Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 18

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

How to Stop Being so Emotional in a Relationship

Houston, we have an emotional problem!

Imagine if the Apollo 13 astronauts broke down and began yelling and screaming at each other while their chances of returning to earth alive dwindled? They needed every second they had to work out their power issues with ground control.

They did it! They worked through their issues, found a solution, and lived to tell the world about.

Let’s look how emotions can ruin our relationships on earth. How many times have you unloaded on your boyfriend and later regretted the outburst? I know I have felt bad after cutting off a driver and then following up with my middle finger! I felt like a loser. I felt even more of a loser when I find out the driver was 75 and I almost gave her a heart attack.

Learning to deal with life’s curve balls logically, without all the emotions is a much better plan. I like to count to 10 and take 2 huge breathes before I do or say anything. It works!  I have also learned (if I have the time) if I can write the problem down and examine the source of my toxic emotions, I am better armed to deal with it in a logical manner. The time spent thinking, diffuses my emotions and helps me think clear.

I now know that the person who is on the receiving end of my rant might never look at me the same again. He or she might never compromise on the issue because I was so “over the top.” This means handling situations with emotion instead of logically and realistically becomes a lose/lose situation. People want win/win solutions to their problems and arguments.

Of course, bottling up your emotions can be problematic too, especially if you are a guy. Guys tend to keep things to themselves. Women naturally lead with their emotions so what are they to do? Bottle them up also?

Try channeling your emotions elsewhere.

Go for a 3 mile run. Kick box the crap out of a punching bag. Call your mom or call your girlfriend and let your emotions fly! They will listen and understand. Guy’s won’t. Guy’s will want to fix your problem or, if the outburst is directed towards them, they will retreat. But if you blow off some steam to your friends first, you might find you are ready to face your issue logically and realistically.

Try it.

Heavy destructive emotions directed at a lover slowly break down the relationship like melting snow in spring – don’t let this happen. Instead, listen to other person and be open to discussion while checking your attitude at the door.

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Lessons Learned about Women from My Dating Years

Lessons Learned about Women from My Dating Years

I thought it might be fun to look back and reminisce about some lessons learned about women that I have acquired through my dating experiences. I asked a few of my male readers too. Feel free to comment below if you feel you agree or not or you want to toss in some of your own about women or men!

“Don’t try to fix her problems, instead listen and try to understand. She wants empathy.”

“Never question how many shoes she has and if she intends to wear them all.”

“If she has a cat or dog, you better show her that you care as much about them as you do her or you will be toast. If you think you can fake it you can’t – her pet will know.”

“Never have a serious conversation while drunk.”

“Speak in full sentences and never answer with “good” or “sure.” Long complete sentences seem to tell her that you care for some reason.”

“Help her around the house especially with “unmanly” chores like doing dishes, cooking and cleaning.”

“Hug your wife or girlfriend everyday at least once – this will take away any small anger she might be hiding that you don’t know about.”

“Do not re-arrange your co-owned condo or house without first consulting her!”

“Text her back immediately or else you will pay for it later.”

“Make sure she has met all your friends, even the ones you rarely see.”

“Understand that Valentine’s Day is only for women and not men, then make it 10 times more special than you wanted too.”

“Her birthday lasts 61 days. 30 days leading up to it, her actual day, then 30 days after her actual birthday.”

“Your shoes matter too.”

“Don’t mess with her plants.”

“Orgasms remain a mystery – we wish women came with an owner’s manuals.”

“Every woman I have dated seems to like high-end cheese. Maybe that’s just me, but it seems to be a trend.”

“Learn all about wine or you will appear uneducated to her even if you graduated Harvard.”

“Most women have no sense of direction and will get lost in a Walmart even with a GPS.”

“She knows all your pass-codes.”

“A great sense of humor can counter a small penis (This particular advice comes from my friend not me :)”

“Women can multitask like a machine but they know that you can’t so don’t try looking at your phone while she is talking – she will get pissed.”

“Don’t ever compare your wife or girlfriend to her mother. If you must compare make it to a hot 20 something diva.”

