Should I Get a Boyfriend or a Dog?

I actually had a woman ask me this! We had a good laugh but then she got me thinking that there are several advantages to the dog, embarrassingly enough.

Make-up. Don’t worry about it! Fido loves you with or without makeup. He doesn’t care if your teeth are brushed or you breath smells like crap. He is just happy to have you notice him in the morning.

Cleanliness.  Fido never leaves his dirty underwear hanging around or his shirts drooped over the chair. He uses 2 dishes – 1 for water and another for food. After he poos, he licks his butt clean. Try getting your boyfriend George to do that!

Exercise. Fido walks you twice a day! Once in the morning, and once when you get home from work. Sure, you need to pick up his poo, but how is that any different from cleaning the toilet after your boyfriend and his friends let lose during a ballgame? You know he won’t clean it.

Safety. Fido will take a bullet for you, will George?

Companionship. Fido will go anywhere you want to take him. In fact, he will be sad if you leave him at home. Your boyfriend won’t want to go anywhere with you and he will happy when you leave! If you do leave, guess who is greeting you at the door with open paws? Yes, that would be your dog and not George.

Arguing. Has anyone ever gotten into an all-out argument with their dog? If they have, they need to be incarcerated. Fido is a listener. He will listen to everything you say and will even want to hear more. George says, “Yes dear”, and wants you to shut up so he can eat his potato chips and smell his own farts.

Farting. Ok, Fido farts too, and they stink, but you can fart back and he won’t care at all!

Long-term relationship. Fido will be there for you until he croaks…period! There is no, “I need my space”, “I’m having an affair” or “It’s not you, it’s me” bull happening here. This gives true meaning to “Until death do us part.”

So, after careful analysis, I think we have our answer; trade in George and get yourself a golden retriever and live happily ever after!

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