Jarrod Kimber's Blog, page 108

Suddenly, it all makes sense

In a corner of a room, Ijaz Butt was crying.

The sounds of sobbing brought a startled flunky running. "Master! Master! Whatever is the matter?"

"Oh Salman,", Butt wailed, "It's all gone wrong"

"How, Master? How?"

"No-one finds us funny anymore. Salman"

"Surely not, Master"

"It's true, Salman. We've tried it all – three captains who hated each other, suspending people and letting them come back right away, everything. We even gave Kamran Akmal wicketkeeping gloves!"

Salman is, by now, laughing so...

balls profile: Peter Siddle

Visited Euro Disney after the Ashes.  Few players would show that sort of determination to the cause.  But that is Sids.  His face shows the sort of pain and desperation he is willing to go through for the cause.  As someone once said, "He looks like he would run through a brick wall for his country, and his face shows he already has."  It is that gritty face that proves that he has what it takes to be a fast bowler.  Started International cricket by hitting Gotham Gambhir on the head.  Gets ...

Time for a spell

This has been a tough summer for me.

Pakistan and Australia have given me so much ammunition that I have almost ignored England, India and Sri Lanka.

Then there has been Bangladesh, another one of those T20 thingys, and Bryce McGain coming to Essex.

Sitting on your ass and talking, writing and podding about all this shit gets to ya.

I am tired.

So I'm going on holiday.

To Sri Lanka.

Starting now.

I'll be back in two weeks.

The Skiver will be popping in here, I have player profiles for every day I am g...

Sachin Tendulkar article to generate sales

You already know that Sachin is on the front of the cricket sadists' quarterly. Now I am trying to garner more sales by sucking in more Sachin fans with this taste of what appeared in the last issue. This is long, and about Sachin, so take it or leave it.

Sachin playing in your lounge

In November of 2003 I was a shift worker who spent a fair chunk of the summer watching shield games at the MCG (G).  When I found out the Indians would be playing the Victorians at the G I was always going to...

Sachin Tendulkar on the cover of the Cricket Sadists' Quarterly

I know little about marketing, but I know a little about shameless grabs for sales.

With that, I present the cover of the second edition of the Cricket Sadists' Quarterly.

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Hopefully all those crazy people who trawl the internet looking for people to abuse for not liking Sachin enough will love this and buy it for the cover alone.

The rest of the you should buy it cause it is a decent bloody read.

True story.

My favourites include Andrew Fernando trying to sex up Sri Lanka, IOB talking demons, and ...

Yuvraj Singh starring in Adam Sandler remake

Apparently Yuvraj hates being called .

I can understand why, as Ceci has proved, he is a water distribution engineer.

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Dating the PCB is tough

After a messy and public split, you leave your partner.

They slag you off in the news a bit, and try and make you feel like an idiot.

You don't care, you've proved yourself to the public many times before, regardless of this cheap media stunt you are a legend, and you'll be ok without them.

This isn't the first time you've separated with them, but you assume this is the last.

While your last separation ended in you marrying them, this one surely can't, I mean, they through your ass out publicly, ...

What can you do with Matty Hayden?

It seems like Matty Hayden is now selling theme park tickets to the kiwis.

Sportreview doesn't like this, you can read all about why he doesn't like it here, but the gist is, he thinks it is a bit shit and he'd like to take the piss.

So, his competition is to see what you can photoshop in behind Hayden to properly take the piss.

According to the rules, "Points will be awarded for 1. being funny and 2. making Hayden look like a twat."

And then you can send in your work to richard (at) sportreview ...

Get on the Foo

ESPN have been showing the T20 Caribbean tournament.  And I haven't been so entertained by a cricket tournament since the ICL.

I've been watching so much of it, late at night, just coming in and out of it, not watching entire games.  I loves it.

The final was on the other night, I taped it, but when I looked at ESPN had taped some random football match instead.

But luckily for me, ESPN replay every sporting event hundreds of times, so I caught the second innings of the final after Barbados made ...

The many faces of pakistan

One of the great things about Pakistani cricket is that no matter how professional cricket gets, they resist.

When Umar Amin played his first game at Lord's, he had a helmet that looked like it had been passed down through 17 other players.

At times it appears that every player has a different kind of headwear.

And they don't even have a press officer to help their players (especially those with limited English) with press conferences.

But this is my favourite part of their non-professionalism.

Ma...