Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 12
April 18, 2025
Not Getting Triggered
Is a huge step forward for me. The ability to experience my normal triggers without reacting is really a big deal. It's not about containing or controlling the feelings that are uncontrollable....it's more, that you don't have those emotions ( feelings ) in the first place, or they're reduced so much, they're almost under the radar.
Yesterday was a perfect example. I've noticed the tell tale signs that she was not processing or dealing with things well. overwhelm I think. I sensed it coming so I was prepared. In a somewhat, irrational moment, I recieved a chastising and a lecture about the usual things that bother her. In the big picture, we were revisiting the: get everything done first ( in a rush, with a sense of urgency ) then relax vs pacing yourself, taking breaks and not trying to kill yourself in the process. This is definitely like the old "Tortious and Hare" fable...except, I'm more like the Hare and the tortoise combined. I start slow, go fast, get sidetracked ( on other chores ) come back and finish one while having others started at the same time. It's not very linear I know, but it's all getting done.
This drives her crazy to watch and I do understand why. Yet, it's really just a preference as to "how to do it"...not that it doesn't get done. The order ( priorities ) are different and the reasons why.
She's all stressed out with work too which is a huge part of it...so watching me work this way just exacerbates these feelings for her.
But, this way of work, works for me. It keeps me in flow, and allows me to allocate my energy as I need it. Hard things first, easy things last, and a few quick things in between batchesd together with other "like operations". I'm not expecting her to understand ( which I don't even try to ) I'd just prefer she not watch me do it since it stresses her out.
So yesterday, in a kick the dog moment, she ramped up her complaining about how I don't do it like her...basically. This would normally trigger me and set me in motion...but I sat there and listened and had very little to say. After a few minute down load, she seemed as if she was done.
I said, "are you finished? " And she indicated she was. Without saying anything, I got up and continued working with a little more "urgency" involved. I finished everything I said I would, and then left for the store ( the last thing I'm my list ) which requires no real physical effort .( which is easy for me ).
The thing is. None of that was necessary. I was doing everything I said I would do...but doing it all in a different way and order than she would. The chastising and frustration sharing...was simply what she does. And I was ready for it.
Later, she apologized for being "crabby" and made several mentions later that she acknowledged she was being difficult.
That never use to happen before when I would react ( or overreact ) because I was triggered. I still don't enjoy these moments but....I'm the one in control ( of myself ) and that is what's different.
The ability for me for me to do this is a big step forward for me....with no residual hard feelings and maintaining the same composure without letting it get to me.
The rest of the day went without incident and the evening went as if none of it ever happened. She sent me another apology today from work and I responded by telling her I still love her anyway.
That's exactly what I would want, knowing how it is, when you lose your ability to cope sometimes. That's what feels good. Behaving in the way, I would want myself.
April 17, 2025
First Time Request for Help
We are about to " Celebrate our 54th year of loving marriage but these last few months of this year have presented stress and depression between us. There has been no communication or joyance experiences between us like all the years before. We have become introverted and agoraphobic that we never go out together anymore. I buy her things for holidays, manage day to day expenses, help with anything she wishes but her face and demure remain sad. In our teens, a tickle and dinner out would replace any short term depression. Now I have come to a blog site for support and only hope someone out there understands. Else "Not trying enough" will be my pain. It may be "Married on Friday the 13th" was what the end curse meant for the last of our married life. Sad!
April 16, 2025
Never a Problem
“Let’s be clear. A person is a person. A problem is a problem. A person is never a problem.”
- Christine Hargrove, PhD, LMFT
Never a ProblemPlease read Christine’s quote above one more time – slowly.
I have been giving a series of workshops on the topic of resentment for the new Intent to Action program, and ADHD partners agreed that one of the things they resent the most is that they feel as if they are treated as if they are a problem that needs to be fixed. If you have ADHD, you likely know what that might feel like. If you don’t, stop a moment and imagine how debilitating that would be. You’re not a person so much as a problem to be addressed or fixed. It’s not hard to understand why this is such a strong source of resentment for ADHD partners.
Treating a person as ‘the problem’ really, truly, misses the point.
Yes, your partner might be struggling with ADHD symptoms that manifest as ADHD symptomatic behaviors. Or, they might not yet be able to address your concerns about ADHD or even be resistant to your concerns. Nonetheless, it is the ADHD itself (and their life of experience with ADHD), NOT your partner as a person, that is the problem. More accurately, not the problem but likely just one of the problems you face as this is never just about one partner or ADHD.)
