Sheila Wray Gregoire's Blog, page 92

10 Things God Showed You About Marriage Last Year

What did God show you about marriage in 2018?

2018 got billed by many as a “bad” year. And maybe, for you, that’s true. Maybe you were desperate to turn the calendar to January so you could see the fresh start. Or maybe 2018 was bliss and you’re concerned 2019 won’t measure up.

Here’s what I know for certain: no matter what season of life we’re in, no matter how hard or easy a period of our life we’re experiencing, God has things to teach us. One of the main ways he teaches us to be more like himself is through our marriages. Think about it – our spouse is the person who we depend upon most. We build a life together. The stakes in that relationship are incredibly high. And, unlike with our parents or our children, we choose who we marry. Living with the consequences of that choice, both positive and negative, is a major means of our sanctification.

Last week I asked readers on Facebook for what God taught them about marriage in 2018 and I got some great responses. I asked my assistant Joanna to pull together ten of the best ones, and I thought you may enjoy them and be encouraged, too! (And you may enjoy some of the rabbit trails I’m leaving for you all here, too!)

1. Remembering my husband is God’s child first

God taught me that my husband is firstly his son, then my husband. God loves him more than me (crazy?!) and will look after him when I can’t.

Love this! In fact, Thought #1 in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage is that Your Husband is Your Neighbour. Sometimes we find it easier to be nicest to strangers. With those we love, we can think of all the reasons they don’t deserve it. But it’s okay to be kind! Here are 25 ways you can start:

25 Ways to Show Your Husband Love
Do you really KNOW your husband? What does it mean to serve him?

2. Learning to communicate with questions

How to ask good questions. For example: instead of asking “what’s wrong” or “are you mad at me?” – I ask “I think we are not on the same page, I noticed this… Do you agree or did we get off somewhere different?”

Great thoughts! In fact, one thing that I’ve found that’s helped us when resolving conflict is to stop thinking of it as a conflict, and start thinking, “what is it that I need from this situation right now? What does my spouse need?” That really turns everything around!

Why I’ve Stopped Resolving Conflict–and Why You Should Too!

3. Adjusting perspective to thrive not just survive

We did a lot of “let’s just get through this”. Which led us into a very unhealthy path of just getting through everything and not seeing the joy… We are still working on it. But recognizing this was huge.

We’ve gone through periods of our marriage where that happened too! I shared it in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, but here’s the short version of why we grew apart for a time.

4. Weathering the storms can make you better

That trials can make your relationships stronger if you let it as you hold each other up.

This is actually true. You know, right after our son died, one of his cardiologists told us, “you should know that 50% of couples who go through this divorce within a year.” That was hardly helpful.

Nevertheless, Keith and were determined not to let that happen, and I think walking through something like that really did help us grow together, rather than apart. Here’s a bit of my story:

Why I’m Okay 20 Years After My Son Died

5. Working together–teamwork makes the dream work

We are ALWAYS on the SAME team.

Amen! One of the reasons that people fight so much is that we forget that we’re on the same team. Marriage should not be a win-lose situation, where one of you gets what you want. It should be win-win, where you both get something good. That’s how you really find peace! And that’s Thought #7 in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage.

6. Prioritizing your relationship as a couple

Fitting in time for just the two of us is critical.

Absolutely! Don’t drift apart. Here are some posts to help:

Like this post so far? You should also check out:

One Thing Most Couples Get Wrong about Date Night

79 Hobbies To do as a Couple

50 Conversation Starters for Couples

10 Ways to Signal Yes to Your Husband

7. Checking in with yourself before conflict arises

To be aware of my inner moods (I.e. is my anxiety level going way up? Is it out of proportion with the situation? Why might that be?) And then to deal with my own emotions first before I give in to the “shortcut” of picking a fight to relieve my inner tension.

I’m so glad someone mentioned this, because I think we forget how often this happens! One day your husband may come in late and it doesn’t bother you at all. The next day you have a conniption. His actions are the same; your reactions are not, because often, when we get ticked off, it’s about something going on with us.

Not ALWAYS. But often. And it’s good practice to ask yourself, “is this something to do with me or with him?” before you get upset.

The 5 Most Common Triggers for Conflict

8. Understanding that selfishness isn’t okay

God has taught me so much this year. He’s taught me that selfishness has no part in a Godly marriage. He’s taught me to take joy in my husband in every situation. Whether stressful or happiness. I’m so proud of the man I married!!

Amen! When we stop looking at everything bad that is happening, and find gratitude, life is a lot better.

I love what John Gottmann said about the two keys to a successful marriage, which fit in great here. I’m afraid that most people won’t see that these apply to them–but please read with an open mind!

The Two Keys to a Successful Marriage

9. Persevering–Just keep swimming!

That it can always get better. Even if you already have a good marriage, it can always be better. And it’s worth fighting daily for.

What are you doing to keep your marriage growing this year? Here are 10 marriage habits. Maybe one of them is just what you need to keep persevering!

10. Remembering the romance

To remember how we were as a dating and newly married couple and to hold on to that!

Before we’re married we often can’t stop touching each other, but so often the passion disappears. Some quick ways to reignite passion:

Marriage Shouldn’t Be BORING!

10 Ways to Tell Your Husband What You Want in Bed

10 Reasons Sex Gets Boring

10 Sexy Questions to Ask Your Husband

10 Ways to Signal Yes to Your Husband

Thanks for sticking around for 2018! I’m excited for what’s going to happen in 2019, including the podcast that launches this Thursday.

Let me know–did God show you anything new about marriage in 2018? Let’s talk in the comments!

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Find Sheila Here:

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?

Check out some of Sheila's Books:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila's Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level?
Sign up for our emails and get access to the TLHV free marriage and parenting resource library. We have over 25 downloads and are constantly adding more. Sign up here!

