Pat Hatt's Blog, page 44

Take A Hike To Ride A Bike!

The cat has sure heard this a time or ten. You humans spout it off at every den. "Just like riding a bike." That saying you sure seem to like. But do you think farther on it? Nope. What is that thinking shit?

Just like riding a bike.
You spout it when needed.
From adult to tyke,
In brains it is deeded.

The words, not the action.
For that's all you say.
Don't want to end up in traction,
So you don't go and replay.

Learning the bike.
That you must do.
Won't get a Farcebook like,
Or read about any how to.

You get on and try.
Crash. Boom. Bang.
You surely don't fly.
There may come a clang.

But try you do.
And try some more.
Then two by two,
You may start to soar.

Hmm went to birds.
Tabbies may have a fit.
They fly in herds.
Watch out for their shit.

Back to the bike.
Once learned it stays.
So that saying you like,
For one particular maze.

The doing you forget.
You chuck it aside.
You avoid any bet.
A bike you can ride.

So it should apply.
Apply to one and all.
The saying never does deny.
Follow the bouncing ball.

Let's read and pretend to know.
Be the best you can be.
Doing is such a hard go.
But it's like riding a bike for you and me.

Think further on it now? Did the cat ring a bell somehow? You didn't read how to ride and pretend to know. You got up and kept giving it a go. You learned through doing. Now to doing most go a shooing. But that saying is still given many a go. At least you can give off that flow. Hmm should I ask if you can ride one first? If you can't, that whole saying kinda does burst. I'll give that saying a pass, which is easy, because it is just like riding a bike, whoops, for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Put In The Disk For Risk!

Time for world domination at our sea. Hold on. Cats already made that come to be. You scoop our waste and we pay no rent. Yep, got that. No need to get bent. You may lose an arm. So could be a risk of harm.

Walk so brisk,
Here comes the risk.
So scary and bad.
Risk is had.

A risk of releasing.
Career could be ceasing.
Oh so scary thought.
That is a risky plot.

It's just a feeling.
One that leaves you reeling.
So it is forever risky.
Like at STD from getting frisky.

One has merit.
The other a ferret.
As in its brain.
Did I cause you pain.

An actual risk.
One not brisk.
It has a high degree.
It may happen to thee.

The other...not so much.
You are just out of touch.
Out of touch with reality.
Maybe you could be saved by Catality.

A little plug.
Did I risk a bug?
Maybe a bug in a rug.
Two for one from my grinning mug.

Oh that is a risk.
Hide that disk.
A smile could scare.
Or bring stalkers, beware.

Yeah, such a BIG risk.
Like catching the plague from eggs you whisk.
Like lightning smacking you in the head.
Oh no, the risk has you dead.

Actual risk at play?
Nope, not many today.
Just wrap when your frisky.
Lowers the old risky.

Do you go with feels risky and run away? Is it like a scary clown on display? Do you actually look at the data or odds first? Or are you just scared and run before you burst? Don't you love imaginary risk? Let's pop in that world domination disk. The cat will win with another pass. Warning, sometimes it may be risky to listen to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Lend An Ear For Did You Hear!

At least cats look at you in disgust and it is feed me or bust. Unlike the dog who eats things in disgust and in everything with you they trust. Why am I telling you that? Can't give a bad name to the cat.

Did you hear, did you hear?
So and so shed a tear.
The cried over dirt.
It got on their skirt.

Isn't that juicy juice?
Come on and let loose.
Go and tell so and so.
So and so has to know.

Did you hear about that?
Wow, that is some scat.
I have to tell one and all.
I'll share it on my Farcebook wall.

Did you hear about him?
He went out on a limb.
He fell in a lake.
It deserves a double take.

Did you hear about her?
She grows fur.
It comes out her ears.
I bet her head has gears.

Did you hear about that?
Yeah. It is full of strat.
Did you hear that means shit?
The cat told me to say it.

Did you hear about so and so?
Is that a yes or a no?
No. Not that so and so.
That so and so is in the know.

Did you mention so and so?
That is a high and not a low.
That so and so isn't in a row.
So and so is my new foe.

Did you hear about they?
They went on their way.
They are sooooo bad at it.
Say that and they'll have a fit.

Did you hear, did you hear?
If not, come a little near.
I'll tell you what they fear.
Did you hear, did you hear?

So did you hear? No need to tell my rhyming rear. For it it gossip hound and not gossip cat. So go be a hound where you are at. Are you a gossip nut stuck in a gossip rut? If so, the cat will tell you about so and so with my next pass, which may only come when I turn into a canine little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Clean Slate Takes The Bait!

Does piling on a dead horse help you? Would that be beating at ones zoo? Who the heck does that? Some serial killer who wants to see a horse splat? Yeah, we won't go there. That would raise the cat's neck hair.

Let's stay stuck.
Stuck in the muck.
It's a wise choice.
Just shut up and rejoice.