“If you have dated for a year or longer you will never get away with a lie – she will know your body language like a shark smells blood.”

“If you don’t know what the 4 C’s mean you are going to learn REAL SOON!”

“And finally, don’t wear that shirt! It looks like shit. Let her pick it out.”

So there you have it! 25 or so lessons learned about women that my colleagues and I put together! I bet you have a few chosen ones for men now don’t you??!!

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Take Control of Your Relationship By Understanding Men!

DNA is a Bitch!

Hi Ladies. This is Gregg. And I’m on to something big! I want to teach you how to Take Control of Your Relationship.

I’ve been studying men more and more because you have been asking more and more questions. I’ve been at the bars on Saturday nights and in the workplace trenches getting down and dirty to find and bring you answers.

My findings have suggested that everything that guides a man and makes him act the way he acts is imprinted on us when we were young and growing up. If we can learn and accept these imprints, then we can use them to take control of your relationship.

The 12 main “DNA Imprints” are these;

We need to win, winning is everything!
Competition is huge
Men fear rejection
We hold in our emotions
Money is very important to us
Status and how we measure up to our peers ranks high
Men love challenge – we need it to win
Men need to feel appreciated
We were taught to sleep with as many women as we can
Men need to feel that they can provide
Guys take longer to fall in love
Men can get bored easy when the challenge and mystery disappear so they seek change

Based on these 12 ingredients that go into men, I have found the formula for women to get what they want out of men simply by approaching him in the language that he understands based on these 12 ingredients.

I call this language “Man Mode.” And I touched upon this concept in “To Date a Man, You Must Understand a Man” which has sold 10’s of thousands of copies and is catching on with more and more media as we speak.

But now I have perfected Man Mode and I am writing the book with all my new findings as we speak.

My new book 10 Secrets You Need to Know About Men | Dating Coach Tells All is filled with examples of everyday situations and then answered and solved with my formula! No more philosophical crap from so-called experts that make you feel good for a minute but won’t work.

The formula for getting what you want from any guy reads like this;

Take the situation + see which of the 12 DNA categories it fits into above + adjust your language or action to your man based on the category and my instructions = get the results that you want!

Sounds simple right? It is and it works like magic!!

Gone are the days of you begging for the ring, wondering where you stand in the relationship or watching your guy ogle at other women!

Take Control of Your Relationship!

Say Hello to solving just about any problem with a quality guy using my formula above! He won’t even know what you are doing – he just knows that he loves you and that he isn’t going anywhere!

The book will hit the streets in 3-6 months. I will keep you posted.

This is gonna be BIG!!

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Getting What You Want From a Man

Hi ladies, Gregg here. I want to give you a tip to help you get what you want from a man by communicating in a way that motivates him.

This is a dating advice tip but also can be used in your everyday life.

Let’s face it all day long we are dealing with other people and, like most of us, we want to get something from another person. If you are married you might be looking for affection. If you are single, you may be looking for a phone call or if you are employed you may be looking for a raise. If you have kids, you want them to behave.

So why can’t most of us get what we want? The answer is because we never “ask” from the other person’s point of view. We just come out and state our own needs. We say, “Can you please mow the lawn today, the kids are having a tent party and you have put it off for 2 weeks.”

This is criticizing and almost insulting. I have a better way. Always think in terms of the other person’s point of view. Maybe your husband has been very busy with work or maybe its been raining when he wanted to cut the grass. Try this instead;

“Honey, the lawn needs cutting, if I help you write up your work proposal tonight will that free up some time for you to cut it tomorrow?”

See the difference? You provided something that helps him. Now hubby is much more likely to get it cut because you thought of his needs too. The bonus? You start working together as a team on his project and he will love you for it.

This is powerful stuff! In order to execute this, we simply need to address the other persons needs and not just care about our own.

For more on getting what you want in your dating life and everyday life get my best seller; “Power To Communicate: Get What You Want by Knowing When to Listen and Making Your Words Matter” CLICK HERE!

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A New Year’s Message From Gregg

Once again we’ve reached the point when we pause to reflect on the past year, treasure the memories it provided, and look forward with eager anticipation to what the New Year has in store.

