Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 23

Every Woman Needs a Good Story: What’s Your Story?

Do you want to meet quality men? Let me show you how. Consider me as any of the following people:

A man thinking about dating you
A boss considering you for a job
A friend you just met who wants to hang out with you
A family member (or a bank) considering lending you money

What do all these people have in common? They all want to know your story. If this story is interesting, unique and positive, they will grant you the action you desire. Hmm, you say? What do you tell them?

Your story, the story you tell them, started years ago, maybe even decades ago. If that story is not positive, your story starts today! Women who get what they want out of life have a great story. This story doesn’t need to be about how you conquered the world or even how fast you ran a mile. It just needs to be interesting, unique and positive.

This high value woman, Meghan, has a story like this:

I’m busy all week long, yoga on Monday and Thursday, volleyball on Tuesday, and Friday out with the girls
I went to Paris last month, I had a great time seeing the sights…
My friends and I tried wind surfing, after 15 attempts I…
I went to the ICA Museum in Boston on Sunday, wow, who knew…
Three more weeks and I will have completed my bachelor’s degree in…
I put a hold on my gym membership and joined Crossfit!

See how busy Meghan is and interesting she must be? This is because she is constantly on the move – trying new things and saying no to any suggestion of a routine. Her life is rich with experiences. Will she fail at some of these things or not like them? Oh yeah! But that doesn’t stop her because she has the confidence to fail so she can succeed.

Now, imagine what Meghan will be like when she goes on a date with a quality guy like Jack – a guy she met while wind surfing. She will be interesting because she has stories to tell. She will have opinions because she has experiences in many fields. She will be generally happy and positive because she lives life with reckless abandon!

Jack? His jaw is on the ground. Not because of Meghan’s stunning looks, no – she is very average looking, but because she is so much fun to be with! Meghan wants to know all about Jack and he loves talking about himself (like all guys do.) She doesn’t talk much about herself and this makes her mysterious. Suddenly Jack wants to find out more about her and when he asks, he is amazed!

Megan wraps up the date early because she has plans and this makes Jack’s jaw drop even more. Is a second date in the making? – You can bet your life on it if Jack has his way.

So tell me, what’s your story?

For more please read To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself and learn how you can become a high value woman!

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Should I Move in or Move on?

Hey, it’s Tiffany again. So, you’re in a long-term relationship. You may be wondering if it’s time to take that next step. I’m not talking about marriage. I’m talking about cohabitating – living together – shacking up. Before the 1960’s, the mere thought of it was socially unacceptable. But times have changed. In fact, today nearly 70% of couples live together before tying the knot. But is it a good idea for you?

The Long Haul

Until recently, many experts believed moving in together before marriage made couples more likely to either never marry at all, or end up divorced. But a 2014 study busted that myth. According to new research from the Council on Contemporary Families, cohabitating does not increase the chances of divorce, and it probably never did. What does lead to divorce, regardless of whether or not you lived together before marriage, is entering a committed relationship before you have the maturity and experience to know you are with the right partner — in other words, couples who marry too young, too soon, or for the wrong reasons. So where do you and your partner stand? Should you be moving in…. or moving on?

Testing The Waters

If you think living together is a good way to test the waters, you probably are not ready. Yes, you will learn about all his habits, like whether or not he leaves the toilet seat up (a deal breaker for some of us), but if you feel in any way unsure about a guy, do you really want to be tied down to a lease with him? It’s really hard to move out once you’ve moved in.

Instead of moving in to test the waters take a trip together. You will be able to determine your full-time compatibility, on a temporary basis, and without making a major commitment. You could also take Gregg’s advice and spend a few days visiting his family! There’s no better test than that!

If he already gets on your nerves, it may be time to walk away. You can’t change him. If you stay with the wrong guy just because you’ve been together for so many years, you might miss out on the right guy who is waiting around the corner. On the other hand, if you love everything about your man and you can’t wait to be together 24/7 maybe it’s time to take the plunge.

