Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 33

the moments we don’t capture with pictures

Some moments of motherhood are amazing. Beyond amazing. Blessed treasures of sheer joy.

Then there are other moments. The ones where we feel like a complete failure as a mom. I have them. I suspect you do too.

The moments that taste bitter, not sweet.

The moments that won’t make it into the family scrapbook.

We wonder if we really have it in us to grow a child into a God-following adult.

Yes, those kinds of unglued heart moments aren’t the ones we capture in pictures. But there is a silver lining I’ve discovered in those moments.

Wisdom can be found in the humble and sometimes even humiliating spaces of motherhood.

Wisdom is our silver lining.

Wisdom will help us not repeat the mistakes we’ve made but rather grow stronger through them.  

So, how do we find this wisdom?

We come to the Lord and ask Him for it. We set aside our excuses, our habits, and our justifications and whisper, “I need your perspective God. I come before you and humbly admit my desperate dependence on you.”

Proverbs 11:2 reminds us, “with humility comes wisdom.”

Yes, humility.

But wisdom can also come from those times of humiliation as well.

Remember King David from the Bible? He had an affair with a married woman named Bathsheba. When Bathsheba sent word to David she was pregnant with his baby, he panicked and had her husband killed so he could quickly marry her.

His choice brought calamity upon his house and the son born to he and Bathsheba died. Sin and consequences always walk hand in hand. And David surely suffered the consequences of his choices for years to come.

But mixed in with the heartbreak and the humiliation something else happened.

When the repentant David went to comfort Bathsheba she became pregnant with Solomon. From this relationship wrapped in humiliation came the man the Bible calls, “wiser than any other man.”

From humiliation wisdom came.

Humility and humiliation, silver linings that can lead to wisdom even in the midst of “those days.”

Some of my sweet blog friends are talking about their own unglued moments and the positive things they’re learning through it all in their Build ‘Em Up Series! Won’t you pop on over to read pieces of encouragement from them today?

Courtney – Lil Light O’ Mine

Erin – Blue-Eyed Bride

Kelly – Kelly’s Korner

Jennifer – Life in the Green House

They’re each doing a fun giveaway with some tools to equip you as you face those hard moments.

Be sure to see each of the above blogs for your chance to win an Unglued Summer Sanity Package containing a copy of Unglued, the Unglued Devotional, and a set of Unglued keytags.

I think I’ll give one away too! Leave a comment below telling me how you stay calm in the midst of chaos.

Related posts:

Do I want to make peace or progress?
The Second Unglued Webcast Replay is Live!
When It Feels Better To Blame Someone Else

Exploder or Stuffer – Which One Are You?

I used to think there were two categories of reactions people have when they come unglued: exploding and stuffing.

Exploding when we feel unglued means pushing emotions outward. A rush of feelings bubble up and out of our mouth with harsh words, condemning attitudes, and demonstrative gestures like slamming doors or banging our hand down on a table. The exploding makes us feel good in the moment because it gets the yuck out of us but when we realize all we’ve spewed on others and the hurt we’ve caused, the regret falls heavy.

We’ll either deflect that regret by blaming someone else for our actions or we’ll ingest that regret by shaming ourselves.

Stuffing when we feel unglued means pushing emotions inward. A rush of feelings are stopped from going out by being shoved in. We swallow hard our hurt feelings but not in an effort to process and release. Rather we wallow in the hurt. Like an oyster deals with the irritation of a grain of sand we coat the issue with more and more layers of hurt until a rock of sorts is formed.

But this rock is no pearl. It’s a rock with which we’ll eventually build a barrier or use it to hurl hurt in eventual retaliation.

In processing these definitions, studying the thousands of responses to posts I’ve written on raw emotions on my blog, and honestly assessing myself, I determined there are actually 4 categories of unglued reactions:

• Exploders who blame others

• Exploders who shame themselves

• Stuffers who build barriers

• Stuffers who collect retaliation rocks



Once I identified these four categories I wanted to know which one I fell into. You might even be wondering… “what type of reactor am I?” Well, we’ve created an Unglued assessment that you can take to find out!