Correctly attributing where your various problems originate makes a difference to your success. If ADHD is one of your problems, then:
You can act as together as two people ready to address ADHD concerns in your joint relationship. This puts the two of you as equals tackling something that can be difficult.
You can continue to respect your ADHD partner’s efforts to manage their ADHD (since they are not their ADHD). You might not understand their efforts, but you can generally assume they are doing their best.
You can allow that ADHD is a significant issue – your partner (the person) may work hard to manage the ADHD (problem) but may not always be successful. That doesn’t make them a bad person (or a problem) – just someone trying their best (whatever that ‘best’ looks like).
You are likely to be more compassionate
The ADHD partner is less likely to feel attacked, dismissed or unloved and, therefore, more likely to engage with creating change
Do you or your partner think the ADHD partner is a problem that needs to be fixed? If so, I urge you to create a new story that will better support your growth.
HIGHLIGHT:Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - We're thrilled that people are getting a lot out of Intent to Action. You can still get one of the last spots for the lifetime rate of $124/month if you Join us soon!
Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD SEMINARS, GROUPS:NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 4th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar
Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.
FREE RESOURCES: Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters; Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD"; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists; Chore Score Worksheet; Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHDWhat is Parent-Child Dynamics, and is It in Your Relationship?
Parent-Child Dynamics (PCD) is the most common pattern we see in ADHD-impacted relationships. It’s a co-dependent pattern, in which one partner (often a non-ADHD partner or a female ADHD partner) over-functions in the relationship, while the less organized partner under-functions. (This is typically an ADHD partner, but sometimes a male partner socialized to not participate in responsibilities). Though common, it is a pattern that is corrosive in a relationship and is often one of the first places couples can find relief once they start working on it.
What do Parent-Child Dynamics look like?If you are the more organized partner in your relationship and you do any of the following, it’s quite possible you are parenting your partner:
Keep track of whether or not they are doing many of their agreed-to tasks Provide education about how to do things better without asking if they want advice Judge, and then critique, their efforts as not being good enough Regularly remind your partner of their obligations or deadlines Find yourself regularly thinking ‘if I don’t do it, it won’t get done’ and feeling resentful or unhappy about thatIf you are the less organized partner in your relationship and you do any of the following, it’s quite possible you are in a child-like role in your relationship:
Regularly agree to tasks, often don’t follow through, and have no regularly-used method to improve your consistency or notify your partner Write off your partner’s concerns as “being too picky” or “too emotional” rather than seek to understand their concerns Find yourself regularly feeling defensive when your partner talks about shared responsibilities Leave a trail of incomplete tasks and commitments Ask your partner to keep you organized with reminders, lists and direction PCD diminishes you bothPCD generally results in hard feelings and a growing distance between partners. In the face of ADHD-inspired chaos, the over-managing ‘parent’ partner starts to feel as if they must start taking over ‘or else it won’t get done.’ Though they do it, they typically resent being in charge or feel they are overwhelmed by responsibilities. They may lose their patience, becoming directive, nagging, reminding and critical. Plus, it’s exhausting. It’s lonely. Their partner doesn’t respond well – often becoming defensive and resistant. And, the ‘manager’ role puts them on a higher level of status than their partner – negatively impacting their sex life, their feelings of affection, and more.
The partner who is not consistently reliable in the relationship due to under-managed ADHD symptoms or a lack of interest in tasks, ends up either retreating or fighting. They feel constantly critiqued, nagged, ‘helped’ and reminded. On top of a childhood of critiques and a history of trouble following through successfully, the parenting becomes a trigger, often tapping into defensiveness, low self-esteem or shame. They may feel overwhelmed, or as if they will ‘never be good enough, so why try?’ The ‘child’ position in PCD may leave them with little sense of agency or accomplishment. They are at a lower status than the managing parent figure – not sexy nor even feeling like a partner.
