Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 5

Good Qualities in a Man | What You Should Look For

It’s cliché that good qualities in a man include that he’s tall, dark, and handsome; an incredible physique doesn’t hurt either!

Any man who doesn’t fit that criteria can take a hike, right?

Wrong!

In a recent survey by BestLifeOnline.com and another by Princeton, New Jersey’s opinion research corporation, many women say they value personality over physical traits. Still, many women forget about the basics and only see what they want to see.

In other words, you plunk those rose-colored glasses squarely on the bridge of your cute nose and fail to see the flaws if he’s in the tall, dark, and handsome category.

Another thing that clouds your opinion of a man is having sex with him too soon. You don’t give yourself a chance to see his flaws before raw heat and chemistry take over.

Today, I hope to encourage you to look for good qualities in a man that go beyond his looks and the immediate chemistry you may feel.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has a Sense of Humor

I’m not tall, dark, or handsome, but my sense of humor has gotten me pretty far regarding women. A great sense of humor trumps much other stuff because being able to laugh at the world sometimes gets you through.

A man who can make you laugh is a great catch! It means he isn’t taking life too seriously, at least not always. He can bring joy and a smile to your life when you need it most!

He Respects You

Nothing good comes from dating a misogynist or a narcissist. That type of person will never respect you, and respect is necessary for forming a good relationship. When it comes to good qualities in a man, you want one who respects you for who you are and treats you like a queen.

While respect takes time to earn, it shouldn’t take too long, and you should be able to respect him quickly, too, until he gives you a reason not to anyway.

Good Qualities in a Man | He is Faithful

Of course, the studies mentioned above found faithfulness to be one of the good qualities in a man. Your relationship is solid when you have trust, which comes from knowing your guy is faithful.

Nothing good happens in a relationship when there is no trust, and if you know your guy is faithful to you, you won’t become jealous when he wants to go golfing with the guys or out for a beer and to watch football.

He’s Emotionally Available

This is a big one. Some men want to be in a great relationship, but something is holding them back. It may be a past hurt from an old relationship, or it could be something from childhood.

In either instance, the man isn’t emotionally available, and as much as you like him, he will never be there for you. It isn’t that he doesn’t want to be; he can’t.

Unfortunately, this one trips up many women because you need to nurture a guy like this and feel sorry for him. Don’t. It won’t change who he is and will only bring you heartbreak.

Good Qualities in a Man | He’s a Hard Worker

This one is hard to beat when searching for good qualities in a man. Like the emotionally unavailable woman, the slacker can sometimes disguise himself for a while.

Most men have an inborn need to support their loved ones financially and emotionally. I know you may not need him to help you financially, but the world hasn’t caught up yet with the strong women today.

A man who doesn’t have this innate need to work hard for what he wants in life and to be able to support you is a man you need to let go of.

There are twelve qualities all great men have, and a few of them fall into the hard worker category.

You Share the Same Values

It might not seem important when you’re first dating, but one of the great qualities in a man is that he shares your values.

Ultimately, this will be a big deal, and you don’t need to share all your values, but you should share the important ones. Which are important? That’s up to you. You might be very political, and someone from the opposite side of the political aisle could be a problem.

Only you know which ones are dealbreakers for you, but make sure you don’t skip this one.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has His Own Style

Someone who isn’t afraid to buck trends is always a great catch. It means he places less value on people’s thoughts and more on being himself. This is true of women, too, so don’t be afraid to show off your style.

Showing the world who you are, regardless of what others might think, signals high confidence, and that’s what you’re looking for!

He’s Dependable

Dependability is one of those good qualities in a man. Someone where he says he’ll be when he says he’ll be there gives you a sense of peace. It helps build that respect and trust that are so important.

If you’re sick, he’s there doing laundry and bringing you a ginger ale. If your car breaks down, he’s not leaving the job of getting you safely home to some scrubby tow truck driver. He’s there to make sure all is well.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has Great Communication Skills

Communication is a two-way street. Not only do you need to be able to communicate verbally, but you also need to be able to listen.

While it’s cliché to tilt your head at the notion of a man who listens, they aren’t as rare as you might think. When a man is genuinely interested in you, he will want to listen. What you have to say is important to him, if it’s not the latest on your best friend’s breakup, that is. Save that stuff for your girlfriends.

A man with good communication skills also knows how to say the right things, fight fairly, and get what he wants out of life without blowing his top.

He’s a Gentleman

Good qualities in a man include being a gentleman. The powerful woman of today sometimes wants to stifle the gentlemanly quality of a man, but I beg you not to. I know you don’t need a man to open the door for you or hold your chair while you sit, but a great man was raised to do so by his mother.

Being an independent and strong woman doesn’t mean you stop letting a man be the gentleman he was raised to be. Those things are a show of respect, not a sign of your weakness. These things show he cares. Men show their love rather than stating it, so him doing these things is a sign that he cares.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Makes You a Priority

You can’t always be one another’s priority, but a great man makes you a priority when it matters. When you’re together, he puts down his cell phone and listens. He takes the time to help you with something important and supports you and your choices, whatever they might be.

In great relationships, this is a give-and-take thing. You’ll sometimes need his support and attention and vice versa. Great relationships aren’t about taking turns or tallying who was there for whom last. It’s about being there when needed, regardless of who’s turn.

He’s a Positive Person

Whether it’s your boyfriend or best friend, the people surrounding you should be positive. Negativity breeds and does nothing good.

Your guy should be a positive person, at least most of the time. We all fall into a slump from time to time, but one of the good qualities in a man is that he can pull himself out of that slump after licking his wounds and return to that positive nature.

Good Qualities in a Man | He Has an Attitude of Gratitude

Positive people are, by nature, grateful people. They focus more on what they have than what they don’t have.

Your guy should be grateful for you and everything he has; the same is true of you. Gratitude doesn’t need to be about something huge, either. You can be grateful for toilet paper – weren’t we all during COVID anyway? Be grateful for how his smile lights you up.

Gratitude journals aren’t just for women. I keep one, and I encourage you to do so as well. As a couple, you can also have a gratitude journal.

He Protects You

A man naturally wants to protect his loved ones. He wants you to feel safe, emotionally and physically. While you might not need a hero, men need to be your hero. This thing inside all great men is called the hero instinct, and it’s the real deal.

I’m repeating myself a lot, but I’ll repeat it. I know you’re a strong, independent woman, but there are things men were raised to do and things that are inside them that they know they should do. Being your hero is one. The great thing about allowing him to be your hero is that it will increase his love for you. That, my friend, is a win-win.

Good Qualities in a Man | The People You Care About are Important to Him

Your friends and family should be as important to your guy as they are to you. If the guy you’re dating can get along with the people most important to you, you’ve got a winner.

Bringing someone new into the fold can upset the balance, but if he can hang in there and hold his own among your family, who can be a real challenge sometimes, consider yourself a fortunate woman!

Finding Your Mr. Right

It’s so easy to look beyond the good qualities in a man to the chemistry and heat of the early phase of a relationship. But, it’s these qualities, not the heat, that will provide you with a strong basis for a good relationship.

When you’re looking for your Mr. Right, take your time. It isn’t a race. Get to know him slowly and hold off having sex until you know he’s the one. A good man will respect your boundaries and will wait patiently.  

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What Attracts a Man to a Woman?

What attracts a man to a woman? It���s a pretty basic question, right? And it���s a very important question as well!

The better question, however, is do you know the answer?

If you did know it, oh boy would your dating life suddenly get a lot easier! But, most women aren���t taught these things growing up, so I���m afraid you probably don���t know the answer.

Until now.

Let me help you crawl into the minds of me and my friends, a bunch of successful good guys who regularly hang out together. A few of my friends are shy and a few are extroverted. We���re all looking for the woman of our dreams. What will attract us to you?