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on January 08, 2019 04:12

What to Do When Your Spouse Won’t Get Healthy

What do you do when your spouse needs to lose weight–but they just won’t?

On Mondays I like to take a reader question and take a stab at answering it, and today’s is unique because it wasn’t a question exactly but a comment that a reader left on the blog in November that inspired this whole series.

She was talking about how her husband was so heavy that their marriage was missing out on passion and excitement that it could have had, not just because of sex, but also because he was lethargic and tired all the time. And so that’s what I decided to dedicate my Wednesdays series in January to (though I’m obviously talking about it not just on Wednesdays as well!).

What do you do when your spouse needs to lose weight--but they just won't?Click To Tweet

I really got thinking about this in Costa Rica, where I saw this plant (and I talked about this in my original post last Thursday):

Living life to the fullest--what a poinsetta plant should look like

This is what a poinsettia is supposed to look like, when it’s in its proper environment. But here in Canada, we buy these tiny spindly poinsettias around Christmas that lose all their leaves, because they don’t have what they need to thrive.

Many of us are living lives that are much smaller than they need to be because we’re not giving ourselves the resources and environment we need to thrive.

And quite often that’s because of our weight.

Many of us are living lives that are much smaller than they need to be because we're not giving ourselves the resources and environment we need to thrive. And quite often that's because of our weight.Click To Tweet

Here’s part of what my reader said:

Reader Question

As the wife of a morbidly obese man, I mourn when the Bible says things like Proverbs 5:18 “… rejoice in the wife of your youth” (or husband of your youth, in our cases). Or when the Song of Solomon talks about all the wonder physical attributes that the wife/husband enjoys in the other… how taken they are with the other’s physical attributes. It just makes me so sad to know that, by the time he loses the weight if that day ever even comes at all, he/we won’t be young and youthful and attractive like we are/were/could have been in the years wasted. Youth is such a fleeting thing, and such a precious time to spend with your spouse since you’ll always have the (hopefully passionate, romantic) memories you made together during those fun, youthful, passionate, energetic years before children and stress and aging started taking their toll on you both. That’s not to say that sex and marriage as you age isn’t also wonderful cuz I know it is/can be. But there’s something special about when you’re young, so special that even the Bible points to it on multiple occasions. It just makes me feel sad and mournful and gypped that I won’t be experiencing that youthful passion since my husband is so fat and lazy in so many areas of his life, particularly sexually.

I know that this is such a frustrating issue for so many spouses, and I talked about it in today’s Ask Sheila video:

A few thoughts from the video:

You can’t make your husband lose weight

Nagging won’t do it. Reminding them of their goals won’t do it. A person can only change themselves; you can’t do it for them.

You can, however, control what food is in your house.

Cookies, chips, pop, candy, junk food in general–there is no need to ever have any of that in the house. Even if your kids like it, they would be better off to not have it. And if you don’t eat it at home, then when you do go out, it can be more of a treat. And it’s okay to see those things as treats.

You can also make sure that you cook healthy meals (whether you’re the husband or the wife). If your spouse is obese, maybe you should take over the cooking for the family! There’s an awesome deal going on right now with the Healthy Meal Planning Bundle, where you get over $1000 of recipes and meal planning resources for just $37, along with shopping lists, prep lists, and more. It can help you get on the road to healthy without having to do too much research of your own. But the deal ends at midnight tonight!

What if your spouse eats out for breakfast and/or lunch?

You can pack him or her a lunch. And if you know that they’re eating out for breakfast, then you can adjust the calories that go into dinner to compensate.

Think about budgets!

Also, eating out costs a lot of money, especially over the year. If you calculate roughly how much money your spouse spends on eating out, then why don’t you offer this challenge:

If you can spend half of that this year, then we can buy a big ticket item that he wants. Maybe it’s something that you definitely don’t want (like a 4-wheeler, or a new hunting rifle, or something like that), but if it’s a big motivator, why not do it? Just go to a cash budget, leave the debit card at home, and then stick to your budget for eating out.

You can also influence outputs

Start going for a walk after dinner. Take up some active hobby, like cross country skiing. Or even buy your husband a Fitbit! Many men react well to them, because it’s kind of like a competition. Try to get your steps in for the day! And maybe your husband can even pace at work while he’s on the phone (if he has that kind of job) instead of sitting all day.

Those are just some thoughts, but I’ve written about this before:

How to Help a Spouse Lose Weight

10 Tips to Overcoming the Food Wars with Your Spouse

What Happened to Our Sex Life When We Overcame our Food Addiction

Is Your Relationship with Food Hurting Your Marriage?

I hope that helps!

And I just want to reassure you who are dealing with this, this is a legitimate issue. You don’t have to feel guilty for being upset if your spouse is very unhealthy. But at some point you’re going to have to give it to God. Do what you can. Try to keep having fun together. Be a good example. And pray hard.

And do check out the Healthy Meal Planning Bundle! You won’t get a chance after midnight tonight, and it is a great resource.

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on January 07, 2019 05:18

What Happened to Our Sex Life When We Overcame our Food Addiction

Can getting healthy actually help your marriage?

As you may know, this month I am going to be talking about overcoming mental addictions. And with unhealthy eating habits being so common, I think it is so important that we have real conversations about the impact of overeating. Today we have Kiesha Easley, author of Worth the Weight, giving a really encouraging story about how her marriage, sex, and life in general was transformed for the better when she and her husband decided to get serious about changing their relationship with food and lost weight together.

Here’s Kiesha:

Losing weight together: One couple's story about overcoming food addictions and getting healthy, and how that transformed their marriage.

As we lay in bed, snuggled close one night, after a really great moment of intimacy, we both sighed deliciously and simultaneously breathed, “That was different!”

