to his passion (again).

If he likes sports, get him tickets for his favorite team. If he���s into cars, get him a book on the history of his favorite car or a how-to on something he enjoys doing.

A gift can also be the meal his mom always made that made him feel warm and fuzzy or his favorite kind of cake or cookie.

It can even be something as simple as a note in his computer bag or on the bathroom mirror that reminds him he���s special to you.

Quality Time

If his love language is quality time, you have more leverage to do it more often. The best way to show him you love him with quality time is to do something together that you both enjoy. It can be anything from having a movie night at home to taking a vacation away together for a week or two.

The trick to quality time is that you might need your space while he craves time together. In this instance, you need to have an open and honest discussion so the two of you can land on the same page.

While you���re willing to have that movie night tonight, you might then want to spend the following evening having a girls��� night or taking a class.

If you���re honest with one another, everything should work out fine. While you���re out with your friends, he can work on his passion project or hang out with his friends.

The important thing to know is that if he���s craving quality time with you but you like your independence, you need to find a balance you can both live with.

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Physical Touch

I find physical touch to be the most challenging for couples. I knew a couple once who were polar opposites on this. He craved physical touch and even begged for it while she was more of a don���t touch me type.

It didn���t work out. His whining to be touched all the time drove her crazy and she came to resent his need to be touched. They didn���t understand the love languages. If they had, they probably could have worked something out.

If your guy craves physical touch, find out what it is he���s looking for. Does he like the occasional massage or does he enjoy holding hands? Maybe he just likes to have his arm around you when you���re together or for you to place your hand on his knee when you���re sitting together.

You need to have a conversation about it to see what exactly he wants. Even if your language isn���t touch, you���ll have to adjust and be accommodating. Just like the other languages, you both need to find a balance between his need to be touched and your needs, whatever they might be.

Acts of Service

Often, this is how a man shows he loves you. Men tend to be doers. Sometimes, however, this could be his love language as well.

Acts of service and gifts can overlap. An act of service might be preparing his favorite meal or cleaning his car for him. It might be something as simple as picking up his laundry at the cleaner���s or mowing the lawn.

Love Language Final Notes

It���s possible to have more than one love language, although one will be stronger than the other and usually, most don���t have more than two.

This is nice because it gives you some flexibility in how you show your love for him.

If you���re unsure of your own love language, or his, you can figure it out easily enough by paying attention to how he responds to different things you do.

Another great hint to his own love language is how he shows his love to you. Our tendency is to show love in the way which most represents how we want to be loved. If he showers you with gifts, that might be his love language as well.

If he does things for you around the house, he may like acts of service.

You get the idea.

The important thing is to recognize his love languages and show him you love him in the language he understands best. The second most important thing is to strike a balance between your needs and his. This requires discussion and honesty.

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Building a Solid Relationship Foundation with a Couple���s Journal

Researchers have spent the last 30 or so years trying to uncover what makes a successful relationship happen. After plowing through tons of this research, I have a few keys to success to share with you today, all of which you can accomplish by using a couple���s journal.

Admire Your Partner

Your guy might be the worst joke-teller on the planet, but if you laugh at his jokes anyway and believe that he can tell a great joke, your relationship stands a better chance of survival.

Nobody is perfect, but if you���ve found a great guy, all he needs to be is perfect for you. He might not look like a male model, but he tells corny jokes, has a good job and a smile that melts your heart, every time.

When we get in a funk, we tend to look at the negatives, but what if you focus instead on positives.

The next time your guy annoys the heck out of you by leaving the seat up (why do women need to win this one? ����), recall the time he made you laugh so hard at that joke he tells every time you go out for sushi.

If you make a conscious choice to look at the things that attracted you to him in the first place, you will find yourself in a happier relationship. Be enthusiastic about him. Don���t make him your passion or hobby, but get excited when you see him and let him know it.

When you use your couple���s journal, let him know what it is about him that revs your engine. Show that enthusiasm for his dumb sushi joke.