You Stand Above the Crowd

I���m not talking about how tall you are, but rather how authentic you are. This is very nearly your most important job when you go out on the hunt for a guy.

How do you stand out? First, be yourself and wear your confidence like a badge of honor. Your body language is the first signal to every man in the room that you either have or lack confidence. Stand tall with your shoulders straight, not slumped. Make eye contact with people instead of hiding behind sunglasses or hair.

Next, be yourself. Just because all your friends are wearing skinny jeans with a blouse and four-inch heels doesn���t mean you must do the same. If you���re more comfortable in a skirt and flats, go for it. Heck, wear your tie dye skirt and Birkenstocks if you want. If that���s who you are, tell the world!

Other ways to stand out include:

Wear a bright scarf or hatDance in place alone for a second or twoPut five umbrellas in your drink and one in your hairOrder a cocktail served uniquely

These things all provide a guy with an opportunity to strike up a conversation. This is important for the shy guys!

Show You���re Having a Great Time

A woman who is laughing and having a great time is a guy magnet. Don���t fake it, but show that you���re enjoying yourself. People are attracted to others who look like they���re having fun!

When you show you���re having fun, it tells others that you have a positive, upbeat personality and this is attractive to men. If you���re sitting there, sulking or hiding behind your hair, guys aren���t interested. Any guy you attract will be the wrong guy ��� a player or a loser.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? Body Language!

Your body language tells every man in the room everything he needs to know about you before he decides to approach. Good posture indicates confidence. Making eye contact with others in the room says you���re a confident woman. Smiling shows that positive personality.

These women don���t get approached by players and losers because they know you���re out of their league, but confident men are interested. If you see a guy who interests you, make eye contact and smile, then look away. Be sure to look back a few seconds later, but don���t be a creeper. Look away again.

When you manage to pass by this guy, brush up against him, by accident. Just a subtle touch will be enough to signal to him that he can approach.

Manage Your Group

While it���s nice to huddle together and whisper, it doesn���t give any men the opportunity to approach. They don���t know where they would be able to join you.

Instead, leave some space between you, and if your friends run off to the bathroom, don���t take that opportunity to get on your phone. Make sure there���s space beside you for a man to approach. He���s been waiting for this moment for a while and it���s here. Don���t shut him out!

Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

This might be difficult for you if you���re introverted or a little low on dating confidence. Many of my books can help you with the confidence part. I encourage you not to try too hard to change the introvert part. It���s who you are.

Okay, that said, here���s how this works.

Now I understand this might be tough if you are introverted, shy, or lack confidence. The confidence I can fix. I���m a life coach and that���s what my books are all about if I may add.

If you walk by a guy eating sushi or something rare say, ���You know, a skilled veterinarian could bring that back to life!��� Yes, its��� silly but it���s funny and he���ll love it.

If you struggle with being funny, watch some comedians and their deliveries. Pick up some tips and be ready the next time you���re out.

These same canned lines, when delivered by men, crash and burn but when a woman delivers them, they���re unexpected and men love it!

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? She Approaches Him

Few women approach men, and that���s sad because it���s a great move on your part! Much like delivering a one-liner, it���s unexpected and that makes it great.

While a man is sometimes afraid of being rejected if he approaches, often for a good reason, the odds of a woman being rejected are pretty slim. Men don���t often reject women. They���re more ego-driven and there���s nothing better to boost a guys ego than a woman approaching him!

You don���t need a one-liner. Just say ���Hi��� or ���Can I buy you a drink?��� A fun line is, ���I���m considering you as my next boyfriend.��� Smile and laugh as you deliver your message, just like comedians do. He���ll love it. Even if he���s got a woman in his life, he���ll at least respond favorably.

Don���t Bar Hop

You���ve done some or all of the things above and then you and your friends up and leave. What the heck? Some man had just mustered up enough courage to approach and you vanished.

If you want to meet a great guy, stay at the same place until you���re ready to go home. If you want to check out another bar, go next weekend. Some men need time to prepare themselves to approach, especially shy guys.

I���ve seen it happen hundreds of times. A friend of mine was ready to approach a woman he���d become attracted to and BAM! She and her friends pay the check and leave.

What Attracts a Man to a Woman? A Great Story

Once you���ve attracted a great guy, it���s time to work on keeping him around. This begins with your story. What is your story?

It���s the culmination of your life experiences. It���s what makes you the unique individual you are today. This doesn���t mean you tell a guy your entire life story! You don���t, at least not immediately. Let him uncover it, bit by bit.

Your job is to cultivate that story. Think about your life and the experiences you���ve had so far. Did you travel to Europe as a kid or invent something cool in science class? Do you volunteer somewhere or do you have a unique hobby?

Any hobby is probably fodder for an interesting story. Men are often mystified by how you make things. Sometimes your hobby reminds him of his mom or another treasured female in his life. This is a bonus!

Your story also includes anything you���re passionate about. People���s faces light up when they talk about something they���re passionate about. It���s like a magnet for the person they���re talking to. They immediately become excited about the topic too.

If you fear your story isn���t so great right now, it���s time to get out there and start writing. Find a hobby. Become passionate about something. Go on an adventure. Travel, even if it���s just across the state line. Experience life and then prepare to share those experiences with men who are interested in you.

How the Male System Works

What attracts a man to a woman?

You���ve done your part, now it���s time for him to do his. But what do most guys do?

First, they look for the right opportunity to make a move. Often, the time is when their friend goes to the restroom. He doesn���t want to get shot down in front of his friends, so he waits until they���re away.

Alternatively, he might wait for you to be alone or at least for a spot to open up next to you. He doesn���t want to feel awkward, so if there���s an empty space, he���s more comfortable.

Remember, guys are just as clumsy as you think you are and more. They are just as intimidated by the whole singles scene as you are. Their confidence might be lacking, like yours.

The male system sucks, but it���s all they have so please, please, make it easy on them by understanding the system. Once you do, you���ll attract lots of great men!

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Red lipstick is magical when it comes to attraction...learn why insideLooking at a guy, looking away and then looking back with the right timing sends a clear signal...but what signal? Learn inside the bookYou can get a guy to feel as if he's falling for you with a few subtle movements. Learn what they are in this book!

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Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

Just by asking the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend, you must already be clued in that something is wrong. Your intuition is pinging.

The obvious reasons for breaking up with someone include drug and alcohol addiction, as well as an addiction to pornography, infidelity, or abuse.

But what are some less obvious answers to the question, should I breakup with my boyfriend? Let���s look at a few.

You Aren���t Growing Together

We grow in maturity and intellectual abilities throughout our lives, but we don���t all do it at the same rate.

As a couple, you can grow by trying new things together. Try new types of ethnic food, working out together or traveling to new places. Choose a hobby to work on together or read books together.

You try together and you learn what works and what doesn���t. Have fun and build deeper intimacy. You���re a team who can take on the world! Building memories together helps your relationship stay fresh and fun.

Grow as an individual by exploring new things on your own. Try a new hairstyle or color. Perhaps you decide your old wardrobe doesn���t reflect who you are any longer. You might explore a new hobby or a passion you have. Reading is a great way to grow and there are millions of self-help books available if that���s what you want.

You���ll know you aren���t growing together in a couple ways. One of you may feel bored. Sex is non-existent, and you find yourselves arguing more than doing things together.

You may feel as if one of you is being left behind. You���re out there trying new things and he���s sitting at home playing video games with his friends all night.

You ask, ���Should I breakup with my boyfriend?��� The answer depends.

Your gut is already telling you to consider breaking up, but this is also fixable. If you think you can talk to him about it, invite him to explore something new with you and see if he���s agreeable. You might be able to fix it if you can find your way back to growth that supports one another instead of leaves one behind.

You���re Two Very Different People Now

This feels like the last one, but it isn���t the same. Sometimes, people get together, and the chemistry is so hot that you just launch yourselves into a relationship. The sex is great, and that chemistry keeps you together, but not forever. Chemistry only gets you so far. Great sex doesn���t make a relationship and it isn���t the same as intimacy.

