Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 35

Dark Places

Do you ever have little places of discouragement that entangle around your heart? You know in the bigger picture of life things are good. But there’s this little dark place. A little black hole. That sometimes doesn’t feel little.

It hangs like a cloud. Blocking the sun. Casting shadows.

Maybe it’s an argument you and your husband have had one too many times. Your relationship is good but this one topic feels like a black hole.

Or an issue with one of your kids. You have an amazing child. But there is this one behavioral tendency that baffles you. Embarrasses you. Causes you to fear. It feels like a black hole.

Or a reoccurring frustration with a friend. She’s amazing. But there’s this one part of your friendship that darkens the collective good. And you can’t figure out how to address it. Now it’s happening with more frequency and it feels like a black hole.

I know. It’s hard.

But here’s what God keeps showing me… a black hole isn’t a black WHOLE.

The whole isn’t all bad. Yes, there are some issues to address and some tensions to manage but don’t let Satan use this frustration to darken your outlook.

Jesus reminds us, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life.” (John 8:12)

Ask Jesus to shed His light on your situation today. Look at this from Jesus’ perspective. Use truth to do something positive in this area today. Invest the time to make a little imperfect progress right there.

In the dark place.

That won’t be so dark with a little light cast upon it.

Related posts:

The Only Thing That Counts
The Rip Current of People-Pleasing
I Want to Run Away

The Only Thing That Counts

My daughter, Hope, is one of those people who knows how to dress.

She’ll put on a blue and white striped shirt, throw an army jacket on top, black stretch pants on the bottom, finish the look with some little brown ankle boots and look like a fashionista.

I get all stuck in a garanimals state of mind. Did you ever wear garanimals? It seriously scarred me for life. And made me resistant to the delight of the unexpected.

Matchy matchy became the curse of my closet.

Until.

Hope set me straight one day. “Mom, your outfits need a little pop!”

Pop?

She started whipping my outfits together in a way I’d never dream.

An orange necklace with an outfit that had not a stitch of orange.

Hunh?

Leopard flats with a dark blue shirt, teal necklace, and black skinny jeans.

Really?

A grey and white striped shirt with a patterned black and white scarf brought together with a bright red jacket.

Are you sure?

She was more than sure. With great confidence she introduced me to the world of adding a pop- a little something unexpected. A new way of expressing myself. And it has been delightful.

So, I started thinking, what if I did this with other areas of my life? Other places where I’ve slipped into the “same old, same old” ruts.

Might the delight of the unexpected make other aspects of my life more fun?

Galatians 5:6b says, “The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.”

Might this be an invitation to discover another new way to express myself? Express my faith? Through unexpected acts of love?

Yes. I think so.

So, I did a little experiment. I started reading Bible verses by adding on a little question/challenge to myself at the end: “…. So that I can love who?”

For example, Romans 12:2, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” … so that I can love who?

There is someone in my life who needs my love but I’ll only be able to do it if I let God change my mindset. I need to add this little pop- this new expression of my faith through love.

Philippians 4:19, “God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” … so that I can love who?

There is someone in my life who needs something that I think I can’t give. But I can give when I realize God is supplying me in abundance. He is the supplier. I just have to open my hand and channel some of my blessing in this person’s direction. I need to add this little pop- this new expression of my faith through love.

Why not try this yourself? No, not the leopard flats and teal necklace… although that is quite the charming combination. But rather adding the question, “so that I can love who?” to the end of the verses you read this week.

It will certainly give you a new way to express your faith. A way that God says is the only thing that counts.

Related posts:

Sitting At Home, Alone
The Cussing Thoughts
I Want to Run Away

Let’s Just Call It What It Is…

We all have opinions. That’s part of what makes us wonderfully unique. As we wrestle with our tangled thoughts sometimes one breaks free. An untangled thought of clarity. And something deep inside us says, “Yes, that thought fits me.”

So, we put it on and wear it.

Just as a soft jacket warms us in the chill of a winter wind, so does this clear thought. It feels good. It feels right. So, we own it. It’s our opinion.

But here’s what we must always remember. Opinions and truth aren’t always the same.

Truth isn’t skewed by feelings. Opinions sometimes are.

Truth isn’t shaped to fit us and make us feel good. Opinions sometimes are.

Truth isn’t our personal “nanny nanny boo boo” to those who hurt us. Opinions sometimes are.

