Lysa TerKeurst's Blog, page 37

This Man Of Beautiful Music

I clearly remember the first time I walked into an arena and heard the Lord’s prayer being sung by my friend Michael. The audience was empty. Yet the place was full.

Full of love for Jesus.

Full of passion for truth.

Full of compassion for those who don’t know Him.

There was a purity in the notes being sung in perfect pitch. But the purity ran deeper than the music. It radiated from a heart broken yet whole.

God’s hand is on this man of beautiful music.

And I can’t think of any giveaway I could offer today with more excitement than his new Christmas CD!

If you want to be ushered to the place where grace touches sin and hope touches hurt, the music on this CD is what you need.

If you want the perfect gift for yourself or others in your life, click here to purchase Michael O’Brien’s “Christmas” CD. If you are a Facebook fan and want to hear a sample song click here.

To continue this week of giveaways, today I’m giving 5 commenters 2 CD’s – one to keep and one to give to someone else. If you want to be entered in the drawing, leave a comment below telling me who you’d bless with this CD, and why.

Congratulations to the winners of yesterday’s giveaway!! They are Jodi Rosser, ‘Memeg’, Marilyn Beauchamp and Erin Paige. We will contact you today by email to let you know how to receive your signed copy of Greater.

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A Week Of Giveaways!

Hi Friends…

I’m celebrating you this Thanksgiving by offering lots of giveaways this week! To start us off, I’ve asked Melissa Taylor, leader of the Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies to tell you about today’s giveaway. Here’s Melissa…

I am so excited to kick off Lysa’s week full of giveaways! Let me explain who I am and what I do, then I’ll explain what I’m giving away!

My name is Melissa Taylor, and I work with Lysa at Proverbs 31 Ministries. I lead our Online Bible Studies, and in fact, we just finished Lysa’s latest study, Unglued. It was AMAZING!

A few years ago we saw that many in our audience needed a way to engage in God’s Word, beyond our “Encouragement for Today” daily devotion.

I decided to do an online Bible study and have been blown away by what God is doing! This past month we celebrated the fact that we had over 15,000 people studying Unglued.

If you visit Lysa’s blog much, then you have heard her mention her pastor, Steven Furtick. He is the pastor of Elevation Church in Charlotte, NC and has written 2 incredible books. His latest, Greater, is the next Online Bible Study we are doing.

Here’s what Lysa had to say about Greater: “Pastor Steven’s powerful yet vulnerable teaching grabbed my heart, equipped my mind, and stirred my soul like no other book I’ve ever read. This is one I will return to again and again. For anyone who has ever dared to dream, but doesn’t know how to turn their dreams into reality, Greater is a must-read.”

I’m so excited to give away 4 copies of Greater today, signed by Pastor Furtick!!! Greater is about starting small, dreaming big, and watching God ignite His vision for your life. It’s all about finding out what God’s purpose for us is and putting it to use! To win a signed copy of Greater, just leave a comment!

If you’d like to join Proverbs 31 Ministries and study Greater together, sign up here. The study begins November 25th and all you need to participate is the book, Greater, which you can purchase for 25% off here.

Big Blessings,

Melissa Taylor

Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies Leader

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I Miss You…

I’ve been a little quiet on the blog lately. I am a little swallowed under with some

ministry assignments. But oh how I have missed you!

As Thanksgiving approaches, I want to really focus my heart in the right place.

It’s easy to get caught up in the holiday shuffle. Hours of meal preparations are right

around the corner, and Black Friday discount flyers seem to be pouring in by the

truckload.

A constant reminder of the things that we still need to do. There’s always something,

right?

And most times, this flurry of activity doesn’t cultivate in me a thankful heart.

Although we may be busier than ever, the key to slowing life down lies within the

simple things.

The things that we sometimes overlook.

The things that are easy to forget to notice and whisper to God, “Thank you.”

No matter what circumstances are staring at me, there is always, always, ALWAYS

something for which to be thankful.