Remember: these aren’t labels we carry around with us. These are things we’re identifying about ourselves so we can bring our raw emotions and unglued reactions under the healing revelations of Jesus.

Be sure to leave a comment below telling me what your result was. You’ll be entered to win a copy of the Unglued Devotional: 60 Days of Imperfect Progress!

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Where In The World Is Lysa…
But They Won’t Talk To Me
Mean Girls

Afraid To Walk Across The Street

My friend Amy Lively, from The Neighborhood Café, is guest posting today! She’s tackling an issue that so many of us struggle with – breaking out of our comfort zones to reach people in our own backyards with the Gospel. I think you’ll really love the ideas she has. And don’t forget to enter her fun giveaway! Here’s Amy…

“I can do it! I can totally do it!” Someone had spoken life into one of my dreams, and for a few weeks I believed I could do it—I could actually start a neighborhood Bible study in my home. I would lure my neighbors over with coffee and cookies, then spring the Gospel on them—they’d never know what hit ‘em! I penciled the date for an Open House on my calendar, sketched out an invitation, and made lists of silly icebreakers.

This crazy idea rattled around in my heart… but by the time it bounced all the way up to my brain, I wasn’t so confident anymore. Could my little list of “things I’d like to teach about” turn into conversations with real women sitting around my kitchen table? What if no one came? What if everyone came? And then there was the mildly troublesome fact that I didn’t know my neighbors.

Besides…

I don’t have time.

I’m not spiritual enough.

My house isn’t nice enough.

People don’t want to talk about religion.

My excuses were legit. I was busy working from home at our growing business while raising a family. I regularly fought with my husband, yelled at bad drivers (I love personalized license plates so I can call people out by name), and had never gotten around to memorizing the minor Old Testament prophets. My living room, with half-chewed rawhides poking out from behind the sofa cushions, is not Pinteresting. And, some people are a little uncomfortable bringing Jesus home from church.

There was nothing in the Bible telling me how to overcome my logical excuses and rational defenses. But there weren’t any escape clauses, either—and trust me, I looked! Not a single instance of “love your neighbor” was followed by “when your calendar is clear and your house is clean.”

“Please, God,” I begged, “Can’t I go to Africa instead? That would be easier than going across the street.”

Truth is, I was scared stiff—stiffly stuck in my comfort zone, stubbornly resisting God’s nudge out my front door.

My excuses were a thin disguise for my fears: fear of sacrifice, fear of humiliation, fear of being different, fear of rejection.

God never did magically eliminate my excuses, but He did ease my fears with sound scriptural promises about loving till it hurts (Ephesians 5:2), the difference between humiliation and humility (Proverbs 29:23), being weird (1 Peter 3:14-15), and pleasing God—not girlfriends (1 Thessalonians 2:4).

On the flip side of my fear, I found God’s faithfulness. He gave me Christ’s example to follow in my own neighborhood. He promised me honor when I submitted in humility. He offered a crown when others might offer criticism. He entrusted me with the Gospel not as a weapon, but as a way of life and love.

God’s faithfulness went with me as, knees knocking, I knocked on my neighbors’ doors. He led them back to my door, these women I never would have met had I not given into this scheme. We talked and laughed. Many became my friends as we continued to gather in my home every other week.

God broke my heart for my neighbors as I realized this was never about me—it had always been about them.

God’s faithfulness multiplied each hour I dedicated to getting ready; my productivity at work and home soared. No one asked me deep theological questions like, “Do pets go to heaven?” and some days they were a little irked at their families, too. They learned not to wear black pants around our yellow dog, and no one cared that Sara Lee made the snacks. And it turns out they needed Jesus in their homes just as much as I did.

Now when fear raises its ugly head, I remember how God proved His faithfulness as I obeyed His commands and believed His promises.

And this thing I dreaded—even as I was dreaming of it—became my deepest joy.

Would you like to turn your dread into joy by starting your very own neighborhood Bible study, but aren’t sure how?

Today, I’m giving away three Neighborhood Café Kits that hold everything you’ll need to love your neighbors in a whole new way!