Intimacy comes from doing things you both enjoy, together. It���s those afternoons picking apples or painting the living room that pull you closer together. It���s the time when he was sick and you brought him some chicken soup, then stayed to help clean up and maybe watch a little Netflix.

You may discover that he���s not an animal person, but you love your Great Dane and can���t imagine parting with her. He could be very outdoorsy while you prefer to stay in. One of you could be very social while the other prefers to stay at home.

These aren���t things you discover when all you���re working with is hot chemistry. They���re the day-to-day things that start to pile up. It keeps you both from living the life you enjoy because you feel an obligation to do everything together.

None of this makes either of you bad people, it just means you need to work through it or find someone new. You ask me, ���Gregg, should I breakup with my boyfriend?���

My answer is this. Have you even discussed what���s bothering you yet? It���s possible he too is feeling the problem but is afraid to approach you.

Talking will solve this one way or the other. You���ll either find a way to work through your differences or you���ll decide it���s better to find someone else.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend if One or Both of Us Has Changed?

Sometimes you go into a relationship thinking you know what you want, only to find out later that you���re wrong. This happens to both men and women, and it doesn���t make either of you wrong or bad. It just means you���ve figured some stuff out about yourself and you aren���t the same person.

Many things happen to cause change in either direction ��� for the better or for the worse.

One of you may experience the loss of a loved one and you���re having trouble finding your way out of the sadness. You may have decided you want to start a family soon, but he doesn���t want kids. It���s something you discussed peripherally before but now, you���re serious and so is he.

For men, the loss of a job or financial status can be a very hard blow, one women don���t often understand. It can send a guy into a tailspin.

Whatever the cause and whichever of you has changed isn���t the issue. The issue is that you don���t feel compatible any longer and there���s nothing wrong with that. What would be wrong is to continue as if nothing problematic was happening.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, sit down and discuss your differences. If it seems that a breakup is in order, then do it. There���s nothing wrong with ending a relationship if it isn���t the right one for you.

Are you living like you’re dying, or are you plugging along on autopilot, waiting for something great to happen but not really pursuing it? Is your life as fulfilling as it can be? Do you dream of a different life? Do you sometimes feel as if you’re walking through life, half asleep?

If you answered “Yes” to any of these questions, you need to��Live Like You’re Dying. Learn to embrace life, take chances and life the life you want to live, free of fear and anxiety, full of experiences and exploration! Learn more about the book here or buy it by clicking on one of the buttons below.

BUY NOW IN U.S. BUY NOW IN UK The Dreaded Mid-Life Crisis

Everyone talks about men wanting convertibles, younger women, and a full head of hair but women have mid-life crises as well.

You feel as if there���s something in your life you can���t fulfill in your current relationship. Your fight or flight has kicked in and flight seems the proper response.

Fight or flight is a result of anxious thinking. You���re worried about something that will or won���t happen in the future and you���re afraid that if you don���t exit the relationship right now, you won���t be able to either make something happen or avoid something else.

You might feel as if you missed out on part of your youth because you started getting into serious relationships at a young age and have stayed in them since. Now, you find yourself wanting to go back and experience those things.

Instead of asking, should I breakup with my boyfriend, the question to ask is if you need to explore and experience alone or can your boyfriend tag along? If you really think you need to do this alone, explain it to him and maybe you can come to some sort of arrangement.

You never know until you try!

What I encourage you not to do is ignore this feeling, while at the same time helping you understand that you can���t recapture your youth and there are some experiences that are better left behind you, whether you got to enjoy them or not.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend over Outside Influences?

In this category you find things like religion and politics. As you age and mature, you might find that you���ve grown apart in an important area of life. You might have shifted your beliefs in one direction or another and he went the other way.

It���s okay to be different in these areas of life. The question is can you live with your boyfriend being a Democrat if you���re a staunch Republican? Can you date someone who doesn���t believe in God if you have strong Christian beliefs? Couples do live together in these circumstances. They agree to disagree and leave those topics of discussion off the table.

Another outside influence can be an ex, especially if shared custody of children, or even animals, is involved. Often when two different families are parenting children, there are vast differences. Children come home from one home to the other and must adjust to different rules and parenting styles.

This can really do a number on any relationship and it���s not good for the kids either. Here, the best path forward, if possible, would be to work with the ex you���re sharing custody with and see if you can work out those parenting issues, for the kids, not for your relationship. Your relationship is a side problem.

Should I Breakup with My Boyfriend?

As you���ve read, there are several different situations which can place a strain on a relationship, but most of them are things you can work through if you can talk to one another.

On the other hand, your gut might be telling you it���s time to get out and you can���t find the reason in any of these situations.

In that case, it���s probably best to sit down and agree to a split. There���s no reason to be ugly or unkind to one another. You���ve just come to a point where your relationship doesn���t work any longer. The mature adult thing to do is end it well and keep a friend, or at least avoid making an enemy.

How to Get Over a Breakup

If you decide to breakup, I recommend��He’s Gone, Now What?��This a breakup book specifically written to help you overcome the unexpected repercussions of a breakup. You’ll discover the nine stages of grieving a relationship as well as the impact a breakup has on your body and mind. Even if the breakup is your idea, you will experience all these things.

The book also helps you sort things out and prepare yourself for a new relationship! You can read more about it here, or buy it by clicking the buy button below.

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What True Love Is

Do you know what true love is?

Is true love what you see in the movies, or is it defined by what you witnessed growing up?

If you can���t define what true love is, you���ll probably have a hard time finding it.

Many define true love by the stuff ��� white picket fence, fancy car, dog and so on.

But that���s a load of crap!

Instead, I like this one:

���True love is not how you forgive, but how you forget, not what you see but what you feel, not how you listen but how you understand, and not how you let go but how you hold on.��� ��� Anonymous

True love, to me, is an imperfect relationship where both partners are trying their very best to stay to together, forgive and forget, and grow together.

It���s when each person takes a turn being there for the other in times of need. There is no ���I���, there is just us. There is no scorekeeping. When one of you needs something, the other is just there. Period.

And yes, it can be nasty at times. ��But, in the end, respect for the other is always king and problems are easily resolved.

What True Love is: Acting as a Team

In the past, I���ve seen the difference between true love and what I thought was true love. That difference can be summed up by an us against the world mentality.

True love is teamwork in grocery shopping, cleaning, child rearing and love making. It���s a give and take where love balances out. You discuss major decisions and power might vary but balances out in the end.

When you work as a team, there���s a feeling of unity and security. You know he has your back and he knows you have his. You���re a we, not two me���s. Your identity includes each other. While you remain an individual, you still identify as part of a couple.

The Good Times Outweigh the Bad

All relationships experience bad times. When there are more bad times than great times, you���re not experiencing what true love is.

True love is about building great memories together. It���s being there for one another when times are tough and being supportive when it matters. During the tough times, there is no question that you���re there for one another. During the good times, you appreciate what you have and enjoy your time together. You build intimacy through shared experiences and use that intimacy to carry you through the bad.

You Know One Another���s Flaws and Choose One Other Anyway

The key word here is choose. He snores, his eye for fashion sucks, and he can���t even hang a picture on a wall. But he tries and that���s what you love about him.

Nobody is perfect, so discovering those flaws and loving them shows that you know what true love is! If you���ve already found someone, great, but if you���re still looking, recognize that you don���t need to find a perfect man, you need to find a man who���s perfect for you, flaws and all.

What True Love Is: There���s No Justice Trap

I dated someone once who looked at the relationship like an exchange of services. If she rubbed my feet, I owed her a foot massage. If I spent time with my friends, I owed her something in return. If she cooked, I had to clean up and take her out the next time.

