Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 23

3 Tips to Keep Your Hubby from Doing the Nanny

Yo Ben, the nanny, really?

It looks like Christine Ouzounian, the nanny, has been doing a little more than watching the kids. This leads to me to this thought: why would Jennifer Garner ever hire a hot looking 28 year-old nanny to watch their three kids? Might as well shut Ben off from sex for a month, pull up to the playboy mansion, and drop him off for the weekend, blue balls and all!

On the other hand, what a brilliant move by Christine – get in with a high-end nanny service in Beverly Hills. Brilliant!

Seriously though, this should not happen so let me help you put up a firewall.

Hiring a nanny is a great idea

Ironically, hiring a nanny is a great idea. A nanny allows couples, tired from the daily grind, kids, and in-laws to get out on a Saturday night and enjoy things ‘like the old days’ for a few hours. This re-ignites their attraction and places the attention right where it should be more often – on each other.

A nanny also adds one more adult to the wolf pack, so the pressure of taking care of the kids can be more evenly divided. She can manage basic disciplinary things, only getting parents involved when things are serious.

She can do many of the jobs that are mundane, like dropping the kids at soccer practice and doing the shopping. Managing these day-to-day tasks takes the pressure off parents so they can be present for the important things.

That said, here are some rules:

Never hire a nanny more attractive than you

I will catch crap for this but it’s true. Why would you hire someone younger, with a more perky body, and long, flowing blond hair to live with you? Are you testing your husband? Why? This is not a matter of jealousy or honesty, this is just common sense. Men are still men, and they have weak moments and make mistakes. Tell me this, would you have a thoughts of doing your nanny if he was a Chippendale? You would be lying to me if you said no.

Rotate Nannies

Personally, I don’t want a nanny getting to close to my kids. There is a precious bond that all dads and moms have with their children. If you’re not creating this bond, you may need to reassess your priorities. I think parents can become too busy with careers and they forget what really matters. By rotating nannies, you get the best of both worlds without the kids getting too attached to any single one.

Hire Older Nannies

28? No. I want a nanny who is older. I want a woman who is not going to invite her Tinder date over and do him in my infinity pool while the kids are playing with fireworks in the road. I also want a woman who has experience with kids so they are aware of how kids can misbehave – like playing with M-80’s in the street, if given the chance.

So Ben and Jenn, take advice from a top Boston dating coach – get your nanny shit together!

Is “The List” Really the Right List?

We all have “the list” – you know – the list of things we want and don’t want in our partners. Hi all, Kirbie today and I wanted to share with you why you may want to re-evaluate “the list”.

First, I’ll share with you my list:

Educated (at least some college, preferably graduated)
A true gentleman – you know, opens doors and that sort of thing
Lives in my town – I don’t want to relocate
Not obese
Belongs to certain ethnic groups
Is not a couch potato
Someone who doesn’t have young children
No motorcycles
Shares my religious beliefs

Those are the basics – but how many of them should I really hang on to when I look at potential suitors?

The key is to stay away from the “always or never syndrome”. It goes something like this – “I would never date someone who didn’t graduate from college!” Why? Truly, I could give some on this one, but my experience with men (limited as it is) tells me that I relate better to men who have at least attended college – I don’t know why – and yes, I have dated men who did not – I’m still single. Of course, I have dated men who did go to college and I’m still single – so that one might not be as important as I think. What is more important to me is that he’s not a slacker. I was raised to believe that means he went to college. I’m working on it, okay?

Gregg often encourages women to make a list of things you want in a boyfriend or husband, and this is a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but the question is are we holding too tight and fast to that list, or is the list full of the right criteria?

Generally speaking, try not to rule out things you’ve never experienced. I did once ride a motorcycle – it was a high school friend – I doubt he went over 2 miles per hour with me screaming in his ear – we were chasing my dog, who ran like a jack rabbit. I was terrified! Is that one based on real experience – maybe a little, but I was probably 17, so it might be worth a re-evaluation. It’s important not to generalize one experience to all men – good or bad.

For heaven’s sake, don’t look at someone’s income. I wish dating profiles didn’t contain this piece of information. If a man puts his income down and it’s rather high, I immediately feel like a gold-digger if I click like, even though I am definitely doing it for other reasons. How much money a man makes says nothing of his character. He could be a real jerk, or he could be a true sweetheart. His bank account won’t tell you this.

