Sheila Wray Gregoire's Blog, page 159

Reader Question: Should I Tell My Husband I Fantasize/Fake It?

If you’re faking orgasm or fantasizing while you make love, should you confess to your husband?

Wow. That’s a tough one! Every Monday I like to take a reader question and answer it, and this is one I’ve had a few people ask. One woman gets right to the point:

Should I tell my husband if I fantasize about other guys alone and while with him sometimes? Or will I just hurt him?

Another woman says:

Sex has never felt that great for me, and my husband used to get really upset about that and wonder what was wrong with me. So I started faking orgasm. And I’m tired of faking, but I don’t want to deal with all the fights if I tell him what’s been happening. What should I do?

I thought I’d try to tackle both of these on the same day since they both have to do with honesty about sex. I’m going to ask my husband to chime in on one of these, too! So let’s get started.

Should You Tell Him If You Fantasize About Other Guys?

I asked Keith this one, and asked if he could write this section of the blog for me. He said there was no point, because it would be only one word.

“NO.”

We were speaking at a marriage conference when we were discussing this, and one of the other guys on staff wasn’t sure that one word was sufficient. He said he would need three.

“Are you stupid?”

Perhaps that’s harsh, but I did survey the guys speaking about marriage and they all said the same thing: not on your life.

Now, that doesn’t mean that you’re off the hook. It’s just that sometimes disclosure would do so much harm to the relationship without bringing about any measurable good. What you need is real intimacy, where you’re able to focus on him. But you can get that in your sex life without having to tell him that you’re sexually fantasizing about someone else. More on that in a bit.

For now, I’d suggest reading the post on why honesty in marriage isn’t always the best policy. Then, if it’s specific guys you’re fantasizing about, use the steps in that article to get some accountability with some friends and to start praying (you absolutely do have to do that!). If it’s “other guys” in general, rather than some specific “other guys”, then read below for the steps on how to stop dissociating and start concentrating on what’s happening with your husband.

Should You Tell Him if You Fake Orgasm?

This one’s a little less straightforward, and for this one, I’m afraid, there is no option except to tell him. 

If you want a truly intimate sex life, then you’re going to have to learn to experience pleasure, and you can’t learn that if you’ve been faking. Faking may “work” for a while: maybe the kids are little and you’re exhausted and you just want to get it over with and you want him to feel close to you, and this seems to accomplish that. But one day you won’t be so exhausted. One day you’re going to want sex to be for you, too. And the longer you make sex just for him, the more resentful you’re going to feel. You’ll start feeling like he’s absolutely oblivious and likely a little dumb. He thinks everything’s great, but you know it’s not. How can he be that clueless? 

Yet from his perspective, how could he think any differently?

And the longer you go on like that, the bigger your dilemma gets. Do you tell him that you haven’t felt that great for 10 years? For 15?

Please, faking orgasm is SUCH a bad habit to get started. I know why we start it–we feel pressure to have an orgasm, because he often feels so disappointed and like a failure if we don’t. And then sometimes that disappointment on his part sounds like anger–“what’s wrong with you”? And we figure that if he thinks that we reach the big O, then he’ll feel so happy and he’ll be more affectionate and life will be great again.

And it actually seems to work.

But do that long enough and you’ll build up so much resentment, because you’ll feel like an object, you’ll feel like he doesn’t really know you (because he doesn’t), and you’ll feel like you sacrifice all the time and he doesn’t even see it–and it’s not sustainable.

What you need is to experience real pleasure.

But you can’t do that until he first knows that you’re not experiencing it now, or else he won’t be able to help you. And you need his help.

How Can You Have that Conversation if You’ve Been Faking Orgasm?

Carefully. Don’t have it on a whim, or in the middle of another fight where you’re angry at him for being insensitive about something else.

Explain that you truly love him, and that you truly want to be intimate together.

But say that you made a mistake. You thought this would make him happy, but you didn’t realize how dishonest it was and how it would end up driving a wedge between you, and that’s not what you want. What you want is a really intimate and fun sex life, and you really need his help to get there.

You may need to give him some time now to grieve or to get over the deception. Take care not to get angry. I know it’s natural–“why are you so angry? I’m the one who’s been giving with sex for the last few  years without getting anything out of it!” Let him have his feelings, because you were deceptive, even if it was for what seems like a selfless reason.

Now, You Need a Sexual Reset

Now it’s time to start over, and to start learning how to experience pleasure without dissociating–without fantasizing, or faking, or going somewhere else in your head. Let’s face it: when you fake it, you can also be writing a grocery list in your head or going over your to-do list or thinking of a thousand other things. You’re not really there. And when you’re fantasizing, you’re a million miles away in your head, too.

We need to bring our heads back in the game, because we’ll never be able to experience real pleasure if we’re not fully present, in the moment.

Here’s the thing about a woman’s sex drive: if you’re lying there thinking of a thousand different things, figuring that once he hits exactly the right spot or does exactly the right thing it will bring you back to the moment and cause you to stop thinking of all of those things, you’re setting yourself up for lousy sex. Sex only feels good when we deliberately concentrate on our bodies, because our sex drives are almost entirely in our heads. When we think of everything but what’s happening, then what’s happening can’t feel good, even if he’s the best lover in the world. You need to train your brain to stay in the game.

Ladies: for sex to feel good you need to train your brain to stay in the game! #marriagetip
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 A sexual reset means focusing on pleasure. Here are a few ways to do that:

Ask yourself “what feels good right now?” It forces your brain to think about your body and you may realize that something’s feeling good.
You be the more aggressive one–climb on top, or manipulate your positions so that it’s feeling the best for you.
Take some time and just let him touch you, without you moving, say for 15 minutes. Learn what feels good.
Play teacher and order him around, showing him what you need him to do (most guys really like this game!)

I’d also really recommend my book 31 Days to Great Sex. It’s 31 days of challenges that you do as a couple. You read 2-4 pages a night and then you do what it says. And many of those challenges will teach you how to finally talk honestly about sex; how to discover what feels good; how to bring the tension level down in your marriage by flirting more and being more affectionate; how to try different things; how to forgive each other and feel spiritually like you’re one; and so many more! And there’s a big focus on putting the past behind you and moving forward, and you likely need that right now.

Get the book here. (the ebook version is only $4.99; I’ve kept the price low to help as many couples as possible!)

What if you’ve just been fantasizing, and you haven’t confessed that? How do you ask him to do all these things now?

Try this:

Honey, I feel like I’ve been missing out on all that sex is, and I’d like to start a big research project where we really figure out how my body works and how we work together. I love you and I’ve had fun, but I want so much more for us. What do you say?

You can also tell him something like, “sometimes my mind wanders to sexy things I’ve seen on TV or in movies” (if that’s what you mean by ‘other guys’ rather than a specific guy), “and I want to stay totally focused on you. Can you help me?”

A Sexual Reset is Possible

It needs more honesty. It means a commitment from you to prioritize sex in your marriage; to think of sex positively; to make love more frequently (since libido is a use it or lose it thing for women). It means being giving to your husband and also giving him time to grieve. But you can get there. And if you keep emphasizing that your goal is to be totally intimate with him and have so much fun, then hopefully he’ll get on board and want to explore with you!