The kit includes a planning guide, open house invitations, leader’s guide, and more. To enter, leave a comment below telling me why you’d like to be a winner.

The first time I heard the words “neighborhood Bible study” was at Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks Conference. Each year as I’ve attended She Speaks and She Speaks Intensive, the Proverbs 31 team has stretched my personal faith and expanded my professional ministry. I have never seen so many beautiful women in one place encouraging one another without competing, generously imparting knowledge, equipping women to reach God’s daughters around the world. Read about it, pray about it—then GO TO IT! Click here for more information.

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People-Pleasing
Something I’ve Been Avoiding

Never Doubt The Power Of A Simple Note

(I covered so many of my favorites in the webcast this week so I didn’t do a Friday Favorites post. But never fear, next week’s Friday Favorites is one of the most fun yet!)

Legacy. It’s a beautiful word. Part old-fashioned grace mixed with a stirring desire to have this word be true of the marks I leave with my life.

A life that hasn’t always been pretty. There was a season of my life that was very dark. When my baby sister died very tragically and unexpectedly, my entire world flipped upside down.

What I knew to be true suddenly became questionable.

Is God good? If so, why this? And if I never know why, how can I ever trust God again?

Hard questions. Honest questions. Questions that haunted me.

Until.

One day I got a note from a friend. A girl I not-so-affectionately called my “Bible friend.” She honestly got on my nerves with all her Bible verse quoting. I wasn’t on good terms with God at that point in my life. I didn’t want to believe God even existed. And I certainly wasn’t reading the Bible.

I made all of this very known to my Bible friend. But in her gentle, sweet, kind way… she kept slipping me notes of truth with gently woven verses tucked within.

And one day, one verse cracked the dam of my soul. Truth slipped in and split my hardhearted views of life open just enough for God to make Himself known to me.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Personally. Intimately. Relentlessly.

I held that simple note with one Bible verse scribbled on the front as the tears of honest need streamed down my cheeks. My stiff knees bent. And a whispered “yes God” changed the course of my life.

I will never doubt the power of a simple note again.

And I will never doubt the power of one woman reaching into the life of another woman with some whisper of love.

She reached me. She helped change me.

So, I want to reach into her life now and thank her. But how?

Here’s a beautiful way… a “Legacy card” from Proverbs 31 Ministries.

These are also perfect for Mother’s Day. For more information on getting a Legacy card sent to the special women in your life, click here.

I love doing life with you, my blog friends. I treasure you and count you as one of my greatest blessings. So, as I remember to thank my special friend who sent me that life-changing note so long ago… I want to pause… to also thank you.

Thank you for taking time to visit here at my little blog home. Thank you for taking time to slip comment notes under my door.

Your words of sweet encouragement spur me on in so many ways each day. You have left a beautiful mark on my life.

I just wanted to make sure you knew.

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A Note From the Principal

Unglued Summer Sanity Savers Webcast Replay Available

I had so much fun last night with my friend Crystal sharing our summer sanity tips! But here’s a little reminder of the most important tip from the webcast — don’t try all of these tips or you will go insane. Seriously. Try one or two that work for you and your family!

And in case you weren’t able to tune in to the live feed, the replay is available to watch below. Technology — it’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it?

Here are some of the links mentioned in the webcast:

Crystal Paine – Money Saving Mom

Motivated Moms

Amazon.com

Kids Bowl Free

HolisticHomemaking.org

CamelCamelCamel.com

Unglued

Unglued Devotional

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Summer Sanity Savers
Thanks for watching the final Unglued webcast!
Unglued Webcast Replay

Friday Favorites: Healthy Summer Recipes

It’s time for my Friday favorites once again! This week we’re going to talk about some easy, healthy meals that my husband, kids and I absolutely love to have for our family dinner nights.

One requirement to continue reading past this point is that you keep an open mind to the recipes I’m about to give, okay? Okay.

{Thanks to Closet Cooking for this photo!}

First up, BBQ chicken pizza with a cauliflower crust. Remember, open mind! It sounds like the strangest thing ever, I know. I can only imagine what my face looked like when my sweet friend Laci first introduced me to this interesting food choice, but I promise you it is delicious. And it’s healthy. A win-win!

