Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 32

Doing the Right Thing

If you’ve read anything about my life story you know one of the great heartbreaks of my life was my biological father’s absence.

Rejection hurts.

Especially when a little girl experiences rejection from her father; it cuts deep.  And it stings long.

But the Lord was so good to me.  When I was at the awkward age of 12 my mom met Charles. And when he proposed to my mom, he gave me a ring too. I’ll never forget that. He didn’t have to do that. But he did. Because something in his heart said it was the right thing. The rare thing. The thing a very broken 12 year old girl needed.

Charles has been in my life for 30 years. He is my dad. He is my hero.

And you know what my favorite thing about him is? No matter what, no matter how hard it might be, no matter how much it costs or inconveniences him… he’s a man who truly desires to do the right thing.

Always desiring to do the right thing even when it’s hard, is a rare thing. A rare thing indeed.

Recently, he had the chance to sell a business investment. It would have taken a huge load off of him mentally and financially.  There was a buyer. It was a good time to sell.

But selling that business would have meant putting some good people out of a job. And Dad couldn’t do that. It wasn’t the right thing. So he did the rare thing. And he passed up the deal.

When I heard about what Dad had done, there wasn’t one ounce of surprise in my heart.

And I love that.

I love that my dad is known as a man of his word. A man who will do the right thing- the rare thing.

Oh how I want to be like him.

Each day we are faced with decisions.

With some decisions, the right thing is the easy thing.

But some decisions aren’t so clear cut. The right thing isn’t the easy thing. Or, you could even justify that the right thing doesn’t seem so right in light of present circumstances.

Sometimes things are a little muddy. Complicated. Hard. Justifiable. Hidden.

But I always come back to the question my dad asks, “What is the right thing?”

And wrapped in the answer to that question are threads of a legacy that tie my heart to my dad’s. Though we don’t share the same DNA, his imprint on my heart makes me his daughter.

That love runs deep. And it lasts long.

I love you, Dad.

In honor of Father’s Day I have a fun giveaway. My friend, Rob Teigen, wrote an amazing book called 88 Great Daddy-Daughter Dates; and he’s agreed to sign and send a free copy to five randomly chosen commenters from today’s blog.  How fun!

Just leave a comment below with a Bible verse or quote that you think is important to consider when making a decision. Or comment on a time when you had to wrestle with figuring out what the right decision to make really was, and what helped you.

I can’t wait to learn from all your fantastic wisdom today. Thanks!

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A Message From Hope And A Giveaway!
The Day My Fragile Identity As A Mom Melted
The Most Non-Crazy Woman I’ve Ever Met

Friday Favorites: A Relaxing Weekend

If you’ve already taken a sneak peek at the picture below to see what my Friday Favorites are for this week, you may be thinking, how do all of these random things relate to each other?

Relaxation.

That’s what all of these things speak to me. Sweet, sweet ways to relax.

1)  Okay, so this is an old school movie ticket. I know. I wish they still had old school movie prices – yikes. But I do love spending a weekend afternoon with my kids at the movies every once in a while. We check the reviews, make sure it’s appropriate, and off we go. No real planning involved – just an opportunity for us to spend time together.

Then after the movie, I make sure to engage my kids in talking about what we saw. We’ve had some amazing conversations around topics like courage, adventure, and faith after watching good movies.  Do you know of any family friendly movies due out this summer? Do tell.

2) Another thing you might find me doing with my girls is taking a little trip to the nail salon. Sometimes it’s my treat if we are celebrating a special day. Sometimes it’s dutch treat — which means they have to save their own pennies for this fun time.

My personal favorite color for this time of the year? O.P.I nail polish color “Bubble Bath.” It’s light, fresh, not too much of a statement — but still kinda girly. And that’s just perfect for me.

3) Speaking of bubble baths, I love to take them. It’s an easy way to relax in the comfort of your home — no spa appointment required. It’s also a prime location for some serious quiet time.

4) Lavender. Maybe one of the most lovely relaxation inducers known to womankind. This stuff is great. And if you poke around Pinterest long enough you’ll stumble across tutorials on how to make lavender bundles to enjoy personally or give as gifts.

5) Putting something on your calendar that you’re excited about and can look forward to is always fun. My family and I take time each year to go to Camp-of-the-Woods in New York. It has become a memorable tradition that is wonderfully relaxing and spiritually enriching.

For us, this is the perfect getaway spot. For those of us that like to sit in the sun lakeside and make the most strenuous thing we do all day turning the pages of our book, we can do that. For others in my family who are crazy wild and need zip lines, putt-putt golf, and fishing for creatures, they can do that.