Now let’s talk in the comments: What’s the most detrimental thing a woman can do to her sex life? How do you get over this?

 

The post Reader Question: Should I Tell My Husband I Fantasize/Fake It? appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Why Keith and I Don’t Drive Well Together–And That’s Okay

Our marriage still has little areas that are far from perfect.

I think every marriage does, and I’ve begun to wonder if the aim isn’t perfection but instead grace in our areas of tension? Every Friday I like to write a 400-word inspirational piece with one thought about marriage, and today I thought I’d share some of the difficulties Keith and I have driving together. It’s been a bit of a heavy week on the blog, and I thought I’d try something a little lighter! See if you can relate to this:

Sheila’s Marriage Moment: When Your Marriage Has Little Areas of Big Imperfections

Once, early in our marriage, before the days of GPS or mapquest (some of you may not remember that), Keith and I drove through Montreal (fellow Canadians will know how scary that is). He was at the wheel; I had the map. But Keith likes to know exactly where he’s going. And I’m not the best at map reading. I always turn the thing upside down or say “left” when I mean “right”.

Keith swears that when he was tense and asked me where we should go, that I replied (while looking at the map), “we should go up on the blue road.” I don’t remember that. I do remember telling him, in a tentative voice, “I think we turn right here.” He testily replied, “Do you think or do you know?” I replied, “I think I know.”

Over the years technology has greatly improved our driving experience, but we still have tension. You know how sometimes when you have your GPS, the voice says, “In 400 meters turn right”? (Okay, maybe yours says yards or something silly like that, but mine says meters). And you think the GPS means right at THIS VERY INTERSECTION, but it actually meant the next intersection? So you have to turn around a bit and get on the right road?

Well, Keith gets testy if I tell us to turn early. His solution is to look at the GPS himself and never listen to me. He keeps the GPS facing him, and I just shut up.

Here we are in South Carolina on our final trek of the year, heading home. I hit “Home”–and then handed the GPS back to him!

The funny thing is that while driving around with my assistant and friend Tammy, who often comes on my road trips with me, I hold the GPS, I tell her where to go, and it works out perfectly fine. It’s not stressful at all.

Here Tammy and I are on one of our RV trips trying to figure out how to drain the sewage tank for the first time. :)

So Keith and I don’t drive well together. And we likely never will. And you know what? It’s perfectly okay. I’m just happy Keith’s driving the RV and I don’t have to! And if we have this one area of tension for the rest of our marriage, what does it really matter?

I think sometimes we believe that God is disappointed in us if there is even one area that isn’t perfect in our relationship. I don’t think that’s true. Most couples have an area that isn’t perfect. But if you learn to accept each other in that area, and not let the tension slip over into other areas, then is it really such a big deal?

I’ve stopped aiming for perfect and now I’m just aiming to love my husband. Even if he does hold the GPS.

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

It’s been a week with some heavy posts! I was overwhelmed with the response to yesterday’s post, and I’m glad it struck a nerve for so many of you. But, as always, the top posts tend to be about sex. That’s what people come here for!

A Letter to the Woman with a Controlling Husband

Are you married to a controlling husband?

I wrote a big post recently about how too often our Christian culture promotes a version of church and marriage that –and that this inevitably leads to abuse. Not that EVERY woman will be abused, but when we set up structures where one person has all the power, then people who want to control and abuse others will gravitate there.

Since then I have been inundated with emails about that subject, and several have been from women whose sisters/friends/cousins are married to controlling husbands. They want to help, but the wives refuse to see it.

I want to write today to that woman who is in an unhealthy marriage.

So let me address you personally.

Maybe you’re here because someone sent you to this blog. You’re probably nervous and suspicious, and I understand. But that special someone cares desperately about you, and desperately about God, and wants to see God’s love in your life. She isn’t seeing that right now.

So let’s start with some first principles.

A letter to a woman married to a controlling husband: God wants better for you.
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God did not intend that anyone should control any other person. In fact, Jesus said just the opposite.

In Mark 10:42-45, Jesus said:

Jesus called them together and said, “You know that those who are regarded as rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” (NIV)

People are not supposed to exercise authority harshly over one another or force other people to do their will. That is totally outside of the kingdom of God. And in Ephesians 5:21, before Paul starts writing specifically to the husband and wife, he begins his treatise on marriage like this:

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The Christian life is about serving each other. It is NOT about controlling any other person or demanding obedience. In fact, if anyone does that, then they are acting in an unChristian manner. They are not reflecting God; they are reflecting the enemy.

Therefore, your husband should not control you, and he is acting unbiblically if he does.

What does it mean for someone to control you? It means they act in such a way to exert extreme pressure or force to make you act according to their will.

These are all examples of control:

He tells you who you can and cannot talk to, text, or message. He tries to stop you from seeing close friends and family.
He hits you or physically exerts force in any way.
He limits your access to money, keeping all the bank cards in his name and requiring you to ask him for cash.
He demands an accounting of how you spend your time, what you thought about, or who you talked to.
He yells repeatedly, and demands that you sit and listen to his tirades.
He sexually abuses you, or pressures you to do things sexually that you are extremely uncomfortable with or think are sinful.
He verbally berates you, saying things like, “you would never survive in this world without me”, or “you’re too stupid to ever figure out real life.”
He makes big decisions about jobs, schooling, housing, etc. without consulting you.
He uses Scripture to tell you why you are wrong to question him or disagree with him in any way. He tells you that to disagree with him is to go against God’s will.
He refuses to let you drive or have access to a vehicle.

If your husband is doing things on this list, then your husband is not serving you as Christ did.

But shouldn’t you submit to him anyway?

After all, if he’s not having an affair, then technically the marriage is still valid, right? And doesn’t that mean that you have to submit to him?

Let’s take a step back here. What is God’s ultimate aim–that you do God’s will, or that you do your husband’s will? It’s that you do God’s will, right? And yet many people assume that the two are one and the same thing.

But is that biblical? Absolutely not. In Acts 5, we read the story of Ananias and Sapphira, early Christians who wanted to curry favour with the apostles. So they sold some property, and then came and gave the money to the apostles. But they only gave a portion of the money, yet told the apostles it was the whole thing. Ananias came in first, told the false story, and God struck him dead. When Sapphira came in, she repeated the story that she and Ananias had agreed to, and Peter reprimanded her harshly, saying that she should not have gone along with Ananias.

She should have done the right thing, regardless of what her husband did.

And because she went along with Ananias, she was struck dead

You are responsible for doing God’s will, not your husband’s will.

I have more about this question about abuse and marriage here.

Too many people think that doing God's will and doing a husband's will are one and the same.
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But aren’t I supposed to obey my husband?

No, you’re not. You are not a child. In fact, you were made as a “suitable helper” for your husband, which doesn’t mean that you’re inferior at all. It’s closer to the meaning of being a “necessary ally”. God wants to use you in this relationship to help your husband!

Listen to me here: You are not helping your husband if you let him control you. You are hurting him.

You are not helping your husband if you put up with controlling behavior. You're hurting him.
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I want you to really grasp this. If your husband is sinning by trying to control you or your children (and that is a sin), then to allow him to continue in this is not to follow God’s will. It is to go against God’s will.

