Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 21

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

I was driving the other day, thinking about nothing in particular and somehow, this question came up. Why do people confuse sex and intimacy? I’m guessing something someone said on the radio prompted this thought, but I got so lost in it, I couldn’t tell you who or in what context. It’s Kirbie today with the difference between sex and intimacy.

The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy

“We were intimate.” This phrase bugs me. You were not intimate, you had sex. Intimacy is built without sex. Many couples who choose not to have sex before marriage have built a tremendous amount of intimacy. By the same token, many couples who have a lot of sex together have no intimacy.

Intimacy is the emotional connection between you – the energy and passion. If you come home at the end of a really bad day, someone with whom you share intimacy will be right there to provide you the emotional support you need. He will pull you close, put his arms around you and make you feel suddenly protected from all of the evil which lurks outside.

How do You Build Intimacy if Not in the Bedroom?

Building intimacy happens in those little moments which almost go unnoticed. The late-night stroll in the park, hand in hand, where maybe you hardly say anything to one another. The support you provided to him when his childhood dog died – you were there, with a hug, to hold him as he grieved the loss.

Gregg calls this ‘pennies in the jar’ in some of his books. He talks about collecting great moments together to build up a defense against a break-up. Sitting up all night talking after an old boyfriend announces his engagement, or going out to choose a new puppy from the animal shelter are things which build intimacy.

I remember when my ex-husband and I were in high school – we were both 16. His sister had cystic fibrosis, and at 19, she was a case study doctors wrote about. In 1979, people with CF didn’t live as long as she had. After a final battle with her lungs, she asked to go home – she asked to die.  He came to my house that evening, in obvious and deep pain. Even though we were only 16, this was a very intimate experience for us. I held him in my arms while he cried and cried over his loss. I’ll never forget it.

Intimacy also happens in those moments where you know your partner so well, it scares you – and vice versa. He brings you your favorite latte on a Saturday morning, along with your favorite cinnamon raisin bagel, toasted just how you like it.

You recognize at lunchtime he’s having a really bad day, so you plan to take him out to dinner at his favorite place, or cook his favorite dinner at home. You go out of your way to play a fun evening for him and his friends when his team makes the playoffs – you get their favorite beer, order up some pizzas and head off with your girlfriends while they watch the game.

Another way in which you can build intimacy is to express your love in front of others. If this makes him uncomfortable, this might not be a good idea, but if he’s into public displays of affection, this goes a long way.

How to Kill Intimacy

I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve watched intimacy dwindle away. One sure-fire way to begin killing intimacy is to stop spending time together. If you live together, this could mean sleeping in separate bedrooms – or sleeping at the same time. While having sex won’t necessarily build intimacy, avoiding sex with each other is a sure-fire way to kill it.

Becoming a workaholic is another great way to kill intimacy. If all of your energy suddenly goes into your work, you will be too exhausted to devote any time or energy to your partner. You won’t be thinking about stopping on the way home to buy his favorite cut of steak or grabbing the Sunday Times because you know he likes to do the crossword.

Allow your confidence to take a nose dive, or watch his confidence tank. This is another intimacy-killer. If your confidence starts to dwindle, maybe because of a setback at work or some other event in your life, it can begin to put a wall between you – especially if you are one who doesn’t share those things well – someone who internalizes everything.

Building a Lasting Relationship

Whether you’re married or dating, you should always be building those intimate moments. It’s not all on you to do it, but it’s something to always keep in mind. When you see your partner start slipping in some of these activities, it’s a signal to you. If he starts sleeping at different times or working a lot, something needs to be addressed.

These ‘pennies in the jar’ keep your relationship solid. You can even think of them as one way to avoid the dreaded affair. Never stop accumulating them! You’ll be ‘rich’ beyond your wildest dreams – at least in terms of your relationship.