Focus on and Celebrate the Good Times

In a University of California study by Shelly Gable, participants ranked receiving a supportive response to good news higher than receiving a sympathetic response to bad news. Gable categorized our set of possible reactions into four categories:

Active Constructive
Passive Constructive
Active Destructive
Passive Destructive

If you engage in Active Constructive communication, you���re saying something like, ���I���m so proud of you for getting that promotion!��� This is an excellent way to communicate with your partner and will have the most lasting positive impact.

While it might also seem okay to say, ���Gee Sweetie, that���s good���, it���s not really anywhere close to a great response. It���s like you���re being dismissive ��� he���s got great news but he interrupted your important life to deliver it.

Now, if your guy comes to you with a promotion and your response is ���Does this mean you���ll have to work more on the weekends?���, you���re engaging in Active Destructive communication. You���re essentially saying that his promotion sucks for your life, regardless of how it impacts his.

And finally, no response at all to his excited news is called Passive Destructive. You���re essentially ignoring him at a time when he just got a win ��� and a win is a big deal to a guy!

You want to focus your energy on being Active Constructive with your interactions. Don���t be fake because anyone can see fake. Whip up that enthusiasm we just talked about, focus on his good points, and for Pete���s sake, be glad he has a job!

In your couple���s journal, you can expand on your excitement over his good news. This is a great way to reinforce that you are happy for him and care enough to let him know about it. Avoid comments that seem dismissive, vague or negative.

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Be Grateful

It���s very hard to get too far down in the dumps if you���re focused on the good things happening in your life. This goes for everyone, single, in a relationship or married.

Gratitude is an essential tool in your confidence and self-esteem arsenal. When it comes to your relationship and your partner, take time, in your journal, to note the things he may have done in your world today that made a difference, albeit a small one.

Maybe he warms your car up every morning in the winter or cools it off in the summer. Perhaps he fixes the coffee before he dashes out the door or passes by the dry cleaners to get the dress you want to wear on date night tonight.

Gratitude forms a stronger connection between you and reminds you of your feelings toward one another. It also inspires responses from him. It turns an ordinary act into something extraordinary because you recognized and acknowledged it.

The kicker for gratitude is that you shouldn���t feel obligated to respond in kind if he says something nice. Be grateful from your heart, otherwise it just undoes the good of his gratitude toward you.

Enrich One Another���s Lives

I was listening to Intentional Living by John Maxwell the other day and something struck me so hard that I had to stop what I was doing to write it down.

What I wrote down was this: How did you matter in your partner���s life today? What was the story the two of you wrote today?

If you only answered these two questions every day for one another, you would have a relationship made in heaven!

I���d also like to take this in a different direction and encourage you to spend time together doing exciting things. Now, exciting is a relative term. Exciting for me might not be exciting for you but that���s where you expand one another and enrich one another���s lives.

Exciting for your guy might be zip-lining, which might terrify you and he probably knows it. Why not take the risk? The benefits are tremendous.

First, you build a great experience together, but you also face a fear, which builds your own self-esteem and confidence! This is a win-win. The excitement of the activity will form a bond between you and if you both get something out of the experience, that bond is nearly inseverable.

Being there to boost one another up is a great way to show your support for your partner. You can use your couple���s journal to not only write about the experience but stick in some photographs for a deeper memory.

This type of activity shows your partner that you���re not only there for the good times, but you���re there to support one another during difficult times too.

Top

Encourage One Another to Pursue Goals

The final brick of your foundation that we���ll discuss today is to encourage one another in the pursuit of your goals. A great use of your journal might be to write down, as individuals, what your goals are. Then, compare notes and come up with a list of goals for you as a couple.

Not all your goals will align and that���s okay. You���re not there to approve of his goals, you���re there to support him in his pursuit of his goals.

A friend of mine is an engineer. After he graduated from college, he set a goal of getting his professional engineer���s license. He had a long-term goal of owning his own engineering firm and having is license was a requirement.

He was married with two young children, and pursuing his license meant spending two nights a week after work at a night class, leaving his young and exhausted wife home for more than 12 hours with the kids.