Let’s look at another relationship to see what I mean.

Let’s say that you had a sister who was a drug addict. She had already had two children taken away from her by children’s services. She’s pregnant again by who-knows-who? She comes to you one night, high as a kite, and asks to borrow $500. What do you do?

You say no, because it is not loving her to fuel the addiction.

God’s will is not that  you be nice to everyone or that you do what everyone wants you to do so as not to rock the boat. God’s will is that everyone look more and more like Jesus (Romans 8:29). That means that the way you act should point people to Jesus, not away from Jesus.

If your husband is yelling at you and demanding that you give an account of your day, or demanding that you not see your family who loves you, and you agree, then you are encouraging your husband to act less and less like Jesus everyday.

Let that sink in for a moment.

If you allow your husband to keep treating you this way, then you are helping him move away from God. You aren’t doing God’s will; instead, the enemy is using you by confusing you and making you feel hopeless and helpless. This is not what God wants for you.

You are hurting your children if you allow your husband to control you and to control them. And you ARE responsible for your children.

In 1 Samuel 25 we read about a controlling husband–a man who yelled at everyone and made life difficult for everyone. Nabal (that was the guy’s name) offended David, and David and his warriors were about to come and wipe out the man and his servants and family.

Then Nabal’s wife Abigail, without Nabal’s knowledge, intervened. She intercepted David before he could do anything, made amends for her husband’s bad behaviour, and smoothed everything over. She did it to save her servants and her extended family.

She succeeded, and David was so impressed with her that after God struck Nabal dead, he asked for her hand in marriage.

So what did Abigail do? She disobeyed her husband. She did something without his knowledge and behind his back, because she knew that her servants were counting on her. If she did not intervene, they would be harmed. And God greatly blessed and rewarded her for it.

My dear sister, do you understand the implications of that? God cares about the little people who are under your care, too. If you have children, and you are allowing your husband to control them, berate them, or even just to watch him control, beat, or berate you (because studies show that a child witnessing a mother being hurt like that is as bad as being hurt themselves), then you are hurting your children. And God wants you to stand up for them, even if that means standing up to your husband.

So if you’ve decided your husband is controlling, what should you do now?

If you came to this blog because someone sent you, reach out to that person. They want to help you. They likely already have a plan of how to do that. Please, just talk to them, even if your husband doesn’t approve. God did not give him the right to restrict who you can talk to, and you do not have to listen to a command like that (just like Sapphira did not have to listen to a command to lie to the apostles).

If you just read this blog post on your own, then I’m going to suggest several things.

1. First, if you or your children are in imminent danger, seek help now.

Call the police. Talk to a women’s shelter. Make a plan of how you can get out quickly.

If you aren’t in imminent danger, then:

2. Read more about what God wants from a Christian marriage.

Here are some good books on the subject:

9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage (by me)
The Emotionally Destructive Marriage
How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong

I also have a variety of articles on submission. You can find them at my Marriage FAQ page (just scroll down until you find that topic).

3. Find Your Voice

It’s very likely that by living in a controlling relationship you’ve lost your “voice”. You’ve lost the ability to speak up, or even to figure out what you want, because the only thing that you’ve been thinking for years is “what does he want”? Find a counselor to talk to where you can practice saying out loud what you want in life. Find a mentor with whom you can practice saying out loud what it means to be redeemed in Christ, and what it means that you are precious and bought with a price. Seek out people who are healthy to talk to.

And read the Bible for yourself! Don’t only read the passages he tells you to read; read the gospels. You’ll see a gentle Jesus who loves, and a firm Jesus who stands up to injustice and to bullies.

4. Refuse the “Dance”

You can refuse to participate in his attempts to control you.

If he demands that you tell him what you did today, then you can tell him, “I don’t feel comfortable telling you these details if you don’t also share details with me.” If he demands to see your phone, say, “I’d be happy to share phones, but I’d like to see yours as well. It doesn’t seem as if this is a real partnership if you don’t trust me but I’m forced to trust you.” If he yells at you, then you can say, “I can see that you’re upset, and I’d be happy to talk to you about this, but I won’t talk while you’re yelling. I’m going to go in another room until you calm down.” And then leave the room.

In other words, don’t go along with what he says. Go and learn how to drive. March down to the bank and get access to the accounts, or start one of your own. Say no if he pressures you for something you’re not comfortable with in bed.

Note: if this behaviour is likely to trigger physical violence, then get out now, before the violence starts.

Please Listen to Me: God does not want you treated like this.

If you are married to a controlling husband, God is grieved. He does not want  you treated like this. And He does not want your husband–God’s son–acting in this horrible way. By you standing up to your husband, or simply removing yourself from the situation (if that’s the only thing that’s safe), you allow you and your children a chance to heal and experience God’s love. But you may also give your husband the push he needs to work on his own issues.

You are precious in God’s eyes. Do not let anyone, even your husband–and especially your husband–ever make you doubt that.

The post A Letter to the Woman with a Controlling Husband appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

To All Singles Who Are Worried About Getting Married

Will I get married? Please, God, promise me I’ll get married!

Do you remember praying those prayers? I certainly do! And today I want to talk to the women who are still in the midst of that wondering–wondering if they’ll find a husband, wondering if they’ll get married, worrying that marriage will pass them by.

May 25, 1991. Tears were streaming down my face as I handed the ring back to Keith. He had proposed eight months earlier, and everything was set for our wedding in August. But his doubts wouldn’t go away.

“Are you telling me you actually don’t want to go through with it?” I had asked. He hadn’t said anything. And suddenly it dawned on me. He wasn’t just wondering how to fix our relationship. He wanted to end it.

I yelled at God a lot that summer. “Don’t you want me to be happy, God?” “Why would you do this to me?” And, when I was a little calmer, the real fear came out. “Will I get married? Ever?”

I wanted to be married. I was desperate to be married. I just wanted to be loved by someone who wouldn’t leave. And as I struggled through that desire over those tough weeks, God asked me an important question.

Am I enough, Sheila? If he never comes back, am I enough for you?

I didn’t like that question. Was God enough? Certainly I loved God, but I really wanted to be married. And one day, on the floor of my living room, I was weeping as I finally surrendered. “Okay, God. Even if I’m alone for the rest of my life, you will be enough for me. Because no one else can love me perfectly, and I’ve been looking for someone else to fill the whole in my heart, and only you can do that.”

That was an important moment to go through. That breakup still affected me, but it did send me into the arms of Jesus, and it did make me realize that my life could not be based on my husband.

I’m thankful, of course, that that guy did come back and we did get married–just a few months after we were supposed to. But it was one of the toughest summers of my life, as I had to struggle with that question–if I never get married, am I going to be all right?

So many of us put our hopes in marriage rather than in Jesus. We think a man will solve our longings for love and purpose and belonging. Recently a young woman sent me her story, and it’s an important one, so I’m going to share it here. She’d like to remain anonymous, but here’s what she wrote about growing up always assuming that marriage would come early, and that marriage was her main focus. Here she is:

I thought it would be different.