The post The Difference Between Sex and Intimacy appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Finding Real Love: Hint – It’s not in a Fairy Tale or Romance Novel

Hi, Tiffany here. If you’re like me, when you were a little girl, you loved fairy tales like Cinderella and Sleeping Beauty. You dreamed of finding real love – you dreamed of the day your prince would sweep you off your feet. You believed you would live happily ever after (preferably in a castle with a closet full of beautiful ball gowns). As you got older, romance novels replaced picture books, and you held on to the fantasy of a handsome man swooping in to make all your dreams come true.

The true story is real life is not like a fairy tale or romance novel, and these fantasies do not provide sound relationship advice for women. Finding real love does not magically happen. Successful relationships take work. The perfect Prince Charming does not exist. Nobody is perfect, not even you, and you should never rely on a man to make you happy, although “happily ever after” can happen. You just need to be realistic and adjust your outlook.

Have you found yourself turning down dates because you are waiting for your prince? You never gave that nice “normal” guy a chance because he did not fit this ideal you have in your head of the perfect man — tall, dark, handsome and rich (with a full head of flowing “Fabio” hair) for example? If so, you may be missing out on a great relationship with someone wonderful. You are closing yourself off to love and possibilities. You’re acting like your very own wicked stepmother! So how do you get past this fantasy existence and start living and experiencing love for real?

I have a friend (let’s call her Liz) who was OBSESSED with all things regency. Mr. Darcy, the hero of Jane Austen’s uber-popular classic, Pride and Prejudice, was her perfect man. More specifically, the image of Colin Firth emerging from a lake in a soaking wet shirt in the BBC movie was her perfect man. She fancied herself a modern day Elizabeth Bennet — and she’s not the only one!

Do a search online for the dashing hero and you’ll find a bunch of articles on “How To Find a Modern Day Mr. Darcy” (complete with step by step instructions), Marrying Mr. Darcy board games, “I Love Mr. Darcy” T-shirts, and books and blockbuster films with contemporary Mr. Darcys as the male lead (Bridget Jones’s Diary and Austenland) to name a few. And yes, my friend is still single. How will she ever be happy when no real man can compare to this fictional character burned in her brain.

Romantic novels are fun, but the fantasy men in books can’t exist in the real world. We need real men, flesh and blood, and heart and soul. Not words on a page which another woman dreamed up for us. Real men are kind. They are reliable. They are trustworthy, thoughtful, generous, affectionate, strong…. They’re not always the most handsome men in the room. They may not have an impressive job title or the most money. They may not wear the sharpest clothes, or be up to date on what’s trendy. They may not emerge from a lake shirtless in all their masculine glory. But they WILL treat us like princesses and love us for who WE are, warts and all.

Real life is not a fairy tale or a romance novel. If you stop looking for that elusive fantasy man, you may just find a real man standing right before your eyes, waiting to sweep you off your feet. That’s right, regular guys CAN do that, not just princes. If you keep your heart, your eyes and your mind open, and believe in TRUE LOVE, he will come…. Someday.

The post Finding Real Love: Hint – It’s not in a Fairy Tale or Romance Novel appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens?

As a divorced mom of four, now adult, children, I look back on my life and wonder if I was the best example for them when they were growing up. It’s Kirbie today to help you not have the same worries I do – I’m here to help you set a good example for your teens.

Teenagers are a quirky bunch. They have more coming at them than I did when I was a kid, when the biggest technological advances were cable TV and no party lines on the phone. Today, kids have life coming at them from all angles – social media, smart phones, peers and school. While all I had to worry about in middle school was appearance and friendships, kids today have the added worries of a shooter showing up at their school, being bullied and fitting into a high technology world not all parents can afford. There are a few things you can do to be that good example.

Get Your Own Confidence in Check

Most people know whether or not they feel confident, especially by adulthood. If you feel you are lacking confidence, buy Comfortable in Your Own Shoes and/or To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself. Either of these books will set you on the pathway to confidence. Together, they are like a confidence one-two punch.

Kids get their cues from their parents. If you are not confident, you are not displaying the behaviors your children need to see – you are not modeling confidence. If you won’t do this for yourself, at least do it for your kids.

