Pat Hatt's Blog, page 42

A Title For You That May Scare A Few!

There are many different things to do out there. Some have spare change to spare. Hmm is that redundant a bit? Bah, just ignore it. These titles you may want to seek. So give them a peek.

We're looking for you.
Come join our crew.
We are the best.
Better than the rest.

We require a Meat Wrapper.
Don't need to be a yapper.
Just wrap that meat.
Rinse and repeat.

We require a Dockside Observer.
Can even be a swerver.
Just observe and observe.
Quite the learning curve.

We require a Housekeeping Aid.
You can even trade.
Swap for a hearing aid.
You may even get paid.

We require a Decliner.
No need to deal with a whiner.
Just decline, decline, decline.
That is all that can align.

We require Body Repair.
Humans beware.
We are top notch.
We'll even fix your crotch.

We require a Bath Tutor.
You may have to neuter.
But we'll discuss that.
No. It won't always be a cat.

We require Photo Lab.
This job you can nab.
Or maybe give us one.
We are unclear on such fun.

We require a Pieceworker.
It may be a tear jerker.
Working with pieces.
The fun never ceases.

We require you.
Pauly Shore too.
Don't have a cow.
Join the remake of In The Army Now.

Don't you want to be one of those? What they are, who knows? Well actually I know a few, but I had to poke fun at my zoo. Can't even spell or put a satisfactory title up. That is a bit of a hiccup. I wonder how much a bath tutor gets paid. Maybe they take baths in trade? Knowing would probably give me gas, so I'll stay a ever so rhyming little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Things You Do When The Office Is In View!

The cat sneaks on many a time. Not even big brother will stop my rhyme. At least the boss guy that way. I can't say I'd beat the NSA. But when watched by prying eyes time sure never ever flies.

Time to work.
Such a perk.
Time goes by.
Oh me, oh my.

Work is done.
My, what fun.
Err umm not.
On comes the brain rot.

Nah, screw that.
Rhyme like a cat.
Damn those eyes.
They sure aren't wise.

It's paperclip art.
Take it to heart.
Make a chain.
Use that brain.

Count the tiles in the floor.
Then do it once more.
Maybe even a third go.
Have to make sure you are right, you know.

If you are really reeling,
Count the holes in the ceiling.
That can be tricky.
Blinking makes the outcome sticky.

Watch the pigeons poop.
They go for a loop.
In they come.
Land and relieve their bum.

Let in a sun beam.
Watch the dust gleam.
It falls all around.
Aren't dead skin cells profound?

Flick on and off the open sign.
A seizure may align.
That could scare.
Sign flicker beware.

Oh look, more work.
That is a perk.
Whoops, I'm done.
Back to the not so fun.

Do anything to pass away the day? Does boredom even come to play? Counting those ceiling holes sure can be tricky. Especially when your OCD is picky. It wants it right. Pencils could also take flight. Does anyone even use those anymore? Been years since I did at my shore. I guess I'll pencil that in for a rhyming pass. Unless big brother really does come after my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Get Steady With Ready!

Are you ready to read my post today? Fun how ready and read change with a Y at play. Don't you think? Maybe thunk brings you to the brink. Think and thunk. What a funk.

Here it comes.
Plank your bums.
Bums to the floor.
Maybe against the door.

I don't care.
Bums beware.
Throw in a butt.
But we did that rut.

Anyway, get ready.
This comes steady.
Are you ready for it?
It is the shit.

Are you ready yet?
Ready and set?
Ready you must be.
I will now tell thee.

I'm typing a post.
I typed it at my coast.
Isn't that amazing?
I know now you are gazing.

Gazing in hate?
Took the bait.
Loved by the cat.
Let's chew the fat.

Chew and chew.
It's ready for you.
Are you ready for it?
We did that bit.

You are ready.
Just like Freddy.
One two he's coming for you.
Three four I haven't a clue.

Ready to repeat?
Isn't ready neat?
Are you ready for ready's way?
Read that right today?

You're standing there.
You are aware.
You are at par.
So ready you are.

