Why Do I Feel That It’s My Fault When My Child Messes Up?

Welcome to week 2 of the 4-week series I’m doing to answer the question many of us moms have… Lord, am I messing up my kids? (Click here if you missed last week’s post.)

Have you ever struggled with letting a circumstance that came your way suddenly define you? This seems to be a lesson God lets me live over and over. He wants to be my only definition of who I am.

I am a child of God, holy and dearly loved. I know this. I teach this.

I believe this in the very depths of my soul. Yet it is so easy for me to slip into redefining myself when situations arise.

Several years ago, one of my precious-precious-precious-yet-just-as-apt-to-sin-as-the-rest-of-us kids was called to the principal’s office—on the very day I received an invitation to speak at a national parenting conference, thank you very much.

With my head I was able to see the situation for what it was. “My child is in the process of being shaped. My child is strong, and while this will serve her well later in life, strength in an immature little person begs to be disciplined. She is a sweet child who made a not-so-sweet choice.”

However, with my heart I felt like a failure. I wanted to decline the opportunity to speak at that conference and go crawl in a hole somewhere. A part of me felt as though I’d been called to the principal’s office as the voice of condemnation started haunting me, “You are a bad mom. You have a bad child. You have a bad home.”

So, quietly, I slipped away with Jesus. And I did what I’ve done a hundred times before. I held those condemnations up to the Lord and asked Him to help me see this situation the way He wants me to see it. Not the way others see it, not the way my heart is tempted to see it, but the way He sees it.

Matthew 7:24-27 says:

Everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.

Do you know what amazes me about those verses? Both the person doing right and the person doing wrong experienced hard times. In both cases the rains came, the streams rose, and the wind blew and beat against the house.

Just because we’re parents living out God’s principles for life does not mean we won’t face difficult circumstances.

God’s Spirit spoke to my heart that day and said, “Let Me invade your natural flesh reaction. Instead of letting your mind run wild with this, sit with Me for a while. Be still, and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

So I sat and I prayed. I went from defining myself as a failure of a mom to being a praying mom who can face a hardship in a godly way. The frustration was diffused as I determined to look at this from God’s perspective.

Once again, God reassured me. I am not a bad mom. My child is not a bad child. My home is not a bad home. This situation is a call to action. There is a character issue that needs to be addressed within the heart of my child. And kids are supposed to have character issues that need to be addressed. That’s why God gave them parents. That’s why God gave me this specific child. God sees within me the ability to be the one He’s perfectly designed to raise up this child.

When hard times come and beat against our stability, we must be determined to hear God’s words and put them into practice. Then nothing can topple our peace, security, or true identity.

I’m not sure who else needed to hear that—but I know I certainly did. So dry your tears, sweet mama. Today is a new day. A day when we will only be defined by God’s truth and grace as we navigate this wild wonder called parenthood.

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We all need to extend grace to ourselves and enjoy slow moments to recharge our hearts. Today, I’m giving away 3 treat bundles that include a Starbucks gift card, a candle, and a copy of my book Am I Messing Up My Kids? to help you do just that.

To be entered to win, leave a comment below telling me what verses you rely on when handling a hard situation with your child. {All winners will be notified via e-mail.}

Related posts:

Could I Be The Worst Mom Ever?
When Strong Mamas Feel Quite Weak
The Day My Insecurities Didn’t Win