As I look back on 2016, I can’t help but think how truly thankful I am for my business, my clients and my staff – and certainly for all of you who read and enjoy my books each day. I’m always thrilled and deeply grateful for your feedback.

Looking ahead to 2017 and all the promise that it brings, here’s hoping for a healthy, happy and prosperous year for us all.

Wishing you your best year yet!

Gregg and the WhoHoldsTheCardsNow Team!

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Winning the Game of Teen Life: A Teenager’s Survival Guide

5 DAY FREE TEEN BOOK GIVEAWAY! Winning The Game of Teen Life: A Teenager’s Survival Guide

Hello my readers! Gregg here, and this post is for all the Moms out there with teenagers 13–18 years old.

It has come to my attention, as I read all your great emails, that if I could grab youths early in their development, I could circumvent many of the problems that teens will run into later in their lives.

Financials, self-confidence, peer pressure and bullying just don’t get addressed like they should in high school. As an adult life coach, I spend a great deal of time helping people develop skills which help them live happier, and more successful lives. For many adults, their problems began in their teen years when growing up was brutal. Confidence can hit an all-time low as we try to find our way through life. Failed relationships, tragedies, like the loss of a friend or family member, divorce, bullying and a host of other events in our young lives slowly scratch away at our outer layer of confidence, leaving us feeling unsure of ourselves, vulnerable and incapable.

Grab Your Son or Daughter and Join Me – Let’s Help Them Kick Butt In High School!

I will be their mentor. I will be their protector. This book contains the pieces of the complicated teen-life puzzle that are missing – the pieces your son or daughter needs! Their friends don’t know these secrets and you can’t always be there because you are too busy – but I can help!

In Winning the Game of (Teen) Life, I am going to crank-up the self-esteem for teens before the damage becomes more difficult to undo. I use this book as a launching point, with two workbooks and a journal included for free. These combined tools provide teens with a new identity, a new confidence, a new sense of what is going on around them, and a new ability to walk confidently in hallways which once were dreaded. Teens who follow this program, beginning to end, will find themselves spending less time worrying and more time enjoying the best years of their lives!

Because I am serious about taking on this venture, I am going to give this book away for free Dec 8th through Dec. 12th! During these dates get Winning the Game of (Teen) Life by CLICKING HERE.

My only favor I ask?  If you like the book, please review the book HERE. Click a star – and tell me what you think. Thank you!

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There’s a New Mouse in The House! Online Dating For Women Just Got Better

There’s a New Mouse in The House!

Online dating for women just got better! Hi Ladies, Gregg here, and I have a big announcement to make. Love is in the Mouse 2017: Find the Love of Your Life With The Click of The Mouse!  is going live on December 4th. Get your copy for just .99 cents!

This online dating eBook is all new and concentrates on writing profiles.  In the beginning I give my version of the ultimate profile! Then I teach what to ask a guy and how to move things offline.

Once again, Kirbie and I have created a free workbook to go with the book so you can work along with me, and we have created an eye opening online profile guide called “The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.” Here, you and I look at (and laugh) what not to write on your profile. Both free with the book.

I took some time and signed in as a woman (I do have nice legs haha!) to view a few sites and WHOA, I could not believe what some women are writing! Men too.

My previous Mouse book is still worthy of reading as it lays the groundwork to get you online dating successfully, so keep it as a reference.

I also found a great review website that analyzes and ranks the different online dating sites. My friend Lexi contacted me over at Reviews.com.  New research suggests more than one third of marriages begin with online dating. Finding a potential partner has become much easier, but choosing the best online dating service hasn’t.

Interacting on an ineffective dating site can start to feel like a full-time job that doesn’t ever payout. Because of this, Lexi’s team spent six weeks reviewing 68 online dating sites to find which algorithms actually work and which site was most likely to find you a compatible match. They found your top picks by analyzing web-traffic data, consulting with matchmakers and online dating experts, along with evaluating their user bases, functionality and quality. Even further, they personally tested them to find which ones resulted in the most meaningful interactions and which ones had an excessive amount of obnoxious messages.