I���ve heard couples with kids talk about whose turn it is to babysit the kids while the other does something away from home. If you feel you���re babysitting your own kids, I���m not sure why you had them to begin with.

When a relationship feels more like a scorecard or tally sheet, you don���t have love. In the case of my relationship, it reached a point where I didn���t want to accept anything from her because I knew I���d owe her something in return.

This takes any special meaning out of any gesture I wanted to make and any gesture she made wasn���t special, but her chance to make me owe her something.

True love balances out. If I do five nice things for my girlfriend, then I did five nice things! I wanted to. She���s worth it. She���ll do nice things back and I don���t want or need to keep score.

True Love Gets Better Later

You don���t hear this definition much, but I find it to be true. True love comes after the early relationship butterflies have flown away and after you���re over wanting to have sex multiple times a day. It comes when you settle into a life where you accept one another for who you are.

You enjoy your time spent together and don���t feel nervous or like you need sex every five minutes. You want to do things together like going hiking in the woods or spending an afternoon at the beach.

True love brings security and protection to the relationship. You can be yourself. There is nothing to hide and only great times to be had. You can plan your future together because there is a future.

You Feel Free to Share Your Vulnerabilities

It is very difficult to share your vulnerabilities. This requires a high level of trust for both of you and the first time you share a vulnerability will be the hardest. How you each respond is crucial to whether there will be more sharing in the future.

The first time your guy shares something that makes him feel vulnerable, respond with caring and acceptance. He needs to know that you still accept him, now that you have seen his weak underbelly. If he shares first, it���s important that you reciprocate, but not immediately. It will seem fake. Do it soon, though because he will be waiting.

What True Love Is: Summary

While these are my definitions of what true love is, the truth is that you won���t tick your way down some list. You���ll know because there���s a feeling that is unmistakable. It isn���t about the things like a house or car. It���s about feeling you get. It���s when he walks into a room, you feel happy. It���s when you read a text from him, you smile, inside and out. It���s when he remembers that you like rosemary garlic bread and he brings you a loaf for dinner.

The important thing to remember, early on in a relationship, is that love isn���t chemistry. Chemistry is essential, but lust isn���t love. Don���t be confused by lust but wait for these other signs to develop. It takes time to build it but it���s worth the wait.

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The Ideal Alpha Female Relationships with Men

Successful alpha female relationships can feel elusive, especially if you���ve dated for any length of time.

You���re strong. You know what you want and how to get it. You���re confident, outspoken and people gravitate to you because they want to be on the same ride you���re on. Your power and energy are contagious.

These very traits that make friends and coworkers want to be near you are the same ones that make it difficult for you to find a man who appreciates you for who you are, without trying to change you.

Chances are, you���ve tried dating alpha men because they���re most like you. They���re powerful, confident, outspoken and strong. Likes attract likes, right? Yes, but that doesn���t always indicate that that type of relationship will work out best.

There are essentially two types of men that will work best for alpha female relationships. The first, of course, is an alpha male. I know, I just said that might not work, but there are instances when it can. The other type of man who���s truly perfect for the alpha woman is the beta man.

Often misunderstood, beta men seek alpha female relationships because they want a take-charge type of woman to love. Below are some dating tips that will help you find the right guy who will adore you for who you are.

Alpha Female Relationships | Slow Down

You go one-hundred miles per hour all day and well into the evening, but when you���re out looking for a guy, slow down. Take off that leadership hat and let your hair down, maybe literally.

Slow and take the edge off your speech. You���re now out to have fun, not be in control, so take a kinder, gentler approach. An alpha man will be attracted to an alpha woman if she shows her feminine side and a kinder, gentler you will be more feminine.

Don���t make an attempt to look low confidence, meaning continue making eye contact and walking confidently, but instead of striding with purpose, slow down and glide. Save your strut for the office.

And finally, if an alpha man offers to buy you a drink, accept it gratefully and show your appreciation, ���Thank you. It was so kind of you.��� This allows more of your feminine energy to shine through and you top it off with a dose of manners. He���s definitely interested.

Challenge Him

��Challenge is important in alpha female relationships – well, all relationships actually.��Men need to feel challenged in a relationship to keep from becoming bored, therefore, it���s important for him to feel challenged by you. But what does that mean?

An alpha man doesn���t value something that comes too easily. He���s accustomed to working for what he has. When he calls for a date that day or even the next day, don���t drop your plans to go with him.

Instead, let him know that he���ll need to work harder to get on your calendar, ���Gee, Gregg. I���d love to go to dinner with you, but we���ll have to make it Tuesday.��� He won���t be put off. He���ll feel challenged! If he���s truly interested in you, he���ll figure out how to become important enough to get on your calendar.

If he text you but you���re busy and can���t really get into a conversation, give him a time when you can talk to him.

Him: Hi Beautiful. I hope your day was productive!

You: Hey Handsome! So far, so good, but I have more dragons to slay. Let���s talk later ��� say 8:00?

Him: Sounds great! Talk then.

This tells him you want to talk to him and he now knows when. It takes the anxiety out of the situation for both of you and lets him know when to expect to talk to you.

Challenge is also required for the beta man, whose main goal is to serve you and make sure you���re happy. You can challenge him in the same way you���d challenge an alpha. Don���t always be readily available. Be kind but firm with a beta.

Let Him Be Your Protector

All men, alpha, beta or otherwise, have a need to be your protector. I know you can do this for yourself, but this hero instinct is something you want to cultivate. Men were raised to be your hero and if you don���t allow them to, they feel as if they aren���t doing their job.

Men basically need three things in a relationship:

To live a meaningful life and feel appreciated for their effortsTo provide for those who are important to themTo be respected by those around them

I know you can provide for yourself, and maybe even him, but if you���re with an alpha, don���t make a big deal about this. A beta will care less if you make more money than he does, but an alpha might feel emasculated if you bring it up a lot. Don���t let who earns more money determine the power dynamic in your relationship.

Alpha Female Relationships: Act Like the Prize You Are

When women make bad dating choices, it���s often for one of two reasons. Either they feel desperate to find a guy for some reason, like all their friends have boyfriends and they don���t, or they don���t understand that they have the power to be the choose, and not feel grateful to be chosen.

This puts you in a negative position for relationships. Instead, recognize that you are the prize. When you feel grateful to be chosen or desperate and find a guy, your instinct might be to be over-enthusiastic about the relationship.

You stop going out with your girlfriends, stop pursuing your hobbies and spend too much time doting on him. No guy, whether he���s an alpha, beta or omega, wants this from you. This behavior makes a man feel smothered and you aren���t challenging to him. He will question your value in his life.

Instead, come into a relationship with strong dating confidence. If you don���t feel you have strong dating confidence now, there are many options you can pursue here.

I want to change my life!

Meanwhile, allow a guy to chase you. Yes, even though you���re an alpha woman, let a guy pursue you. Inspire his hero instinct and encourage his masculine side by remaining feminine. Never give up your hobbies for a man and continue to enjoy girls��� night with your friends.

Remember, You Are Not Your Title

Your identity isn���t the title of the job you hold. It���s who you are from the inside out. It���s your kindness and generosity. It���s your desire to help others and your ability to be tough and stern one minute and a kind mentor the next.

Commit to or stay committed to your health and well-being. Get to know yourself and connect with that feminine woman who���s lurking inside. This makes you the feminine counterpart an alpha man desires.

When it comes to a beta man, he needs your strength and direction, but he also wants to see your feminine side and he needs you to know who you are from the inside out. Your strength is what attracted him to you, but some of that strength is your inner strength.

Alpha Female Relationships: Communication is Key

Regardless of what type of man you date, communication is everything. With the beta, you will have many conversations around control ��� who is in control of what. He wants you to take control, probably more than you know. Talking through it helps you both realize your roles in the relationship. Just because he���s a beta doesn���t mean he doesn���t have feelings, ambitions, and thoughts about your relationship.

