Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 22

4 Roadblocks which are Keeping You from Love

Hi, Tiffany here. We all want to love and be loved. It’s amazing to feel a real, lasting connection with another person — to be lucky enough to find that someone who makes our hearts race, someone we can actually settle down with for the long haul.  But the road to love can be bumpy, with some serious twists and turns. If we’re not careful, we can lose control or worse, hit a roadblock that completely stops a relationship in its tracks. Best advice? Avoid these 4 roadblocks which are keeping you from love.

#1 Beware of the Superficial

It’s easy to get lost in a superficial checklist of qualities you look for in a partner. But remember, you are not buying a car! A hot body and shiny good looks only take you so far. Stop stressing about things that don’t really matter. So far, you have only dated blonds (because you have thing for Brad Pitt), or guys taller than you in heels. How far has that gotten you?

Physical attraction is important, but did you ever notice how a guy gets more (or less) appealing the more you get to know him? That hunky man who treats you poorly can quickly drop to a zero, while the sweet man who makes you laugh can suddenly rev your engine. Don’t get stuck on a checklist. Instead, open yourself up to new possibilities and see where it takes you. The happiest relationships share fundamental values, compatible interests, and travel deeper than what is on the surface.

#2 Don’t Let Anxiety Hold You Back

Dating is filled with uncertainty, and it can be intimidating. Instinctually, you may feel a bit of anxiety about the whole thing, and start to avoid dating altogether. Or if you are putting yourself out there, you may decide to floor it in reverse once things really get going. Instead of worrying and focusing on the negative, imagine the best-case scenario. Picture the two of you reaching that destination together. Let yourself feel happy. Don’t let worry halt your chances of finding love.

#3 Ditch The Baggage and Travel Light

In To Date A Man, You Must Understand A Man, dating coach Gregg Michaelsen teaches us all about baggage handling. And as usual, it’s is a great bit of relationship and dating advice! The message is simple, and as plain to see as a flashing street sign. Don’t let your baggage slow you down. Remember, men have baggage too, and they find it refreshing when we are honest and unload it right from the start. As long as you keep it light and positive, you should have nothing but green lights ahead. He will, in turn, feel comfortable enough to let you in on his baggage as well. Get it out there and leave it all behind. That’s the best way to start your journey together — traveling light!

#4 Stay on Track and Keep Moving Forward

Many of us get scared when we get too close. That old baggage resurfaces again, and we start making comparisons. We don’t want to get hurt again. We become unsure, or we become afraid to make a commitment. So we put up walls and distance ourselves from love, making it virtually impossible to move forward. Don’t get stuck in your own head. You may think you are protecting yourself from a major disaster, but in reality, you are just preventing yourself from reaching the place where you really want to be. If you’re not open to love, you will never get there. Stay on track, move past the fear, and make a choice to keep your heart open.

There is a lot of dating advice for women out there. Because love CAN be a difficult road filled with obstacles. But the fact is, we may just be responsible for some of those roadblocks. Like a good Driver’s Ed refresher course, sometimes we need a little reminder to avoid the things that get in the way of our happiness. The finish line is in sight — so avoid those roadblocks, and enjoy the ride!

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How to Get Out of the Friend Zone

Tiffany here. You know that cute guy friend you love to hang out with? Maybe you’ve known him forever, or maybe you’ve only recently met. Either way, you get along great, conversation is always natural and easy and you just feel comfortable whenever you are together. He’s your buddy…. your pal…. But, one day your feelings change. Instead of comfortable, you start to feel nervous and tingly around him. You start missing him when you’re not together. And when you are together — face it — you’d rather be kissing than talking. There you are, pining away and harboring this secret crush, stuck in the friend zone with no way out. Fear not, I have a little advice to help you get out of the friend zone.

Sound familiar? You’ve seen it a million times, played out in romantic comedies (think When Harry Met Sally and My Best Friend’s Wedding), best-selling novels (think Bridget Jones’s Diary and everything written by Jane Austen), and countless TV shows (think Monica and Chandler and Ross and Rachel on Friends). And now you’re living it — for real! What’s a girl to do? How do you get him to notice you as more than just a friend?