Give Praise, not Criticism

The next time you hear yourself talking to your child, or when your child is close enough to hear you, listen to what you are saying. If you are talking to your child, this is even more important. Do you say things like “How did you do so poorly on this test? I told you to study more. You never listen to me.” or do you hear yourself saying, “I know this test was a challenge for you. Maybe this weekend, we can look at it together so you can get the hang of it.”

In one instance, you are merely berating the child for poor performance. Your child could have studied so hard for that test, but just not have had an understanding of the material. By berating them, you are only confirming what they think – “I’m not good at this” or “I’m not good enough for my parents.” What you want your child to think is “My parents support me.”

Positive vs. Negative Speak

Another way in which your behavior can negatively impact your child is by speaking negatively to yourself (out loud) or showing behaviors which show your lack of confidence. Listen to your own self-talk. Life has beaten you up, and we are all guilty of negative self-talk. When you read Comfortable in Your Own Shoes, you will learn more about affirmations, but I can sum it up for you now.

It’s common to say things to yourself like ‘I’m not good enough [to get that job] [to get a great guy] [to get a college education] [you fill in the blank].” This sets you up for failure, and if you’re saying it out loud, it teaches your children the same skill.

Set the Rules – and the Consequences

I hear this one all too often – single parents don’t feel as if it is somehow fair to impose rules and consequences on their kids – they feel guilty for any marital break and think their child’s life is difficult enough without having too many rules to follow.

Drop the guilt and step up. Your kids want rules. They are looking to you to help them avoid negative situations. Where there is a void, something else will fill in. Where there is an absence of rules and consequences, negative influences of peers will fill in.

If your child knows that skipping class will result in being grounded from his technology for two weeks, he’ll be a heck of a lot less tempted to give it a whirl. If there are no rules, no consequences, he thinks you don’t care, and won’t care if he skips. This self-monitoring builds self-esteem.

Chores, Expectations and More Consequences

Give your child chores and set expectations. It’s important for kids to learn to succeed, and there is no better way to try something than to try it at home, in a safe environment away from peers. As kids get older, their chores become more complex and their confidence grows.

When you set expectations, you are giving them boundaries. For example, if you work late on Tuesdays, you may ask your teenager to get dinner started for you. Don’t just issue an order, explain why you have set this expectation and what the consequence is for not meeting it. Kids will be much more willing to comply if they understand your reasoning. If they just feel taken advantage of, forget it.

Communicate

I read a great tip when I was researching this article – I wish I had done this with my kids – my oldest in particular. This mom created a “Mom Journal”, which was a journal she and each of her kids (individually) shared. The child was able to write anything in the journal, which the mom would read from time to time, providing helpful comments where needed. It is considered a safe zone of sorts. The child can write about anything without consequence and the mom’s only job is to WRITE a response.

I love the idea of having this additional method of communicating with your kids. Difficult topics which they may be hesitant to speak about openly can be addressed in the journal. This wouldn’t absolve you of openly communicating in other ways, but it certainly would provide an outlet for more challenging conversations.

Let your child know you are willing to listen. They don’t always want you to provide a solution – in fact, you shouldn’t always provide a solution. You should help them find their way to a solution. Your job is merely to listen and be supportive.

Your child is looking to you as an example, but it can be difficult to remember how your actions impact others if you are in a highly emotional state or lacking your own confidence. It’s easy to forget how our actions impact others. You have a chance to make a positive impact on your kids, and it’s never too late to start!

The post Are You Setting a Good Example for Your Teens? appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

3 Steps to Become a Guy Magnet

Hey, Tiffany here! We’ve all known at least one Chick Magnet — from the guy ALL the girls had a crush on in high school to the distinguished older gentleman at the nursing home who makes every lady in the joint swoon – they do exist. It’s an undeniable fact. Some guys just ooze attraction. He may not always be the most handsome, have the biggest muscles, or drive the nicest car, but there is just something about him.

What about us? Is there such a thing as a woman who oozes attraction? And if so, how do you become a guy magnet? Good news – Guy Magnets do exist! Better news – it’s not difficult to learn. The secret to drawing men is this simple: it’s all about confidence.