After 25 years of marriage, for the first time in a really long time, it felt as exhilarating as it felt when we were young! We were the same two people who had slept in the same bed together for the last two and a half decades, but something was different: we both had overcome an addiction to food and had lost over 75 pounds as a result.

Quietly, we savored the moment together. Then my husband smile and said, “I didn’t know you could do that anymore…”

Without going into details, I’ll just say that my response was, “I guess with less weight it’s so much easier to move and lift things, now…” LOL! It was incredible how much more flexible we were. We could snuggle more intimately. No one’s arm went numb under the weight! Without our stomachs protruding awkwardly in the way, it was physically easier for us to get emotionally closer, to embrace each other with greater intensity.

The next morning, as I prepared for work, I looked up to find my husband gazing at me in the most loving way. I was almost startled. “You look amazing, I can’t take my eyes off you! Sometimes, I can’t believe I’m looking at my wife,” he said tenderly. We had rejuvenated our connection and it made us feel like teenagers again.

Previously, sex felt like a chore – it literally felt exhausting and I very rarely had any desire.

I have to admit that I was very lethargic when it came down to it and my husband often complained about my lack of involvement. At the time, I didn’t realize my issue was health/weight related. Now that I know more about how the body works, I can recognize that my libido issues stemmed from a lack of proper nutrients. Plus, all of the extra weight literally weighed me down and made it difficult to move my body. After years of dealing with this issue, suddenly things were unexpectedly different!

One woman's story about reigniting her sex life and marriage by dealing with her overeatingClick To Tweet
In addition to a more intimate marriage, we suddenly had more energy to do things together.

We were always so tired, that we rarely went out to do anything fun. We were too busy passing out on the couch in the evenings after work to have any kind of fun together. But this year, for our 25th anniversary, we went on a trip – just the two of us. Each day was filled with so many exciting activities – we were like kids again. We spent time at the pool, rode the bikes, walked and explored for hours, shopped, watched movies and even had sex in the middle of the day!

Now, we spend more time together talking when we’d usually be asleep. We go on more dates because now we actually feel like it. We enjoy buying each other new clothes to dress up to attend weddings, banquets and other events, together. This just wasn’t possible before. I was always so unsure about what size to buy for him. Just when I thought he was wearing a 2X, he really needed something bigger. When he’d try to buy me pajamas (my favorite), they were always a little too snug because he didn’t want to embarrass me by grabbing the larger size.

God has truly redeemed the time for us and turned back the clock. We feel like we have been given a chance to relive our youth, something we thought we gave up when we got married so young.

Before this period of rejuvenation, we spent so many years believing that “feeling old” was just a part of the middle age experience and it was only going to get worse as the years passed.

Exhaustion, along with achy lower backs and painful joints were just a part of life to be accepted.

But after I turned 40, I got fed up with this feeling. I wanted to feel better in my 40s than I had in my 30s. I just couldn’t accept this perspective of decline. Mentally, I still felt so young, I wasn’t ready to just start preparing for “Shady Pines,” the fictional nursing home we joked about.

So, I started my health journey.

I had no expectations for improving our love life – I just wanted to feel better and overcome the chronic fatigue I continually dealt with.

In addition, I desperately wanted to prevent diabetes. Both of my parents have some form of diabetes and I felt that if I didn’t get my health together soon, I would inevitably join them. If I wanted to live a long, high quality life, I knew I was going to have to make some serious lifestyle changes.

I told my husband about the changes I was going to make for myself, but I assured him that I would continue making the same meals for him that he liked. There would be no pressure or guilt from me. We had tried just about everything before: starvation diets, keto, vegetarian, strict vegan, everything… We’d lose some weight and then gain it all back. So it was understood that he would not be joining me on my health journey this time.

After about four or five months into my journey, I had lost about 40 pounds and my husband was taking notice and complimenting my progress. Then, we stumbled across a Youtube video of a woman named Annette Larkins who’s in her early 70s, yet she looks like she’s in her 30s. She was talking about all of the healthy foods she eats straight from her garden and how she stays looking so young. When the camera panned to her grey-haired husband, my husband quickly turned to me and said “From now on, give me what you’re eating. I will not have people thinking you are my daughter!”

He joined me that very day. It happened without any begging or nagging.

Looking back, the powerful change in our lives came because I decided to just work on myself, first.

If I had beat him over the head with it, he would’ve rejected it forever. But, when he saw how disciplined I had become and saw my efforts were actually working, that made all the difference. He saw how creative I had become at swapping out unhealthy ingredients in our favorite foods and turning them into healthy ones. He saw how committed I had become to learning about the science behind it all, and trusted me to show him the way.

Nearly two years later, we are both super grateful that we made the change. We learned that a food addiction was at the root of our decades-long struggle with our health. We both were addicted to sugary foods and frequently used them as entertainment, to reward ourselves for a hard day’s work and even used them to dull the pain when life got hard.

We had dangerously positioned food in our lives to serve purposes it was never designed to serve.

We didn’t realize it at the time, but our food addiction had got in the way of our very intimacy and bond. Instead of turning to each other during difficult times, we turned to food. Instead of communicating our needs to each other, we silently let issues fester and numbed the pain with cookies, cakes and pies because they provided a jolly distraction. Ultimately, we used food to fill voids only God was meant to fill. It turned out to be as much of spiritual journey as a physical one.

Now we can enjoy a simple, healthy meal together. We are so grateful for the lifestyle change and the many unexpected benefits that came along with it.

Have we dangerously positioned food in our lives to serve purposes it was never supposed to serve? What can happen when we change that?Click To Tweet
When I started my journey, I remember just wanting to get healthy. I didn’t know how much it would completely change my life or my marriage.

If I had listened to the doubts that tried to play out in my mind, I would’ve missed out on this wonderful experience of total rejuvenation – and you wouldn’t be reading this now.

