Amy Alkon's Blog, page 32

Darth Vaper

I just accompanied my best friend on this extremely stressful trip to put her mom into assisted living. My friend vapes, and I started vaping, too, after being off nicotine for years. I bought a vape, but I'm hiding it from my wife because she's so judgmental about it. I'm not ready to stop yet, but I feel awful hiding it.

--Hooked

What's worse than the crime? The cover-up -- when your wife asks "How was your day, honey?" and you just nod as vape smoke leaks out of your nostrils.

Your hidin...

Backbone To The Future

I'm a man in my 60s. Looking back on my romantic life, I was always the guy women spent time with when their husband or boyfriend wasn't paying attention to them or while they waited for the right guy (status, power, money) to show up. I'm good-looking, but I realize from reading you that I never had enough "mate value," never mastering the essence of Cialdini's "scarcity principle." I'm a retired teacher. For 20-some years, I taught kids who had severe behaviorial problems. While parents, gr...

Hipster Replacement

I'm a 57-year-old lesbian, and I'm only attracted to much younger women (very early 20s). We're obviously in very different places in our lives, and these "relationships" don't last very long. I also get a lot of grief from my friends. I can't change whom I'm attracted to, but I would like a long-term relationship.

--Seeking

Your previous girlfriend probably remembers prom like it was yesterday -- because, for her, it kinda was.

Making matters worse, millennials and post-millennials (general...

The Customer Is Always Frightened

I'm a 36-year-old single woman. I've noticed that the more I like a guy the more nervous I get and the louder, more irreverent, and more inappropriate I become. I'm actually a really sweet girl. How can I stop doing this?

--Unintentionally Brash

Your cocktail party conversation shouldn't translate to "I mean, come on...do I really seem like a danger to myself and society?!"

To calm down so you can talk like a person instead of a scary person, it helps to understand -- as I explain in my new...

Satin Worshipper

My parents said they'd give my fiance and me money for a wedding or for a down payment on a home. They aren't wealthy, so my fiance and I would have to fund about half of the wedding, or possibly more. He doesn't care about a big wedding, and I agree that it would be fantastic to have money to put toward a home. Still, my friends are getting married and having these beautiful, lavish weddings, and I worry that I'd regret not having one, too.

--Bridechilla

Let's think this through. First, ther...

Wall Of Me

I'm a single woman struggling with maintaining boundaries. I find myself going along in the moment with things men do or want -- saying "sure, that's cool" even when it's not. I'm pretty assertive in other areas, so it's confusing that I'd be such a wimp with men.

--Yes Woman

Guys love a woman who says yes -- until they're done doing whatever she said yes to.

It isn't surprising that you're inconsistently assertive. There's this myth of the self as a single, stable entity -- like one of thos...

Flee-Bitten

For three months, things were going really well with this man I was dating. He'd introduced me to his daughter. We'd even planned a trip together. And then he just disappeared. I eventually texted him to find out what happened, but he simply texted back, "Really busy, all good." This isn't the first time this has happened to me or my girlfriends. Why do men do this? Why don't they tell you what's really going on?

--Upset

When a guy just cuts you off like a bad tree limb, it's tempting to com...

Shudder Speed

Every photo my boyfriend takes of me is horrific (one eye kind of shut, bad angle of my face, etc.). My female friends take decent pictures of me, so it's not like it's impossible. I know my boyfriend loves me and thinks I'm beautiful. Could he be trying to keep other men from being attracted to me?

--Occasional Bride Of Frankenstein

You'd think you wouldn't have to give a man who loves you a detailed list of instructions for photographing you -- down to "immediately erase any shots in which...

Remaining Chased

I have a history of terrible relationships that end in awful heartbreak. The advice I keep getting is to date down -- get together with a man who is less attractive than I am and who likes me a little more than I like him. I was kind of into the idea of equality on all levels, but maybe I'm wrong.

--Rethinking Woman

After you've had your heart broken, it's tempting to opt for romantic safety measures. For example, a garden gnome could be an ideal partner -- because few women will fight you fo...

Pedal To The Settle

There's a mutual attraction between this guy in my doctoral program and me, and we have great conversations. I'd date him, but he's in a long-distance relationship. Recently, he started giving driving lessons to earn extra cash. I need to learn to drive a stick shift, so I signed up. This has morphed into our spending time together on weekends, having lunch, etc. My friends say this is a bad idea. But I guess I'm just following my heart. Is that so wrong to do?

--Crushing

"Follow your heart!"...