I’ve recently seen several articles where the writers climb up on their soap box mislabeled “truth” and blast other Christians. Through the thinly disguised efforts to “hold this person accountable”, they judge. Harshly.

They tap, tap, tap their keyboards stringing WARNING words for all to see. And they are proud for the “good” they have done for their readers.

But honest to goodness, that’s not at all what it is. It’s not good. It’s selfish.

When you hold someone accountable, you want the best for that person. You use truth to navigate whatever issue there may be. And you do it person to person. You don’t broadcast their issues to the world hoping to gather a mob, throw a spot light, and relish in pointing out a perceived flaw.

That’s not accountability. That’s attack. And that’s what I saw.

I saw attempts to tear down the credibility of the person being discussed. I saw opinions being used as if they were truth.

And here’s what’s really interesting. With each article, the person writing it had no real credibility in the very area they were spewing their opinions.

Someone who had never led an organization, was criticizing the decisions of a leader.

Someone who had never written a published book, was criticizing the writing of an author.

Someone who had never preached a sermon, was criticizing the teaching style of a preacher.

Here’s my guess… at some point in their lives the critic attempted to lead, write, or preach and felt like a failure afterwards.

That feeling helped form an opinion.

And that opinion helped the critic feel a little better about themselves until the success of another fueled some sort of jealousy.

And instead of being honest about their jealousy and dealing with it, they sought to tear down the one who had what they wanted.

What a warning to us all. What a warning to me, personally. I must be especially careful, careful, careful with my opinions formed from my failures.

Opinions. They can be good. But they can also be, not so good. Especially when our supposed clarity is the very thing that clouds truth. And hurts others.

Oh God, help us see the difference between our frail, sometimes faulty opinions and Your rock solid truth.

Related posts:

Sometimes I Talk Too Much
Christians Acting Ugly
When I Want To Be Mean Too

An Interview With Jud Wilhite

Wow. So, Monday’s blog struck a little chord. So, as a special little surprise I talked Pastor Jud Wilhite into doing a video interview with me.

You’re going to love his heart. And his retro stylish glasses. And the fact he straight up says he’s offering a 21-day challenge, when it’s in fact a 14-day challenge.

Praise Jesus there are other authors who make mistakes. Because heavens, I sure have my fair share of mishaps. Like letting the run-through of last week’s webcast go live for all the world to see.

I’m nothing if not silly. Praise Jesus I didn’t burp or something horrid like that.

Anyhow, back to today’s video. I’m super excited. As you will soon see. The bug eyed look I constantly throw to the camera is a dead giveaway. Who knew my eyes were so large?

And don’t forget to leave a comment below. I have FIVE MORE copies of Pursued to give away today. Fun!

 

Related posts:

Sometimes I’m A Little Too Human
Thanks for watching the final Unglued webcast!
Lose to Gain

Sometimes I’m A Little Too Human

Which category are you in?

* You hope you’ll have something to look forward to on Valentine’s Day. Hint. Hint.

* Valentine’s Day feels more like Single Awareness Day.

* You’re totally excited and have bought all your friends stuff from the $1 aisle at Target.

* You couldn’t care less because you don’t like the color red or chocolate or roses. So there.

I’ll be honest, I’m always a little on the fence with this day. Yes, I wrote the post Valentine’s Tips To The Misters, to encourage the Misters on the fine art of doing Valentine’s Day right.

However.

It still all feels a little forced. A little too commercial.

Because at the end of the day, a woman wants to feel special. And call me crazy, but mass produced cupids just don’t cut it.

I want to be adored. Thought of. Not as an obligation, because the calendar holiday demands it. But rather, just because…

He loves me.

And it’s at this point where my Christian mind screams… Jesus does this. Let Jesus fill you. Only Jesus can adore you this way. Give your husband a break.

That’s what I call a Jesus juke.

A quick move that makes you feel slapped on the hand for being so human.

Yes, of course Jesus loves me this way. But what if I say that with my mouth, while still feeling a deep ache in my heart. A longing. To be pursued.

That’s where my friend Jud Wilhite’s new project steps in and helps me connect with Jesus in the exact way that my longing heart desires.

Here’s Jud….