Our dramatic transformation caused people in our community to inquire about what we had done. I didn’t realize how impassioned I had become about health until I found myself excitedly talking to people for hours about the different changes we’d made to our lifestyle. This inspired me to write Worth the Weight, to share my story and the strategies I had implemented in our lives.

Suddenly I had a new calling on my life: to help other Christian women get through the spiritual and physical process that is necessary to reclaim their health and lose weight, permanently.

Let me know: Has food been filling a void in your life? How could you see yourself transforming your life over the next month? The next year? What steps have you already taken?

About the Author

Social Media

Books

More from Kiesha

Kiesha Easley, Christian Health Coach. Kiesha is an author, educator, and health coach. She has 3 children and a daughter-in-love. She is a native of Toledo, Ohio, but currently lives in Columbia, SC where she and her husband of 25 years, raise hens, honeybees and a host of fruit trees in their backyard. Every year they plant a garden and grow healthy leafy greens, herbs, and sweet potatoes. They grow and raise everything using only natural methods – no chemicals, pesticides or herbicides.

Find her on Facebook at Kiesha Easley!

Like her book’s Facebook page and stay updated!

You can get Kiesha’s book Worth the Weight here, and you can get FREE SHIPPING by using this coupon code: WWSHIPFREE

For coaching, health seminars, or if you want Kiesha to speak at your event, visit her website here.

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on January 04, 2019 05:07

Is Your Relationship with Food Hurting Your Marriage?

New Year’s Resolutions are upon us! And one of the most common resolutions has to do with health.

That’s probably appropriate, because sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with your health.

Over the last three years, I’ve increasingly been confronted with the fact that I don’t move enough. My back kept going out–specifically my lower back. When my husband and I would go for hikes, I’d find that about 45 minutes in I’d be in incredible pain. And I thought to myself–I don’t want to live like this.

I started going to a massage therapist, and that would help temporarily. But the problem would return, because it stemmed from two things: how I sat during the day, and how I would stand when I did stand. I didn’t have a strong core, and my posture was all wrong.

After vowing for years that I would exercise more, I’ve finally started. I’m not doing high intensity stuff or anything. It’s more just an awful lot of stretching and a lot of core strengthening. And when we were in Costa Rica in December, I was able to hike without too much pain. My neck has stopped hurting. And my headaches have decreased.

I’m in my 40s. I could skate by with terrible posture in my 20s and 30s. But not anymore.

Our bad habits catch up to us.

When You Need to Get Healthy for Your Spouse

Often they do so very slowly–we stop being able to walk as far, and then when we stop exercising as much, our endurance gets even worse. The idea of running out to the park with the kids starts to seem like so much work, so we become homebodies. Maybe your husband teaches your kids to ride bikes, while yours sits, gathering dust, in the basement. Because you just can’t keep up with the kids anymore.

You tell yourself that it’s just that they have more energy because they’re younger. A lot of your friends find all of this tiring, too. You’re not alone.

And so your life just gets more and more sedentary.

Your weight starts to creep up–maybe 5 pounds a year. But over 10 years, that’s 50 pounds. Over 20, it’s 100 pounds. Now moving becomes even harder. And so the downward spiral accelerates.

Each Wednesday in a month I like to talk about a particular marriage subject. And for the new year, I want to ask us this question: Are your daily habits preventing you from living a big life?

I believe that God created us for so much. We were meant to live in relationship with others. We were meant to have a big impact on this earth. In fact, there are specific things that God has planned, just for you individually!

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)

But what if your daily habits are preventing you from living out the plan that He has for you? I’ll be talking later this month about time wasters, video games, and even pornography. But this week, over the next three days, I’d like to talk about our approach to health.

What if God has given you an amazing marriage, but you just aren’t able to enjoy it to the fullest extent because you don’t have the energy to do things together anymore, and sex has even become more difficult because of the excess weight that you’re carrying? This stuff matters.

When I was in Costa Rica last month, I saw this plant:

It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how big it was. Can you tell what it is? (I know my ridiculous face is so distracting, but just look at the flower in the background.)

Yep. It’s a poinsetta plant. That spindly little thing they sell at grocery stores around Christmas, that often loses all of its leaves and looks kind of pathetic by the time December 25 rolls around. THIS, apparently, is what a poinsetta is supposed to look like, in its ideal state.

That’s what I’m talking about. Does your life resemble the spindly poinsetta, or the real poinsetta? Many of us are living very small lives. We’re still blooming, and we’re still pretty, but we’re not thriving the way we were meant to, because we aren’t giving ourselves the right conditions.

It’s very difficult to talk about weight in a healthy way.

I understand that some women have heard body shaming issues their whole lives, and this has triggered eating disorders. I am in no way trying to say that only a certain body type is acceptable, or that a husband has the right to get upset if you’ve gained weight. In fact, I once really went off on a commenter on this blog who said that his wife had “defrauded” him because she had gained 25 pounds since they married. That’s ridiculous. We do gain weight as we age, and especially after we have kids!

It is not my intention to “fat shame”. And I know that many of you are already feeling badly enough about yourselves.

But can I say something a little harsh?

Feeling badly will do no one any good.

And sometimes we excuse ourselves from addressing the issue because we say, “this is making me feel badly about myself, and I’m not supposed to feel badly about myself, so I’m going to stop thinking about it.”

But this is not about what you look like. This is about how we use one of the most precious resources we have–our bodies. It is with our bodies that we hug our children. It is with our bodies that we make love to our husbands. It is our bodies that carry us as we serve others.

I had to start stretching and exercising, every single day, just to stop the pain. I have to train myself to get up and move at least every hour when I’m working, or else I get headaches, largely from the muscles in my neck tensing and then those muscles triggering spasms all around my skull, through my temples, and into my eyes. It’s a huge hassle. But I simply don’t have a choice if I want to enjoy life and be able to have the energy to do what I want to do.