The Girl Next-Door or Just One of the Guys

Right now, you probably fall into one of two categories. He either sees you as one of the guys (you’re cool to hang out with but too cool to date), or the girl next-door (he loves you…. like a sister of course). Unless he is secretly pining away for you too, and you just don’t know it yet! Whatever the case may be, you can handle it the same way. The bottom line is men are competitive. It’s like this primal instinct. Sometimes it just takes another guy to be interested in you to open his eyes and kick him in the rear. Try innocently flirting with other guys in his presence, and see what happens! 

Keep It a Mystery and Let the Sexual Tension Build

It’s OK to flirt now and then — it’s always nice to get attention from the opposite sex — but it’s NOT OK to throw yourself at guys, or go too far with someone you have no interest in, just to catch attention of the one you want. Also, don’t talk about your love life with your guy friend. Blabbing about recent dates, sexual experiences, and past boyfriends is TMI (too much information)! Keeping it a mystery will only stir his interest (and his imagination)! Don’t be surprised if one day he starts to flirt with YOU. Just don’t take the bait. Where is the challenge if he has you eating out of the palm of his hand? If there is anything we have learned from movies, books and TV, it’s to let that sexual tension build! If you leave him wondering where he stands with you, he will be eating out of YOUR hand instead. Remember Gregg’s dating advice — YOU are in control and YOU are the chooser. Save the gossip and steamy details for your girlfriends.

Proceed With Caution and Let Him Chase You

Your feelings may have changed, but your personality shouldn’t. If you go from the cool, sweet, fun girl to the crazy, obsessive, possessive girl, you may lose a chance at love, and your friendship to boot. Once his interest is sparked, play hard to get. I know it’s a cliché, but there is some truth behind those words! When he asks you to hang out, tell him you have plans. You’re not at his beck and call, and there are other people who want to spend time with you. Ignore his texts once in a while or at least wait to respond. Let him miss you. Guys like a challenge! Follow this dating tip and he will chase YOU!

Act Appropriately When He Has a Change of Heart

When he does have a change of heart and he finally expresses his feelings to you in an open and honest way, things will just feel right. Those natural, comfortable, easy vibes you felt as friends will be that much better with feelings of love in the mix.

And now that he’s caught you, chances are he won’t let go! Couples who start out as friends build a strong foundation which can lead to lasting love. After all, who wants to spend the rest of his or her life with someone who lacks substance? Looks fade, but true friendships don’t. And wouldn’t it be nice to be married to (and grow old with) your best friend?

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How to Make a Great First Impression on a Date

Hi Ladies, Tiffany today. Do you want to know how to spark an instant connection with someone new? Here are some simple to follow dating tips that will help you make a great first impression!

Of course you want to make a great first impression when you meet someone new, especially when that someone is a handsome potential boyfriend. It’s actually easier than you would think! Here are four simple dating tips to help you shine….

Nix The Narcissism

It’s easy to get caught up in a one-sided conversation, where you talk non-stop about yourself in an effort to impress, especially when your nerves take over. Sadly, this tactic will usually backfire, leaving him disinterested, and leaving you wondering why. The next time you meet a new man, avoid the temptation to over-share. Instead of making it all about you, keep the conversation flowing back and forth. Of course, don’t interrogate him with questions. But do encourage him to talk about himself now and then. Respond with genuine interest, and really get to know each other!

Stay Cool, Calm, And Collected

It’s normal to feel a little anxious and jittery on a first date. But don’t let your nerves get the best of you! Take a deep breath, relax and focus on him. Chances are he’s just as nervous as you, so make him feel at ease and the conversation will flow naturally! Speaking of conversation, remember to speak slowly and clearly. Rambling on is a sure sign of insecurity. Men are attracted to confidence, and if he feels comfortable when he’s with you he will want to spend more time with you!

Be Mindful Of Body Language

According to Psychology Today, being in sync with another person is attractive. If you adjust your posture to match his, and follow his gestures, it will make you infinitely more alluring. To establish an instant connection, mirror the tilt of his head, make eye contact, smile when he smiles, and shift your body along with him. We can communication volumes with our bodies! Occasionally lean in toward him when he says something interesting. Keep you feet pointed forward towards him, with your legs uncrossed and comfortable. Arms should be also be uncrossed in a natural position with your hands relaxed and open. And be a bit flirtatious by playfully touching your jewelry or your hair. This is all considered positive body language, a hot topic when it comes dating advice for women!