Did you get the cat? Follow any of that? Ready for the answer for today? Are you wishing ready would go away? Are you ready for that foray? Of course you are. Why? Because you don't go far. You do nothing at all. Therefore you are ready at your hall. So why ask are you ready all the time? Are you hoping to piss off a mime? Are you ready to listen to my words? Oh look, birds. I guess you aren't ready for my sass. I'll now ready more for tomorrow from my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Get Out Alive Of The 9-5!

The cat is here to help you out. You don't want to die while out and about. That would just be bad. No fun would be had. Hey, if you have a big life insurance policy your spouse may be glad. We won't judge at our pad.

Safety is key.
Followed by thee.
You want to survive.
So let's make it out alive.

Earthquakes a shaking.
Nope, it's not faking.
Go stand in the doorway.
If the house falls, that will stay.

Staplers are bad.
This isn't a fad.
Safety goggles are required.
Otherwise, you won't get hired.

The sun is scary.
Tanners be wary.
Slather on that sunscreen.
Most is ineffective and can give you cancer, but hey, it smells serene.

That rolley chair is large.
You sure aren't in charge.
Don't even think on moving it.
Have to call a mover to move every bit.

Stop kidnapping everywhere.
Don't just stare.
Tell the boss where it is you go.
Even if you have to go...you know.

Boxes are big.
Can snap you like a twig.
So even if full of air,
You're forbidden from lifting it there.

Paper may cut.
Don't be a nut.
Wear gloves when handling it.
We don't want you to have a fit.

Eating out is bad.
That can't be had.
Stay in and eat.
The vending machine has plenty a treat.

So stay aware.
Show you care.
Arrive home alive.
Follow the rules to survive.

Hmmm do you follow any of these? Most would be stupid for even fleas. Sun screen is hit or miss. But to each their own for that bliss. Goggles for a stapler though? Did someone staple their finger and toe? Damn, some safety is super lame. Know any a stupid a safety claim? I think I'll avoid broken glass, that is safe for my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

Ready to Become A Fan Of The Dirty, Cranky, Dusty, Nose Picking, Mean, Loud, Lazy, Large, Odd, Dopey, Silly, Greedy, Smelly, Whiny, Lying, Old Man?

Ever see a title that long? Does it sound all kinds of wrong? Do you think it is an adult one? Like the Profanity Granny run? Nope, not one bit. It is a kids book as release number 121 is lit. Ready to become a fan? Say his name three times fast and you'll be the woman or man.





Click Here For A Digital Peer!Click Here For A Print Peer!
Everything is always right in the town of Cherry Bright. People come and people go. They step to and they step fro. They make sure that all is tame and that every day turns out the same. At least until he caught the sight of the town of Cherry Bright.
They thought him dirty and rather mean. They ran away and made a scene. They thought him dusty and rather loud. They ran home while he stood quite proud. He was sure that they would soon be a fan of the dirty, cranky, dusty, nose picking, mean, loud, lazy, large, odd, dopey, silly, greedy, smelly, whiny, lying, old man.
Have you tried to say it three times fast yet? Is no a safe bet? Intrigued by the loooooooooooooong arse title that came due? Oh the ideas that pop in at our zoo. I could have a name as long as him come to pass, but I have grown attached to simply my little rhyming ass.

Fill your rummer, get drunk all summer.

WEP: Oh Darn, It's Yarn!

The cat will have some fun, if you want a non-rhyme short story you can go to Pat's other one. You know, the boring blog. We aren't letting him here to be a time hog. All would run away. Now on with the tale of the day.


Cassie and I were snoozing on the bed until a familiar thing was said. It had actually become a not so familiar thing as of late, but that doesn't sound as good out of the gate. I used an idiom too. What you gonna do? Gonna get upset with gonna? You know you wanna.

"What did you fleabags do to Drazin this time?"

The godly mook was back. He ruined my time to give you flack. He just yapped and yapped and yapped. It seems that he was trapped. Actually, he was trapped. No seems should be flapped. You either are or you are not. Damn, where am I going with this plot. That was rhetorical to me, so no question mark came to be.

