Lynn Kellan's Blog, page 10

Goodbye, resolutions.

Here’s an important update on

my new year’s resolutions:

Please tell me I’m not the only one.

Love,

Lynn Kellan,

former exerciser

current chocoholic

Welcome to NOT tennis weather

Did you know I like to play tennis?

Yep, love it. I especially love to make my opponents cry.

However, this time of year, I’m reluctant to pick up a racquet.

Because of this:

Not to mention, this:

And so, in conclusion, heretofore, etc., etc., etc.,

tennis season is postponed for 15 weeks.

Thank you very much.

Love,

L.Kel.

How NOT to pet your dog

Hello.

I got a weird present.

I think the Pet Petter will come in handy

when I visit my brother’s huge Irish Wolfhound next Christmas.

I’m hoping that maybe it’ll stop me

from making these weird faces.

Or maybe not. Probably not. Okay, never.

I’m always going to ham it up for the camera.

It’s good to know your weaknesses, right?

I can ride my new dog.

I’m mad at my dog.

Because of THIS:

She sticks her tongue out at me!

How rude, crude, and socially unacceptable.

I’ve had enough of this behavior.

I officially pronounce that I’m getting a NEW dog.

Here she is:

Notice how well behaved she is?

And she’s fluffy, too.

I think she’ll be a welcome addition to our living room.

And we’ll NEVER have to cut the grass, again!

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This post brought to you by insane women.

Please teach our dogs some manners.

I’ll give you free air if you don’t wear pants.

In honor of 2016,

we are offering something VERY valuable…

Please dress appropriately

when you cross the street to get your air…

In other words, wear too-long sleeves,

no pants, and a top hat.

While we’re talking about proper attire,

please dress your snowmen warmly.

Scarves and snowman sweaters will do.

In conclusion,

please have a wonderful 2016.

Love,

Lynn

Why do dogs have eyebrows?

Why do dogs have eyebrows?

My dog doesn’t need them.

She NEVER frowns, because I’m sooo super nice.

Which is what I told Santa when I saw him in the mall.

He didn’t believe me.

I didn’t believe he used enough conditioner on his beard.

Soooo, I found another Santa and tried to explain that I’ve been nice.

He looked too darned surprised at my story.

Sooooo, I found another Santa at the grocery store.

He couldn’t hear a word I said because of all his hair.

In fact, he didn’t hear anything I said this year,

which is why I gave him my wish list.

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Wishing you a happy, merry, joyful Christmas!

Scrouge invented final exams

This is FINAL EXAM WEEK for my college kid.

Like any good mother, I asked Santa to bring her some easy tests.

He refused my request and gave me a soulless stare.

I found another Santa and asked for his help.

He refused my request and asked for directions to the nearest toy store.

I found ANOTHER Santa and asked for his help.

He agreed to help, because he was afraid I’d eat the pom-pom on his hat.

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This post brought to you by Moms.

We will do anything for our kids.

When you celebrate Christmas with romance writers, they steal your husband.

I’ve hidden my husband from the public eye,

but today I’m going to reveal him.

(Please ignore the creepy look on my face.)

I brought him to meet my fellow romance authors

at our annual holiday party.

Here he is among the presents.

Every year, we do a gift exchange.

The wrapping gets pretty, er, raunchy.

I was going to take Sherlock home with me,

but THIS WOMAN stole him from me:

Darn you, Veronica Forand!! Darn you!!

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This post brought to you by The Secret Lives of Romance Authors.

We fight over cardboard cutouts of our heroes.

Boo!

I’m trying to get ready for Halloween.

I need to scare kids away, because I want all the candy.

This might work:

Nah. Not scary enough.

Gnomes are scary…how ’bout this one?

Nah. He’s wearing headphones. He looks like a normal kid.

Don’t worry, though. I found the perfect scary gnome:

There.

This guy will scare everyone,

and I’ll have ALL THE CANDY to myself.

Happy Halloween!!

Scary things

In honor of Halloween,

let’s talk about scary.

This is scary:

Authors are terrified of mannequins.

Because we don’t know how to spell mannequin.

This, however, is VERY scary:

Why is a lemon tart scary?

It’s downright mortifying if you don’t have $5.00 in your pocket.

And this, well, I can’t decide if it’s scary or not:

Look at the picture.

I think the kid in the cart is pointing the way to the sales rack!

That’s not scary…that’s extremely helpful!

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This post brought to you by Parents Who Have College Kids.

Our kids don’t fit in shopping carts very easily.

But we try.