Gregg Michaelsen's Blog, page 22

Are You Ready for a Relationship?

There are many reasons you may be ready for a relationship – or not. Age, recent relationship failures, abuse or a host of other things in your past may be playing a role. Unfortunately, due to some basic urges and needs we all have, we never consider this question before we enter into a new relationship. The sad thing is that you could find Mr. Right, but you’re Ms. Wrong because you’re just not ready.

It’s Kirbie today and in this three-part series, we’re going to examine whether or not you’re ready for a relationship. Next week, we will look at whether or not he is ready. I’ll give you some subtle things you can look for to help you figure it out. Finally, we’ll wrap it up with some tips on getting yourself ready for a relationship.

You’ve Given up the Party Every Night Lifestyle

Having fun is great – in fact, it’s essential to take time to have fun. The problem is when you party too much or too often. Regardless of your age, you should not be partying to a point where you don’t remember how you got home. Nor, should you be spending every waking hour partying. Going to a bar once in a while to hang out with your friends or inviting them over for a glass of wine is fine. Having the bartender know your favorite beer and how many to have ready for you per hour is a problem.

You Have Direction

In order to be ready for a relationship, you need to be able to face life head-on and have some goals. What career path are you following or planning to follow? Where do you want to live? What type of home do you want to have? Do you want to travel? Do you want children? If you’re older, do you want to date someone with younger children, or have more children with a new guy? Do you want to relocate? You need to know all of these things in order to know what type of man you should target.

You Have Your Act Together

Gregg talks about this a lot in his dating advice best seller, To Date a Man, You Must Understand Yourself, so I won’t drone on about it because you’ve surely already read it. Having your act together means you not only have direction, but you have a life of your own. You have found some things you enjoy doing, and you have friends with whom you do them. You are living within your means and either have, or are building a solid financial base for yourself.

This also means that you know what your values are. You have an opinion about things like spirituality, politics, work ethics, money, how you treat others, and a host of other things. Again, these things will help you figure out what type of man you should be pursuing because his value system will be very similar to yours.

You Value the Opinions of Others

When you are a confident woman who is ready for a relationship, you have the ability to not only hear the opinions of others, but to value their side, whether or not you agree. This is also important because it means you have world experiences that have provided you with those opinions.

Nothing turns a guy off faster than for you to giggle and say “Gee, I dunno” when he says “What do you think of [insert random topic here]”. I’m not telling you that you need to become some sort of information savant, I’m saying stay tuned into things going on around you. Think about things you hear about in the news and form an educated opinion. Take an interest in life.

For example, even if you don’t like football, you can still say something intelligent. He may ask, “What did you think of that Patriots win last weekend?” Now, if I were to be asked that question, I’d say something like “Well, it was better to watch that than the awful beating my Steelers took!” BAM. BUT, I’m a huge sports fan, let’s get back to you – and you’re not so saying something like “Well, I didn’t see the game myself, but I saw the score – impressive!” will at least keep you out of trouble. I mean, come on-you can see that stuff on Facebook!

After you feed him a happy sports tidbit, steer the conversation to something you can speak more about, like “I saw a great piece on hiking in the Smokey’s last week. Do you enjoy hiking?”

You Put the Interests of Others before Your Own

This is a biggie. Too many people in relationships are only looking out for themselves. It’s immature, and it screams, “I lack confidence”. If you’re in a great relationship, you’re always looking out for one another. You’ve got his back and he has yours. I’m not saying you need to dote on him day and night – so don’t take my words in that way. You then run the risk of making him your hobby, and, again – you’ve read Gregg’s books, so you already know this is a no-no.

Here’s an example: you let him go golfing with his buddies on a Saturday morning, rather than whine about the lawn needing to be mowed. Take that time and do something you enjoy. If you really want to drive him nuts, head out just before he is due to leave, wearing an outfit he has admired in the past, and say something like “See ya when you get home, Honey. I’m going to spend the morning with Victoria looking for a new gym to join.”

He’ll be home from golf as soon as the game is over, and he’ll be wondering all morning what you’re up to. He’ll also be pretty likely to get that lawn mowed before the weekend ends (and isn’t that what you wanted him to do in the first place?).