"Free Drazin from this thing, fleabags. Drazin will skin you and make you slippers and make your human eat them if you don't free Drazin this instant."

"The godly mook is going to blow a gasket." Cassie rolled her eyes and trotted to his cage. She sure never wanted to flip the page. She was having too much fun. Drazin sure had been spun.

"Don't whack Drazin there. Drazin really will skin you fleabags."

The godly mook made his eyes glow. He is a god, you know. Or maybe you did not. We still are not so sure on that plot. Hey, that plot's on you. How are we to know if it is true?

"The godly mook went for a spin. Please tell us that you aren't going to commit sin."

"Fleabag, take your rhymes and shove them up your hairy ass."

"The godly mook has no class." My smirk made him snort. I wish that was all that occurred and we had hit abort.

Cassie grabbed one side and I another. The two strands could have been from the same mother. Does yarn have a mother? Maybe it was a sister or brother. Anyway, we yanked with glee and watched as the true godly mook came to be. Bald head, red glowing eyes, goatee, and shiny gold armor to match the shine from his head. Why couldn't we have just stayed in bed? Actually, it was on bed, but that sounds weird when said.

"Drazin doesn't know what you fleabags are up to, but Drazin doesn't want any part of it."

"And you think we want any part of you? Pffft, godly mooks." Cassie began to trot away and then it looked as if she started to play.

"Are you going to swat at it? Don't eat it or Pat will have a fit." I jumped five feet in the air. I can do that at our lair. The yarn had come alive. Or maybe it was already alive and just wanted to play dead to survive.

The two strands went this way and that. They wrapped around Cassie, Drazin, and this rhyming cat. This alive yarn thing was no fun. I would much rather give zombie feet a run. It squeezed and I thought I would burst. Alive yarn is just the worst. Now I sound like a teenage girl. Hey, you give fighting off magic yarn a whirl.

"Fleabags, chew your way free."

"Why can't you burn it, godly mook?" Cassie tried to chew but it would not do.

"We are good and screwed. This yarn has attitude."

"Drazin has had enough of this." Drazin tried to squirm free. His enough of magic yarn did not come to be.

The yarn flipped off us that way and flopped off us this way. Either way, it did not make our day. It then stretched some ends about and spelled some words out.

"You shall never eat us again," Cassie mumbled after the words un-jumbled.

"Drazin knew that you fleabags were the cause of this." Drazin's eyes glowed a little brighter. I really need to invest in a lighter.

"I haven't eaten yarn in years. Pat scolded me and never gave me cheers."

"Don't look at me, godly mook. I just eat plants and thin cords." Cassie cringed as she got squeezed more. Then we heard the turning of the door. Actually the knob, but you knew that I meant that and not corn on the cob. Hey, it rhymed and like Pat, it was well timed.

Pat came home from work. He was ready to go berserk. Our deus ex machina moment had come. Whoops, the yarn grabbed him and knocked him on his bum. Pat then whacked his head against the wall. He was out cold and of no use at all.

"No. You!" Cassie read the next words that came, and we watched as it pointed toward its end game.

"Drazin never touched yarn in Drazin's life."

"Not yarn. Spaghetti." Cassie rolled her eyes right quick. She can do that some slick. "Really? The alive yarn has a multiple personality complex? That's worse than the godly mook."

The yarn squeezed her until she could not talk. We really had to make this messed up yarn take a walk. So we did the only thing we could do. We let loose some pee and slipped on through. Yarn and cat pee do not mix. Hey, it's one of our go to tricks.

"We will have all humans for eating us every day." Cassie darted into a closet after having her say and went to her enemy that was hidden from display.

"If humans ate you, they would turn to dead meat stew." I taunted and dodged each strike while Drazin eyed me in extreme dislike. I could tell it was extreme. How? He continued to scream.

"Get Drazin out of here so Drazin can fry this thing, fleabags."

I dashed to his side and tried to bite through. The yarn was too tough, which proved it wasn't some spaghetti stew. And I was all out of number one. So I did what I do best and went for a run.