All Or Nothing

If you truly are confident in your feelings, and feel mature enough to make the decision to move in together, commit to your choice. Couples who are mutually committed to a relationship and deliberately choose to live together before marriage are statistically more successful when it comes to making it stick. Don’t unintentionally slide into it. Don’t spend the night five nights in a row, buy an extra toothbrush and claim a drawer in his dresser slowly over time. Go about it the right way – all or nothing at all. By making it a conscious choice instead of an unplanned accident, you will both be happier in the long run.

Be Realistic

Of course, moving in together when you are already engaged is a bonus. But when that’s not the case, there may be a little voice in your head saying, “Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” If he still hasn’t put a ring on it, maybe it’s time to have a serious talk about where the relationship is going.

Perhaps neither of you is ready to say “I Do” just yet, but does he see himself married to you in the future? Obviously, it may seem like the next logical step to you, but does your man agree? Don’t just assume you are on the same page.

If he is nowhere near ready to even talk about marriage with you, be realistic. If you feel the same way, and you still want to go for it, well then, go for it. Move in together. Just be sure about what you really want, and make it clear to him first. He may never be ready and again, you are not going to change him. If that works for you, don’t sweat it. But if it does NOT work for you, don’t expect miracles if you move in with him anyway. You will only drive yourself crazy and waste precious time on a man who will never be your husband.

There is no “one size fits all” answer when in comes to moving in or moving on. Follow your heart (and your gut) and do what’s right for you. As long as you are mature about your decision, you can’t go wrong.

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Should I Get a Boyfriend or a Dog?

I actually had a woman ask me this! We had a good laugh but then she got me thinking that there are several advantages to the dog, embarrassingly enough.

Make-up. Don’t worry about it! Fido loves you with or without makeup. He doesn’t care if your teeth are brushed or you breath smells like crap. He is just happy to have you notice him in the morning.

Cleanliness.  Fido never leaves his dirty underwear hanging around or his shirts drooped over the chair. He uses 2 dishes – 1 for water and another for food. After he poos, he licks his butt clean. Try getting your boyfriend George to do that!

Exercise. Fido walks you twice a day! Once in the morning, and once when you get home from work. Sure, you need to pick up his poo, but how is that any different from cleaning the toilet after your boyfriend and his friends let lose during a ballgame? You know he won’t clean it.

Safety. Fido will take a bullet for you, will George?

Companionship. Fido will go anywhere you want to take him. In fact, he will be sad if you leave him at home. Your boyfriend won’t want to go anywhere with you and he will happy when you leave! If you do leave, guess who is greeting you at the door with open paws? Yes, that would be your dog and not George.

Arguing. Has anyone ever gotten into an all-out argument with their dog? If they have, they need to be incarcerated. Fido is a listener. He will listen to everything you say and will even want to hear more. George says, “Yes dear”, and wants you to shut up so he can eat his potato chips and smell his own farts.

Farting. Ok, Fido farts too, and they stink, but you can fart back and he won’t care at all!

Long-term relationship. Fido will be there for you until he croaks…period! There is no, “I need my space”, “I’m having an affair” or “It’s not you, it’s me” bull happening here. This gives true meaning to “Until death do us part.”

So, after careful analysis, I think we have our answer; trade in George and get yourself a golden retriever and live happily ever after!

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It’s Never Too Late to Move Past Mistakes and Restart Your Life

Hi Ladies! Here is a story from Bridgette, a reader who gives great insight on second chances and making a new start in life, and in love (published with her permission)….

Hi my name is Bridgette and this is my story. You know how they say the little pregnancy stick with the two lines will change your life forever? Well for me, it definitely did. I had just graduated from high school and my relationship with my longtime boyfriend was fizzling out. He was still stuck in his “bad boy” phase, lost his car due to trouble with the law, and wasn’t able to drive to see me anymore. I started to want someone a bit more responsible.

I started dating an older guy who worked in the parking garage behind the restaurant where I worked. After a few good months of having fun together, we drank a bit too much one night, and then went to his room to afterwards. I specifically remember the condom breaking, and for a moment we were both worried, but we put the idea in the back of our minds. What were the chances that one broken condom could lead to anything?