This month, I thought keeping a thanksgiving journal would be a fun activity to try.

At the beginning of November, I encouraged my Facebook friends and Twitter

followers to write down things for which they are thankful. I posted accompanying

Bible verses on Facebook and Twitter every day to help tie God’s word back into

these daily reflections.

Here are 3 I’ve posted:

“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will

sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.” Psalm 13:5-6

“Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be

thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our ‘God

is a consuming fire.’” Hebrews 12:28-29

“And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the

Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” Colossians 3:17

For those of you who didn’t catch this on Facebook, I’d love for you to pop over

to my page and get connected. I’ll be posting verses every day for the month of

November.

For those of you who have seen my posts, it has been so encouraging to hear how

God is moving as you blog your thankful thoughts, post Facebook statuses, and

share personal thanksgiving stories.

Some of you are even using this activity in your family devotion time or turning it

into an arts and crafts activity for your children to enjoy.

However you choose to spend your time reflecting on what you’re thankful for

today, I pray that you see all God’s blessings in fresh, beautiful ways.

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments today. Tell me something for which

you are thankful.

And if you have been following along on Facebook and Twitter… How have you been

expressing your gratitude? Are you keeping a journal or are you doing something

else? I’d love to hear how God has been working through this activity.

I can’t wait to hear from you today. I’ve missed hearing your sweet voices through

your comments.

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From Overpowered to Empowered

Originally published on October 3, 2012.

A few weeks ago I drove to the airport in the pouring rain. The skies were grey. The day felt a bit gloomy. And honestly, so did I.

There were just a lot of little things swarming my thoughts. Feelings of inadequacy stinging. “There are so many things I’m responsible for and never enough hours in the day. I do enough to keep things from sinking. But I just wonder if I’m doing anything well. I don’t think I am – doing anything well.”

The more I focused on these thoughts, the more overpowered I became. The more overpowered I became, the more withdrawn I felt.

I pulled into the parking space and started the fight with my luggage. My suitcase has two wheels missing. And of course I keep intending to do something about this. But I don’t have time. So I make do with a crazy suitcase and a crazy life and a crazy sense I should just pack my family up and move out west somewhere. Live on a ranch where we grow our own food and I cook beans in a black pot over an open flame.

Surely that would fix everything.

Except that I know it wouldn’t.

Because the chaos isn’t from my circumstances. It’s inside me.

I boarded the plane. I stared out the window. I watched the grey clouds envelop us.

And then the grey broke.

Suddenly, we rose above the clouds and the sun was shining crazy bright and far wide and fabulously clear.

The clouds were just a temporary covering. They didn’t stop the sun from shining. They just prevented my eyes from seeing the sun. And it wasn’t just the sky that appeared a little brighter. My mood did as well.

I started to shift from feeling overpowered to empowered as I realized three things:

* Just because I feel it doesn’t make it real.

Just like I felt the sun was gone but it was very much still there, I might feel like I’m not doing anything well, but it doesn’t make it true. The fact that I have weaknesses doesn’t make everything about me weak. I have plenty of strengths.

All I have to do is ask a couple of my friends or my family members to help me see what I do well. I can celebrate those, and then get a plan for bettering things that need improvement. I can start by identifying one thing to improve on this month. And do a little toward making that one thing better.

* There are a lot of people who would trade their best day for my worst day.

Yes, I have a lot to manage. And yes, sometimes things get a little foggy. But that doesn’t mean I have to stay swallowed up in the grey. That means I need to get my head above the clouds and see all the many places where the sun is shining brightly in my life. So, I can start making a list of things for which I need to be thankful.

* My mind needs some space to think.

If I always run at a breakneck pace, I’m eventually going to break. My mind is a powerful tool, capable of seeing things that can be done more efficiently and effectively if I give myself time to think. When is the last time I just sat quietly with a pen and paper and asked the Lord to help me think?

