Colleen Brown's Blog, page 245

And at least I amsaying somethingthat I actually mean.

And at least I am
saying something
that I actually mean.

I hurt you without meaning to,and that is the worst kind of painthat I can ever think of putting...

I hurt you without meaning to,
and that is the worst kind of pain
that I can ever think of
putting someone through.

I’m always searching foranother meaning on theinside of your words.You write out that...

I’m always searching for

another meaning on the

inside of your words.

You write out that you

no longer love me, I take

that as an invitation

to become close again.

So I try to bring you

back to me. I put my

hands out in front of you

and beg for you to see

the scars on my skin

of where I once touched you.

You ask me if I understood

the hint; if I can say

that you have moved on,

that you are better off

without me. I take that

hint as an invitation,

one that was never supposed

to belong to me.

Sometimes I miss youeven when you arestanding right next to...

Sometimes I miss you
even when you are
standing right next to me.

I forget when you tell me that youlove me, but I remember the timethat you told me you may have...

I forget when you tell me that you
love me, but I remember the time
that you told me you may have
rushed into this too quickly.
I fall in love with someone before
I know their name, and I can also
remove someone from my mind,
almost as if they were never there
to begin with. I make love to words
more thoroughly than I can with people,
and the only way that I can feel pleasure
is through dedicated concentration.

My voice has become lostin the loud noise of my ownself-conscious thoughts.I look at myself in the...

My voice has become lost
in the loud noise of my own
self-conscious thoughts.
I look at myself in the mirror
but all I can see is a reflection
of someone who I can
no longer distinguish;
someone who I have never
wanted to come
face to face with.

Each cigarette takes six minutes away from your life, keep that in mind

I am deteriorating as the days go by. I might as well speed up the process.

When I told you that I loved you for the first time, I didn’t know that you were going to take those...

When I told you that I loved you for the first time, I didn’t know that you were going to take those words and use their meaning against me. How was I to know that you were vulnerable in that moment of good intentional truth? You think that you are able to read me like a psychic can read the future on a palm, but I am not as open as the door that you left through when you walked out on me when all I needed was the actuality of your heart. I never meant to make you feel as if I was closing in on you without your condolences. I wouldn’t have ever surrounded you with promises of a life that would be full of concentrated hope if I knew that tomorrow you would no longer see me in the light. I never thought that someone would push away love just because the one who is offering everything they have is someone who can hardly admire themselves. For so long I’ve wanted to apologize to you for being a burden on the way you see yourself today. If I knew back then what I know now about you, I wouldn’t have ever made my heart as soft as it is. And now the only thing that I have left from your affections is a misguided judgment, and second guesses that only involve myself, and the way I view effort.

There is so much truthon the inside of my heart,but you are too blindto see that what you havealways...

There is so much truth
on the inside of my heart,
but you are too blind
to see that what you have
always wanted, has been
right in front of you,
all this time.

I am afraid of opening myself up to you,because last time I tried to, you took mytruth for granted....

I am afraid of opening myself up to you,
because last time I tried to, you took my
truth for granted. And I shouldn’t be angry
that you fell in love with a girl that you thought
was able to carry the weight of the world
on the inside of her heart. Because now
that she is gone, and you are left empty
handed; with nothing to prove to anyone
that you did sacrifice most of your time
searching for the one that you could call
home. I am still where I was at two years ago,
but this time, I am not going to surrender
my thoughts to you. This time around, I am
going to make you show me that what you
have always wanted, has always been
lingering on the inside of my body.