Still, she did it without complaint. She supported his goal to get his license. She allowed him time to study for his test and was supportive and encouraging when it was time to take the test. This meant an extra burden on her, but she didn���t complain.

Another example is a Biography show I watched recently. It was on Jeff Foxworthy, the comedian. They were interviewing his wife, Gregg, about their early marriage years and something she said struck me. She was talking about how they were broke most of the time while he did comedy gigs in bowling alleys and bars, but she didn���t care.

Then, her husband got his big break and was invited to be on the Johnny Carson show ��� the ultimate goal of every comedian in that era. What Gregg Foxworthy said went something like this, ���I was so excited. It was everything we had dreamed of.���

She didn���t say it was Jeff���s dream. It was their dream. That���s magic right there!

Top

10 Ways to Use Your Couple���s Journal to Grow Your Relationship

In order to build wealth, financial advisers recommend paying yourself before your bills.

This is the same effect a couple���s journal can have on your relationship. By putting dedicated time and energy into one another before anything else, you are investing in building a solid future together.

It should be a fun activity, not something you dread, and if done right, it will be just that!

Record Photos and Feelings

When you both look back at this journal in years to come, you will treasure the photos and the feelings those photos bring forth.

The memories you build, which I like to call pennies in the jar, are like a form of relationship insurance. When a couple has strong, happy memories together, they are more likely to want to stay together than to go find someone new.

With each photograph, you can both write something about the photo, including where it was taken, how you felt while you were there and what was so memorable about the experience.

Use Your Couple���s Journal to Give Compliments to One Another

Life gets hectic! There may be days where you and your guy are like ships passing in the night. You can still connect with one another in a great way by providing a compliment, even if he���s not there to see it immediately!

���I truly appreciated how well you cleaned up the breakfast dishes this morning! I was in a hurry and it really made me happy to come home from work tonight without a mess to clean up!���

Everyone likes to be appreciated and this is a great way to let a man know that the little things he does for you don���t go unnoticed! Just like you, he wants to feel appreciated for his efforts.

Share Your Hopes and Dreams

What a better way to use a couple���s journal than to dream about your next big adventure together! This makes me think of the movie, Up! Even though it���s a cartoon, it���s a really cool movie to watch!

If you haven���t seen it, an older man and a young boy strike out on an adventure together. At the end of their adventure, the man opens the journal he and his now-deceased wife kept and realizes that she wanted him to continue his adventure without her.

This movie puts life in perspective!

What if this was your last year to spend together? What types of adventures would you want to go on together? What dreams would you want to fulfill?

Top

Use Your Couple���s Journal as a Tool for Communication

Sometimes, communication can be difficult. Men have times in their lives when they retreat into their own little cocoon in order to re-evaluate, problem solve or lick their wounds.

While your instinct might be to try to nurture him out of it, a better way to communicate with him during his difficult time is to ask him a question in your journal.

You can also share stories of difficult times in your own life. While these may not prompt immediate discussion, it isn���t something he���s likely to forget.

You can write letters to one another, either randomly, or for special occasions or difficult trials in your relationship. Communication doesn���t always come naturally to a man in a relationship but if he can write it down, he may be more willing to share.

Share Your Feelings

Keeping in mind that this is a positive space, share your feelings with your guy. Even if you���re telling him how frustrated you were with something he did, it���s important to write that as a feelings statement, rather than an accusation.

He will respond much better to:

���Tom, it really made me feel invisible when you ignored me at the Baker���s party last weekend.���

Than he will respond to:

���The next time we go out and you treat me like crap, I���M LEAVING!���

You can even provide him with hints on how it might be better next time:

���It���s fine if you want to go off and hang out with your friends at a party, but I would enjoy the party more if we could do things as a couple too.���

Complaints should be at a minimum, though. This is the space to share the joyful moments!

���Sharing the birth of our first child with you was the most amazing experience of my life.���

Inspire One Another through Your Couple���s Journal

If you have favorite quotes you love, people who inspire you or things you���re passionate about, share them with your guy.

Use this space to inspire him to grow as an individual or to promote growth as a couple.