Are Parent-Child Dynamics in your relationship?Chances are, probably so. If that’s so, then the basic prescription for improvement is to become more aware of your own contribution to the pattern move yourself out of the role you currently play. ‘Child’ partners can improve their
For the child-like partners:
Learn all you can about your ADHD and how to manage it effectively. There are many paths you might follow across all three legs of ADHD treatment. Start with any of these resources: ADHD & Marriage couples seminar; our Intent to Action program; (XXX Adult ADHD by Russell Barkley); My Brain’s Not Broken; ADHD-Friendly Ways to Manage Your Life. They all offer excellent strategies and information you can implement Focus your efforts to become more reliable and improve your management of ADHD using target symptoms. See the free treatment ebook on the home page or the “How to Set Your Target Symptoms” workshop in the Intent to Action program (where we also help you select management options likely to work for you) Set SMART or ‘yes/no’ goals that are easy to evaluate and then hold yourself accountable. Learn from problems you encounter to modify your approach. You can do this, but it takes work. Consider using an experienced ADHD coach to help you create the strategies that work best for you. We have coaches in our consulting group and you can also check with your local CHADD chapter for suggestions.For parenting partners:
Determine what is really important vs. ‘nice to have.’ With a partner who struggles to reliably complete their obligations you may need to make some choices. Align your priorities with your most closely held values to understand what you should emphasize and what you can let go of. Resources to learn how to do this include the ADHD & Marriage seminar and Teri Cole’s Boundary Boss. Observe, name and address the anxiety you feel about your partner’s inconsistent approach. A good bit of ‘parenting’ is driven by anxiety. Find ways to address that anxiety by: changing who does what; finding ways to effectively self-soothes; gaining perspective with the boundaries exercise in the previous bullet Learn all you can about ADHD and ADHD-impacted relationships to gain compassion towards the struggle your partner faces. Set aside time to take care of yourself and, secondarily, your partner as a person, rather than an implementer. Counter-intuitively, focusing too much on the issues you and your partner face can add to, rather than alleviate, anxiety.Tags: Parent/Child Dynamics ADHD over-functioning under-functioning nagging critiques defensiveness
April 15, 2025
Avoid him entirely?
Am having an emotional meltdown at my relative’s holiday house, where my severe ADD partner and I have spent a lot of time as a family. The house and surroundings are a huge trigger now.
I feel this moment (crying my heart out) like shit for how he’s treated me and for what’s happened to other relations as a consequence. I don’t know how to live, I don’t know how to protect myself, but perhaps I should try to avoid him altogether, like never see him for children’s events or anything else?
I feel I need protection since I’ve run out of bravery. Not see him, not go to this holiday house. Is this a good idea? What does one do about betrayal trauma? I’ve tried everything I know of to rebuild life without him, but I’m an emotional wreck. I don’t know how to do anything anymore…
Would be grateful for your ideas.
April 13, 2025
One month divorced...
My house is clean :)...And empty!!! Yes!!!.....It took her months to move her stuff. Most of it in the last 50 days, because she (as usual) always plays and justifies waiting to the last minute...No dopamine in doing it orderly, and early, now is it...lol....After she left, I have had probably 5000 pounds of (garbage) stuff to get rid of...I'm about finished, (maybe a few drawers)...I can walk around and I have ton's of room in the house and shop!! :)...I've be able to start remodeling one area at a time...Doing most of the work myself...I come home from the grocery store a couple of days ago, and was able to place my grocery's on the table...It was the probably the first time in years I wasn't forced to place them on the stove top to put away :)...I didn't know whether to cry or shout for joy! I called a friend (former co-worker, and we also attended the same church) who has been divorced from an abusive husband for 4 years, and we have been walking together in the afternoon's when she gets off work...She and I probably want ever remarry, (both been hurt so badly) but she is awesome, and extremely beautiful, and we have ton's in common...We both want to be friends for a long time, and do things together...I cook a good bit, and offer her food...:)...I told her if she don't want me offering to feed her, to just tell me...She said I don't mind at all! :)...This past Thursday after we walked and went our separate ways to clean up...She came over to the house and I grilled us a nice ribeye w/trimmings...She jumped right in and made our salads, retrieved our potatoes from the stove etc..(highly efficient, new for me) and we shared a bottle of wine, and talked right there at the table for a couple of hours...Just to have adult conversation w/ some one who is attentive and kind is almost more than my heart can handle...:)
I got my first real apology from my ex. the last day she could be in the house moving stuff...She walked into the room I was in, and looked me in the eye's and said....I had no idea how much stuff I had...I want to apologize for keeping you trapped in this hoarded up prison...Then she calmly said: "I'm a hoarder" and I will need time and help to get better...I almost cried...
Many people who live in minds that are so self absorbed, that most of their time and thoughts are about self pleasing activities. These mind types can be quiet numb (as we read here often) to the needs of others, and even how their lived out actions effect others...Especially a spouse...These mind type's do well single...
c
April 12, 2025
Six Years with ADHD + Unknown Partner
Hello all,
I’m a new user on this forum. Honestly, I was just browsing the web at my wit’s end hoping to find something that would help ease the seemingly hopeless frustration I’ve been feeling.
Just a little bit about me, I am a fairly young (early 30s) neurotypical American guy. I have been together with my wife (similar age) for six years now, and we have one child together with another on the way. We met just before graduate school, and we fell in love just before the chaos of COVID.