Feeling badly about it won’t do any good at all.

But making a plan will.

How to Think Differently About Getting Healthy

The main thing is this: Change your habits. I’ve been reading a book called Atomic Habits which has changed the way I think about this.

The author opens the book by talking about the British cycling team in the 90s, who were just so terrible the government was thinking of pulling funding. Then they got a new coach, who simply analyzed every tiny thing that went into cycling well, and decided that they would make each and every thing 1% better. And that team ended up becoming the best in the world, and winning the Tour de France.

It often isn’t huge changes that make the biggest difference. It’s taking everything you do and try to improve it by 1% all the time. So you don’t have to change your complete diet and start going to the gym 9 times a week and master yoga. But do something more today than you did yesterday. And do it repeatedly, in the same way, everyday.

I haven’t started a major exercise routine to help with my back. I’m doing small things, bit by bit, everyday. And I’m building up. Once you add small habits, it’s easy to build on them. And I’ve managed to keep going, far more than I have at other times in my life, for two reasons:

I’m starting small, addressing small changes
I know that if I don’t do this, the pain will get worse

I’m being realistic about what I can do. But I’m also being realistic about what will happen if I do nothing.

Many marriage problems are caused by poor health.

When you don’t sleep well, you get irritable and cranky. When you don’t eat a well-balanced diet, you get lethargic and you’re low on energy, and often burdened by headaches. When you carry too much excess weight, you don’t have energy to do the kinds of activities that could help you have fun and build your friendship. When you get out of shape, your libido often drops.

All of these things compound on each other.

Maybe one of the best ways to love your spouse this year, and to treat yourself right, is to decide to make small changes to your health.

Sometimes I think women resist doing this because we can feel righteous, saying things like “I know that beauty is on the inside”, or “I’m not going to give in to our culture’s influence, and I’m going to love myself just as I am!”

No one is saying that beauty is not on the inside, or that you shouldn’t love yourself. But can I just ask you to love yourself enough to do the hard work of getting healthy? God has given you these few decades on this earth, and He wants you to live them to the fullest. If you’re married, God has given you a husband to love, both with your heart and with your body. Can you love God enough, and your husband enough, to treat your body well?

It's wonderful that women love themselves, no matter their weight. But can we also love our families enough to address our health issues? It does matter!Click To Tweet

Yes, it’s inconvenient. It will mean changing the way you cook. It will mean eventually having to meal plan. It will mean having to work up a sweat. You won’t get to do what you naturally want to do, all the time. But life is not supposed to just be about our comfort. Life is supposed to be about our growth, our potential, our giving.

You’re supposed to be that big poinsetta!

I don’t want to tell you HOW to get healthy; all of us have to find our own systems. So find new habits you can do, that you build on everyday. Start small. Do them repeatedly. And see what happens!

One of the best systems we can put in place for our health is to start meal planning. When you know what you’re going to eat, you eat out less. You cook healthier meals. You save a ton of money. Right now the Healthy Meal Planning Bundle is on sale–but only for 5 more days. You get 1,072 recipes over 12 categories, plus lots of ways to use them in meal plans, and it’s only $37.

>> Start a Meal Planning System Today! <<

Let me know: Why is it so hard to talk about our relationship with food? What small changes have you made that really add up? Let’s talk in the comments!

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Find Sheila Here:

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?

Check out some of Sheila's Books:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila's Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level?
Sign up for our emails and get access to the TLHV free marriage and parenting resource library. We have over 25 downloads and are constantly adding more. Sign up here!

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on January 03, 2019 05:31

The ONE Thing That Can Change Your Marriage This Year

Most of us have goals for the new year–or at least things we’d LIKE to change in the year coming up.

Today I’d like to share with you all kinds of different ideas of things that can help your marriage this year. You just get to choose which one you’ll put in practice (and please don’t choose more than one! Just try one big thing, and see what happens. No pressure to do everything.)

I actually wrote the post in a New Year’s past, but I’m feeling a little under the weather today, so rather than write the first post in our series about healthy habits to develop for your marriage this year, I thought I’d point to an important post I’ve written before. Check it out!

>> 10 Marriage Habits to Cultivate this New Year <<

Again, there are 10 listed–but just choose one!

In the meantime, some other fun rabbit trails you can go on today:

Check out these fun round-up posts!

The Best Posts Written in 2018

10 Stock Image Models To Whom I Need to Apologize

Here at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum we use a lot of stock photos.

And that’s for a very specific reason: we get a ton of traffic from Pinterest. In fact, Pinterest is one of the #1 ways people find this website. Facebook is another big one–we need photos for that, too. So we need high quality graphics that are clearly about the post in question.

And since I write about sex a lot, that can get awkward.

So I thought as a quick homage to the past year and to get us ready for the next one, I’d put together this quick list that hopefully makes you laugh while also pointing you to some great posts.

Before we get to the list, I want to explain two things:

1. Yes, I really do need to use stock photos, including photos of couples in bed or that are clearly about sex.

These graphics that we create help bring people to this site–many of whom may not have heard about God’s desire for marriage and sex before. So it really is a ministry in and of itself! I know some readers would prefer I didn’t use photos, but Pinterest is my #2 source of traffic, with around 5,000 a day. Even though Google brings in many more, the Pinterest readers tend to stick around. And I’m very passionate about getting good information about sex and marriage out there, and this is one of the best ways to attract people. And I can’t do it without good pictures!

2. Although I definitely need to say sorry to some of these poor stock photo models, others I really don’t feel so bad about.

For example, I’m pretty sure this guy could have predicted how I would use his stock photo:

Yup. Not many other contexts that photo would work in. But if you’d like to check out the post, you can do so here!

So let’s jump into it!