You may want a guy who comes from a ‘good family’. This is all well and good, but I know a number of men, my father included, whose family leaves a bit to be desired in the “good” category, and he is a great man, admired by many and quite successful. I know other men who fall into the same category. Give a man a chance to be better than his family. Yes, if you get married, you’re ‘stuck’ with these people, but find out how he feels about them and how he reacts to them before you make any blanket statements.

If you are contemplating dumping him because he’s not so hot in the sack, give him a break. Maybe you aren’t either – and he’s still around. The key here is that you’re not communicating. You need to gently guide him toward making your experience better, and you need to inquire about the job you’re doing. People are so embarrassed to talk about this and they’d rather go look for someone else, than open up. Just talk for Pete’s sake.

Suppose your guy has health issues – maybe even an STD. Well, forewarned is forearmed. I once dated someone with an STD. He was very open and honest about it, we took the proper precautions and I have no residual impact from dating him. I did not get his STD. For other health issues, I ask you this – what if this health issue had not come along until you were married for 10 years? Would it be cause for a divorce?

What about a guy who won’t give up Mommy – or living with the folks? Well, let me tell you that a Momma’s boy is often a man who treats women with the utmost respect. What’s so wrong with that? If he lives with his parents, it’s worth investigating the reason before immediately dismissing him. If he considers this a temporary situation – i.e. he is getting back on his feet after a divorce or he is saving up to buy a house – it might not be such a bad thing. Of course, you do want him to feel motivated to move out, but it shouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. As for mom – you need to see just how attached they are and decide whether or not you can deal with it. As Gregg mentions in Manimals, if you are committed to making friends with mom, you two can be a great team, both looking out for her baby.

Does your potential guy take medication for depression or anxiety? You probably think this is something worthy of cutting the cord, but I ask you to reconsider. Yes, he has some mental health issues, but so does about 10% of the population. This guy is seeking medical treatment, which many of the others are not. Give him credit for trying to work through his problem.

My point is this – yes, you should definitely have some criteria that you hold fast to, like religious beliefs and core values, but outside of that, how important are some of your criteria? Are you using these criteria to keep men away? Is this more a symptom of your fear of dating or your lack of confidence? Tell me what your criteria is – where would you be willing to compromise?

More Men! More Men! More Men! Find the Right Man by Dating Lots of Men

Hello, I’m Kirbie and I’m a data nerd. There, I said it, phew. You probably really don’t care, but what means to you is that when I am doing a Google® search for something and I see words like “survey results” or “poll” I get all warm and squishy. Recently, I found a poll on how men and women date – so that’s why you just got about 60 words on my nerdiness. The thing I found interesting in the poll, and what I want to talk about today is dating lots of men.

I was surprised, then again if I give it a second thought, not so surprised, to see that women are more likely to date more than one man at a time than a man is to date more than one woman at a time. As you may or may not know, I sometimes do coaching on Gregg’s site. Too often, I come across women who, young or “old”, have not dated many men in their lives.

If you’re like me, closer to retirement than college, you may have come from an age of going to college to get your Mrs. degree. While my generation of women was starting to go to college to actually learn a skill and have a career, that was not really the focus for all young women. I dated maybe three guys in high school, marrying one of them 2 years out of high school – and divorcing him 12 years and four children later.

That was how our class did it – many people were together consistently through high school. We were one of the few couples who married, however, as many of the others wised up. I happened to be severely lacking confidence at that point in my life, though, so I hung onto him with a tight grasp. Looking back, three guys was not very many. Even in my high school job, there was one guy and a bunch of girls – I worked in a pharmacy. In college, I was so wrapped up in this same high school boyfriend that I never even looked at other guys – okay, maybe once when I was really drunk…

So, we married and we divorced, and I was put back into the dating scene in my 30’s with 3 men under my belt, still little confidence and 4 kids. Don’t you feel like ‘and a partridge in a pear tree’ belongs here? I quickly found another guy – after all – I needed to feel loved. I latched onto him and ended up in a very bad, almost dangerous, situation that lasted for a couple of years. From there, I found another guy – also bad, and another – again – bad. Still, I can count on 6-7 fingers the number of men I’ve dated since my divorce – 20 years ago.