If the clouds have been looming close lately, maybe it’s time to stop. Pause. Lift your eyes to an altitude that can rearrange your attitude.

And if you happen to know where I can get some good luggage with sturdy wheels, do tell.

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Answering Your Questions About Pornography, Part 2

While it hasn’t been an easy discussion, bringing pornography out from the shadows is an important thing to do. I get a ton of letters from women in devastating situations due to pornography. Both because their husband is addicted, or they are.

Either way, it’s important to talk about.

But first, I want to let those of you who get this blog emailed to you know that I was just as caught off guard as anyone that political ads were attached to my post. The service I use did this without my knowledge. So, I have upgraded my service to the level where there should be no ads attached at all.

If you ever have any more problems with this, please let me know.

And thank you for your graciousness. That’s one of the many reasons why I love you so!

Today’s post will help answer an understandable concern some of you expressed from Monday’s post. If you missed part 1 of this discussion click here.

Here’s your question and Jake Larson, from XXX church, with an answer:

Is it really my husband’s issue, and not about my shortcomings, or lack of adventure in the bedroom?

 

I think what you are asking is, “If the wife was more creative and adventurous in the bedroom would it solve his problem?” Here’s my straightforward answer, not a chance! 

So many women have said to me in counseling sessions, following the discovery of their husband’s addiction, that they have a good sex life with their husband. 

I look at the husband and he agrees. By the way, this response by the husband almost sends the wife into an all out rage! It makes no sense to her. 

Hear me, your husband’s pornography addiction is NOT about you. 



You couldn’t be pretty enough, adventurous enough, or curvy enough to make it go away. Although a healthy sexual relationship will help a husband through recovery, he did not turn to pornography because of you. 

The reason why a man turns to pornography is often connected to his own insecurities and childhood. At some point in his life he learned that pornography would give him a reward in the midst of his fears, doubts, pain, and dysfunction.

Pornography became the one thing he could run to for relief when confused and hurting. The key to recovery is learning how to run to relationships of unconditional love.

___________________________________________________________________________________

 

From Lysa:  

For other men it’s a temptation of senses.  We live in a world saturated with opportunity to connect with inappropriate images.  

And this isn’t just a male issue. I’ve received letters from women addicted as well.

That’s why I wanted to provide a step toward getting help. A place to get some more answers. Visit the XXX Church website here.

In the comments below, let’s each pray for men and women caught in this addiction. Pray for their relationships, for healing, and for hope.

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What Women Want To Know About Pornography

A few weeks ago, I got an email from Jake Larson, with XXX church. He asked me if I’d like to guest post on his site. As my team and I read through Jake’s blog and checked out his website, we all felt certain he needed to post on my site. He is having a huge impact helping free people from the devastation of pornography.

I’ll be honest; there was a part of me that thought maybe this is too risky of an issue to tackle in our little blog space on the Internet.

But then I posted about the topic on facebook and realized women were begging to see this addressed. Really addressed.  

So, we’re going there today. What women want to know about pornography.

Your questions.  

Jake’s answers.

I just found out that my husband has an addiction to pornography, where do I go from here? What are my first steps as his wife? What am I supposed to do to help him?

 

This is a great question and I’ll tell you why. You are asking questions that are going to put you in a helper role verses a hinder role.

Although you are angry, hurt, and burdened by this discovery, it is imperative that you do not become another disperser of shame. Most men who are wrapped up in an addiction to pornography feel a level of shame that is paralyzing. They are well aware their behavior is detrimental to their marriage, to their relationship with God, and to their role as a father.

The shame pornography produces is literally killing men from the inside out. More than a lecture on the top ten reasons why he is scum, he needs to know that you are hurt, but you will help. Here are a few necessary steps:

 

Share with a friend

In order to help, you must immediately find a healthy outlet to be heard. Many women are so embarrassed by this discovery that they hide the pain and the secret from those who love them the most.