Did you ever have a friend who was not as pretty as you, but for some reason she stole the attention of every guy in the room, much to your dismay? Did you ever see a solid 5 walking hand in hand with an absolute 10 and wonder, how did that happen? Did you ever meet a man who was not at all your type, but ten minutes into the conversation you suddenly become VERY attractive to him? You can thank confidence.

Sure a great body and a beautiful face will get you dates, but most men — and women — can see past the superficial very quickly. Giving off an apprehensive vibe and insecure body language can make a 10 become a zero in no time. When you are unsure of yourself, it shows, and it’s a definite turn off. Instead of shining, you fall flat. What can you do to change things and become the belle of the ball? No magic wand is going to do that for you. You have to decide to make the change yourself, by adjusting your outlook and attitude.

Step 1: Love Yourself

I’m not saying you should boast about how amazing you are to every man you meet. That’s not going to help you win dates and influence people, but if you love yourself, it WILL show and others will love you too. Loving yourself means looking inward and appreciating what is good about YOU. Cut yourself some slack about your perceived imperfections, and feel comfortable in your own shoes. Stop putting yourself last. Make time for yourself, mind, body and soul. Banish negative thoughts, and focus on the positive. After all, no one will love you if you don’t love yourself.

Step 2: Be True To Yourself

Trying to act like something or someone you are not is never a good thing. If anything, it just shows you lack confidence. And the truth WILL catch up with you in the end. So save yourself time and heartaches and just be YOU! You have your own hobbies and interests so do what you love, surround yourself with people who accept you as is, and be seen for the amazing person you are! Not the fake person who pretends to be something she’s not. When in doubt, be true to yourself.

Step 3: Value Yourself

Boston’s top dating coach, Gregg Michaelsen, believes there is nothing more attractive than confidence. You are a woman of value who can have her pick of men. All you need to do is believe it. Boost your feelings of self-worth by throwing yourself into work you love, and activities which help you feel good about yourself and your talents. Think about all the things you do to help people, your achievements, and all your strengths as an individual. Surround yourself with friends and family who support you and love you unconditionally. Trust your intuition and wisdom, it won’t steer you wrong.

Now you know the secret to becoming a Guy Magnet. No one changes overnight, but if you work on building your confidence you will notice a difference in the way people perceive you, and before you know it, it will be you who steals the attention of all the guys in the room! So tell me, who holds the cards now?

The post 3 Steps to Become a Guy Magnet appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me?

“How will I know if he really loves me…?” Tiffany here. Sorry if you now have that classic 1980’s Whitney Houston song stuck in your head. But really, is there any way to know for sure? It’s not like guys profess their love from the rooftops and gush all over when they see us. They’re not wired that way. And if by chance he does say those three magic words — I love you — well, what then? Words are just words. Does he mean them or is he just trying to appease you, or worse, is he just trying to get in your pants? Some guys are devious that way, and some women fall for it because they are blinded by their own feelings (feelings we proudly show every chance we get, because, face it, we ARE wired that way).

Let’s go back to that song that’s stuck in your head.

How will I know (Don’t trust your feelings)

How will I know

How will I know (Love can be deceiving)

How will I know

How will I know if he really loves me

I say a prayer with every heart beat

I fall in love whenever we meet

I’m asking you what you know about these things

When it comes to relationship advice for women, Gregg Michaelsen knows about these things! This Boston dating coach will be the first to tell you men love DIFFERENTLY than women. It’s pretty much the whole premise of To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, one of his best-selling dating advice books. According to Gregg, women ooze love unconditionally, but men don’t love like that.  They don’t generally spill their emotions, constantly confirming their love for us. But that doesn’t mean they don’t love us back. Even if it’s hard for them to TELL us how they feel, they SHOW us, in their own way, through their ACTIONS. We just need to know what to look for!