Flash forward a few weeks, and I notice I missed my period. The boyfriend and I meet up, I tell him the news, and we decide to go buy another stick together. It’s positive. He tells me right away that his parents are very conservative and are going to want us to get married. Once I spill the news to my Catholic mother, she agrees.

Looking back, I realize that at 18 years old I was still a kid when we got married. After dating my previous boyfriend for over two years, I had jumped into a marriage situation after only three months of dating this new guy. When my son was 13 months old, I had another skipped period, and it was discovered that the mini pill my doctor put me on wasn’t strong enough for my young and robust fertility. My daughter was then born 22 months apart from my son.

My in-laws offered to help us out if we moved closer to them, from Michigan to North Carolina. My husband got the job transfer and we made the move. I loved North Carolina, and easily made some close mommy friends. While I loved my children, I felt as though I was pushed into motherhood very fast in life. I would talk to my friends back home who were enjoying the life of a typical woman in their early twenties, and I have to admit I felt jealous. I was always so quiet and studious, and felt that I missed the chance to go out and have fun.

I felt myself slipping away more and more. I decided not to focus so much on the relationship, and went back to school to start focusing on myself again.

After nine years of marriage I started to feel as though something wasn’t right. A whole decade had almost passed, and we were exactly in the same place where we started. I was ready to finish school and hopefully start a new career. He had recently been fired from his job, and was struggling to find new work, yet stayed home playing video games more than he tried to find a job. While I tried hard to make things work, including counseling, I got to the point where I was done being put on the back burner in life. It was time to work toward building a better life for myself and my kids. After years of being somebody else’s wife, the desire to be on my own grew more and more. I was scared to death to live on my own, but I saved up and made it happen.

At first, I felt very scared about dating someone new. Thankfully Gregg gave me the tools and advice I needed to get back out there. Especially when it came to texting men. After so many years out of the dating pool, I realized it is important more than ever to keep a digital connection going, as well as a real-life connection.

While I was worried about my kids, I can say that they are now doing better than ever. They sense my newfound happiness, which has in turn made them happier, too. I have been liberated from many things that were holding me back in the past, and I am confident things will get better and better every day. It’s an open world full of many possibilities, and I’m loving every minute of it!

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Should I Date a Guy Who is Broke?

I recently got a question from Marge who likes this guy but she’s concerned about his financials. “Gregg, he’s broke.”

My first response to dating a broke guy is an overwhelming no! In To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man”, I describe this guy as a wet kitten. Let me qualify this, though. If he is a young man who is studying hard in college and he has a future in his field with prospects, then OK, I get it. He might also be in between jobs for reasons that are not in his control. I get that too.

But if this guy has no motivation and no prospects for a job then lose his furry ass! You can tell by his history and how he goes about his everyday life. A lazy free loader can’t fake motivation for very long – he just can’t. And if your intuition questions his “financial drive”, then she is right – listen to her.

Look for these signs of a wet kitten:

He tends to watch a lot of TV and spends a lot of time laying on the couch;
He might be out of shape because of his laziness;
He has Xbox blisters on his fingers that just happen to match up with the controller;
His refrigerator (or his moms) is full of crap – no low fat yogurt in site;
His apartment is usually trashed because he is too lazy to clean;
He asks to borrow money in the first two weeks of knowing him;
Date? Movie and pizza split Dutch treat – if you’re lucky;
His couch seat imprint matches up directly to his butt;
His credit cards are maxed;
He hits the ATM every other day to withdraw ten bucks.

Don’t waste your time with this guy – You will regret it. Certain criteria are a given on both sides if you are a high-value person. Supporting yourself with just a little left over is one of my criteria. If a guy works hard, you will find he works hard at other aspects in his life as well. He has to – it makes sense. He will work hard at making the relationship work and he will work hard at meeting your needs.

Financials are huge and don’t let anyone talk you out of this! Life is tough enough without needing to support your 25- 35 year old boyfriend who hasn’t gone on an interview in four years. Sure, he may counter this with a sexy blue eyes and a magical tongue but those things ain’t paying the rent or buying a Barbados vacation anytime soon!

