Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 29

Thank God for Smelly Shoes

Hi friends! I’m so glad you’ve joined me for week 3 of the 4-week series I’m doing to speak to fragile mama hearts everywhere. (Click here if you missed week 1 or click here if you missed week 2.)

In my motherhood journey, how many shoes will I pick up and put back, only to pick them up and put them back again…and again…and again?

One day, when my children were younger, I remember counting more than 14 pairs of shoes that were just within eyesight of where I was sitting. I was frustrated that these shoes weren’t where they were supposed to be. Visions of chore charts and consequences for leaving things out started dancing about in my mind.

I even went so far as to think that this was yet more evidence that my kids are not as thankful as they should be. Kids who were truly thankful for their shoes would care enough to tuck them into their closet shoe racks.

But as I mentally chided my children for their ungratefulness, I felt God gently give me a piece of my own reprimand.

Was I modeling thankfulness in this moment?

Scattered shoes are a normal, everyday thing with a hidden treasure about them. It’s all in how I choose to look at these shoes that will determine whether I feel drained and frustrated or filled up and thankful.

I stopped and thanked God for this evidence of life. Some had grass and dirt on them as proof that our kids were healthy and strong enough to run and play. Some had scuffmarks from one too many dances on the concrete outside. Some had teeth marks from our beloved dog, Champ, whose favorite pastime is chasing kids, balls, and stray shoes. One had paint on it from a school project. But all were well worn, broken in, and definitely used.

These shoes tell stories of life, if only I make the choice to listen.

Maybe you’ve felt a little frustrated with the shoes scattered about your home as well. But the next time you pick them up, instead of letting frustration whisk you away, listen carefully to the story they tell. Listen carefully and thank God for each and every precious soul who wears those shoes.

Today… let’s look at it all through the lens of thanksgiving. Instead of seeing a mess and frowning, let’s see rich evidence of life and smile.

One commenter will win 4 signed copies of my book, Am I Messing Up My Kids? – one copy to keep and 3 to give away to other mamas in need! Leave a comment below telling me who you would give the 3 copies away to, and why.

Related posts:

Why Do I Feel That It’s My Fault When My Child Messes Up?
Could I Be The Worst Mom Ever?
The Most Important Lesson

Friday Favorites: Intentional Gifts

I love getting gifts and giving gifts that have a deeper meaning to them. Gifts that are wrapped in love, have Scriptural teaching, or support organizations that are changing the world in Jesus’ name. Yes, I treasure the rarity of finding intentional gifts to bless those closest to me.

And after getting to know you through the sweet comments you tuck away on my posts, friend, I think you feel the same way.

So, as Christmas approaches, I’m gathering up ideas for intentional gift-giving.

1) Wool Blend Knit Twist Cowl – My friend Brittany makes these scarves to help put her husband through Bible school – they are truly an example of a couple who works together as a team. Every stitch she knits is such a beautiful act of love.

2) Truly Treasured Wallet – This wallet has a unique flair to it, not just because of the design, but because it has Scripture (Romans 8:28) embroidered on the other side. Each time you go to use this wallet, you will be reminded you are treasured and that God is working all things for good to fulfill His purpose in your life.

3) I Am His Medallion Necklace – I love this! It was given to me and I wear it often. The necklace proclaims that “I am His” with Scriptural affirmation on the back. (Jeremiah 1:5)

4) – These special ornaments proclaim timeless truth as you trim your tree this year. Each set includes seven names of Jesus and a small book with stories to read about the significance of each name. This is a beautiful way to connect the wonder of Jesus with your children, family, and friends.

Leave a comment today with the name of one of your friends and which of these gifts you’d like to give her. I’ll randomly pick one commenter to win the gift you picked for your friend and an extra one for yourself.

So fun. Happy Friday!

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Friday Favorites – Celebrating Moms Everywhere
Friday Favorites: Cuteness
Merry Christmas

Why Do I Feel That It’s My Fault When My Child Messes Up?

Welcome to week 2 of the 4-week series I’m doing to answer the question many of us moms have… Lord, am I messing up my kids? (Click here if you missed last week’s post.)

Have you ever struggled with letting a circumstance that came your way suddenly define you? This seems to be a lesson God lets me live over and over. He wants to be my only definition of who I am.

I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved. I know this. I teach this.

I believe this in the very depths of my soul. Yet it is so easy for me to slip into redefining myself when situations arise.

Several years ago, one of my precious-precious-precious-yet-just-as-apt-to-sin-as-the-rest-of-us kids was called to the principal’s office—on the very day I received an invitation to speak at a national parenting conference, thank you very much.