Here are a few more signs you are ready:

You’re not always trying to ‘fix’ him
You understand the importance of communication
You don’t need him to ‘complete’ you
You understand what has caused your past relationships to fail
You think you are worthy of a good man
Your main goal in life every day is to avoid, not stir up, drama

In part 2 of this series, we will examine how to determine whether or not your guy is ready for a relationship, without being obvious about it.

The post Are You Ready for a Relationship? appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress

Going on a first date is kind of a big deal! Will I like him? How about his personality? Will it go well or be a complete waste of time? What will we talk about? And most importantly, what will I wear?! For most, first dates are very stressful, but if you follow these tips, you could have fun on a first date instead! It’s Tiffany and I’ve got some things for you to take to heart before your next first date.

Getting to know someone new, especially someone you are attracted to, can be a daunting task! You keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. You pray this first date will be better than your last date, which was just crappy. But, having the right frame of mind going into it can make a huge difference in how the date goes, weather he’s a keeper or another dud. Let’s review a few tips which will start your date off on the right foot — whether you decide to wear flats, or stilettos!

Key #1: Take the Pressure Off

If you are like most women, you stress about a first date for days. When it’s finally time to start getting ready, you get serious jitters. In his relationship advice, Gregg always body language says just as much as words, so be careful not to let nerves get the better of you. Confidence is attractive! Good conversation will flow naturally if you are comfortable. A genuine smile right off the bat always helps make a good first impression.

Even if he’s not “the one” for you, you can still have a great time and maybe make a new friend. When you take the pressure to impress off the table, things will go more smoothly for everyone. Remember, he’s in the same first date boat as you! If he feels at ease around you, he may just fall in love with you!

Key #2: Be Your Authentic Self

When going on a first date, and in life, it’s important to be your authentic self.

Don’t change your personality or the way you dress because you think it will impress a guy
Don’t say you love skydiving as much as he does if you’re afraid of heights
Don’t show up in a sexy dress covered in bling if you’re a jeans and cute t-shirts kind of girl
Wear something comfortable something which best represents your own personal style

Let him get to know the real you, your interests, your likes and dislikes, even if they are different from his. How will you know if you are a good fit for each other if you are not honest from the get-go? It’s like false advertising. In the end, you will both be disappointed.

Key #3: Have the Right Mindset

Stop wondering if he could be “the one”. Don’t immediately consider whether or not you see yourself myself marrying this guy. Start focusing on how nice it is to get to know someone new and leave it at that. This is a first date and there is no rush, so ditch the checklist and keep an open mind. You might be pleasantly surprised to see sparks flying as you learn more about him, even if he doesn’t initially fit the mold you’ve created in your mind for the perfect man. Maybe you will never see this person again, and that’s okay too. At the least, you will walk away knowing a little more about yourself and what you want and don’t want. Going on a first date with a positive mindset means it won’t matter if it things don’t work out, and you won’t leave feeling discouraged.

First dates can actually be fun instead of stressful! Leave all your terrible first dates in the past, and take these three keys to heart going forward. Even if he’s not Mr. Right, when the next first date opportunity presents itself, go for it again!  Maybe this time the first date will lead to a second, or a goodnight kiss, or maybe even happily ever after!

The post Going on a First Date? 3 Keys to Eliminating the Stress appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply!

WANTED: Attractive girl willing to be mother/martyr to a jobless jerk with junker car and no interest in changing my bad habits. Don’t clean, don’t cook, don’t care – just kicked out of my mother’s house and need to find a home for me and my basement full of Star Wars collectibles. Willing to tattoo your name to my list of “I love ____” on my biceps but draw the line at actual commitment beyond being able to use your credit cards. Allergic to your pets and friends but you’ll have plenty of company taking care of mine when you’re not fulfilling my sexual fantasies or cleaning up after me. Text me at XXXX and I’ll tell you when and where to pick me up.

Is this an ad from the man of your dreams? If the guy you’re with wrote an honest ad, would this be how it read? I know most of my books talk about how to get a guy, keep a guy, or get him back, but there are times when you need to know when to get rid of him.