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Dating Over 40: Middle Aged and Kickin It

Hi ladies, Gregg here to give you some great stories of a few women who are Middle Aged and Kickin It, thanks to Anna, one of my readers (and with her permission)…

My name is Anna. My husband and I are celebrating our anniversary this month. Having been married for almost twenty years, it breaks my heart that most of my friends have gone through, or are currently going through a divorce. Some have been amicable. Others have been downright brutal. But for those who have been through it and come out the other side, entering the dating pool again seems like a daunting proposition.

My best friend Margo turned 45 this year. A few years ago she told her husband she was leaving him. They got married young, and started a family right away.  Three kids later, she realized she never really knew the man. Their irreconcilable differences aside, she always thought he was a good dad – until he proved otherwise. Her children hardly ever see their father anymore, and they only speak on the phone when she initiates the call. When he got a new girlfriend (with kids of her own I might add), Margo’s heart broke – not for herself, but for her children. They needed a father in their lives, and she soon realized she needed a partner. She was finally ready to move on.

Margo was in her early twenties when she got married. How on Earth, at age 40, was she going to start dating again? She knew what she wanted (and from experience, what she did NOT want) in a man. She also finally realized that she was a quality woman who deserved a man who would treat her, and her children, well. But where was she going to find a guy like that?

I am happy to say Margo did find him. It did not happen right away, but it did happen. She met her perfect match (funny enough, he has three kids of his own), and they are happily dating. They have a solid relationship and she has taken the time to really get to know her man this time around. I suspect there will be a ring in the near future and I will be shopping for a Matron of Honor dress one day soon!

Margo told me the key to her relationship success was a book. That’s right, a book — Middle Aged and Kickin’ It: A Definitive Guide to Dating Over 40, 50 and Beyond by Gregg Michaelsen. Michaelsen has a completely unique point of view on dating over 40, and this book helped give Margo the insight and confidence she needed to find love again.

Which brings me to Kara. Her story is a bit different. I met her early on in my career as a journalist. I remember she was so focused and driven about work that she hardly had time for a personal life. Fast-forward twenty-five years. Kara and I recently reconnected on Facebook. And sure enough, she is 50 and still single. She accomplished what she set out to do career-wise, and now wants someone to share her life with. After a long hiatus from the dating scene, Kara made up her mind to change things. As a writer, she serendipitously stumbled across Gregg’s book and appreciated the candid humor and relatable information within its pages. She knows it’s never too late to find love.

My neighbor Tina has been single for a year now, but she seems to have lost her self-confidence after the divorce. She confided in me recently that she knows it’s time to start dating again, but she does not know how, at this point in her life. The whole idea makes her nervous. It was like a light bulb turned on in my head. I remembered how Middle Aged and Kickin’ It helped Margo and Kara, and I knew it could help Tina and countless other women as well. Just like Gregg advises in the book, Tina needs to “shake it off!” She is beautiful and deserves this fresh start. And she should be excited about this new chapter in her life. I can imagine jumping back into the deep end of dating can be scary. But no matter what you have been through with your ex, there are great guys out there who would love to date you! You just need to have the confidence to get out there… and also the help of a great book.

Are you over 40 and single? Then your lucky day is here! Best-selling author Gregg Michaelsen is offering Middle Aged and Kickin’ It: A Definitive Guide to Dating Over 40, 50 and Beyond at the special price of $1.99 For ONE DAY ONLY, Saturday, July 11, only on Amazon.com ! Don’t miss out!

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Do You Really Challenge Yourself? Build Confidence with Something New

Do you ever just sort of assess where you are in life? Nothing too deep, just stuff like have I done anything really daring lately? Or what’s the one thing in life I’ll NEVER do? It’s Kirbie today, and I’ve been running this question through my head quite a bit lately. I’m not sure I’m happy with the answer.

We have a big family vacation coming up in about a week. I’m looking to it with mixed emotions, but that’s a different story. My middle daughter, who is wound pretty tight, is talking about going zip-lining. To say that I am shocked that she’s even uttered the words is an understatement, but she has. She and her boyfriend are planning to go zip-lining while we’re relaxing in the beautiful foothills of the Smokey Mountains.