With my head I was able to see the situation for what it was. “My child is in the process of being shaped. My child is strong, and while this will serve her well later in life, strength in an immature little person begs to be disciplined. She is a sweet child who made a not-so-sweet choice.”

However, with my heart I felt like a failure. I wanted to decline the opportunity to speak at that conference and go crawl in a hole somewhere. A part of me felt as though I’d been called to the principal’s office as the voice of condemnation started haunting me, “You are a bad mom. You have a bad child. You have a bad home.”

So, quietly, I slipped away with Jesus. And I did what I’ve done a hundred times before. I held those condemnations up to the Lord and asked Him to help me see this situation the way He wants me to see it. Not the way others see it, not the way my heart is tempted to see it, but the way He sees it.

Matthew 7:24-27 says:

Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Do you know what amazes me about those verses? Both the person doing right and the person doing wrong experienced hard times. In both cases the rains came, the streams rose, and the wind blew and beat against the house.

Just because we’re parents living out God’s principles for life does not mean we won’t face difficult circumstances.

God’s Spirit spoke to my heart that day and said, “Let Me invade your natural flesh reaction. Instead of letting your mind run wild with this, sit with Me for a while. Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

So I sat and I prayed. I went from defining myself as a failure of a mom to being a praying mom who can face a hardship in a godly way. The frustration was diffused as I determined to look at this from God’s perspective.

Once again, God reassured me. I am not a bad mom. My child is not a bad child. My home is not a bad home. This situation is a call to action. There is a character issue that needs to be addressed within the heart of my child. And kids are supposed to have character issues that need to be addressed. That’s why God gave them parents. That’s why God gave me this specific child. God sees within me the ability to be the one He’s perfectly designed to raise up this child.

When hard times come and beat against our stability, we must be determined to hear God’s words and put them into practice. Then nothing can topple our peace, security, or true identity.

I’m not sure who else needed to hear that—but I know I certainly did. So dry your tears, sweet mama. Today is a new day. A day when we will only be defined by God’s truth and grace as we navigate this wild wonder called parenthood.

—

We all need to extend grace to ourselves and enjoy slow moments to recharge our hearts. Today, I’m giving away 3 treat bundles that include a Starbucks gift card, a candle, and a copy of my book Am I Messing Up My Kids? to help you do just that.

To be entered to win, leave a comment below telling me what verses you rely on when handling a hard situation with your child. {All winners will be notified via e-mail.}

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Could I Be The Worst Mom Ever?
When Strong Mamas Feel Quite Weak
The Day My Insecurities Didn’t Win

Could I Be The Worst Mom Ever?

I am so completely spent. I have nothing left to give. What’s wrong with me? I am so afraid I am going to be a complete failure as a mother. Lord, am I going to mess up my kids?

These thoughts have swirled around and around in my heart over the course of my motherhood journey. I’ve spent many a day half questioning myself – half begging God for help through the tears and the doubts.

Over the next 4 weeks, let’s answer the crazy question many of us have asked: Am I messing up my kids? No, I don’t think we are. Join me each week right here on my blog to participate in the conversation. You’ll be encouraged and empowered to be the mom God knows you can be, and by the end of these 4 weeks, I think you’ll agree!

—

I felt pulled in a thousand directions.

Ashley wanted me to watch her at gymnastics. Hope wanted to be dropped off at a friend’s house. Brooke wanted a friend to come over, and the boys had to be taken to their soccer game. All in one day. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with the kids. I love my children and love spending time with them. It’s just that I was tired.

I was serving from the dregs of my bucket rather than the overflow.

On a scale from one to ten, my stress level hovered around a seven. I wanted to take time to be with the Lord and allow His Word to bathe my parched soul and bring my stress back to a manageable level, but constant time crunches kept me distracted. Feeling tired and underappreciated, I should have known I was setting myself up for failure.

On Saturday morning, I was out the door by 5:45am with four boys and Ashley in tow. About halfway to the soccer game, the kids brought it to my attention that nobody had eaten breakfast. My stress level jumped to a nine and voices of accusation started dancing in my head. What kind of mom sends her kids to play soccer with no food in their bellies?

We didn’t have time to stop before dropping the boys off at the field, but they would have a warm-up time before the game started, which would give me time to zip through a drive-through and bring food back to them. So I dropped the boys off and then Ashley and I went to find biscuits.