Hook-up sites were intentionally left out.

With all of their research, they created a comprehensive guide to help daters find the best dating site for their specific needs (best overall, best for long-term relationships, best app and best niche dating sites). They also offer tips on how to maximize your online dating experience, by making it worthwhile and safer.

The information is free and the tips are very helpful! The link is here. Oh, they also review everything else under the sun too – not just dating sites.

So grab my new book, Love is in The Mouse 2017, for peanuts and then get over to Reviews.com and pick the best site for you!

Copping a new attitude

Mirror Mirror on the Wall | Affirmations for Success

Hi Ladies, Gregg here and today I need to talk to you about Affirmations for success!

Affirmations used to have a bad rap. I remember an old Saturday Night Live skit with Al Franken where he looked in the mirror and stated; “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Then, years later, the science behind them started to seep through. Today, they are the most powerful tool I use to succeed in all my goals.

Affirmations can make you feel silly at first but do NOT underestimate the power of them. I do them myself and have helped hundreds of women, some with serious issues, change their lives JUST by using affirmations. Whether we realize it or not, many people say bad things about themselves hundred’s of times per day, and unless they have counter-training, the negativity slowly poisons them.

Remember, you didn’t say these bad things when you were a little kid did you? No. Society, our parents, our failed relationships etc. etc, slowly told our brains we are bad people and it’s our fault. What happened?

We believed it.

Now we are going to replace this bad stuff with good stuff and guess what? If you tell yourself good stuff all day long, every day, for about 33-66 days – you brain will start to believe it just like it believed the bad stuff and BAM, negative Nelly will be dead and you will jumping for joy.

You see, the brain has no choice but to manifest, to believe, what you tell it to believe…this ain’t hocus pocus – THIS WORKS!!!

The mirror is where it all happens for most people, especially women. The mirror is the conduit for the negativity. Every time you see yourself in the reflection the negativity starts. That’s why written, positive, notes on your mirror are critical! “I can love”, “I can commit.” Whatever suits you, say it.

You won’t believe it at first but that is OK – SAY IT!!

Then move away from the mirror, for 10 minutes, 15 minutes and try to keep saying the positive thought (affirmation). You will find you will return to your old bad thoughts – that’s normal and OK. Go farther and farther from the mirror until you can stay positive for 1/2 of a day and then 1 full day.

I named my evil voices – Burt (the parrot) and Ernie (the lizard who eats parrots)! Burt was my bad voice who sat on my left shoulder spewing crap and stomping out my dreams. Suddenly, and purposely, ERNIE appeared as my positive voice to save the day on my right shoulder. They did battle! It was silly, stupid, and funny! I found I was talking to myself out loud all day but who cares – I did it anyway.

Then, after 3 weeks, it all stopped because Burt could not take it anymore and he croaked! And WOW, how free I was that day – I will never forget it.

So if you want to learn more and see how Affirmations will work for you, please read my book Comfortable In Your Own Shoes.

I even made a free info-graphic to help my wonderful readers like you;

https://www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com/wp-content/uploads/Own-Your-Tomorrow-Greggs-20-Confidence-Building-Tips-2016.pdf?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss

Stay crazy,

Gregg

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Men Love in Different Ways!

How Men Love

Ladies, this is a very important chapter. I am not going to sugar coat this one. You wouldn’t want it any other way!

We (men) say, “I love you” OUR way! Our way consists of these ACTIONS:

Men love in different ways – Solving your problems

I know this sounds very unromantic, but it’s true. We give you a back rub when your back aches. We stay up with you when you can’t sleep. If we love you, we start paying for things because we are providers. It doesn’t matter if you don’t need us to pay. We will fix your car or get your car to a mechanic that will. Household issues? We’re on it!

Cutting the lawn, building a shed or changing out the kitchen cabinets let us show you our love through actions. When you say, “The lawn looks great, honey, can you do the backyard too?” We want to cum our pants! Then, we want to do MORE things for you. Backyard? Done.