Immediately after finding out about your husband’s addiction to pornography you must seek out a friend and share your disappointment, pain, and insecurity. You will need the support.

 

“By yourself you’re unprotected. With a friend you can face the worst. Can you round up a third? A three-stranded rope isn’t easily snapped.” [ECCLESIASTES 4:12]

 

Require Tangible Steps

If your husband doesn’t take steps that require him to sacrifice time, money, pride, or freedom he will not succeed. It is absolutely imperative that you demand he gets help.

I have never met anyone who has overcome an addiction to pornography alone. It will not happen and it does not happen. Real tangible steps and sacrifices are the key to recovery.

He must meet with another man who will help him develop a plan for success.

He must be accountable for his actions online through filters and accountability software (www.x3watch.com).

He must give you access to his devices that enable him to view pornography.

He must dig deep into his soul and discover why he runs to pornography.

 

Many times men will tell their spouse that they are so sorry and will never do it again. At the time, he really does mean what he is saying. He sees the pain and hates the sin – he doesn’t want to go back to it. However, his statement of abstinence is far short from what is required to overcome the temptation.

 

Stay Engaged in The Relationship

Do not choose this as a time to check out and pull back your love. Your husband needs to know that he can count on your support and encouragement.

There is a big difference between staying engaged and enabling his behavior. This is not supposed to be an easy process with minimal discomfort for your husband.

However, isolation and shame often cause a man to spiral back into his unwanted sexual behavior. He needs your presence, encouragement, and love. This love demands actions, repentance, and responsibility.

 

The Bible says that you are your husband’s helpmate. Where he is weak you will be strong. As you stay engaged you will turn his weaknesses into strengths! He is going to be stronger and better with you in his corner than without you. Walking through this process together can be the beginning of a stronger, healthier, and Godlier marriage.

 

 

What can I do as a wife to help my husband preventatively?

 

In no way is this exhaustive, but here are a few suggestions.

The deepest need for a man is to be respected. Yes, even above sex (barely). He needs to know that you appreciate him and admire all he does for you and the family. This is key to any healthy marriage!

Second, meet his sexual needs. If you don’t make his sexual needs a priority his eyes will wander and he will struggle. Most every man will have a greater struggle with lust leading to pornography usage without a healthy sexual relationship with his wife.

Third, protect him. We can’t handle movies with strong sexual content and we’ll struggle in stimulating environments. However, we’ll experience them with you if you’ll let us and it won’t help our purity. Be an additional set of eyes protecting our purity. 

 

Is pornography wrong if it is something a couple enjoys together?

 

Yes. Many couples seem to fall into this temptation. They want some additional spice in their sex lives and pornography becomes the solution.

Only one problem, pornography is not reality. Pornography gives us unrealistic expectations of our spouse and turns sex into a purely physical act.

Women are damaged from pornography on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level. Watching pornography to spice up your sex life is like going to a marriage enrichment seminar taught by someone who has been divorced 4 times. If you want to learn how to connect with your spouse sexually from a dysfunctional and harmful role model, then pornography may be your method of choice.

 

Second, God created sex to be enjoyed between a husband and a wife. We are not to defile our marriage bed by inviting others to join us (Hebrews 13:4, Matthew 5:28).

 

“Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth. 19 She is a loving deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts satisfy you always. May you always be captivated by her love.” Proverbs 5:18-19

 

One woman asked, “What’s the big deal if my husband is thinking about a porn star while having sex with me?” I don’t know, only that he is fantasizing and lusting after a woman who is not his wife.

The third person in bed with you is purely fantasy today to become reality tomorrow. Pornography is not satisfied with a casual user. It will take you further down pornography blvd. than you ever expected to go.

 

Jake Larson is a Pastor at XXX church. You can follow him at www.jakelarson.com, www.twitter.com/larsonjake, and www.facebook.com/larson.jake. 

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Do I want to make peace or progress?