What do you want out of life? What does he want out of life? How can you inspire one another to achieve those goals?

Your couple���s journal is the unique history of your life together. It is a tool by which you can grow together and form an unbreakable bond. It���s the place from which the dreams of your life together are laid bare.

Top

Record Lasting Memories

Not all memories come from big vacations on the beach, weddings and other large celebrations. Some of the best memories come from the smallest of things.

Your couple���s journal is a great place to write down that time you forgot to put the entire amount of flour in the cookies and they spread all over the pan or the time he put fertilizer on the lawn���except for that one strip down the middle.

Your yearly trips to the apple orchard or to pick out that perfect Christmas tree (or the Charlie Brown one!) can be logged in your journal.

Save Mementos

The ticket from the first movie you saw together or a napkin from the first bar you went to together are great mementos to take you back to those exciting moments of your young relationship.

As your relationship grows and builds, you can save other items with meaning like wedding invitations, markers of goals achieved or results of shared hobbies like photographs or printed documents.

You can also store the names of songs that mean something to both of you, poems, cards or other items that only the two of you can appreciate.

Top

Final Thoughts on Building a Solid Foundation with Your Couple’s Journal

I wanted to conclude by sharing with you some of the remaining research I uncovered about successful marriages, but just in a few bullet points. It���s important because the focus is on how men and women perceive the success factors of their relationships differently.

When asked, women stated these as the top reasons why their marriage was successful (in decreasing order):

Freedom to pursue dreams and individuality
Similar backgrounds and interests
Friendship
Love
My spouse is a good person
Support of one another
Commitment

Men responded with these:

Friendship
Love
Similar backgrounds and interests
Similar values
Know one another well before marriage
Respect for the other person���s feelings
Commitment

If you use your couple���s journal to hit most of those, you will be in great shape! While it���s long, this article is full of ideas for sharing your thoughts in writing.

Top

The Power of a Couple’s Journal is in the Memories

Memories shore up your relationship and help to keep it affair proof. They are things shared just between the two of you, things that can���t be undone.

This can become a fundamental communication tool between the two of you and an invaluable resource for growth as a couple.

Couples who have a strong emotional bond report a higher quality relationship and this comes from using more than one form of communication and sharing.

A couple���s journal is a way for you to recall things you���ve done in the past to keep things fresh. There���s nothing wrong with recycling an activity you both highly enjoyed, like a two-hour drive in the country or a trip to a museum.

If you make this an activity that���s fun and not drudgery, your guy will get on board. It might take him couple weeks or so to become excited about it, but if you���re patient and not demanding, he���ll get there.

Top

The post Surprising Things You Need to Know About Using a Couple’s Journal appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

You. Me. Forever. 10 Ideas to Include in Your Couple���s Journal

Create Memories by Using a Couple’s Journal!

The key to keep your relationship thriving is building great memories, and one great way to do this is with a couple���s journal.

As a couple, you should have a plan to help keep you both on track. A healthy plan includes building great memories together, something that should be a priority, not just an afterthought.

In order to build wealth, financial advisors recommend paying yourself before your bills.

This is the same effect a couple���s journal can have on your relationship. By putting dedicated time and energy into one another before anything else, you are investing in building a solid future together.

A couple���s journal is a shared diary you both visit on a regular basis, either daily or weekly as your schedule permits. You use this journal to learn more about one another, make plans together, set common and individual goals, share thoughts and communicate, all while learning more about one another.

It should be a fun activity, not something you dread, and if done right, it will be just that!

10 Ways to Use Your Couple���s Journal to Grow Your Relationship
Record Photos and Feelings

When you both look back at this journal in years to come, you will treasure the photos and the feelings those photos bring forth.

The memories you build, which I like to call pennies in the jar, are like a form of relationship insurance. When a couple has strong, happy memories together, they are more likely to want to stay together than to go find someone new.

With each photograph, you can both write something about the photo, including where it was taken, how you felt while you were there and what was so memorable about the experience.

Share Positive Thoughts and Memories in Your Love Journal

A couple���s journal is a place for positive memories, not quarreling. Your journal should be something you return to, years from now, and regard with fondness and warmth.