Just because you’re with him – or want to be – doesn’t mean you should. I hear from so many women who are carrying all the weight of their relationship, and if they let go, there wouldn’t be one. If you are lonely, tired, and your best day was before you got into this relationship, take yourself out to a cool coffee or tea bar with this list of questions.

But first, the non-negotiables: addictive, angry, or abusive guys have no business being part of your long-term plans. You’ll want professional help in getting rid of him though, because they won’t let go of someone who enables their bad behavior without a fight.

Ask yourself these questions:

Is he meeting my needs? Does he even know (or care) what they are?
Does he treat me with respect, or am I the “old ball and chain”?
Does he like my friends? Do they like him? Do I like his? Does he even have any?
If there’s a conflict with his family or friends, does he ever take my side or is it always them?
Does he remember important dates? Does he remember with flowers or a heavy sigh and tales of when he was single and happy?
Can he laugh at himself? Can I laugh at him? Do we ever laugh together?
Do our goals align? Kids? College? Career? City condo or country house?
Do we have the same views on handling money?
When we don’t agree on something, can we work out a compromise that we can both live with, or am I usually expected to give in?
Are our religions compatible?
Do I trust him? How does he drive when I’m in the car?
If we’re at a restaurant and the food arrives cold, how does he handle it?

If you’re getting a whole bunch of no’s, then tune in to my next article for how and where to say see you later, sayonara, chow baby, I’m outta here.

The post Wanted – One Great Guy – Losers Need Not Apply! appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

What Makes a Guy Pull Away? Keep Your Guy from Getting Spooked!

It’s an age-old question – what makes a guy pull away from what seems to be a great relationship? Here is some insight about why your guy may have a fear of commitment, and how NOT to lose a guy, from guest contributor, Tiffany.

Things may start off hot and heavy, he may genuinely seem into you. You spend more and more time together, and then…things get real. The fact is REAL feelings scare some guys. The thought of being with one woman for the rest of his life starts to stir and he goes into panic mode. His bachelorhood is threatened and he begins to worry about losing all his freedom, all his friends, and all his money. He most likely want’s a commitment, he just doesn’t know it yet. It’s up to you to ease his fears and neutralize the situation before he pulls away. What can you do?

Keep your own social network
Encourage him to make time for his own friends
Offer to pay for your own meal or pick up the tab once in a while
Don’t smother him

You never want to chase a guy, and you should never focus all your energy on him. Instead, focus on yourself and pursue your own interests outside of the relationship, and let him chase you. I’m not saying don’t put effort into the relationship. Enjoy your time together, be there for him when it counts, but give him some space when he needs it.

Understand How Men Love

In To Date a man, You Must Understand a Man, Gregg tells us men and women express love in different ways. Women ooze love and wear our hearts on the outside. He isn’t, nor can you force him to be, the same way. It’s not in his nature. Once you understand how a man loves – once you understand the difference – you will no longer worry about the relationship and whether or not he wants to be with you.

When women worry, we go into a panic mode of our own. We become more emotional and more needy, which only causes a greater divide. Pushing him to say he loves you ten times a day may only push him further away. Instead, let him show you his love. Does he want to please you? Not just in the bedroom, but with little things, like bringing you coffee in the morning, or offering to fix the leg on your antique kitchen table? Is he protective of you? Is he generous and thoughtful? Has he introduced you to his friends or family? Chivalry can be faked, but these things cannot. These things tell you he loves you and that he wants you to be a part of his life.

Stop The Smothering

Have you seen the movie, How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days? Kate Hudson’s character is a magazine writer who purposefully does everything in her power to drive Matthew McConaughey away using the classic mistakes women make for the sake of a good article. We all know they are perfect together, and by the time she realizes it, he’s already running in the opposite direction. We want to yell at the screen, and tell her to stop acting so obviously crazy before it’s too late, while we are probably guilty of some of the same offenses and we just can’t see it. Sure, it’s just a fictional story, a romantic comedy that thankfully has a happy ending, but if we want our own happy ending, we need to stop the smothering. If you come on too strong too fast, acting overly possessive and overly sensitive, don’t be surprised if your guy pulls away. Think like a guy and play it cool. And let him miss you once in a while.