Between her wanting to do that, and rereading a couple of Gregg’s books lately, I’ve begun to wonder what I’ve done lately to challenge myself or do something I’m afraid of. The answer is very little. I’ve taken risks, no doubt, and I do feel more confident because of them, but there are some things on my “I’d never do that” list that I’m reconsidering.

When I look back on my 50+ years of life, I realize that I have taken risks in the past. I rode a roller coaster, actually two different roller coasters on two different trips to the same amusement park. Both times, the risk was taken due to peer pressure (ahh high school!). I’m terrified of roller coasters, so this was a biggie for me. Even those water log rides are pushing it for me, but if my Mom will go, who am I to stand and hold purses?

In the 30 years since high school, I don’t think I’ve taken many big risks. I did take a trip to Lake Tahoe many years ago, and hiked with a boyfriend up the mountain. It was just a day hike – maybe 4 hours up, 5 or so back down, and it was a tremendous challenge for me because I have major knee issues. I felt such a sense of pride and accomplishment, and I’d actually like to do it again.

I was recently rereading To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man as Gregg is getting ready to sell it right on the Who Holds website (how exciting is that!?!). While reading, this issue of challenging yourself came up again and I started thinking about what I’ve done lately that was risky or challenging. Other than leaving corporate America to work on my own, I can’t come up with much – some public speaking and a trip by myself to France is all I’ve got. It’s time to make some changes!

My first step will be to make a new list of goals – on this list will be things that are a little risky, to me anyway. Once I have my list, I am going to make a plan of attack. I use the word attack instead of action because I think I need to attack my fears. Taking action just seems too mild mannered – the Clark Kent instead of Superman – or Superwoman!

After that, I need to find someone brave enough to go with me. Shouldn’t be a problem. Then, it’s time to take some risks. Some of the things on my list are truly things I’m terrified of, so I’m going to have to muster up quite a bit of courage, but I think I can manage.

Have you assessed your risk-taking lately? What have you done that presented you with a true challenge? Go with me into the brave side and take a challenge. Then, tell me what you did below!

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The True Story of a Successful Long-Distance Relationship

Hi, Gregg here with another reader story. This one comes from Emerson, who wanted to share with you her story of a successful long distance relationship. I always encourage you, my readers, to send me your stories. Only with your permission will I publish them, though, so don’t worry. Your stories are otherwise confidential!

Hi, my name is Emerson. When was the last time you got a handwritten love letter? I get them more often than most women do. Now let me ask you this, when was the last time you kissed your love? Probably this morning before he or she went off to work, right? Mine was three months ago when I dropped him off at the airport to go back to his duty station 3,000 miles away. Crazy, huh? How do I do it? How can that actually work? Trust me; I’ve heard all the questions.

It started six years ago when my husband was on shore duty in the Navy. During shore duty he is on land and doesn’t have to go to sea for three years. We met through an online dating site and knew pretty early it was going to be something special. He was such a romantic. He surprised me with a trip to Disney World on our third date. Go ahead ladies, drool. I had found my keeper! When things got serious we had the discussion of when he would relocate and go back to sea. I have children from a previous marriage and share joint custody with my ex-husband. Moving with the Navy wasn’t an option.

As much as you prepare yourself (or try to prepare yourself) for the change, you’re never really ready. It was the hardest thing to put him on that plane knowing it would be months before I saw him again. Even worse, he is on a submarine so it limits our contact while he’s away. They don’t have phones down there and I’m not a mermaid.

I was always a believer that Long Distance Relationships (LDRs) would never work. Like Gregg says in the fashion of Yoda, do or do not, there is no try. Of course what he actually said was, “make a commitment or call it off, there is no room for the in-between.” But, same thing. There is no truer statement. You have to be all in or it will never work, but if your love can pass the test of physical separation, you will have a bond with true staying power.

I have learned in the three years living 3,000 miles apart from my husband that our love has actually grown stronger. “Distance in miles doesn’t have to mean distance in affection”, as Gregg put it in his best selling book, Committed to Love, Separated by Distance: How to Thrive in Your Long Distance Relationship. Since my husband moved, we have become so much more affectionate. Toward the end of three years of living together, before the move, we began to take each other for granted. He was busy with his life and I was busy with mine. We would have the meaningless, “How was your day?” conversation and kiss before we turned out the light. It was going through the motions. Being forced apart actually brought us together.