Communication in any relationship is one of the most important things and a lack of communication is what ends many relationships. Regardless of whether your guy is an alpha or a beta, opening up the lines of communication may be the strongest asst in your alpha female relationships.

It allows you each to voice your wants, needs and desires. It allows you to feel safe exposing your vulnerabilities, something a beta will do much faster than an alpha. Without communication, any relationship will eventually wither and die.

And Finally, You���re a Team

Whether alpha female relationships are with beta men or alpha men, you���re a team. Learn how to work together and know when your teammate needs you to rally and be a little more supportive than usual.

Situations like job loss or loss of income, health issues, the loss of a loved one and similar events are difficult for men. Most men require time to retreat, lick their wounds and find a solution. As natural problem solvers, this is key for him. While you���re there to support him, you���re not overbearing or over-nurturing.

Let him know he has your support and allow him time to deal with the emotions of what happened. If your relationship is strong and you���ve established great communication, he will come to you when he���s ready.

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Why Taking a Relationship Break is the Right Course of Action

I know what you���re thinking. Taking a relationship break means losing him for good. Out of sight out of mind. I���m better off asking him to seek counseling and making it clear I���ll try harder.

No.

It���s better to encourage the breakup he���s already considering. Yes, you read that right. Encourage the breakup!

What? How? Why?

If you���re considering taking a relationship break, you already know it���s coming.

The more you hang on, the worse things will be. The relationship is in a downward spiral and taking a break is just what the doctor ordered!

While You���re Taking a Relationship Break, His Anger Subsides

Men consider breaking up when they hold so much anger and contempt that they just can���t take it any longer. He���s in no position to even think about counseling right now. He just wants out.

Fine. Let him out!

While this scares the heck out of you, it���s the best thing you can do to save your relationship. He needs time to move past these negative feelings toward you and your relationship.

Resist the urge to beg him back or use angry texts, tears or other methods you think will work. They won���t. They���ll serve to confirm what he���s already thinking. He needs to get out of this relationship and now!

While you���re taking a relationship break, there are things you can do to help him feel better about you and your relationship. But first, he needs time to allow his negative feelings to subside.

Once His Anger Subsides, He Misses You

If your relationship went on for any length of time past a few months, you have positive memories together. Once his anger and negative feelings subside, he recalls those good times. This is especially true if his singles life isn���t going as well as he���d hoped it would. It rarely does.

You can help him recall those good memories by employing a couple of great tools: the letter and slip in/slip out. You can learn more about these in my book, Ex Back: The Five Step Process to Get Him Back.

As You���re Taking a Relationship Break, He Can Fix His Stuff

You probably aren���t aware of how negative life events impact men, but they do. The problem is that many men aren���t emotionally equipped to manage the emotions from dealing with those events.

You don���t see how not getting that promotion is such a big deal, but to him, it���s huge. While you���re happy he���s finally completing his divorce, it���s done a number on his emotions and he���s struggling.

Your natural instinct to nurture him is making things worse, even though that isn���t your intention. When men experience something this emotional, they need time to lick their wounds. Alone. While most women seek out another person to talk to in times like this, men retreat into themselves.

He needs this time to solve the problem he���s facing. He needs to navigate the emotions, deal with the lawyers or custody issues or find a new job. While women can multi-task, men cannot.

By taking a relationship break, you provide the opportunity for him to deal with his stuff. Chances are, he���ll come back once he has everything solved.

You Have Time to Rebuild Your Confidence

When a relationship is in a downward spiral, confidence slides right down with it. While you���re taking a relationship break, you can rebuild your confidence. Not only is this great for you, but it will entice him back as well.

Instead of worrying about how you���ll survive without him, take this time to become that strong, independent woman I know you can be!

That���s probably the woman he fell in love with and now, you���re bringing her back! Even if he doesn���t act like he knows what you���re up to, trust me, he does. He���s asking friends and he���s sneaking a peek whenever he can.

It you���d like help rebuilding your confidence, you can take this confidence course!

You Can Grow and Change for the Better

There���s no better time to improve yourself than while you���re single and yes, while you���re taking a relationship break, you���re single.

Use this time to find yourself again. What hobbies do you enjoy? What friendships have fallen away since your relationship with him began?

What kind of eggs do you like? (Movie reference: Runaway Bride! Watch it and learn how important that is!)

Too often, people change themselves to become who they think their partner wants them to be. In the process, they lose sight of who they really are. It���s a shame really, because your guy fell for the person you were before you started changing.

Find her again! You may think that spending time making candles is time you should be spending with him, but let him do his own thing. Don���t worry about enjoying a girls��� night with your friends. Encourage him to hang with his buddies.

While You���re Taking a Relationship Break, You Can Assess the Relationship

While the two of you are taking a relationship break, assess the relationship. What was good? What wasn���t? What role did you play in the need to take a break? What was his role?

When the two of you get back together, issues from the past need to be addressed. If you were too clingy, that���s something to work on. If he did things you don���t like, he needs to change those.

Getting back together after taking a relationship break means starting a new relationship. It isn���t a continuation of the old relationship, which was broken beyond repair. That���s why these steps are so important!

For your new relationship to be successful and fulfilling, changes are required. If the two of you get back together without any changes, you���ll reach the same bitter outcome. Perhaps the two of you have broken up and reconciled more than once already.

It���s time to break the pattern and the only way to do that is to take an honest look at the relationship.

As you build your confidence and rejoin your singles life, you���ll find the strength to do this.

You Can Fix Your Part in the Relationship

An honest assessment of your relationship results in some areas of improvement you need to explore.

Now that you see what your role was, you can fix it. This comes easily as you rebuild your confidence, since many of the things that happened probably resulted from low confidence to begin with.

When You���re Taking a Relationship Break, You Win, Regardless

It���s difficult to imagine right now, but it���s possible that you���ll decide you don���t want your guy back. As your confidence grows and you explore who you are and what you enjoy, you might find that he isn���t it.

It happens more often than you think because you���re thinking with a clear head. Your confidence enables you to remove your rose colored glasses and see him for who he is. He might not be the right guy for you any longer.

That���s okay! Because you���ve rebuild your confidence, you���re a great guy magnet! Take that confidence for a spin with a good friend and you���ll be surprised!

On the other hand, your relationship may be worth saving! You may decide that you still want him back and he���s overcome his negative feelings. He���s missing you and responding to your slip in/slip out texts positively.

What if You Take Him Back?

If your ex comes back and you���ve made the positive changes above, your new relationship will be off to a great start! There may still be a bit of a bumpy road, but you made changes that attracted him back and hopefully he did too.

This is a game-changer. Instead of allowing the relationship to go up in flames, you put out the fire with confidence, self-care, and looking inward.

What if You Move On?

Should you decide he���s not the guy for you, you���re in a great position to find someone new. The trick is to maintain your confidence, your independence, your hobbies, and your friends. When you meet a new guy, don���t give up Yoga class or pottery to spend more time with him. Keep doing what you did before you met.

Jealousy and a fear of losing a guy come from low confidence, but if you stick to your singles life activities, you���ll maintain a high level of confidence.

No More Worrying about Taking a Relationship Break!

By now, you realize that taking a relationship break is the best thing you can do for yourself and your future relationship, whether it���s with this guy or another.

The only way you lose him for good is if you decide he���s no longer worthy of a great woman like you!

Encourage the breakup. Let him go try his singles life. Meanwhile, work on yourself and allow him time to overcome his negative feelings. Give him time to miss you and want you back.

If you follow the advice above, everything you do will be the opposite of what he expects. This alone will pique his interest, and that���s always a good thing!

The post Why Taking a Relationship Break is the Right Course of Action appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain as They Apply to Relationships

If you think I am going to give you some expanded Stanford study on woman brain vs man brain you would be wrong.

