Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 105

dropping the selectors

"At no stage have they told any selector that his job is being dissolved, discontinued. One of us has to drop off, not anyone has been told who that one is going to be. Our future is in someone else's hands. Obviously we would like to know who it is. If it is me that gets dropped off the list, I have enjoyed my time with the Australian cricket team, it has been absolutely fantastic. What happens going forward is out of my hands."

Merv Hughes

OK, you've now read that.

Let me do this to it.

"At...

Look, Foxes Shooting Themselves

If you thought that the goings on in Pakistani cricket were bizarre, then look no further than Leicestershire County Cricket Club.

In the 1990s, the side were a force in County cricket, twice Championship winners and perennial contenders in the one day game. When T20 cricket came along in the 2000s, they won two of the first three competitions.

Since 2003, things have gone badly downhill in other ways. The membership has shrunk by, on some counts, 66%. The club has made a profit in only one of ...

Just When You Thought It Wasn't Going To Get Stranger

This Pakistani selection story just keeps getting stranger.

Today they announced the squad for the upcoming one day games against England. Strangely, Mohammed Yousuf was in it. That's Yousuf, a man who has always given the impression that he feels the same way about one day cricket as Shahid Afridi does about Tests – it is a nice idea in theory, but I'm not really the guy for it so why pick me?

More surprisingly, Shoaib Malik wasn't in the squad. Malik and Yousuf famously have the sort of...

The father podcast

In terms of self indulgence, recording a podcast with your own father must be pretty high.
We talk about Sobers, empty bars, bums, modern bowlers, spin in junior cricket and Warne.

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Hey baby, let me manage your talent

Just when you assume that Cricket Australia can't make you laugh, they pour acid in your ear and light your pubes on fire.

It didn't seem to matter that Greg Chappell as a coach was like being made to kill your own dog, Cricket Australia seem to love him.

Perhaps it was because all of them owned the Greg Chappell hats as kids, or maybe they'll all mental cuntards.

Either way, they have now outdone themselves and given Chappell the first ever full time selector role.

His first decision was to axe ...

balls profile: Mark Boucher

No player is more like a reliable station wagon than Mark Boucher.  Holds the records for the most dismissals as a wicket keeper in test cricket.  Has done this without being a particularly great wicket keeper.  He is also not much of a batsman.  Yet there he is, behind the stumps, being all Boucher like.  Plucky, game, in for a scrap and more likeable than the whole team combined.  He is one hell of a cliche generator.  Right now I want to call him someone I would go to war with.  I'd love t...

I'm back, and I brought mystery fingers holding a sausage

Somehow I survived the rugged terrain of Sri Lanka.

There is heaps of cricket shit to tell you, but I need to sleep.

But this is by far my favourite ad of any I saw.

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Not enough cricketers hold sausages.

And very few mystery spinners wrap their magical fingers around one.

Hopefully Mendis has started a trend.

Think what his fingers could do with that sausage.

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balls profile: Ajantha Mendis

No one has got more famous for inventing ball that pretty much goes straight. Before being worked out he was the most dangerous bowler in world cricket. Now he is Chris Harris, without the impressive hair. Bowls faster than most spin bowlers, and has never really mastered flight. Anyone who can control as many deliveries as he can should surely be able to adapt. If not, he should go to County cricket and be the first bowler to take One Million first class wickets. Is a second lieutenant ...

balls profile: Ajathna Mendis

No one has got more famous for inventing ball that pretty much goes straight. Before being worked out he was the most dangerous bowler in world cricket. Now he is Chris Harris, without the impressive hair. Bowls faster than most spin bowlers, and has never really mastered flight. Anyone who can control as many deliveries as he can should surely be able to adapt. If not, he should go to County cricket and be the first bowler to take One Million first class wickets. Is a second lieutenant ...

balls profile: ravi rampaul

No man can waddle like Ravi Rampaul.  His hips are seductive weapons he uses to distract batsmen as he comes in to bowl his medium fast occasional swingers.  Prone to overs of such ineptitude that even Morne Morkel feels sorry for him.  Then he gets it right, and you can sort of see why he keeps getting picked.  Apparently he was once a batsman.  This is mentioned during his many innings of looking like shit, but even more so in the odd innings where he does make runs. If Ravi was a maths...