Around and around I went. The yarn really became bent. That would be upset and actually bent around corners and such. Do you think I have used actually too much? Maybe literally is the better choice. Bah, let's just finish so we can rejoice.

It let go of Drazin to stretch and chase me. By the time I was done, yarn was everywhere to see. It stretched this way and that and it never clued in while chasing the cat.

"We shall prevail and stop all who eat us." Cassie just shook her head. What? Did you think she was dead? She had a rough go. It is a scary machine, you know.

Cassie hit a button right quick. She stepped aside as Drazin grabbed it after realizing her trick.

"We shall not be eaten my ass." Drazin read the words and added the last two. He then sucked up that magic yarn that came due. The vacuum sounded ready to bust, but that machine we already distrust.

"That's not all. There is still more up and down every wall." I trotted to some more. That magic yarn wanted a WEP encore.

"Not if Drazin can help it." Drazin got rid of the rest, proving that the vacuum can pass the everything has a good point test. "There, now that Drazin has saved you fleabags, Drazin can get home."

Pat woke up just in time to see Drazin fade away. He, of course, had to have his say. "Thy demon will be slain."

"Too slow. Let the voices go."

"Time you fed us."

We trotted over to our dishes and made a wish for fishes. We ate what Pat gave, it was nothing over which to rant and rave.

"Oh, and you may want to invest in a new one of those." Cassie gleefully finished her meal while the smoking vacuum struck a pose.

"Thy demon shall pay for..."

I whacked Pat upside the head, not wanting to listen to what King Arthur said.

"Thanks. What the hell happened?" Pat tilted his head to the side. His OCD may have been mad that we ended his cleaning ride, but after we told him of the yarn's magic trick, he ditched that vacuum full of yarn with a complex some slick.

After that we returned to our nap, each of us glad we had beaten the magic yarn's trap. Did the yarn trap us though, or was it another foe? I guess that is a story for another day. No guessing as I know...right...done...okay!

Words: About Six Thirds

Ever have magic yarn come after you? Did you escape like we did at our zoo? Any thoughts on the rhyming cat? We just started and out popped that. I hope magic yarn with a multiple personality disorder never comes to pass. We wouldn't want that after our little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

Laser Eyes To The Wise!

The mutt didn't work out, so now we have to try another way for those still about. The cat will get it down soon. They aren't going to get into the territory of this loon.


I may be snoozing,But I'm still perusing.Don't even think about it.Yeah, you and your fluffy shit.

No. Not you.You are grumpy too.You stay away.Works for our bay.

Don't sleep when I'm talking.You better get to walking.Don't give me that.You're being watched by the cat.

Don't give me that look.You tried to get in my nook.I heard you at the door.You'll get in no more.

I can still see you.You're no stuffed animal too.Those I'll rip and tear.So you better beware.

Have to do it myself.Have to get off my cat shelf.Look at this fool.He thinks he's cool.

Pffft no way.You go eat hay.Can't have my stash.Come closer and I'll bash.

Two on two.Bring the fluffball through.Cassie will help.Or I'll make you both yelp.

Or maybe no need.Laser eyes are taking seed.Cassie is ready to go.Reap what you sow.

Hmph. Told you so.Eyes all aglow.So come on in.Laser eye death for the win.
Is the cat mean? Bah, those ones are so unclean. They get hair everywhere. They can't come in our lair. Cassie agrees. Her laser eyes make them freeze. Any fluffy intruders coming after you? I hope not at your zoo. That would be bad if it were a fluffy lad or lass. A super hairy human is scary to my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.

A Little Stammer To The Slammer!

Sayings get said. Did that sink into your head? See? Used one there. How words on a page can sink beats my lair. But some make even less sense when we tend to let them come out more dense. As in use them wrong from here to Hong Kong.

Tow the line.
So you drag it by its spine?
Damn, all wrong there.
Toe the line at ones lair.

Interest was peaked.
Silver Fox just freaked.
His interest was piqued.
Or maybe out his hate peeked.