It’s no wonder I can’t find a quality guy. I can say that I have gone out on a few first (and only) dates, maybe 4 or 5, during that time, but at 52, I haven’t even dated more than a dozen men. I think I know what kind of guy I’d like, but do I? How can I? There are ‘types’ of men I’ve never even considered, in fact, if I look back, I’ve basically dated two distinct types of guys – the highly driven, well-educated type and the lazy, not-so-well educated type. I’ve never dated a ‘biker dude’ (mostly because of my very real fear of motorcycles), an older guy – or for that matter a younger guy, someone from another country, someone of another race, or a host of other ‘types’. I shy away from professionals like doctors, dentists and accountants, but I have dated a lawyer and my ex was an engineer.

I use this filter still to weed out men, even though, something inside me says ‘go for it fool’. Many of the women I come across through the WhoHoldsTheCards website are in the same boat. My advice to them is to date more men – and I should take my own advice – physician heal thyself. To that end, I am going to make a deal with you – you try to date more men, and I will too. It’s early August, so I have 5 months left in this year – my goal is to date 15 men during that time. Fifteen first dates at least – to test the waters, and I’m going to try out some of those types I’ve not tried before.

If you would like to join me on my quest to date more men, place a comment below and tell me how many men you’ll commit to dating over the next 5 months. We will help each other! I’ll share my stories with you as I go on, and you can too if you want! Deal?

Is He a Keeper? Four Test Dates to Find Out

Hi, Tiffany here. In To Date a man, You Must Understand a Man, Gregg says the best way to find a man’s baggage is to take him on dates that will expose EVERYTHING about him. As women, we need to look past the killer smile and the six-pack abs, and see the REAL man.

In the early stages of dating, your head may be filled with a whole mess of questions. Does he have a good job, or is he a slacker? Is he kind to others? Does he have a temper? Does he have kids, or an ex wife? Is he looking to settle down, or is he just out for a good time? Is he the possessive, jealous type? Is he being honest, or is he a habitual liar? Does he drink too much, or take drugs? Is he a player? All these thoughts running around in your brain could drive a girl crazy! But, coming right out and asking him about all this can quickly feel like more of an interview than a date. Instead of playing reporter, test your new guy with these four dates, guaranteed to set your mind at ease. Then, you can make an informed decision on whether or not he’s a keeper.

Date #1: The Meet His Friends Date

Suggest a get-together with HIS friends. You could all go grab a beer at a pub, or maybe you could host a backyard cookout, or sit in on a poker night? This is a really easy way to get some clarity when your eyes are clouded with little hearts (and big biceps). If his friends are all immature or if they are players, chances are your guy is too. Take time to talk to all his friends. If he has been lying to you all along, an accidental revelation from his close pal can be a real eye-opener.

On the other hand, if he hangs with a good group of guys, where does he stand in the pack? Do his friends have respect for him? Pay close attention to how he behaves around the guys? Does he behave differently from the man he is with you? Does he put you second when it comes to his buddies, or is he attentive and proud to show you off?

Date #2: The Meet Your Friends Date

You should make sure YOUR friends get to meet your new guy as well. Throw a small dinner party with the girls or meet up with friends at a bar or restaurant. Girlfriends have your back, and even though you may not like what they have to say, they may see something about him that you are missing – like if he’s checking out other women, or even worse, hitting on one of your friends!

Your girlfriends can also ask the tough questions for you — all those thoughts running around your brain and driving you crazy! You can even give them a specific list of things you want to know, before the get together. After all, you can’t help it if your friends are overprotective of you!

Date #3: The Too Much To Drink Date

According to Gregg, alcohol is like a man’s truth serum. But if you want to get the whole truth and nothing but, YOU need to stay completely sober! Whether you nurse one drink all night, or stick to sparkling water with a twist of citrus, go to Happy Hour and see how he acts. Alternatively, you can drop in while he’s out with the guys, after he’s already had a few drinks.