I honestly thought that at 21 years old, my life would be headed in a different direction than it currently is. Having spent my high school years within the homeschooling community where young marriage is fairly typical (and is the goal that many conservative, homeschooling parents have for their children), and having several friends who married young, I believed that it would be the same for me. I didn’t really give much thought to the nagging voice that said, “This may not be the case for you”; I just continued to dream.

Parents: Are you raising your daughters assuming they'll marry young? Be careful!
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Now, I realize that I am still probably categorized as “young”, but I also know that by the time I meet, get to know, date, and get engaged to a man, and then plan our wedding and finally walk down the aisle to him, I’ll probably be two to four years older than I am now. And marrying at 24 or so isn’t really marrying “young”; it’s just marrying.

That all said, I know something now that I wish I had known three or four years ago:

Your life’s purpose, your vision for the future, and your personal contentment should only be tied to loving and following Jesus.

When you place that purpose and vision on anything else, you create an idol. The truth is that I placed way too much emphasis on a “future husband”, and the dream of marriage than I should have. There is nothing inherently wrong with dreaming. There isn’t even anything wrong with hoping to marry young. Marriage is a beautiful thing! It’s not wrong to desire it. But when those dreams and desires become an idol—when we stake our happiness and trust on something other than God—we encounter problems.

The reality is that I basically banked on marrying young, and as a result, I didn’t prepare for the possibility of a future without a husband as well as I should have (which I’m making up for now, thanks to God’s help). I also didn’t learn to find my happiness, purpose, or identity primarily in God. As a result, whenever I was exposed to the bliss of a married couple, fictional or real, I felt completely miserable. I was left asking, “when will it be my turn?” and, “what is wrong with me that I’m still single?” I felt lonely, insecure, and nearly bitter when I focused on what others had that I didn’t.

Thankfully, God used many things—friends and family, sermons, books, Scripture, and the voice of His Holy Spirit—to speak the truth into my life and set me free from the idol I had created. Do I still hope to marry one day? Sure. But, am I just as happy to remain single? Yes, because I know that God will always be with me. He will never leave me nor forsake me, and He will always give me joy and fulfillment.

My purpose, confidence, and identity is found in Him. Not in marriage.

My purpose, confidence, and identity is found in God. Not in marriage.
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Because of this, I no longer have to feel that my life begins when a man enters it. I can live with purpose and make a difference NOW because I’m living for the Kingdom of God, not my castles in the sky.

If you are single and feel as though you’ve fallen into the same trap of idolatry as I did, I would encourage you to realize that your life—not just your present, but your future—should be completely centered upon God. Yes, you can dream! But ultimately you must surrender those dreams to God and come to the place where you’re happy even if they don’t come to pass. You must find contentment in Christ alone, not in “dreams come true.”

Thank you for that story, my friend.

I know many of my friends are married, and this may not apply to you. But I think all of us have the danger of making marriage into our idol. And sometimes that makes us make really poor decisions about who to marry. We spend so much effort trying to find someone to walk down the aisle with us that we never figure out if he’d even be a good husband. We don’t spend enough time preparing for marriage; only dreaming about the wedding. Or we focus so much on getting married that we don’t let our faith in God deepen.

So I just want to encourage single women on this blog today. I know what you’re going through. I really do. And it is hard. But remember:

No husband can meet all his wife's needs. Don't expect your husband to do God's job.
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So maybe you could all chime in down in the comments and leave some encouragement to some single women who are reading this blog: how do you come to terms with putting your hope in God, rather than in a husband? How do you handle it when you are desperate to get married? Let’s talk about it!

The post To All Singles Who Are Worried About Getting Married appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.

Totally Random Stuff in Which I’m Not Squad

Hello, lovely people of the internet.

I am so tired. I stayed up late last night as the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle sale was ending, answering emails, talking to other bloggers, and more.

Why My Back Hurts. Seriously.

And I’ve had quite the weekend! Keith and I spoke in Peterborough this weekend. I gave my Girl Talk on Friday night, then we spoke together at a marriage day (6 talks altogether!), then on Sunday we gave the sermon.

By Saturday lunch I knew I was in trouble. Every now and then my back goes into spasm. And it seriously went in on Saturday. All afternoon, while speaking, I was in agony. That night I lay flat on my back from 4:00 onwards, except for the time that Keith gave me a massage.

I woke up Sunday feeling fine, so assumed everything was better. We went out for lunch on the way home–and that was a big mistake. My back started again. We had an hour and a half long drive home, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it. The woman I go to for massage had some openings, and I went in, and she made it almost all better. But I spent most of the weekend hurting so much.

When the kids were little I threw my back out a few times, and in that case it was different. I strained a muscle, and as long as I was still I was fine, but if I moved–WHAM!

This last incident I’ve had about 5 times. I strain a muscle, but I feel the same no matter what I’m doing. The problem is that the muscle squeezes. It’s like I’m in labour with contractions. It’s awful.

Conclusion: I need to find more time for stretching and walking and exercising! That’s one reason I’m glad of the time ecourse I’m doing right now as part of the Bundle sale (which is now over!

It’s the Best Week of the Year–and It’s Almost Over!

I have so many exciting things to tell you today!

First, if you tune in your radios today to Focus on the Family, guess who you’re going to hear?

Yep. That’s Keith and me! In March we flew to Colorado to record two shows, and they’re airing today and tomorrow. So listen to your local Christian radio station, or listen online right here! (If you’re reading this after May 2, the broadcasts will be available online for 31 days. Just scroll to May 2 & 3.

We’re talking about my new book, 9 Thoughts that Can Change Your Marriage.

I guess they get a lot of individual authors on, but they really like to have couples on, so when they invited me back, they asked if my husband could speak. He’s such a good sport and he said yes, so you can hear both of us.

Second, the big week ends today!

We’re in the middle of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle sale, and honestly, this is the week that I look forward to all year. I don’t know if it’s because I’m incredibly cheap and I like good deals, or if it’s because I like surprises, but I just love the bundles because I get to look at so many products and find the ones that are gems for me–and they’re often things that I haven’t even heard of before, or the things that I thought I wouldn’t need.

I shared on Saturday with you about my favourite book of the bundle–Thinking Outside the Gift Box. That book made me bawl with all of the great ideas in it for meaningful gifts. And I shared on Friday with two books and one ecourse that really hit me in the heart, that can help make some serious changes in our lives. On Thursday I told you about 10 homemacking hacks (just quick tips and tricks) that I picked up from ten different resources in the bundle.

I thought I had gone through everything, but then this weekend I discovered something totally cool that I hadn’t even known before when I was writing all my original posts for you.

One of the 9 awesome bonuses in the bundle (the bonuses alone are worth over $250) is a one year Molly Green membership, valued at $30. But here’s the cool thing: with a Molly Green membership comes a RightNow Media membership. And Right Now media allows you to stream over 10,000 Christian videos and Bible studies INSTANTLY. I had such fun going through these. Let me show you what I mean:

They have kids’ videos:

Marriage Bible studies:

Even videos on Finances!

And here’s something cool. They have two videos by me I didn’t even know I recorded! I filmed a bunch of interviews at some conferences I was at and they turned them into videos. The thumbnail isn’t my face for some reason, but I’m talking in this one, and in another one!

