Melissa Orlov's Blog, page 9
May 20, 2025
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Your Values
“Fight for your values…"
- from an article in The Atlantic Magazine
Your ValuesNon-ADHD partners who find themselves in a ‘parenting’ position in the Parent-Child Dynamic are often feeling ‘damned if they do and damned if they don’t’ when it comes to changing that pattern between partners.
If they ‘just stop doing stuff’ then chaos may ensue. If they remind or parent their partner, then they remain in the unsustainable parent role. The only effective response that I have found is to use two combined strategies: work with your partner to ensure that support structures are in place to transition some responsibilities (jointly agreed to); and to assess your own values, determine which are the most important to you, and align your own actions with those values. That usually means assessing not only which values you should fight for (per the quote above) and which areas of conflict you can let go of because they are not integral to your living the life you most wish to live.
What follows after reviewing what you hold most dear is setting yourself up to live to your values (sometimes described as living authentically) and negotiating with your partner about what to hold onto and what to let go of.
This approach often takes a mindset shift. We are used to assessing what we ‘need’ by looking back to the traditions of our family of origin or saying we ‘need’ something to address feelings of anxiety or concern.
We do more work on how to brainstorm about your key values and brainstorm about actions you might take to better align you with those values in our Intent to Action (i2a) program as well as our couples seminar.
I hope you take some time to explore this path if you are concerned about parenting your partner.
Register for Info Session May 21
Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from professionals you can trust. Questions?
*** Register for our May 21 Information Session with Melissa and Rachel. Wednesday, May 21st at 8 PM Eastern time. A recording will be shared afterwards if you’re not able to make it.
Struggling to turn your good intentions into lasting action in your ADHD-impacted relationship? You're not alone! Program Director, Rachel Ban, MSW, LICSW, dives into the key role motivation plays in making real, sustainable change in your relationship.
Our i2a program is built to engage YOUR unique motivational style, helping you create healthy, long-lasting relationships.
Get your questions answered and discover how we can help! Register for our May 21 Information Session.
Seminars, Groups:NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 11th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar
Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. Seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.
Free Resources: Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters; Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD"; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists; Chore Score Worksheet; Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHD The ADHD Effect on Marriage was listed in Huff Post as a top book that therapists suggest all couples should read.Is there hope? This video may help you answer that question.
Register for free marriage tips here! "Your weekly messages are beyond wonderful to receive, I cannot thank you enough! Please know the gifts that you give are treasured."
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Mental health is just as critical as bodily fitness, and it's miles better to seek help. If you're handling tension or panic attacks, Xanax may additionally provide the comfort you want to regain balance in your existence. Just don't forget — it’s now not a remedy, but a tool. And while used successfully, it can be a powerful one.
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In current times, speed-paced global anxiety and stress have emerged as all too commonplace. One of the maximum prescribed drug treatments for treating anxiety issues and panic attacks is Xanax. Known for its well-known call, Alprazolam, Xanax belongs to the benzodiazepine class of drugs, which acts on the mind and nerves to provide a relaxing effect.
What Is Xanax?
Xanax works with the useful resource of improving the outcomes of a natural chemical inside the body referred to as GABA (gamma-aminobutyric acid). GABA lets in for the bargain of immoderate thoughts, which might also moreover make contributions to tension and panic issues. By boosting GABA’s outcomes, Xanax slows down nerve activity within the brain, making the user experience greater comfort.
Doctors frequently prescribe Xanax for:
Generalized tension ailment (GAD) Panic sickness Short-term comfort of hysterical signs and symptoms Sleep difficulties are associated with tensionIt is normally available in pill form and taken orally. The dosage relies on the character's situation, age, and reaction to treatment.
Short-Term Relief with Caution
Xanax is particularly powerful for short-term use, however it is crucial to follow your health practitioner’s commands strictly. The drug may be habit-forming, in particular whilst taken in higher doses or for an extended length. That’s why it’s typically no longer prescribed as an extended-term answer except closely monitored by means of a healthcare company.
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Stuck in a cycle of abandonment
Throughout our relationship, my husband has periodically fallen into periods of extreme personal dysfunction (during which he becomes withdrawn, appears to be growing depressed and behaves increasingly unkindly to me) which culminate in him abandoning his family.
It always looks the same — first, he gets really optimistic about his projects (perhaps a bit grandiose and manic) and things feel very exciting and happy for both of us. He becomes more social, and more romantic and loving. I start to feel like maybe our marriage is finally getting on track.
At some point, his demeanor rapidly darkens. He starts staying up all night and sleeping most of the day. He becomes fixated on a TV show, solo hobby, etc. and stops taking care of himself at even the most basic level. He is unhappy, irritable and argumentative. I walk on eggshells and do my best to hold things together.