When I got to the window to pick up my food, I was surprised by the enormous size of our drinks. The cups were so large they wouldn’t fit in my car’s cup holders. I told Ashley to please hold on to the drinks as they would tip easily if we weren’t careful. I had no sooner turned out of the parking lot when I hit a pothole, and what seemed like gallons of tea dumped onto the floor of my car. In a frustrated huff I raised my voice. “Ashley, I told you to hold on to those drinks!”

My stress level jumped past a ten when Ashley snapped back at me, “Mom, YOU just made me spill the drinks!”

I don’t know from what dark, unbridled corner of my heart my next response came. It must have been lurking there for a while just waiting to pop out and horrify me.

Me, the mom who had taken such pride that she’d never cussed at her kids.

Me, the Proverbs 31 woman with a ministry teaching women the importance of using kind words to correct her children.

Me, the woman who teaches Bible studies, whipped my head around to my daughter and yelled a sentence that included a word I couldn’t believe I said. It’s the same word that is used when referring to the houses beavers make. But that’s not what I meant. There it was in broad daylight…a cuss word that spilled from my lips.

The same lips that read bedtime stories, say nighttime prayers, and tenderly kiss my children good night. The same lips that tell others about Jesus. The same lips that sing God’s praises. Oh, the horror I felt.

After a few moments of silence, I apologized. We drove to the soccer game, and while Ashley delivered her brothers’ biscuits I called a friend. With tears in my eyes, I recounted the morning’s events. Then, before I told her the dreaded sentence, I warned her, “You are going to think I’m the worst mom ever. You’re just not going to believe what I did!” Then I whispered what I’d yelled at Ashley…beaver home and all.

“That’s it? That’s it? That’s what you are so upset about? Apologize to her, ask God for forgiveness, and get over it. So you had a hard morning. Stop letting Satan get the best of you and ask God to give you a new attitude.”

What? She didn’t condemn me? She didn’t agree that I’m the worst mom ever? She didn’t hop in her van, speed my way, and stone me? What freedom. What a gift of grace. What a friend!

I bowed my head and asked God to protect Ashley’s heart from the dart I shot at her, and I asked Him to wipe this whole event from her mind. I asked God to forgive me, not just for my ugly words, but most of all for getting too busy to spend time with Him.

As I mopped up my van overflowing with tea, I realized I’d been living life backward that week. I was letting my to-do list overflow while withholding my time with the Lord. When what I should have done is let my time with the Lord overflow while withholding my to-do list.

It’s a mistake I think a lot of us moms make. We’re slaves to the tyranny of the urgent. But how can we continue to pour out if we aren’t being filled back up on a daily basis? The flood of demands will consume us if we don’t take the time to let God right our perspective, reduce our stress level, and whisper His tender truths of love in our ear.

Have you ever had a “worst mom ever” day? Take heart, so have we all. Take my friend’s advice. Apologize to your children. Ask God for forgiveness. Get over it and stop letting Satan drag you down. Spend time with the Lord getting a new attitude, and He’ll help you leave the dams to the beavers!

—

Today I’m giving away 3 Am I Messing Up My Kids? bundles.



Each bundle includes two books: one for you to keep and one to give away to another mom in need. Comment below with who you’d give the other book to, and why, for your chance to win!

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A Soul That Longs For More

A Woman of Love

Above all that is happening to you today, choose love. Love embraces. Love assumes the best. Love dares to hold to truth even when it’s hard.

Love is a good gift to offer.

Love is a decision we make because it so beautifully reflects what Jesus has told us to do. To be. To exude.

To those who love us and to those who don’t.

Love tilts her head in the direction of grace when she hears the whisper, “Let’s dance.”

And then even when her soul is tired and her feet hurt from all the places she’s been instructed to go – a woman of love whispers back, “Yes.”

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Emily Freeman Guest Post and a Giveaway!

Now that the weather is getting cooler here in the US, I’ve started to put away my summer clothes. But as much as I wish I could pack away the bathing suit until next year, I am not able to do that thanks to the invention of the indoor water park.

One of my least favorite things in all the world is an indoor water park. I know in the scope of world troubles, this is trivial. But in a first-world-problem kind of way, indoor water parks are the worst.

But I go. And I suffer. For the kids.

Of all the things I dislike about these parks – the humidity, the smell, the wearing-of-the-bathing-suit-whilst-standing-on-steps – I found one redeeming quality that nearly made up for it.

The lifeguards.

These lifeguards are no whistle-twirling, chair-lounging, teenage-flirting type of lifeguards. These people are serious and focused. Not only are they always on their feet, they never stop moving.