Is he a loud, rude, and/or obnoxious drunk? Is he overly grabby and behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully? Is he aggressive, picking fights with anyone and everyone? Is he embarrassing himself and acting like a complete idiot? Or worse, is he drunk ALONE? All these can be big red flags.

On the other hand, maybe he has a few too many but keeps his cool, or maybe he’s a guy who doesn’t overdo it and drinks responsibly. You won’t know for sure until you go on this date!

Date #4: The Meet His Family Date

This is last on the list since this normally would not happen until you were dating for a while. But it’s really important to see how a man treats his family, and in particular, his mother. This can be very telling. If he does not respect his own mom, chances are he will not treat any woman in his life with respect. Of course, if he is all about Mama and puts her above everyone else, including you, you may also want to think twice.

His family knows him better than anyone, so be prepared to hear embarrassing stories about his childhood. If any serious issues come to light, trust that these are the people who love him unconditionally and would not say something disparaging if it were not true. Of course, if he has a strained relationship with his family, you may need to rely on the power of female intuition to tell you what is true and what is not. Be sure to keep this in mind – tension and mistrust within a family could be another red flag.

Remember, YOU are the chooser. There are good men out there waiting to date you, and maybe you have already found one. If you are not sure about the new man in your life, take Gregg’s good advice and test your guy with these four dates.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.

Every Woman Needs a Good Story: What’s Your Story?

Do you want to meet quality men? Let me show you how. Consider me as any of the following people:

A man thinking about dating you
A boss considering you for a job
A friend you just met who wants to hang out with you
A family member (or a bank) considering lending you money

What do all these people have in common? They all want to know your story. If this story is interesting, unique and positive, they will grant you the action you desire. Hmm, you say? What do you tell them?

Your story, the story you tell them, started years ago, maybe even decades ago. If that story is not positive, your story starts today! Women who get what they want out of life have a great story. This story doesn’t need to be about how you conquered the world or even how fast you ran a mile. It just needs to be interesting, unique and positive.

This high value woman, Meghan, has a story like this:

I’m busy all week long, yoga on Monday and Thursday, volleyball on Tuesday, and Friday out with the girls
I went to Paris last month, I had a great time seeing the sights…
My friends and I tried wind surfing, after 15 attempts I…
I went to the ICA Museum in Boston on Sunday, wow, who knew…
Three more weeks and I will have completed my bachelor’s degree in…
I put a hold on my gym membership and joined Crossfit!

See how busy Meghan is and interesting she must be? This is because she is constantly on the move – trying new things and saying no to any suggestion of a routine. Her life is rich with experiences. Will she fail at some of these things or not like them? Oh yeah! But that doesn’t stop her because she has the confidence to fail so she can succeed.

Now, imagine what Meghan will be like when she goes on a date with a quality guy like Jack – a guy she met while wind surfing. She will be interesting because she has stories to tell. She will have opinions because she has experiences in many fields. She will be generally happy and positive because she lives life with reckless abandon!

Jack? His jaw is on the ground. Not because of Meghan’s stunning looks, no – she is very average looking, but because she is so much fun to be with! Meghan wants to know all about Jack and he loves talking about himself (like all guys do.) She doesn’t talk much about herself and this makes her mysterious. Suddenly Jack wants to find out more about her and when he asks, he is amazed!

Megan wraps up the date early because she has plans and this makes Jack’s jaw drop even more. Is a second date in the making? – You can bet your life on it if Jack has his way.

So tell me, what’s your story?

For more please read To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and learn how you can become a high value woman!

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Should I Move in or Move on?

Hey, it’s Tiffany again. So, you’re in a long-term relationship. You may be wondering if it’s time to take that next step. I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking about cohabitating – living together – shacking up. Before the 1960’s, the mere thought of it was socially unacceptable. But times have changed. In fact, today nearly 70% of couples live together before tying the knot. But is it a good idea for you?

The Long Haul

Until recently, many experts believed moving in together before marriage made couples more likely to either never marry at all, or end up divorced. But a 2014 study busted that myth. According to new research from the Council on Contemporary Families, cohabitating does not increase the chances of divorce, and it probably never did. What does lead to divorce, regardless of whether or not you lived together before marriage, is entering a committed relationship before you have the maturity and experience to know you are with the right partner — in other words, couples who marry too young, too soon, or for the wrong reasons. So where do you and your partner stand? Should you be moving in…. or moving on?