Keep Things Real

We all know and love Gregg Michaelsen, Boston’s tops dating coach, and best-selling author of dating advice books. If you’ve read any of his books, you know self-esteem is a key issue in his dating advice for women. Gregg reminds us over and over again that we are quality women, and we should never change ourselves for anyone or give up who we are, especially for a man. Don’t lie and say things just to impress a guy. Be open and honest about your likes and dislikes right from the start, and let him get to know the real you, and how amazing you are! If he doesn’t like you for who you are, or if you don’t have anything in common, he’s not a good fit for you anyway! Don’t sweat it. You can have your pick of men, and your perfect match may be just around the corner waiting to have an instant connection with you!

If your new acquaintance doesn’t heed this advice, cut him some slack if he makes a less than stellar first impression. Nerves can get the best of him too, and there may be a great guy hidden beneath all that narcissistic, insecure rambling. Now if he still makes it all about him when you meet again, that’s a whole ‘nother story!

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8 Questions ALL Men Would Like Women to Answer

Gregg here today! Ladies, there are questions all men would like women to answer. I hope I don’t come across as sexist, but these are burning questions men have but, if we work together, I think you can clue us in!

Please choose which you’d like to answer and put your response in the comments (or answer them all!) I’m on pins and needles!

Why so many pairs of shoes?

Ten seems sufficient. Twenty? Thirty? Fifty and sometimes over one hundred? Why? Are you covering up something in your personality?  Often times you won’t even wear them and yet they need to be on display for all to see.

The toilet seat

Isn’t easier to just put down the toilet seat then squawking at us four times a day? We obviously will never learn so why not just put it down yourself?

Your hatred towards our sports teams

We just want to see our four professional teams and a few college games per week. Can’t you enjoy them with us? Instead of telling us to get off the couch, can’t you sit on the couch with us? And why not learn the rules? We will be happy to teach you using the cat laser toy!

The talk

Why must we always be asked where this relationship is headed? Why does it always have to be headed somewhere?  Can’t it just remain right where it is? I don’t know many guys who ask there girl where they are headed. Men just want to enjoy the here and now, can’t women do the same?

Over an hour to get ready?

Why? What goes on in the shower? Your bodies are smaller than ours so why does it take four times as long to get your body clean? Do you really need the ten items in the shower? Pert has a two in one shampoo and conditioner, can’t you use that? Then comes the makeup, the drying and sculpting of the hair, not to mention the clothes being changed over and over again. I was ready an hour and a half ago. Now, I just want to stay in and watch my sports.

Parallel parking

Is there a gene in your DNA which does not allow you to parallel park? You shouldn’t need to purchase a car based on its ability to park itself. Why can’t this be learned without airbag deployment?

Over texting

Why are women’s texts the length of the Gettysburg address? Just tell us that you will be over at 8:30 and end the text there. If we don’t respond, it doesn’t mean we hate you or we didn’t get the text, it means, “OK, see you then.” We are not breaking up. If we are forced to send back a response, let it be one smiley face and leave it at that.

Orgasms

Now this one might not be your fault but why does it take an owner’s manual, three baby goats, and a jester to make you reach an orgasm? Are we that bad in bed? Can’t we just get off more times than you and call it even? Why does it need to be equal? We can look at a glass of milk and have an orgasm – this is not our fault.

Answer these eight questions, and we will change our ways forever! OK, I lied – we’re incapable of change. Just please don’t ask us eight questions back – that wouldn’t be fair!

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Are You Ready for a Relationship?

There are many reasons you may be ready for a relationship – or not. Age, recent relationship failures, abuse or a host of other things in your past may be playing a role. Unfortunately, due to some basic urges and needs we all have, we never consider this question before we enter into a new relationship. The sad thing is that you could find Mr. Right, but you’re Ms. Wrong because you’re just not ready.

It’s Kirbie today and in this three-part series, we’re going to examine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Next week, we will look at whether or not he is ready. I’ll give you some subtle things you can look for to help you figure it out. Finally, we’ll wrap it up with some tips on getting yourself ready for a relationship.

You’ve Given up the Party Every Night Lifestyle

Having fun is great – in fact, it’s essential to take time to have fun. The problem is when you party too much or too often. Regardless of your age, you should not be partying to a point where you don’t remember how you got home. Nor, should you be spending every waking hour partying. Going to a bar once in a while to hang out with your friends or inviting them over for a glass of wine is fine. Having the bartender know your favorite beer and how many to have ready for you per hour is a problem.