This is a dumbed down version of the REAL differences in our two brains when it comes to dating and relationships, and it comes from a man-brained dating coach. These conclusions aren���t backed up by any science, just personal experience.

Men���s Brains are Small, Think Squirrel or Small Rodent

The woman brain vs the man brain is large and complex, and yet, women treat men as if they have the same large and complex brain as your girlfriends have. That, my friend, is where you go wrong.

Men don���t pick up on subtle cues. They communicate differently, love differently and have out-of-control egos. There���s a great video on YouTube by Mark Gungor, who describes the male brain as containing a bunch of boxes, one of which is an empty box. No box can comingle with another box in the male brain.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Flirting

Women come to me saying, ���Gregg, I flirt and flirt with men and they ignore me! What am I doing wrong?���

You aren���t doing anything wrong. Men aren���t ignoring you; their brains are too small to realize what���s happening, especially if they���re drinking beer and downing chicken wings while watching sports on TV. Food is one box and cannot be combined with an outside influence like you flirting with them.

The solution, short of grabbing his ass and screaming, ���HEY! I like you!��� is to double your efforts so he gets the message. Look at him and smile, then look away. Then, a few moments later, look his way again and smile, then look away. Next, walk by him on your way to the restroom or bar and gently brush against him. Do it again a little while later.

In this instance, the woman brain vs the man brain is definitely in play. Use this double-down effort to get his attention and he���ll be more likely to pick up on your cues.

Communication

When it comes to woman brain vs man brain, communication is one of the biggest discrepancies. Men text with two to three sentences at the most, more likely it���s two to three words.

Women, however, text paragraphs. A man won���t read these texts because he doesn���t have the patience and he���s not interested in the emotional rant that is probably contained in that paragraph.

Instead, text a man like he texts his friends. Lose all the emotion and extra stuff and get to the point. If you want to meet him for lunch, text him something like 2:00 lunch? That���s all he needs. Don���t give him fifteen choices for where to go. Just get to the point.

Men also communicate more through actions than words. Think about two little boys playing in a sandbox. They aren���t talking. They���re pushing their cars and trucks into the others and saying things like ���BAM!��� and ���Gotcha!��� They grunt and throw sand at each other, then try to steal their trucks.

When little girls play, they use tons of language. They use their voices to mimic the voices of their Barbies or baby dolls. They use language to build and maintain relationships.

This is not a dynamic that changes as boys and girls get older, which is why it���s so important for you to understand.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Love

This is another area in which there is a huge divide in the quest to understand woman brain vs man brain. Some of the discrepancy goes back to the communication issue you just read. A woman uses words to communicate love while a man uses actions.

So many times, women come to me upset and ask why their guy isn���t telling them that he loves them. They���re upset and think their guy doesn���t really love them. But, when I dig into the story, I find out that the man is showing her how much he loves her through his actions.

Men fix things and solve your problems, all in an attempt to show you how much he loves you. They take out the trash, take your car for an oil change and buy you the desk you need to make your work at home go more smoothly.

If you look at the actions of a man, you will see dozens of signs that he loves you, but if you���re waiting for the words, you might be waiting a while. He���ll say them, but not as often as you���d like to hear them.

Egos

For some men, ego plays a large role, so if you learn how to deal with the male ego, you���ll be all set. It doesn���t take much to do this either, in fact, some of it boils down to common courtesy. When he does things for you, be sure to appreciate his effort. Even the smallest things to you, like taking out the trash or doing the dishes after dinner deserve a compliment now and then.

If you really want to stroke his ego, be sure to tell him how much you appreciate him in the bedroom. Most good men want to please you in bed, so let him know he���s hitting the mark, so to speak, even if his performance wasn���t quite up to par.

Woman Brain vs Man Brain and Multi-Tasking

In the world of woman brain vs man brain, multitasking is a big deal. Women can cook dinner, feed a toddler, help an older child with homework and fold laundry all at the same time.

Men aren���t capable of this. Not even close. A man generally can���t do two things at once, and this includes listening to you and driving, listening to you and watching television or really���any two things at once.

It���s evolutionary and don���t get upset with me for saying so. Cavewoman Cathy and Caveman Carl each had their role to play. Cavewoman Cathy was responsible for keeping the cave straightened, cooking the food Caveman Carl killed and taking care of the kids. Caveman Carl had two jobs ��� procure food for the family, and possibly grow it, and protect his family.

Even though evolution now has woman holding as many, if not more high-power jobs than men, the power of a woman���s ability to multitask still exists and men still can���t do it.

Men Exaggerate Profusely

Men exaggerate, a lot. This goes back to the paragraphs above on ego. While everyone exaggerates to some extent, a man will exaggerate many things at the beginning of a relationship. He���ll suggest he earns more than he does and that he���s a better tennis player.

He���ll say there are few skeletons in his closet when the truth might be that the door is about to bust open from all the skeletons that are actually there.

Woman Brain Vs Man Brain Summary

All kidding aside, when it comes to woman brain vs man brain and relationships, there can be disappointing outcomes. Relationships fail because neither understands how the other���s brain works. Therefore, we all assume that your brain works like mine and that���s a huge mistake.

This isn���t an article about you changing who you are. It���s an article about understanding the differences between men and women so you can modify how you act toward the men in your life. This will help them better understand you and your intentions and it will keep many arguments and disappointments from ever happening.

The post Woman Brain vs Man Brain as They Apply to Relationships appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

How to Not be Nervous for a Date

We���ve all been there and it���s very nerve-wracking, but today I���d like to share with you 12 tips to show you how to not be nervous for a date.

Your gut is seizing and nausea is roiling and you���re thinking about shooting him a text with an excuse to postpone the date, but did you know he might be feeling the same way? Date nervousness isn���t exclusive to women. Men experience it too!

Still, dates can be great experiences with the right mindset. Instead of worrying about what to wear, how to fix your hair and makeup and whether he���ll like you, focus on the twelve tips below. They���ll help you know how to not be nervous for a date.

Right now, you���re placing too much importance on this date. You���re making it seem as if your entire future hinges on this one date, but it doesn���t. Dating isn���t about getting married or even making a commitment, not the first few dates anyway. It���s about seeing how well you might fit. Can you have fun together? Is he someone you enjoy spending time with? Is he an interesting guy?

This is how men look at dating. They don���t look at dating as taking steps toward the alter. They have fun. They enjoy the challenge of getting to know you and the mystery behind who you are.

How to Not be Nervous for a Date: Treat it as a Meeting

The best way to ease your nervousness over a first date is to treat it as a meeting, which is what it is. You and this new guy are meeting to see if there is any spark or chemistry. If you know one another before, you���ve probably never dated until now so this is still a first date or meeting to consider becoming a couple.

Even the next few dates can be looked at in this way because that���s what you���re doing. You���re meeting up with a new friend to see if you can become a couple in the future.

Have some talking points

If you met him online or through friends, you might already know something about him. Use this to your advantage and have a few things you can talk about. If his pride and joy is his ���67 corvette, study up a little on them and show interest. If you love something he loves, he will transfer his love of that thing to you over time.

Men love to talk about themselves, so the more homework you do before your meeting, the more prepared you���ll be to feed him questions.

Understand that He���s a Hot Mess of Nerves Too

Any great guy worth having is probably a bundle of nerves before your first few dates too. If he isn���t, there���s a better than even chance that he���s a player who goes on a lot of dates and has his own system in place.

Assuming your guy is a great guy, he���s just as worried about saying the wrong thing or looking dumb in front of you. How you both survive one of you making some sort of goof will determine how your relationship will go, moving forward. If someone goofs, poke a little fun, in a nice way, maybe with a tad of humorous self-deprecation.

If you trip over your own feet or accidentally spill a little coffee, it���s fine. He���ll love it and it���ll make him feel better about anything that happened to him.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Don���t ���Clear Your Day���

You���ve got a date with a great guy and you���re so nervous about getting ready that you take the day off and clear the schedule for the entire day so you have plenty of time to get ready.