 

And that’s just a teaser. They have stuff for youth, things that you can use in your women’s Bible studies or home groups, and so much more!

I’d buy the Bundle JUST for this membership, even if there was nothing else. (Check out the whole bundle here!)

But you get 93 OTHER ebooks, printables and ecourses, and 8 OTHER bonuses, worth over $1300, BESIDES this membership.

Here’s something else that I’d get on its own: The Craftsy bonus. You get to choose from 24 video classes of crafts, valued from $30-$70, FREE.

I’m taking Sweater Modification for Perfect Fit in the knitting category, but there are also classes on:

One Dish Meals
Knitting Techniques
Learn to Quilt
Make a T-shirt Quilt
Chinese Takeout Favourites
Travel Scrapbooking
How to make Thank You Cards
Simple to Sensational Donuts
Crochet (Basics & Beyond)
Family Photography
Pet Photography
Getting Started with Upholstery
Professional Slipcovers
Make the Most of your Food Processor

and more! So fun.

So there are two other things that I discovered while perusing the bundle this weekend. And that’s the point–you will always find more gems! It’s amazing.

But it’s all gone tonight at midnight. They’re only able to offer all these great resources so inexpensively because they do it for such a short time (just 6 days!)

Remember, you get:

And that’s just $29.97. But only until midnight tonight!

I’ve got to admit, I’m tired. I spent this weekend speaking with my husband at a marriage conference in Peterborough, and spending the evenings looking through more of the Bundle and responding to so many emails! And I’m going to keep going through it today to see what else I can mention on Facebook. I don’t want you to miss this, because I always end up using so much of the Bundle, every year.

So check it out now, before it’s gone!

And remember: Email me your receipt once you’ve bought it, and you’ll be entered in my draw to win ME taking YOU and a FRIEND out to dinner; ME speaking at your church; or some more grab bags of ebooks! Terms and conditions here.

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10 DIY Gifts for Your Husband and Kids That Will Make You Bawl

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if gifts could actually be meaningful–not just another kettle from Wal-Mart, but something that shares your heart, that tells a story, that is cherished?

And wouldn’t it be great if that gift didn’t have to take a lot of time or a lot of money?

I know I don’t normally post on Saturdays, but right now we’re in the middle of the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle sale, and I just have so much I want to share with you that I thought I needed to post again today.

This collection of over 93 ebooks, ecourses, and printables is worth over $1,000, and it comes with over $250 in bonuses. And it’s only $29.97. But it’s only available until Monday!

I’ve been a part of bundle sales for the last three years, and I absolutely love them. It’s kind of like a grab bag at a store–you don’t always know what you’re going to get, but the surprise is so much fun! And with each bundle, there is always ONE resource that changes everything.

Last year it was a book on paperless home organization that helped me be so much more productive. A year before it was about finally helping me quit the Diet Pepsi habit. A year before that it was all about essential oils and getting my meal planning under control.

This year I scoured the all-new resources, and found the gem for me.

Thinking Outside the Gift Box is all about giving meaningful gifts, with 75 actionable gift ideas, 11 of which even come with a downloadable printable to help you carry it out to completion. They’re not all DIY gifts (as in things you make). Sometimes it’s things you buy but put together in a certain way. But all of them make the person receiving the gift feel so special.

I can’t share all 75 meaningful gift ideas, but I want to share 10–with variations on how I’ve used them.

 

I was bawling when I read those ideas in this book. Seriously bawling. All I could think of was, “how would I feel if someone did this for me?” And it takes a lot to make me emotional. So here goes! I hope I get you bawling, too, with just this snapshot of some of the ideas. And then you can check the rest of them out in the Homemaking Bundle!

10 Meaningful DIY Gifts That Share Your Heart:

Want gift ideas that are meaningful, rather than typical? 10 ideas that will make you tear up!
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1. The Survival Kit

For my daughter’s 18th birthday, her youth leader came out to dinner with us and bought Rebecca a bunch of things she’d need when she moved out–a collander, some measuring cups, a potato peeler, a spatula. They didn’t cost very much, but it was meaningful, because it said: “I launch you into adulthood and celebrate this milestone with you!”

This year, when my girls were both in exams at university, I mailed them each an “Exam Survival Kit”.

They loved it (and even considered it Instagram worthy!)

When your mom is actually the best mom in the world and mails you an ‘Exam Survival Kit’ ☺ #thanksmom #sixdaystogo

A photo posted by Katie Gregoire (@katielizg) on Dec 15, 2015 at 5:07pm PST

I even earned the hashtag #bestmomever:

One of my favourite treats from my exam care package

Be Honest with Yourself: What Needs to Change?

What needs to change for you to feel like you’re on the right track? Accomplishing important things? Becoming the person you want to be?

Now, be careful how you answer, because we tend to say things like:

We need more money so that we can move out of this neighbourhood/so I can quit my job
My kids need to start sleeping better/behaving better
My husband needs to be more romantic
My church needs to be more supportive

In other words, we look for things to change outside of ourselves and outside of our control.

But things will never change if you do that.

You will never feel satisfied, at peace, in control of your schedule if you are always looking for circumstances, or people, to change to make your life better.

The change has to start with you. With us.

You will never feel at peace if you are looking for circumstances or other people to change.
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This week the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016 is for sale, so I’m doing something a little different on the blog because it is SUCH an amazing collection of resources, and I only have 6 days to share them all with you.

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle is over $1000 worth of ebooks, video courses, ecourses, and printable packages that you can buy for just $29.97. And when you do, you get over $250 worth of bonuses, too–including my favourite, a FREE class from Craftsy worth $30-$70.

Yesterday I focused on 10 tips and tricks from some of the resources that can help you feel more in control.

But today I want to focus in greater detail on just 3 resources that don’t speak to habits as much as they speak to the heart. How can we actually make important changes that MEAN something in the big picture? How can we become the kind of woman that we’ve always wanted to be?

Those are important questions. Let’s try to flesh some of that out.

Goals + Grace = Change: Preparing the Spirit

Why is it that when we make New Year’s Resolutions we very rarely live them out?

Arabah Joy has a beautiful 5-part journey we can take to learn how to actually make those changes we want. And it starts by understanding the intersection between grace and goals.

She says:

The more I studied this, the more convinced I became of two things.

1. We set far too few goals as Christians! And

2. When we do set goals, we frequently overlook the process and power available exclusively to us as believers in Christ. We miss the whole goal-grace cycle.

In other words, will power can’t change us. It’s only by understanding that we are accepted by God; understanding that we have the Power of the Holy Spirit in our lives; understanding that a fully submitted life is a powerful life that change happens. We can’t change apart from God–but God also wants us to be part of that change. To aim high. To wrestle about where we’re supposed to be going.

I’ve read a few of Arabah Joy’s books now, and she has awesome wisdom, but she tells it in such a way that it’s easy to understand. And she takes really spiritual ideas and makes them highly practical, which is what logical thinkers like me really appreciate!

The biggest thing that sat with me was this one: some changes are obvious. We need to lose weight. We need to control our temper. They’re principles in Scripture, and it’s pretty clear what God wants us to do.