“Gregg, it can’t be that simple.” YES IT CAN! AND IT IS! We are that simple. Men love in different ways than women do.  Keep a tasty treat above our jowls and we will do the trick over and over. Or do it YOUR way: “I thought you said you were going to cut the back yard too. You never finish anything you start.” Ugh. We go limp, fetal and head to the couch with a beer. Backyard? Screw that.

Your choice. But only one of the ways above hits our love language button. You see – this is how we feel and show love. We do silly “manly” things for women. Granted, cutting the lawn is not as romantic as flowers, but believe me it will lead to flowers if you compliment us on our duties.

Are you getting this?  So the next time a guy or your guy fixes something for you or does a favor, he might be saying, “I love you.” As silly as this may sound to you, you need to realize this. If you don’t, contempt will build on both sides and chip away at the relationship bit by bit.

And often times, a man will say, “I love you,” because you are making him.  He figures it is easier  just to say it when he doesn’t necessarily mean it. Ultimately, the words will flow out of his mouth but they need to come out naturally.

Protecting you

I always tell women to look for chivalry. This trait is POWERFUL. If a man opens doors, walks next to you against the traffic and helps you sit down at a restaurant… he LOVES you! He will defend you at all costs too. In a dark alley walking to the car, we are in protection mode for you. It’s built in to our DNA. Again, it’s not as romantic as saying, “I love you”, but it is OUR way.

Socially announcing you

This is huge. If we post FB photos of you— then you have us hooked. When we are HAPPY to meet your Mom, friends and ATTEND your hobbies, we are hooked. When we WANT you to meet OUR Mom, friends and attend our hobbies, again, we are SHOWING you that we are in LOVE! When we put our friends on the back burner? WOW, we are in love. Look for this. When a man socially announces you to the important people in his life, he is showing you that he truly loves you. Look for it. And if you don’t see this in your man, then move on.

Taking on Responsibility

Another big one. When a man helps you with boring stuff, he is probably starting to fall in love with you. Let’s face it; moving  your furniture to a new apartment is no fun for any man. Bringing you soup when your breath stinks and your make-up is all over the place because you are sick with the flu means we love you. Or staying home from work to help you with a project.  All of these are positive signs of a guy showing you his love. Buying a car and the salesman is treating you like shit? Watch as we take control, waste that salesman and get you that car cheap. Mmmmm— watch as Tarzan take on salesman!

Sex

Big subject, ladies. Back when we were growing up, one of our most coveted “rites of passage” was to have sex with as many women as  possible. Maybe this is the caveman reproduction thing, who knows. But somewhere, we got judged, and our status stamped by our male peers based on how many women we could have sex with.

I am not proud of this male fact. And I’m sure, right now, you aren’t proud of me. But it is true. In fact, of all our achievements, I think sex ruled us the most in our late adolescent/ early adult years. We would lie all the time to our friends and tell them we slept with girls even if we didn’t. We would pray that they would not find out. I now know that they were all lying back to me as well.

My point is that being proficient at sex has stuck to all men. We need to believe that we are good at it. So this affects you directly. You need to be gentle with our feelings. More gentle than you think. Say, “I love that, now slow down with your tongue.” Don’t say, “Ow! That hurts, haven’t you ever done this before?”

Ouch. Remember, men THINK they are great in the sack. In reality, most of us suck. Shit, I didn’t know the difference between an asshole and a clit until I was 22. But DON’T tell us we suck! Teach us slowly and with great sensitivity to our little boy feelings, and watch how good we can become. When we get good at sex, then we want to satisfy you more. And let’s face it – all women are very different when it comes to pleasure and orgasms.

So many women get angry at their guy for not “trying harder” when we have no friggin idea what you want because we are afraid to ask. This deflates our manhood and our dicks! So understand this point and talk about it with your guy and things will stay HOT in the bedroom. It’s just another one of our differences in showing love. Now, obviously, there are exceptions. Some guys rock in the bedroom. But don’t assume this.

