Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 101

Photo of Jimmy Anderson posing nude, naked and lubed up for Gay Magazine

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balls profiles: Rahul Dravid

There is a alternate universe where Rahul Dravid walks around pimped up, sort of like a slim Biggie Smalls.  In that world everything he does or says is gospel. He is not God, but actual life.  When he bats the whole world stops and sighs.  His forward defence was the sole reason for world peace. It was as if before him there was no reason to live.   It is every young girl and boys ambition to satisfy every whim of Rahul Dravid.  Laws are re-written for him, ice cream is named after him, and ...

England discriminate against Adil Rashid

For too long this has gone on, and no one in the media has had the courage to speak out.

I can't stand by anymore, I need to talk about it.

We all know the reason Adil Rashid is not playing for England, and it shouldn't be hidden away.

It is because England discriminate against leg spinners.

Talk to anyone in English cricket and they talk about legspinners like they all have an attitude or behavioural problem.

The coaches say they are hard to deal with.

The other players say they can't be trusted.

A...

The Ashes squad announced: Monty's back

The moment we have all been waiting for is here, Montybot is back.

The man who would bowl the same at Old Trafford to Jacob Oram as he would if he was bowling on Jupiter to a team of genetically modified cricket playing aliens.

Who knows what modifications grandmaster Mushie has made to him.

A variable pace chip.

Extra Rom so he can read the game.

Super flex arms for pushing 15 degrees.

Who knows, but this year he has taken wickets in county cricket, and that is why he is back.

Other players that...

Chris Gayle's Birthday

In the next few months there is the finish to the Champions League, Australia V India, The Ashes, the IPL and a world cup.

But that shit aint mean a thing, the real event is always going to be this.

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Ricky Ponting and Dan Vettori aren't about to have their birthday produced by someone called jamyard.

MS Dhoni isn't about to have a bottle of Hennessy on his invite.

No one's paying 5000 large to go to Andrew Strauss' party.

And Graeme Smith can't get away with calling his birthday the lifestyles of t...

My role in the global conspiracy that is defrauding Pakistan

For a long time I have been hiding this, but now that I have been outed in the comments there is nowhere left for me to hide.

I am part of the global conspiracy to defraud Pakistan.

This all began when I was 9.

At the time I was like any other young cricket fan, I had my favourite player, supported my country and played way more cricket than I watched. At that time, I was an unpaid cricket fan with a crap bat, like most of us were at that age, and that is how they hooked me in.

One day at my...

The greatest victory in Pakistani history

Today Pakistani defeated the might of England.

It was a stab to the heart of the evil empire that conspires to keep the people of Pakistan down.

This was more than a cricket match, this was a struggle between the light and dark sides of humanity, and as we all know, there can be only one winner.

Pakistan won this battle.

They proud men in green had to defeat vicious rumours, global conspiracies, violent opposition players and Michael Yardy.

Other players, less Pakistani, would never have been...

The County Season is over

And all I could find is this stamp.

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This stamp does say a lot about the County schedule.

Bloated.

I'll miss it in a month, but for now I am glad it is gone.

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Ijaz Butt – unplugged

It is easy to be negative.  And fun.

But we should also continue to look for the positives in the latest accusations in world cricket.

That positive is Ijaz Butt.

Not happy with ruining everything in Pakistani cricket he has ever touched, he is now taking the most grown up stance in world cricket by saying, "we aren't cheaters, you are cheaters, you've always hated us, your mum is fat".

This kind of complete crazy bullshit nonsense could be used to make money.

And the PCB needs money.

So I've come ...

This post has been fixed

You should be Reading jokes here.

But I am holding them back.

Not for long.

It isn't designed to Change the result of the blog.

It is just a quick pause.

No one will notice.

Probably.

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