Here are stock photo models whose pictures were used with awkward captions they likely never could have anticipated.
10. This woman who isn’t physically satisfied

Pretty sure this wasn’t what she was signing up for when she took that picture. But if you’re in a marriage where sex is just “ho hum” when it comes to physical pleasure, check out the post here!

9. This man who was likely told “look sad” by his photographer and now is our blog’s face of health-related erectile dysfunction

Seriously this could have been used for a lot of contexts. And he got ED. We’re sorry, sad guy.

If your husband does experience ED, please check out the article! It outlines some health problems that are related to ED and why ED may actually be a warning sign for something more serious. Check it out.

8. This guy who wants something gross in bed

He probably thought this would be for something like “When communication breaks down in a marriage,” or “How to Resolve Conflict.” And he got… that.

Guy who wants something gross from his wife, we’re sorry.

Now, if your spouse asks for something in the bedroom you’re just not OK with, this post is for you. And I really think it can help!

7. This confusing couple who want to…how shall I say this?…lend themselves a hand

To be completely honest, we’re not sure what this couple thought this photo would be used for, but we’re pretty sure it wasn’t that.

To the angsty back-to-back couple, we’re sorry.

But seriously–how DO you handle masturbation in marriage? If you’ve been wondering the same thing, read the post!

6. This adorable little girl who I seriously hope has never actually seen a sexy photo of her parents

Honestly, though, isn’t that the best photo ever for that post?

To the shocked little girl, I’m so sorry. But your face was just too cute, we had to use the photo!

If you want some guidance on how to handle when your kids see a photo they shouldn’t have seen, read the post for some advice!

5. This woman who is shocked to find out she’s ruined her sex life

This graphic is so far from what she could have realistically expected this photo to be used for. Maybe she was hoping for, “90% off makeup brushes!” or “You wont’ believe the health benefits of this item you likely already have in your pantry!”

Instead she got “You’re the reason your sex life isn’t great.” And we’re sorry, shocked woman with curls.

But if you are in a sexual rut, or you’re dissatisfied with how sex is in your marriage, can I ask that we be honest with ourselves? Sometimes we need to look inward and see if WE are doing something that’s harming our sex lives or our marriages.

4. This guy with the misshapen penis

Chordee is a serious issue, and especially if you’re a mom of a little boy, please read this post! It’s much more common than you’d think!

But to the stock photo model, you have our sincere apologies. I hope that you were able to bring some people the information they were looking for!

Need a laugh? Check out this marriage blog that has to use stock photo models for its images. Here are the 10 models they most need to apologize to: Click To Tweet
3. This man and his dog who were simply out for a hike in nature

And now seem to have achieved new emotional, spiritual, and psychological heights since quitting masturbation.

To the man in nature with the sunset in the background: we’re sorry.

This post is really quite an interesting take on how chronic masturbation can impact a marriage. Check it out!

2. This woman who simply wanted to look like a princess decorated in flowers and ended up on a post about vaginal smells

This is another one of those cases where the photo is just so incredibly far from the content of the post that it adds a whole other layer of comedy.

To the beautiful woman with the flowers: we apologize.

But seriously–if you are curious about vaginal care and what it really SHOULD smell like “down there,” read the post.

1. And the finale, this guy with a sore wrist

This one just takes the cake. His face is perfect. The reader question is amazing when paired with this photo. And the whole thing is just not what he expected.

This guy is the poster child for, “Become a stock photo model they said; it’ll be fun, they said.”

To the guy with the sore wrist: we’re sorry! But you just had such a great expression you gave us no choice.

If foreplay is causing discomfort to you or your spouse, check out the post–there are some great tips there!

So there you have it–those are the top 10 stock photo models I need to apologize to from this past year or two.

We were killing ourselves laughing while finding these photos–my daughter and son-in-law were perusing the archives and had to narrow down the list quite a bit. So there are more out there, that’s for sure!

Did you see any others you thought were funny? Let me know which ones they were and we’ll have a laugh together!

Thanks for such a great year on the blog–and I’ll see you in 2019!

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Find Sheila Here:

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?

Check out some of Sheila's Books:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila's Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level?
Sign up for our emails and get access to the TLHV free marriage and parenting resource library. We have over 25 downloads and are constantly adding more. Sign up here!

Marriage isn't supposed to be blah!

Sex is supposed to be stupendous--physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. If it's not, get The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex--and find out what you've been missing.

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 31, 2018 05:12

This Year’s Hottest Posts

Here they are–the top 10 posts that I wrote last year!

Yesterday I told you about the top 10 posts that were on the blog as a whole, and today I want to look at the top 10 ones that were actually from 2018.

I hope that you’re enjoying your Christmas/New Year’s break (or I hope you did enjoy it if you’re back at work already). We’re having fun as a family, and so for the last few posts of the year I thought I’d fill you in on what was really popular on the blog, in case you missed it. So here you go!

#10

10 Reasons Why Your Wife Doesn’t Want to Have Sex

I have a lot of guys who read the blog, and I get tons of emails from guys, and the most common problem I hear about is, “my wife never wants sex!” So in this post I present 10 of the most common reasons I’ve come across why a woman may say “no”.

#9

Personality Types in Marriage: Are You an Introvert or Extrovert?

My Wednesday series in August was all about the MBTI and marriage. One of the days I focused specifically on extroversion and introversion. What are the differences between introverts and extroverts? How can you tell which one you or your spouse are. How can knowing this help you in your marriage? I’ve got answers to all that and more right here!

#8

How Long Should Sex Last? Definitely More Than Two Minutes!

I see comments from so many people who were never taught this, so I want to say it loud and clear for you. Sex should last longer than 2 minutes! I hear from so many women who can’t figure out why they don’t like sex, but when I ask questions, it turns out that it’s all over super quickly. No wonder! Let’s talk about what you can gain from spending longer between the sheets, and how to delay the big finish. (And remember–women’s sexual pleasure matters, too!)