Here’s the recipe so you can try it for yourself…

1/2 Large head of cauliflower (= 2+ cups of shredded cauliflower)

1 Large egg

1 Cup finely shredded mozzarella cheese

1 Teaspoon of oregano

1/2 Teaspoon of dried minced garlic (or fresh garlic)

1/2 Teaspoon of onion salt

To make the crust:

1. Shred the cauliflower into small crumbles. You can use a food processor, just be careful not to puree. I use a cheese grater and it works fine. You will need 2+

cups of cauliflower crumbles. Place the cauliflower crumbles into a large bowl and microwave them dry for 8 minutes. Let the cauliflower cool.

2. Prepare the crust: Preheat the oven to 450 degrees F. Spray a cookie sheet or pizza pan with non-stick spray. In a medium bowl, mix the cauliflower crumbles with the remaining ingredients. Pat the “crust” into a 9 to 12 – inch round shape or a rectangular shape on the prepared pan. Spray the crust lightly with nonstick spray and bake for 15 minutes or until golden. Remove the crust from the oven and turn the heat up to broil.

3. Prepare the Pizza: Decide what toppings you want on your pizza. I chose to make BBQ chicken Pizza (see topping recipe below.) Top the crust with the barbecue chicken mixture, add red onion and top with cheese. Broil the pizza for 3 to 4 minutes, or until the toppings are hot and the cheese is melted and bubbly. Top with fresh cilantro. Cut and serve immediately.

This pizza is best served on a plate with a fork.

For the BBQ chicken topping:

1/2 Cup barbecue sauce

1 Cup cooked, shredded chicken breast

3/4 Cup shredded Gouda cheese (you can use mozzarella or any kind of cheese you

like – Gouda goes well with BBQ Chicken)

Thinly sliced red onions

Fresh cilantro

You can really tailor this recipe to whatever kind of pizza your family likes – pepperoni, veggie, extra cheese, etc.

And then for dessert… drum roll, please… avocado chocolate ice cream!

{Thanks to Vegan Culinary Crusade for this photo!}

Y’all. I don’t know about you, but when someone tells me there’s a healthy way to get some chocolate into my system, my excitement level rises. I love chocolate. My family loves chocolate. This is perfect!

1/2 Avocado

3/4 Cup coconut or almond milk

1/3 Cup hot cocoa mix (You can use sugar-free if you’d like. You can also switch out the chocolate for frozen strawberries)

2 Cups ice, add more for thicker mix

4 Baby carrots

1 Rib of celery

Blend on high speed of blender for about 45 seconds.

Serve immediately.

If these recipes just saved your mind a whole lot of trouble in deciding what to have for dinner tonight, you won’t want to miss my FREE Summer Sanity Savers webcast on Tuesday, April 23 at 8pm (EST). My friend Crystal Paine and I will be talking about how to save money, time, and of course, your sanity! Just sign up below to receive a reminder about the webcast.

Type your email address
here to receive a reminder
about this free webcast.

Here’s some more exciting news… today I’m giving away a $250 Amazon gift certificate! Yes! You can win a $250 gift certificate (that would be crazy fun, hunh?!) There’s a whole lot more on Amazon than just books. You could use that credit toward new kitchen appliances to whip up some healthy meals this summer. Smiles.

All you have to do is leave a comment below giving me your summer sanity saving tips. I will announce one blog commenter as the winner on the webcast Tuesday See you there!

Related posts:

Summer Sanity Savers
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Summer Sanity Savers

Ahhhh, summertime. The word itself just seems so full of relaxation, right? But if your household is anything like mine, things get a little hectic when that sweet season rolls around.

School’s out. Stress from balancing everyone’s schedule is in.

Preparing for vacation and resolving all of the “growth opportunities” that my daughters have on the way leaves me feeling like I need another vacation just to recover.

And I know you can probably relate to the struggle of fighting off those unglued mama moments every day.