Valentine’s Day can be frustrating for many of us. Perhaps you’re single and you don’t want to be, or you’re in an unhappy or disappointing relationship. Maybe you’re grieving a relationship you’ve lost.

This year, remember that God loves you the way a kind and patient husband loves his bride. He wants to pursue you, cherish you, and meet your deepest needs — and He’s the only one who can.

When God wanted to illustrate the passionate intensity of His relationship with us, He chose marriage as the metaphor.

Incredibly, it was the marriage of a prophet named Hosea and a prostitute named Gomer. God told Hosea to marry Gomer and to take her back even after she’s unfaithful. God uses their marriage to illustrate His love and care for His people, who have turned away from Him again and again.

My friend, Jud Wilhite, is offering a free 14-day Pursued challenge that’s perfect as Valentine’s Day approaches. He offers thoughts on the book of Hosea and what this story can teach us about God’s love. Visit www.pursuedbook.com/challenge and sign up for the challenge. You can also download a sample chapter of his new book Pursued.

I’m really excited to share what I’m learning about God’s scandalous love through Pursued. How does this speak to you? Do you sometimes, like me, feel a little too human? Leave a comment today and you’ll be entered to win one of five copies of Jud’s new book, Pursued…God’s Divine Obsession with You.

Related posts:

My Hearing
The Rip Current of People-Pleasing
Jesus Loves Those in Messy Marriages

Inside Chatter Webcast Replay Available

Sheila and I had so much fun last night sharing stories and answering questions about negative inside chatter. If you missed it or just want to watch it again, we have great news… The video is below!

Grab a friend, a cup of coffee and possibly a notebook to write down nuggets of truth to help you combat negative inside chatter. Don’t wait too long though — the replay will only be available through this weekend!

Several of you have asked about some suggested “anchor verses” based on my teaching last night.  My new Unglued Devotional book has 60 of these Bible verses — one for each day with a devotion to help you fight the negative inside chatter that often accompanies unglued times.

To get your copy click here.

To Celebrate Women of Faith’s first-ever LIVE webcast teaching event Women of Faith would like to offer you the opportunity to attend any of our 2013 events and provide you with a $10 discount on any full price ticket (with a limit of 9 tickets) with the code: WEBCAST.  The offer ends on Sunday, February 3 at 11:59 p.m. CST! Hope to see you there this year!

Also, here are some other links also mentioned in the webcast:

Women of Faith website

Sheila Walsh

Lysa’s Unglued book site

Related posts:

Sitting At Home, Alone
My Hearing
The Second Unglued Webcast Replay is Live!

Thanks for Joining us!

We had a great time at the “Inside Chatter Webcast” tonight.  If you missed it, or you want to see it again, the replay information will be here tomorrow about lunchtime EST!

So, grab a friend and a cup of coffee and we’ll have the replay available through this weekend.

To be notified, make sure you are signed up on the announcement list.

Related posts:

Final Unglued Webcast is Live!
Thanks for watching the final Unglued webcast!
Thanks for watching the second Unglued webcast

Sitting At Home, Alone

They were laughing in their matching neon pink t-shirts with the words “Bethany’s Birthday Girls” printed on the front. They were going bowling after school. Then to get pizza. Then a sleep over.

When Bethany passed out the shirts by her locker that morning I pretended to be too busy to notice. I stayed hyper focused on unpacking my book bag into my locker. And then I hurried off to my first class.

It was clear. Bethany had made a list of her friends and I hadn’t been included.

I thought I would be. We’d gotten together before. I’d invited her to my pool party.

No big deal, I tried to tell myself all day. I had plans that night too.

To sit at home. Alone. And wonder why I hadn’t been chosen.

It’s been years since I watched those neon pink shirts all pile into a station wagon after school and drive away.

But it hasn’t been years since I’ve heard the negative inside chatter that ensued afterwards.

“You’re not liked.”

“You weren’t invited.”

“You weren’t chosen.”

Here’s what I wish I could have told my little sans pink t-shirt self back then…And what I need to remember when those same feelings creep in today…

Don’t put the whole of your identity into the smallness of this situation.

Not getting a pink t-shirt that day felt like a defining moment. And maybe it was for that day. I wasn’t invited to Bethany’s party. And that stunk.

But it wasn’t a defining moment of my identity.

It was a moment. And moments shift. People are fickle. People shift.

