Colleen Brown's Blog, page 249

I know that the thoughtof me moving onis slowly making your heartdeteriorate at the seams.But this...

I know that the thought
of me moving on
is slowly making your heart
deteriorate at the seams.
But this is something
that we both saw coming,
and you just can’t sit here
and tell me that my love
was never there to begin with.

The only timeyou ever seemedto want to listenwas when yourname was danglingfrom my lips.And now...

The only time
you ever seemed
to want to listen
was when your
name was dangling
from my lips.
And now that
my mouth is 
no longer capable
of telling you
what you want to hear,
my words remain unheard,
and my meaning
lingers in the air.

I still think about youfrom time to time.Thoughts of you once loving meis what seems to go throughmy...

I still think about you
from time to time.
Thoughts of you once loving me
is what seems to go through
my mind the most.
And even if you have moved on,
I can’t seem to fathom
how something you once believed in
so thoroughly, could have just disappeared;
leaving me almost as quickly
as you did when you told me
that you were just stepping outside
to help your lungs feel at ease.
But even if all this time has passed
with you still being gone,
I can’t seem to rid of these feelings
that I once had so much devotion for.
So I tell myself that I might as well
live in the memory of your absence,
because no amount of apologizes
will get you to come back home.

I should have taken you seriouslywhen you said that this would bethe last time that you were going...

I should have taken you seriously
when you said that this would be
the last time that you were going to
put up with me not giving you all
the love that you deserve.
But I didn’t believe you, and I kept on
going as if I was going to see you
tomorrow, or the next day. 
I would have never known
that when you walked out of the door
it would also mean that you were
walking out of my life.

I used to love a girlwho smoked cigaretteslike it was somethingthat her doctor prescribed.And I...

I used to love a girl
who smoked cigarettes
like it was something
that her doctor prescribed.
And I wouldn’t doubt
if she thought
that inhaling poison
would make her stronger;
able to say that if she
can live through toxic
circulating in her veins,
she can take on anything.
But even without that 
destructive stick that is
dangling on the inside
of her mouth, I am still able
to believe that she
is capable of achieving
everything.

i need to stop regretting the impulsive things that i do. mostly when i wanted to do it in the...

i need to stop regretting the impulsive things that i do. mostly when i wanted to do it in the first place. i over-think everything too much. so much to a point where i make situations up in my head that may never, and probably will never happen. mostly when it involves another person. it makes me uneasy knowing that i did something that may have been too forward, or too strange, or too just, too soon. i am so terrified of confrontation. mostly the kind where i know i’m the one at fault. it makes me feel almost hollow when someone intimidating looks me in the eyes. i hardly speak about what goes on in my mind. or anymore at least. i just write poetry and smoke cigarettes. i used to be so open. i think the feeling of rejection is what has made me so silent as of lately. i think i care too much, but then i hear i don’t care enough, and then when i do something that i think is spontaneous, i usually end up wishing i would have never done it at all. i need to just trust my gut. even if it seems chaotic. 

I’ve been smokinga lot of cigarettes lately,because loving youwas just as addictive,and just...

I’ve been smoking
a lot of cigarettes lately,
because loving you
was just as addictive,
and just as bad.

Lolita, (1997)

Lolita, (1997)

I look forward togoing to sleep,because at least you love mein my dreams.

I look forward to

going to sleep,

because at least

you love me

in my dreams.

11/13/13I always seem to be writing about love, loss, and how I wish you would have stayed.

11/13/13

I always seem to be
writing about love,
loss, and how I wish
you would have stayed.