Well, I’ve got three words for you: Summer. Sanity. Savers. (Try saying that ten times fast. And by the way, you will see me getting the words quite tangled up in the video below!) Want to find out more? Watch this…

If you don’t have your planner nearby, don’t sweat it! We’ll send you an e-mail with the important details — all you need to do is sign up to receive those reminders. I’ll see you on April 23 at 8pm (EST) right here on my blog!

Type your email address
here to receive a reminder
about this free webcast.

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A Message From Hope And A Giveaway!

Hey everyone! Hope TerKeurst here – I’m taking over my mom’s Encouragement for Today devotion AND her blog for the day. So we’re gonna have a lot of fun together.

If there’s one thing I love to do, it’s spend quality time with others. Whether it’s with my friends, my family, or someone I just met, I love to take time to see what’s going on in their world. It’s fun and I find a lot of fulfillment in it. So when my mom and I had the opportunity to work on a book together, I was really excited to get started.

Now that What Happens When Young Women Say Yes to God has been released, I want to share a little excerpt from the book with you. Maybe it will help you to have an encouraging conversation with a young woman in your life about her relationship with God.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” 
Believe me, this is a question you’ll hear often as you make your way through high school. I have friends who let that question take over their thoughts, decisions, and worries, but I want to share with you a different way to look toward the future.

Try asking “Who do you want to be?”

That’s the question I focus on because it challenges me to find my identity and path in God and not through circumstances. Maybe another way to say that is: Whose do you want to be?

I want to be God’s daughter now and in the future.

At any given moment, if I’m striving to seek God’s will and trust His leading, I am doing the right thing. Someone recently asked me how I made the decision to do my first mission trip.

When I look at that time in my life, I clearly see God’s leading and intervention. The opportunity presented itself through a school requirement. I’m a planner, and I always think through my next steps, but in this case, I just went for it. I had no idea what I was heading into, but God gave me a great peace and the strength to say yes.

This ended up being a life-changing, faith-building, passion- forming event. I would’ve missed this vital part of my story if I had given over to fears sparked by the “what” questions. What will happen when I’m there? What will it be like to not have the comforts of home? What if I’m not good at this?

We can ask these questions until we make ourselves sick with worry, or we can embrace the yes life and the extraordinary story God is calling us to experience. As for me, I plan to keep asking who I want to be and whose I want to be. When I look beyond the world’s expectations and toward God’s best for me personally, the future is bright, exciting, purposeful, and incredibly inviting.

Will you join me in the yes adventure?
 Let’s look forward together…fearless and faithful.

I know my mom usually does Friday Favorites, but this week, I’m doing a fun giveaway with all of my favorite things to enjoy the Spring weather!

It includes…

- A Starbucks gift card

- My favorite nail polish color

- Tote bag

- Sun hat

- Necklace

- A copy of What Happens When Young Women Say Yes to God

Just leave a comment below telling me who you would give this to and why. I can’t wait to read your responses!

-Hope

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The Day My Fragile Identity As A Mom Melted

She had the most angelic sweetheart lips. And eyes blue as the most inviting of oceans. Blonde ringlet curls. Chubby cheeks begging to be kissed over and over and over.

Little hands that instinctively curled around my finger while simultaneously melting my heart.

Pure sweetness wrapped in a pink blanket.

And then came the day this little creature pursed those lips, gripped the toy in her hand, tilted her blonde ringlet pigtailed head and screamed, “Mine! Mine! Mine!”

It was a small red toy my friend let her borrow. My friend who was much more organized than me. She had brought along toys and baggies of cheerios to keep the kids entertained during our coffee date. The plan to use this toy as temporary entertainment had worked beautifully. Until it was time to go.

I could feel a burning flush of embarrassment rush from my chest to my face.

Of course my friend’s child was shining her halo with one hand while happily handing over her yellow toy with the other.

Awesome.

“Mine! Mine!” My daughter screamed as every eye in the small java joint stared at me.

I pried the toy from her hand, thanked my friend, and hoisted my kicking and screaming daughter out of the wooden highchair. And then in slow motion I watched in horror as she knocked my paper coffee cup from my hand and sent it careening across the floor.