But what if the change you want to make isn’t so obvious? What if you’re trying to decide on a career choice? What if you’re trying to decide where to move, or whether to homeschool? Not as obvious.

And here’s where the book really helped. She talked about how when you start reading Scripture, you start hearing God’s voice more. It’s not that anything profound like a voice from heaven happened; it’s that you became more sure that you were supposed to go in a direction, and then you walked in faith. God doesn’t just want us sitting back and listening for a voice from heaven; He wants us to trust what He’s already given us. He wants us to go forward!

I really enjoyed this, and if you have a decision you’re trying to make, or if you just need the power that comes from God to actually see some changes come to fruition, I know this will help you.

It’s About Time: Preparing the Body

Is it odd to talk about “preparing the body” when I’m talking about figuring out your schedule? After all, shouldn’t figuring out your schedule and your priorities be a distinctly spiritual exercise?

Well, yes, in a way. But here’s what this ecourse tries to bring home, again and again: we live out our lives in the physical world, not the ideal world. And in the physical world, there are only 24 hours in a day. 

I have to admit something: I’m one of those people that, if I get a 10 day challenge or an ecourse or something like that, I’ll just read through the whole thing and then just do the steps I want. I won’t actually work through it the way the person wrote it (which is ironic since I wrote 31 Days to Great Sex–which really is better if you do one day at a time!).

But I made an exception here, and I’m actually working through this one myself. Yes, I’ve read the first three lessons, but lesson one is supposed to take a week, and I’m giving it the full week. I need it. I need to make some changes.

Here’s what she wants you to know: you need to understand that time is finite, because only then will we grasp that when we say yes to something, we are, by definition, saying no to something else. We can’t say yes to everything.

And here’s something else to understand, which I found very freeing: you will always have more to do than you will have time to do it. There will always be things you leave undone.

That was revolutionary for me, because I always thought that the aim was to get my to do list done. But it’s not! It’s just to decide what is worth my time.

Aby says:

If you’ve been under the impression that effective time managers are people who have figured out how to get it all done, then it’s probably unsettling to learn that even the best time managers don’t complete every task or activity that lands near their bucket. This may be disconcerting, but it’s true. Effective time managers, quite simply, make better decisions about how to use their time than less effective time managers do. Part of what makes someone an effective time manager is that they’ve learned to make choices about what to spend their time on, and what not to spend their time on.

She takes you through an exercise where you actually look at where you’re spending your time. Then you choose priorities and goals, figure out what activities feed these and what don’t, learn to say no, and learn to put first things first.

I’m still at the first stage: actually looking at where I spend my time. It’s funny, because when you budget or when you try to lose weight everyone tells you to make a food journal or a spending journal. But I’ve never made a time journal. And I waste a lot of time. It’s not that I think “not working” is bad; if I filled some of that time up with knitting or talking to a friend or even having a bath I’d be happy. But I actually waste it. And that’s a shame.

And those are the things that we need to get rid of!

Highly practical, but largely a spiritual exercise too. I’m humbled as I look at my time schedule. I’m afraid to do tomorrow’s because of what it will show. But isn’t that the essence of change–to be honest with ourselves?

Losing It–Addressing Your Heart

Luke Gilkerson is so raw and real in this book where he talks about the anger he had for his kids–and how it affected their relationship. And he shares some really practical tips on how to use Scripture and how to grow humility so that your first response isn’t to erupt in anger anymore!

It starts with recognizing that anger is your problem. No one else is making you angry; you are choosing to react that way.

And then he says this:

So true! And why do we get angry? Because it actually feels good. He writes:

We enjoy anger not just because there is something inherently good about it. We also enjoy anger because we have twisted it into something proud and selfish. There’s a sort of rush we get from anger, a feeling of moral superiority and authority, the gust of power we feel from dishing out some- one else’s just desserts.

And this is one of the chief problems with sinful anger: how blinding it is. Anger is sure it is right.

Ouch.

We enjoy anger because we get a rush from it--moral superiority. Let's try humility instead.
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Quite simply, this is a great book. It will convict you, but it won’t make you feel guilty. It will empower you to make the changes that God wants you to make. And many of us desperately need this. Our kids don’t deserve our anger. If you’re tired of feeling badly at the end of the day for “losing it”, then stop feeling badly. DO SOMETHING. Make that change.

There you go–three big picture changes that can change everything for you.

That’s what I’ve found with each of the Homemaking Bundles that I’ve gone through: there’s always at least one big picture change I’ve made that has been a huge shift for me. And it’s been good, even if it’s been hard (like changing all of my eating habits!)

This time around I’m working through It’s About Time. I’m super organized now with my work, but I don’t have enough margins in my life. And I’m looking forward to finding ways to say no to more things without feeling like I’m letting people down.

I don’t know what you need to change, but I do know this: this Bundle can really help you. Here’s my approach to the Bundle:

Skim the books and see which ones really “speak” to me.
Take the ones that “speak” to me and divide them into “useful tips” or “useful resources to have on hand” and then “things I have to read and pray through.”
Choose ONE “read and pray through” book and actually DO IT. Slowly. Use the others for quick references when you need them.
Take the ones I know I won’t use and put a few on a thumb drive, along with some themed cute presents (for instance, give a bunch of recipe books along with some tea towels and measuring cups and maybe some flavoured oils), put them all in a basket, and give to a friend for Mother’s Day!

Remember, it’s all gone as of Monday at midnight, so pick it up today, before you forget! And then pray through what God wants to help you change first.

 

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10 Homemaking Life Hacks To Organize Your Life

Do you feel like your to-do list is never to-done? That you’re always running around and you’re always behind?

Most of us feel that way! But over the last few years I’ve started to get a handle on things and stop feeling like life was something that happened to me, rather than something that I chose. And a lot of it came from resources from the Homemaking Bundle.

And this year’s is no exception! I’ve spent the last week reading so many of the great ebooks and working through some of the ecourses, and I want to share with you today 10 quick life hacks that have made my life easier (and that can make your life easier, too!) And they’re all from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016, which is on sale right now until next Monday.

It’s $1300+ worth of resources for just $29.97. And you can get access to them all RIGHT NOW, because they’re all downloadable (except for some awesome bonuses which will actually arrive in the mail).

So here you go–10 life hacks taken from the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle:

1. Family Budget Challenge Ecourse

Shannon explains how she paid off $22,000 worth of debt in just over two years!

Problem: When you have debt, it seems overwhelming. How can you tackle it?

Hack: She explains the “snowball” method really well: You put a minimum payment on all the debts, but you put as much extra money as you can towards the SMALLEST debt. Then, when the smallest debt is paid off, you take all of that money and put it towards the second smallest debt. Soon the debt snowballs!

Why not pay off the higher interest rate one first? You can (that’s called the avalanche method). But for many people the psychological satisfaction of seeing a debt completely gone motivates them to keep paying off debt, so studies have actually shown that getting rid of the smallest debt first results in more debt repayment. Plus she has TONS (and I mean a TON) of ideas on how to find extra money to put towards debt. It’s awesome!