Solving Your Problems

Does he give you a massage when your back aches? Did he put air in your tires and check your oil before your trip to visit your parents? Does he mow the lawn when the grass gets too high? Did he bring you your favorite pumpkin spice cappuccino because he knew you had a big deadline at work last week?

When guys do these “manly” things for us, they are showing us they care. Now that we know this to be true, we can use it to our advantage. Compliment him on how nice the lawn looks, and show appreciation when he makes sure you are safe. Do this, and he will be showing his love every chance he can!

Protecting You

Does he open the door for you? Does he give you his coat when you’re chilly? Does he walk you to your car and make sure you get home safely? Does he defend you at all costs? Chivalry is not dead! In fact, it’s a powerful way men show their true feelings. He’s not just being a gentleman, ladies. He cares about you! Don’t let his effort go unnoticed.

Socially Announcing You

If he loves you, he will want to introduce you to the important people in his life. He will want you to meet his friends, and he will want you to meet his family. He will share his hobbies with you and invite you to join in. He will update his relationship status on Facebook and post photos of you on his profile page. He will be proud to show you off, and he will be excited about including you in his life.

Sex

Not to go into too many graphic details, but is he a taker or a giver? If he wants to please you just as much as he wants to be pleased, he cares. Simple as that.

Showing his love can rarely be faked. You just need to pay attention to the clues. Actions speak louder than words. So be confident in his feelings for you, even if he doesn’t say those three words right away, or as often as you’d like. You will know.

The post How Will I Know if He Really Loves Me? appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Is Your Smartphone Hurting Your Relationship?

According to a recent Baylor University study, phubbing – or phone snubbing – was found to harm relationships, leaving people less happy and less satisfied overall. Phubbing occurs when someone focuses their attention on their phone instead of the people they are with. Hello! It’s me, Tiffany with the latest trending topic on social media and a question for you – is your smartphone hurting your relationship?

The Negative Effect of Phubbing

The study showed that people who are overly attached to their phones tend to have more conflict in their lives, which leads to more fighting and hurt feelings (usually about the phone issue at hand), and can further the damage a relationship.

In today’s fast-paced, technology driven world, people communicate face-to-face less and less often. How can you interact on an intimate level with your face buried in your smartphone? Real connections are either lost or never made to begin with when this happens.

Yes, social media is a great tool to meet new people and keep in touch when you are apart, but when you are with someone in person, there is a detachment that does more harm than good when your focus is on your phone and not your significant other.

Warning Signs You (or Your Partner) Might be Phubbing

Ask yourself these questions:

Is there a phone always within view when you are together
Do you keep yours on the nightstand at bedtime
Is it always on the coffee table when you are snuggling on the couch
Do you need it on the table during dinner?
Does the phone seem to be glued to your hand or your partner’s hand?
Does your partner answer a call or text in the middle of a conversation with you?
Are you distracted, checking your phone or scrolling through Reddit/Facebook/Twitter instead of being present and engaged?
Is your partner never content to just enjoy quiet time together without checking for messages?
Do you whip out your phone whenever there is a lull in conversation?
Does he need his phone to fall asleep?

If any of these behaviors sound familiar, a smartphone may be hurting your relationship.

Alone with Your Selfies

More bad news — that selfie habit can also be damaging your relationship. Posting photos of yourself on social media can alienate the people in your life and make them see you in a negative light. Probably the opposite effect you were hoping for when you snapped that pic of your sexy pout, on your phone camera, and splashed it all over the Internet.

Most people find selfies annoying and narcissistic, especially if you’re always interrupting a good time to take a picture, posting more than once a day, or constantly checking for ‘likes’ and comments. If anything, your man will think you’re insecure. And according to Gregg Michaelsen, Boston’s top dating coach and best-selling author of dating books for women, insecurity is a big turn off. There’s nothing more attractive than confidence.

How to Break the Habit

Smartphone addiction is a real issue, but it’s unrealistic to think you or your partner can quit your phones cold turkey. Smartphones serve a real purpose in regards to safety and convenience, but what can you do when your phone usage goes from practical to obsessive?