I felt my fragile identity as a mom melt into the puddle of spilled coffee. What happened to my angel? My beautiful, beautiful daughter was…. not so angelic.

It’s been many years since that day in the coffee shop.

But oh how I wish I could go back and sit with my little inexperienced mommy self on the drive home that day.

I would say, “Your daughter is a child in need of a parent. She needs to be taught. And some of your best teaching opportunities will come when she puts her sin nature on display. Don’t fear or fret or feel like this is some sort of failure on your part. Her outside demonstrations are an internal indication of her need for guidance. So guide her. Love her. And always remember to be the parent. Not her friend. Not her buddy. The parent.”

That daughter is 19 years old now. And is an absolute delight.

But growing her up wasn’t always easy. There were many more times when she put her sin nature on display. And each time I had to choose to be the parent.

It’s not easy to be the parent. It seems less and less popular to tell kids no.

As parents, we need to set boundaries. Teach our kids the difference between realistic and unrealistic expectations. Not cater to their every whim. Draw lines between what’s appropriate and inappropriate for language, entertainment, and the length of our hem line. Model manners. And what it looks like to seek a life of godliness, not just religious activity.

Glory knows I’ve been so imperfect with all this.

But holding the line on being the parent, even when done imperfectly, is good.

And will be worth it.

Even in those seasons where you feel as if they’re doing everything the opposite of what you’ve taught them. All that parenting is in them. And the fruit of that will emerge one day.

Be the parent.

That’s what our kids need so desperately.

And be encouraged my sweet friend… you’re doing better than you think you are.

Related posts:

The Place Where Disappointment Grows
Dear God, Where Are You?
There’s No Way

Friday Favorites: Cuteness

To start this Friday Favorites, I must advise you first and foremost not to forget to wash the conditioner out of your hair. It’s never a good idea. And then deciding to just blow dry it and hope for the best?

Well, that’s just a whole ‘nother level of disaster.

I speak from personal experience people.

It’s the opposite of this week’s theme, cuteness.

First, the shoes. I’m not typically an animal print kind of gal. But I adore the cuteness found in the leopard flat. I’m not sure at all if you can wear these into the spring and summer so I may be a day late and a dollar short on including these. But at $19.99 I couldn’t resist. Thank you Target.

The earrings. These just make me want to be nice to somebody. Not that I’m typically in the mood to be not nice. But slipping these on with a casual white t-shirt, your favorite jeans, a few slim gold bangles (and maybe even the leopard flats) just might make me want to hug you.

And that’s big. Because while I do love a good handshake, I’m an awkward hugger. But not in these earrings. I’m convinced.

The bag. This is one I’ll have to save for. It’s a bit pricey. But I think I could just casually sling this on and it might make even a grocery store trip fun. Oh who am I kidding. Grocery stores are never fun. But maybe with this purse they might be?

The necklace. Y’all know I write for and adore my friends at (in)Courage

Well, they recently came out with this “Redeemed Necklace” that I think makes for the perfect birthday little something-something for a friend. I love the layered charm look and the meaning of “redeemed.” I might have just bought one for you. See details below.

The Tea. I have no idea if I’d like the actual taste of this tea but I sure do like the thought of it. I’m trying to drink less sodas (I know, I know all my organic friends are just horrified that I like carbonated chemicals. They are all the time giving me scary articles to read. But the delight of the fizz just sometimes calls my name.)

Think of how impressed they’d be if they saw me just casually sipping on this tea with fruit hanging off the side. Is lemon a fruit? I’m thinking yes.

And finally the notebook. I just love something cute upon which to scribble my lists and thoughts and ideas. Life is too short to use the backs of receipts to entrust your most profound ideas, or absolutely not profound at all ideas.

So, back to the necklace I mentioned above. I’m giving one away today! Just leave a comment below telling me what you’d like to see covered on future Friday Favorites posts and you’ll be entered to win. And then the next time we see each other we could both wear them and be twins! Or not.

Smiles. Happy Friday.

Related posts:

Friday Favorite: Brag to Win!
Friday Favorites: Spring into Spring
The Only Thing That Counts