Pat Hatt's Blog, page 93

Time For Eight On This Date!

The cat turns 8 today. That makes me close to 50 the vet posters say. The fatter you are the older you are. That's what the poster says anyway at their sand bar.


I should be doing this.Not giving off a hiss.Just sitting away.Staring with no say.
 
Still staring out.What's that about?Old age is grand.All you do is stare at the land.

Find a comfy blanket.Then just plank it.Stare some more.A staring encore.

Turn your head.Prove you aren't dead.Look this way and that. But don't chew the fat.

Stare wider.Maybe at a spider.But don't move anywhere.Too old at your lair.

Tilt you head a bit. Continue the staring shit.Act like it interests you.Then find another to view.

Do a fake stare.Don't go anywhere.Just stare and sleep.Old age is so deep.

Remember to stare and drink. From bowl or sink.Drink so you can lay.There is where you stay.

Act innocent too.No matter what you do.That staring is hard on the eyes.Plus you have to act wise.

Pffft to all of that.I'll still be a mobile cat.Doing what I want with ease.Biting Cassie is a breeze.
The cat won't conform to old age. Is 50 still old at any page? Beats the heck out of me. The cat still runs around with glee. I put the boots to the mutt too at the other zoo. So 8 years have come to pass. Here's to another 8 more for my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Sidebars Of Cars!

Well at the other sea the cat watched a new car buy come to be. Buy I guess is not the case as the loans come at a steady pace. Isn't it sad the crap they add?

Look at this fancy one.
Hear it purr just for you.
She will get any job done.
And she's brand spankin new.

You can hop on in.
Go get behind the wheel.
Take her for a spin.
I'll make you a great deal.

There is no rust on her.
Not even a scratch.
Doesn't she just purr?
You two are a perfect match.

That color is you.
It matches your eyes.
You are one from two.
I tell you no lies.

That is the price.
The one that is stated.
No need to roll the dice.
You two are fated.

Come to my office.
It's right back here.
Let's keep others off us.
Close the door to all near.

Now here's the nitty gritty.
It's just a bit of fine print.
You'll love this in the city.
It's windows have a tint.

Sign here, here and here.
And here, use my pen.
You have nothing to fear.
No, this isn't in Yen.

This is the final price.
You got warranty and stuff.
I was being so nice,
I gave her plenty of fluff.

She's all yours now.
Enjoy her and the toys.
Hey, don't have a cow.
The other fees are background noise.

Sounds like marriage a bit except you can't swap spit. Ever get a good deal? Have you spun the wheel? Surely get screwed in the end. That is the car buying trend. Ever met a good car salesperson at your sea? One that wasn't out to get thee? May be one or two in the mass. Although there are still doubts from my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Surprise For You...Maybe Two!

The cat wants to surprise all. I can do it at my hall. It is as easy as can be. One sure did it near me. The surprise was so grand. I have to give them a hand.

Surprises for you.
Surprises for me.
There are a few,
That come to be.

Boy, how times flies,
When you get a surprise.
You open your eyes.
Hairball...surprise?

Working each day.
Time never flies.
Go to get your pay.
Payroll error....surprise?

Go for a drive.
The sun's in your eyes.
You get out alive.
Car totaled...surprise?

You write a book.
Gets many cheery cries.
Computer dies at your nook.
Book lost....surprise?

Your neighbor is new.
He wears no disguise.
Eyes peeping on you.
His naked....surprise?

You visit the cat.
Finding me wise.
I chew the fat.
Nonsense given....surprise?

You had dinner.
Followed by pies
A sure fire winner.
Food poisoning...surprise?

You see a light.
Then big old eyes.
This can't be right.
You're dead....surprise?

Surprises are sought.
Surprises are great.
On second thought,
They may be second rate.

Don't you want to be surprised like that? Were you surprised over a rhyme from the cat? Not one bit? Damn, I need to find some surprising shit. I'll leave a hairball on your floor. You'll be surprised when you step in that at your shore. Surprisingly I gave sass. I'm such a surprising little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer. 

Round Fifty Five Takes A Dive!

The nuts are still here giving a cheer. Or maybe it's a crazy squawk. It wouldn't surprise me with the way they talk. Would it surprise you? Yeah, I doubt it at my zoo.

{0}

Umm okay. Who searches just that and finds my bay?

rat sex

Mary Kirkland fans are back. Hmm, maybe it was her at her shack?

gigantic anime tit squeezing

Is animated all you can muster? Damn, that has to lose it's luster.

Cassie crow feathers

Cassie ate a crow? That I didn't know.

My way home today

How do I know? Don't run over a toe.

Meowwwww tweetie

Wrong thing. Need a tweet fling.