It is the way.
Can't go astray.
Can't sing a new tune.
Not morning, night or noon.

It could hinder.
Float like cinder.
Actually sink.
Bring all to the brink.

Things are fine.
They align.
They keep you safe.
No need to chafe.

500 years of doing.
It needs no shooing.
1000 years says so.
We aren't the dinosaurs, you know.

Stay and love.
No need to shove.
It is what it is.
Same answers on the quiz.

Oh, but wait.
Don't roll out the hate.
We can change some.
We're all PC there, chum.

That's so easy.
It is also pleasy.
Easy and pleasy.
Nothing is cheesy.

A clean slate?
Pfft don't tempt fate.
This is the way.
We did it just yesterday.

We can't confuse.
Don't change the fuse.
Stay in your lane.
We don't want it to rain.

Don't you love ancient rules? Maybe even the enforcing fools? Don't you love how some things stay stuck just to save or make the almighty buck? When there are better a way but oh no, change can't come this day. The slate is already busted and brittle, but we can spiff it up a little. That is just the way it was created and came to pass. Pffft and I'm a dog with a little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Collecting We Don't Because We Won't!

Did you think we'd go all hoarders today? Bah, been there done that at our bay. Plus collecting they do. If you can call it that at your zoo. Instead we'll go input. Count the toes on your foot.

A data collecting.
Can't start neglecting.
Let's pretend.
Later we can amend.

Isn't this nifty.
We can be shifty.
Pull it from our ass.
We'll fool any mass.

90% of this.
It brings bliss.
52% of that.
It melts fat.

The data is there.
Like a head of hair.
Lots to see.
Manufactured by me.

Counting and collecting?
Bah, that involves selecting.
Just get it off the internet.
Facebook is the place they all vent.

Why create new?
Go tried and true.
Or tried and fake.
But shhh don't partake.

Just go with the flow.
We're really in the know.
Nod and agree.
Our data comes free.

We held no beta.
We just got our data.
Can't you accept that?
76% say yes with no spat.

Old data works.
It has perks.
Done 50 years ago.
2.5 kids were in the know.

Can't gather new.
So just shoo.
Your data doesn't count.
You'll ruin our amount.

Don't you love stats pulled from an ass? Put them on the internet and they are believed by many a lad and lass. Don't you love using old data to create something new? Like data 50 years ago is, usually, ever relevant to today's view. Want new data one has to put in the work and not be a lazy jerk. That is the end of my data sass. Now you can go back to collecting data on my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling. 

Interlopers Galore At Our Shore!

The cat has shown you some of the interloper crew. They are sure intruders through and through. But what I saw recently made me do this. It was followed by a hiss.


WTF Pat!How can you cheat on the cat?Bringing home such weird smells.I'll jingle more than your bells.

I can swat these.I hiss at them when I please.They stay clear.Score one for my rhyming rear.

These things I bite.That gives them a fright.Soon off they go.But this we all know.

Now you channel old one eye?That is just worse than looking at her one eye with a sty.You even made the cat get wordy.We flip the giant litterbox the birdie.

What is this thing?A rope to swing?Nope, further back a bit.That is a dog or some strange shit.

The tabbies will run.They don't find burds fun.It's some kind of pheasant. How is seeing this pleasant?

More of these dog things.Like a dog ate a bird and didn't get wings.Instead it got tall.Not sure where that came from at all.

Are these big eared cats?Maybe overgrown rats?Do they feel lucky?This sure isn't ducky.

Bah! Another herd.This is getting absurd.Pat is feeding strays in a whole other municipality.That makes me want to give him a fatality.

Now Cassie is giving me lip.She is telling me to get a grip.She's been seduced by the smells.That weird dog creature must cast spells.
Have any unidentified interlopers at your sea? Is your human(s) cheating on you like Pat does to me? How dare he feed a herd of cats and hang out with overgrown rats. Suddenly the mutt seems swell. I just had to tell. Don't you feel for me and want to give Pat sass? I could be a bit of an over exaggerating little rhyming ass.
Experience spring, have a fling.

A Critical Production With Little Suction!

Don't you hate those low suction things? We run away like we have wings. But low suction makes it take forever. Nah, we won't be tackling the vacuum with today's endeavor. Although they do have as much hot air and they sure can blare.

Ode to the critic.
Hands so arthritic.
Life so dull.
That they produce null.

That would be nil.
Their cup they can't fill.
Half empty or full,
Has absolutely no pull.

Professional is their name.
Critiquing is their game.
They sit and watch,
Searching for every botch.

Then away they go.
They yap or type a flow.
Professional that is.
For they are a whiz.

Ode to the critic,
Who are kinda parasitic.
Without those to create,
They'd have an empty plate.

Like a worm to a dog?
Maybe to a hog?
That is quite the image.
They may need worm pills after scrimmage.

Scrimmage to and fro.
Off a watching they go.
It is the professional way.
Pick apart others on display.