It is as if they are each assigned an eight-foot length of the pool, no more and no less. They are responsible for those eight feet and anyone who swims in front of them. They pace their assigned distance back and forth on the edge of the pool, eyes never leaving the water.

It is impressive to watch, as much as I don’t want to admit that anything impresses me at the water park.

As I watched them, I couldn’t help but think about my life, my calling, and my own eight-foot assignment.

Some of us grow up hearing the sky is the limit and we can do anything if we set our minds to it. And while it seems like a positive and encouraging message to tell our kids, it is unfair and untrue.

Possibility can be as overwhelming as it is inspiring. At first it can feel terribly exciting to imagine anything is possible — until you sprint flat into the wall of your own limits in the form of lack of energy, bad timing, comparison, competition, and distraction.

Could it be possible that your limits – those things you curse and wish were different about yourself – are not holding you back but pointing you forward?

It seems to me when I finally recognize my inability is when Christ shows up able within me. But He doesn’t equip me to do every job possible, He equips me to do the job meant for me.

If you’re willing to face your inability, you are able to see what is outside your circle of influence and responsibility so that you may embrace and focus on the small part that belongs to you and only to you.

Could it be possible that the reason we are so overwhelmed is because we are focused on the whole pool, forgetting our own eight-foot assignment?

You have a job to do and it won’t look like mine or his or theirs. It looks like yours. It isn’t the whole pool, but it’s still important.

The fact that you can’t cover the whole pool at once doesn’t mean you are a failure, it just means you have the wrong goal. It also means you need other people around you to do their jobs, too.

What would it look like if we all began to uncover the art we were born to make, the hints of our own design hidden in the sacred curve of our souls? What if we began to consider how our limits might actually be our guideposts, gifts along our pathway to remind us what our calling isn’t so that we may be more open to what it is?

Are you a writer beginning to explore your own story? Do you want to write words that are memorable and life-changing but aren’t quite sure which part of the pool belongs to you? Consider joining Lysa and the Proverbs 31 team by registering for Compel, a membership site for influencers who want to write words to influence people.

Are you a mama, a teacher, a lawyer, a manager, or anyone longing to do work that matters? Perhaps you are motivated to move within your own section of the pool but are unsure what section that is.

I wrote a book for you. It’s called A Million Little Ways: Uncover the Art You Were Made to Live and it is for the person who fears she has nothing to offer but secretly hopes she’s wrong. It’s for the person who wants to be brave enough to move toward what makes her come alive. I hope it’s for you.

Today we are giving away 5 copies! To enter to win, simply leave a comment below.

Emily P. Freeman is the author of three books, including her latest, A Million Little Ways. Whether in her writing or speaking, Emily’s words create space for souls to breathe. She and her husband, John, live in North Carolina with their three children. She would love to connect with you at her blog, Chatting at the Sky, where she is writing a series every day in October: 31 days of Living Art.

 

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Little Touches of Fall

The cooler weather and the changing leaves make me smile. Fall is my favorite time of the year.

I love putting little fall touches throughout my home. But I’ll admit most of my fall decorating efforts are just plain pitiful. So, when I found some items that look beautiful and have a God-honoring purpose, I just had to share.

My amazing friend, Lori, set these up in her home so I could see how to copy them. I’m all about copying decorating ideas! If you are too… enjoy!

Leave Him Thanks Wreath: This wreath is a unique addition to any home during the fall, Thanksgiving, or year-round. Made with leaves of vintage paper imprinted with verses and hymns of praise, it can serve as a reminder for you and your family to leave the Lord thanks in both word and song.

It’s a beautiful way to apply Deuteronomy 6:6-9 in your home: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.”

Untie Your Story Napkin Ties: As you gather friends and family around your table, add a vintage feel with these 12 reusable napkin ties. Each frayed-edged ribbon is imprinted with a different question or thought to invite heart-crafted conversation focused on gratitude, such as:

- Name one aspect about the way you were raised for which you are grateful.

- Have you ever waited for something and later discovered that the delay was for your good? Describe why you are now grateful for the waiting time.

- Name five gifts from God that you can see from where you are sitting right now.

Hear untold stories about family and friends and share your own experiences around the Thanksgiving Day table or any time of year.

And here’s a special bonus – I liked these items designed by the amazing Barbara Rainey so much, I asked her if I could sell them to my friends through the Proverbs 31 Ministries store. She agreed! So, now I can make my friends happy and raise money to support the ministry. And that just makes me thrilled. Click here to purchase your fall decorations. (Please note: we have a very limited supply so if you’re interested in these items, place your order right away!)