I could care less.
Umm okay I guess.
Care less if you like.
I couldn't care less about your hike.

You are a shoe-in.
Blue likes that new spin.
But again only one shoe.
Maybe a shoo-in without a clue?

I'm honing in on you.
So getting better at my zoo?
I must have a way to go.
I'm homing in on it though.

I said it for piece of mind.
Are you a cannibal of some kind?
Not getting any pieces here.
I said it for peace of mind to be clear.

You'll just have to make due.
Are you going to pay my zoo?
I don't take checks, just cash.
You'll have to make do with my newsflash.

What a boldface lie.
Care to give it another try?
Did plastic surgery make it bold?
That's a bald-face lie I'm told.

I'll give you free reign.
That won't end it pain.
For nothing is ever free.
I guess free rein isn't what it's cracked up to be.

Are you passionate now?
The throws of passion can wow.
Watch what you biff though?
The throes of passion are deadly, you know.

The cat is now done. I've had my fun. Any more that you've done or seen incorrect? We sure used some wrong as we reflect. But then you know and away you go. Time to toe that line and give free rein to the feline. Wait. I think I already have the latter with a side of sass. So I'll just continue on being a little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling. 

Generally I Type So Forget The Hype!

Generally I am here each day. Hmm wouldn't that be always at play? For I am far ahead. So I can stay in bed. That means I'm here. Or at least near. Generally I don't know though. Can you guess where we are going to go?

Top dog it's not.
No war time lot.
Or war mongering fool.
Those guys drool.

Generally that is.
Hey, took a quiz.
Said it was so.
Generally though.

Specific I'm not.
That isn't hot.
Not hot to trot.
Cold by a lot.

Hot and cold.
My, how bold.
Generally to both.
No temperature growth.

Generally that is.
I'm such a whiz.
I can do the weather.
Generally a mix of sun and cloud together.

Generally not so wordy.
I'll flip the birdy.
It pointed to snow.
Generally I hate that though.

Although June is safe.
Don't you chafe.
That's just sweat.
Generally it's a safe bet.

Safe and betting?
That may need vetting.
Like a thermometer up it's ass.
Not fun, ask Cass.

Generally it's not.
Unless you like that plot.
Hey, if it's your thing,
Generally let it fling.

Did that work?
May go ask a Wal-Mart clerk.
Generally they'll get stuck.
But generally, what the fluck.

Did you generally get it today? Are you generally using generally at your bay? I generally don't see it a ton. But generally just had to be spun. It generally asked for it. Are you tired of my generally bit? Generally it may scare. Generally's use sure isn't rare. I generally avoid pissing off Cass. She may go all general on my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling. 

An Early Start Taken To Heart!

Early or late, we've taken that bait. Beginning and end, we've done that trend. What is this? Al's place with repeat bliss? Nah, can't go all repeat the repeat. Blue may go into heat. Bah, it's early. Don't get squirrely.

Off we go.
To and fro.
High or low.
Damned if I know.

Just off we go.
Friend or foe.
Stub a toe.
Lawn to mow.

Things to do.
That we knew.
Me and you.
Ever so true.

Or ever so fake.
Quite the partake.
Partake the fake.
Point to make?

Point for A.
Z may play.
A To Z.
April's spree.

Look, a crawl.
Have a ball.
Started early.
Ever so pearly.

Start them early.
Can't be squirrely.
Don't call me Shirley.
I may get surly.

Take it to heart.
The early start.
Skip the rest.
Early at it's best.

Ignore the filler.
Go for the thriller.
Better start early.
Can't get curly.

What was that?
Beats the cat.
An early start.
Did I fart?

Do you believe in an early start? Forgetting the middle part? Push, push, push. Shove at a tush. Forcing things on kids and such even when they don't like it much? Skip the fun. Early start has to be done. An early start to the day that is fine at any bay. But an early start compared to what for whatever in life? Sometimes it just brings strife. I'll stick to the middle pass. Allows for fun to be had by my little rhyming ass.

Experience spring, have a fling.