Yes, men can communicate!

It can be a place where you communicate your deepest thoughts, desires and emotions, safe from judgement and ridicule.

Even better, it can be a place where you share with your partner how much you appreciate him for different things he does or the way he acts in certain situations.

���It makes me feel so loved when you take the extra time to put away your clean laundry.���

Use Your Couple���s Journal to Give Compliments to One Another

Life gets hectic! There may be days where you and your guy are like ships passing in the night. You can still connect with one another in a great way by providing a compliment, even if he���s not there to see it immediately!

���I truly appreciated how well you cleaned up the breakfast dishes this morning! I was in a hurry and it really made me happy to come home from work tonight without a mess to clean up!���

Everyone likes to be appreciated and this is a great way to let a man know that the little things he does for you don���t go unnoticed! Just like you, he wants to feel appreciated for his efforts.

Show Your Gratitude

If there���s one thing you should have in your couple���s journal, it���s gratitude statements. They don���t necessarily even need to be about the other person, but some of them should.

���I am so grateful for being able to go to work in a job I love every day!���

���I am grateful for the way you make me feel special by rubbing my back when I���m tired.���

For a man, these are little cues about you that he can latch onto. He can also express to you the ways in which he���s grateful for you and your life together.

Being grateful, in general, helps you see the positives in your life, especially when everything seems to be falling apart.

Share Your Hopes and Dreams

What a better way to use a couple���s journal than to dream about your next big adventure together! This makes me think of the movie, Up! Even though it���s a cartoon, it���s a really cool movie to watch!

If you haven���t seen it, an older man and a young boy strike out on an adventure together. At the end of their adventure, the man opens the journal he and his now-deceased wife kept and realizes that she wanted him to continue his adventure without her.

This movie puts life in perspective!

What if this was your last year to spend together? What types of adventures would you want to go on together? What dreams would you want to fulfill?

Use Your Couple���s Journal as a Tool for Communication

Sometimes, communication can be difficult. Men have times in their lives when they retreat into their own little cocoon in order to re-evaluate, problem solve or lick their wounds.

While your instinct might be to try to nurture him out of it, a better way to communicate with him during his difficult time is to ask him a question in your journal.

You can also share stories of difficult times in your own life. While these may not prompt immediate discussion, it isn���t something he���s likely to forget.

You can write letters to one another, either randomly, or for special occasions or difficult trials in your relationship. Communication doesn���t always come naturally to a man in a relationship but if he can write it down, he may be more willing to share.

Share Your Feelings

Keeping in mind that this is a positive space, share your feelings with your guy. Even if you���re telling him how frustrated you were with something he did, it���s important to write that as a feelings statement, rather than an accusation.

He will respond much better to:

���Tom, it really made me feel invisible when you ignored me at the Baker���s party last weekend.���

Than he will to:

���The next time we go out and you treat me like crap, I���M LEAVING!���

You can even provide him with hints on how it might be better next time:

���It���s fine if you want to go off and hang out with your friends at a party, but I would enjoy the party more if we could do things as a couple too.���

Complaints should be at a minimum, though. This is the space to share the joyful moments!

���Sharing the birth of our first child with you was the most amazing experience of my life.���

Inspire One Another through Your Couple���s Journal

If you have favorite quotes you love, people who inspire you or things you���re passionate about, share them with your guy.

Write down how you felt on that mountain top

Use this space to inspire him to grow as an individual or as a way to promote growth as a couple.

What do you want out of life? What does he want out of life? How can you inspire one another to achieve those goals?

Your couple���s journal is the unique history of your life together. It is a tool by which you can grow together and form an unbreakable bond. It���s the place from which the dreams of your life together are laid bare.

Record Lasting Memories

Not all memories come from big vacations on the beach, weddings and other large celebrations. Some of the best memories come from the smallest of things.

Your couple���s journal is a great place to write down that time you forgot to put the entire amount of flour in the cookies and they spread all over the pan or the time he put fertilizer on the lawn���except for that one strip down the middle.