In the moment Bethany made the list of who to invite to her party, I wasn’t on the top of her mind. Not because she didn’t like me, but simply because she hadn’t thought about it.

It was a small situation.

And I can’t put the whole of my identity into the smallness of this situation. Or any other for that matter.

My Pastor used a verse in his sermon this week that echoes these same thoughts, “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, AND YOU HAVE BEEN GIVEN FULLNESS IN CHRIST,” (Colossians 2: 9-10).

I have been given fullness.

In Christ.

I can place the wholeness of my identity in that reality… and see everything else as small in comparison.

I want to invite you to join Women of Faith’s Sheila Walsh and me tomorrow, January 29th, at 9:00 p.m. EST for a FREE webcast on how to combat negative inside chatter.

You can sign up to receive a reminder about the webcast by clicking here. We would love to have you with us!

And there are prizes!!! We’ll be giving away 2 adorable, tiffany blue Women of Faith bags packed full of all kinds of goodies during the webcast.

- a copy of Unglued

- a copy of the Unglued Devotional

- God Loves Broken People by Sheila Walsh

- Stumble Into Grace by Lisa Harper

- What Women Fear by Angie Smith

- Pink Women of Faith T-Shirt

- Necklace and bracelet

- Women of Faith bag

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment on this post stating what you’ve learned about “Inside Chatter” in your life! We’ll be discussing your insights and announcing the winner tomorrow night on the webcast, so go on and get to commenting

For this party, everyone is invited!

Related posts:

My Hearing
Thanks for watching the second Unglued webcast
Second Unglued Webcast Tonight!

My Hearing

It’s been almost a year since I’ve experienced silence. My left ear never stops screeching. Ringing. Hissing.

The noise screams so loudly sometimes I’m completely baffled others can’t hear it.

It’s also been almost a year since I was able to hear someone whispering into my left ear. Or carry on a normal conversation in a noisy restaurant. Or understand what people are saying if I can’t see their mouths.

Due to a scuba diving accident, with resulting ear surgery, I experienced severe nerve damage in my left ear.

The doctors have explained the noise isn’t actually in my ear. All the pitches of noise I can no longer hear constantly fire signals to my brain. So without God’s healing touch, the screaming isn’t going away.

I hear it when I’m trying to fall asleep.

I hear it when I’m trying to concentrate.

I hear it when I’m in a meeting.

I hear it when I’m in conversation.

I hear it all the time.

Yes, this stinks. It really does. I won’t get all Pollyanna on you and minimize the frustration and aggravation of it all.

But I refuse to get stuck in the depressing quicksand of what I’ve lost. Tucked within the crevice of a loss usually a gift can be found.

My gift?

The realization that little everyday things need to be noticed. Appreciated. Celebrated.

Silence is a common thing.

But silence is a glorious thing I never appreciated until I didn’t have it.

What other glorious, common things do I need to grab hold of today, and with a heart full of thanks say…

“Yes! This! I notice, God. I see, God. I recognize Your fingerprints of provision all over this God. And I’m so very, very thankful.”

I’m excited and thankful today to announce the Unglued Devotional blog tour!

I have come to know and love the hearts of the ladies who are joining me on the tour… and as it turns out, they have some “unglued” stories of their own.

Please click on their blogs today for a chance to get to know some of my friends and possibly win one of the fun GIVEAWAY GIFTS!

I love gifts. I love friends. I love fun.

Today is a fabulous day.

Cajun Joie de Vivre

The Southern Institute

Women Living Well

Karen Ehman

I’m Just Sayin’

Social Savvy Mom

Join me on January 29 at 9pm EST for a live, FREE Webcast with Women of Faith’s Sheila Walsh! We’ll be tackling the topic of “Inside Chatter.” We would love to have you with us.

So clear your schedule and meet me right back here at www.lysaterkeurst.com! (Afraid you’ll forget? Sign up for a reminder email in the side bar.)

Related posts:

I Miss You…
But They Won’t Talk To Me
Update

Valentine’s Tips For The Misters

Want to know one of the worst days of the year for some guys? February 15th.

Why?

Because on February 14th at 6:37 p.m. they entered the grocery store in a panic looking for roses and candy. Oh and a card too. And all that was left was what nobody else wanted. The wilted arrangement. The dusty candy. The cheesy card. Happy Valentine’s Day.