You Have Direction

In order to be ready for a relationship, you need to be able to face life head-on and have some goals. What career path are you following or planning to follow? Where do you want to live? What type of home do you want to have? Do you want to travel? Do you want children? If you’re older, do you want to date someone with younger children, or have more children with a new guy? Do you want to relocate? You need to know all of these things in order to know what type of man you should target.

You Have Your Act Together

Gregg talks about this a lot in his dating advice best seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, so I won’t drone on about it because you’ve surely already read it. Having your act together means you not only have direction, but you have a life of your own. You have found some things you enjoy doing, and you have friends with whom you do them. You are living within your means and either have, or are building a solid financial base for yourself.

This also means that you know what your values are. You have an opinion about things like spirituality, politics, work ethics, money, how you treat others, and a host of other things. Again, these things will help you figure out what type of man you should be pursuing because his value system will be very similar to yours.

You Value the Opinions of Others

When you are a confident woman who is ready for a relationship, you have the ability to not only hear the opinions of others, but to value their side, whether or not you agree. This is also important because it means you have world experiences that have provided you with those opinions.

Nothing turns a guy off faster than for you to giggle and say “Gee, I dunno” when he says “What do you think of [insert random topic here]”. I’m not telling you that you need to become some sort of information savant, I’m saying stay tuned into things going on around you. Think about things you hear about in the news and form an educated opinion. Take an interest in life.

For example, even if you don’t like football, you can still say something intelligent. He may ask, “What did you think of that Patriots win last weekend?” Now, if I were to be asked that question, I’d say something like “Well, it was better to watch that than the awful beating my Steelers took!” BAM. BUT, I’m a huge sports fan, let’s get back to you – and you’re not so saying something like “Well, I didn’t see the game myself, but I saw the score – impressive!” will at least keep you out of trouble. I mean, come on-you can see that stuff on Facebook!

After you feed him a happy sports tidbit, steer the conversation to something you can speak more about, like “I saw a great piece on hiking in the Smokey’s last week. Do you enjoy hiking?”

You Put the Interests of Others before Your Own

This is a biggie. Too many people in relationships are only looking out for themselves. It’s immature, and it screams, “I lack confidence”. If you’re in a great relationship, you’re always looking out for one another. You’ve got his back and he has yours. I’m not saying you need to dote on him day and night – so don’t take my words in that way. You then run the risk of making him your hobby, and, again – you’ve read Gregg’s books, so you already know this is a no-no.

Here’s an example: you let him go golfing with his buddies on a Saturday morning, rather than whine about the lawn needing to be mowed. Take that time and do something you enjoy. If you really want to drive him nuts, head out just before he is due to leave, wearing an outfit he has admired in the past, and say something like “See ya when you get home, Honey. I’m going to spend the morning with Victoria looking for a new gym to join.”

He’ll be home from golf as soon as the game is over, and he’ll be wondering all morning what you’re up to. He’ll also be pretty likely to get that lawn mowed before the weekend ends (and isn’t that what you wanted him to do in the first place?).

Here are a few more signs you are ready:

You’re not always trying to ‘fix’ him
You understand the importance of communication
You don’t need him to ‘complete’ you
You understand what has caused your past relationships to fail
You think you are worthy of a good man
Your main goal in life every day is to avoid, not stir up, drama

In part 2 of this series, we will examine how to determine whether or not your guy is ready for a relationship, without being obvious about it.

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Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress

Going on a first date is kind of a big deal! Will I like him? How about his personality? Will it go well or be a complete waste of time? What will we talk about? And most importantly, what will I wear?! For most, first dates are very stressful, but if you follow these tips, you could have fun on a first date instead! It’s Tiffany and I’ve got some things for you to take to heart before your next first date.

Getting to know someone new, especially someone you are attracted to, can be a daunting task! You keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. You pray this first date will be better than your last date, which was just crappy. But, having the right frame of mind going into it can make a huge difference in how the date goes, weather he’s a keeper or another dud. Let’s review a few tips which will start your date off on the right foot — whether you decide to wear flats, or stilettos!