#7

When Your Husband Says He Wants More Variety in Bed

What do you do when your husband says he wants more sexual variety? Here is a guide to help you figure out how to handle this situation, and give you some healthy ideas for switching things up!

#6

The Most Amazing App to Rev Up Your Sex Life!

Over the years I’ve thought about creating an app to help couples with their sex lives, because so many websites or other products are kind of, well, gross. But now I don’t have to, because The Ultimate Intimacy App is totally the product I would have created–if I had made one.

#5

When Your Husband Isn’t Interested in Sex Anymore

What do you do when it is the husband who has a lower sex drive? It’s a lot more common than most of us would expect. Let’s address some reader questions from wives struggling with low-libido husbands!

#4

Finally Reaching Orgasm Part 2

What’s the next step if you’ve learned everything you can about how to have great sex, but your body isn’t getting with the program? Let’s talk about some of the practical things you can do that can really help! This year a reader sent me a wonderful two part series on how she finally had the big breakthrough after 26 years of marriage. Here’s part 1, and here’s part 2.

#3

I Didn’t Really Care if My Sons-in-Law Were Debt-Free, Tattoo-Free Virgins

This year Lori Alexander’s article “Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins without Tattoos” went viral. A lot of people did a great job of speaking out against her post (including my daughter), and I wanted to add to the conversation by taking a critical look at how Lori approaches virginity.

#2

Is He Your Type? MBTI, Personality Types, and Marriage!

I find personality differences fascinating! So let’s look at four personality scales in detail to help us understand our spouses, the types of conflict that are likely to come up, and how to overcome them! This one was the first in that MBTI and marriage series.

#1

Do We Understand What Rejection Does to Husbands?

I’m a big proponent of great sex in marriage! I believe that God created us to be intimate physically, spiritually, and emotionally, and they’re all supposed to feed together. But in many marriages the wife has a lower libido than the husband, which can lead to the husband being rejected. In this post, a husband speaks about the impact that rejection has on a man, and on the marriage.

So there they were–the top 10 posts of the year!

Now, there were a few others that I was super proud of, and that were perhaps some of my favourites, that didn’t actually make the list. As I glanced through the titles of the posts this morning, these are the ones that stood out to me:

Why Older Women Often Long for More Adventure in Bed (here’s what happens if we ignore our needs for most of our lives. And it’s not pretty).

Our Submission Series: What Does It Mean to Obey Like Sarah? (Here’s the first in our Wednesdays series on submission. I really liked writing this series, and it got tons of comments, too!).

Is Your Husband a Lone Wildebeest? (I wrote this after we returned from our medical missions trip to Kenya. I had a lot of fun with it!).

Can We Have an Honest Talk about Vibrators? (I get asked about this a lot. Here’s what I’d say).

Do You Have a Legalistic View of Marriage? (I talked about legalism in marriage, in churches, and in parenting in this series. This is really important to understand!)

The Ups and Downs of Marriage: A Timeline (I published a post before this that I’m ALSO proud of about the pattern for marriage, in which I mentioned, in a throwaway line, that all marriages have ups and downs. Someone asked me for a timeline, so I wrote this one about our marriage. It was actually very beneficial to think about. I hope you enjoy it!)

And finally, the post that has been on my mind the most this year is this one:

No More Covering Up for Abusers: A Plea for Churches. With all the scandals in churches this year about sexual abuse, I felt compelled to write, and I did a few times. Here’s the one where I was the most vehement.

Thank you so much for reading To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and being with me this year! You have no idea how much it means to me that people read what I write, and leave comments (I love those!), and interact with me on social media. It’s hard sometimes writing and wondering if anyone will actually read this, so I’m always so excited when the first comment comes in every morning.

Of course, the best way to make sure you don’t miss anything in 2019 is to sign up for my emails. You can either get each post delivered to your inbox, or you can get a weekly Friday email with all the posts, as well as some behind the scenes scoops, or a monthly synopsis of the best ones. It’s your choice. But I’d love to have you there, too.

I’ll be back on Monday with a super funny Top 10. Have a great weekend!

And in the meantime, let me know: Did you have a favourite post this year? Tell me in the comments (it would be a great encouragement!)

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Find Sheila Here:

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?

Check out some of Sheila's Books:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila's Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level?
Sign up for our emails and get access to the TLHV free marriage and parenting resource library. We have over 25 downloads and are constantly adding more. Sign up here!

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 28, 2018 05:51

Just Imagine: How Can Life Change This Christmas?

Are visions of sugarplums dancing in your head yet?

We are in the midst of that season of imagination, of wonderment, of desperately hoping a good gift idea for your mother-in-law magically pops into your head.

And so, in honour of the season, and the last post before Christmas, let’s take a stroll into imaginary lands.

Imagine a world in which there’s no fruitcake masquerading as Christmas presents.

Imagine that instead of passing the fruitcake around, we could all use it as doorstops, as it was intended.

Imagine a world where the Christmas lights put themselves up, and you don’t have to watch your husband dangling precariously from a ladder, eighteen feet higher than he should be, without feeling guilty that perhaps you should hold the ladder or something.

Imagine a Christmas with a white blanket of gorgeous snow, rather than brown slush. And imagine that gorgeous blanket of snow is weightless and distributes itself evenly in piles on either sides of the driveway, where it belongs.

Imagine a world where women craved blenders, vacuum cleaners, and bathroom scales, and men actually appreciated ties and button down shirts. Think of the grief we could avoid if we stopped ascribing nefarious motives to the gift-challenged in our families, and truly believed “it’s the thought that counts”.

Imagine teenagers all over the country shutting off their phones and video games and rushing to church to sing carols and light candles, or to soup kitchens to volunteer. Imagine their younger siblings looking upon Christmas as a wonderful opportunity to sleep in and then make their parents breakfast in bed, before ripping open the presents.