I like peace. I crave peace. I want peace — in my relationships, in my ministry, in my life. Peace is good. But sometimes I want peace so much that I sacrifice progress for the sake of peace. And I’m learning that’s a mistake.

If I make my primary goal to keep the peace, I limit the opportunity to address things that need to be addressed. I shy away from addressing conflicts. I limit necessary communication. And when you limit communication, you limit the potential of the relationship.

I’m trying to remind myself daily it’s not the absence of conflict that determines whether or not my relationships are healthy. It’s knowing how to handle the conflicts that will arise. It’s desiring to make progress even if it costs me some peace. It’s realizing peace and progress don’t often hold hands and operate simultaneously.

Progress disrupts the flow of passivity.

Progress propels us out of a comfort zone.

Progress pushes against the resistance of neutrality.

And calls us to want our relationships to be better even if that costs us some peace.

Remember conflict doesn’t always mean we have to fight against something and tear it apart. Conflict can also mean we’re fighting for something to make it even better and stronger than it’s ever been.

Do you have a relationship you need to fight for in your life? My book, Unglued, will equip you to have better relationships as you learn to address areas of conflict in healthy ways that lead to progress. Don’t enter this year’s holiday season without it.

And if you’ve read Unglued leave me a comment below and tell me what you learned. Even if it’s that I’m way more crazy than you. I definitely let my crazy out in this new book. Smiles.

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The Unraveling Of A Marriage

I had a favorite sweater I loved wearing. It wasn’t too bulky but was still warm and cozy. The only problem was the threads were loosely woven together. It would snag on things, so I had to be ever so careful when I wore it.

I was always mindful of the delicate nature of this sweater so I could protect it, make it last, and enjoy wearing it time and again.

Until one day I was in a hurry. I grabbed some things I needed for a meeting and rushed to my car. I tossed all my stuff over to the passenger seat, including a spiral notebook. A spiral notebook whose metal binding wire had gotten caught on my sleeve. As I pulled my arm toward the steering wheel, the notebook came with it and pulled a huge snag in my sweater.  

I unhooked myself and assessed the damage.

What I should have done was taken the sweater off, put something else on, and later taken the time to repair the snag the correct way.

But in the rush of all I had going on, I made the tragic decision to do what seemed easiest in the moment. I snipped the lose threads and hoped for the best.

That tragic decision started an unraveling process that ended the life of that beautiful sweater.

A few days ago, my husband and I got into an argument. In front of the kids. Over something so stupid. Right before we were about to head out the door to go on a date.

In the heat of the argument he announced the date was off. He no longer wanted to go.  

And honestly, I no longer wanted to go either.

I wanted to go sit in a coffee shop by myself and make a mental list of all the reasons I was right. All the reasons he was wrong. And justify my perspective.

But it’s at this exact moment of resistance that an unraveling can begin.

Doing what seems easy in the moment often isn’t what’s best for the long term.

I pushed for us to still go on our date. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. There were tears. There were awkward stretches of silence.

But we pushed through the resistance we both felt, and eventually talked.  

Talking through the snags. The pulls. The things that threaten to unravel us.

There is a delicate nature to marriage. It’s so easy to forget that. It’s so easy to take it all for granted and stop being careful. Stop being mindful. Stop being protective.

The unraveling can happen so quickly.

What’s something you can do today to invest wisely in your marriage? To be mindful of your mate? To protect your relationship?

For me? I have to apologize. The right way. By admitting I was wrong and asking for forgiveness. Repairing the snags the right way… tying a knot and tucking it back into the weave of our relationship fabric.

Isn’t it funny that when we get married it’s called “tying the knot.” For us, this wasn’t just an act at the altar. It’s something we have to do over and over again.

After you leave a comment below… visit my (in)courage guest post called “When I Want to be Mean,” by clicking here.

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Where In The World Is Lysa…

I bet you’ve been wondering where Lysa has been, never fear! I hear she’s somewhere in Antarctica… just kidding! She’s actually on a 10-day trip all over the country speaking about Unglued.