Key #1: Take the Pressure Off

If you are like most women, you stress about a first date for days. When it’s finally time to start getting ready, you get serious jitters. In his relationship advice, Gregg always body language says just as much as words, so be careful not to let nerves get the better of you. Confidence is attractive! Good conversation will flow naturally if you are comfortable. A genuine smile right off the bat always helps make a good first impression.

Even if he’s not “the one” for you, you can still have a great time and maybe make a new friend. When you take the pressure to impress off the table, things will go more smoothly for everyone. Remember, he’s in the same first date boat as you! If he feels at ease around you, he may just fall in love with you!

Key #2: Be Your Authentic Self

When going on a first date, and in life, it’s important to be your authentic self.

Don’t change your personality or the way you dress because you think it will impress a guy
Don’t say you love skydiving as much as he does if you’re afraid of heights
Don’t show up in a sexy dress covered in bling if you’re a jeans and cute t-shirts kind of girl
Wear something comfortable something which best represents your own personal style

Let him get to know the real you, your interests, your likes and dislikes, even if they are different from his. How will you know if you are a good fit for each other if you are not honest from the get-go? It’s like false advertising. In the end, you will both be disappointed.

Key #3: Have the Right Mindset

Stop wondering if he could be “the one”. Don’t immediately consider whether or not you see yourself myself marrying this guy. Start focusing on how nice it is to get to know someone new and leave it at that. This is a first date and there is no rush, so ditch the checklist and keep an open mind. You might be pleasantly surprised to see sparks flying as you learn more about him, even if he doesn’t initially fit the mold you’ve created in your mind for the perfect man. Maybe you will never see this person again, and that’s okay too. At the least, you will walk away knowing a little more about yourself and what you want and don’t want. Going on a first date with a positive mindset means it won’t matter if it things don’t work out, and you won’t leave feeling discouraged.

First dates can actually be fun instead of stressful! Leave all your terrible first dates in the past, and take these three keys to heart going forward. Even if he’s not Mr. Right, when the next first date opportunity presents itself, go for it again!  Maybe this time the first date will lead to a second, or a goodnight kiss, or maybe even happily ever after!

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Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply!

WANTED: Attractive girl willing to be mother/martyr to a jobless jerk with junker car and no interest in changing my bad habits. Don’t clean, don’t cook, don’t care – just kicked out of my mother’s house and need to find a home for me and my basement full of Star Wars collectibles. Willing to tattoo your name to my list of “I love ____” on my biceps but draw the line at actual commitment beyond being able to use your credit cards. Allergic to your pets and friends but you’ll have plenty of company taking care of mine when you’re not fulfilling my sexual fantasies or cleaning up after me. Text me at XXXX and I’ll tell you when and where to pick me up.

Is this an ad from the man of your dreams? If the guy you’re with wrote an honest ad, would this be how it read? I know most of my books talk about how to get a guy, keep a guy, or get him back, but there are times when you need to know when to get rid of him.

Just because you’re with him – or want to be – doesn’t mean you should. I hear from so many women who are carrying all the weight of their relationship, and if they let go, there wouldn’t be one. If you are lonely, tired, and your best day was before you got into this relationship, take yourself out to a cool coffee or tea bar with this list of questions.

But first, the non-negotiables: addictive, angry, or abusive guys have no business being part of your long-term plans. You’ll want professional help in getting rid of him though, because they won’t let go of someone who enables their bad behavior without a fight.

Ask yourself these questions:

Is he meeting my needs? Does he even know (or care) what they are?
Does he treat me with respect, or am I the “old ball and chain”?
Does he like my friends? Do they like him? Do I like his? Does he even have any?
If there’s a conflict with his family or friends, does he ever take my side or is it always them?
Does he remember important dates? Does he remember with flowers or a heavy sigh and tales of when he was single and happy?
Can he laugh at himself? Can I laugh at him? Do we ever laugh together?
Do our goals align? Kids? College? Career? City condo or country house?
Do we have the same views on handling money?
When we don’t agree on something, can we work out a compromise that we can both live with, or am I usually expected to give in?
Are our religions compatible?
Do I trust him? How does he drive when I’m in the car?
If we’re at a restaurant and the food arrives cold, how does he handle it?

If you’re getting a whole bunch of no’s, then tune in to my next article for how and where to say see you later, sayonara, chow baby, I’m outta here.

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What Makes a Guy Pull Away? Keep Your Guy from Getting Spooked!