The Sex Factor

Things may be hot and heavy at first, but one day things go from sex to making love, and he may start to wonder, is she the one? Sadly, guys are wired to want to spread their seed with as many women as possible. The thought of never “doing it” with another woman besides you may freak him out — at first. Help him get past his fears by making him want to have sex with only you. Show him your wild side by mixing things up one night, and then make him wait a few days. He will only want you more.

Remember to keep cool and confident in the face of any set backs. When he realizes he really loves you, he’ll stop being spooked by commitment and he may even ask you to be his wife. The fear of not sharing his life with you will be way scarier than his insecurities. You just need to play your cards right.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.

See larger image


To Date a Man You Must Understand a Man




Kindle Edition:
Check Amazon for Pricing Digital Only

The post What Makes a Guy Pull Away? Keep Your Guy from Getting Spooked! appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

Why Relationships Fail

It’s time to lay this subject out on the line and get some hate mail. Over and over, I get emails asking why things have gone downhill after six months or after the dreaded three year anniversary.

I hear this:

The sex has dropped off to never
He doesn’t get off the couch
She walks around in her sweats all day and talks to her girlfriends 24/7
He just wants to be with his friends
She hates my family and my friends
And on and on

The word here is contempt and it builds up big-time when couples fail to do the things necessary to keep the relationship alive. Contempt is like a cancer that sits in the corner of everyone’s bedroom waiting for its moment to pounce. It slowly poisons each individual until it, like our national debt, is a train that can’t be stopped.

How do we keep contempt out of the love equation?

One word – responsibility. Each partner needs to take responsibility for his or her actions each and every day.

Guys
Work on the bod

Let’s face it, a man’s body is not always a thing of beauty, especially, when let go. The hair, the gut, the love handles, oh my! Drive past the golden arches once in a while or do a friggin’ sit up or two to lose that gut. Don’t whine to me/her that she won’t go down on you anymore because she is turning into a prude – maybe it’s your floppy spare tire that disgusts her.

Give a crap

Ask her about her day when you get together or she comes home. Listen for once in your life and ask questions. You are dating her because she is interesting – she still is! It’s you who has stopped looking for her interests.

Ask her out

Do you remember how that works? Ask her out on real date. Pick her up, open the door and hold her hand. Look into her eyes and show her that you can be romantic again.

Ladies
Get decked out for him

Don’t just get decked out when you are headed off to work or to meet up with your girlfriends for a drink. That screams, “She doesn’t give a crap how she looks around me anymore” to a guy. Give him that wow moment every now and then so he can get excited again, like he did when he first met you.

Take interest in his hobbies

If he is working on his ‘67 Camaro, instead of going shoe shopping, go out to the garage and ask him a few questions, even if you don’t know a thing about cars. Learn a few things about them. He will welcome you into the garage so he can show off what he knows and the horsepower he owns.

Take the lead

Be the first to break the cycle and set an example. Don’t just sit there and accuse him of not giving a hoot, start to care again first and he may very well follow. Guys are stubborn! Be the grown-up and make the first move. If he doesn’t follow, maybe it’s time to dump him!

Stop being a victim, man-up (or woman-up) and take responsibility for what you are doing wrong in the relationship before it fails. The two of you were great once, remember? Remember, those great memories?  Ask yourself – what has changed?  Something has, and it probably goes back to something both of you are doing!

Thank you for letting me vent – I’m now ready for your hate mail.

The post Why Relationships Fail appeared first on Who Holds the Cards Now.

3 Simple Rules To Help Women Exude Confidence (and Get the Guy)

Hi Ladies! This next article is part cautionary tale, part good advice, from our guest contributor Jen (printed with her permission)….

My name is Jen, and I had this friend growing up who always lived in the shadow of her older sister. They were both equally pretty and equally smart, but somehow, the older sister had all the confidence, while the younger sister had none. True to form, the older sister was head cheerleader, Homecoming Queen, and Valedictorian in high school, and after graduation she left our small town for college in the big city. She now has a doctorate degree, married a professional athlete, and lives in a gorgeous house on the west coast with their two children.