When we want sex all the time, we are hooked. Look for this and keep an eye on it. One of the first things I ask a woman (to her shock and horror) is how often does she have sex with this guy. When I hear barely once a week, there is a problem. Men need sex often but we don’t always want a long drawn out session. Understand this. If you come with an owner’s manual on “how to get you off” and it involves 3 chimpanzees and an albino midget riding a bike— we are going elsewhere.

This could be to porn or another woman but understand this is HOW we are. That said, we WANT and NEED to please you. Communicate with us in a positive way and we will be more than happy to reciprocate. We know we can’t “just get off” all the time without pleasing you. But allow us before work, maybe, to get rough and selfish without the  dreaded speech of your sexual needs not being met in every session.

This is HUGE. Let’s face it, we can stare at a glass of milk and get off. You, on the other hand, need much more emotion and foreplay. So the reality is we are going to get off much more than you. It’s ok! Let us and don’t fall into the justice trap of “you orgasmed, so I need to.” We will reciprocate. Show us how, but dumb it down and be gentle with our feelings.

If this stuff makes you stop and think then you need to continue reading! Check out my #1 Amazon Best Seller “To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man”.

Cheers,

Gregg

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Tips To Keep Him Hooked

True, there are plenty of fish in the sea, but for the longest time you seem to only snag losers. Maybe one or two seemed promising, but you just couldn’t keep them on the line so you lost them. Or maybe they just weren’t worth keeping, so you throw them back and wait for the next one to come along and bite. Then finally it happens. You score the catch of a lifetime. The one you have been waiting for. You feel that rush of excitement as you reel him in. But now what? How do you keep him hooked for the long haul?

If you have read any of my best selling books, you should be a confident woman who knows what she wants in life and in love. You have your own hobbies, career goals, a great circle of friends, and an understanding of the male psyche. And let’s face it; understanding men is half the battle! You are ready for lasting love, and you have finally found the person you want to spend the rest of your life with — a man of value. THE ONE. He appreciates you for the amazing person you are, he loves being with you, and he doesn’t want to lose you. You love and respect one another. You have a strong foundation built on trust and intimacy. Your relationship is great — but your challenge is to KEEP it that way! Even when all the important elements are there, (love, trust, respect, intimacy, appreciation, and so on) relationships take work. In time, that honeymoon period fades. You’ve seen it happen before. But this time things will be different. This time it’s forever.

How to keep your guy hooked on YOU!

First things first. Have you read Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life? It’s like a relationship toolbox — an insurance policy against affairs and harm from devastating life events. If you really want to keep him hooked I would suggest you pick up a copy. It really is possible to build an impenetrable wall around your relationship by learning how to rack up tons of great memories — pennies in the jar! Once you know how to accomplish this, you will know how to keep a man for life!

Some Tips To Keep A Man For Life

A couple that plays together stays together! Yes, it’s important to have your own interests, but also sharing a mutual hobby (or hobbies) is a great way to have fun together and create good memories.
Go out on date nights! Sure, staying home in your PJs and cuddling on the couch with a movie is always nice. But you also need to get out there and experience all the exciting things life has to offer you as a couple. Make time for dates and let him show you off al little!
Manage your emotions. This one is a biggie, and he will love you all the more for it. That doesn’t mean stuff it all down inside. It means being mindful of overreacting.
Know how to fight fair. Another biggie. EVERY couple fights now and then. It doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed. But you have to fight fair. Cheap shots, grudges and a fiery temper can destroy what you have, and how you fight can seriously make or break a relationship.
Learn to have balance and great communication. Men don’t always wear their hearts on their sleeves like we tend to do. So it’s important to keep the lines of communication comfortable and open.
Remember to laugh together. Because laughter really is the best medicine!

To learn more you’ll have to read my book. And since you have a great guy who wants to be with you, chances are he will be willing to be an active participant in keeping your relationship strong. Maybe he will even read it himself! Seriously, if a guy can pick up 50 Shades of Gray out of sheer curiosity or possibly even jealousy (what is it about this dude named Gray, and why on earth is my girlfriend reading this?), he can read Pennies in the Jar: How to Keep a Man for Life (my girlfriend is so awesome, she wants ME!)

Here for you,

Gregg

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