It’s an age-old question – what makes a guy pull away from what seems to be a great relationship? Here is some insight about why your guy may have a fear of commitment, and how NOT to lose a guy, from guest contributor, Tiffany.

Things may start off hot and heavy, he may genuinely seem into you. You spend more and more time together, and then…things get real. The fact is REAL feelings scare some guys. The thought of being with one woman for the rest of his life starts to stir and he goes into panic mode. His bachelorhood is threatened and he begins to worry about losing all his freedom, all his friends, and all his money. He most likely want’s a commitment, he just doesn’t know it yet. It’s up to you to ease his fears and neutralize the situation before he pulls away. What can you do?

Keep your own social network
Encourage him to make time for his own friends
Offer to pay for your own meal or pick up the tab once in a while
Don’t smother him

You never want to chase a guy, and you should never focus all your energy on him. Instead, focus on yourself and pursue your own interests outside of the relationship, and let him chase you. I’m not saying don’t put effort into the relationship. Enjoy your time together, be there for him when it counts, but give him some space when he needs it.

Understand How Men Love

In To Date a man, You Must Understand a Man, Gregg tells us men and women express love in different ways. Women ooze love and wear our hearts on the outside. He isn’t, nor can you force him to be, the same way. It’s not in his nature. Once you understand how a man loves – once you understand the difference – you will no longer worry about the relationship and whether or not he wants to be with you.

When women worry, we go into a panic mode of our own. We become more emotional and more needy, which only causes a greater divide. Pushing him to say he loves you ten times a day may only push him further away. Instead, let him show you his love. Does he want to please you? Not just in the bedroom, but with little things, like bringing you coffee in the morning, or offering to fix the leg on your antique kitchen table? Is he protective of you? Is he generous and thoughtful? Has he introduced you to his friends or family? Chivalry can be faked, but these things cannot. These things tell you he loves you and that he wants you to be a part of his life.

Stop The Smothering

Have you seen the movie, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Kate Hudson’s character is a magazine writer who purposefully does everything in her power to drive Matthew McConaughey away using the classic mistakes women make for the sake of a good article. We all know they are perfect together, and by the time she realizes it, he’s already running in the opposite direction. We want to yell at the screen, and tell her to stop acting so obviously crazy before it’s too late, while we are probably guilty of some of the same offenses and we just can’t see it. Sure, it’s just a fictional story, a romantic comedy that thankfully has a happy ending, but if we want our own happy ending, we need to stop the smothering. If you come on too strong too fast, acting overly possessive and overly sensitive, don’t be surprised if your guy pulls away. Think like a guy and play it cool. And let him miss you once in a while.

The Sex Factor

Things may be hot and heavy at first, but one day things go from sex to making love, and he may start to wonder, is she the one? Sadly, guys are wired to want to spread their seed with as many women as possible. The thought of never “doing it” with another woman besides you may freak him out — at first. Help him get past his fears by making him want to have sex with only you. Show him your wild side by mixing things up one night, and then make him wait a few days. He will only want you more.

Remember to keep cool and confident in the face of any set backs. When he realizes he really loves you, he’ll stop being spooked by commitment and he may even ask you to be his wife. The fear of not sharing his life with you will be way scarier than his insecurities. You just need to play your cards right.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.

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Why Relationships Fail

It’s time to lay this subject out on the line and get some hate mail. Over and over, I get emails asking why things have gone downhill after six months or after the dreaded three year anniversary.

I hear this:

The sex has dropped off to never
He doesn’t get off the couch
She walks around in her sweats all day and talks to her girlfriends 24/7
He just wants to be with his friends
She hates my family and my friends
And on and on

The word here is contempt and it builds up big-time when couples fail to do the things necessary to keep the relationship alive. Contempt is like a cancer that sits in the corner of everyone’s bedroom waiting for its moment to pounce. It slowly poisons each individual until it, like our national debt, is a train that can’t be stopped.

How do we keep contempt out of the love equation?

One word – responsibility. Each partner needs to take responsibility for his or her actions each and every day.

Guys
Work on the bod

Let’s face it, a man’s body is not always a thing of beauty, especially, when let go. The hair, the gut, the love handles, oh my! Drive past the golden arches once in a while or do a friggin’ sit up or two to lose that gut. Don’t whine to me/her that she won’t go down on you anymore because she is turning into a prude – maybe it’s your floppy spare tire that disgusts her.