My wife has been diagnosed with moderate to severe ADHD, but she has daily floods of negativity and sadness from what appears to be undiagnosed depression/OCD that makes her very challenging to be around. My personal therapist described it as “wallowing in misery”, and I often catch him looking at me like I’m crazy for staying when I describe some of the things she says. I would explain it as extreme self loathing combined with anxiety and guilt about failing to meet expectations. She’s guilty about almost everything she does, but it frustrates me because she doesn’t actually do anything about it.
When we started dating, she was fun, sexy and held a part time job as a personal trainer. She still probably wasn’t “neurotypical” (I’m not sure such a thing even exists), but she appeared capable of managing her emotions better. Fast forward to the last two years and there has been a noticeable regression in her mental state.
The first struggle with her ADHD is that she refuses to go out of the house (or on vacations) unless very specific criteria are met. I’m not exaggerating here, we have ruined countless trips because she simply had a meal with a particular seasoning on it that she thought “didn’t taste right”. Something like this quite literally happens nearly every time we go out. It feels like there’s always something wrong with the activity that merits going home super early. She can’t sit through a movie or even go to a nice restaurant without forcing us to leave 30 minutes in. I’m constantly bending over backwards to accommodate her need, and it feels like I really need to be a mind reader to catch this stuff early.
For me, coming home from work sometimes can be demoralizing. She throws her stuff all over the floor, leaves a shocking mess on every surface - ledges, counters, tables, sofas, etc. I feel like I’m working two jobs when I return home at 5 because the house genuinely looks like a bomb went off. I’m not a clean freak, but I don’t even have enough space to sit down, let alone relax. I spend so much time cleaning and taking trash off the various surfaces that I really should be getting paid for it. I’m an engineer by trade, but I often find myself anxious about messes at the office because I’m afraid that if I don’t take care of them, they’ll stay like that for weeks like at home.
As for our son, he’s in daycare, so my wife and I don’t need to care for him during the day. After he’s home however, she gets extremely overwhelmed and totally checks out after spending less than an hour with him. That usually means that I end up taking care of him most of the evening, and almost all of the weekend. I love my son, and I try to be intentional about my time with him, but I am just an emotional ash heap some days from having fill the void of a second parent.
My wife is currently employed, but she has a hard time maintaining consistent work. Seemingly like clockwork, she develops a petty problem with coworkers or management then becomes depressed and eventually starts trying to quit. After the last time this happened, I suggested that she should try staying at home for a few months and see if she would prefer that. We weren’t rich back then, but I budgeted for it. But that didn’t fix things unfortunately; she was still a colossal wreck - just this incorrigible pit of sadness alone in a house that wouldn’t look out of place on TLC.
Sex is also a difficult subject. We sometimes go months without being intimate. When we tried for our second child, she insisted on only trying the days her calendar told her to, removing all the fun and enjoyment out of the process. Even when she has a sudden interest again, she doesn’t prioritize me or my feelings. I know that’s strange for a man to say, but I feel like my happiness/satisfaction is always secondary to hers. As a guy, I know I have an additional responsibility towards my partner when it comes to sex. Enthusiastic consent is gospel, and demanding intimacy from your partner is really gross. I want her want me after intentional emotional connection. It’s just that because of her worsened ADHD, dates/quality time I plan for us usually ends up being cancelled. She doesn’t initiate romantic time, and when we do become intimate she puts very little effort into the process. I just don’t feel attractive to her, which has made me feel so hurt.
The only thing she has any kind of consistency with is her phone. I am not a “phone bad” partner, and I don’t hate social media either. But the stimulation from her phone is what dictates her life sometimes. She tries to hide it, but I see the screen time on her device thanks to her alarms. I respect her for trying to fight it, but she regularly clocks over 8 hours on her phone daily. It’s up in front of her face when we’re trying to watch TV, it’s up when we have family over, it’s just a staple of her person nowadays. I know that ADHD has roots in dopamine regulation, which makes social media particularly addictive, but being at the brunt end of it isn’t made any easier by that fact.
I enjoy giving acts of service as part of my love language, so some of her ADHD quirks don’t bother me much at all. She doesn’t like to drive, so I’ll gladly drive her places whenever she needs it. She’s pretty terrible with money, but on the other hand I am pretty great at making money. It’s the rest of the stuff that has been the real struggle.