I���ve done this myself. If I had a hot date planned for that evening, I���d clear the day to wash my car, plan my route and prepare myself for the date. The problem is that when it was time for the date, I was so nervous because I���d focused my entire day on it, that I could barely function.

Instead, stay busy with other plans. Go on with your day as normal and prepare yourself as you would for a girls��� night out. Slip on something comfortable, do your hair and makeup as you would for any other occasion and be yourself.

Stop With the Worst-Case Scenarios

Your anxiety is ratcheting up and the what-if���s are starting. Recognize this for what it is ��� date anxiety. It���s normal, but that doesn���t mean you need to feed it. When those what-if���s start showing up, stomp them down. What if he doesn���t show up? His loss! What if he hates you? His loss! What if he���s an axe murderer? What are the odds, really?

Anxiety creeps in and we don���t often recognize it for what it is. Take some deep breaths and gain control of your thoughts. Instead of allowing this anxious train of thought to continue, find something to watch on Netflix or turn on some music and start singing along. Do anything to change your train of thought.

Desensitize Yourself to Dating

The real issue with dating anxiety is fear. You���re doing something new and you���re afraid of the outcome. There are two things to do to eliminate this fear. One is to realize that just because this guy isn���t into you, or vice versa, doesn���t mean no guy will be into you. He simply isn���t the right one.

The second thing to realize is that the best way to eliminate a fear of something is to desensitize yourself to it. This means exposing yourself to more of what you���re afraid of until the fear dissipates.

What does all that mean? Go on more dates! Yes! The very thing that is striking fear in you now ��� dating ��� is the one thing you need to do more of.

But I hear you ��� ���Gregg, there aren���t that many great guys out there.��� And my response to you is ���Oh, but there are, you just don���t know where to look!���

How to find the man of your dreams

Date a few guys who rank in the so-so category if you must, just to get the exposure. At the least, maybe you come out of it with a new friend. Just make sure he understands that it���s just a friendship so there are no hurt feelings.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date | Keep it Short

Don���t plan a date that will last for hours. Instead, plan a coffee date where you can meet someplace casual and relax into the comfy chairs. If things go well, you can certainly plan a longer date, but make any first meetings short.

If you���re looking for how to not be nervous for a date, this is a great one because a coffee date is, by nature, a more casual, laid-back experience.

Be Involved with Planning the Meeting

Get involved in planning your meeting so you have some say in what you do and where the meeting will happen. If you allow him to do it, he may be more inclined to either bail on the date or plan it someplace where he���s more comfortable, but you aren���t.

Give him a few suggestions and make them closer to your comfort zone. This not only feels more comfortable to you but it���s safer and will keep your anxiety at bay.

Relax����

One great tip for how to not be nervous for a date is to chill. Relax and remember not to place so much importance on this two hours of your life. Think about it ��� it���s two hours, if that, of your entire life and, as you recall, if he doesn���t like you, it���s his loss!

Use anxiety-busting tools like playing music or taking a short walk. Splash some cold water on your face before you do your makeup or take a few deep breaths. When you consider what to wear, go with something comfortable, rather than something new or something that makes you squirm because it���s too tight or doesn���t fit properly.

Keep It to Yourself

It isn���t necessary to share this meeting with your entire Facebook friends group or blast it on Instagram. In fact, I suggest you tell one close friend so someone knows where you are, but otherwise, keep it to yourself. Other people will try to be helpful, but they���ll only provide advice you don���t need to hear. Friends will push their own anxiety on you with stressors over what to wear and so on.

Make it Fun!

The worst date is sitting down to dinner with someone in some high-end, or even middle grade restaurant. All you have to entertain yourselves is one another. The stress of carrying on a conversation can become overwhelming, especially if one or both of you are introverts.

Instead, make your first dates and meetings fun. Go bowling or go prowl a farmer���s market. Go watch a sport you both enjoy together or go somewhere that relates to a hobby one or both of you have, like antiques or cars or photography. Even a museum or an art gallery is better than a dinner date because there are conversation starters all over the place.

Workout Prior to Your Date

When you workout, two things happen. One is that it alleviates any anxiety chemicals that are coursing through your veins. The other is that it produces endorphins, or happy hormones as some call them, and you get a lift.

This will help your confidence shine through, instead of your anxiety.

How to Not Be Nervous for a Date

Most long-lasting relationships start out as great friendships. Remember this as you head into your next date or first meeting with a guy. Work on building a great friendship and don���t worry about how long it will be before he buys you a ring.

Date to have fun and learn more about him, not to find milestones that you think show he wants to marry you. I guarantee you he���s oblivious to such milestones so don���t bother with them. Guys date to have fun and you should too! Use this time to determine not only if he���s a great guy, but also if he���s the right guy for you. Take your time and enjoy the process! Take the pressure off by not worrying about getting married after the first date!

Remember the tips you���ve read here and go have yourself a great time!

The post How to Not be Nervous for a Date appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Finding the Man of Your Dreams

Like some of my coaching clients, have you given up on finding the man of your dreams? I hope not, but in case you have, keep reading because I have some good news!

There is a way to find Mr. Wonderful. You���ve just been doing it wrong.

While it might seem as if swiping left or right on a dating app will land you a great guy, there are better ways. The longer dating apps run, the more likely it is you���ll find a loser or someone who���s catfishing. Instead, try some of these ideas!

Know What You Want

Take a few sheets of paper and write the name of each man you���ve dated at the top of each piece. Each guy gets his own sheet of paper.

Next, write his positive qualities on one side and his negative qualities on the other. After you���ve done this for all the men of your past, start looking for patterns. If a positive quality repeats a few times, write it on a new piece of paper, starting a list of positive traits.

Do the same with the negative traits. Those that repeat need to go on a negative trait list.

Next, look at the positive traits. These are the most appealing to you because they show up most in the men you date. Find two or three that are requirements and make the rest possible, but not necessary.

Do the same with the negative traits. You���re gravitating to a certain type of guy who carries some negative traits too but it���s time to stop. Take the top three or so and make them non-negotiable. These traits can���t exist in your new guy. The rest of the negative traits are negotiable but not dealbreakers.

You���re now one step closer to finding the man of your dreams. You now know what your Mr. Wonderful looks like, kind of, and you can seek out men with these traits who lack the negative dealbreakers.

Finding the Man of Your Dreams: Deal with Any Baggage

We all have baggage. Some of it can be put on a cart and rolled out of your life. Baggage includes guilt, regret, fear, criticism, trust issues, being defensive, and trauma from past events. These things hold you back from having an honest, open, and healthy relationship.

When you bring that into a new relationship, it���s almost a guarantee that your effort at finding the man of your dreams will fail. Instead, change your outlook on life from one of gloom and doom to more of a glass half-full outlook.

You can also practice self-care. I have a great book on self-care that might help you get started.

Today you start taking care of you. If you don���t begin to take care of yourself, you won���t be 100% there to take care of those other important people in your life! Self-care isn���t the same as selfish. Self-care is essential for every single person, male or female, parent or not, laborer or white collar. None of that matters.

This self-love kit for women��takes you through six types of self-care, providing you with essential steps toward including each type of self-care into your life.

Each type of self-care has specific steps and benefits to your overall well-being. You���ll gradually ease in to including each type of self-care in your life.

Inside the book is a link to��download a free workbook and journal,��featuring helpful worksheets to help you proceed through the self-care journey, as well as journal pages like yearly, monthly, weekly and daily calendars, trackers and other helpful pages. Your journey to feeling less overwhelm and more power in your life begins today!

Another way to move past baggage is to get back out there and hang out with your friends, or make new ones. Just make sure that either way, they���re positive people, not negative.

The final way to deal with emotional baggage is to seek professional help. Sometimes the baggage is bigger than being happy and doing some self-care.