At 7:04 p.m. they got home and proudly presented their gift as if they’d been planning it for days.

Their girl smiled. And said thank you. But there was this hesitation in the way she smiled. A catch in her voice. Something wasn’t right. So he asked, “Everything okay?”

She replied with the classic, “I’m fine” that really means she’s not fine at all but you better figure out why on your own. And make it right. Right now.

But he doesn’t pick up on the clues. Doesn’t know what to do with the subtle not-so-subtle attitude. Until the next morning. February 15th comes on the scene with a chill in the air that has nothing to do with the outside temperature.

He didn’t make her feel special. Instead of adored she felt ignored. Women know when there’s been very little thought put into a Valentine’s gift. And they’re highly disappointed when they don’t have anything to humbly brag about their man to their girlfriends that February 14th afternoon.

While she was making heart shaped meatloaf. And hand-made doilies. And red-sprinkled cookies that almost made her lose her ever-loving mind when the kids insisted on dumping said sprinkles in each other’s hair. But by golly she’s been planning this day with great intentionality for her man. And not even kid covered sprinkle disasters were going to stop her.

Plus, she’d been getting up the gumption to wear something other than flannel sweatpants that night. Yes, she was all prepared. And happy. Until.

The obvious grocery store leftover gifts were what she got in return.

Ahem.

Wait a minute. Why am I writing a Valentine’s Day Post in January? Well, I want to help avoid that dreaded February 15th relationship chill. That makes women go quiet. And that makes men scratch their heads in complete and utter dismay.

Here are 3 Valentine’s Tips for the Misters:

1. February 13th is a great day to give a little pre-gift. Something little that says, “You are special enough to be celebrated a little before everyone else. I adore you and couldn’t wait until tomorrow.” Okay, maybe a guy’s thoughts aren’t that mushy, but a gift a day in advance certainly speaks wonderfully tender sentiments on your behalf.

Remember a simple dandelion on a no name day means more to a woman than a dozen roses on a Hallmark holiday.

But we still want the roses on February 14th too. Even if we say we don’t. We’re nothing if not wonderfully complicated.

2. Give a gift in line with her love language. (Thank you Gary Chapman!)

When I surveyed women on Twitter and Facebook about advice they’d want me to offer the misters, the ideas were incredibly varied from a night on the town to a hunting expedition. I kid you not, one sweet gal wanted to get her Duck Dynasty on and head to a shooting range. But that’s her unique thing… please don’t go all Duck Dynasty on your girl unless you know for sure this is her thing.

Here are some other ideas that came in through social media that are right in line with the 5 love languages:

Encouraging Words- Michelle said, “Just do a small gesture you wouldn’t normally do- like write a poem.”

Physical Touch- Kalis said, “Bubble bath for two complete with candles and soft music. Make sure the kids are sent to Grandma’s.” Oh la la. Of course, if you’re not married do this idea sans the bubble bath. Sorry, I guess it’s the mama in me that just felt compelled to throw that little obvious tidbit in.

Quality Time- Kent said, “Unplug that day. My wife would love to throw my iPhone in the lake at times.”

Acts of Service- Kassie said, “Can I get my house cleaned, please?”

Gifts- Melissa said, “Pay attention to what she likes to buy herself, and then take that idea up a few notches for a gift.”

3. Ask your wife an important question on this day of love: “What’s something I could do to love you better?”

Valentine’s is a great day to get intentional with loving your girl. But why not let this intentionality continue to linger a bit? Commit to doing this suggestion she gives. Write it into your calendar. Make it a priority. And please remember when she gives you this answer, this isn’t a criticism of what has been, but a call to action for a stronger relationship in the future.

So, February 15th doesn’t have to be a dreaded day now. And I thought I might offer one more thing… a giveaway!! Yes girls, you can comment and enter too. I knew you’d be sneaking a read here

Leave a comment below sharing any Valentine’s ideas you have for the misters or the girls. You’ll be entered to win one of three gift packs containing my books:

“Capture Her Heart- for husbands”

AND “Capture His Heart- for wives!”

Happy February 14th and 15th!!! Whew, I think I need one of those red sprinkle cookies right about now please. And for my sweet single friends, I have an article coming just for you in the near future!

Related posts:

The Rip Current of People-Pleasing
Pinterest anyone?
The Ultimate Mom Giveaway