Barry Parham's Blog: The Mooncalf Communion, page 39
April 21, 2014
Mrs. Kepler Cops an Attitude
(From knickers to new planets. Go, NASA, go.)
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There’s big news on the intergalactic front: NASA has unearthed another Earth! (Well, it’s not exactly Earth – on the entire uninhabited planet, there are only 57 McDonald’s. But it’s close.)
We’re talking about a whole heavenly body here, a promising planet that NASA has given the no-nonsense name of Kepler-186f — so named because…well, because it was named by NASA. You want passion, tell Congress to fund Emily Dickinson.
You’d think our...
April 14, 2014
What Color Serial Killer Are You?
(Why facebook isn’t a dating service)
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Imagine attending one of the weekly Website Design meetings at facebook. Yes, facebook — mankind’s largest global community of people with fake names.
facebook — the world wide web’s high-tech response to the Beatles’ 1966 hi-fi reflection: “Ah, look at all the lonely people.”
Imagine such a meeting:
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Boss: All right, let’s get going. Carol, what do we got going on?
Kerryll From Marketing: It’s Kerryll.
Boss: Whatever.
Kerryll: Oka...
April 7, 2014
Notes On Aging Gracefully
(Okay, notes on aging)
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Well, here we go again. In a life stippled by milestones, I’ve reached another one. In last week’s mail, I received my first-ever brochure from a fun, social-event-filled commune for numerically-gifted free spirits!
In other words, I got invited to visit an old folk’s home.
To be honest, I’ve had better milestones.
Life can be measured by such markers. Your first car; your first date; your first time driving your car into a ditch because you were trying to kiss y...
March 31, 2014
Kim Bags a Unicorn
(Public Relations, Pyongyang-style)
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Like you, I regularly hop online to check out world news…to see what other countries’ leaders are up to. After all, instant access to global news is the best thing about the internet.
Well, that, and midget clown porn.
We do this, this world-leader-watching, partly for reassurance that we’re not the only country in the galaxy being run by clueless idiots, but also because somebody’s got to keep an eye on these power junkies, these attention-gulping...
March 23, 2014
Dark Days at Wiener World
(Based on a true, and very stupid, story)
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Looking back on everything — all the clues, all the mice, and what-all — looking back, maybe the law here in my town of Creyer (it’s pronounced “Cur”) should’ve seen the connection. But even the F.B. of I. might not’ve corrugated the seemingly undulated links between some fool stealing a forklift, a ATM, and a snake.
I mean, something like this, it’s like to stump ol’ Sheriff Andy over by Mayberry.
Not to mention Barney.
Here’s the particulates...
March 16, 2014
Flight Something-or-Other
(Welcome to Malaise Air!)
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It’s a puzzler that’s barely a week old, and it’s already become the biggest mystery in the history of flight.
No, not “Why is Security strip-searching Grandma?”
Not that mystery. The other one.
In terms of notoriety, the David Copperfield-like disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 has eclipsed all earlier air travel enigmas — all the previous unsolved posers, like
What happened to Amelia Earhart?
What really goes on in the Bermuda Triangle?
How come a tu...
March 9, 2014
Pain by Numbers
(Hmm. Looks like a 10.T67.455ZD. Now, cough.)
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Oh, good. ObamaCare just got picky.
This is a new twist. Until now, the “Affordable” Health Care Act has just been unaffordable, indecipherable, inconsistent, impersonal, unsecured, down for repairs, and short on doctors. And hospitals. And health care.
Now it’s neurotic, too.
America, please say ‘hello’ to the ICD-10.
As every American schoolchild knows, unless they’ve been suspended for waving an American flag on Cinco de Mayo, the ICD is...
March 2, 2014
The Angst of Leisure
(America. Putting the ‘ax’ in relax.)
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Now that the Winter Olympics have wrapped up, lots of Americans find themselves casting about, looking for something over which they can get overly emotional, for thirty minutes.
Minus commercials.
The “Honey? Have you seen my anxiety?” syndrome is a uniquely American neurosis. European nations, after an Olympics, just dive right back into their same-old, day-to-day, pre-Olympiad frustrations:
putting up with American tourists who think the cure fo...
February 23, 2014
Zakryt Rot – Eto Moya Ulybka
(translation: “Shut up – that IS my smile.”)
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It’s almost over. Sometime tomorrow, the XXII Olympic Winter Games will officially end. And, as usual, NBC will provide live coverage.
About twelve hours later.
Yeah, I know. “Live coverage.” Shh. Nudge, nudge; wink, wink.
But the XXII Games, since day I, have been a little odd.
The Games’ opening ceremonies from Sochi, Russia, were a bit, well, glitchy. But at least the closing ceremonies look promising. Across the globe, millions of enrapt...
Pictures in Search of a Caption
Reviews were mixed for the sequel, Monty Python and the Holy Spitball Gun
History tells us precious little about Dizzy’s ancestor, Bjorn Gillespie
Great Moments in Automotive History: King Uther signals a left turn
“Welcome thee to Merlin-Burger, England’s first drive-thru! Wishest thou fries with that?”
During Weekly Radio Address, Obama Makes Half-Promises To Half The Nation
Theodred never did understand why his right flank failed to advance
“Leonardo, we’re loving the Armored Car. The Deaf Ray,...