List Plan It Bonus 3-Month Membership

You’re going to get a 3-month membership to List Plan It, which has lists to organize your whole life. Print them out, or use them online and sync them across your devices. They have links for absolutely EVERYTHING! Let’s look at just one of their thousands of lists:

Problem: You assign a chore to your kids, but they don’t do it right. You get grumpy, they get grumpy, and then you end up just doing it for them because the bathroom isn’t clean to your standard.

Hack: Print out their step-by-step instructions for household chores for kids. Kids may not know how to “clean a bathroom”, but if they have a checklist with all the tips, like “wash the floor behind the toilet”, “spray the sink and wash it”, “change the hand towels”, and more, then they can check it off and get it done, and you’re less likely to have to pitch in!

The Housework Action Pack Video Course

It’s a video course to show you how you can turn housework into exercise!

Problem: You don’t have time to exercise. Well, you don’t have time to do housework, either, but you at least get the laundry done. What about exercise?

Hack: Instead of grabbing all the clothes out of the dryer, taking them to the couch, and folding them there, fold them straight from the dryer! And every time you get a piece of clothing out, do a squat! She shows you the proper technique, and shows which exercises work best for dusting, for the kitchen, and more! Work out your glutes, your hamstrings, your hips, and more. 

Cozy Minimalist Mom Video Course

Problem: Your kids always fight over possessions. And when they leave stuff lying around, you don’t know who to blame. Cozy Minimalist Mom says: 

The American Dream has turned into the American part time job as a Stuff Manager.

Hack:  Kids don’t have to share! Assign each child their own color towel, notebook, phone case, brush, hair clips, whatever. Get them their own brand of deodorant, shampoo, or other toiletries. Advantage: you know who left the towel on the floor, and they stop fighting over things!

Plan It Don’t Panic

Instead of telling you that you MUST do a two-week meal plan, or a monthly meal plan, or a freezer meal plan, Stephanie explains them all and teaches you how to choose!

Problem: The idea of making a meal plan is overwhelming. You have too many recipes and ideas and don’t know where to start. And you’re tired of your kids not appreciating your hard work.

Hack: Create a go-to list of the 21 meals your family likes that no one whines about. They’re healthy. You can make them almost without thinking. Then fill in your meal plan primarily with these go to meals, and supplement from Pinterest or recipe books as you want to.

Bonus Hack: Hide vegetables. Get a food chopper and dice up peppers, celery, real tomatoes, mushrooms, and carrots super small and add them to spaghetti sauce or stews. Add spinach to smoothies and no one will see!

Bonus Hack 2: Instead of my favourite 21 meals, I’m creating a list of 2 favourite meals for each cut of meat. We buy 1/2 cow and a whole lamb every year, so I’m always having to figure out what to do with all these different cuts. When I have go-to meals for each cut, then it’s easier!

Make Over Your Calendar

This 7-day course helps you use Google Calendar to its full advantage–and make sure that you don’t forget to do things ever again!

Problem: Your to do list is never done, and you’re always feeling behind–even on days when you get a lot accomplished!

Hack: Your To-Do List is Not a Democracy—but It’s Not a Dictator, either. It’s not a democracy: not everything is equally important. Put the important stuff at the top and do it first. But it’s not a dictator, either! Reevaluate your schedule everyday at lunch, and if the day is running out of control, then move things around. You’re allowed!

Crystal shows you how to schedule your to do list in Google Calendar, and then how to quickly drag and drop things that just aren’t going to get done today onto a different day. So much less guilt! 

Raising Kids You Actually Like

It’s MY book! And it’s all about how to build relationships with your kids so that they become people you enjoy hanging around with.

Problem: Kids leave stuff all over the house, and you’re forever picking stuff up.

Hack: Create a Jubilee Box! Everyday at a specific time you go through common areas and pick up things that are lying around. They go into a “jubilee box” that will be emptied on Sundays, though kids can redeem stuff before that at an agreed upon price. And remember this rule: any time a child inconveniences you (or someone else, like making a sibling late), they have to give back time by doing someone else’s chores. Help kids learn to understand the effect that their actions have on others!

The Grocery Shrink

The Grocery Shrink has tons of ideas to shrink your grocery bill–without using a ton of coupons!

Problem: You’re constantly buying lunch.

Hack: Before serving dinner, remove a lunch portion for those who work outside the home and put it in a microwaveable divided plate to send to work the next morning. This sounds so simple, yet I’ve NEVER done it. Until now. We always just took the leftovers AFTER the meal. But then often there are no leftovers. Take it out first, and then if people are still hungry when the food is gone they can have a piece of toast or eat more veggies! This way the main course goes further.

Motivated Moms Chore Planner

All the checklists you’ll need for cleaning your entire house, from top to bottom, for the next year and a half. You won’t forget anything ever again!

Problem: You often forget the “extras”. (True story: we once called the furnace guy and had to pay $150 for him to come out, just to find out that we hadn’t changed the filters in a few months. That was an expensive reminder!)

Hack: Just clean according to their schedules! All the things you need to do weekly, monthly, seasonally, or yearly are also included (like changing the batteries on the fire detectors) so you won’t forget them. If you’re looking for a no-brainer way to organize your cleaning, this is it!

 

Emergency Meals

Problem: Sometimes you have a meal-time emergency. You don’t have time to cook. The cupboards are bare. You meant to take the meat out of the freezer–but you forgot. You have company coming. You need to get the kids to karate and gymnastics and still get homework done. So what do you do?

Hack: Have a go-to list for panic times—when you don’t have time to cook! Beth gives recipes for 7 different mealtime emergencies, and tips on how to prepare beforehand so the emergencies don’t derail you. Love having this go to list–and especially love the stuff about company. I think I’m a good cook, but I get nervous when company comes. Having this just boosts my confidence!

There you go–10 ideas to make your life run more smoothly.

Altogether, the 10 resources I mentioned here retail for $161. But you get them for just $29.97–and you get 83 OTHER resources, too, along with an additional $250 in bonuses!

 

I’ve also found some great resources in the bundle to minister to my heart and to help me minister to others, and I’ll be sharing a little about them, too. That’s the beauty about a bundle–there are all KINDS of great gems. Some will give you tips & tricks to get through your day, and some will give you a whole paradigm shift on what you’re doing during that day to begin with.

I know you’ll love it, because I love it. I’m not just selling this–I’m using it! I worked through Day 2 of the It’s About Time ecourse last night (that’s valued at $49 all on its own!), and I’m getting so much out of it.

So don’t miss it! Remember, today is the last day to get the Early Bird Deal, where you get the upgrade to the ereader for free. After today, the bundle is $29.97, but if you want books specially formatted for Kindle or Nook, it’s an extra $10. So pick it up now!

And if you buy it from me, you’ll be entered into a draw to win a bunch of other ebooks, OR you can win ME taking you and a friend to dinner, or ME bringing my Girl Talk Event to your church (for no fee!). Just email me your receipt to be entered, or learn more here (scroll to the bottom of the post).

Check out the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle!

P.S. I had an email yesterday from someone who bought her FOURTH Homemaking Bundle. She’s bought one every year because she loves it so much! I know how she feels. Don’t miss it! It’s really a great deal.

 

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Feel Energized, Not Defeated: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016 is Here!

Are you your harshest critic? I know I am!

And I think it’s because, as a woman, I feel a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. Things run smoothly and things feel–well, “homey”–when I’m on top of my game.