Then at night we sit around the campfire and bond (get in crazy fights) while we lovingly (compete like no body’s business) play family games.

I won’t tell you who usually wins. Me. Okay, I couldn’t hold back.

How will you be relaxing this summer? Let me know in the comments below and I’ll choose one person to win an Unglued Summer Sanity Saver Bundle complete with a copy of Unglued, Unglued Devotional, and a set of Unglued key tags!

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Friday Favorites – Celebrating Moms Everywhere
Friday Favorites: Healthy Summer Recipes
Friday Favorites: Spring into Spring

Why Do We Have Such a Hard Time Saying “No?”

I’ve had to say “no” to a lot of requests lately. That happens when I crawl into my book writing cave. (AKA me sitting on my bed with a gazillion pieces of paper, gum wrappers, my Bible, research stuff all around me, and a really messy ponytail/bun thing on the top of my head.)

I have a book deadline. Which means I have the need for 60,000 words. Words that need to come quickly and actually make sense.

I also have a family that still needs a wife and a mama.

Which leaves very little room for anything extra right now.

So, the word “no” and I have been getting more and more acquainted lately. And that’s a good thing. But I’m finding “no” and I have some dysfunctions we have had to work through.

And since maybe you do too, I thought I’d just open up a little discussion here so we can chat about it. After all, this is the theme of the book I’m writing and I honestly think you are wonderfully smart and I want to glean some of your wisdom. And possibly quote you in my book.

So, here is my addition to our chat: 6 reasons behind why we have such a hard time saying “no:”

We think saying no…

1. Is the same thing as being rude.

2. Will cause us to miss out on something we might regret later.

3. Isn’t the Christian thing to do.

4. Will produce negative lingering effects and awkwardness in this relationship.

5. Means we aren’t as capable or nice as the people who say yes.

6. Can’t ever be a positive thing.

If even a few of these things bump into our decision making processes, it’s no wonder why we have a hard time saying “no.” But are they true? Hmmm….

Let’s talk about it. Share whatever comes to the top of your mind in the comments below. And if I use your comment, I’ll email you. Thanks!

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If You See Me Sweating Like Sweet Onions, Here’s Why…

I’m not much of a dress-up girl. I mean, I like a cute outfit as much as the next person. But my kind of cute comes in the form of a classy top, stylin’ necklace, jeans and wedges.

Which is not appropriate for a black tie event.

Which is where I’m supposed to be going this weekend. The K-LOVE Fan Awards. I say supposed to because I’ve hit a slight snafu with my attire.

So, I have a long dress. It’s gathered in the right places for maximum hiding of the baby bump that contains nary a child. Please read that last sentence carefully and completely, lest we start some sort of internet rumor mill.

I do not need that happening. No, because I have enough drama happening over this crazy dress situation.

My drama is that I just tried on my outfit in its entirety. And you can…

Hold on for just one moment while I gather myself.

You can…

See…

My…

SPANX!

And I’m guessing if you can see one is wearing Spanx, it sort of defeats the whole game we play since the invention of said wonder wear.

I’m all like, cellulite, what’s that?

All the while dreaming of getting back to my room where I can get this unrealistically tight mess off me. And put on my exercise pants. And sport my cellulite with pride. And reinstate my desire to actually breathe.

But oh my glory heavens, the dress reveals all my secrets. It has a slight slit. That I didn’t notice before. A slit that goes up to my knee. And my Spanx knockoff ends just below the knee.

I can hear you now. You’re all like, they make Spanx in different lengths.

That’s awesome if you don’t have some funky fear of the unmentionables department where you find said Spanx knockoffs.

When I have to buy this * stuff * I go to the Target and totally case out the whole situation to make sure no peoples are coming. And my Target is busy. So this is no easy task.

Then from across the aisle, I eye the item I need.

Hold my breath.

Dash over.

Sweat like sweet onions in a collard field whilst furiously trying to find my size.

Grab it and run back to the safety of my cart stashed in the shoe department. And hide said unmentionable underneath everything else in my cart.

But that’s not even the worst, worst part.

I grew up in the day of the Kmart blue light special where they announced if what you’re buying is on sale. So. EVERY. TIME. I. CHECK. OUT. WITH. * STUFF * I have blue light special ANXIETY.

And y’all know Target doesn’t have the blue light. But still. They do price check sometimes. “Hello Target shoppers. Unmentionables are being purchased right now on aisle 2 and we need a price check.” I would melt into a puddle of pure death by shame.