Animals rights right

So no left ones? That could give some the runs.

Anti PC rants

The Blue Guy has a few. I'm sure I do too.

My home burnt my chair

Now that takes skill. Haunted house on a hill?

Profanity Granny Swearing

I think the first word covers that. No need to get redundant where you're at.

Dark green eyes are on me

Did they pop out and make you shout?

My nanny wore at me

I sense a theme. Maybe it's a dream.

Nanny swearing at kid

Nope, not a dream. Guess he/she got no ice cream.

Make diddle in hay

Could get itchy. May end up twitchy.

And the winner this time has a fun chime. Fun for them maybe. I don't even want to wonder what they did see. At least zombie feet is about the worst here. This could bring some fear.

Super Glue Closed My Ass 
A little experimenting at their sea? Damn, now that is as weird as can be. Who would even attempt that? Think it was lube where they were at? That has been done. The Redneck gave that a run. And so ends this search engine pass of the nuts that find my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Classic Case To Embrace!

The cat sees this word thrown around a lot. I guess there is some kind of plot? Does it just one day go poof? Maybe it wants to stop being aloof? Beats me but we shall see.

That was great.
Such a fun fate.
I watched it today.
A classic I say.

I read that too.
A classic came due.
I played that one.
Classic by a ton.

Classic = enduring interest.
Is that the best?
Weekend at Bernies has been called it.
Is there enduring interest for that not so much a hit?

Just an example thrown.
Maybe it's the tone.
So 80's at play.
Classic compared to today.

Would this be a classic post?
It's what you expect from the host.
Disney seems to have a ton.
Disney classics given a run.

Maybe it's age.
Turn the page.
Classic at play.
Just not today.

Tomorrow though.
Classic will show.
It's here to stay.
Switch it the next day.

A classic response.
From the renaissance?
Wowweee, classic right there.
Whoops, was said with years to spare.

So classic though.
That you must know.
Like that park that's Jurassic.
That is oh so classic.

Maybe that's it.
Spawns a sequel fit.
Weekend at Bernies 2 came due.
That must be how a classic pulls through.

Did we seed anything? Any idea at your wing? When does something become classic? Between now and the time of Jurassic? That is a lot of ground to cover. I hope you are a history lover. If you find out tell Cass. She'll relay it to my not so classic little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Invaders At Play Here Today!

Cassie and I were doing our thing, meaning we were resting at our wing. Then they came. It was like some game. They hopped on in. The invasion didn't make us grin.


See? I was resting away.Enjoying the day.An ass pillow rest.Then came the first pest.

Cassie likes him.She must be dim.We can't have that.So says the cat.

He's just rude.He's not getting my food.I'll eat every bite.I'm ready for a fight.

My cat tower too.No sharing at our zoo.Wait, what was that?A bald cat?

Invader number two.A mutt that is eww.Stole my ass pillow as well.This day went to hell.

Trying to claim it.Can't have that shit.I'll go bite his tail.He ran away with a wail.
 
What has Cassie spotted?A new foe has been plotted?She sure wants him.I think a visit would be grim.

Did you spot number three?Now he's easy to see.A visit from him would be fine. He'd be a chew toy for the feline.

Could be worse.Could be this curse.We keep her away.We never want to play.

Now excuse the cat.I'll go back to watching that.Pat really needs to shut the door.That will stop intruders forevermore.
Don't you love intruders when they come? Do you kick them out on their bum? That would be nice to do. But we may need opposable thumbs at our zoo. Instead I'll just give them a whack. That will keep them out of my shack. Now I'll go back to squirrel watching with Cass. He won't steal the pillow of my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Little Tire On The Wire!

The cat has seen it in a comment or ten here at our den. It was admitted too. So they weren't fast readers or confused at my zoo. What is it? I'll say before you get tired and hiss and spit.

Snacking on kids?
That will flip some lids.
Whoops, it was a hen.
I won't report your den.

You peed on Santa Claus?
That sure won't get an applause.
Oh, you watched him pee.
Hmmm that is still a creepy spree.

Dancing in the nude?
That may be rude.
Oh, under a full moon.
And even with a spoon.

You chewed off human fat?
How did you do that?
Oh, the phrase for talking.
I guess I'll go walking.

You bought a girlfriend?
That you may need to amend.
You bought something for her?
Damn, my eyes are beginning to blur.

You are a rhyming dog?
That is a new log.
Oh, you are making fun.
I am now almost done.

You fought the law?
Hit them with a claw?
Oh, you got out of a ticket.
No guns to make any picket.

You are going on vacation?
That brings elation.
You were lying?
Why am I even trying?