Give a crap

Ask her about her day when you get together or she comes home. Listen for once in your life and ask questions. You are dating her because she is interesting – she still is! It’s you who has stopped looking for her interests.

Ask her out

Do you remember how that works? Ask her out on real date. Pick her up, open the door and hold her hand. Look into her eyes and show her that you can be romantic again.

Ladies
Get decked out for him

Don’t just get decked out when you are headed off to work or to meet up with your girlfriends for a drink. That screams, “She doesn’t give a crap how she looks around me anymore” to a guy. Give him that wow moment every now and then so he can get excited again, like he did when he first met you.

Take interest in his hobbies

If he is working on his ‘67 Camaro, instead of going shoe shopping, go out to the garage and ask him a few questions, even if you don’t know a thing about cars. Learn a few things about them. He will welcome you into the garage so he can show off what he knows and the horsepower he owns.

Take the lead

Be the first to break the cycle and set an example. Don’t just sit there and accuse him of not giving a hoot, start to care again first and he may very well follow. Guys are stubborn! Be the grown-up and make the first move. If he doesn’t follow, maybe it’s time to dump him!

Stop being a victim, man-up (or woman-up) and take responsibility for what you are doing wrong in the relationship before it fails. The two of you were great once, remember? Remember, those great memories?  Ask yourself – what has changed?  Something has, and it probably goes back to something both of you are doing!

Thank you for letting me vent – I’m now ready for your hate mail.

The post Why Relationships Fail appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

Hi Ladies! This next article is part cautionary tale, part good advice, from our guest contributor Jen (printed with her permission)….

My name is Jen, and I had this friend growing up who always lived in the shadow of her older sister. They were both equally pretty and equally smart, but somehow, the older sister had all the confidence, while the younger sister had none. True to form, the older sister was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian in high school, and after graduation she left our small town for college in the big city. She now has a doctorate degree, married a professional athlete, and lives in a gorgeous house on the west coast with their two children.

The younger sister went to college closer to home, and after she got her undergrad degree, her famous brother-in-law set her up with a job as a personal assistant to one of his even more famous friends. I found out after the fact that she quickly started sleeping with her movie star boss…. who was much older – and married by the way. Obviously, the movie star’s wife left him because – well – he was a cheater.

Fast-forward ten years. The younger sister is still single. Sure, she dated quite a few guys since the affair, but nothing seemed to stick. The movie star, on the other hand, is remarried — to a much younger woman who looks strikingly similar to my friend. They have a baby on the way. On paper, the two women were interchangeable, but there was something one had that the other didn’t. Why did the movie star marry someone who could be my friend’s doppelgänger? And why did the life of the older sister take such a different path?

I guess you can chalk it all up to one thing — confidence. It’s pretty hard to get the guy if you don’t have it. Sleeping with a married man who is also your boss does not scream, in the words of Gregg Michaelsen, “Hey, I’m a quality woman who deserves respect!” She had so much to offer and sadly, she just gave it away.

This brings us to rule #1. Whether you’re dating a celebrity or a regular Joe, you’re not a challenge if you sleep with him right away. And guys like a challenge. He probably won’t see you as wife material either (even if you are). Your grandma’s advice may actually have some truth to it. He won’t buy the cow if he gets the milk for free, and if you’re not a girl he can bring home to his Mama, he won’t. On the flip side, remember you are the chooser, so own it and choose wisely. A quality woman deserves a quality man, not someone else’s cheating husband (even if he is rich and famous)!

Rule #2 is all about appearances. Sure, wearing your favorite dress makes you feel beautiful, and that can give you a boost in confidence. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever noticed a very pretty girl sitting alone at a bar, while all the guys pay attention to her less pretty friend? Confidence is attractive! Not only does she have interesting things to say, but her poses, posture, and mannerisms are also conveying a message. You can tell a lot about a person in how they carry themselves, and body language speaks volumes! If you stand up straight, look people in the eye and flash a genuine smile, guys will notice.

The third and last rule is all about what’s inside. If you feel comfortable, it will show in the same way insecurities do. Don’t worry about impressing people, and be true to yourself. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not worth your time and effort. When you stop worrying and stop trying so hard, you may just stumble across the perfect guy for you — someone who will love you unconditionally, insecurities and all.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.