Kill me now.

Part of me just wants to safety pin that dumb dress slit and call it a day. But I’m presenting an award on the big stage and getting to meet the Duck Dynasty people.

Which in reflecting on the whole situation might be the perfect people to meet whilst wearing a dress with a safety pin. Or I guess I could color said Spanx with a camouflage design and call it a redneck fashion statement.

Just thought I’d update y’all on the world according to Lysa on this fine Friday.

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When Strong Mamas Feel Quite Weak

One of the most precious hearted women I know, lives on land that grows real food, and flirts with her farmer man all the while typing out words that are works of art.

And yesterday, she invited my words to come sit on her porch for a spell. So, I thought that maybe you’d want to join me over at Ann Voskamp’s amazing blog.

Here’s a bit of what I’m talking about over at the farm…

You know what I’m sometimes tempted to do as a mom? Draw a straight line from my child’s wrong choice to my weakness in mothering.

That will just about kill a mama. Crack her heart open and fill it with paralyzing regret of the past and fear for the future. And that’s exactly where Satan wants us mamas to stay. Paralyzed.

But what if that’s the wrong line to draw?



To read this blog in its entirety, click here.

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Fully Living In The Moment

I don’t know about you, but this mama has had many a day with a messy home and a messy heart. That’s a whole lot of mess to have at one time. Thank goodness my friend Angie Ryg can relate – she’s guest posting today with some helpful solutions on how to sort through the chaos. And she’s doing a fun giveaway! What could be better on an ordinary Tuesday? Here’s Angie…

There was no place to hide. No quick warnings to my children to hush and pretend we weren’t home. No time to duck out of sight from the windows.

It was just after our third child was born and I was nursing in the family room when my neighbor called through the front door, “Hey, Angie, are you guys home?”

An infant and a burp rag were the only things covering me. I hadn’t gotten ready for the day yet, and I was sporting a distinct smell that could only come from the deadly combination of spit up and lack of a shower.

My older two children were playing on the floor with loads of laundry strewn about … the entire floor. There were bowls with cereal floating in leftover milk next to the television, and the dirty diaper across the room had popped open to expose all its lovely contents. It appeared my kids had suddenly been raptured while watching Dora the Explorer.

Yes, my house was an absolute mess. And my neighbor just walked right in. Right in.

As she hugged me I mumbled something about it being a rough night staying up late with the baby. But honestly, being up late was no excuse for the mess she was sitting in. Yes, sitting in. She actually sat on the couch that was layered in more laundry.

I was cringing with embarrassment on the inside. What was my neighbor thinking about all of this mess? I mean really, how did it get so bad?

Something had to change.

I can look back now and see that moment was a catalyst to get rid of the clutter in my life. It was a process. A hard process. But I started by focusing on taking baby steps. The first and most impactful one was clearing all surfaces (including the floor) so only one to three items remained. Now I can at least invite people over.

But I find I also struggle with the clutter in my heart.

In the same way I was not able to enjoy my neighbor’s spontaneous visit because of the clutter in my home, I’m often unable to enjoy activities because of the mess in my mind. For example, I might be reading a book to my child, but thinking of the year-end gifts I have to make for school, the clothes I need to drop off at church, and the groceries that have to be picked up. Time and time again, I find I’m not fully living in the moment.

So, I’m trying something different.

Using the technique of clearing physical surfaces, I’m trying to clear my heart to focus on one to three things. I want to focus on less, but be better focused on these few things.

1 Corinthians 14:33 says, “For God is not a God of disorder but of peace …”

I want that peace. So this spring my children chose only one activity rather than signing up for every sport their friends were playing. I had to let go of trying to attend every game, musical, and meet they’re in. Instead of being involved in a book club, couples’ Bible Study, and a Serving Group, I’ve chosen to do one and do it well. My heart can then be fully devoted to these limited things.

Focusing on a few things to the best of our ability and giving ourselves the right to say “no” can change our days for the better. Clearing activities gives us more time for our families. I’ve found I can read that book and not be distracted by what I “should” be doing.

Another benefit is that we’ll be more available to spontaneously tell others about God and to serve Him. In the same way that my friend just popped over, there are many times God will bring people into our lives at unexpected times for us to share His love. With a clear heart, we are able to recognize these times and make a difference.

With our hearts focused on a few things, we can enjoy them even more. We can thank God for them. Even if the laundry is still on the couch!

Do you have any good tips on keeping your life clutter free? I would love to hear from you! I’ll be choosing one commenter to receive a copy of my eBook, Clutter Free Simplicity – Seven Ways to Clear the Clutter in Your Heart and Home.