You....I'm so screwed.
Can't take it, dude.
I have to get some sleep.
I'm seeing things at my keep.

Tired as can be.
Good night to thee.
You are wishing to be in my bed?
Whoops, that was just in my head.

Ever read things when half asleep and screw them up at your keep? The cat may have done it a time or two but I usually catch myself at my zoo. Then again who needs sleep? Just give a meep meep. Then you'll say nothing wrong, funny or crass. You can trust, probably not, my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

A Full Cart Of Smart!

The cat is good at this and that. Or would it be that and this for the cat? Beats the heck out of me. But there are sure some things you'll never see me good at at my sea.

I'm so great.
A common trait.
A human one.
Always spun.

I can do this.
Ego can't miss.
I can do that.
So full of scat.

Rocket science it is.
That's my biz.
Can't tie a shoe.
Whoops, boo hoo.

I can build a tower.
Can even fix a shower.
Whoops, can't plant a flower.
Now I'll go and cower.

I can write a book.
So great at my nook.
Whoops, I can't get the ball in the hoop.
I was thrown for a loop.

I can sell a car.
I can go far.
Whoops, can't sell clothes.
Damn, that curls my toes.

I can cure your ails.
Maybe pound some nails.
Whoops, can't play cards.
Have trouble mowing yards.

I can fly a plane.
Landing in the right lane.
Whoops, can't drive a train.
That leaves me with a pain.

I can go to space.
Puts a smile on my face.
Whoops, can't public speak.
Now I'm up shit creek.

I can write a blog.
Don't get brain fog.
Whoops, can't draw a lick.
Unless it involves a stick.

Don't you love those humans that think they are great at all? Just because they can do one thing they can do them all at their hall. Now you can get better and learn. But there will always be something that makes you feel the burn. I can't sing like that singing bass. There, I admitted it with my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

Some Strange Fun For Everyone!

Fun sure is subjective to the human race. Not sure any of the below I could ever embrace. Hell, I know I would not. No fun in any below plot.

Let's have fun.
Let's go to town.
You will stun.
Wear a fancy gown.

Fun doing what?
That's not hard.
We'll sleep in a hut,
On the ground in the yard.

We'll bet and lose money.
That's so much fun.
The bookee finds it funny,
Fun with each lose spun.

We can go and run.
Yeah, just run down the street.
That is so much fun.
So hard to beat.

Let's stand outside and smoke.
That is so great.
Can freeze with each toke.
So fun none can relate.

Time to whine about whatever.
Let's do it on the internet.
Such a fun endeavor.
Over everything we can fret.

Time to get on YouTube.
Not that way.
We need some lube.
Sex tape of the day.

Let's start the rumor mill.
We can make crap up about someone.
That ought to give us a thrill.
Who cares if they don't find it fun.

Let's sit in a tree.
Hold your pee.
Shoot what's in front of thee.
Head on a wall, yippeee.

Speaking of which,
This is just nasty as can be.
Some brain dead idiot must have a glitch,
For let's have fun by hiring people to stand over us and pee.

The cat will stick to having fun with a toy. Do any of the above bring you joy? Hopefully not the pee one. That is soooooo nasty by a ton. But to each their own. Rather eat a dog bone. More fun to pass some gas out my little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.

The Tale Of The Scale!

You humans sure like your numbers. Even count your cucumbers. Hey, I'm sure some do. The only thing the cat counts is toys at our zoo. Pat likes to count dough, but you need that though.

No need to wait.
Not a weight trait.
So ignore that scale.
Don't hit the trail.

Goes to 10.
Women and men.
No more, no less.
An 11 you confess?

Pffft get out of here.
Don't show that tear.
It stops at ten.
Go bug a hen.

You got it now?
You caught on, wow!
Let's get to it.
Have to gauge your fit.

How is your fit?
Taking crap or shit?
On a scale of one to ten.
You can use a pen.

How is your brain?
Does this cause pain?
On a scale of one to ten.
Sorry, we don't take Yen.

How is you attention?
Is it in detention?
On a scale of one to ten.
Can you survive under a dumpster like Glenn?

It is a four?
Why not a three tour?
What's the difference between?
What? A six you mean?

A one means none.
A ten means a ton.
A nine a smidgen less?
This could be a mess.

Did you like this post?
Rate it at my coast?
On a scale of one to ten.
Now I'll go sleep in the den.

Don't you love those that blurt out 3? I mean really a 3 can come to be? Why not 3 and a tiny bit? Sure can be a weird 1 to 10 fit. What if each have a different scale? Some do and some don't wail. Geez, I'll have to find out from the singing bass. Of course I'm a 10 little rhyming ass.

Enjoy your winter, smash a printer.