The younger sister went to college closer to home, and after she got her undergrad degree, her famous brother-in-law set her up with a job as a personal assistant to one of his even more famous friends. I found out after the fact that she quickly started sleeping with her movie star boss…. who was much older – and married by the way. Obviously, the movie star’s wife left him because – well – he was a cheater.

Fast-forward ten years. The younger sister is still single. Sure, she dated quite a few guys since the affair, but nothing seemed to stick. The movie star, on the other hand, is remarried — to a much younger woman who looks strikingly similar to my friend. They have a baby on the way. On paper, the two women were interchangeable, but there was something one had that the other didn’t. Why did the movie star marry someone who could be my friend’s doppelgänger? And why did the life of the older sister take such a different path?

I guess you can chalk it all up to one thing — confidence. It’s pretty hard to get the guy if you don’t have it. Sleeping with a married man who is also your boss does not scream, in the words of Gregg Michaelsen, “Hey, I’m a quality woman who deserves respect!” She had so much to offer and sadly, she just gave it away.

This brings us to rule #1. Whether you’re dating a celebrity or a regular Joe, you’re not a challenge if you sleep with him right away. And guys like a challenge. He probably won’t see you as wife material either (even if you are). Your grandma’s advice may actually have some truth to it. He won’t buy the cow if he gets the milk for free, and if you’re not a girl he can bring home to his Mama, he won’t. On the flip side, remember you are the chooser, so own it and choose wisely. A quality woman deserves a quality man, not someone else’s cheating husband (even if he is rich and famous)!

Rule #2 is all about appearances. Sure, wearing your favorite dress makes you feel beautiful, and that can give you a boost in confidence. But it goes beyond that. Have you ever noticed a very pretty girl sitting alone at a bar, while all the guys pay attention to her less pretty friend? Confidence is attractive! Not only does she have interesting things to say, but her poses, posture, and mannerisms are also conveying a message. You can tell a lot about a person in how they carry themselves, and body language speaks volumes! If you stand up straight, look people in the eye and flash a genuine smile, guys will notice.

The third and last rule is all about what’s inside. If you feel comfortable, it will show in the same way insecurities do. Don’t worry about impressing people, and be true to yourself. If he doesn’t love you for who you are, he’s not worth your time and effort. When you stop worrying and stop trying so hard, you may just stumble across the perfect guy for you — someone who will love you unconditionally, insecurities and all.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.

3 Tips to Keep Your Hubby from Doing the Nanny

Yo Ben, the nanny, really?

It looks like Christine Ouzounian, the nanny, has been doing a little more than watching the kids. This leads to me to this thought: why would Jennifer Garner ever hire a hot looking 28 year-old nanny to watch their three kids? Might as well shut Ben off from sex for a month, pull up to the playboy mansion, and drop him off for the weekend, blue balls and all!

On the other hand, what a brilliant move by Christine – get in with a high-end nanny service in Beverly Hills. Brilliant!

Seriously though, this should not happen so let me help you put up a firewall.

Hiring a nanny is a great idea

Ironically, hiring a nanny is a great idea. A nanny allows couples, tired from the daily grind, kids, and in-laws to get out on a Saturday night and enjoy things ‘like the old days’ for a few hours. This re-ignites their attraction and places the attention right where it should be more often – on each other.

A nanny also adds one more adult to the wolf pack, so the pressure of taking care of the kids can be more evenly divided. She can manage basic disciplinary things, only getting parents involved when things are serious.

She can do many of the jobs that are mundane, like dropping the kids at soccer practice and doing the shopping. Managing these day-to-day tasks takes the pressure off parents so they can be present for the important things.

That said, here are some rules:

Never hire a nanny more attractive than you

I will catch crap for this but it’s true. Why would you hire someone younger, with a more perky body, and long, flowing blond hair to live with you? Are you testing your husband? Why? This is not a matter of jealousy or honesty, this is just common sense. Men are still men, and they have weak moments and make mistakes. Tell me this, would you have a thoughts of doing your nanny if he was a Chippendale? You would be lying to me if you said no.