Being aware of the problem is the first step. The next thing to do is to set boundaries. Have a face-to-face discussion with your partner about your feelings, and agree upon when it’s okay and when it’s not okay to be on the phone when you’re together. Keep phones off the dinner table and definitely out of the bedroom. And visit stopphubbing.com to break the habit for good — I promise it’s worth the visit for a chuckle and a little insight at the least!

I will admit it. I learned about the dangers of phubbing while scrolling though my favorite news feed. And you’re probably reading this on your phone right now. We all could benefit from a little less screen time, I’m sure! But, if your man loves his cel phone more than he loves you, it’s probably time to hang up.

The post Is Your Smartphone Hurting Your Relationship? appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend

Women often get a bad rap for being moody, but the truth is, guys can be moody too! We ALL have our moments, but what happens when you have a moody boyfriend? You love him, but are his bad moods bringing you down? Amber is our guest blogger today with some tips to help you deal with your moody man.

When He Pleads The 5th

If your boyfriend seems distant and quiet, he may be struggling to tell you what’s on his mind. Maybe he thinks you’ll judge him or be critical of him, which could be adding to his stress. If you’ve read To Date a man, You Must Understand a Man, you know men and women are drastically different in the way they communicate and love. Women wear our hearts on our sleeves and shout our feelings from the rooftops. Men…. not so much. Make sure he knows you are there for him and willing to listen when he’s ready. Don’t pressure him — just be there, and be kind. Chances are, he will feel better once he lets it all out, and realizes he has someone in his corner.

It’s Not You, It’s Him

Remind yourself this too shall pass. Moods change like the weather, so if his crankiness is too much to take at the moment, don’t feel like you need to carry the weight of it yourself. Go out with your girlfriends, hit the gym, or grab a book and head to the coffee shop – whatever you need to do to decompress. A little space will do wonders for you, and it will give him some time to work through what is bothering him. Just remember – whatever he’s dealing with is not your fault.

Hot and Cold

He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. It’s hard to tell when your guys is always either hot or cold. One minute he’s all into you, pouring on the affection, and the next minute he’s too preoccupied with his own issues to even notice you’re around. What gives? Think of it this way. You know how guys think about sex 95% of the time? Well, the other 5% they have to obsess about something else. So if it’s not you, what is it? His job? His friends? His team losing the Super Bowl? Whatever is weighing heavy on his mind, chances are he will be preoccupied. Men have a one-track-mind by design, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you.

Bring On the Fun

Time alone can be helpful, but time together can also turn his frown upside down. Go ahead and distract him with something fun! Hit the bowling alley or arcade, watch funny YouTube videos or a laugh out loud comedy and cuddle on the coach. You could also spend the day at an amusement park riding the rollercoasters, go for a bike ride together, whip up your favorite meal, put on your favorite song and dance in the kitchen, or just have a good-old make out session. Whatever floats your boats and gets his mind off his troubles!

Know When to Hold ‘em and When to Fold ‘em

We all get moody now and then. If your guy is having a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month, try to be understanding. As long as he is kind and does not take it out on you (abuse of ANY kind is NEVER okay!), give him love, support, and some space to sort out his feelings. On the other hand, if his moods are getting in the way of your happiness, it may be time to decide weather or not he is right for you. Remember Gregg Michaelsen’s dating advice for women —YOU are the chooser, and can have your pick of guys. Donald Downers need not apply.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit Gregg’s website and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.

The post How to Deal with a Moody Boyfriend appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Let’s Talk about Sex in a Relationship

I get a lot of emails from my readers about sex. I answer them all individually but I leave the sex tips to the plethora of books and articles out there. I try to stay above the fray, if you will.

Sex in a relationship is huge! Hook-ups are huge. These things are hard to ignore, and let’s not forget, sex is extremely enjoyable second to – wait for it – nothing! Ok, food, money and good health is up there too but sex is pretty friggin’ awesome when it’s done right (and safely.)