I do my best to avoid conflict, but he continuously picks fights. If I haven't done anything wrong, he will do something wrong and then find an angle that makes it my fault. Eventually he snaps and tells me it's over and I need to get out.
In the past, I've taken the kids and gone to live with my mother. When we reconciled last time, I insisted we rent two separate apartments so this cycle wouldn't be so disruptive to me.
Well, it's 5 months after our last reconciliation and here we are again. Rather than kick us out, he's decided he doesn't want to see me or the kids for a few days. There's a 6-week project he was tentatively considering doing out of state next month, and the plan was that if he decided to do it we'd all go together and stay in a short term rental. Suddenly he wants to go alone.
We just got approved for a 12-month lease on two new apartments. We need to sign this week or forfeit a $1000 holding deposit. I feel like this isn't a coincidence; my husband doesn't handle stress well and I think this is the straw breaking the camel's back.
I realize this is a terrible situation and I'm not sure I can keep trying to hold a marriage together with someone who keeps dipping out. This cycle has repeated enough now that I recognize that it's not within my control to fix it.
My question: have any of you experienced anything like this? Is this an ADHD thing? Could it be a bipolar thing? I'm trying to understand what I'm up against.
May 17, 2025
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May 12, 2025
Who You Are vs. How You Feel
“What we want to help the children with is, just because you feel sad or happy or depressed doesn’t mean that is who you are. We want them to know, I am really sad right now but I’m not a sad person."
- Goldie Hawn
Who You Are vs. How You FeelI was struck by how relevant this quote is for partners with ADHD. A diagnosis can provide the ‘aha’ moment but it also provides a label. They get access to a whole new world of tools they can use to manage their ADHD symptoms, yet too often fall prey to believing that how they feel then – perhaps incapable or ‘less than’ – means that they really are…and always will be…those labels.
Yet that is far from the truth. Research suggests that 70-80% of adults can find a treatment that will help them significantly manage their symptoms – allowing them to thrive and showcase whomever they really are…creative or spontaneous or funny or smart or insightful or empathetic or…
They are not “ADHD people.” They are only people who may have been hindered in the past by an overlay of undiagnosed symptoms.
HIGHLIGHT:Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program - Ongoing support for couples dealing with ADHD, from professionals you can trust. Questions? Register for our May 21 Information Session with Melissa and Rachel. Review our i2a on demand information session and Frequently Asked Questions.
Resources For Those in Relationships Impacted by ADHD SEMINARS, GROUPS:NEW: Intent to Action (i2a) Membership Program (Registration Open) - Live expert support, a great community and lots of ADHD management tools, encouragement and accountability to help change your good intentions into new dynamics with your partner.
ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar - Is your relationship in trouble? Melissa and senior consultants help partners improve their lives together in this premier 9-session ZOOM seminar that has changed the lives of many, many couples impacted by ADHD.
The Self-Study Seminar - (Ongoing) Move at your own pace. Includes materials and recordings from the recent '24 live seminar.
Non ADHD Partner Support Group - (Full) Be part of a community of people exploring similar issues; learn from each other's successes and struggles; find new, more effective ways to be your best self in your relationship. Group leaders include Tami Anderson, Amy Borla, Lee Crespi, Lisa Magel and Ashley Paradise. NEW: LGBTQIA+ and Consensual Non-Monogamy group!
Foundations in Habit Development - (Registration Open) - Starts June 4th. This special series is for ADHD partners who have completed The ADHD Effect Couples' Seminar. This two month program helps you solidify the changes you have started to make.
ADHD & Marriage Consulting Group - (Registration Open. Ongoing). Are you interested in doing individual or couples work with someone who is an ADHD expert? This is a group of professionals who understand the issues faced by individuals and couples impacted by ADHD. We STRONGLY recommend you also take the ADHD Effect In-Depth Couples' Seminar
Couples Support Group - (Full) Navigating Parent-Child Dynamics. seven sessions. Participants obtain a deeper understanding of what drives their Parent-Child Dynamic, In this group 5 couples will work with Internal Family Systems (IFS) master facilitator, Jason Weber, to understand what ‘parts’ of themselves are participating in the parent-child dynamics and learn how to compassionately move away from it.
Therapist Training & more - For counselors, therapists, social workers, coaches, and other professionals who currently work with adults and couples impacted by ADHD, or who would like training to help improve their skills in this important therapeutic area.
FREE RESOURCES: Weekly Marriage Tips email newsletters; Free Treatment E-book "How to Optimize Treatment for Adult ADHD"; A community forum with other couples facing similar issues; A large number of blog posts on various topics; Referrals for ADHD-Savvy Therapists; Chore Score Worksheet; Recommended Reading for Couples Impacted by Adult ADHDMelissa Orlov's Blog
- Melissa Orlov's profile
- 17 followers