Rotate Nannies

Personally, I don’t want a nanny getting to close to my kids. There is a precious bond that all dads and moms have with their children. If you’re not creating this bond, you may need to reassess your priorities. I think parents can become too busy with careers and they forget what really matters. By rotating nannies, you get the best of both worlds without the kids getting too attached to any single one.

Hire Older Nannies

28? No. I want a nanny who is older. I want a woman who is not going to invite her Tinder date over and do him in my infinity pool while the kids are playing with fireworks in the road. I also want a woman who has experience with kids so they are aware of how kids can misbehave – like playing with M-80’s in the street, if given the chance.

So Ben and Jenn, take advice from a top Boston dating coach – get your nanny shit together!

Is “The List” Really the Right List?

We all have “the list” – you know – the list of things we want and don’t want in our partners. Hi all, Kirbie today and I wanted to share with you why you may want to re-evaluate “the list”.

First, I’ll share with you my list:

Educated (at least some college, preferably graduated)
A true gentleman – you know, opens doors and that sort of thing
Lives in my town – I don’t want to relocate
Not obese
Belongs to certain ethnic groups
Is not a couch potato
Someone who doesn’t have young children
No motorcycles
Shares my religious beliefs

Those are the basics – but how many of them should I really hang on to when I look at potential suitors?

The key is to stay away from the “always or never syndrome”. It goes something like this – “I would never date someone who didn’t graduate from college!” Why? Truly, I could give some on this one, but my experience with men (limited as it is) tells me that I relate better to men who have at least attended college – I don’t know why – and yes, I have dated men who did not – I’m still single. Of course, I have dated men who did go to college and I’m still single – so that one might not be as important as I think. What is more important to me is that he’s not a slacker. I was raised to believe that means he went to college. I’m working on it, okay?

Gregg often encourages women to make a list of things you want in a boyfriend or husband, and this is a good thing to do, don’t get me wrong, but the question is are we holding too tight and fast to that list, or is the list full of the right criteria?

Generally speaking, try not to rule out things you’ve never experienced. I did once ride a motorcycle – it was a high school friend – I doubt he went over 2 miles per hour with me screaming in his ear – we were chasing my dog, who ran like a jack rabbit. I was terrified! Is that one based on real experience – maybe a little, but I was probably 17, so it might be worth a re-evaluation. It’s important not to generalize one experience to all men – good or bad.

For heaven’s sake, don’t look at someone’s income. I wish dating profiles didn’t contain this piece of information. If a man puts his income down and it’s rather high, I immediately feel like a gold-digger if I click like, even though I am definitely doing it for other reasons. How much money a man makes says nothing of his character. He could be a real jerk, or he could be a true sweetheart. His bank account won’t tell you this.

You may want a guy who comes from a ‘good family’. This is all well and good, but I know a number of men, my father included, whose family leaves a bit to be desired in the “good” category, and he is a great man, admired by many and quite successful. I know other men who fall into the same category. Give a man a chance to be better than his family. Yes, if you get married, you’re ‘stuck’ with these people, but find out how he feels about them and how he reacts to them before you make any blanket statements.

If you are contemplating dumping him because he’s not so hot in the sack, give him a break. Maybe you aren’t either – and he’s still around. The key here is that you’re not communicating. You need to gently guide him toward making your experience better, and you need to inquire about the job you’re doing. People are so embarrassed to talk about this and they’d rather go look for someone else, than open up. Just talk for Pete’s sake.

Suppose your guy has health issues – maybe even an STD. Well, forewarned is forearmed. I once dated someone with an STD. He was very open and honest about it, we took the proper precautions and I have no residual impact from dating him. I did not get his STD. For other health issues, I ask you this – what if this health issue had not come along until you were married for 10 years? Would it be cause for a divorce?

What about a guy who won’t give up Mommy – or living with the folks? Well, let me tell you that a Momma’s boy is often a man who treats women with the utmost respect. What’s so wrong with that? If he lives with his parents, it’s worth investigating the reason before immediately dismissing him. If he considers this a temporary situation – i.e. he is getting back on his feet after a divorce or he is saving up to buy a house – it might not be such a bad thing. Of course, you do want him to feel motivated to move out, but it shouldn’t be an automatic deal-breaker. As for mom – you need to see just how attached they are and decide whether or not you can deal with it. As Gregg mentions in Manimals, if you are committed to making friends with mom, you two can be a great team, both looking out for her baby.