By attending She Speaks Intensive this past January, I received the chance to write this guest post, strengthen my writing craft, sharpen my speaking skills, and learn how to market myself and my words. And if that wasn’t enough, I met many kindred spirits who I now call friends! You too can have this amazing experience at the Proverbs 31 Ministries’ She Speaks Conference in July. Click here for more information.

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Afraid To Turn The Next Corner

You know how some people love the thrill of being surprised? They love surprise parties. They would love to show up at work today and be told they are actually going on a surprise vacation and be whisked from their desk to paradise in just a few hours.

They would love to have one of those makeover shows show up at their house with a film crew and be told they’re getting a whole new wardrobe.

Surprises feel thrilling to them. Like the thrill some people get when a roller coaster ride you thought was over suddenly takes off again and starts doing upside down loops. They throw their hands in the air and embrace the thrill of the unknown.

They call that fun.

I don’t.

I love a good birthday party. But I don’t want it to be a surprise.

I love a good vacation. But I don’t want it to be planned for me.

I love winning stuff and would freely accept a gift certificate for a new wardrobe. But I don’t want all the clothes to be picked out for me.

I like (not love) a roller coaster. I don’t mind when it finally crests the lift hill and then careens downward like the bottom just fell out of the world. But I don’t want it to take unexpected twists and turns.

This dislike of surprises can usually be managed with all the things I mentioned.

My friends know not to throw me a surprise party. No one is looking to give me a surprise vacation or new wardrobe. And before getting on a roller coaster, I thoroughly check it out and know its patterned route.

But life is different.

Life twists and turns and throws loops into those places we think will be flat and smooth. Because that’s what life does. Sometimes it all just catches us off guard.

And at the end of the day, I guess that’s why I don’t like to be surprised. I can’t stand to get caught off guard. It makes me feel exposed and afraid.

But slowly, I’m learning it’s not all bad to be a little exposed and afraid.

That vulnerable place reminds us we have needs beyond what we manage. It reminds us we need God. Desperately. Completely.

And into that gap between what we can manage on our own and what we can’t, that’s right where faith steps in and has the opportunity to find deep roots. Roots that dig down and break up previously unearthed places within us.

My faith doesn’t just need to grow big, it needs to grow deep. Yes, I need deep faith roots.

Deep roots anchor us when surprises blow like strong unruly winds.

Deep roots hold us steady during the next storm that didn’t show up on the radar.

Deep roots find nourishment when the surface gets awfully dry.

Deep roots allow for growth not previously possible.

Deep roots yield rich fruit.

So, I’m learning to not be so afraid of what might be around the next corner. Even if it does catch me off guard. I close my eyes and whisper… “deeper still.”

“Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit,” (Jeremiah 17: 7-8 ESV).

The staff at Proverbs 31 Ministries will be taking time this Memorial weekend to pray for the families in Oklahoma who were impacted by the recent tornado. In the comments below, feel free to leave your prayer request for our team; or you can share your prayer for these families.

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The Day My Insecurities Didn’t Win

Last weekend I spoke at my favorite church in the world: Elevation Church

Elevation Church is home to me. And since it’s home, I always feel incredibly honored to speak there. And incredibly nervous. There is just a different kind of weight I feel in my heart when speaking at home. I can’t really explain it.

But here’s what I know for sure. God speaks most clearly to our situation when we feel desperation.

Desperation causes me to press into God in a deeper, more urgent kind of way. Probably the way I should pursue Him every day. But many of my every days don’t find me desperate.

Sadly, I get quite comfortable at times. And I can be forgetful about just how much I need God.

But writing this message definitely reminded me. I found myself in some hard spots leading up to Mother’s Day this year. Really hard. And I finally realized the person that would need this message most in the whole world was me.

Me. The girl that was supposed to walk up on that stage when all I really wanted to do was crawl back in bed.

But God has surrounded me with wise people. People I called. People who let me stand on their wisdom when I didn’t feel I could stand on my own. People who wouldn’t let me let Satan win.

Thank you to those people. You know who you are. And I pray you know how much I love you with every fiber of my shaky little heart.

So, with all that being said… here’s my message. The one I wrote. The one I delivered at my home church on Mother’s Day 2013. The message that the messenger needed most of all.

Click here to watch my message.

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If You Use Words, This Is For You…

I’ve been studying a lot about leadership lately. What works. What doesn’t. What the Bible highlights as important for leaders to know.

And it’s not just helping me in my ministry leadership role.