Today, I’m giving away one wreath and one set of napkin ties. For your chance to win, leave a comment below with your most treasured Thanksgiving memory.

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People-Pleasing

Hello, my name is Lysa and I want people to like me. So, I will sometimes say yes when I really want to say no. And when I do say no, I sometimes worry about how much I’m disappointing that person.

I would much rather write this blog in past tense. Like, “I used to struggle with this but I’ve really matured past it all. So, let me share how I bravely say no and never fret over that decision.”

But this isn’t a past tense issue in my life.

Though I have gotten better, I still have quite a ways to go. When I wrote Unglued, I confessed how hard it is for me to be honest with some people. My tendency to just stuff and smile has at its root this desire to be liked.

No matter how I want to spin what this is, I have to call it people-pleasing.

It’s part of my DNA to love others. Love them and not disappoint them. But I have to realize, real love is honest. Real love cares enough about other people to say no when saying yes would build up a barrier in the relationship. Real love pursues authenticity rather than chasing acceptance.

We must not confuse the command to love with the disease to please.

So here’s how I’m challenging myself to break free from people-pleasing…I have to make peace with these realities:

* I am going to disappoint someone.

Every yes will cost me something. Every no carries with it the potential for disappointment.

Either I will disappoint this person by not meeting the full extent of their expectations, or I will disappoint my family by taking too much time from them. Do I wish I could say yes to everything and still keep my sanity? Yes! But I can’t. So here’s how I will say no:

“Thank you for asking me. My heart says yes, yes, yes-but the reality of my time says no.”

A good verse for this is Proverbs 29:25, “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.”

* I must pause before giving immediate answers.

Sometimes it might be realistic for me to say yes, but I’ve learned to let my yes sit for a spell. Pausing allows me to assess how much stress this will add into my life. The person asking me for this favor probably won’t be on the receiving end of my stress. It’s the people I love the most that will start getting my worst when I say yes to too many people.

So, here’s how I will give myself time to make an honest assessment:

“Thank you for asking me. Let me check in with my family. If you haven’t heard back from me by the end of the week, please connect with me again.”

A good verse for this is found in Proverbs 31. Tucked between all the responsibilities she has is a verse that reveals her attitude. Proverbs 31:25 says, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” What this says to me is she doesn’t set her heart up to dread what lies ahead.

* Make peace with the fact some people won’t like me.

In an effort to keep my life balanced, I will have to say no to many things. If someone stops liking me for saying no they’ll eventually stop liking me even if I say yes right now.

There are some people I won’t please no matter how much I give. And some people won’t stop liking me no matter how many times I say no. My true friends are in that second group and I love them for that.

Here’s a great verse for this: “For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man I would not be a servant of Christ,” (Galatians 1:10).

Now, I want to hear from you. Do you have some people-pleasing tendencies you know you need to work on? Or, have you discovered some things you’d like to share to help those still working through this?

I’d love to hear from you on this topic today. Let’s chat it up in the comments below. 3 commenters will be chosen to win an Unglued bundle complete with an Unglued book, Unglued Devotional, and a set of key tags.

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I Don’t Want To Be A Writer

I’ve loved to write for as long as I can remember knowing words. But, learning to write words that connect took a while. A long while.

You see, there’s a big difference between writing and connecting. Writing is the craft of stringing words together under the guidelines of certain standards. Connecting is crafting words with movement. Words that stir and pop and buzz and linger and, best of all, mess with the reader.

That’s the connection I want when I read. So, I need to make sure that’s the connection I create when I write.

Let’s be honest, no one wants their words to be scanned. We want them to be read, ingested, and digested. Digested to the point where they become part of what the reader is pondering for that day. Maybe even part of what the reader brings up in conversation with their friends.

That’s when you know your words have movement. Words that leap from the flat page and start traveling from this conversation to the next… those are words that connect. Saturate those words with God’s truth and they’ll change the world.

And maybe it’s a bit lofty to think a simple redneck girl who recently had a Spanx malfunction could craft words that move. But I’m daring to try.

Care to join me?

Whatever you’re writing today be it a blog post, an article, or even an email where you need to move people to action, ask yourself three questions before sending forth your words:

1. Does this have emotion?

It’s hard to create “motion” without some sort of “emotion.” Be it passion, laughter, tears, inspiration, encouragement or even challenge – will this connect on a heart level of some sort? We don’t scan things that make us go “hmmm,” “ha!,” or “ohhh.”