Does your potential guy take medication for depression or anxiety? You probably think this is something worthy of cutting the cord, but I ask you to reconsider. Yes, he has some mental health issues, but so does about 10% of the population. This guy is seeking medical treatment, which many of the others are not. Give him credit for trying to work through his problem.

My point is this – yes, you should definitely have some criteria that you hold fast to, like religious beliefs and core values, but outside of that, how important are some of your criteria? Are you using these criteria to keep men away? Is this more a symptom of your fear of dating or your lack of confidence? Tell me what your criteria is – where would you be willing to compromise?

More Men! More Men! More Men! Find the Right Man by Dating Lots of Men

Hello, I’m Kirbie and I’m a data nerd. There, I said it, phew. You probably really don’t care, but what means to you is that when I am doing a Google® search for something and I see words like “survey results” or “poll” I get all warm and squishy. Recently, I found a poll on how men and women date – so that’s why you just got about 60 words on my nerdiness. The thing I found interesting in the poll, and what I want to talk about today is dating lots of men.

I was surprised, then again if I give it a second thought, not so surprised, to see that women are more likely to date more than one man at a time than a man is to date more than one woman at a time. As you may or may not know, I sometimes do coaching on Gregg’s site. Too often, I come across women who, young or “old”, have not dated many men in their lives.

If you’re like me, closer to retirement than college, you may have come from an age of going to college to get your Mrs. degree. While my generation of women was starting to go to college to actually learn a skill and have a career, that was not really the focus for all young women. I dated maybe three guys in high school, marrying one of them 2 years out of high school – and divorcing him 12 years and four children later.

That was how our class did it – many people were together consistently through high school. We were one of the few couples who married, however, as many of the others wised up. I happened to be severely lacking confidence at that point in my life, though, so I hung onto him with a tight grasp. Looking back, three guys was not very many. Even in my high school job, there was one guy and a bunch of girls – I worked in a pharmacy. In college, I was so wrapped up in this same high school boyfriend that I never even looked at other guys – okay, maybe once when I was really drunk…

So, we married and we divorced, and I was put back into the dating scene in my 30’s with 3 men under my belt, still little confidence and 4 kids. Don’t you feel like ‘and a partridge in a pear tree’ belongs here? I quickly found another guy – after all – I needed to feel loved. I latched onto him and ended up in a very bad, almost dangerous, situation that lasted for a couple of years. From there, I found another guy – also bad, and another – again – bad. Still, I can count on 6-7 fingers the number of men I’ve dated since my divorce – 20 years ago.

It’s no wonder I can’t find a quality guy. I can say that I have gone out on a few first (and only) dates, maybe 4 or 5, during that time, but at 52, I haven’t even dated more than a dozen men. I think I know what kind of guy I’d like, but do I? How can I? There are ‘types’ of men I’ve never even considered, in fact, if I look back, I’ve basically dated two distinct types of guys – the highly driven, well-educated type and the lazy, not-so-well educated type. I’ve never dated a ‘biker dude’ (mostly because of my very real fear of motorcycles), an older guy – or for that matter a younger guy, someone from another country, someone of another race, or a host of other ‘types’. I shy away from professionals like doctors, dentists and accountants, but I have dated a lawyer and my ex was an engineer.

I use this filter still to weed out men, even though, something inside me says ‘go for it fool’. Many of the women I come across through the WhoHoldsTheCards website are in the same boat. My advice to them is to date more men – and I should take my own advice – physician heal thyself. To that end, I am going to make a deal with you – you try to date more men, and I will too. It’s early August, so I have 5 months left in this year – my goal is to date 15 men during that time. Fifteen first dates at least – to test the waters, and I’m going to try out some of those types I’ve not tried before.

If you would like to join me on my quest to date more men, place a comment below and tell me how many men you’ll commit to dating over the next 5 months. We will help each other! I’ll share my stories with you as I go on, and you can too if you want! Deal?