The leadership lessons I’m learning are helping me in every role. Because honestly, most of us have influence in some sphere of our life. When we influence, we lead. And when we lead, we have a great responsibility to grow.

We can’t lead others further than where we’ve grown ourselves.

Stunt our growth, and we stunt our leadership.

So, I’m setting aside intentional time to learn and grow as a leader.

One of my favorite leaders to study in the Bible is Paul. Yesterday, I was reading the letters Paul wrote to a young man he was leading named Timothy. And I came across a section in 2 Timothy chapter two entitled, “A workman approved by God.”

I thought, this is going to be a great leadership section! Whatever Paul is about to write here is going to be pure gold. I want to know how Paul defined a workman approved by God.

Paul could have focused on many things for this section. If I was writing this section of the Bible, I would have said a good leader should be:

* Humble.

* Generous.

* A servant leader.

* Smart.

* Calm under pressure.

* A good decision maker.

* Able to recruit other good leaders.

And lots of other things as well.

But as I kept reading, I was surprised by the main topic discussed under this section entitled “A workman approved by God.”

It was on avoiding… godless chatter. Arguing. Quarrels. Foolish and stupid arguments that lead to resentment.

In other words, we must watch our words. And not just watch them, control them. Wrangle them. Boss them around. Set them straight.

Leaders must, must, must recognize what can happen when we use words the wrong way OR when we allow an environment to develop where words are used the wrong way.

The progression of warnings in this section is haltingly strong:

verse 14: “Quarreling about words; it is of no value, and only ruins those who listen.”

verse 16: “Avoid godless chatter, because those who indulge in it will become more and more ungodly.”

verse 17: “Their (those that participate in godless chatter and the mishandling of words) teaching will spread like gangrene.”

The warnings continue all the way to the ultimate warning in verse 26 where we learn that it is crucial for those who are stirring up all this junk, to repent in hopes that “they will come to their senses and escape the trap of the devil, who has taken them captive to do his will.”

Yikes.

The devil has a will. And he can take us captive to do his will.

The words we speak matter.

And so do the words we think. Sometimes we can be smiling on the outside while screaming on the inside… and we think that’s more Christian. Gosh, I’m guilty of this sometimes.

But both external godless chatter and internal godless chatter can lead to dangerous places. Can corrupt our organizations. Can eat us alive from the inside out.

I think it’s worth thinking about today.

I think it’s worth talking about with those we lead. Whether it’s with our families, our circle of friends, or our staff members, …take time. Make time. To talk about how we must watch our words.

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Friday Favorites – Celebrating Moms Everywhere

Mother’s Day. A sweet holiday to show your mom just how much you care. But sometimes, it’s just plain hard to think of something new to make this year’s celebration of her stand out. So, I thought it might be helpful to share a few ideas I’ve come across…

1. Hydrangea: Now I know what you’re thinking – “flowers for Mother’s Day? That’s not original at all.” But just wait. There’s a twist. One of the finance gals in the Proverbs 31 office was talking about her most special Mother’s Day present today and I absolutely loved this idea… give your mom a hydrangea that she can plant herself. Then every year when it blooms, she’ll remember that you gave her a special gift that lives on.

2. Farmer’s market: A trip to the local farmer’s market is right up my alley. And I’ll tell you why – I’m really, really trying hard to only eat fruits, vegetables, and lean meats right now. Healthy eating. Yes. So why not spend a day with your mom picking out some fresh produce to make a meal together? And if you’re feeling adventurous, maybe you can buy some cauliflower and avocados to experiment with these healthy summer recipes I posted a few Fridays ago.

3. Cooking classes: Y’all. I’m not even going to pretend I’m a good cook. I’m just not good at it. Period. But learning a thing or two about how to make an easy, tasty meal from someone who knows what they’re doing sounds fun. And the best part? You can find some amazing deals on these classes by going through Groupon or LivingSocial. You can also check with your local grocery store or culinary school to see if they’re offering classes.

4. Necklace: What would a Friday Favorites be without some fun jewelry? And if we’re being honest… every mom loves something to give her outfit a little “pop.”

5. NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible for Women: Give your mom the gift of God’s Word through the NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible for Women. Woven throughout Scripture are daily devotions from the Proverbs 31 team! You can purchase it through our Proverbs 31 store or if you want to give it to mom on Sunday, check with your local Family Christian Bookstore.

And I’m doing a giveaway! Leave a comment telling me your favorite Mother’s Day gift and I’ll pick one person to win a copy of the NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible for Women shown above.

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