The transition wasn’t easy, but we learned ways to make it work. In the beginning it was hard to figure out what to say. It was like we were having the same stale conversation again and again. We had to figure a way to break through that. Luckily with the help of Gregg we did. Now, we have virtual date nights Skyping while we watch our favorite TV shows together (of course, they are prerecorded since we are on a three hour time difference). I found a fun with a list of interesting questions and asked my husband a different question each day from the list. We send handwritten love letters and care packages out of the blue. When we do get to spend time together physically, we don’t take a moment of that for granted. It’s almost like the “honeymoon phase” of our early romance. We understand how important it is to maintain a strong connection.

While he is away at sea we don’t get those phone calls or FaceTime. Those are the hardest. I keep a journal for him. I write him love letters every day (like a real life version of The Notebook, minus the dementia part). I make notes of funny things in entertainment news, viral videos he would love, and general happenings that he is missing while he is submerged under the sea.

I am an alligator wrestler (in the words of Gregg). I do what people believe can’t be done. I have a happy and fulfilled marriage to a wonderful man who happens to live 3,000 miles away from me. True love knows no geographical bounds. No relationship is perfect, but if it is worth having, it is worth fighting for. Life’s roughest storms prove the strength of our anchors, and our love has proven it is tough enough to withstand a hurricane. The countdown is on for his return, for good this time. He will be relocating back home to me this fall and we cannot wait! Our family marks off the calendar each day in anticipation of his return. Now, to transition back to living under the same roof after three years apart… I may to seek out some help from Gregg on that!

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Top 10 Texting Blunders Women Make

As I state in my #1 best Seller, Power Texting Men, texting men is all about flirting, building excitement and getting a guy to the next date. But many women treat it as much more and that is not a good thing! I have compiled my top 10 texting blunders below.

You don’t change up when you text

Don’t text him every morning at 9 and each night before bed at 11. That shouts, “I lead a boring, scheduled life.” Keep him on his toes by texting him at different times of day.

Drunk texting

Need I say more? We have all done it – and regretted it. Shut down your phone, give it to your girlfriend or leave it inside your car. He doesn’t need to be told “I love you” 14 times.

Texting like he is your girlfriend

Ah, no. Don’t contact him and tell him about your day at the mall. He does not want to know how much money you saved by buying 10 pairs of shoes instead of 5. Victoria’s Secret? That’s a different text all together!

Texting like a 10 year old

“SRSLY! BTW, wut u doin 2nite?” Please! You are going to make me puke. Yes, it was cute when we were both were 10, but not now. Do this now and we are on to greener texting pastures.

Sexting

Yet another bad idea. Sites are popping up all over the place that long for these naked pics so men can get even with their ex’s. Don’t do it. If you must, then no head shots. Maybe show a little cleavage or low panty lines – this gets guys even more horny.

Texting that leads nowhere

Don’t texti him something like, “Wow, a just saw a cool car go by.” I’m thinking, who cares? How am I supposed to respond to that? And yet, I must. Again, texting is for flirting, getting to a date or building excitement between dates – and that’s it!

You went too heavy

No. No! And NO! Never tell a man serious crap by texting. “Where are we headed in this relationship” or “I love you more than ever today” is not for texting. In fact, it should never happen anyway but do it in a text and you will be buying my book, How to Get Your Ex Back Fast!

The apology text

This is similar to the last one, but it stands alone because it is so awful! Never apologize to man, and this includes JK (just kidding), unless you run over his dog in his driveway.

Double and triple texting

Not good. This makes you look desperate. If you ask him a question and he doesn’t respond, don’t ask again or say, “Did you get my text?” Of course he got your text. Be a high-value woman and shut it down until he texts you.

Chat room texting

Don’t rapid text like you are Skyping or IM’ing. Texting is a slow process, or it should be on your end. Slow it down and text back minutes, hours, days or even weeks later.