I always say men fail in the bedroom and I try to help my readers understand the need to teach their guy how to please them, but I rarely point out how women fall short with men! Oral sex is not just oral sex. Intercourse is not just intercourse!

In my stupid, horny years I slept with a lot of women (yeah I know) and to this day I remember a few, not because they were beautiful, but because I remember how spectacular they were in the sack. I mean, one woman made my eyeballs spin around the in back of my brain – spectacular!

We can’t ignore the fact that sex is a very important component in all relationships. If you want to keep your guy, you need to feed him filet mignon in the bedroom instead of hamburger helper! Should a relationship be based on sex? Of course not, although many relationships do survive longer than they should because of great sex.

If you are going be a complete Jedi woman, as I teach in all my books, you need to be a master Jedi in the bedroom. This will complete your game, increase enjoyment for both of you 10 fold and keep your guy from ever straying. Can you imagine how many times the two of you are going to hop in the sack, do it in an elevator or join the mile high club if the sex is spectacular? Great sex should also keep a man off the porn sites, unless it includes you.

I am not going to write articles on oral sex and intercourse here, but we do need to address this subject and I have just the guy to help you. His name is Michael Webb and he is Oprah’s love expert who also happens to be a friend of mine. He has coached over ten thousand couples worldwide and is one of the most respected experts in his field. What he teaches is excellent and he does it in a professional way. I strongly recommend what he has to offer. Here is one great example!

I believe this book is a must for any woman who wants to keep her guy and keep him happy! Click the image to check it out!

 

The post Let’s Talk about Sex in a Relationship appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Women’s Top Questions for Men Answered

Good morning ladies, it’s Kirbie today, and I just finished reading all of the fantastic comments from Gregg’s post, 8 Questions All Men Would Like Women to Answer, and I think we have a few questions of our own, so I speak for us all when I ask these – but please feel free to ask a different question in the comments and we will let Gregg provide us with his “Guy” answers to women’s top questions for men!

Why do we have to conform to you all of the time?

As I was reading the responses to the above blog, what occurred to me was this one question….why do WE have to conform to YOUR personality all of the time? Why can’t you guys bend in our direction? Yes, I realize we need to understand how the male mind works, but it seems as if the end result is “this is how men are, deal with it.” Where’s the give and take?

Why all of the adventure?

I don’t know how many online profiles I have read where the guy wants a woman who is interested in his boating, hiking, biking, workout and golf habits? Many available women past a certain age are most likely divorced and raising children. We don’t have your free time…don’t expect us to be interested in spending every waking moment before we met you adventure seeking. Adventure for us is throwing a dark-colored pair of socks in with lights to see if the whole load gets trashed or leaving the 3-year old alone while we go to the bathroom.

Why do you think we want to hear every bodily function you have?

Seriously. Okay everyone has gas and everyone uses the bathroom, but this is not an open invitation to share those moments with us. Close the bathroom door. At least mute the phone if you absolutely must use the bathroom while we’re talking on the phone, and for heaven’s sake, if you had chili with onions for dinner, start the meal with a Beano.

The 60-minute poop (sorry I know, it’s a gross topic)

When women need to use the bathroom, we go in, we sit down and we go. We don’t, as my mother calls it, “nest”. We don’t take reading materials. We do what we need to do and we move on. Why is this not the case for men? If you want to read Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, do it somewhere else. Some day, you’re gonna get hemorrhoids from this (true fact) and we’re not rubbing any cream on it for you!

Shoes, socks and belts

Black shoes go with a black belt – and while we’re at it – black socks – not white socks. By the same token, what’s up with this new trend to wear black socks with tennis shoes? Um no. We don’t expect men to be all matchy matchy like women are, but there are a few no-brainers which make you look like you know what you’re doing – and I know some woman in your life has already told you these! I speak for all women everywhere when I say this – “She is right”.

Have you ever ‘swallowed’ – (no not like that) – I mean have you ever tasted semen yourself?