Testing The Waters

If you think living together is a good way to test the waters, you probably are not ready. Yes, you will learn about all his habits, like whether or not he leaves the toilet seat up (a deal breaker for some of us), but if you feel in any way unsure about a guy, do you really want to be tied down to a lease with him? It’s really hard to move out once you’ve moved in.

Instead of moving in to test the waters take a trip together. You will be able to determine your full-time compatibility, on a temporary basis, and without making a major commitment. You could also take Gregg’s advice and spend a few days visiting his family! There’s no better test than that!

If he already gets on your nerves, it may be time to walk away. You can’t change him. If you stay with the wrong guy just because you’ve been together for so many years, you might miss out on the right guy who is waiting around the corner. On the other hand, if you love everything about your man and you can’t wait to be together 24/7 maybe it’s time to take the plunge.

All Or Nothing

If you truly are confident in your feelings, and feel mature enough to make the decision to move in together, commit to your choice. Couples who are mutually committed to a relationship and deliberately choose to live together before marriage are statistically more successful when it comes to making it stick. Don’t unintentionally slide into it. Don’t spend the night five nights in a row, buy an extra toothbrush and claim a drawer in his dresser slowly over time. Go about it the right way – all or nothing at all. By making it a conscious choice instead of an unplanned accident, you will both be happier in the long run.

Be Realistic

Of course, moving in together when you are already engaged is a bonus. But when that’s not the case, there may be a little voice in your head saying, “Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” If he still hasn’t put a ring on it, maybe it’s time to have a serious talk about where the relationship is going.

Perhaps neither of you is ready to say “I Do” just yet, but does he see himself married to you in the future? Obviously, it may seem like the next logical step to you, but does your man agree? Don’t just assume you are on the same page.

If he is nowhere near ready to even talk about marriage with you, be realistic. If you feel the same way, and you still want to go for it, well then, go for it. Move in together. Just be sure about what you really want, and make it clear to him first. He may never be ready and again, you are not going to change him. If that works for you, don’t sweat it. But if it does NOT work for you, don’t expect miracles if you move in with him anyway. You will only drive yourself crazy and waste precious time on a man who will never be your husband.

There is no “one size fits all” answer when in comes to moving in or moving on. Follow your heart (and your gut) and do what’s right for you. As long as you are mature about your decision, you can’t go wrong.

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Should I Get a Boyfriend or a Dog?

I actually had a woman ask me this! We had a good laugh but then she got me thinking that there are several advantages to the dog, embarrassingly enough.

Make-up. Don’t worry about it! Fido loves you with or without makeup. He doesn’t care if your teeth are brushed or you breath smells like crap. He is just happy to have you notice him in the morning.

Cleanliness.  Fido never leaves his dirty underwear hanging around or his shirts drooped over the chair. He uses 2 dishes – 1 for water and another for food. After he poos, he licks his butt clean. Try getting your boyfriend George to do that!

Exercise. Fido walks you twice a day! Once in the morning, and once when you get home from work. Sure, you need to pick up his poo, but how is that any different from cleaning the toilet after your boyfriend and his friends let lose during a ballgame? You know he won’t clean it.

Safety. Fido will take a bullet for you, will George?

Companionship. Fido will go anywhere you want to take him. In fact, he will be sad if you leave him at home. Your boyfriend won’t want to go anywhere with you and he will happy when you leave! If you do leave, guess who is greeting you at the door with open paws? Yes, that would be your dog and not George.

Arguing. Has anyone ever gotten into an all-out argument with their dog? If they have, they need to be incarcerated. Fido is a listener. He will listen to everything you say and will even want to hear more. George says, “Yes dear”, and wants you to shut up so he can eat his potato chips and smell his own farts.

Farting. Ok, Fido farts too, and they stink, but you can fart back and he won’t care at all!

Long-term relationship. Fido will be there for you until he croaks…period! There is no, “I need my space”, “I’m having an affair” or “It’s not you, it’s me” bull happening here. This gives true meaning to “Until death do us part.”

So, after careful analysis, I think we have our answer; trade in George and get yourself a golden retriever and live happily ever after!