Since she is gone we thought we’d share something fun with you…

Its been almost 3 months since Unglued released and if you are like me, you read it and felt all motivated to have better reactions. But lately I’ve started letting those raw emotions start controlling me again.

I’m “correcting” the girl at the checkout counter or storing up retaliation rocks that I’ll soon hurl at my husband.

So… to help keep us on track and inspired we designed 4 colorful key tags! These are really cute and so helpful to remind all of us about the things we’ve been learning!

Each key tag has its own inspirational quote from Unglued:

• If this is the worst thing that happens to me today, it’s still a pretty good day.

• The one who holds the tongue, holds the power.

• My feelings are indicators, not dictators.

• Am I trying to prove that I am right, or improve the relationship?

All you have to do to order your set of key tags is click here - the only fee is shipping and handling.

So the next time you’re at the grocery store shopping for all the things you forgot to get for dinner-

…your child is screaming because he missed his nap-

…you are trying to quickly get through the check out line so you can retreat to your car and avoid everyone in the store who is staring at you and said screaming child-

…the sweet girl at the check out line tells you that your card has been declined (when you KNOW there is no possible way that’s true.)-

…You’ll have something to remind you that “If this is the worst thing that happens to me today its still a pretty good day”

Lysa will be back soon… I promise. In the mean time we hope you enjoy the key tags!  And if you happen to be in a group reading Unglued together, let us know in the comments below. One group will win free key tags for your whole group and a 15 minute conference call with Lysa!

Just let us know in the comments below a few facts about your group including what city you are in. So fun!

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Why I’m Breaking Up With My “Quiet Time”

I’m taking a break from having a quiet time. Because sometimes I can get in a rut. Even with good things. And having a daily quiet time is a good thing. Until it becomes more about routine than actually connecting with God.

When God becomes routine rather than revival, it’s time to switch things up.

Otherwise, I might start seeing this time as less important. It becomes the second or third thing I do. After other things. Seemingly more pressing things. Before I know it, it’s been days since I connected privately and personally with Truth.

And then my soul feels a bit off and sluggish. Like when my stomach has been denied food, a desperation starts creeping over other parts of the body. That happens with soul hunger too.

Only the triggers for stomach hunger are much more apparent. My brain quickly reminds me, “You feel awful because you need to eat.”

Sometimes my brain isn’t as quick to pick up on soul hunger. So I just lumber forward but wonder, “What’s wrong?” I think of a list of reasons… I’m tired, I haven’t had enough fun, girlfriend time or my butt looks big in these jeans.

And while some of those things may be true — it’s not why I feel off.

I need more time with God.

Not more quiet time.

More listening time.

This morning as I sat with God with nothing but willingness to listen, three things popped into my mind. I can’t say “God spoke to me” but it felt right. I need to do some new things as I listen. Listen. Listen.

* Study wisdom by reading a chapter in Proverbs everyday.

Ask God to reveal “my verse” for the day and think of ways to apply it. I listen.

* Read something from someone I admire.

I need to study leadership right now. So, I pick up a book written on this topic by someone I admire and glean from their wisdom. I listen.

* Read something from someone I trust.

There’s a book I’m reading right now that is whimsical and grounded all at the same time. It makes me feel like this writer gets me. They get my struggles and offer up advice I know I can trust. I listen.

Maybe you think all this still sounds like a quiet time, but to me it’s different. It’s a listening time. A time to shake things up a bit and get outside my normal routine. A time to listen to God speak. And He does speak… through His book of wisdom, through someone I admire and through someone I trust.

And this morning? My soul felt that thrilling and comforting full feeling. Complete. Satisfied. Deeply nourished.

What do you need to break up with so you can connect more closely and listen more intently to God?

If the topic of relationships and conflict is something you’re wanting to study right now, my book, Unglued, will help you have better reactions. This might be a really good thing to study as the holidays are approaching. To find out more, click here.

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