This could possibly eliminate all of the begging men do on this topic. Seriously – it’s not a salted caramel latte you’re asking us to throw back – not even in the neighborhood. While we’re on the topic of sex, if you would leave your penis alone when we’re not around, it might not take so many antics to get you off in the first place.

Boobs – what’s the attraction?

Women’s breasts are functional – placed there to nurture offspring with highly nourishing milk. Nowhere is it written that breasts are for your entertainment. If men got less giddy about breasts, maybe women wouldn’t get harassed so often when they attempt to do what is natural – feed their child. Due to this male obsession, women damage their bodies with needless and sometimes dangerous implants – all in the name of looking attractive to a man. Personally, after 4 children, I’ve got nothing of interest to offer in this area.

Okay, now show me yours

Okay ladies, now it’s your turn to ask your questions! Be sure to put them in the comments below and let’s see what Gregg has to say in response.

The post Women’s Top Questions for Men Answered appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

4 Questions to ask Yourself Before You Commit

How do you know if someone is right for you? Sure you’re attracted to him, and you get along great, but if you commit to a relationship you are closing yourself from possibly meeting Mr. Right. If you just aren’t there yet, it’s probably best to keep things casual for now and keep you options open. It’s Tiffany today with 4 questions to ask yourself before you commit!

Is He Your Friend?

It’s true. There is no romantic relationship without that physical, chemical spark. But if you ask happily married couples what their secret is, chances are they will say they married their best friend. When you think back on past failed relationship, chances are you were lovers but never really friends. Think of the qualities you look for in a friend — shared interests and values, mutual respect and trust, appreciation for one another, compatible personalities, and the ability to feel comfortable and happy when you’re just hanging out, spending lots of time together. Do you have that? You may be into him physically, but you can’t be hot and heavy all of time (even if you want to). He may be a good lover, but when it comes down to it, he should be a good friend too.

Does He Communicate?

In any good relationship, you must be open and honest with each other. Conversation by nature is a give and take, back and forth kind of thing! If he is normally a Chatty Charles but shuts down when it comes to certain topics, or if he sits there silently scowling while you are talking, it may be time to wonder why.

He should be someone you can talk openly and honestly with about the important stuff without worrying about whether he is judging you or withholding information. You should trust him with your secrets and he should trust you with his.

On a related note, are your conversations stimulating or do you find yourself bored and yawning, staring into his dreamy eyes? Just like you click in the bedroom, the two of you need to click conversationally. Sure, it’s nice to enjoy some quiet time together now and then, but in the end, you don’t want to be stuck in a marriage with someone who will not or cannot communicate.

Do You Really Know Him?

Trust and friendship take time. You may really want to have a boyfriend or you may really want to be engaged, but make sure you really know the guy before you rush into anything. Don’t let your biological clock blind you! Do you know what he wants for the future (besides you)?

It’s important to make sure you are both on the same page with your relationship. I have more than one friend who married and divorced because one wanted kids and the other did not. Another reason why open and honest communication is so important! According to Boston’s top dating coach, Gregg Michaelsen, a great way to really get to know someone is to meet his family. There is a reason people traditionally “meet the parents” before getting married — It just makes sense! His upbringing has set the foundation for who he is as an adult, and can really be en eye opener. Spend some time with his parents and siblings, and observe him closely. How does he treat them? How do they treat him? What is the family dynamic? Do you like what you see?

Does He Love You?

You know how you feel about him, and it should be obvious how he feels about you. It does not matter if he says he loves you a hundred times a day or not at all. We women wear our hearts on our sleeves but men are different. They show their love through their actions. Is he proud to have you by his side? Is he protective of you? Is he generous? Does he treat you with kindness and respect? One of Gregg’s best dating tips for women is to understand how men love. These actions cannot be faked. When you know, you know. There are lots of men in the dating pool. Don’t settle for anything less than love.

 

Hopefully your answers to these four questions will give you some clarity when it comes to making the decision to finally commit to one man. By now, you should be on your way to becoming an exclusive couple, or staying open to the possibility of finding your one and only one day soon!

The post 4 Questions to ask Yourself Before You Commit appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.