Avoid these 10 texting blunders and watch the men on the opposite end of your text start making these 10 mistakes!!! This is a good thing.

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Sex and the new relationship: When is the right time for sex?

Gregg today and I have a guest post to share with you. This one comes from someone you’ve heard from before, Amber, who shared her relationship story with us a couple of weeks ago. She has a great topic to share with you today!

Hey ladies, Amber here! You’ve heard the old adage, “Why would he buy the cow if he can get the milk for free?” Well, maybe there’s some truth to that. Taking it slow can actually be a good thing in a new relationship, even if he is incredibly irresistible.

WebMD and relationship experts, including Gregg, overwhelmingly agree a cautious approach to sex is best when dating. In fact, they believe jumping into the sack too soon can lead to some seriously emotional (and possibly even physical) consequences. It takes time to get to know another person, and it’s especially hard to see what he is really all about when you get lost in the heat of passion. What if he’s not such a good guy? What if he sleeps around? Can you trust him? Is he looking for a committed, monogamous relationship? Or just sex. Have you known him long enough to REALLY know?

The sad truth is, men are wired to want to have sex — to conquer as many women as possible and spread their seed. Yes, even the nice guys…. at first. A woman is wired differently. We want to have the love of just one man and a family to nurture. If you let a guy “conquer” you too quickly, he will move on to the next woman just as quickly. But if you are a challenge, he will pursue you. And when he finally wins you, he will cherish and honor you. You will become his ultimate prize. I know, it all sounds so primitive and primal, but it’s also pretty accurate. Sleeping with a man on the first, or even after the third or fourth date, is probably too soon. Intelligent, confident women should know this, but still, we sometimes fall prey to their wily ways. A player is always going to play, but a good guy may just end up marrying you if you wait until you KNOW he is genuinely in love with you, and is committed to only you.

So let’s say you meet a guy you are really attracted to. You’ve been on a bunch of dates and have great conversations. Time passes, and you both feel a real connection, emotionally and physically. You may even be thinking this guy could possibly be THE ONE. Whenever you’re together your feelings grow even stronger, and you may be wondering when to take your relationship to the next level. When is the right time to get to know him intimately? When the time is right, you’ll both know. You can’t plan it, and you wouldn’t want to.

But remember, in any relationship, it’s important to keep the lines of communication open no matter what. If you’re too embarrassed to talk about it, you probably shouldn’t be doing it. So if you really are thinking about taking that next step together (to the bedroom) and the time is right, have an honest conversation about what you want out of this relationship and where you two are headed. STDs also need to be discussed (condoms should be used, even in a committed relationship). Be up front now about ALL your concerns and expectations, before it’s too late. If he really cares about you, he won’t mind. You don’t want to get your heart broken, and you certainly don’t want an accidental pregnancy. It can happen, even if it’s just one time, and even if you’re careful. Sex might be fun, but raising a child on your own, or being tied FOREVER to the wrong guy, is probably not so fun.

Dating can be difficult. Even though your brain tells you to wait as long as you can with a guy, sometimes the heat of the moment takes over, and “as long as you can” becomes RIGHT NOW! If you decide a one-night stand is fine by you, be up front with the guy and make your intentions clear. You should treat him the same way you would want to be treated. Guys can get their hearts broken too, you know.

On the other hand, if you are looking for a committed relationship that will go the distance, make sure you have an emotional connection, not just a physical one, and it will be worth the wait. Making love is way better than just sex. And sex changes everything…. Hopefully in a good way!

My new eBook, Manimals: Understanding Different Types of Men and How To Date Them, is all about the different types of men, their traits, their likes and dislikes, the pros and cons of dating them, and whether or not they’re even datable at all (hint: some aren’t). And it isn’t your typical book. Manimals is interactive, including infographics and videos that help bring the information to life — plus you’ll have the chance to tell YOUR story! Women who purchase this book will have the option of sharing how they successfully, or not so successfully, dealt with a Manimal, and be part of the story! Each month, I will update the book with new submissions. There’s no telling how big this book could become! Instructions will be included in the book on how to update your purchase each month so you can see won’t miss a thing.

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