Is He a Keeper? Four Test Dates to Find Out

Hi, Tiffany here. In To Date a man, You Must Understand a Man, Gregg says the best way to find a man’s baggage is to take him on dates that will expose EVERYTHING about him. As women, we need to look past the killer smile and the six-pack abs, and see the REAL man.

In the early stages of dating, your head may be filled with a whole mess of questions. Does he have a good job, or is he a slacker? Is he kind to others? Does he have a temper? Does he have kids, or an ex wife? Is he looking to settle down, or is he just out for a good time? Is he the possessive, jealous type? Is he being honest, or is he a habitual liar? Does he drink too much, or take drugs? Is he a player? All these thoughts running around in your brain could drive a girl crazy! But, coming right out and asking him about all this can quickly feel like more of an interview than a date. Instead of playing reporter, test your new guy with these four dates, guaranteed to set your mind at ease. Then, you can make an informed decision on whether or not he’s a keeper.

Date #1: The Meet His Friends Date

Suggest a get-together with HIS friends. You could all go grab a beer at a pub, or maybe you could host a backyard cookout, or sit in on a poker night? This is a really easy way to get some clarity when your eyes are clouded with little hearts (and big biceps). If his friends are all immature or if they are players, chances are your guy is too. Take time to talk to all his friends. If he has been lying to you all along, an accidental revelation from his close pal can be a real eye-opener.

On the other hand, if he hangs with a good group of guys, where does he stand in the pack? Do his friends have respect for him? Pay close attention to how he behaves around the guys? Does he behave differently from the man he is with you? Does he put you second when it comes to his buddies, or is he attentive and proud to show you off?

Date #2: The Meet Your Friends Date

You should make sure YOUR friends get to meet your new guy as well. Throw a small dinner party with the girls or meet up with friends at a bar or restaurant. Girlfriends have your back, and even though you may not like what they have to say, they may see something about him that you are missing – like if he’s checking out other women, or even worse, hitting on one of your friends!

Your girlfriends can also ask the tough questions for you — all those thoughts running around your brain and driving you crazy! You can even give them a specific list of things you want to know, before the get together. After all, you can’t help it if your friends are overprotective of you!

Date #3: The Too Much To Drink Date

According to Gregg, alcohol is like a man’s truth serum. But if you want to get the whole truth and nothing but, YOU need to stay completely sober! Whether you nurse one drink all night, or stick to sparkling water with a twist of citrus, go to Happy Hour and see how he acts. Alternatively, you can drop in while he’s out with the guys, after he’s already had a few drinks.

Is he a loud, rude, and/or obnoxious drunk? Is he overly grabby and behaving inappropriately or disrespectfully? Is he aggressive, picking fights with anyone and everyone? Is he embarrassing himself and acting like a complete idiot? Or worse, is he drunk ALONE? All these can be big red flags.

On the other hand, maybe he has a few too many but keeps his cool, or maybe he’s a guy who doesn’t overdo it and drinks responsibly. You won’t know for sure until you go on this date!

Date #4: The Meet His Family Date

This is last on the list since this normally would not happen until you were dating for a while. But it’s really important to see how a man treats his family, and in particular, his mother. This can be very telling. If he does not respect his own mom, chances are he will not treat any woman in his life with respect. Of course, if he is all about Mama and puts her above everyone else, including you, you may also want to think twice.

His family knows him better than anyone, so be prepared to hear embarrassing stories about his childhood. If any serious issues come to light, trust that these are the people who love him unconditionally and would not say something disparaging if it were not true. Of course, if he has a strained relationship with his family, you may need to rely on the power of female intuition to tell you what is true and what is not. Be sure to keep this in mind – tension and mistrust within a family could be another red flag.

Remember, YOU are the chooser. There are good men out there waiting to date you, and maybe you have already found one. If you are not sure about the new man in your life, take Gregg’s good advice and test your guy with these four dates.

Do you have a question for Gregg? Visit www.whoholdsthecardsnow.com and ask one question for just $25! That’s right, you can get an answer to the pesky situation you are in without full-price coaching! It’s quick, it’s private, and can help get your relationship back on its feet in no time. Gregg will personally answer your questions within 24 hours (sometimes sooner) and will provide one follow up question for clarification.