But it doesn’t always feel like I am on top of my game.

Our job is so important, and we really want to do it right.  But so often, we end up feeling discouraged and even like we’re failing.

Maybe you wonder how you can keep up with it all and still have the energy and intentionality to be the kind of wife and woman you want to be.

Now, homemaking is never going to be stress-free (though it sure sounds nice).

But what if you had more (and better) tools to help make homemaking stress-less?

That’s why I’m so excited to share with you about something very special happening right now called The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016.

It was created to give you a huge collection of high-quality, easy-t0-use resources to take some of the stress, overwhelm and difficulty out of homemaking and mothering.

And to bolster you in the work you’re doing, because every awesome, hard-working woman deserves a little help sometimes.

The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle includes 93 hand-picked eBooks, eCourses, and printables, on topics that matter to women such as:

organization, routines & creating a cozy home
recipes, grocery shopping and meal planning
budgeting and saving money
motherhood (no matter what age your kids are)
cultivating a strong marriage
faith (for you & your kids)
and even self-care (like exercise, weight loss, life planning and coloring books!)
and much more…

Plus, it comes with these FREE bonus offers from companies who know what homemakers need and want. Some are 100% free; other are yours for the cost of shipping only. You’ll get:

FREE Mrs. Meyer’s Dish Soap, Mrs. Meyer’s Multi Surface Spray, Grove Collaborative Spray Bottle, Grove Collaborative Scrubber Sponges and FREE 60-day VIP trial with FREE shipping from Grove Collaborative ($30 value)
FREE Online Class from Craftsy ($29.99-$69.99 value)
FREE Kids Discovery Box from GreenKidCrafts.com ($24.95 value)
$15 Gift Certificate to InkWELL Press ($15 value)
$15 Credit to Hope Ink Shop PLUS Two FREE 8×10 Art Prints with Any Purchase ($71)
FREE SPOT Treatment for Acne & Eczema OR a $15 Gift Certificate from Bloom Naturals ($15 value)
FREE 90-Day Pro Membership to ListPlanIt.com ($30)
FREE 1-Year MollyGreen.com Membership ($29 value)
FREE Hand Massage Routine Videos from Melt Couples Massage ($24 value)

It’s available for just 6 days – from now until Monday, May 2nd, 2016 at 11:59pm EST. That’s why the Ultimate Bundles team can offer so much, because they only have permission to sell it for such a short period of time.

The total value is an astonishing $1000+ (plus over $300 in bonuses), but you get it for just $29.97. That’s 97% off what it would cost to buy everything individually!

Learn more or get your bundle now!

You have a full year to download the eBooks and printables and take the online eCourses, and everything you’ve downloaded becomes part of your permanent library, so you can go back to it whenever you need it.

If you think getting all those homemaking & mothering helps for less than $30 sounds like a steal, then make sure to go HERE to see exactly what it includes and grab yours before this deal ends!

Bundles Have Helped Me So Much in Past Years

You know, I was telling a friend yesterday that I’m actually in a good place right now–I’m really busy and really tired, but I feel as if I’m in the middle of God’s calling. I feel organized. I feel healthier. And a lot of that is because of past bundles! Every year I find at least one gem that changes EVERYTHING for me. Last year it was a book on paperless home organization which helped me to finally feel on top of my to do list. The year before that it was health changes when I quit Diet Pepsi and started eating whole foods. And the year before that it was a faith journey that helped me to stop feeling like I had to drive myself towards God and start letting myself be called, which is a lot different.

I know that this bundle will have a ton of stuff you love–but at least one resource that will change EVERYTHING for you, too. In fact, I’ve already found TWO gems for me, plus a ton of other helpful things that I’ll be sharing about this week.

(That’s right–I actually USE the bundle, too! Totally! It’s one of the highlights of my year!)

The first resource is an ecourse called It’s About Time, found in the Organization & Routines category.

Yes, I’m organized now. I’ve got my to do list to-done (Yay!). But I’ve been feeling like I’m working too much and I don’t have enough margins in my life. So I’ve been working through this course and actually doing the steps that she talks about.

I’m so looking forward to finding my margins again!

The second book is Thinking Outside the Gift Box from the DIY & Homemade section.

I had to read it with a box of Kleenex beside me because I was bawling the whole time. And it’s not supposed to be a sad book! It’s just a book on how to give meaningful gifts, with 75 different ideas. But they were all so touching, and I kept thinking about how I would feel if someone did this for me that I ended up sniffling like crazy. It’s amazing! This will be my go-to gift idea book forevermore, I’m sure. It’s that good.

But you’ll also learn how to:

Balance a budget
Meal Plan
Clean to a Schedule
Find Peace in your devotions again
Get control of your temper
Reignite your sex life
and so much more!

In fact, you’ll even learn my best parenting tips, because my ebook, Raising Kids You Actually Like, is part of the Mom section!

 

But there are so many more books, ecourses, and bonuses, and seriously–it is just so FUN to go through all these and start brainstorming and dreaming about what a difference these will make. And they’re all practical. They’re full of tips that you can implement RIGHT NOW so that you can start feeling on top of your game, too.

And it’s so affordable!

 

It’s just $29.97 for EVERYTHING–the books, access to the video courses, and the bonuses.

And if you order today or tomorrow, you get the upgrade to an ereader (so you can read easier on your Kindle or Nook) absolutely free! After Thursday it will be $10 more. (Note: You can read the regular .pdf files on your Kindle, but it’s easier if you get the files that are specifically formatted! Personally, I use the .pdfs on my Computer and my iPad and they work fine, but if you want the option of reading on your Kindle, it’s fun to get both kinds!)

 

 

Here’s everything you get:

Plus the bonuses and plus the e-courses. And it’s all just $29.97–but it will be gone on Monday!

Learn more or get your bundle now!

And here’s something cool: when you buy the Bundle from me, you just need to email me your receipt and you’ll automatically be entered in a contest where you could win one of these prizes:

5 Prizes of 3 of my ebooks: 31 Days to Great Sex, Another Reality Check, and How Big Is Your Umbrella
5 Prizes of Grab Bags of 10 more Homemaking Ebooks

and the Grand Prizes:

1 Prize of ME taking YOU & a friend out to dinner before December 31, 2018 (only applicable in Canada and the 48 contiguous states)
1 Prize of ME giving a GIRL TALK at your church before December 31, 2018 (only applicable in Canada and the 48 Contiguous states)

In previous contests Yakima, WA, Willmar, MN and Scarborough, ON have all won FREE Girl Talks! And I’ll be in Sioux City, Iowa this fall for them to collect their prize! And this fall, in Georgia, we also took another lucky winner (and her friend) out to dinner:

You could be next! When you buy your bundle, just email me your receipt here, or see here for more contest details.

Don’t hesitate–the bundle is only available until Monday, and the special deal on the ereader is only available today and tomorrow! So get it now!

Besides being an author participating in the bundle, I’m also an affiliate, and so I will make a portion of the sale price. Thanks for supporting me!

The post Feel Energized, Not Defeated: The Ultimate Homemaking Bundle of 2016 is Here! appeared first on To Love, Honor and Vacuum.