I am still trying to talk to her about these behaviors, but that often feels like a lost cause, which really breaks my heart. When I try to tell her how I feel about my stress as a consequence of ADHD relationship burnout, she gets defensive and tells me to break up with her. If I ask her to clean something, she immediately blames her condition and starts feeling “guilty” about it. I’m not trying to make her feel guilty, I just need help. Also, I have to maintain a laser-precise tone during conversations out of fear that she’ll shut down and stop talking to me outright. Imagine you’re (calmly) trying to tell someone to stop stepping on your foot and after every word out of your mouth you’re interrupted with: “stop sounding so on edge” or “try saying it nicer”. As a result, I will admit that I’ve given up expecting anything from her: emotionally, physically, sexually. I just don’t view her as trustworthy or reliable. Some days it feels like I’m pouring my life into a bottomless pit.
I like to imagine myself as a strong adult. I grew up in a pretty rough household. But I have to admit that this relationship has left me emotionally and spiritually drained at times. Even with a personal therapist, I can’t beat these feelings of burnout. Venting to strangers here is satisfying, but I really would appreciate some words or encouragement or suggestions. I know there’s no one size fits all policy to being the partner of a neurodivergent person, but I still appreciate all your insights.
Thank you for your time.
Frustrated
April 11, 2025
What one accepts from the well-intended
Read a recent thread about whether to stay in a difficult ADHD relationship or leave.
To me it seems ADHD partners can be well-intended but functionally dishonest, inconsistent and dismissive of their partner’s needs. Kind and loyal. But then do these immensely destructive, even hateful, things when challenged.
At least for me it’s been the obvious good intentions of my ex husband that’s made staying reasonable for decades.
Now I’m at a loss about his true character. Is he a defensive coward who will sacrifice his loved ones to soothe his frayed ego? Is he a loving and brave man challenged by extreme difficulties I can’t perceive?
Both these things seem true simultaneously. I think that’s why it’s been so hard to decide what to do in the relationship, and also in retrospect to tell its story.
I can’t make up my mind as to whether he’s trustworthy or not.
The connection we’ve had for almost 25 years tells me he’s more unselfish and admirable than most people. At the same time he’s eventually behaved like somebody you’ll never want to lay eyes on again.
Parallel parenting with minimum contact after a high-conflict divorce. Could I ever see it coming? Absolutely not.
It’s still mind boggling, that his dishonesty and vagueness/rage alterations have been able to pass under my emotional radar and finally blown everything up.
What does one accept from the well-intended? Clearly a lot. I imagine more people than I will quickly and intuitively shy away from bad intentions. But the good intentions with no executive functioning?
It’s clear to me why leaving often isn’t easy or straightforward. Even now I don’t see clearly what I should have done or how to proceed.
It seems like an indefinite source of pain.
April 9, 2025
Grief and Love
“Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.”
- Jamie Anderson
Grief and LoveI run into a lot of partners who are experiencing grief but not giving it room to flow through them so they can fully grapple with it. I liked Anderson’s idea of what grief is and wondered if that might help at least some partners allow themselves to grieve more overtly.
Many of my grievers are grappling with the fact that their complicated, sometimes chaotic, high-emotions and/or high-conflict relationship is not what they had expected at the outset of their love and lives together. And, yes, that is worthy of grief. Lots of love there…no place to go, though, when you have such mixed (or even negative) feelings about the struggles you didn’t expect to face.
Allowing your sadness to manifest, and positioning that sadness as love of both a person and also of what might have been, can help you process your feelings and move closer to a place of acceptance. Acceptance is not ‘settling’ (as some people fear) but rather a clearing out dreams, grief, resentment and other emotions that may be keeping you stuck. Accepting who you are, and who your partner is, allows you to start to build from the real place you are. With acceptance, love can learn to unfold again. Without the other complicated emotions in the way, you can seek and reinforce the positive. You can identify what isn’t working and decide whether or not to target change in that area of yourself (and perhaps request something similar of your partner.)
Moving past your grief and into the love that is hiding there can be very powerful, indeed.
HIGHLIGHT:Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - We're thrilled that people are getting a lot out of Intent to Action. Here's what some of our members have to say:
"The information in this program is excellent. And to make it even better Melissa and her team interact with participants to help them apply what is learned in a very clear and practical way to get beneficial results. Highly recommend!"
"The 'action' part of this program alone is worth the investment. It is so impactful in understanding and improving a relationship where ADHD is involved. Totally recommend!"
"After researching many resources on ADHD, this program by far has the best materials and tools we've found to help us on our journey with ADHD."
You can still get one of the last spots for the lifetime rate of $124/month if you Join us soon!
Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD SEMINARS, GROUPS:NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 4th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar
Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.
FREE RESOURCES: Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters; Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD"; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists; Chore Score Worksheet; Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHDMelissa Orlov's Blog
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