Your yearly trips to the apple orchard or to pick out that perfect Christmas tree (or the Charlie Brown one!) can be logged in your journal.

Save Mementos

The ticket from the first movie you saw together or a napkin from the first bar you went to together are great mementos to take you back to those exciting moments of your young relationship.

As your relationship grows and builds, you can save other items with meaning like wedding invitations, markers of goals achieved or results of shared hobbies like photographs or printed documents.

You can also store the names of songs that mean something to both of you, poems, cards or other items that only the two of you can appreciate.

The Power is in the Memories

Memories shore up your relationship and help to keep it affair proof. They are things shared just between the two of you, things that can���t be undone.

This can become a fundamental communication tool between the two of you and an invaluable resource for growth as a couple.

Couples who have a strong emotional bond report a higher quality relationship and this comes from using more than one form of communication and sharing.

A couple���s journal is a way for you to recall things you���ve done in the past to keep things fresh. There���s nothing wrong with recycling an activity you both highly enjoyed, like a two-hour drive in the country or a trip to a museum.

If you make this an activity that���s fun and not drudgery, your guy will get on board. It might take him couple weeks or so to become excited about it, but if you���re patient and not demanding, he���ll get there.

The post You. Me. Forever. 10 Ideas to Include in Your Couple���s Journal appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

You. Me. Forever. 10 Ideas to Include in Your Couple’s Journal

Create Memories by Using a Couple’s Journal!

The key to keep your relationship thriving is building great memories, and one great way to do this is with a couple’s journal.

As a couple, you should have a plan to help keep you both on track. A healthy plan includes building great memories together, something that should be a priority, not just an afterthought.

In order to build wealth, financial advisors recommend paying yourself before your bills.

This is the same effect a couple’s journal can have on your relationship. By putting dedicated time and energy into one another before anything else, you are investing in building a solid future together.

A couple’s journal is a shared diary you both visit on a regular basis, either daily or weekly as your schedule permits. You use this journal to learn more about one another, make plans together, set common and individual goals, share thoughts and communicate, all while learning more about one another.

It should be a fun activity, not something you dread, and if done right, it will be just that!

10 Ways to Use Your Couple’s Journal to Grow Your Relationship
Record Photos and Feelings

When you both look back at this journal in years to come, you will treasure the photos and the feelings those photos bring forth.

The memories you build, which I like to call pennies in the jar, are like a form of relationship insurance. When a couple has strong, happy memories together, they are more likely to want to stay together than to go find someone new.

With each photograph, you can both write something about the photo, including where it was taken, how you felt while you were there and what was so memorable about the experience.

Share Positive Thoughts and Memories in Your Love Journal

A couple’s journal is a place for positive memories, not quarreling. Your journal should be something you return to, years from now, and regard with fondness and warmth.

Yes, men can communicate!

It can be a place where you communicate your deepest thoughts, desires and emotions, safe from judgement and ridicule.

Even better, it can be a place where you share with your partner how much you appreciate him for different things he does or the way he acts in certain situations.

“It makes me feel so loved when you take the extra time to put away your clean laundry.”

Use Your Couple’s Journal to Give Compliments to One Another

Life gets hectic! There may be days where you and your guy are like ships passing in the night. You can still connect with one another in a great way by providing a compliment, even if he’s not there to see it immediately!

“I truly appreciated how well you cleaned up the breakfast dishes this morning! I was in a hurry and it really made me happy to come home from work tonight without a mess to clean up!”

Everyone likes to be appreciated and this is a great way to let a man know that the little things he does for you don’t go unnoticed! Just like you, he wants to feel appreciated for his efforts.

Show Your Gratitude

If there’s one thing you should have in your couple’s journal, it’s gratitude statements. They don’t necessarily even need to be about the other person, but some of them should.

“I am so grateful for being able to go to work in a job I love every day!”

“I am grateful for the way you make me feel special by rubbing my back when I’m tired.”

For a man, these are little cues about you that he can latch onto. He can also express to you the ways in which he’s grateful for you and your life together.