Convey the Image of a Confident Woman

Even if you don���t feel confident, start acting like a confident woman. Dress as if you care about your appearance. Fix your hair or get a fresh cut. Wear a little make up and take pride in your appearance. This sends a clear message to people who see you that you have self-esteem and self-worth.

When you put this kind of work into finding the man of your dreams, you���re sure to have success! Men can sniff out confident women without much effort. They look and act differently than low confidence women. So that means it���s time to get to work on that confidence and there are some great tools and resources for you here.

Finding the Man of Your Dreams by Re-Engaging with Life

Sometimes when confidence is down, you disengage with life, but it���s time to get back out there now. Make a list of fifty things you���d like to do. These can be daily activities like running or working out, team activities like volleyball or soccer, or even trips you���d like to take or occasional activities like scuba diving or hiking.

After you���ve made your list, set to work on accomplishing some of them. Join a team and play rec league soccer. Join a local group that shares an interest in the same things you���ve written down. You can often find them on Meetup.com.

When you get involved in groups and activities like this, finding the man of your dreams gets a whole lot easier. He���s doing those activities too so you���ll instantly have something in common! ��This makes for a great start to a relationship.

Begin to Believe

If you���re walking around with a negative attitude about finding a great guy, you never will. Instead, start to believe that you can find him. We tend to gravitate toward what we believe, so if your belief is that you won���t find a great guy, that���s what will happen.

Stay Positive

Living a life full of positivity instead of negativity sets you on a better course for success. Positivity stretches into all aspects of your life, not just dating. If your friends are negative, it���s time for new friends, which you can find in those activities you���re engaging in.

One thing you can do to focus on the positives is to start a gratitude journal. Find things every day to be grateful for and commit to finding new things every day. You can���t be grateful for your best friend every day. Be grateful for finding everything on your grocery list or for a warm sunny day.

Finding the Man of Your Dreams is a Mindset

Finding the man of your dreams is a lot, but not totally about your mindset, as you���ve read, but it���s also about getting out there in the right places.

Bars are great, but that���s not where many of the great guys hang out. You���re more likely to find them when you���re volunteering somewhere or engaging in an activity you enjoy.

The great men aren���t hiding, you just didn���t know where to look!

The post Finding the Man of Your Dreams appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

How to Get Rid of an Ex

So you’re interested in learning how to get rid of an ex. There are two easy steps that will help you rid yourself of him for good!

It���s the same old story. You spend months, or even years in a crappy relationship until you finally summon the courage to get out. You dump him and enjoy your newfound freedom, but he just won���t go away.

He���s lonely and he wants you back. It���s an interesting twist of fate for most men who are usually the ones to break up. Still, there he is looking all pitiful and you actually give some consideration to taking him back.

Wait!

Before you cave in and add a few more months or years of misery to your life, read these tips on how to get rid of an ex.

What Made Him Want You Back?

Most likely, your ex saw you re-engaging with life. You may be working out, changing your hair or wardrobe, and generally making positive changes in your life. He���s intrigued and even challenged by this new you.

Without realizing it, you took the steps I often recommend for women who want their ex back. I���m not saying what you did was wrong, because it wasn���t. It was exactly right, but it had a positive impact on your ex. So now, what can you do?

How to Get Rid of an Ex: Make a List

Sit down and review your relationship with this guy. What was it that made you want to break up with him in the first place? What are the chances that he���s changed and those reasons would no longer exist?

People break up because something, or most often, someone is broken, usually both people. Your confidence has dipped. He���s a misogynist or a narcissist. Your communication was poor. One of you gained more confidence while the other stayed stuck with low confidence. The list is miles long.

Do you see any evidence of positive change? Sure, you���ve changed, but has he? A misogynist or a narcissist isn���t likely to change so you can forget it if that���s your ex.

Now, review the men you���ve dated and make a list of their positive traits. You can include your most recent ex in your evaluation. When you review these positive traits, how many does your ex have right now? Not when you started dating but when you broke up. Be honest.

Knowing how to get rid of an ex requires honesty with yourself about him and your relationship with him. Just because he came back and stirred some old chemistry doesn���t mean the two of you will work this time.

Talk to Your Friends and Family

These folks were with you during the difficult time you and your ex experienced. They helped you think through your decision to break up with him and while you may be feeling that chemistry and focusing on only the good memories, they recall the tears and anguish he put you through before you finally decided to get out.

When you want to know how to get rid of an ex, you need to be prepared for your friends and family to take a tough stance. They don���t want to see you get hurt and they���ll be there to support you now as you try to stand strong with your decision.

How to Get Rid of an Ex | Stay Away From Mutual Friends

The friends you shared are usually the ones who are telling your ex how great you look and all the details of your new, confident life. They don���t intend harm, it���s just casual conversation. In fact, he may overhear it and not directly be part of the conversation.

If some of those friends were your friends to begin with, you can kindly remind them that you���re looking into how to get rid of an ex, not how to bring him back. They probably don���t even realize what they���re doing.

If those friends were his friends, it���s time to extricate yourself from the group. They might think they���re helping when they aren���t. They see how miserable he is and they don���t realize you don���t want him back, so they share news of your new life with him.

Block. Block. Block Him from Your New Life

Depending on how involved the two of you were, you may now share some aspects of your life, like bank accounts or other memberships.

It���s time to separate those accounts. If he added any money to the account, ask for a cashier���s check and mail it to him. Remove his name from the account or close it all together and open a new one.

For any other memberships, your best move is probably the same, close the account you share and open one that���s just yours. Let him know things are closed and if he wants to rejoin, he���ll need to do so on his own.

While you���re removing him from your life, block him on your social media and other accounts. If he���s bugging you by text or phone calls, you can block him. While he can still find out what you���re doing through friends, at least you���re making it more of a challenge for him to do so.

How to Get Rid of an Ex | Be Blunt

I know you don���t want to hurt him, even if he���s being a pain right now, but you���ve probably heard the saying, nice guys, or in your case, nice gals finish last.

Unfortunately, this isn���t a time for being nice. If all other attempts have failed, it���s time to be direct. This is the language he understands best. ���I���m sorry Bill, but I really am not interested in getting back together. Please stop trying to win me back.���

Shake Things Up

He knows your routines, so it���s time to change them. I know this is an annoying thing to do, but it reduces your chances of running into him. For example, if you both went to the same gym before, start a new membership somewhere else. Get your coffee somewhere else. Drive a different route to work. Shop for groceries someplace else. Move to a new home.

All these things help make you more difficult to find.

Of course, if you have a stalker on your hands, you need to take even more drastic measures, like moving to a new town, not just a new home, changing your phone number and other information he knows.

The Nuclear Option: Contacting His Family

In your quest for knowledge on how to get rid of an ex, you probably didn���t consider this one and the success of it will depend on not only his relationship with his family, but yours too.

If you had a good relationship with them, you might be able to go to them now and ask them to intervene on your behalf. Mothers are especially effective in these efforts, although if he���s closer to his father and you���re comfortable speaking with him, start there.

Without accusation or speaking anything negative about their son or loved one, share with them that you���ve been trying to get your ex to leave you alone. Ask them if they can help you by speaking with him and asking him to stop.

It���s possible they will be more effective than you���ve been.

How to Get Rid of an Ex

Exes have a way of noticing the positive changes you���re making in your life and it intrigues them, whether you want it to or not. They suddenly feel challenged by this new you. You���re mysterious to them again and their interest is piqued, especially if they���ve had little luck in moving forward themselves.

Try the steps above on how to get rid of an ex and hopefully, he will see the light and go away. Be kind and encourage him to move on without you.

Stay positive, but stand firm in your resolution to keep him out of your life and don���t offer up being friends as an alternative. He will only view this as another way to win you back. Tell him instead that if he can stop pursuing you for a relationship, maybe some day the two of you can be friends again.

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