Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 103

Online dating Indians like cricket, who knew

I was reading a piece about online dating keyword statistics broken down into races in America (as you do).

To sum up, white people like Van Halen, black people like god and soul food, latino people like forms of music I've never heard of, Asians call themselves simple a lot and Atheists are smarter than non Atheists.

But then I came to the Indian profiles, which were tucked in at the bottom without any comments. This was the male profile.

[image error]So in America, the average Indian is a massive cricket f...

Sadists

The latest dates for the Cricket Sadists' Quarterly submissions are up.

So if you have something, send it to me.

If not, buy the magazine so I can start paying people.

That is all.

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balls profiles: Michael Yardy

In the years to come he will be known as, " you know, that guy".  But right now is known as the star of left arm slow non spin.  Has reinvented himself from a struggling batsman to a comically unfunny bowling option.  Yardy is a more than handy number 7 batsman,which is why it was funny he was made to bat behind Luke Wright.  Clearly England wanted Yardy to know his place. He is a such a miserly bowler that I am surprised people have not called him a jew, or a scot, or  dutch, or (insert...

Me Vs the Lord's Taverners

It was always bound to come to this, me taking on the Lord's taverners in a contest to the death.

On the 18th of September at something called the Sunbury Cricket Club I shall do everything within my cricketing powers to send Lord's back to the stoneage, where they belong.

I am playing on the side of test match sofa, but also on the side of good.

The players that the Lord's Taverners will be sending out against me are:

"Lawrence Prittipaul (Cricketer Ex-Hampshire), Tom Wisdom (Actor), Colin...

how to use a foul-mouthed twitter rant to your advantage

We're going to play a game here.

I need you to imagine you're a fading international cricketer.  Internationally you never really made it.  You have some fans, but in the end you couldn't cut it at the top of the game.

You had your moments though, and you aren't some no one cricketer. People know your name and cricket fans would notice you in a pub.

The body is giving up, and other than T20 games, cricket might be passing you by.

You've even started commentating when you are county or IPLing...

Happy Birthday sweet balls

Today is the birthday of cricket with balls.

Or tomorrow.

But, roughly speaking, it is about now.

Cricket With Balls is 3 years old, yet, it still regularly pisses it self and can't walk.  It is a mouthy little fucker, though.

I have no idea what to do as a birthday post, so with no real planning or thought I thought I'd run through my favourite CWB memories and things I thank Cricket With Balls for.

Bryce McGain leaving a comment on a post.

Nesta Quinn telling Neil Harvey about the blog and Neil...

Real exclusive: Dimi Mascarenhas trips over Twitter

Another day, another twitter fuck up.

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How many times will we see the words twitter rant.

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Sachin Tendulkar air force pictures

The official word is that Sachin Tendulkar has been given an honorary position in the Indian Air Force.

Bullshit.

We have the pictures that prove that Sachin is a proper fly boy on the highway to the dangerzone.

That's right! Sun…il. I am dangerous.

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You can be my wingman any time.

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Any of you boys seen an aircraft-carrier around here?

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Talk to me, Ravi

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I want somebody's butt, I want it now.

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Finally, Tillakaratne Dilshan on a motor bike

For some reason the Dilshan pic disappeared from the last post, but that is because he is so cool, so here it is.

My name is Tillakaratne Dilshan, and I'm cooler than you.  Here I am riding a motorbike wearing a shirt and tie, yet, I'm still cooler than you, deal with it.  If i was dressed as a pirate, I'd be even more cooler than you.

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Sri Lanka pictorial

I went to Sri Lanka, and I took a camera.

I couldn't possibly show you every photo that was cricket related, but these are my favourites, they're unedited, because I can't be bothered.

Every night Mahela and I drink coke together, you could be this happy if you drink coke. Look how happy we are.  Really happy.

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Hey man, what's happening, yeah, coke man, i love it, I'm so fucking high right now, I know you can't tell, cause I pull it off well, but really I am high.  But I look normal, don't i...