Okay, that last one’s a bit of a stretch.

But that can’t stop me from dreaming. So imagine that instead of spending $28 billion on Christmas gifts we all pitched in the $10 billion it would cost to give the world clean water. (Want to make a real difference as a family this year? Build a well!).

Imagine that everyone invited a lonely neighbour to celebrate Christmas with us. Imagine just a few days where we can take solace from the world where politics are the main topic of conversation, where rushing is the norm, and where cynicism reigns. Imagine instead a day when we can rejoice in Grandma’s potatoes, laugh at Uncle’s antics, and shed a few bittersweet tears over those who are not huddled around the table this year.

Imagine a world where we sang meaningful songs about a Saviour, while holding candles around a church, young and old together–instead of just about a reindeer or a snowman.

Imagine that we could bottle up our gratitude and support and awe of our troops away from home this season, and send it to them Xpresspost with a big bow (and a heap of turkey with gravy).

Imagine we didn’t just remember a baby born 2000 years ago on one particular day, but instead let that memory live in us, every day of the year. Imagine we tried to live as He demonstrated.

Imagine a world of gratitude, love, hugs, and harmony.

At most times of the year it seems so far-fetched. But perhaps, this season, we can pass from the realm of imagination to the realm of real life. For most of us, at Christmas, time stands still. Televisions are silenced, phones don’t buzz, the internet is quieted, and we huddle with those we love.

It’s not the rest of the year that’s real; Christmas is the real time, when we’re with those closest to us and we’re able to do the things that mean most.

Imagine that we took the time this year to live out our values, forgive those from whom we’re estranged, or picked up a phone and called someone.

Just imagine.

Merry Christmas, everyone!

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.

Find Sheila Here:

Facebook
Twitter
Instagram
YouTube
Pinterest

Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:

10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?

Check out some of Sheila's Books:

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum

Check out Sheila's Courses:

The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course

Are you ready to take your marriage to the next level?
Sign up for our emails and get access to the TLHV free marriage and parenting resource library. We have over 25 downloads and are constantly adding more. Sign up here!

View more on Sheila Wray Gregoire's website »

Like • 0 comments • flag

Published on December 21, 2018 06:17

Creating Christmas Memories

Never place the Santa booth next to the fountain at the mall.

The one and only time I ever took a child to see Santa was in the Eaton Centre in downtown Toronto when Rebecca was almost two. The line stretched further than the twelve reindeer pulling the sled, and as I talked with a fellow mom, my child decided to explore the pretty water beside us. Leaning over she splashed vigorously, soaking herself from head to toe (and me from toe to knee). I carried my wailing tot—who was far more interested in frolicking in the fountain than in chatting with the Red Guy—out of the line, and found a cheap sweatshirt to wrap her in until we could get home and change clothes. And we never returned to the Jolly Old Elf again.

I’m just not very good at these typical rituals of childhood. This week my girls and I were at another mall, watching the frightened children being enticed to sit on a stranger’s knee. Such a scenario never struck me as a very good idea. The terrified tots cry into the camera, while a tired woman dressed as an elf waves a stuffed animal at them, as if a shaking moose will help them forget the fact that they are sitting on a strange man’s lap while Mommy crouches out of reach.

My mother-in-law has the classic photo of my husband as a baby crying on Santa’s lap.

Amazingly, one friend of mine actually has a picture that is too cute for words, with her gurgling baby wearing nothing but a diaper and a Santa hat, laughing at the Big Guy. But such a thing is a rarity. So we as a family brushed off the Santa experience.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t much more successful with the tooth fairy, because my husband and I both seemed cursed with a lack of short-term memory. The children announce loudly the passage of the tooth, proclaim loudly where said tooth is hidden, and then go to bed. And in the twenty minutes it takes for them to drift off, the whole episode leaves our minds. Our girls grew up assuming the tooth fairy needed at least a week’s lag time, but as they grew older they became suspicious. They considered leaving the tooth on top of our pillows, rather than below their own, in the hope that it might induce the fairy to pony up a little more quickly. It didn’t work.

Christmas baking is another tradition at which I have failed miserably.

We did make cookies for several years, but all of them were consumed far before the blessed day.

One year I decided the problem was that I was baking edible things, so instead we created dough ornaments to decorate the tree! The girls and I mixed flour and water and salt together, shaped them and baked them, and dutifully hung them. That was the year Katie was two, and she had stopped eating, as many toddlers do. But I would awake to find my little girl munching on the dough snowmen adorning the lower branches. Even my non-edibles were eaten.

For many years I felt like a failure.

After all, we have to provide the family with the perfect Christmas memories, the perfect rites of passage, and the best presents, don’t we? And so we make these big Christmas plans for all the baking and carolling and crafting we are going to do this year.

None of these things is bad in and of itself. But instead of thinking of all the things I should do, I’m going to just plan on one overarching thing: I want the girls and their husbands to have a memorable and meaningful Christmas when they come home this year, and I don’t care how that’s done. I hope we’ll bake. I know we’re all knitting presents and doing crafts. And I hope we’ll all go carolling as a family, since both my sons-in-law can sing, too! But if we don’t, I won’t feel like a failure. I’ll just realize that’s who I am. Whatever we do, or don’t do, at least we’ll be together, experiencing the season and talking about what it really means. And that is how lasting memories are made.

It's about relationships, not the picture perfect holidayClick To Tweet

What about you? Do you ever feel like a failure around Christmas? How can we get over that? Let’s talk in the comments!

Like this post? You should also check out:

10 Ways to Laugh with Extended Family this Christmas

Christmas Letter to an Adult Child

Author

Social Media

Sheila's Best Posts

Books

Courses

Freebie

Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.