2. Do I need to store any of these words in my junk drawer?

Strange question, I know. But think about that junk drawer. It’s where you put the extra stuff you’ll need one day but not right now. We should have a place like that for points we want to make but shouldn’t make today. Sometimes we sacrifice saying one great thing because we’re trying to say too many things all at once. Stick with one great point. Use the fewest words possible to make that point. And put all those other points in your junk drawer to use another day.

3. Have I landed my plane in the right city?

Stick with me through this quirky question too. When you start your writing piece you need to alert people where you’re going on this journey. Most people do that. But then too many writers veer off course and land their article in a completely different place by the end. Make sure to re-read your beginning sentences and complete your journey exactly as you promised.

Writing. Connecting.

Two words that seem so similar and yet are worlds apart.

Like I said, I don’t want to be a writer. I want to be a connector… one who connects the world with movement that might not have been found if I hadn’t dared to write.

If you’re looking to be a connector too, I’d like to invite you to join the Proverbs 31 Ministries team and me as we launch our brand new training program for writers and influencers called COMPEL: Words That Move People.

Click here to sign up today – don’t miss getting in at the introductory price. We’re going to have so much fun learning together.

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Breathing Life Into The Hard Places

Do you ever have those days when nothing seems to go right?

Maybe your morning started out with such promise but quickly dissolved when you spilled coffee all over your lap.

… or when you were running right on time for work only to discover that you had locked your keys in your car.

… or when your people all collectively decided to do things today to make you come completely unglued.

I’ve been there. And I’m excited to tell you about a resource written by women who have been there, too. Proverbs 31 Ministries just released our devotion book, Encouragement for Today, to speak into the hard places in life. Here’s a sneak peek of one of my devotions in the book:

When Friendship Is Tough

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. (1 Peter 3:8)

One of the wisest pieces of advice on friendship I ever got was from one of my daughters. She was in middle school at the time. You know, that awkward place where insecurities run rampant, hormones rage, and your best friend one day becomes your worst enemy the next? So lovely.

She got in the car one day with tears filling her eyes. She waited until we pulled out of the school parking lot to let all her hurt leak down her cheeks.

“Rough day?” I asked.

“Awful,” she replied.

I turned down the radio, waited until we were at a red light, and reached for her hand. “Wanna talk about it?”

“Nope,” she whispered as she turned her face away from me toward the window. The rest of the night she sulked around the house. And no matter how many times I tried to get her to talk, this normally very talkative child wouldn’t open up.

The next morning, I was surprised when she bounded down the stairs with a smile on her face.

“Well hey! You sure look happy this morning,” I said as I lifted up quick thank-you prayers to God for whatever had brought back the sunshine to my girl’s life.

“Mom,” she said with great authority, “I’ve decided something about friends. They all have good stuff and bad stuff. Things you like and things that really annoy you. So, you just have to decide if you can handle their package deal.”

How wise. How true.

Friends are a package deal. And sadly, not all friendships will stand the test of time. Some friendships are for a season. But other times, we have to be willing to deal with the messy stuff to fight for our friendships.

Recently, I had something hard happen with a friend I dearly love and greatly respect. A misunderstanding. Hurt feelings. Frustration. Part of me wanted to distance myself because it was hard to sift through the pain. But as I prayed through it, I had to remind myself this person is a package deal. Part of what makes her a great friend I love to be around is her tenacity and passion to accomplish tasks with excellence. But because she is so task oriented, she is less relationally sensitive.

And if I’m honest with myself, I can see that I’m a package deal too. With good stuff … and annoying stuff.

She has issues. I have issues.

We’re both messy people, willing to work on our not-so-fun stuff, fully aware we’re going to hit some muddy little potholes along our friendship path.

But we’ve decided the package deal is worth it.

Dear Lord, thank You for my friendships. I know some will last a lifetime, and some will fade after a season. Please help me be completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing with my friends in love. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Remember

Friends are a package deal. Not all friendships will stand the test of time. Some friendships are for a season; others we have to be willing to fight for.

Reflect

What friendship have you let go of because it got messy? What do you think about fighting for this friendship and reestablishing it?

Respond

Consider one of your friends. How might you invest humility, gentleness, and patience in her or him today?

Power Verses

Ephesians 4:2–3; Colossians 3:13

Today, I’m giving away 5 copies of Encouragement for Today to a few randomly chosen commenters!

Just answer the “respond” question from the devotion above for your opportunity to win.

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