Mark Sheldon's Blog: Mark Sheldon's Dossier of Flayed Cliches, page 7

Dyed in the Wool

One time, after a friend's grandmother had died, the friend told me that his grandmother had been dyed in the wool.  I do my best to be respectful of other cultures' traditions and what-not, but I couldn't help but point out that this sounded like a very odd way to mummify someone.  He punched me in the face and stomped away.  Some people are very odd about burial traditions.

Dutch Treat

One time, back in college, I asked a girl out on a date, and she said that she wanted to go Dutch treat.  I thought this was a rather odd and specific request, but after some research I found a Dutch bakery in town and took her there, so I don't understand why she got so irritated about me wanting to pay.  I've said it before and I'll say it again; women are strange.

Count Sheep

One time, when I was suffering from insomnia, a friend suggested that I try counting sheep.  I thought this was strange advice, but nonetheless when I couldn't sleep that night, I got in my car, and drove around looking for a sheep farm.  In a sense, I guess it worked since I eventually fell asleep at the wheel after several hours of looking for such a farm, but seeing as I ended up totaling my car, I can't help but think there must be a better way to get some sleep.

Dull as Dishwater

Somebody once told me that I was as dull as dishwater.  I couldn't really be offended by this, since dishwater is actually a lot more interesting than plain water, since there's more stuff in it to look at and analyze.  Some people lack perspective.

Dropped Like a Hot Potato

A friend once told me that his girlfriend had dropped him like a hot potato. I told him that he was probably better off, since it sounded like she wasn't very bright and pretty clumsy, if she had him confused with a potato and dropped him. Plus, if that's how she handles all her food, I wouldn't want to eat any of her cooking, 5 second rule or not.  Some people aren't very good about being sanitary in the kitchen.

Drop in the Bucket

Back in high school, a friend once told me that he'd been saving his money for college for most of his life, but he still only had a drop in the bucket.  I told him that if he was planning on paying for college with drops of water, he was going to be sorely disappointed, as I never heard of a institution that accepted water was payment.  Some people aren't very good with finances.

Fight Fire With Fire

Somebody once told me that you should fight fire with fire.  When his house caught on fire, I took his advice using a flamethrower.  The whole town ended up getting burned down.  Some people don't know much about fighting fires.

Dressed to the Nines

Somebody once told me that he was dressed to the nines.  I looked him over, and told him that he looked absolutely nothing like those creepy little Horcrux dudes from that computer animated movie produced by Tim Burton, which was probably a good thing because I really don't see that look as becoming a very popular fashion statement.  Some people have very odd ideas about what people will find fashionable.

Down to Earth

Somebody once told me that I am very down-to-earth.  I asked him what planet he expected me to be down to since, last I checked, none of the other planets in our solar system have oxygen.  Some people aren't very good at astronomy.

Down in the Dumps

Somebody once told me that she was down in the dumps.  I was confused by this, since I didn't notice any pungent odor coming from her, so I tried sniffing her and she slapped me.  Some women are very touchy when it comes to personal hygiene.