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It’s Never Too Late to Move Past Mistakes and Restart Your Life

Hi Ladies! Here is a story from Bridgette, a reader who gives great insight on second chances and making a new start in life, and in love (published with her permission)….

Hi my name is Bridgette and this is my story. You know how they say the little pregnancy stick with the two lines will change your life forever? Well for me, it definitely did. I had just graduated from high school and my relationship with my longtime boyfriend was fizzling out. He was still stuck in his “bad boy” phase, lost his car due to trouble with the law, and wasn’t able to drive to see me anymore. I started to want someone a bit more responsible.

I started dating an older guy who worked in the parking garage behind the restaurant where I worked. After a few good months of having fun together, we drank a bit too much one night, and then went to his room to afterwards. I specifically remember the condom breaking, and for a moment we were both worried, but we put the idea in the back of our minds. What were the chances that one broken condom could lead to anything?

Flash forward a few weeks, and I notice I missed my period. The boyfriend and I meet up, I tell him the news, and we decide to go buy another stick together. It’s positive. He tells me right away that his parents are very conservative and are going to want us to get married. Once I spill the news to my Catholic mother, she agrees.

Looking back, I realize that at 18 years old I was still a kid when we got married. After dating my previous boyfriend for over two years, I had jumped into a marriage situation after only three months of dating this new guy. When my son was 13 months old, I had another skipped period, and it was discovered that the mini pill my doctor put me on wasn’t strong enough for my young and robust fertility. My daughter was then born 22 months apart from my son.

My in-laws offered to help us out if we moved closer to them, from Michigan to North Carolina. My husband got the job transfer and we made the move. I loved North Carolina, and easily made some close mommy friends. While I loved my children, I felt as though I was pushed into motherhood very fast in life. I would talk to my friends back home who were enjoying the life of a typical woman in their early twenties, and I have to admit I felt jealous. I was always so quiet and studious, and felt that I missed the chance to go out and have fun.

I felt myself slipping away more and more. I decided not to focus so much on the relationship, and went back to school to start focusing on myself again.

After nine years of marriage I started to feel as though something wasn’t right. A whole decade had almost passed, and we were exactly in the same place where we started. I was ready to finish school and hopefully start a new career. He had recently been fired from his job, and was struggling to find new work, yet stayed home playing video games more than he tried to find a job. While I tried hard to make things work, including counseling, I got to the point where I was done being put on the back burner in life. It was time to work toward building a better life for myself and my kids. After years of being somebody else’s wife, the desire to be on my own grew more and more. I was scared to death to live on my own, but I saved up and made it happen.

At first, I felt very scared about dating someone new. Thankfully Gregg gave me the tools and advice I needed to get back out there. Especially when it came to texting men. After so many years out of the dating pool, I realized it is important more than ever to keep a digital connection going, as well as a real-life connection.

While I was worried about my kids, I can say that they are now doing better than ever. They sense my newfound happiness, which has in turn made them happier, too. I have been liberated from many things that were holding me back in the past, and I am confident things will get better and better every day. It’s an open world full of many possibilities, and I’m loving every minute of it!

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Should I Date a Guy Who is Broke?

I recently got a question from Marge who likes this guy but she’s concerned about his financials. “Gregg, he’s broke.”

My first response to dating a broke guy is an overwhelming no! In To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man”, I describe this guy as a wet kitten. Let me qualify this, though. If he is a young man who is studying hard in college and he has a future in his field with prospects, then OK, I get it. He might also be in between jobs for reasons that are not in his control. I get that too.

But if this guy has no motivation and no prospects for a job then lose his furry ass! You can tell by his history and how he goes about his everyday life. A lazy free loader can’t fake motivation for very long – he just can’t. And if your intuition questions his “financial drive”, then she is right – listen to her.

Look for these signs of a wet kitten:

He tends to watch a lot of TV and spends a lot of time laying on the couch;
He might be out of shape because of his laziness;
He has Xbox blisters on his fingers that just happen to match up with the controller;
His refrigerator (or his moms) is full of crap – no low fat yogurt in site;
His apartment is usually trashed because he is too lazy to clean;
He asks to borrow money in the first two weeks of knowing him;
Date? Movie and pizza split Dutch treat – if you’re lucky;
His couch seat imprint matches up directly to his butt;
His credit cards are maxed;
He hits the ATM every other day to withdraw ten bucks.