Create nothing at all.
Just follow the bouncing ball.
Those who can't do,
Critic the day through?

Or would that be night?
Maybe watch on a flight.
Could now give spite.
But that's all right.

Ode to the critic.
Sure not analytic.
A professional parasitic.
Was this to psychoanalytic?

Have you ever noticed that? It was just thought of by the cat. Critics mostly only critic away. They produce nothing else at their bay. Yet they are professional at it? Umm how did they get that bit? Give two thumbs up and suddenly you're good to go? Damned if I know. I think I'd rather create and give sass. It is much more fun for my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Helping Hand Across The Land?

A little help is grand. It can be a foot or a hand. Don't rule out the feet. They can leave one in defeat. Or they can leaving one winning. Maybe just leave your head spinning. It is something I often do. But you are used to it at our zoo.

You pace the floor.
You stare at the door.
You wait and wait,
For date or mate.

Does it help?
Do you yelp?
Do things change?
Maybe like Lego they rearrange?

You spit and sputter.
You may even mutter.
Could also shutter.
Damn, out of butter.

Does it help?
Do you yelp?
Do things differ?
Your back become stiffer?

You leave it go.
You stub your toe.
You swear and swear.
Maybe pull out your hair.

Does it help?
Do you yelp?
Do things grow?
Would that be a no?

You ignore.
Forget a chore.
Sit and teeth grind.
It's on your mind.

Does it help?
Do you yelp?
Do things get done?
Go ask a nun?

You think about doing.
From writing to canoeing.
Whatever is your thing.
You think about next spring.

Does it help?
Do you yelp?
Do you ever finish?
Does it start or diminish?

Do you do things that don't really help out? Like tensing up when one is out and about? Do you put yourself through things that don't need to be? Does it really help thee? When you look at it that would be no. You just become your own worst foe. Unless pacing the floor helps you lose weight and you want that to come up to the plate. Then hey, it helps in a way. I'll now go help myself to some food of Cass and continue to be an ever so helpful little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Popular Thought Used By A Lot!

The cat can roll his eyes a lot. That is a popular thought. Or just a thought as I seem to say it a lot. I bet you can guess where we are going now? If not, I'm sure you will by the end somehow.

Popular is great.
Got me a mate.
A mate I hate.
But it is great.

It's the best,.
Passes any test.
The test of who?
Beats me and you.

For this is tops.
Fed like crops.
As in the masses.
All enjoy its gases.

All use it.
All think it a hit.
All have done it.
Popular by every bit.

So it's the best.
Beats the rest.
The rest of what?
Go ask a mutt.

What? There's that?
Makes this scat?
But I love it.
That isn't a hit.

This is better?
I'll write a letter.
It just can't be.
This is the best, you see?

Popularity says so.
It is had by even my foe.
It just has to be.
Can't you see?

Join the masses.
We sit on our asses.
It is just the best.
Popularity passes any test.

Useless Celebrity G says so.
They are truly in the know.
This is just the best ever.
Popularity makes it so clever.

Do you agree that popular is best? Pffft and I will let dogs be a house guest. But oh, everyone else has it and so should you. Be a sheep through and through. It is just the best. Even sported by some celebrity pest. Oh wait, a million dollar check? Damn, okay it is the best on deck. I can be bought like them too. For a million bucks I'll even clean your loo. What? No takers? Damn, can't find the right movers and shakers. Sometimes popular stuff is more useless than grass. I guess I'm just a non-popular little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling. 

An Easy Chat With The Cat!

The cat is going to talk today. As if you didn't know that at your bay. I guess maybe you didn't know because it is more of a type than chat at our show. I just chatted err umm typed. Both will work for today's purpose as this isn't being Skyped.

Time for a chat.
Here we come.
Forget all of that.
How do you like my bum?

It's big and round.
The cheeks sure pucker.
Is loved by a hound,
And maybe a trucker.

How about that weather?
Can you see the sun?
Even if we are standing together,
That question had to be spun.

Do you think it will rain?
Look at those clouds.
Isn't rain a pain?
What is it with crowds?

Can you believe the prices?
They are sky high.
Even on fuzzy dices.
Bad grammar can fly.

Look at that dust.
It is so dusty.
Dust one day we must.
Maybe before things get rusty.

Do you like my shirt?
It is brand spankin' new.
I may use it to flirt.
That's between me and you.

What's for dinner?
Bet it will taste good.
It must be a winner.
That is just understood.

I have a hangnail.
I really hate those.
Rather eat a snail.
Don't you love such woes?

Well that was fun.
I'd love to chat tomorrow.
So much we got done.
Time like that you can't borrow.

You humans sure make small talk really, really small. Seems like it is done by all. Do you even know how to talk about something substantial these days? Has OMG and TFB got you lost in a maze? Are my questions too hard for you? Is the easy chat just easy to do? How about that nice green grass? No need to answer the last one to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.