Being grateful, in general, helps you see the positives in your life, especially when everything seems to be falling apart.

Share Your Hopes and Dreams

What a better way to use a couple’s journal than to dream about your next big adventure together! This makes me think of the movie, Up! Even though it’s a cartoon, it’s a really cool movie to watch!

If you haven’t seen it, an older man and a young boy strike out on an adventure together. At the end of their adventure, the man opens the journal he and his now-deceased wife kept and realizes that she wanted him to continue his adventure without her.

This movie puts life in perspective!

What if this was your last year to spend together? What types of adventures would you want to go on together? What dreams would you want to fulfill?

Use Your Couple’s Journal as a Tool for Communication

Sometimes, communication can be difficult. Men have times in their lives when they retreat into their own little cocoon in order to re-evaluate, problem solve or lick their wounds.

While your instinct might be to try to nurture him out of it, a better way to communicate with him during his difficult time is to ask him a question in your journal.

You can also share stories of difficult times in your own life. While these may not prompt immediate discussion, it isn’t something he’s likely to forget.

You can write letters to one another, either randomly, or for special occasions or difficult trials in your relationship. Communication doesn’t always come naturally to a man in a relationship but if he can write it down, he may be more willing to share.

Share Your Feelings

Keeping in mind that this is a positive space, share your feelings with your guy. Even if you’re telling him how frustrated you were with something he did, it’s important to write that as a feelings statement, rather than an accusation.

He will respond much better to:

“Tom, it really made me feel invisible when you ignored me at the Baker’s party last weekend.”

Than he will to:

“The next time we go out and you treat me like crap, I’M LEAVING!”

You can even provide him with hints on how it might be better next time:

“It’s fine if you want to go off and hang out with your friends at a party, but I would enjoy the party more if we could do things as a couple too.”

Complaints should be at a minimum, though. This is the space to share the joyful moments!

“Sharing the birth of our first child with you was the most amazing experience of my life.”

Inspire One Another through Your Couple’s Journal

If you have favorite quotes you love, people who inspire you or things you’re passionate about, share them with your guy.

Write down how you felt on that mountain top

Use this space to inspire him to grow as an individual or as a way to promote growth as a couple.

What do you want out of life? What does he want out of life? How can you inspire one another to achieve those goals?

Your couple’s journal is the unique history of your life together. It is a tool by which you can grow together and form an unbreakable bond. It’s the place from which the dreams of your life together are laid bare.

Record Lasting Memories

Not all memories come from big vacations on the beach, weddings and other large celebrations. Some of the best memories come from the smallest of things.

Your couple’s journal is a great place to write down that time you forgot to put the entire amount of flour in the cookies and they spread all over the pan or the time he put fertilizer on the lawn…except for that one strip down the middle.

Your yearly trips to the apple orchard or to pick out that perfect Christmas tree (or the Charlie Brown one!) can be logged in your journal.

Save Mementos

The ticket from the first movie you saw together or a napkin from the first bar you went to together are great mementos to take you back to those exciting moments of your young relationship.

As your relationship grows and builds, you can save other items with meaning like wedding invitations, markers of goals achieved or results of shared hobbies like photographs or printed documents.

You can also store the names of songs that mean something to both of you, poems, cards or other items that only the two of you can appreciate.

The Power is in the Memories

Memories shore up your relationship and help to keep it affair proof. They are things shared just between the two of you, things that can’t be undone.

This can become a fundamental communication tool between the two of you and an invaluable resource for growth as a couple.

Couples who have a strong emotional bond report a higher quality relationship and this comes from using more than one form of communication and sharing.

A couple’s journal is a way for you to recall things you’ve done in the past to keep things fresh. There’s nothing wrong with recycling an activity you both highly enjoyed, like a two-hour drive in the country or a trip to a museum.

If you make this an activity that’s fun and not drudgery, your guy will get on board. It might take him couple weeks or so to become excited about it, but if you’re patient and not demanding, he’ll get there.

The post You. Me. Forever. 10 Ideas to Include in Your Couple’s Journal appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.