Don’t waste your time with this guy – You will regret it. Certain criteria are a given on both sides if you are a high-value person. Supporting yourself with just a little left over is one of my criteria. If a guy works hard, you will find he works hard at other aspects in his life as well. He has to – it makes sense. He will work hard at making the relationship work and he will work hard at meeting your needs.

Financials are huge and don’t let anyone talk you out of this! Life is tough enough without needing to support your 25- 35 year old boyfriend who hasn’t gone on an interview in four years. Sure, he may counter this with a sexy blue eyes and a magical tongue but those things ain’t paying the rent or buying a Barbados vacation anytime soon!

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Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Hi ladies, Gregg here to give you some great stories of a few women who are Middle Aged and Kickin It, thanks to Anna, one of my readers (and with her permission)…

My name is Anna. My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary this month. Having been married for almost twenty years, it breaks my heart that most of my friends have gone through, or are currently going through a divorce. Some have been amicable. Others have been downright brutal. But for those who have been through it and come out the other side, entering the dating pool again seems like a daunting proposition.

My best friend Margo turned 45 this year. A few years ago she told her husband she was leaving him. They got married young, and started a family right away.  Three kids later, she realized she never really knew the man. Their irreconcilable differences aside, she always thought he was a good dad – until he proved otherwise. Her children hardly ever see their father anymore, and they only speak on the phone when she initiates the call. When he got a new girlfriend (with kids of her own I might add), Margo’s heart broke – not for herself, but for her children. They needed a father in their lives, and she soon realized she needed a partner. She was finally ready to move on.

Margo was in her early twenties when she got married. How on Earth, at age 40, was she going to start dating again? She knew what she wanted (and from experience, what she did NOT want) in a man. She also finally realized that she was a quality woman who deserved a man who would treat her, and her children, well. But where was she going to find a guy like that?

I am happy to say Margo did find him. It did not happen right away, but it did happen. She met her perfect match (funny enough, he has three kids of his own), and they are happily dating. They have a solid relationship and she has taken the time to really get to know her man this time around. I suspect there will be a ring in the near future and I will be shopping for a Matron of Honor dress one day soon!

Margo told me the key to her relationship success was a book. That’s right, a book — Middle Aged and Kickin’ It: A Definitive Guide to Dating Over 40, 50 and Beyond by Gregg Michaelsen. Michaelsen has a completely unique point of view on dating over 40, and this book helped give Margo the insight and confidence she needed to find love again.

Which brings me to Kara. Her story is a bit different. I met her early on in my career as a journalist. I remember she was so focused and driven about work that she hardly had time for a personal life. Fast-forward twenty-five years. Kara and I recently reconnected on Facebook. And sure enough, she is 50 and still single. She accomplished what she set out to do career-wise, and now wants someone to share her life with. After a long hiatus from the dating scene, Kara made up her mind to change things. As a writer, she serendipitously stumbled across Gregg’s book and appreciated the candid humor and relatable information within its pages. She knows it’s never too late to find love.

My neighbor Tina has been single for a year now, but she seems to have lost her self-confidence after the divorce. She confided in me recently that she knows it’s time to start dating again, but she does not know how, at this point in her life. The whole idea makes her nervous. It was like a light bulb turned on in my head. I remembered how Middle Aged and Kickin’ It helped Margo and Kara, and I knew it could help Tina and countless other women as well. Just like Gregg advises in the book, Tina needs to “shake it off!” She is beautiful and deserves this fresh start. And she should be excited about this new chapter in her life. I can imagine jumping back into the deep end of dating can be scary. But no matter what you have been through with your ex, there are great guys out there who would love to date you! You just need to have the confidence to get out there… and also the help of a great book.

Are you over 40 and single? Then your lucky day is here! Best-selling author Gregg Michaelsen is offering Middle Aged and Kickin’ It: A Definitive Guide to Dating Over 40, 50 and Beyond at the special price of $1.99 For ONE DAY ONLY, Saturday, July 11, only on Amazon.com ! Don’t miss out!

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